Caray, Caray!

Bufete Monroy:

Franco and Alba make an after-dark exit from the despacho. As he's handing her into the car to drive her back home -- i.e. the coffee shop, which is close enough for her to walk every morning with a fully laden coffee tray, but juarever -- he notices a flat tire. Turns out he doesn't know how to change a flat because all he ever does is hand porn and lawyer stuffs, so she does it for him. He calls her a little box o' surprises and grins goofily.

Meanwhile, Roberta is spying on them from her own parked car and just can't handle all that jack action. She hits the gas and tries to flatten Alba like a panqueque but only succeeds in pushing them into each other's arms. Well, so much for that plan.

Casa Urzua:

Julian is for some reason all alone in a house he doesn't live in, desperately trying to convince Nati over the phone not to turn herself in. She hangs up on him -- twice! -- and then refuses to answer his calls. He's just gotten out the requisite "no puede ser!" when Roberta crashes through the front door looking even more assymetrical than usual and starts chugging a bottle of whisky from the bar. They argue over who has the bigger problem, and of course Roberta wins because she's crazier. She peppers him with "sueltames" and "largates" and then runs upstairs and swallows the contents of every bottle on her nightstand.

Depa Duenas:

Ingrid flashes back to her brother's death scene, including a few small details we didn't know about. Apparently after Alba flipped the switch, she freaked out and switched it right back on again, but she was so overcome by grief and guilt and pretty tears that she didn't notice her husband was still alive. Ingrid rushed in screaming and chased her away, then very deliberately -- and permanently -- turned the machine back off. "Sorry, brother," she said. "I had to do it."

But that was not precisely the end of that, because now Javier's back -- as a ghost. "You killed me!" he wails. She gibbers that she had to do it, all she did was take care of him, she gave up her life to him, it's her turn. Javier doesn't seem to take that well, but fortunately for her he pops like a bubble when there's a knock on the door.

It's Old Mauro, stopping by to "make sure she's all right" (don't hold your breath on that one, Dad) and accept a thank-you cup of coffee for...I dunno, something to do with her car. He sees a ouija board on the dinner table, but she explains it away by saying that she and her brother were orphans and used to imagine they could communicate with their dead parents -- wasn't that silly? Somehow the conversation turns to the subject of getting over loss, and his long-dead wife, and how he's ready to find another woman to keep him company in his final years, and she starts giving him the crazy teeth and THANK GOD here comes Gabe who woke up thirsty and needs to drink milk straight out of the carton. I think we should ALL wash our hands now.

Destination TOHIMC:

Julian tells the maid to call an ambulance, then calls Franco, who drops Alba like a hot rock and texts Natalia, who rockets out of the police station before quite managing to confess. They all end up in the hospital crowded around Roberta, who is mercifully (for us) unconscious. Mauro turns up and takes the opportunity to warn Franco away from Alba. "In 25 years, I have never been unfaithful to your daughter!" snaps Franco. "Well, there's a first time for everything...and this one is different," replies Mauro. I guess he can hear the background music, too.

Casa Urzua:

Julian and Natalia bicker on the escalera. (And it is quite an escalera. Long. Hard. Marble. I don't think we've seen the last of it, that's all I'm saying.) He spins her a yarn about finding the guy she hit with her car -- he just had a couple of fractures, he's fine, he moved to Toronto. She can go ahead and be "friends" with Paolo if she wants, but she's not responsible for him.

Next we see her fast asleep in her bed, with Julian lying next to her and staring at her face. UGH. Can we wash the sheets, too?

Depa Leiva:

Dante has to undress Paolo and decant him into bed. He whines about all the women who keep leaving him -- his Mom, his girlfriend -- conveniently forgetting that he keeps throwing them out. Dante tells him to quit whining and remember who he used to be -- a champion, not a quitter. He tries to throw Dante out, too, but Dante says he can't drive so he'll just crash there.

Bufete Monroy:

Alba shows up the next morning with her tray, but Franco is still at the hospital. Mauro tells her she's hanging around too much and suggests she get a different lawyer. She tilts her little chin and says she'll take that suggestion from Franco and Franco alone. You go, surprise-box.

Gael comes in with the dead blackmailer's bit on the side, although it's unclear what kind of witness she'll make since she didn't actually see the accident. She thinks Julian is pretty hot stuff, though, and offers to develop more legal problems if he'll represent her. Just then Olga appears with some papers for Paolo to sign, and Julian, sensing another bullying opportunity, snatches them out of her hand.

Back at TOHIMC:

Roberta wakes and begs her husband to promise he'll never leave her. She can't live without him, he's her whole life, he's everything to her, the only thing she needs. She seems to have forgotten all about her daughter. He reluctantly promises.

Depa Leiva:

Dante lets Julian in, announces to Paolo that his favorite asshat is there, and takes his leave. Julian tries to browbeat Paolo by telling him what a loser he is -- he used to be somebody, sure, but he's NOBODY now. After he drops off the papers and leaves, Paolo displays a little "I'll show him" attitude. It will be interesting to see where that goes.

Depa Duenas:

Ingrid drags Gabe back home from school, screaming at him what a disgrace he is. He has shamed his family, dishonored his dead father, and killed Tinkerbell...by writing a love letter to another boy! Gabe's all "there's nothing wrong with that," but she smacks him a good one. He texts his Mom for help: "My aunt is crazy!" (Ya think?)

Alba appears nearly instantaneously and pins her cunada up against the wall in a truly impressive chokehold. "Did you learn that in prison?" snarls Ingrid. Alba starts to look a little abashed, which is a shame. Where's that tire iron when you really need it?

Labels: culpable