Tuesday, April 21, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #46, 4/21/20: Everybody's Running, But Nobody's Getting Anywhere
Bride of Frankenstein
Paolo crawls and bawls. Natalia sobs and snivels. Roberta tells Franco if he doesn't do something about Paolo, she'll call the police. He tells her if she doesn't shut up, HE'LL call the police. Julian plays almost-dead. The padre looks everywhere but up.
Franco drags Paolo out into the waiting room and tells him it's very sad, but we can't fix everyone's lives for them. Based on literally everything we know about him, this is clearly a case of "do as I say, not as I do." He finally persuades Paolo to go cry somewhere else.
Roberta marches out of Julian's room and tells Franco everyone is waiting. He says they can wait longer. She tells him the padre has to leave. He says offer him overtime. She promises to take a wedding picture for him and marches back in again.
Franco drags Natalia out into the waiting room and tells her she's a grown woman, then proceeds to treat her like a two-year-old. I guess he's both good cop and bad cop. Apparently it works, because he returns to the room and coolly announces that Nati has left the building.
And Julian still doesn't move a muscle. What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?
Guess Who's Coming to Coffee
Alba breaks into a million melodramatic pieces: It isn't possible, her son MUST be well, Ingrid told her everything was okay! Julieta manages not to say that's the stupidest thing she's ever heard. Alba gains steadily in volume and repetition: How can she bear it, what will she do, why didn't Gabriel TELL her? Julieta manages not to say that maybe he had reason to think she, um, might have a hard time handling it.
Alba escalates to Defcon Howl. Julieta tries to call Gabe, but of course it goes straight to voicemail, because it's telenovela law. She asks for a glass of water instead. Really? Surely if there were ever a time to slip some mother's little helper into Alba's coffee, this would be it. But too late -- Alba breaks the gravitational pull of the café and rockets out the front door, leaving Julieta alone with Bianca.
Shhhh...if we're very quiet, maybe Julieta will realize there's a Door Number Three.
The Road to Ensenada
Paolo tells Dante he's made up his mind: he's going to move back home. But what about Natalia? Paolo says he would do anything for Natalia. He would climb the Andes with his teeth. But what he can't do is pack his own suitcase, so a little help here...?
Dante reminds him that he and his Mom fight like cats. Is he sure he wants to move in with her? Paolo says it's his house, bought and paid for, and after all the times his Mom showed up at his door asking for money, the least she can do now is listen to him cry. (What about us, Paolo? We've put in eight weeks. Could you maybe send us a check?)
Katia shows up all distraught and points her belly button at everyone. Why can't I go with you? It was my idea! Paolo explains that he doesn't. love. her. anymore. She must be taking a correspondence course at the Roberta Monroy School of Create Your Own Reality, because this seems to be a huge surprise.
The Way We Were
Julieta's oily ex has come around to throw expensive presents at Pedro, which is working great, because Pedro's not exactly complex. Oily Ex wants to move back in. Julieta dithers. He tries to kiss her goodbye-for-now, but she turns the other cheek.
TRY ON THE PLAID SHIRT, JULI. It could be a whole new luke for you.
Short Takes
* Franco asks Gael to drop all his other cases and take over Alba's. Agreeable doofus that he is, he says sure. He can't quite manage to squeak out the news about his family situation.
* Mauro comforts Alba. Dude carries a black handkerchief that probably smells of sulphur, but Alba doesn't seem to get the symbolism. He can't quite manage to squeak out the news about his family situation, either.
* Alba and Ingrid bicker over who can take better care of Gabe. Alba's gone all positive thinking, but I doubt Norman Vincent Peale is any match for poison tacos.
* Franco's on the phone with Natalia when Dante comes in to tender Paolo's resignation en route to driving him to the train station. Cara de impactada de Natalia, who looks like the worst possible thing in the universe would be for Paolo to travel to another city in the same country where she knows exactly where to find him and could drive there in her own car at any time because she literally doesn't have anything else to do. The only possible way this could be interesting is if Katia pops up in the back seat with a blow gun. Well, we can hope.
Paolo crawls and bawls. Natalia sobs and snivels. Roberta tells Franco if he doesn't do something about Paolo, she'll call the police. He tells her if she doesn't shut up, HE'LL call the police. Julian plays almost-dead. The padre looks everywhere but up.
Franco drags Paolo out into the waiting room and tells him it's very sad, but we can't fix everyone's lives for them. Based on literally everything we know about him, this is clearly a case of "do as I say, not as I do." He finally persuades Paolo to go cry somewhere else.
Roberta marches out of Julian's room and tells Franco everyone is waiting. He says they can wait longer. She tells him the padre has to leave. He says offer him overtime. She promises to take a wedding picture for him and marches back in again.
Franco drags Natalia out into the waiting room and tells her she's a grown woman, then proceeds to treat her like a two-year-old. I guess he's both good cop and bad cop. Apparently it works, because he returns to the room and coolly announces that Nati has left the building.
And Julian still doesn't move a muscle. What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?
Guess Who's Coming to Coffee
Alba breaks into a million melodramatic pieces: It isn't possible, her son MUST be well, Ingrid told her everything was okay! Julieta manages not to say that's the stupidest thing she's ever heard. Alba gains steadily in volume and repetition: How can she bear it, what will she do, why didn't Gabriel TELL her? Julieta manages not to say that maybe he had reason to think she, um, might have a hard time handling it.
Alba escalates to Defcon Howl. Julieta tries to call Gabe, but of course it goes straight to voicemail, because it's telenovela law. She asks for a glass of water instead. Really? Surely if there were ever a time to slip some mother's little helper into Alba's coffee, this would be it. But too late -- Alba breaks the gravitational pull of the café and rockets out the front door, leaving Julieta alone with Bianca.
Shhhh...if we're very quiet, maybe Julieta will realize there's a Door Number Three.
The Road to Ensenada
Paolo tells Dante he's made up his mind: he's going to move back home. But what about Natalia? Paolo says he would do anything for Natalia. He would climb the Andes with his teeth. But what he can't do is pack his own suitcase, so a little help here...?
Dante reminds him that he and his Mom fight like cats. Is he sure he wants to move in with her? Paolo says it's his house, bought and paid for, and after all the times his Mom showed up at his door asking for money, the least she can do now is listen to him cry. (What about us, Paolo? We've put in eight weeks. Could you maybe send us a check?)
Katia shows up all distraught and points her belly button at everyone. Why can't I go with you? It was my idea! Paolo explains that he doesn't. love. her. anymore. She must be taking a correspondence course at the Roberta Monroy School of Create Your Own Reality, because this seems to be a huge surprise.
The Way We Were
Julieta's oily ex has come around to throw expensive presents at Pedro, which is working great, because Pedro's not exactly complex. Oily Ex wants to move back in. Julieta dithers. He tries to kiss her goodbye-for-now, but she turns the other cheek.
TRY ON THE PLAID SHIRT, JULI. It could be a whole new luke for you.
Short Takes
* Franco asks Gael to drop all his other cases and take over Alba's. Agreeable doofus that he is, he says sure. He can't quite manage to squeak out the news about his family situation.
* Mauro comforts Alba. Dude carries a black handkerchief that probably smells of sulphur, but Alba doesn't seem to get the symbolism. He can't quite manage to squeak out the news about his family situation, either.
* Alba and Ingrid bicker over who can take better care of Gabe. Alba's gone all positive thinking, but I doubt Norman Vincent Peale is any match for poison tacos.
* Franco's on the phone with Natalia when Dante comes in to tender Paolo's resignation en route to driving him to the train station. Cara de impactada de Natalia, who looks like the worst possible thing in the universe would be for Paolo to travel to another city in the same country where she knows exactly where to find him and could drive there in her own car at any time because she literally doesn't have anything else to do. The only possible way this could be interesting is if Katia pops up in the back seat with a blow gun. Well, we can hope.
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Before we get into this snappy recap, Blue, did you have any problem with the storm? Did you see any waterspouts?
And speaking of waterspouts, I hope your leak got fixed, Judy. That's no fun.
So, Blue, what a great recap! Your final line of "well, we can hope" summed it all up perfectly. And how demented are we that we all got a kick out of "What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?". "Alba escalates to Defcon Howl", "But what he can't do is pack his own suitcase, so a little help here?", "What about us, Paolo? We've put in 8 weeks. Could you maybe send us a check?", "Katia shows up all distraught and points her belly button at everyone", and ""I doubt Norman Vincent Peale is any match for poison tacos" were my favorites of a whole litany of good lines.
Mean ol Ingrid told Gabe not to help when he was bending down to assist Paolo. That was awful, but somehow Sabine made it funny.
I'm amazed you were able to come up with so much good stuff from this episode. Thanks again.
And speaking of waterspouts, I hope your leak got fixed, Judy. That's no fun.
So, Blue, what a great recap! Your final line of "well, we can hope" summed it all up perfectly. And how demented are we that we all got a kick out of "What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?". "Alba escalates to Defcon Howl", "But what he can't do is pack his own suitcase, so a little help here?", "What about us, Paolo? We've put in 8 weeks. Could you maybe send us a check?", "Katia shows up all distraught and points her belly button at everyone", and ""I doubt Norman Vincent Peale is any match for poison tacos" were my favorites of a whole litany of good lines.
Mean ol Ingrid told Gabe not to help when he was bending down to assist Paolo. That was awful, but somehow Sabine made it funny.
I'm amazed you were able to come up with so much good stuff from this episode. Thanks again.
Thank you for the recrap of this dreadfully boring episode, Blue Lass. I’m so sorry you had to take one for the team and watch this. Even your title "Everybody's Running, But Nobody's Getting Anywhere" is spot on. When hubby asked 'how is the show going' while walking through the room, I told him "spinning their wheels in the mud." Great minds think alike, no? ;-)
But you still managed some snark from the dead horse a/k/a episode #46 with:
“ -- (What about us, Paolo? We've put in eight weeks. Could you maybe send us a check?)
-- The only possible way this could be interesting is if Katia pops up in the back seat with a blow gun. Well, we can hope.
-- What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?"
---but I doubt Norman Vincent Peale is any match for poison tacos.”
“(Roberta) promises to take a wedding picture for him and marches back in again.” I cracked up when she said that. Best part of the episode, for me.
How did Julian's heart monitor not ramp up with all the drama in his room? Oh please.
But you still managed some snark from the dead horse a/k/a episode #46 with:
“ -- (What about us, Paolo? We've put in eight weeks. Could you maybe send us a check?)
-- The only possible way this could be interesting is if Katia pops up in the back seat with a blow gun. Well, we can hope.
-- What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?"
---but I doubt Norman Vincent Peale is any match for poison tacos.”
“(Roberta) promises to take a wedding picture for him and marches back in again.” I cracked up when she said that. Best part of the episode, for me.
How did Julian's heart monitor not ramp up with all the drama in his room? Oh please.
Wowee wow..Blue Lass , what a fine lassie you are...
Maybe my favorite line ever " Katia shows up all distraught and points her belly button at everyone. "
You are bright spot in the midst of a very weird world.
I read your snappy recaps and for a few moments , I don't think about where and when I am ever going to hug my loved ones and get my next Honey Crisp apple.
Maybe my favorite line ever " Katia shows up all distraught and points her belly button at everyone. "
You are bright spot in the midst of a very weird world.
I read your snappy recaps and for a few moments , I don't think about where and when I am ever going to hug my loved ones and get my next Honey Crisp apple.
Permalink posted by 
: Tuesday, April 21, 2020 at 10:36:00 PM EDT
: Tuesday, April 21, 2020 at 10:36:00 PM EDT
Honestly BLUE LASS...I don't know how you managed to mine so much comic gold out of this dirge of an episode. I sulked all the way through it. So NOTHING! And yet you made it SOMETHING. Quite a magic wand you've got going there, lady.
The title first off: Excellent
And this whole paragraph:
Paolo crawls and bawls. Natalia sobs and snivels. Roberta tells Franco if he doesn't do something about Paolo, she'll call the police. He tells her if she doesn't shut up, HE'LL call the police. Julian plays almost-dead. The padre looks everywhere but up.
and about Franco:
do as I say, not as I do
tells her she's a grown woman and then proceeds to treat her like a 2-year-old
Other gems:
Guess Who's Coming to Coffee
{Alba} breaks into a million melodramatic pieces...gains steadily in volume and repeptition...escalates to Defcon.Howl
Wow...that was really a telenovela scene. I am so tired of HYSTERICS. More omnipresent than COMAS. But really laughed at the offer of a glass of water. Yeah, how could that possibly help? No more effective than the requisite té de tila that is also proffered to people weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth
The way we were
{Mauro} black handkerchief that probably smells of sulphur
all the quips that Rosemary la Otra and Doris mentioned
and finally, you scamp! suggesting door no. 3 and a plaid shirt for our Julieta!? Well, okay...Bianca looks like a fun sort. And the males in this story honestly don't have much to recommend them, do they? Anyway, very funny suggestion. Julieta's ex looks about 20 years older than she is anyway. She really needs to aim for somebody, anybody, about her own age. Not the kindergarteners nor the old geezers.
You certainly crafted a riotous recap our of an absolute dog of an episode. That takes talent, kiddo. Thank you.
The title first off: Excellent
And this whole paragraph:
Paolo crawls and bawls. Natalia sobs and snivels. Roberta tells Franco if he doesn't do something about Paolo, she'll call the police. He tells her if she doesn't shut up, HE'LL call the police. Julian plays almost-dead. The padre looks everywhere but up.
and about Franco:
do as I say, not as I do
tells her she's a grown woman and then proceeds to treat her like a 2-year-old
Other gems:
Guess Who's Coming to Coffee
{Alba} breaks into a million melodramatic pieces...gains steadily in volume and repeptition...escalates to Defcon.Howl
Wow...that was really a telenovela scene. I am so tired of HYSTERICS. More omnipresent than COMAS. But really laughed at the offer of a glass of water. Yeah, how could that possibly help? No more effective than the requisite té de tila that is also proffered to people weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth
The way we were
{Mauro} black handkerchief that probably smells of sulphur
all the quips that Rosemary la Otra and Doris mentioned
and finally, you scamp! suggesting door no. 3 and a plaid shirt for our Julieta!? Well, okay...Bianca looks like a fun sort. And the males in this story honestly don't have much to recommend them, do they? Anyway, very funny suggestion. Julieta's ex looks about 20 years older than she is anyway. She really needs to aim for somebody, anybody, about her own age. Not the kindergarteners nor the old geezers.
You certainly crafted a riotous recap our of an absolute dog of an episode. That takes talent, kiddo. Thank you.
I just hope Roberta doesn't try to buy/kidnap Bianca's baby and pretend she was pregnant all along. It's been a minute since we've had one of those fake abdominal padding pregnancies.
Thanks for the feedback, everyone! I always feel so appreciated by this group -- much more so than at my real job. ;}
Good snark, Blue Lass! All good quotes.
Rosemary, I don't know that there are enough episodes left for Roberta to try to pull that off. Now is not the time for the time jump this would require and there are still murders to solve. I'd also rather see Gael turn over a new leaf, find the right woman, and adopt that baby.
Paolo, save what is left of your dignity... and your life or Roberta will eventually kill you.
Padre, please refuse to perform this marriage.
Alba, call the doctor now.
Franco, normally you're right, but there is still too much you don't know. And tell your crazy wife that Natalia is not a child.
Natalia, tell your father now. You are on your way to becoming as insane as your mother.
Paolo, going home to mother? Really?
Mauro, here is your chance. You need to save your sane daughter and your grandson.
Alba, good. Give it to her with both barrels.
Natalia, that is the oldest maternal blackmail in the book. Giving life is paid forward, not back. She doesn't have the right to steal yours, whether you have have children or not.
Julieta, get a hold of yourself.
Alba, you are about to make the mistake of your life. Unless Mauro will be your new lawyer
.
Gael, you better do a good job. Call on Mauro for help.
Franco, don't stop Paolo. Let him go.
Rosemary, I don't know that there are enough episodes left for Roberta to try to pull that off. Now is not the time for the time jump this would require and there are still murders to solve. I'd also rather see Gael turn over a new leaf, find the right woman, and adopt that baby.
Paolo, save what is left of your dignity... and your life or Roberta will eventually kill you.
Padre, please refuse to perform this marriage.
Alba, call the doctor now.
Franco, normally you're right, but there is still too much you don't know. And tell your crazy wife that Natalia is not a child.
Natalia, tell your father now. You are on your way to becoming as insane as your mother.
Paolo, going home to mother? Really?
Mauro, here is your chance. You need to save your sane daughter and your grandson.
Alba, good. Give it to her with both barrels.
Natalia, that is the oldest maternal blackmail in the book. Giving life is paid forward, not back. She doesn't have the right to steal yours, whether you have have children or not.
Julieta, get a hold of yourself.
Alba, you are about to make the mistake of your life. Unless Mauro will be your new lawyer
.
Gael, you better do a good job. Call on Mauro for help.
Franco, don't stop Paolo. Let him go.
"Alba, call the doctor now."
I know, right? What an idiot.
"Franco, don't stop Paolo. Let him go.'
Yes, please, for the love of God. The Patio begs you .... "let him go, let him go ...♫♪ "(cue the "Frozen" music)
I know, right? What an idiot.
"Franco, don't stop Paolo. Let him go.'
Yes, please, for the love of God. The Patio begs you .... "let him go, let him go ...♫♪ "(cue the "Frozen" music)
Franco, who wasn't wearing his black glasses at the time, should have pressed Natalia for more info on her comment about Julian trying to protect her. He was a little surprised when she said that. Ask her again, you gorgeous shoulda-been-a-business-suit-model dense dad!
Haha, Doris! RE: Frozen... There is this really old obese fun-loving gay guy who sits behind me in our Weight Watchers meetings. One time the lecturer was addressing someone's emotional problem by saying "just let it go, let it go" and the guy behind me whisper-lisped "Oooh, Eltha".
Oh, BlueLass--What can I say that hasn't already been said. High praise for a fun recap of more craziness that is our Afternoon Delight.
My favorite is also: "And Julian still doesn't move a muscle. What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?" It would also solve a lot of problems for everyone, especially Roberta. As long as he's alive, he still has that video of her eliminating a witness.
These writers must be on "automatic." How many times has the tn trope been used where the main couple doesn't get the message or cant' get the message to its destination because of interference by others. They must have a list (BINGO?) with all these possibilities and either take them out of a hat or check them off as they use them. That interface between Nat and Emanuel was just so lame.
At least Julieta got her message across before Alba went into hysterics. Yes, Alba, get thee to the doctor WITH Gabe and start treatment NOW--not, love you mucho, see you tomorrow and we'll make arrangements so I can be with you forever and ever, despite Ingrid.
My favorite is also: "And Julian still doesn't move a muscle. What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?" It would also solve a lot of problems for everyone, especially Roberta. As long as he's alive, he still has that video of her eliminating a witness.
These writers must be on "automatic." How many times has the tn trope been used where the main couple doesn't get the message or cant' get the message to its destination because of interference by others. They must have a list (BINGO?) with all these possibilities and either take them out of a hat or check them off as they use them. That interface between Nat and Emanuel was just so lame.
At least Julieta got her message across before Alba went into hysterics. Yes, Alba, get thee to the doctor WITH Gabe and start treatment NOW--not, love you mucho, see you tomorrow and we'll make arrangements so I can be with you forever and ever, despite Ingrid.
What I don't understand is why all these people who are desperately trying to communicate with their estranged others who won't answer the phone don't think to use that handy text function. You know, the one that pops up a little bubble on the screen that says, "I didn't marry what's-his-name"?
Touche--The writers are certainly aware of that function. We see it used enough times. My screen is so small, by the time I get my glasses on and move to 1' away from it, the message is gone. Argghhh!
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