Caray, Caray!

Nighttime in Mexico City. Lupita weeps in the street and prays before entering a building where there's a wrestling match. It turns out the star attraction, Don Chuy, aka the Son of Sumatra, is her dad. He's excited to see her; she's never come to watch him fight before. But she's not really here to watch him tonight, either. He can tell she's been crying.

"What's the matter?" he asks. "I'm pregnant," Lupita replies. The Son of Sumatra is so stunned that his opponent quickly defeats him.

Later, the luchador tells Lupita that he hasn't felt such pain since Mama died. He thinks someone's done something terrible to Lupita; she says no, she's not blameless. It's partly her fault she's pregnant. She let herself be deceived. She won't tell Dad who the father is. All she will say is that he's an arrogant man whose name isn't worth mentioning. (HINT: Look out for an arrogant man who's hung up on names. Good luck with that.)

Some years later, in London (England)...

At a swanky restaurant, Miguel Ángel Ruizpalacios dines with his girfriend Minerva. In English, he scolds the waiter for putting his water glass on the wrong side of the plate.

"I need to discuss something VERY important with you," Miguel Ángel begins. Minerva panics: "I know where this is going! I never expected this of you!" But she is interrupted by a flash mob doing a song-and-dance rendition of Queen's "Somebody to Love." Minerva is pleased, but Miguel looks surprised and confused. It turns out this whole scene is for another couple getting engaged. Miguel thinks the proposal was very silly and undignified for such a classy restaurant; Minerva is crushed that it wasn't for her, and that Miguel doesn't want to discuss marriage with her.

Miguel wants Minerva to have all the things she deserves in life. She thinks he's a real prize; after all, he's a Ruizpalacios. But what's in a name, he muses aloud. He made his fortune all by himself, with no help from his family or the Ruizpalacios name.

Back in Mexico, Miguel's mom is planning a fashion show to benefit indigent dogs and she isn't happy with the cheap-looking drinking glasses or with the lame wording on the sign. She suggests a more grandiose title for her event. She calls Miguel and tells him the lawyers are giving her a big headache, and he's needed at home for the reading of Grandfather's will. The next plane will get him there right around when her party begins.

"So, what were you going to tell me?" Minerva asks Miguel. "I was going to ask you to move in with me because our relationship is much deeper than just a flimsy piece of paper. But if you really want to get married, then let's get married!" Minerva accepts, loudly and enthusiastically. "God save the Queen!" she shouts in English. This seems not to be the reaction Miguel was expecting.

The Son of Sumatra, aka Don Chuy, has retired from wrestling and has been running a gym with his family. The place isn't doing well. It seems they're losing all of their business to a competitor. Tonight at the gym they'll have a big party... I missed whether it's a ONLY a birthday party for Lupita's son Emiliano, or if it's also a rent party as well.

Opening credits: I don't care for the song, but it looks like there will be food pr0n, so there's something to look forward to!

At a nursing home or hospital, Mati Ruizpalacios (Miguel's grandma) mistakes Alejo for his cousin, Miguel Ángel. Alejo patiently corrects her. She gushes about how swell he is, and says he's the best of the family name. Alejo beams... but then she calls him Miguel Ángel again. She's very confused and tells Alejo that Grandpa is at the club (sure, the Six-Feet-Under Club!). The doctor tells Alejo that Grandma has some good days and some bad days, but she'll probably never get any better.

Evening comes. Both Miguel's mom's charity event and Emiliano's birthday party are underway.

Miguel's mom is wearing a full-length fur coat. She is snotty to a waiter (guess it runs in the family). Miguel Ángel arrives and tells her that he's engaged; Minerva went home to rest, but she'll come along later. Mom says something about putting all the family properties in his name, but I missed it.

Leonardo, Miguel's airheaded brother, makes a vapid announcement to kick off the party. Mom thinks he's brilliant. She says she has four children, and here comes her favorite... a chihuahua.

The band plays. I used to know what this song was called. Leonardo is waving his left arm around as if to conduct the band. With his right hand, or actually just one finger of his right hand, he plays one note at a time on the piano. Mom is impressed. This is the same woman who threw a fit over cheap-looking drinking glasses... well, I suppose life is easier if you can pretend that your son isn't an idiot.

Not far away, Minerva's mom is excited about the engagement. She tells Minerva that with the Ruizpalacios money, all their worries will be over. She also says something about Minerva getting pregnant (I missed it). Alejo ambles by and tries to flirt with Minerva. Mom whisks her daughter away.

Miguel's mom greets all the distinguished guests at her event, including a bishop. She gives a speech about "man's best friend" and saving the indigent doggies. Leonardo keeps interrupting with superfluous remarks. Finally the fashion show commences. Yawn.

Miguel Ángel runs into Alejo. "Brace yourself for bad news," Alejo warns. "I don't think Granny even remembers you. When you left, it broke her heart in two." Miguel assures Alejo that he isn't planning to hang around. He'll go back to England as soon as possible. He doesn't even care about the will. "I have my own life. I don't need the Ruizpalacios."

Alejo retorts: "You don't know how much work it is for me to keep up the family's good name and reputation." Miguel counters: "You don't know how hard it is to make a name for YOURSELF in a distant country."

The benefit is almost over. Mom is tearfully thanking the crowd for supporting the defenseless animals when some unruly protesters show up. They are naked except for flesh-colored shorts and sandwich board signs. "You're a serial killer of animals!" they accuse. Oh, did I mention? Yes, I did mention, but I'll say it again: Mom is wearing a FULL LENGTH FUR COAT. Everyone ends up in the swimming pool.

Miguel Ángel tries to defuse the uproar by giving a speech of his own, but he too is interrupted by the protesters: one of them is Frida, his sister. Another protester is her boyfriend. Frida and Miguel reunite happily as the party finally breaks up.

At the Son-of-Sumatra Gym, the party is just getting started. The family confers. They're still worried about the gym. Lupita asks her father to keep his voice down; she doesn't want Emiliano to overhear about their problems.

Later, when the party is in full swing, Lupita is up to her ears in the kitchen, and people are clamoring for more of everything. Lupita wonders if this is a hint as to how they can save the family business.

Miguel's mom is upset about the big scene at her benefit. Leonardo has some very lame suggestions, such as having an even bigger party, or punishing Frida by cutting off her funds. Mom thinks he's a real genius to come up with this idea, or is she just humoring him? Because next she suggests sending Frida away to a school for girls in Switzerland. Then she says she has no other choice; there's only one thing to do: "Bring me my gun," she orders. Leonardo is worried. Oh, here it is - a blow-dryer. Because she's still wet from the pool. Sigh.

Frida confides to Miguel Ángel that she doesn't like Minerva. She's very shallow and materialistic. Frida wants to take off with her boyfriend and his band; she asks Miguel for some money, and he gives it to her.

Minerva and her mom arrive. Mom is a BIG fan of Miguel. She can't wait to join the new family. She should get contact lenses with dollar signs in them; then she wouldn't have to be so subtle.

Back at the gym, there's a cake with a luchador figure on it. Lupe tells Emiliano to make a wish. "It's a secret! I can't tell you!" he protests, but at last he reveals his wish: "I'd like to meet my father."

Next time:
The reading of the will.

Labels: pobres