Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Me Declaro Culpable #31, 3/31/20: Some Very Illogical Decisions

A Fake-Out and a Wimp-Out

Paolo rolls up on Natalia while she's confessing into the phone and...he's wearing earphones and doesn't hear a thing. Cheap trick, writers. They have an endless back-and-forth over a lackluster dinner: she insists he watch the whole thing, not just the syrupy intro, and he tries to get her to just tell him whatever. Finally she pouts so much he agrees to do what she says she wants, which of course causes her to immediately change her mind. Bok-bok.

Later he accidentally deletes the video. These two together do not add up to one even mildly interesting person.

Bufete of Revolving Doors

Gael gleefully shows Julian into his new storage space office and takes away his liquor. Now that's just cruel -- how can you seek justice without the juice? They don't teach that in Televisa Law School!

Bertie materializes in Franco's office and, for her next trick, conjures both Alba with the coffee and Tiziano with the divorce papers. Franco is justifiably suspicious. Once he and Alba are alone, they have a karma-tempting exchange about how they are getting closer and closer to their goal. What's actually getting closer and closer is Mauro, who bursts in and catches them kissing.

Alba flees and the two cross dull verbal swords ("What is with you?" -- "No, what's with you?") until Franco remembers to spill the most important bean about the divorce -- that it was Roberta's idea. When he churlishly asks if Mauro can just accept that, his suegro tells him not to trip over the desk on his way out...after he drops his resignation on it. Buh-bye.

Aqua House Surprises

Mauro swings by to see Ingrid. She gushes about how well he's looking, and he quotes Nietzsche ("What does not kill you makes you stronger") and tells her to cover her eyes, he has a little surprise for her. At this point I have to pause the recording for my own little guessing game -- a Brunnhilde bustier? A pair of handcuffs? An STD test? -- but he displays a sadly predictable lack of imagination: it's a ring. "I want you all to myself," he tells her. Wouldn't the handcuffs have done that?

After Ingrid sees Sugar Granddaddy to the door, Javier shimmers into being, then shimmers out again. She pulls off the ring and runs around the house waving it like a pair of tin-foil rabbit ears to improve the reception. Javier reconstitutes and she clutches him tightly, begging him not to leave, she can't live without him, etc., and when she finally lets go...it's Gabriel.

They bicker about whether Julieta or Julian is the more inappropriate snogging partner, and Gabriel sends himself to his room. Aw, he's growing up.

Tiny Hitchhiker of Doom

Just as Natalia gets ready to pull away from her giant parking apron directly in front of Paolo's building, Katia hops into the passenger seat wearing a death's-head grin. "Is this the car you flattened Paolo with?" Nat claims not to know what she's talking about, but Kat tells her she knows she knows, and she knows she knows she knows, even if she can't prove it...yet. She also pinches her really hard right above the elbows, in the exact same place that Julian's always pinching her, and that's gotta hurt.

Mother's Little Helper

Natalia's having a histrionic panic attack in her bedroom. By the time Roberta comes in to "comfort" her, she's phoning in from the Dark Side: "You never loved me! You don't care about me! Katia knows my secret! She's going to tell Paolo! I can't stand it! Everything's going to the place that caviar and tacos go! I want to die!" She asks for one of her mother's pills. I guess they don't have to hide them in her drinks anymore.

When Franco arrives to see what all the fuss is about, Bertie tries to tell him their daughter is horribly upset about the divorce. Nat starts to set him straight but only gets as far as "I did a thing" before she gets knocked out by the crazy pill.

In other news:

* Roberta suggests that Franco get a hotel, but he says she knows perfectly well that he can't leave the house without prejudicing the divorce proceedings. Well, then, she hopes the sofa is comfortable. He'd better build a noisy barrier of kitchenware so she can't sneak up on him.

* Ingrid gives Gabe a new phone, and he tells her she can't buy his silence with trinkets. His price is a little higher: the complete lifting of the restraining order against Alba, or he dishes to Mauro that she's been entertaining apes.

* The next day, Roberta summons Julian to the fateful roof deck, grabs him by his black-and-white necktie, and huskily informs him that his drunken indiscretion with Katia has become a big problem for them both, and that he'd better help her fix it RIGHT NOW. How? By killing her, of course! Duh.

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Comments:
From the title to the final "Duh" you gave us a delightful recap. I love your crossed out "storage space" (wasn't Gael darling during the presentation?), "and for her next trick", "What's actually getting closer is Mauro", "Sugar Granddaddy", "Tiny Hitchhiker of Doom", "I guess they don't have to hide them in her drinks anymore" and "noisy barrier of kitchenware". Seriously, everything just struck me as so funny.

But, my favorite favorites were "waving it lake a pair of tin foil rabbit ears to improve the reception" and your gift guesses, which were so much more fun and creative than that ring. How do you come up with this stuff?

Gabe asked Ingrid if she'd had a fight with her boss. She works? I didn't realize the Queen of Halloween was a real job. What does she do?

You know, Katia is actually right. If this show were called "Katia, Skinny P.I." we'd be totally rooting for her. Not only did Nat put Paolo in the chair, but she caused great pain to Katia too. Yes, Katia bailed on him, but then realized he is the love of her life.

If it's Tuesday, I'm laughing. Thanks, Blue.
 

Blue Lass – thank you for your snarktastic recap! Too many good quotes to list
here….it was all great.

The younger generation has no clue about those tin foil rabbit ears. Bless their hearts.

Gael’s blazer (yesterday and today), while somewhat subdued, looks like it came from the back of Julian’s closet. It has a high Julian-ish “ick” factor. Maybe this plaid look is a “thing” in Mexico?

Skanky Ingrid got a ring, not a paper clip. What I really want to know is whether it's a cheap trinket, or did Mauro really drop some change on that thing?

There was a framed print/painting/something on the wall, centered perfectly between Franco and Roberta during their conversation. Did anyone else notice it? It looked either of a folk art style, or else like it was done by a crazy person. I could not decide. (I’m no art connoisseur) Whatever style you call it, that thing bothered me. Because it was centered between them, my guess is it is representative of their relationship.

How is Julian able to carry on in denial of his own personal involvement in the H&R of Paolo? This guy truly is nuts.

I'm sort of starting to root for Katia a/k/a Tiny Hitchhiker of Doom, just because I'm so sick of Natalia. At least Kat has .... cojones.
 

Great work, Blue Lass. Good snark!

Roberta finally said it: Love does not exist. Why, loca? Because you don't inspire it in anyone? What makes you so special? BTW, my narcissistic mother believed this, too.

Franco should be worried about this divorce. Not only was it drawn up by a competitor and enemy, it has a bigger price tag than he could ever imagine and I'm not talking about Mauro's threat.

Mauro, there's no fool like an old fool. If Ingrid doesn't bleed your a$$et$, she will drink the last drop of your blood. If you weren't so blind to your own daughter's crazy it isn't a surprise that you don't see hers.

Gabriel, you should have ratted Ingrid out to Mauro in the first place. He is probably your abuelo.

Natalia, you need to tell your dad about the accident. He might not come up with an instant solution but he will not want you to see the inside of a prison. And don't forget to blame Julian. Your abuelo will want to know about that, too. I'm sure the two of them would love to rearrange his face.

Katia, you walked out on Paolo when he couldn't make big bucks at futbol anymore, so what do you expect to gain from bothering him now? Also, you are too stupid to see that Roberta is crazy and dangerous so you will be the next murder victim?

Finally, how did Russian names get so popular in Mexico?
 

This was short and funnily to the point.
Tweedle crazy and tweedle dumb(julian&
Berti are havin their annual lets fix
Our stupid life meeting again on the
Famous Killing roof.

These 2 are crazier than a skunk sprayin Deodorant up his butt trying to get rid of the stinch. Ok that just
Came off the top of my head. But it do
Discribe those two numnuts perfectly.

I can honestly say I just wish natty
Would just go ahead and blow the top off. And pao wheeling in there with those earphones in his ears is just to
Much. What a dirty trick writer people
Indeed.

Senior nosehairs should go sit in a rockin chair. And tell us what he did to poor little berti when she was
Little that made her grow up crazy as
Hell. And got her wearing all those weird clothes.

What devorce? Yeah like that'll happen

Ingrid. Crazy still.

Thanks Blue Lass. Stay safe people, it
Is About to get crazy-er.
 

Ah BLUE LASS...My favorite standup comedian. Also a fab sit down at computer comedian. Lots of wonderful craziness seems to spring forth unbidden from that brain of yours:

Faves for today:

These two [Paolo and Nati] together do not add up to one even mildly interesting person.

Alba flees and the two [Mauro and Franco] cross dull verbal swords

[for Ingrid] a Brunnhilde bustier? A pair of handcuffs? An STD test?

waving it [the engagement ring] like a pair of tinfoil rabbit ears to improve the reception

[Nati's lament] Everything is going to the place what caviar and tacos go.

I find these episodes mildly interesting, but when re-told through your crazy eyes, they become hilarious. Thanks for re-formatting everything into High Comedy.

And in the "Am I bad?" category, I'm afraid I'm rooting for somebody to off Katia immediately. She's like some noisy, annoying little mosquito that just won't go away.

And seriously, why would Mauro be content with Julián's sloppy seconds? That just doesn't make sense. But I am enjoying Juls' banishment to the copy cubicle, sans whiskey.

As for Gael, yes, he lacks fashion sense and maybe his jackets do come from "the back of Julián's closet", but in this case, I think the wardrobe people are just presenting him as a straightforward, clueless but lovable, off the rack kinda guy. Who doesn't have the money for custom-made suits like Franco, Mauro and Tiziano. Perfect for our everyday kind of gal Bianca.

Toss us a bone Writers. These two [Gael and Bianca] are cute together. Every other couple is just sickening--I almost threw up when Mauro moved in on Ingrid for a nosehair kiss. And darn right, he needs to get an STD test. According to Javier, she's slept with half the male population of Mexico City. And Lord knows what Julián's track record is.
 

"And seriously, why would Mauro be content with Julián's sloppy seconds?"
I know, right? Bingo! Ew. Just ew. Maybe his nose hairs have grown up into his brain,
 

Perhaps it's desperation. He must be 80 if he's a day.
 

Good morning, all.

Dear Blue Lass, thank you, thank you. We surely need your wit and snark...the best medicine. I hope that everyone is hanging in there.

I noticed that Rob and Alba were wearing the same colors in The office scene with Franco ...red with a black layer on top. Was this planned ? If so, what message were we supposed to be receiving ?

Julian I the storage closet ...good. Lock the door.I have had offices below groundlevel ...no windows....can drive you a !little crazy. I immediately put big posters of the outdoors...., rivers, beaches, parks, gardens all over the walls. I am a bit claustrophobic having grown up IN The country being outdoors a lot. Good luck, Julian.

I must say that Ingrid's house is like a turquoise nightmare. I wonder who did the decorating... Javier? Alba? Ingrid? Property Brothers ?

Sun is finally out here, so I want to get outside to recharge my batteries while I can because the last few days have been dismal and drizzly.
 

URBAN ANTHROPOLOGIST...Ouch! Desperation...he must be 80 if he's a day. Hey, us 80-year-olds are sensitive!

OT

Good news: Given the new guidelines, the skin surgery center says that I can delay the melanoma surgery on my hand. So I'll be able to continue on Monday recaps, as long as something else doesn't go south with my health---me being 80 and all.
'
 

JUDY - well, that's good news, I guess. They should know best. (((Hugs)))
 

DORIS...Per guidelines, they're delaying all but emergency surgery and this melanoma is still in the beginning stages...it has not advanced to end stage where it might infiltrate blood and do away with this oldster. Something else may get me first, I figure. Who knows?
 

Judy, you are our 80 year old patio party girl who, and I'm quoting you, woke up yesterday "high as a kite". It sounds like a good move to delay the surgery. Listen to the doctors.
 

Judy. my apologies. But I was referring to the fact that Ingrid has to be younger than Roberta in addition to being crazy and a gold-digger. Mauro must have also been alone too long.

Glad to hear your news. I'm on standby if needed.
 

I am trying to limit myself to going outside only twice a week, but it's difficult. I still need to get my taxes done so I have to call my bank and e-mail my accountant, the latter of whom is doing everything via phone and e-mail. I will have to go to Target soon to get cat food.
 

Hubby had to go to the dentist today, to get started in two new (Ugh!) crowns. They are only doing urgent care. Hubby was very impressed with all the precautions the took in sanitization. Our NINA would applaud them.
 

Yaaaah JudyB, good news. Just stay safe n blessed.
Urban I went to check on cat litter for someone and I couldn't go in the store, they came out to me. Otherwise
Its business as usaul. With a mask.
As for my taxes, took care of that Monday. Yaaah done with that.
We got rain yesterday,now its chilly in North Florida. It felt like january
When I left for work this morning. But
Its spring and chilled.
Urban that wasn't target I went to it was a seperate pet supply store. Hope
You found the cat good you wanted.

Judy you may be 80 in body but you got a young snarkiness about you. Happy to read your snarky recaps, specially in these days of dark action.

Y'all stay safe, & try not to stress.
 

Greetings, everyone! And thanks for reading!

RlaO, that "Queen of Halloween" comment was too funny. On a bad hair day (i.e. every day), Ingrid does look kind of like a cross between a witch and a zombie.

Doris, the painting that weirds me out is the one going up the stairs at the Urzua mansion. It looks like a bunch of randos just parked their gum on it. What's THAT supposed to signify?

UA, thanks for pointing out the Mauro is (probably) Gabe's abuelo. I hadn't connected the dots. Now it's all even ickier, if that's possible.

Susanlynn, I used to work in an underground library, and I put up a giant poster of Bosch's "Garden of Earthly Delights." That probably explains a few things.

Well, the newly-set Katia table seems to be drawing both a small crowd and some social censure. I think I'll pull up a chair and hang out a while. The the servers are completely ignoring the Gael/Bianca table, and I'm tired of bringing my own snacks from home.
 

PS I'll be rolling the header/sidebar comments later on today, when I can get on the good computer. This one will let me change, but not save. :T
 

Speaking of Hieronymus Bosch... I've read the Bosch books by Michael Connelly and keep hearing good things about the series on Prime Video. That could be a good Isolation Binge, especially if our tn productions come to a halt.
 

We just started watching BARRY with Bill Hader. Dark humor. Very fun.
 

Blue Lass..ha..re: witch\zombie...would that be a zombie or a zitch???

I was a senior high reference librarian for awhile in what we called " the lower level library".....which had been the basement wrestling workout room. The kids had to tell me when we were going to be dismissed as early due to afternoon blizzards. That subterranean job was not my favorite for many, many reasons .

During my house arrest and this whole scary situation, I keep seeing in my mind'S eye Bosch's very disconcerting vision of hades.
 

We certainly can't call you Blue (except for a little blue language here and there). This recap was in full flower, maybe yellow and purple, as opposed to black and white. Savored all the above quotes and here are my faves (with commentary):

“Cheap trick, writers.” Yeah, just like Franco’s wet dream the day before.

“…how can you seek justice without the juice? They don't teach that in Televisa Law School!” Yeah, or anything else about the Law. Why haven’t we seen Franco in the court with motions for delays, etc., nasty prosecutors, ignoramous judges, etc.

“…he [Mauro] displays a sadly predictable lack of imagination: it's a ring. "I want you all to myself," he tells her. Wouldn't the handcuffs have done that?” Yeah. I didn’t hear the word *esposa* in either context.

Loved the allusion to Javier shimmering in and out. That ghost is really not very nice to her.

“…Natalia gets ready to pull away from her giant parking apron directly in front of Paolo's building…” Yeah, how is it that important leads in telenovelas always get a coveted parking space right out front, unless they have to park somewhere else as a plot propeller. To tell the truth, Katia jumping in the car scared the bejeezus out of me.

Loved the she knows game of endless knows.

RLO—I think what Gabe was referring to was having a fling with the Boss of the bufete or the Underling. Of course she doesn’t work. What on earth is she good at? Who’s paying the rent anyway?

That makes three of us in underground libraries, but that was only for the last 15 years of my work life and actually, I loved it. It was a huge space and it was laid out so it served as the office party room, too, moot court and continuing education classes (which I loved to attend). I had to keep a reservation book so we wouldn't have two events going on at the same time. The food was always delicious. My office also became gossip-central. The attorneys and other staff could always get away for awhile by "going to the library," so I always got the latest news.

 





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