Tuesday, January 20, 2015

La Gata #100 1/20/15 Dumba$$ery Abounds

I'm skipping the old (and probably a lot of the new) and condensing this thicker than Borden's.

Fernando said it best: the trial is a farce. Esme interrupts the Chismosa of the Dump's testimony to ask why she's lying and doing this to la Gata. Then Low interrupts the proceedings to declare that Pablo is the only person that can clear all this up. The judge needs to MAKE Pablo appear!

Gisela stays with Pablo. Mi amors and lots of angustia. Do.not.care.

Garabato is on the bus back to the DF and worries about Pablo. Is he dead or not? And if he is, who could I pay to help him AND keep quiet.


Rita goes to give Ines some clothes in prison. Some prospective parents arrive. Later she dismisses the parents for not having enough money. Ok, Ines is wearing on my nerves. She's a rude little shit. Get over yourself honey.

Mariano still can't get Pablo on the phone. Judge Tobias (I just took the name from his character in CI) makes a sarcastic comment about loaning Mariano the court's phone and Damian goes on the attack. He accuses the court of being corrupt. Exactly how to win a case. Well played, dumbass. The judge tells him either prove it, or let the judge do his job. Judge T tells Gut he can call his next witness: The Meatball. Lying ass. Dumb ass Godfather theme knock off, too. Esme stands up and rants: No one listen to him! He's a liar! This is just a "teatro" which is just another way of saying "farce".

Vicky has come in from the woods and tells Edgar and his hat about Pablo's disappearance. At first she seems worried, but then she remembers how Pablo's philosophic ass was like "It's so purty here and I would like to just disappear here." So she takes him literally and tells bro that Pablo's ass won't be found until he wants it found.

More Crazy Ass Gisela. She notices that he's still breathing. She says she's going to take him to the hospital. She doesn't manage it this episode. She gathers firewood. WTF?

The Meatball that La Gata was a tease and Juan Garza's little piece of ass. Esme jumps up and yells. She wants to know who's paying for this slander. The judge tells her to calm down or he'll have her ass removed for contempt of court and her kids will stay with the father.

Edgar the Hat sends someone out to look for Pablo. Vicky still insists Pablo is fine and wanted to disappear. There's really nothing to worry about.

Gisela molests Pablo. FF>>

Garabato goes to Rita and asks her to gather her little curandera supplies to help someone. He'll pay her, but she's got to keep her mouth shut. Of course her greedy ass agrees. I'm torn. Pablo is dumb, but I guess he needs to live....

(Promo for La Sombra del Pasado)

The judge is ready to give his decision. If I recall correctly, Esme's lawyers haven't presented their case. Anyway, the judge begins by telling the court that the DNA test came from a well known clinic...but Esme doesn't let him continue, she jumps up again and begs on her knees that the judge not take her kids. The judge is sorry, but her honor is in question and therefore she'll have the rest of the day to say good bye to her children. I am agog. I don't even know...what? Honor in question? WTF? Is this?...Gah! I can't even deal. The babies go to Juan Garza and Esme goes crazy. I think it's supposed to be heartbreaking, but I just find it hilarious.

Ugh. Now she can't believe the ruling. Tears and tsuris. Meche explains that Mariano and Damian are appealing. Fer thinks the judge was bought, but who did it?

Juan Garza receives his payment from....

Monica's mom (don't get excited, it's not really her)

Esme is still yelling about her HIJOS. Oh, now she wants to bitch about Pablo. He's not here because he didn't want to believe they were his hijos. Mariano and Damian got an appeal, but until the new decision is made the babies have to stay with Juan Garza which doesn't seem a bit like an appeal to me. She swears they will have to kill her before they take her babies away.

I'm heartless because all of Esme's emoting is just cracking me up.

Juan Garza asks Monica's mom what will happen to the "gatitos." That will be decided by her friend who, as luck would have it, just arrived.

It's Lowrenza. All that back of Juan's head and manhands business and it's freaking Lorenaza.

Dumb.ASS.

Oh she has a speech. She's going to leave them in the dump. Juan thinks that's a little harsh, but not Lo. Let them go to the dump, without their mother or anyone. Let them live out their lives as orphans. So no one ever finds them. As long as good people exist, they will need the muertos de hambre to serve them. There's a social order. There's a hierarchy and she didn't invent it, she's just trying to restore it.

Esme is the Gata. She's going to protect the babies. She's BATMAN! (I stole that from Diva.)

Mariano gets a call from Edgar.

Juan wants all his money so he can get out of the DF. Low ain't handing it over until she's got the babies. She's doing this to protect her family. Pablo will suffer a little, but he'll get over it. She dismisses Juan. The biddies giggle.

Fer wants to help Esme, but she doesn't want him to be an accomplice. Then she starts b!tching about Pablo. For what? Staying away like you told him to? Mariano tells her about Pablo's disappearance.

Low tells Augie about her triumph. Tonight the writers decide that Augie will be the voice of conscience and he tells her she will pay for her evil and Pablo will be the price!

Ok. I'm tired of recapping now. If the characters and writers can be 12 so can I.

Esme takes the kids to the dump.
Everyone figures out where she went anyway.
Everyone is either pissed at Pablo or worrying about him. They waffle. Make up your minds!
Rita goes to Valle del Bravo. Gisela points a gun at her.
Esme is mad at Pablo for not looking for her and abandoning her. Um. Your stubborn ass TOLD him to go!

And for your listening pleasure, the new theme song (brilliantly written by La Diva del Desierto, 5ft Latina)

Making your way in the world today takes everything she's got.
Taking a break from all those baddies sure would help a lot.
Esme would like to get away.

La Gata wants to go
Where everybody knows her na-a-a-me.
And they're always glad she ca-a-a-me. (Or they were when she brought swag)
She wants to be where she can see
Troubles are all the same.
She wants to go where everybody knows her name!

Previous: Episode 99
Next: Episode 101

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Comments:
Making your way in the world today takes everything she's got.
Taking a break from all those baddies sure would help a lot.
Esme would like to get away.

La Gata wants to go
Where everybody knows her na-a-a-me.
And they're always glad she ca-a-a-me. (Or they were when she brought swag)
She wants to be where she can see
Troubles are all the same.
She wants to go where everybody knows her name!
 

Gracias, Sara! I think I held back the laughter until she got to the dump, but at that point, I just couldn't keep it in any longer and my sick brain had to bust out with the Cheers theme song parody. I think knowing that we're nearing the end has restored my sense of mirth. I have no other explanation, because it's definitely not that the show is getting any better. If anything, maybe it's that it's getting SO MUCH WORSE that I can't see it as anything but a parody of itself. Hence hysterical laughter at Miss Grumpy Ass complaining that Pablo has abandoned her...after she told him to leave...and then took off without telling anyone where she was going. She's taking "Can't you read my mind?" to a whole new level!

I'm so disappointed that Man Hands turned out to be Lo. First, because she doesn't have man hands, so I still don't know who was holding the phone. Second, because it would have been more interesting to watch her orchestrating all this. (Granted, the show has gotten so boring that ANYTHING would have been more interesting.) I don't think they really planned for it to be her until the last minute.

I wonder where Monica is. This doesn't seem like the kind of thing she'd approve of, if she knew what was going on.
 

I may have to add that Cheers parody to the recap! It's marvelous and perfect!

Weren't the old biddies in Monica's apartment?
 

Wonderful recap! Thanks Sara!

What's the point of hiding if you are going to a place where EVERYONE knows you. I'm not surprised they all figured out where she was so easily.

I suppose Doña Rita will help cure Pab. That is if Gisela doesn't kill her first.

It would have been better had it had just been Monica's mom behind Garza.

Low's speech about needing muerto de hambres in the world to serve he rich made me laugh.

Augie clapping his hands like lunatic made me laugh as well.

Has anyone else noticed how they always say "brazos cruzados" in this? They must have said it a gazillon times over the course of this novela.
 

Once upon a time, that was Monica's place. Maybe Eugenia and Lorenza have turned it into their clubhouse while Monica is off having an actual LIFE somewhere.
 

Sara, wow, it's all there in your recap: the rencor, the snide-ness, the surly humor...I love it! Thanks!

Diva: love the theme song! Now it's in my head for the night...

Oh--Gisela was building a fire because she said she didn't want Pablo to die of hypothermia. By the way, the rock that he hit his head on disappeared between last night and tonight. I am still holding out hope for the amnesia scenario.

Favorite scene: Just as Mariano shows up, Augie is amusing himself by spinning his wheelchair around in tiny circles, roundy-roundy-roundy...

J in Oregon
 

Or Pablo's head is so hard it crushed the rock.

Yeah, I went there. I couldn't resist, even if Pablo wasn't the designated dumbass for tonight.

He spent the whole episode unconscious, I just realized. Is there a correlation between that and my not being incredibly annoyed with him?
 

Life events caused me to miss viewing both last night and tonight. However, thanks to Principe (Eli) and Sara, I know all about what happened. Thanks mucho!

Crazier and crazier. Lo's theory about needing poor people to serve the rich is just...uncalled for. Do we ever get to hear Dorila's back story?
 

They seem to have dropped Dorila's backstory. Other than going over to Fernando's the other day to summon Esme, they seem to have dropped Dorila, for that matter!
 

You guys know Jorge Poza has bore it all before if you know what I mean, right?
 

The only reason I watch this dreck anymore is so my mom, nephew and I have to laugh at. I love the reactions to every ounce of LaToodle Doodie stupidity; the recaps are masterpieces and priceless.

Yesterday my 10 yr. old nephew was asking if Pablo at gunpoint was evil and I had said no, he's just dumb. The kid reacted with, "hehe, dumb."

My mom kept thinking the G's wanted to kill Vicki and I had said Gisela just can't stand any woman being around Pab, not even that hifey heifer Low-renza.

Ooh, new nickname for Pablo; Dum-blo.
 

Pablo was unconscious? I didn't notice. I saw no difference - he's just as riveting (not) conscious or unconscious.

So all of a sudden old Rita is the curandera of the barrio? Since when? I sure wouldn't trust her!

I think the harpies sent Monica away to get a sex-change operation and turned her into Juan Garza.
 

Thanks for reporting this to us, Sara.

Your two most telling lines:

"Dumb.ASS."

and

"Ok. I'm tired of recapping now. If the characters and writers can be 12 so can I."

Geez, this is like having a front row seat at a colonoscopy.

So, Rita can find Pablo but nobody else can?

Loved Esme's hunting cap disguise.

I don't know which kindergarten these writers flunked out of, but it should cease to be funded by whatever government agency takes care of such things.

The judge should have his government pay suspended, since he obviously is well compensated by some of the people he passes judgment upon.

People say that you wouldn't want to see how sausage is made. This is like watching sausage being made by people who didn't wash their hands or clean their fingernails.

5ft, loved your Cheers song.

David
 

Sara, I am not watching La Gata but loved the term "Duma$$ery" in the title.

Jarifa


 

Good morning all!
Kat-Your new theme song is officially in the recap! And I have to agree with you about feeling a little lighter about the show now that I know it's coming to an end. Before, there were days when I thought we would NEVER see Ultimas Semanas!

Mauricio-I will start listening out for "brazos cruzados". I know we have had a chorro of Maldita Gatas.

J in Oregon-I would put Augie's little spinning roundy-roundy-roundy in the BEST column! I'm so glad you said something about it. It validates me. I thought I was the only one who would find it funny.

Drat- so many other comments to address and so little time to get ready for work. I promise I'll be back!
 

Sara. I am eternally grateful for your having subjected yourself to what David so aptly described:

Geez, this is like having a front row seat at a colonoscopy.

That, or an attack of the runs just short of the porcelain throne.

I also started out looking at this as a comedy, then a cartoon. We are animation aficionados in our house so I quickly abandoned that out of respect for the craft. Then parody also occurred to me. Like I said months ago, this crew is like F*ck 'em, they'll watch anything!

Two things help: I've only got 4 more Thursdays to recrap

The wisdom of Sara's hubs statement: What do you expect from a show that takes place in a dump? For that, Sara, he should be called Mr. Awesome!
 

Diva. Song parody is the BOMB! Love it! All o' y'all make this whole ride fun! Comments crackin' me up!
 

La Paloma- I'm more than annoyed that they have not given us any more about Dorila and Carrlos, especially since we are dealing with this stoopid paternity business.

Corazon-Yeah, it can get pretty comical! So even a 10 year old thinks it's dumb? Oh dear!

Anon4:08-I love the Monica is Juan Garza idea! And this: "Pablo was unconscious? I didn't notice. I saw no difference - he's just as riveting (not) conscious or unconscious." is GOLD.

David-I second the praise of the colonoscopy line and I have to also praise the line about watching sausage being made.

Jarifa- I don't know where I picked up dumbassery, but it was probably here at Caray!

Lila-I think hubs is definietly a Mr. Awesome! And I've only got 7 more recaps!


 

Did I count three more gun shots as Garb was running away? Either Pablo should be real dead or Gi is a lousy shot. So sick of Esme's stink eye. Is the cowboy with the hat the same guy as Eddie on CI? Loved seeing Tobias back, even if he is a baddie this time. The only thing that keeps me from bailing is the morning coffee with the Patio Peeps and the wonderful recaps. Thanks Sara for making crappy show entertaining.
 

I didn't listen to that. I'll have to go back, because that would be interesting.

Did everyone hear that sound effect when Pablo hit his head? Pretty rough. He took quite a blow to that empty noggin.

Yes, emeraldrose-that is Eddie from CI and I liked seeing Tobias, too. I liked him better on CI though. Oh, and am sooooo over Esme's stink eye *YAWN*

 

What happened to hot/creepy doc's proposal to Esme?

I'm glad Mariano called her on her having the nerve to complain about Pablo being nowhere to be found when she clearly told him to go to hell 3 times that day before the "hearing." STUUUUUU-PIIIID!
 

I'm sure we will never hear about Doc's proposal again. They only needed that as a filler for that particular episode.
 

Does anyone know where the Que te perdone dios recap went? I wanted to read it and I swear it was up before...
 

Sara - It went into draft mode. CountxAlacran is working on it.
 

I have told my mom just how dumb this show can get.

"Mom, Esmerz took her twins- mind you the girl had fungus in her lung(s)- to the dump in the pouring rain instead of keeping them in a real house just because she had to abaide the rules of a man she does or doesn't realize yet is her father."

"Cara de Impactada."

It's been said before but there is limit on how dumb the protagonist's decisions can be. At that point you begin to root for Lowrenza and Aghastin or Social Services or ANYONE who could take away the twins and put them before him or her self. (I even mentioned Tofie's Low-renza one liner, "Gimme the keys, I'm driving.)
 

Sara, golly, I laughed all the way through. Started highlighting but it was almost the whole recap.

5 ft love the song.

I also thought the unconscious, prone Pablo the best work Danny has done. Only thing rivaled it was the job Lisette Morelos did as a comatose Blanca in La Impostora.
 

Thanks for the info, Mauricio! I'll keep an eye out for the updated recap.

CorazonSalvaje-I don't know if I'm actively rooting for Low, but I know I am NOT rooting for Esme.

Quite frankly, I think the ONLY reason they sent her back to the dump is because Ms. Latoodle-doodoo said "I want a scene where she's wearing a cute newsboy cap and fingerless gloves."
 

Sara, you read my mind about the cap and gloves.

Esmeralda is not a thief like Ines, she is not a princess either. She's middling to stupid and while cute not drop dead gorgeous, and as a mommy, makes more decisions about her than she does the kiddies, so all the enablers around her have done her a disservice by blowing smoke up her ragged skirt. How do you root for stupid, she didn't even have to work to get out of the dump, her daddy is rich.

And Pablo, gosh he is a mamas boy, found a cute dirty waif in a ditch and then puberty hit him. So, how many mamas boys are there that find sumpin dirty in a ditch and puberty hits them. Bunches
 

Sara, you should come over and read Hasta recaps sometime. It's kind of gotten so bad almost everyone has began to root for all the baddies except Greta and Chava's dad Javier;

Patricio, Renzi, Irma(1st class DEMON FROM HELL), Araceli (although she isn't bad to the bone, she pretty much raped Chava) Silvana, Cristian and Peralta.

Alan (Miley Cyrus bless his Fauntleroy-nesian heart) should make a comeback to Team Calavera but Patricio would probably be against it.
 

And Steve, if you're reading this, Marisol isn't a villain. She's a jealous cow. (Hifey Heifer in other words.)

All the goodies left to root for on Hasta are-

Miguelina, Fausto, Isadora, Oliver, Daniela, their band-mate played by Jose Luis Badalt(it's the beard that distinguishes him)

Nandito (Behstill my heart and may ninja turtles bless his. I'm counting on Marina dropping the ball about your dad, revealing Irma can walk and taking you off into the sunset)

Lupe, Matias, Irais, Paco, any of the crones Lupe teaches dance to for back-up and the Ripoll concierge Noemi (don't quit your day job until you find a new gig on lock and roadies de fiar girlfriend!)

For baddies I forgot Manjarrez but I hate him too much and I doubt we've seen the last of boxing coach edition Elmer from Las Vias del Amor.
 

HEARTLESS! You all are COLD and HEARTLESS I say! Our sweet goddess
got railroaded by a crooked Judge and a sham trial and you've all abandoned her. Not me, not the gringo NEVER!!! The poor baby and babies (did she have two wrapped together in the blanket?) is now on the lam hiding out from the long arm of the law in the dump.

A few episodes back when Principe meowed because he wanted to get down, the cries of ANIMAL ABUSE rose up from the patio---so loud were the cries that they could be heard all the way to LA on the Left Coast. And a time back when our sweet goddess had a falling out at the mansion, left, took her babies and moved back to the dump. The cries were again deafening. The mansion is clean!!!
The dump is dirty and riddled with filth and all kinds of disease. The babies will get sick from something terrible and die was all of the comments.
Now---Our sweet goddess is on the run and back at the dump with her
beautiful babies and the only sound that can be heard from the patio is laughter, loud very loud
laughter. You all are cold and heartless, too cold and heartless for me. I'm catching a flight to the DF where I will meet up with the goddess Esme and give her kindness, love, sympathy and help in hiding out from all of the evil forces that are now surrounding her. I'm ashamed of you patio peeps.
the gringo

 

I'm sorry gringo, but I'm about ready to give Lo the number to CPS.

And Pablo. Someone should have recognized long ago that he needed someone to act as his POA in ALL affairs of his life. He has always needed someone to be a kind consultant and guide, not take all his rights of decision away, but to oversee his affairs so that he wouldn't be taken advantage of the way that he has been. Yes, by his own parents but a good, decent individual as a POA could've helped him a lot.

Of course, he'd have to acknowledge his impairment and consent to such supervision, which I'm sure he wouldn't do. That being the case we've got him with his brains scrambled and probably running out the back of his head and Esme back in the dump.

Thus Cock-a-Doodle-Toodle-oo thus crows: Muertos de hambre, mentally challenged, and ***** (Carrrlos): know and stay in your places!

That's the bottom line on this ca ca!
 

Reading through all the comments and nodding along.

Yes, gringo, I'm cold and heartless. I can only figure she had them both in that one sling she rigged. And they'd fit, too, since their growth has been stunted by spending most of their days in the stroller or being carried. Don't do it, man...don't go out there. Sure, she'll be all grateful for the support and the food and clean water, but as soon as that dip Pablo wakes up, she's going to give you some babble about how it's always been Pablo and you'll end up at the table with Damian, Mariano, and Doc at the wedding. Not worth it.
 

Dang tootin I'm da ice queen now bout the feeble minded (my bad I mistook feeble mined for stoic) Esmeralda and got a suggestion for carrying them babies for her in the dump. Ice hooks

Why didn't she go on that cruise with her parents
 

lol, tofie, I don't know why that cracked me up. Maybe because I don't live the kind of life where I've ever had occasion to say "Darn it! I should have gone on that cruise!" The rich really are different.

She totally could have taken some cash and at least holed up in a hotel somewhere. Or I bet her boss who luuuuuuurves her necklaces would have helped her find a place to hide.
 

Gringo, I think I remember from way back, the patio is at your house. can all us heartless folks still meet there?

You have always been a gracious host. (At least I think it is you)
 

Heeehee, so many times I've had the same thought when trying to recap a really stupid show. Thank you for putting up with this mess so that I don't have to watch, I think when I write my last recap I'll celebrate by drinking a lot.
 

Yes J---Augie did seem to be having fun spinning around on wheels didn't he? Maybe those spins were strong enough to cause
the G force to move his heart back
to it's right place.

Diva---Are you going to teach your group the new theme song?
the gringo

 

Ay, gringo...I'm regretting the song. It's stuck in my head now. The original and the Gata version are taking turns.
 

Dashing in to the patio to be counted as one of the heartless.
 

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