Caray, Caray!

Padre Plaid puts on his serious priestwear and gets chewed out by the Bishop for beating the snot out of Sebastian.  But, Your Grace, Padre Plaid has witnesses!  Sebastian totally had it coming!  The Bishop brings up Padre Plaid's previous lusting after Oriana and says he needs to spend some time wrestling with his conscience.  He's also been suspended from saying Mass or administering any sacraments.  He wants Padre Plaid to think about what kind of life he wants to live.

Raquel joins Ruben in the dining room.  Ruben tells Raquel he's got problems…and Matilde is one.  Raquel asks if he likes Lucina and tells him it shows.  He knows nothing can ever happen between them.  He's a married man, and even though he doesn't have feelings for Matilde as a woman, they do have a history.  He tells Raquel about throwing Fidelia over for Matilde.  He recalls hanging out at Fidelia's house in Bahia de Kino.  Lupe brings the drinks in.  Ruben says he'd like to go back to BdK to recall those old times.  He admits he's "fond" of Fidelia still and they toast to that.

Matilde begs Cesar to tell her where Fabiola is, but he doesn't think he can trust her not to force Fabi to marry Sebastian.  Matilde says there's no way she could do that, since Fabi is nearly 18.  She begs Cesar to find out, since he claims he doesn't know.  She wants him to convince Padre Plaid to tell him.  She turns on the waterworks and says Fabi needs her mother at a time like this and she's going to support her no matter what.  I have this bridge for sale….

Sebastian gets drunk while Antonio tries to convince him to act like a grown up.  Raquel comes in and gets the scoop from Drunken!Seb about Fabiola's pregnancy and unwillingness to shackle herself to his loser ass for life.  He complains about them saying they were going on vacation.  He's convinced they're at Fidelia's beach house.  While Sebastian screams at the bartender to bring more dinks, Raquel goes to inform JL that Oriana and Alina are in Bahia de Kino.  She figured it all out herself.  JL says he'll get her the car he promised in a couple of days, but right now he's got other things to take care of.

When Raquel gets back to the bar, Antonio has sent Sebastian home and has a glass of wine waiting for Raquel.  He doesn't believe that Raquel didn't have an ulterior motive for asking Sebastian about his girlfriend.  They chat about how Raquel wants to end her relationship with her current business partner and be some guy's kept woman.  She laughs off Antonio's suggestion that he could finance the lavish lifestyle to which she plans to become accustomed and leaves before she gets drunk enough to add another notch to her bedpost.

Back in the war room…digo, his study…Tech Grandpa tells sonny boy that he's learned some info…Fidelia was dating Ruben, but Ruben married Matilde and Fidelia went to take care of her nephews.  Grandpa had a thing for Paloma, but she was engaged to somebody else and he wisely withdrew.

JL spies on the ladies on the patio at Fidelia's house.

Oriana is whining about having everyone pay her way.  They start planning Fabiola's big birthday bash.

Grandpa explains about Inés showing up out of the blue, with a child in tow.  She started dating Ricardo, then Francisco Castro showed up and she went to live with him.  Leo takes over the story, which they're illustrating with chess pieces, and says now Inés and her daughter have gone into hiding, probably at Fidelia's, but they're SO in hiding that they won't even tell him where so he can bring Tito.  Grandpa thinks Ricardo knows or that Francisco forced her to go somewhere and then she got away from him.  Grandpa brings up Trejo Bonfil and the partnership with Caribbean Investment Company.  He then reviews the links between Paloma, Inés, and Francisco and says it's intriguing.  Leo thinks maybe she ran off because Francisco kicked Tito.  Grandpa sees that as a sign that she's a kind person.  He'd like to talk to Ines, but Leo points out Grandpa's watch and tells him it's late.  Grandpa wants him to call Inés in the morning and let him talk to her.

At the swingin' beach bungalow, Oriana remembers Paloma's earlier frustration with the whole situation and wanting to go home.  She wonders what Ricardo told JL's boss.

Ricardo, in his own bungalow, thought bubbles that he has to find a way out of this situation.

Joaquin tells JL about the email from Ricardo.  JL lies that Ricardo doesn't know who he really is.  Ohhhhh, lying to Joaquin…that's an epically bad idea! JL reminds him that he had permission to pursue his wife and child and Joaquin loses it, saying rather loudly that it wasn't supposed to interfere with the business.  They pause while the waiter delivers their breakfast.  Joaquin helps himself to something on JL's plate, while he reminds him just how much JL owes him for getting him out of Colombia and getting Inés out of trouble.  JL whinily says he was only supposed to do the one job and then he's out.  The deal with Trejo Bonfil is signed, they've just got to put a few key people in place.  Joaquin is pissed that JL is refusing to be the president of the new company and insists that he'll be sticking around to make sure the Trejo Bonfil setup is not just in place but actually working, and he can't take off until Joaquin says so.  "Don't mess with me!  Your life depends on this.  Forget about Ricardo Sanchez Breton and this Inés woman.  If he wrote to me, other people probably know about you too and we can't afford to have everyone know.  Get yourself another woman…a better one!"  He leaves after tossing JL the envelope with the original statement of Oriana's exoneration.

Everyone but Fabiola goes shopping by the beach where Oriana whines for the umpteenth time about all the trouble she's causing and Paloma tells her to shut it already.  They find a clothing store and start looking for a dress for Fabiola, but Oriana's phone rings.  Leo tells her that Tito is getting out the day after tomorrow.  He passes on the message that his grandpa would like to talk to Paloma and ends up giving grandpa the phone.  Grandpa tells her that even though she's got a sweet voice, he'd really like to speak to Paloma.  Paloma sasses him about finally rising from the grave to call her.  He tells her he'd like to see her so she can tell him about her grandchild and her grandchild's delinquent of a husband.  "And maybe I can help you with your problems." Paloma denies having any problems and accuses him of being an old police dog with a bone.  Hey, Grandpa, "I've really missed talking to you and now that it seems my grandchild has connected with your grandchild, maybe we should get together and have a drink and talk about old times," would have gotten you a lot farther.  A woman doesn't like to feel used for the entertainment her family drama provides!

Eliseo goes over to JL's…dude, you were supposed to get lost!  He acts like nothing's wrong and says he just wondered if JL had something for him to do.  Maybe kill someone the way he killed Berto?  He insists that JL did want Berto dead, even if he didn't want it to happen quite that way…but, hey, Eliseo's a self-starter.  He had an opportunity and he took it.  JL takes offense at being called "Fox" but Eliseo does it again.  JL insists that Eliseo needs to get a makeover ASAP because the cops have his description and since Felipe didn't die, that means he'd be able to identify him.  Eliseo asks for some money, since he's broke.  JL tosses him some bills and tells him not to show up there again.

Paloma tells Oriana that Homero insisted and she just couldn't say no.  Oriana's stressing, but Paloma insists he's a fair man, which is exactly what worries her.  Paloma says there's nothing to do about it.  Homero's got a good nose and he knew exactly where to find them.

Oriana calls Ricardo and asks him to please burn all those ridiculous ascots before visiting her again.  And also asks how Maria's doing and what her Dad has to say about it and whether Sebastian knows ("The doctors don't have a lot of hope…he doesn't care…don't even mention that ungrateful brat to me.")  She fills him in about Fabiola's birthday shindig and invites him, Cesar, and Ruben.  Oh, and also, Leonardo's grandpa Homer is coming over to interview Paloma.

Ricardo tells Piero that Homer is on the case.  Ricardo seems like some combination of concerned and hopeful.

Not-so-Padre not-so-Plaid removes his collar in front of Piero and Ricardo and turns down the invitation to the birthday bash, saying he has to wait to welcome the new parish priest, who I'm guessing will be a neon-shirt-wearing cardio devotee.  He's on suspension for now while the bishop decides what to do with him.  Piero asks if he can be "fired," but nsPnsP says that's not what they call it.  He's supposed to spend some time thinking about whether he's really suited to the plaidhood, what with his violent tendencies and lustful feelings clouding his judgment.

JL takes the picture of his family out of the safe and asks Oriana if she would forgive him for killing someone.  He decides she never would.

The artist formerly known as Padre Plaid again turns down the invitation to Fabiola's big birthday bash that's so secret it probably has its own website plus a public Facebook invitation, an Evite, the hashtag #fabi'sfinallylegalsolet'sparty and gift registry at Babies-R-Us, Motherhood Maternity, and Hot Topic.  Piero would like to go, but he thinks it might lead the spies right to the beach house.  Because the skywriter they hired wasn't obvious enough.  They ponder sneaking out anyway, just to be safe, in the back of one of the trucks of merchandise.  Not the one with the giant "Follow me to Fabi's Party!" banner on the back, though.  Ricardo asks for advice about letting Homero get involved with the whole mess.  He knows Homero's good…but is he so good that he'd get Oriana locked up?

Leonardo warns Grandpa Homer that if he so much as thinks of getting Inés locked up, not only will he leave…he'll take the dog!  "Justice is justice," says grandpa.  "Don't gimme that crap!  Justice doesn't exist in this world."  Homer insists that it does, that he dedicated his life to it, and that lots of creeps are behind bars thanks to him.  It doesn't matter that he's technically retired, it's his addiction.  Leonardo insists, in that case, that since he's the one who brought grandpa this juicy new case to occupy his thoughts and bring a little excitement into his life, he wants grandpa to tell him everything he knows about Inés AND he wants grandpa not to take any action without discussing it with him first.  Homer admires his grandson's guts.  "He should'a been a cop!"

Cesar visits his mom, whose bells are jingling with her excitement.  She orders coffee for them both.  Matilde's been getting a little cabin fever.  Cesar tells her he hasn't been able to get in touch with Mariano, that his dad's doing ok and working at a construction company, and that he's working in the design department at Aresti Breton.  He defends his work, saying that designing and setting fashion trends isn't "nothing" and that he LIKES it, OK.  Before she can keep dissing his life choices, Cesar leaves.  "Oh, how have I sinned to deserve this disgrace?  A daughter who's pregnant, and a son who…."  She calls Ruben, who refuses to leave work, even though Matilde thinks it's URGENT that he come over NOW and who cares if he gets fired, that way he'll come HOME and help her DEAL with their PREGNANT daughter and their son who's…GAY!!!!!!!   If "Shut up, Matilde" were a drinking game, I'd be so hammered right now.  Ruben rolls his eyes so hard they nearly get stuck in the back of his head.  "He's designing fabric!!!!!"  Is it some kind of horribly clashing plaid/polka dot combo?  No?  Then SHUT UP, MATILDE!  Ruben tells her that doesn't mean anything.

Ricardo checks his rear view mirror and smiles when he sees he's being followed.  He pulls up to Leonardo's as Eliseo parks just around the corner and takes aim at Ricardo's back.  As he's preparing to take his shot, HIS windshield cracks and Ric and Leo duck.  We see a hand firing a gun into the air as GRANDPA HOMER appears, steps into the middle of the street, and keeps aiming the gun as Eliseo drives off.  Oh, Grandpa!  Please, please, please let there be a Homer & Paloma wedding before this is all over!

Eliseo calls JL all panicky saying some guy showed up and shot at him!  At him!  When he was just there trying to do JL a solid by killing Ricardo, even though JL didn't ask, because as we all know, Eliseo = self-starter.  And just because a guy doesn't SAY he wants you to kill another guy doesn't mean he doesn't really want it.  "Well, did you kill him or not?"  Not only did Eliseo not kill him, he was so freaked out at being shot at that he doesn't know the house number or what street it's on.  JL tells him to take a damn cab and drive by the place and FIND OUT!

JL now calls Joaquin, who's in the middle of setting up his flight back home.  JL demands he take Eliseo with him because the dumbass tried to kill Ricardo.  "Well, did he?"  Um, no.  Joaquin says if The Fox can't control his people, then he's useless.  "I'm going back to Santo Domingo tomorrow and as soon as the bank account is ready, I'll send a couple of million."  If he doesn't make this money laundering op successful, he dies.

Grandpa Homer pours Ricardo and Leonardo some shots to help calm them down.  Leonardo is a little freaked that his grandpa just went out and shot at someone like that.  "Well, duh!  The guy had a gun and he was going to shoot Ricardo.  Hey, Ricardo, how come somebody wants to kill you?  Can I call you Ricardo?"  I think saving someone's life gives you instant permission.  Ricardo says he doesn't know who wants to kill him and cuts off Homer's follow-up questions with one of his own.  "I heard you want to talk to my godmother.  What's that about?"  "Maybe I want to propose to her."  "In that case, she'll probably turn you down."  "Ah, you're your godmother's protector?"  "Of course.  I love her."  "The same way you love her granddaughter, even though she's with that guy, Francisco Castro."  Ricardo denies she's with Francisco.  "Well, no, she's hiding at Fidelia's beach house, but she did live with him, didn't she?  You might as well tell me…I'm going to investigate anyway.  It'll just save some time if you tell me.  Cheers!"

Eliseo gets a taxi to take him back to the house, where he makes a mental note of the street and the number.  He gets pissy with the driver when the driver doesn't have information about the owner of the house.  Gee, that driver's really not going to remember you later at all.  The taxi driver tells him to go ask at the post office or something.

Ricardo calls Homer a nosy old goat, but Homer just says curiosity is his vice.  Ricardo tells him to back off, his godmother is recovering from a heart attack and his questions could hurt her.  Leonardo backs Ricardo up and tells him to forget it, all families have problems.  Homer tells Ricardo that he knew Paloma way back when and he always liked her.  "And now you're telling me that I'm going to ask her questions that could make her uncomfortable…which means she has problems.  Right now, she's hiding with her granddaughter and great-granddaughter at your Aunt Fidelia's beach house, which I also saw years ago.  Just now someone tried to kill you…now don't try to tell me those are normal family problems.  And who's this Francisco Castro guy?  Where did he come from?  Cause just showed up all of a sudden."  Ricardo asks Homer, with all due respect, what's it to him.  Leonardo tells Homero to please back off, that this is starting to sound like an interrogation.  "Listen, kids, someone was trying to kill him right in front of my door.  Don't you think maybe I should care about that?...Do you know who he was?...well, it won't be difficult to find out.  We'll just ask the mechanics in town who brought in a van with a shattered windshield."  Ricardo realizes he's in way over his head with Grandpa Homer and tries to leave, but Homer says his coming there wasn't a mistake.  "If that guy had caught up to you somewhere else, you could be dead now.  What about your father?"  Ricardo lies and says he died of an illness, but grandpa already knows the truth.  "He died from a gunshot in a hotel in San Carlos.  They accused a woman called Oriana Caligaris.  Let me explain something to you.  I was born here.  I had friends. Your father was one of them.  Well, more like acquaintances.  I went to Mexico to work, retired out here, and I thought about going back home, but I've got this obsession for knowing everything, and a desire for justice.  It's my vice and my entertainment.  When I came back, I started investigating my old acquaintances, because I never had friends."

Eliseo tells JL that the cab driver didn't know anything.  There's some guy named Leonardo who lives there with a big dog and an old guy.  Eliseo thinks the young guy shot at him.  JL wants him to find out the old guy's name.  Eliseo whines about needing money to fix the windshield.  As JL hangs up on him, he remembers looking for Tito in the park and meeting a guy with a big dog.

Ricardo finally takes his leave.  Homer says it was good to meet him and he thinks Ricardo is a good guy.  "So, any problem you have, you can count on me."  Leonardo walks him out to his car as Homer gets on his trusty cell phone and calls up the operator to ask for the number of the police chief in San Carlos.

Tomorrow: Grandpa is obsessed with Oriana; Oriana makes plans to have Paloma care for Lina; Homer shows up at the beach house and says he knows everything.

Labels: mentir