Monday, January 09, 2012

CME Bonus post by Anita - THE DEVOLUTION* OF DR. ALVARO NESME



Post by Anita (aka NOK)

 

THE DEVOLUTION* OF DR. ALVARO NESME
OR
THE SORRY DOWNFALL OF A RESPECTED TOWN DOCTOR

*Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 2d definition—Devolution = Retrograde evolution—Degeneration.

Key—If the phrase is followed by or includes parens, it comes from the author of the phrase; if in brackets, it’s an editorial comment.  If there are …[dots] at the beginning or in the middle, the missing words were part of a longer sentence which has nothing to do with the appellation.  There will be duplicates—sorry, it’s a long list, but when they are noted, the earliest occurrence is used and subsequent uses deleted.

Our esteemed Dr. Alvaro Nesmé is introduced in Episode #3 of Cuando Me Enamoro by his given name.  However, CarayCarayers soon had his number.  He quickly is recognized as the:

Drunk Doc

In which Alvaro is called on to save Rafael’s life

the butchering Doc
the really bad doctor
Dr. Borracho
El Borracho de Medico
DD [means Drunk Dr or Dr Drunk, take your pick]
DDr
Dr D
the boozy Dr
Dr. Nesme…yo, creepier than ever
Dr. Nesme…constructed from spare parts
…pathetic version of Spiderus [used in Llena de Amor]
Dr Death [First used by Carlos]
…a complete putz
Dr. Doofus
…that hideous excuse for a doc
…said creppt doc [daisynjay probably meant creepy, but creppt is so apt]
…Dr Death is not only an a**, he talks with his mouth full
…creepy hick
…he leaves with his teeny tail between his legs
Dr. Bobblehead who has everything (except manners, class and the ability to turn down a drink)
FrankenDoc
Doc Scumbag
Dr. Creepy [and all the possible permutations]
drunk doc [dup, but here he won his first Mr. Inappropriate prize]
Dr. Slime
Dr. Dumb
El Doctorcito
Dr. DoLessThanLittle
Dr.No no no no no…
Dr. Dud
Mr. Slimeball [he lost his medical title temporarily]
Doc Distorted
Dr. Yuck
Dr. Dunce
Dr. Doom
the Quack
Dr.Flask-at-the-ready
Dr. Mephesto
Doc ‘only a mother could love’
DR. BOOZE
dr.donuthin'
Frankendoctor
Dr. Ick [or Doc Ick or Icky, became a favorite]
Doc Dipwad
Dr. DoNothing Nesme
Doc Dip
Doctor Dud
Dr. Lecherous T. Pervert
Dr. Yuck
…that scumbucket of a doctor
Dr. Freaky
Dr. Drunkard

In which Alvaro forces himself on Kari to cumplir el acto—to submit as any loving wife should

Dr. Do-Less-Than-Little rapist
Dr. Duh
Dr. Drunk
Doc Dropdeadplease
Dr. Do-Nothing-But Drink (and rape his wife)
Dr. Jekyll
…he is slime
…surely there's another snake out in the vineyard... one with the Dr's name on it.
…the Dr. is one of Satan's minions
Dr. DNBD [Short for Dr. Do-Nothing-But-Drink]
…her husband is an animal (AniMAHL sounds so much worse in Spanish.)
…that dweeby snake with the beady eyes
…that slime-covered, lying, wife-raping, tequilla-guzzling mata sanos
He's wooden and  must smell of booze all the time
Doc Dastard
AlkieBrutoNesme
Dr. Dork
Dr. Disgusting
Dr Rapey-snake [aka Dr. Rapeysnake & Dr. Rapey Snake, Dr.Rapey, Dr. Snakey, Doc Rsnake,
 and other variations that got a lot of mileage; Julia first used it in Llena referring to Mauricio]
…this is DOCTOR Rapey-snake. He takes rapey-snake to a whole new level.

In which Alvaro has a roll in the dust with Alfonsina

Dr. Doom and Miss Muddypants [Alfonsina just had to stay in the picture]
…'ole beady eyes
…that ba$t@rd
Egad he’s a creep
Doctor Drinksalot
…I'm counting the days until Doc's liver flops over like a dead fish
…awaiting an equally spinless, besotted excuse for a medico to "attend" to [Renata]
Alvaro, who got his medical degree at Jim Beam University
Dr. Death--looks and acts strange
Doctor Alvaro [spare parts man]…. no doubt he's made of seamless modern external cladding material,
            which includes the cheap toupee, no doubt a cover for a USB port.  They plug him in while he
            floats in his nutrient tank at night. [gracias, Mike]
…sure his nutrient tank will take any sort of alcohol, the stronger the better
…drunken, slimy buffoon
Dr. SlimeyRapey
Dr. Sleeze
Dr. Lessthannothing
Drunk Doctor Death
…that dreck of a human being
SlimeBucket Alvaro
Doctor Buzz Kill
Doctor Scumbucket [and other near synonymous terms]
…her rapey snake husband who dreams of boinking another
Dr. I [nappropriate]
Dr. Pus Bucket
Pusaro
Doc Al
Doc Pusaro Bucket [cleverly combined by Cap’n SS)
Dr. Dim
…agree..that the Dr's assertion of pants wearing is disgusting but it almost pales next to surgery
            while drunk, spousal rape, sexual extortion, threatening to murder a child, and of course
mincing about in those ridiculous pastel leisure suits and white shoes. [Carlos can really
get to the heart of a matter with just a few words.]
Dr. RS [Dr. Rapey Snake, in case any one has forgotten]
Dr. Dingleberry

In which Alvaro learns Alfonsina, NHW*, is pregnant
*Not His Wife

Doctor Dingbat
Doc Ding Dong
Nasty Doctor Death
Slimedog Rapey Snake
Dopery Doc…simply looks like a mishmash of congenital abnormalities and syndromes that
            somehow managed to survive [more of Carlos’ marvelously picturesque language]
Doc-Is-Shooting-Blanks
…this man just looks like a cipher
He just oozes slime out of all of his pores
His Snakiness
…what... could Alfie have ever seen in this miserable tangle of defective genetic strands
Dirtbag Doc’s revenge

In which Alvaro is missing in action during the Storm

…go out in the storm, look up and open your mouth. Drown, please, now!
Dr. Worthless T. Drunkard
Dr. Useless T. Pervert
Dr. Lump of wasted tissue
Doc is …as useful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest
Stupid ass hat doc
Dr Creepo
Doctor Dim
Dr. Scuzzbucket
Dr. Drinkmuch
Dr. Drinky
Doc-of-the-bottle
Dr. Drinksalot
Dial a Doc
Dr.Drunko
Dr.Drunkle

In which Alvaro “housenaps” Kari, his long-suffering wife

Doc Demented [this label cannot be claimed by the Director of the Demented Facility]
Dr. Dial-a-Drunk
Dr. Drinks well past last call for alcohol
Doc Donor-with-a-b*n*r
Doc Disgusting
…it was pusbucket
…pie cart time for him. Can we slip a little arsenic in the pies, please.
Dr. gin and tonic
Dr. Lickyface
Dr. Scumbag
…that walking oozing wound of "human" flesh
…drunken Dr Nastynesme who murmurs Alfonsina’s name in his dirty dreams
Dr. Nesmenasty
Dr. Dreadful
Dr. Dips**t
Dr. Jack Daniels
…Alvaro takes offense, to this man [in the bar] and anyone in town he is DR ALVARO NESME!!
Dr. Never-saw-a-drink-he-didn't-want-to-guzzle-down
Dr. Killsthem
Dr. Vodka
Dr. Nesnasty

In which Alvaro is arrested and jailed for surgical malpractice

Dr. Nesmethenasty
…he could just as well been arrested by the fashion police for continuing to wear those 70’s
            leisure suits that he has in way too many colors.
…and the white shoes
Doc Creepazoid
crummy Dr.
Dr. Drunk and Drool
Dr.TankedintheTank
Dr. DrinkmeNesme
Dr. Nesme...convicted, sentenced, defrocked... and he hasn't even had time to sober up...he’s
going to be very disappointed when he gets the news.
…Dr Nesme will be pissed when he wakes up from pissing the night away
…Oh, I can see it now – [Augie] and Dr. Demented in their little white jackets playing
            checkers in the play room (complete with bars) and sipping their juice; nice...
ex-Doc
Doc Inconvenient
…he's a drunken, wife-beating, kidnapping rapist. Surely in this case annulment is in order.  That padre
needs to step up and push this, or Karina needs to get a new God.  [Man, that’s tough and we
haven’t gotten to cold-blooded killer, yet.]
Dr. Freak
…sleazy doc
…it's odd to see a woman consult her priest about having to have sex with her @%$^ of a husband
Dr. DastardlyBastard
Dr. Jailbird

In which Alvaro is revealed to be sterile

…e-vile Doc Do-Nothing is sterile! Bwahahaha
Doc Desert
Dr. Dried Up
Dr. Do Little But Drink
Doc Dirtbag
Dr. Dry-roasted
Dr Shooting Blanks
Dr. Deadsperm
Doc Esteril
Dr. LuckRunOut
Dr. Neslime
Dr. NesDeath

In which Alvaro is attacked in prison, declared dead, buried and resurrected in the third week

Dr Nasty [and all its permutations]
Dr PastyandMaybeNotDead
Dr. Dead or Alive
…really most sincerely dead…
Dr. Dopey
Dr. WhyIsHeNotDeadYet
Dr. @*!&#% is only mostly dead and not completely dead
Doc Badderthanbad
Dr. Butthead
…and was it really necessary to show this guy shirtless? Show full of hunks and we get this slime
            shirtless...gee thanks Mr. Director.
...useless, plague-take-it “doctor” had to darken our screens
Dr. Buzzkill
Doc WhiteAsADeadHalibut
Dr.Ickyshirtless
...whiterthangreysole Doc NotSoDeadAsWeWish
...greysoleex isn’t ex enough
Doc Zombie [or Doczombie]
Dr. Dreadful
The grey sole…is still beeping and pulsating
I will sign the petition…to stop the bare-chested doc scenes
Dr. Death Reincarnate
…where the hell is Dr. Van Helsing and his wooden stake to put a real end to Alvaro
DrDruginducedComaComingtoLife
Doc ShouldBeDead
…Why is this cockroach still alive?
Dr. Disgusting
Dr. WhyDon'tYouJustDieAlready
DrNotDeadYet
Doc OfTheLivingDead
Dr. JustDieAlready
DrKnowsSomething
DrDeathDefyingSlobOnaSlab

In which Alvaro, alive, is outed to the Padre by Jeronimo

Doc Invincible
… that oily skunk
Doc LousyBum
Operation: Doc Ain't Dead
Dr. Don'tTheyOwna NightShirt
Dr. upchuck
Dr. Abracadaver
Dr. Nesme the Nasty
…caldron of dead white… oh wait a minute,  those fish are thrashing around
Dr. ThankHeavensHe'sFinallyCovered
…dreaded doc
Doc DirtNap
The last thing we want to see is a reformed Doc
Dr. Overdueforcrossingover
DocIWishHeWasDead
Dr. PastyBalls
Doc-in-the-box
DocOughtToBePushingUpDaisies
Alvaricious
Doc NastyNames
Doc Makes MeHurl
Dr.Manynastynamesnesme
Doc WastedTissue
Dr. KillHimOffAlready
Dr Grossinstein
Dr. PastDueToDie
Doc JustDie
DeadDoc
Dr. DieAlready
Dr. Deathly
Doc IwannaBeFreeToDoEvil
Doc I’mSoSickOFHisFaceAlready
Dr. TooAlive
Dr.NotDeadEnough
Dr. DidYouHaveToShowYourFace
Dr. Fuzzy Balls-n-Chain
Reanimated Man
DrNotQuiteDirt
Dr. Creepy is not Dead
…return of the living dead
Dr. HaHaYouAreNotAWidow is not Dr. DustToDustAshesToAshes
…marido from hell
Dr. dirt
…the livingdead down at the jail, aka Dr. Nesme just isn’t dead enough for anyone’s liking
Dr. I wishheweredead
Dr. pleasejustdiealready
Dr. iwillneverdie
Dr. Iwillliveforever
Dr. Iamimmortal
Doc iwilldieeventually
The Undead Doc
Dr. Alvaro Nesmé - I just wrote that to see if I could spit out his proper name - I still want a shower.
Dr. AboutToCauseSomeMajorGrief NOT dead

In which Alvaro escapes from prison hospital, goes on a rampage and is rearrested

Dr WeHopeDiesSoonAPainfullySlowDeath
Dr PreviouslyInAComaThatDidn'tKillHim
Dr. Toonastytodie
Dr. Cockroach
NesmeReturnsFromTheDead
Doc Shouldbesharkchum
DrLivesOn
Dr.9lives
Manofa1000Names (aka Dr. 1000Names)
Dr. 1000 drinks
Dr. Dipsomaniac
Dr. Awful
Dr. Snatch&Grab
Dr. No
Dr. Shouldbeconsumedbyworms
doc Notdeadandgone
AlvarNo Nasty
Doc Unflushable
…runaway doc [and also Doc runaway]
…demon doctor who won't die
Dr. Drunk-o-the clown
He-Whose-Bucket-Has-Not-Yet-Been-Kicked
Detestable Doc
Dr. DrunkySkunk
Dr. AllVile Nasty
Dr. Awful
Dr. GivingUstheStinkShoes
NottheBridegroomzombie
He-Who-Should-Be-Pushing-Up-Daisies
Disaster in Disguise
Doc Please-Stop-Breathing-Our-Air
Doc DaddyYankee
Doc TryingToBeJustinTimberlake
Dr. WeddedBlissInterruptus
Creepazoid husband
Dr. LoserBoozer
Dr. OhShitHe'sNotDead
…nasty Dr. N
Dr. StealYourClothes
Return of the DeadLiving
Doc-StopforaSwig-Thenshoot
Dr. Psycho
…bad Doctor-not-dead-yet
Nastiness
NastyN
Dr. Dontlistentoherpullthetrigger
DocShouldbethestarofanautopsy
Dr. Creepamonte
Dr. Gunsucker
Dr. MyLiver'llBeLeatherSoon
Dr. WhatAWasteofAir
Doc PointShake'nShoot
Dr. Flask....don't leave home without it
…throw a match at the looney lush and he'd probably combust immediately
Nightmare on Nesme Street
Dr. HumanSlime
AlmostDeadAlvaro
Dr. RollinRatPoop
WishingAlvarooosoooDead
DocCrazy
Doctor PleaseDropDead
Doc AlwaysShootsBlanks
Dr. LockHimUpAndThrowAwayTheKey
Alvaro (refer to [Caray’s] incredible list for your own favorite alias)
Alvaro Nesmé (drop in alias here)
…booze hound doctor Nesme swigs from the flask or swills and slurps from a bottle
…resurrected Alvaro Nastay
…nightmare on Alvaro street
Dr.Dread
…may he soon rest in some kind of pieces
Dear Doctor Dastardly
Dr.NotMissingLookingAtHisFace
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,Yet-Has-Been-Named-A-Thousand-Times


In which Alvaro has a face-to-face with Renata and then sings his heart out

Dr. Alvaro McNasty
Nastynez crawls out from under his rock at The Rock
NauseousNesme
Nas-T
Dr.Dregs
Dr.DyeTheTopOfMyHeadOnly
psycho-perverted-lush
Dr. DreadfulShouldBeDeadful
Dr. StillWearingTheBadToupee
Dr. IhaveSeenTheLight
Ain'tDeadYetDoc
DocWhoWillNotDie

In which Alvaro is seen and heard less and less

Dr. FutureWormBanquet
Dr.soontobeWormbanquet
Dr-I-only-die-my-hair-on-top (thank you R la O)
Anvil Score (Nesme)=0. Nesme has to go. There is no redemption for this dirtbag.
Dr. Shoescrapings
Dr. UnendingObstacle
Dr. WhyWasIBornTodayOrAnyDay
NauseatingNesme
Dr. BirthdayBoyOhBoy
Nesme is just such a train wreck on all levels
Dr. OneUglyRatAmidstThoseCuteActingRats
Dr. JailBaitOhWoeIsMeI'mFriendless
…that Slime Bag

In which Alvaro is redeemed and Padre-in-training Antonio is the only one who cares

Dr.IrrelevantNow
Dr. N seems to be getting off easy.  His barbaric cruelty went far beyond his alcoholism.
Doc He'llAlwaysBeAFreak is suddenly turning "good."
Dr.WasteofOxygen
I was also hoping for bitter unholy defiance from Dr. Doom, not participation in a 12 step program.

        ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***

Tastefully collected and repackaged by NOK (henceforth to be known as Anita)

Friends in real life

Labels:


Sunday, January 08, 2012

Una Familia Con Suerte #70 Fri 1/6/12 For Whom the Chimes of Doom Toll

Mónica angrily tells her father, "I'm not telling you again!" She loves Pepe and she don't love Fraud. Then she apologizes, tells Enzo she loves him very much, but if she loses Pepe she'll never forgive herself. Enzo sighs heavily and asks himself why, since he's raised her from a baby, she's so much like her mother?

At breakfast, after Chela is toasted with orange juice, Lupita announces to the family that she thinks she's in love. (Who does this?) She promises to bring him to the house but asks them not to scare him off by making a big fuss.

A man we've never seen before sits in his study, surrounded by recording industry awards, and gazes mournfully at a photo of Manuel, Ana's would-be boyfriend. (I don't recognize the lad right away because he has a much better haircut in the photo.) In a flashback, hotheaded Slightly Younger Manuel tells his dad that all he wants is to be in a band. Dad says those are a dime a dozen and Manny's turning his back on his future. Manny says he doesn't want to study business and inherit the company. "All you've done is embitter my life!"

SLAP!! "Shut up, ingrate!" Dad shouts. Manny pulls himself up from the floor and storms out. Back from the flashback, Dad seems pained by the memory.

Pancho tells Chela he's happy she's back. Temo gets them to promise that they won't fight. (Ha!) Everyone cheers, including Chucha and Goya. Popeye is even given a line ("woof!").

Manuel has apparently disclosed his privileged background to one of his bandmates, and I guess everything's smoothed over beween them. He admits that things aren't going well with Ana because she likes someone else.

Pancho tells Chela that Rebeca is coming over later. Yes, she knows that Chela's there, she doesn't like it, but she'll have to accept it. This seems to cheer Chela up, but then Pancho reiterates that Rebe is the woman he loves. Chela's smile disappears. Pancho says Chela is his family, and she and Rebe will have to accept one another.

Pepe, Lupita, and Ana sit around at school when Alex shows up with a flower for Lupita and offers to treat them all to coffee. Pepe says he's hungry, so make it a breakfast. Alex agrees and says he's paying. Ana says "in that case, we'll get it to go." Pepe makes a snide remark about Alex's Daddy paying for it. Alex, whose father didn't even show up at the jail to yell at him and is probably dead, mumbles something like "he's not the one who paid" (I'm not actually sure) which kinda makes things awkward for a second. Lupita tells her siblings to behave. Alex wants to shake hands and make friends with Pepe. Pepe hesitates and asks if Fraud will disown him as a friend. "Fraud doesn't tell me what to do," Alex says, and they shake hands. Awwww!

Apparently Ana's attention wandered while this monumentally crucial alliance was being forged. She daydreams about Manuel and wonders how he's going to convince her.

Something is terribly, terribly wrong with Beto. He's enthusiastic, he's energetic, he's optimistic. They could get invaded by space aliens right now and it would be fine, because the numbers are gorgeous! Beeeeeauuuuuutiful! These profits are unprecedented! (Someone please double-check his math - he doesn't seem very reliable at the moment.) Beto says they owe it all to Pancho. Pancho tries to be modest about it. Beto adds that there's a rumor that Pancho and Rebe are an item. Rebe, who has been snuggling up to Pancho happily in front of Beto, tells him not to pay too much attention to rumors. Beto floats out of the room on happy invisible clouds.

Candy tells Pina she doesn't feel like doing the show today. Pina says she doesn't understand but tells her it's okay. Then she thought-bubbles that she doesn't want to tolerate Candy a moment longer and knows what she has to do to make sure that this is the end of Candy's life as an "artist."

Candy has filled Chela in on her great plan to carry on with Vince in secret. Chela tells her to have dignity, and Candy says "dignity hasn't done you much good." Ouch. she apologizes. Chela says Candy deserves better than to be treated as the "other woman." If Vince loves her so much, why doesn't he divorce Pina? Candy flashes back to Vice saying "for reasons that don't matter now, I foolishly put all of my property in Pina's name. If she finds out about us, she'll want revenge - she'll squash me like a cockroach!" Candy declines to share this with Chela and simply asks her to keep the secret from Pancho. "Candy, when are you going to have a normal relationship?" Ha, there's some irony. She apologizes.

Vice goes to see Dr. Cuckoo. He doesn't have an appointment, but insists it's an emergency. He didn't understand the story about the beetle and the cicada. The doctor does not agree that this is an emergency, but is too distracted to listen to Vice's panicked babbling because the clocks are about to strike the hour. CUCKOO! CLANG! CHIME! WHEEZE!! It's six o'clock.

Pancho lectures Rebeca about the friction between her and Chela. (Boy, I sure hope this part of the story is almost done.) Rebe is convinced that Chela's still plotting to win Pancho's love.

Now that the clocks have chimed, the doctor is just regular crazy and not top-of-the-hour crazy. He switches seats with Vice and instead of clarifying the cicada/beetle story, he tells a new one:

A giraffe wanted to get to the leaves at the top of the tree, but no matter how he stretched, he couldn't reach. An ant called up to him, "give me a lift and I'll get you those leaves." So the giraffe put the ant up in the tree and thanks to the ant, the giraffe was able to dine on the tenderest leaves at the very top of the tree. (I guess the ant climbed to the top and cut the leaves down.)

"How does the story end?" asks Vice.
"The ant ended up at the chiropractor."
"Oh, of course, why didn't I think of that. Tell me something, doctor - who paid the chiropractor?"
"The ant, of course - who else? Hahaha!"

The doctor tells Vice that Candy is an addiction. He has to stop seeing her ASAP to avoid financial and emotional ruin and end up crazy forever.

Pancho and Rebeca are about to start dancing in his office when Enriqueta walks in on them. Some fancy-pants magazine wants to do a piece on Pancho. He doesn't want to do it. Too bad, it's going to be good for the company.

Dr. Cuckoo calls Enzo to tell him of Vice's unscheduled visit. Enzo reminds him that he hired him to break up Vice and Candy. Dr. assures Enzo he can take care of it.

Pepe tries to sneak up on Mónica in her office, but his phone gives him away. She tries to ignore him while he turns down a date from from some girl he danced with at the party. He tells the girl on the phone that he's already in love. Rather than be charmed, Mo asks him about Celeste and he gives another smooth Pepe answer about how much he prefers Mo. Mo is grumpy and says he sounds a lot like Frauddie. Pepe said if their relationship were a little more serious, he wouldn't pay any attention to anyone else, not even Celeste. She says she already told her father she loves him, but they're not a "we" yet, she needs a little more time. He says she can have all the time she needs. (I think she needs a good five or six minutes.)

And now for the news you've all been waiting for: the bathrooms at the Casa Popular Daycare are coming along nicely. Whew! Alex gives Lupita some earrings. (I would have asked for Granny's house instead.) She regrets that she doesn't have anything for him. "Yes you do!" "Where?" "Right here!" And he kisses her.

Candy and Ana eat ice cream. Ana still disapproves of Candy being with Vince. She rehashes about the band and the guys wanting to be her boyfriend. She won't reveal who's the guy she really likes, but he doesn't know she exists. And she thinks Vice should get divorced.

Fraud is at the gym doing bench presses. "One... two... three..." Alex approaches. "...hundred," Fraud adds. He notes Alex's serious air and guesses that "the girl" broke up with him, or maybe it's "what happened to your parents." No, that's not it. He just warns Fraud not to expect too much of him and then he won't be disappointed.

So Mara, the lady from the magazine, is meeting with Pancho and Rebe. He calls her "Lara" by mistake, eek. In fact, he uses more wrong words than usual, with Rebe constantly correcting him. He talks about Candy's scandal at the Paraíso and says he doesn't want to be famous. (Now he calls her "Rara.") She says all of Mexico already knows his story. They just want to show his human side. (Wait, what side has he been showing so far? Cyborg?) Rebeca shows her to the door. Pancho asks Rebe to be with him when they do the photos; she says no, he'll be with his family and everything will be fine. FAMOUS LAST WORDS!

At dinner, Pancho yells for Candy so loudly it upsets the dog. He tells the family about the magazine coming to the house to do a feature on them. (This time he says the woman is "Amara.") They'll soon be the most famous family in Mexico!

It turns out that Pina is friendly with Mara. Pina wants Mara's magazine to do a story about Pina Opina and say something about Candy that will ruin her forever.

Pancho says the whole household will be included - even Chucha, Goya, Chacho, and Popeye. Chucha asks about Nico. (Last time we saw him, I think he was planning to have a colonoscopy... and he NEVER CAME BACK!!) He's gone to visit his sick mother. Now Chucha and Goya are eying Chacho like he's the last man on earth. Candy is all excited and regales us with an apparent product placement for a hair treatment that she didn't buy from Avon. Maybe it will make her hair fall out and she'll have to use an Avon product to fix it.

Mara says there's no way she can print any intrigue about Candy, but agrees to do a story about "Pina Opina" in general. Pina wants them to do it tomorrow so it will be in the very next issue. Mara says she can't do it tomorrow and the next issue's already full because of a last-minute story they're doing. (Strangely, she does not mention WHAT that last-minute story is!)

Alone, Pina wonders what kind of story could possibly be more important than her radio show.

Chacho is excited to hear that Chela's here to stay, and asks about her alleged boyfriend. She says he moved in with his mama in a faraway town. There is more exciting chattering, but Pancho's head is someplace else. "I'm thinking about something I have to do tomorrow," he says mysteriously.

Next morning, he takes out his phone and fluffs his hair. It must be time to take pictures!

Next time (ONE HOUR EARLIER STARTING MONDAY):
Popeye dons a necktie for the photo session. Elena tells a Televisa microphone that she's pregnant by Frauddie. Mara's mag identifies Chela as Pancho's wife. Will hilarity ensue?

Labels:


La Que No Podía Amar #5 Friday 1/7/12 I Need A New Attitude: In Which RoHellio Earns Bonus Points For Most Pitiful Cripple of the Year And Then Immediately Loses Them for Being Biggest Brute of the Year.



We return to someplace in the distant wilds of Mexico, a far piece from Tuxtla and civilization, to watch in horrific awe as Rogellio, crippled and emotionally crushed, is forced to crawl, utterly humiliated, back into his (really reedy-looking red) wheel chair while his former ladylove--the fine-lookin’ ex-fiancee, Vanessa--and his Nana Maria look on, speechlessly impactadas.  --Well, Nessssa, at least does. Maria, though, immediately gives Vainessa the bum’s rush to her babe-a-licious bum and slams the car door in Nessssa’s flawlessly farded face.  Ana Paula arrives on the scene a bit too late to check out the probable competition--or to give Viewerville the calamitous cacophony of feminine feline caterwauling it so readily thrives upon, hungers for, and rallies to.  (Ah, shucks!)

RoHellio tries to resist AP’s assistance.  There’s a battle of wills over the chair pad.  He claims that she looks just like Nessa, which, as Pau knows, sucks for her.  Pau says (and this is a rather loose, but fairly accurate, translation) “--Hey, Fartface, talk to the hand!  Ain’t my fault I look like her!  You got a problem with her, then settle it--with her!  I’m your nurse and I’m paid to take care of your sorry ass!  So let me do what I get paid for, you jerk-wad!”  Oh-Hellio! doesn’t have much choice after that and struggles back into the chair while AP holds it for him.  (Viewerville notes that it takes putting the stupid brake on first, which, of course, nobody bothered to do till Nurse Pau took charge.)

On her way home, Nessa stops off in another part of the hacienda to speak to Cinthia who has galloped up to the chauffeured car to greet her.  “--Weeelllll, I never expected to see you around here again, especially after all that--!”  Nessa says she never had the courage to before now, tho’ she’d thought to often enough, but once she did—Wow!  Rogelllllliooooooh was just hideous to her! (Viewerville notes it may have to adjust sound quality in future to handle Vainessssa’s whiny pitch.) “—You can’t imagine how horrible!!” “--Oh, yes I caaaaaannnnn!  Ever since you did what you did we’ve all had to suffer through [padecer = endure, put up with] that--[sh!t of his—thankyouverymuch, NOT]!!!  Sin-thia stops herself in mid-diatribe (tho’, amply and thoughtfully extended here by your dutiful recapper) and decides to change the subject.  “--Ok, so what’s happened since the break-up? Guess you got married and all, right?”  “--Oh, yeah,” says Nesssa, “trying to forget your brother, but it was u-u-u-u-useless!  My marriage is a failure and I can’t stand the situation on the home front any longer.  I’m about to get a divorce!!“   Visions of Vainessa returning to BroHellio’s side to free her from sisterly servitude dance in Sin-thia’s head, making her smile broadly.  (Loose translation: Whooohoooo!  Happy days are here again….!!)

Once Maria and Pau have Po’hellio back in his room, Pau suggests cleaning up that cut on his hand and putting on clean clothes.  He wants Hugo, then.  He screams at Maria to fetch him.  Pau is knocked back on her feet a bit by the shock wave his yelling produces.  Maria races off and Pau asks why he won’t trust her to let her do her job.  “--What for?  All the other nurses would be glad to have Hugo tend to me.”  She’s not like other nurses, says Pau.  She values the work that she does and he’s got a bleeding hand that needs to be cleaned.  Fine, he says, that’s what she’s there for: she can dress the wound, not him.  As she tends to his hand he slyly watches her muy, but muy, intently.

In San Gabriel, meanwhile, Vainessa runs into Bruno.  She tells him about the cluster fuck of a visit to Hacienda Hell-Fuerte for Daddy’s sake, and then they chat about the great old times the four of them spent carousing together—Sinthia, him, RoHellio and her.  Who’d ‘a thought neither relationship of theirs would pan out?

Back from the boonies, Sinthia races into the main house to give Oh-Hell! the great news about Vainessa.   He doesn’t want to discuss it.  “--Why not?  She’s getting a divorce!”  So what!!  It’s over with her and he doesn’t want to hear anymore about her.  Period! 

Back in town, Bruno suggests the three of them should start hanging out together again.  Not a good idea, says Nessa.  Bruno says he’s sure she and Sin have lots to catch up on and he’d make sure Rohellio doesn’t hear about it.  Yeah, ok, she says.

At the hacienda once more, RoHell wheels up to the veranda as AP finishes giving Margarito a reading lesson. He gives her grief for teaching the boy.  It’s her day off, she argues, so what’s the big deal?  He’s angry she’d dare to do anything with his employees, especially the boy, without first asking HIS permission. AP gives in and asks.  Turns out it’s a waste of time.  “--What the heck difference does that brat’s learning anything mean to you?”  She says cuz she believes in people--including him.  He says she’s got her head on backwards, and then rolls off--without giving the aforementioned permission.  (Viewerville notes for the umpteenth time how naive Ms. Dimples is.)

A bit later in town (San Gabriel?), Pau walks into Marcaria’s grocery store to make a phone call back home.  Tia Rosaura answers. AP asks if Gustavo ever tried to reach her.  Tia MentiRosa, who just happens to have Gustavo’s card in her hand, replies that Gus showed up at the door one day and he even left his card.  It’s a shame, tho’, Pau wont’ be able to write to him like she wants, since Elena (the vecindad’s self-appointed jewelry vendor) supposedly grabbed it up with the rest of her stuff and then unfortunately misplaced it.  Pau is still hopeful.  “--Oh, please ask her to look again for that card, ok.”  “--Sure thing,” replies MentiRosie.

Pau hangs up as Bruno walks into the little market looking for her.  They make a date to go horseback riding that day.  She loves the idea but she needs a gentle horse, or something.  Bruno looks disturbingly starry-eyed.

Nana Maria informs RoHellio that he’ll be eating lunch by his lousy lonesome.  FF>>

After lunch, Hugo assists Rohellio with skeet-shooting.  Unbeknownst to the two of them, Bruno is giving Pau a riding lesson in a near by pasture.  She’s tries trotting off by herself.  Suddenly the horse is scared by the sound of the rifle shots and it starts galloping away.  It races into the field where Hugo and RoHellio are.  RoHell sees AP fall off her horse –Oh Noes!!!-- and his heart jumps into his throat. They’re off to fetch her. Ro screams at Bruno not to touch or move her.  They send for a doctor.

Back at Tia MentiRosie’s, Rosie hears the front door open and stashes her travel magazine under the couch.   She picks up an old, thread-bare sock she was supposedly darning and puts on a humbled, tired, expression.  It’s Daniel and Michael wanting to tell Rosie his good news.  She’s thrilled he’s got a chance to earn extra for doing errands for his boss Gustavo and join him on some job site out of the city.  (Beanie Alert!  Beanie Alert! All those of you who are wondering how come Rosie doesn’t ask Boss Man Gus’s last name to see if Mikey’s Gus could possibly be the same engineer as Ana Paula’s Gus, tighten your credibility-gapper a notch or two.)  Mike doesn’t want to leave his auntie alone, tho’, because of how sickly she is.  “--Not at all,” says MentiRosie.  “You’ve got a chance to see distant places and to earn some extra cash.  You’d better go.  Cough. Cough.  I’ll do fine—cough, cough—while you’re gone.  Dany and Elena can take care of me.  Right, Dany?”  “--Whaa’??? Oh, yes, right.”  Dany urges Mike to go ahead.  She’ll take good care of his tia. 

Back at Hacienda Hell-Fuerte, Bruno gets castigated for daring to take RoHellio’s personal nurse horseback riding without asking his permission.  Bruno says, “--Excuse me, Ro, but the horses were mine and I didn’t think to ask you—“ Thwappp!!  Out shoots RoHell’s handy-dandy whip.  Bruno’s quickly down on the floor for the count.  RoHellio starts yelling and screaming like a wild man. “—I’M THE ONE WHO RUNS THINGS AROUND HERE!!!!!”  [¡Soy yo el que manda por aqui!]  Blood lust is the only expression we see in the close-up of Bruno’s eyes at this point while he remains obeisant, cowers down on all fours, and dutifully takes his umpteenth lash. (Arggggh!!  The entire batch of previously earned chalk marks Team RoHellion earned are now so totally erased!)  Bruno finally stands up again and we get a good view of the resultant bloody streaks lending the back of his dress shirt an added dash of color.  If AP can’t or won’t continue to work there because of her injury, screams RoHellio, then Bruno is going to find him another nurse to take her place! 

Back at the job site, Mikey gets word from Gus that he’s got a meeting with somebody who needs a carpenter, but the guy didn’t show up.  Oh, says Mike, he’s a carpenter and has worked in a shop and made all sorts of things before.  Gus gives him the chance to sub for the position.

Back at the hacienda, the doctor comes out with Nana Maria after tending to AP.  She  has a dislocated [lúxación] ankle (I think) and has to stay off her feet and stay calm the next few days.  There’s a boring discussion about why she fainted--something to do with blood pressure, I believe.  (ZZZZZ-zzzz)  Then Bruno backs out the door to fetch (and I do mean ‘fetch’) the medicines she’ll need.

Sometime afterward, Gus tells Mikey at the office that tho’ he’s good, he cannot switch positions to full time carpentry until after he’s there three full months due to company policy, but he’ll see what he can do to get him switched over.  He’ll give him small jobs in the meantime.   FF>>

That night Pau is still sleeping off the sedative.  RoHell is watching over her from her bedside.  She starts talking in her sleep, repeating the conversation she first had with Rosie about not wanting to work for Rogelio Montero because he’s such a wicked nasty man.  Whoah!  That gets him where it hurts, methinks.  He tries calming her down, rubbing her wrist and arm and cooing to her to sleep.  Pau wakes up, tho’, and is shocked to find him there by her bedside.  The last thing she remembers is falling off her horse.  “—Riding is tricky.  [tener su chiste = to be tricky].  You shouldn’t have done it without knowing how.”  Well, that was the idea, to learn, she says.  She was trying to learn.  Bruno was teaching her.  It was only that a shot startled her horse. Ruh-Roh! RoHell looks like he just might feel a twinge of guilt.  (Yep, you jackass, it was your fault after all, not Bruno’s!!)  Suddenly, thinking she’s got to go to work, Pau jumps out of bed and then gets a nasty surprise.   “--Owww!”  “—See how it’s not so easy when you’re prevented from walking?”  Nanny-nanny boo-boo!!  AP flashes him her nastiest angry Rn’s stare.

In another room of the hacienda, Sinthia teases Bruno about having a crush on Ana Paula.  She knows him well enough to know that he wouldn’t have offered to teach her to ride if he didn’t have a thing for her.  Bruno would rather discuss old times with Sin and “what might have been.”  But, Sin wanted a more worldly kind of guy, a big city type.  She smiles back a little wistfully.  “—‘What might have been’ doesn’t exist.  Anyway, you only wanted to marry me to see your family fortune increase.”  Bruno sucks it in.  His big brown wimpy eyes get even bigger and wimpier.

Back in Pau’s bedroom, Ro now lectures her on how easily things can change over night; see how now she can’t even do her job?  Well, Pau insists, she has to!  Doing what, he wants to know.  How is she going to push him around in the wheel chair and manipulate on those crutches at the same time?  Pau apologizes and suggests he can dock her pay for the time off work and the cost of the drugs and doctor.  He says there’s no reason to since she is working for him and though she was on her free time, it happened on his property.  It’s the proper thing to do.  She’s embarrassed that he’s the one having to look after her instead of the other way around.  No, he’s not doing that at all; he just wanted to remind her that she’s got to follow the doc’s instructions so she can get back to work ASAP—oh, and (imitating her words form before) enjoy the fresh air, the beautiful countryside, and take walks…walks through the estate. 

Back in the living room, Cinthia giggles a bit at Bruno’s feigned innocence.   Who’d have ever thought that instead of his owning half of this, BroHellio would have absorbed the whole of Bruno’s daddy’s estate instead?  Bruno doesn’t appreciate the remark and says they’ll never agree on that.  He then adeptly changes the subject to her, Nessa and him getting together like in the old days.  Sure, she says, as long as BroHellio doesn’t find out.  Bruno says he’ll make sure he doesn’t.

At breakfast the next morning Sin suggests to Bro-Hellio that if she can’t help with the management of the family business that she should be allowed to go to college to learn architecture. Ro puts her down and says she doesn’t have the head for it.  She’s better off in the kitchen here at the hacienda, learning something useful like cooking and cleaning from Maria!    (Okay.  Team RoHell’s count has just gone into negative numbers.)

Bruno is in the study with Rogelio discussing the fact that the competition is offering to pay them almost the same as Nessa’s daddy’s company.  Perhaps Ro should reconsider renewing her daddy’s contract, selling him “our cattle” since it’s a sure thing and the income is steady.  First of all, Ro-Hell has to remind Bruno, it’s all Ro’s cattle, and that’s not going to change, ever!  Secondly, not a chance he’ll make another contract with Vainessa’s family!  RoHellio’s done dealing with them—all of them!   He’ll work out his own contract with the competition and kick Vainessa’s family to the curb once and for all!

At the same time, Vainessa visits Daddy at the office.  In between hugs and coos, she tells him she went to see RoHell.  Daddy says that was a big mistake.  Her hubby wouldn’t like it, and she should have enough respect for both of them, despite wanting to get a divorce, to stay the heck away from Ro.  She tells her papi now that Bruno told her how the competition has offered in writing an amount close to theirs.  “--Rogelio is ready to sign a fifteen year contract with them!”  It literally gives Daddy heart palpitations.  He’s fine, he lies.  She is worried about him she coos.  (Damn!  Watch out for all the pigeon turds.) He understands her so well, where as Mama is a bossy busybody.  Vainesssssaaaaa  couldn’t stand to have anything happen to him!

Pau can’t stand to stay in bed.  She can’t stand at all.  However, we note that she’s all dressed and can hobble in to Oh Hell’s study/office.  She demands to be put to work, if only by helping him file his paperwork.  Hmmm, he says.  He asks what else does she know how to do?  The dimples double.

Back in Tuxtla, next thing we see is Nessa’s daddy clutching his chest and stumbling toward TOHIT’s entrance (the only hospital in Tuxtla) when Dany suddenly looks over and sees he’s having an attack of some sort.  She calls a doctor over and they walk him inside. 

At the same time, Ro-Hell marvels at pretty Pau’s filing prowess.  Yes, there’s more to her than just those…er…dimples.  FF>>

A while later, Dany is still waiting by the reception desk for Nessa’s daddy to come out.  She hands him the expensive pen he dropped on the ground on the way in.  He says he’s fine but who knows what would have happened to him if he’d passed out and fallen on the street somewhere.  He adds that the doctor said she’d done exactly the right things with him.  Of course, she smiles; she’s a nurse.  He asks if she works there.  No, she admits, she was checking to see if there might be a job for her yet.  Not to worry, she has a job now—working for him!   Dany’s thrilled!  Hallelujah!  Praise the Lord and pass the papas!

That evening, back at Hacienda Hell-Fuerte, Oh-Hell mumbles something about wanting to taste some of Pau’s baking.  She said she could bake cakes, right?  Yep.  She’s happy to oblige, even though it’s not part of her regular regimen.  One must adapt, right?  She floors him with her dimples and pearly whites.  (The screen is so bright Viewerville needs sunglasses.)   She gets up to hobble off to bed.  “—Good night, sir.”   Ro surprises himself by telling her goodnight in reply.  He digs out his photograph of Vainessa and himself then and begins staring at it.  Nana Maria walks in on him.  Ro shows her the photo.  Maria’s disgusted, saying she only came to open up old wounds.  Whatever, he’s realized that she’s not changed in all this time.  He’s wasted seven years of his life, he tells her, over a selfish woman who’ll never change.  That’s finished, he says.  He sets fire to the photo.  It’s finished for good.

Bruno helps Pau back to her room.  He apologizes for taking her riding and causing all this grief for her.  Nonsense!  She loved it, but next time she’ll just be more careful.  No next time for her.  He wants to protect her.  Oh, he’s such a terrific friend!  His eyes light up as she charms him with another one of her sweet as sugar smiles.

Maria tells Ro how much she hates Vainesssssa and what she did to him.  It hurts to see how unhappy he is, she adds.  “--It’s not enough to simply burn the photograph, tho’…You’ve got to find a way to wrench her from your heart.”

Gus goes back to Pau’s home in Tuxtla to tell Tia MentiRosa that because of his job he’s heading back to that part of the state, to the town where he met her.  He came to see if she wanted him to take something to Pau.

Back in his office, Nessa’s still worried about Daddy’s health.  He tells her he’ll be fine with his medicine.  Not if he has to deal with RoHellio, tho’, she warns.  Daddy asks if she really went to see Ro about the contract.  No, she admits.  She whines that she still loves him.  Marrying Esteban was all Mama’s idea.  She’d convinced her that he was the perfect match for her.  What a waste!

In Tuxtla, MentiRosie asks if Gus knows how to reach her.  Uh, no, he thought she might know.  “--Sorry!  She called, but then the phone cut out.  Oh well.  Guess you won’t get to see her there after all.  I bet you really are interested in my niece.”  “--Yep!  Hope it doesn’t bother you.”  Not at all, she says.  She likes him quite a bit.  It wouldn’t be right, anyway, for her to meddle in these things.  (In a just world, the woman’s nose would be around the block by now!)  Once Gus has gone, Mikey comes in from his room and asks who it was.  Oh, it was just Elena asking if she wanted to buy some tomatoes.  Rosie finally thinks to ask Mikey what the name of his boss is.  Too late!  Dany’s at the door.  She finally has a job now as a nurse!!  Felicitaciones.  Now she’ll be able to help with the expenses at home! (Turd alert! Turtle Dove turd alert)  “--So will I!” says Mikey.  He’s gotten a part-time carpenter’s position now at work.  Things are looking up for the two of them after all!  Oh, happy day! 

RoHellio is in better spirits for some unknown reason.  He tells Margarito he’s giving him permission to learn to read.  His nurse will continue to teach him.  Out walks Pau at that very moment and Margarito gives her the news.  He and Maria rush away to the kitchen.  Ms. Dimples thanks Ro for giving his permission.  Ro replies that she says it as if she thinks he’s going to change.  “--Why not?  Everybody can.  It’s just a matter of wanting to.  I know you can be a nice guy…when you want to.”  “—Well, if you believe in me like you say, then I challenge you.  [Te reto.]  Try making me a better person.”  From the size of her dimples and that smile on her face, there’s no way in Hell-Fuerte she wouldn’t take him up on it.  Game on!


Labels:


Saturday, January 07, 2012

El Mundo de Telemundo, Week of January 9 2012: Discuss Amongst Yourselves

¡Felix Día de Tres Reyes Magos! Ok, that was last week but whatever. I'm filling in for NovelaMaven this week.

Over to you.

Labels: , , ,


Newer›  ‹Older

© Caray, Caray! 2006-2022. Duplication of this material for use on any other site is strictly prohibited.

Protected by Copyscape Online Plagiarism Finder