Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Abismo de pasión #71 6/20/12: Sister Kenya, you had best intentions but you motored-in too fast, and your price per flight in finding Mr. Right proved too high…



Recap by Marta Ivett
 

Other subtitles:
Gael has his first big brother tantrum…
Horacio slips into doom
Paloma slips her tongue into possible unemployment..
oh I forgot, Dam and Elisa got back together… zzzzzzzzzzzzzz …ff>> on that
 
Refritos:
Flo argue with Guido… she assures him no one will take cookie-Dam from MY JAR. Guido eye-rolls and waves white flag.
Tangel-Ho teasing Horacio… tries to recite a ‘you do as I say’ rulebook segment… not in my job description. …  She teases what if your dear Dolores finds out that you carry in your conscience a dead named Blanca Elizondo? He looks like he is getting sick…
Lolita and Elisa at backyard. Lolita tells Elisa about Horacio’s plans to put on a business. Elisa suggests talk to Lucio… not about money silly, about the locale where Nina had her business.
Elisa spots Kenya… you THAT obsessed with my dad? …
 
Lo Nuevo:
Continue Elisa/Kenya… I know you have reason to talk to me that way. But wanted to tell you that what I feel for your dad is no fairy tale movie, I love him…  Go away. … Your aunt Carmina has lied to you and your dad all your lives… What do you mean?... This is something have to talk to your daddy about first…
(Elisa sends Lolita away)..
This accusation is serious… The first to learn about this must be Augusto. But soon you will find out everything.
Kenya tells Elisa ask your dad to come looking for me… Elisa is misunderstanding…
E: No can’t do. You were always hypocrite, you lied to me, even when I asked you face to face what you had with my dad…  
K: please, get your dad to find me. I assure you your lives will change.
Elisa still reluctant to listen.
T-H:(Pop goes the sleezel’) But I do! … (not sure the actual wording but Tangel-Ho warns Kenya into shutting up…) the only thing that will separate me from my husband is death.
K: I would not be so sure.
 
 
Back inside… Horacio is in Tangel-Ho’s hands… from today on you will be my slave. (Lolita comes in)
T-H: Hi Lolita! I was saying congrats to your fiancé.
Lolita counters: … Kenya is telling Elisa that you have lied to her and her dad all your live. Is that true?
Tangel-Ho runs out like mad…
Lolita very smiley with Horacio…
 
 
At Lucios’
Maru and Lucio are having a pleasant dinner… remember how Rosendo used to keep Gabino at bay?...
Lucio remembers the times he worked there… and she has worked there almost as long.
Maru remembers when she started there, Lucio was handing out invitations to his wedding to Nina… oopsie. Lucio is sad now… I understand, no one could compare to Nina… Maru takes the signal and shuts up and offers to do dishes. He won’t let her, so she heads out to leave. HE catches her at door. Thank you.. sure.
Ay blankita, blankita.  (snif…)
 
Paolo and Sabrina at bar/rest… Sabrina gives him a whole dissertation about how she got to be hairdresser/beauty consultant.
He sweet talks her… I knew you were crazy for (did she say Elisa or Carmina?)
He says that is over, and he now sees her differently, had not realized how she is truly… kiss…
 
Augusto and Inmundo walk together at downtown sidewalk…
Augie says Carmina is organizing a dinner party (would this new dinner party turn as disastrous as the one Augie organized to get Stefie and Alfie to make amends?)… don’t know if we will make it. Have a busy day tomorrow, but will move appointments to make the dinner.
They go into the rest/bar…  Sabrina sees them before they see her, so she hides under table (LOL!). Augusto and Inmundo get to see Paolo but not Sabrina…
Inm: that is the guy who was molesting Elisa, right?
Aug: Not only that, he also was bothering my wife…
The older ones leave. Sabrina pops back up. Paolo is ok with them leaving now.
 
Gael and Dam leaving rectory house,
Dam opens door, pop goes Kenya!…  Dam visibly uncomfortable.. Gael: Dam you go ahead, I have to talk to my sis…
G: Dam was a bit uncomfortable at seeing you, wasn’t he?..
K: don’t worry, I kissed him accidentally the other day…
G: SAY WHAT??? … What do you mean you kissed him by accident? There is no such thing as accidental kissing!! (well, I added a few words there… but he is really p__D, taking his big brother role very seriously)
K: nah. It was just a misunderstanding. BTW, can you hand this note to Augusto for me please?
G: … no wait, I know you are after Augusto… and about that whole business of following men around like that. That is WRONG!! It is just plain WRONG!! … Augie talked to me and said that he had felt strong attraction for you but it is over.
Kenya very excited to hear Augie felt for her. 
Gael says he believed Augie that there was nothing and will be nothing between them.
Kenya tells Gael about the kiss, and tells Gael she will fight for Augie, ‘le pese a quien le pese’ (no matter who gets p___ off about it)… She goes away before Gael can counter…
 
Outside the church, Kenya runs into Padre… Padre thinks  she and Gael were arguing about their mother… not about her… can I help you? I am here to listen to you…
K: Thank you padre but I know perfectly what I am going to do… (again she runs out on him. But Carmina got to see them and maybe heard something… her evil stare probably matched by her evil brain gears rolling )..
 
At the Tovar manor, Begone-ya confronts Sabrina about who was she with last night… Begone-ya is not happy with it being Paolo. Remember what he did to Elisa… it was Elisa who provoked him!... let it be clear I don’t want you to go out with Paolo again… I am not a girl anymore and girls just wanna have fun!… you are not a woman either! Don’t see that man again!
 
Back at Lucio’s…
Elisa arrives and tells him about the confrontation with Alfonsina… Lucio assures Elisa Alfie won’t be able to do anything with Augie not having a criminal record and Padre Loopy’s testimony that the gun went off accidentally. Elisa still not totally bought.  Lucio says ‘I understand Alfie might be a bit miffed, since Dam started working at your green house.. he is going to work there to prevent mommy to keep your property.
Elisa runs out, leaving him at half-sentence…
 
1st comm brk
 
Alfie on phone… at procesa…
She is mad at someone, yells at them that Augie has to go back to jail for shooting my son! (hangs up)
Gabino comes in, she did not expect him, did not call for him (man! Talk about making someone feel they are just your puppet)… She tells Gabino Dam will not go back to procesa for a while, so you are in charge. (Gab must be yelling AAAAAALLELLUIAH!!)
Gab: Is he alright?
A:Yup.. and while you are here, I want you to find me a way to destroy Augie and his family. … the blow has to be definitive now, so they will leave La Ermita once and for all…
G: You can count on me unconditionally…
A: btw, what is up with Ingrid Navarro? ...
G: what do you mean?...
A: you know exactly what I mean…
 
Said II is visiting Kenya’s house… but no one is home.
(Wow never seen any woman with so many freckle spots on her chest).
 
At Casa Castigo grounds, Kenya runs into Horacio… she leaves the note for Augie with him… she stresses that it is very important that no one else sees it.  Promise me no one will find out, least of all Carmina… Horacio assures her the letter will get to Augie.
 
Back to Arango Hacienda…
Alfie says II was his secretary, I had asked you long ago to make her evaporate…
G:  I am just surprised you asked me about her after so long. There is no sign of her…
A: why do you lie to me? II is still in La Ermita!! Someone saw her talking to my son at la fonda!! . find her!! .. even under the stones, I am fed up with your incompetence…
 
Back at Lucio’s.
Lolita gets there, Lucio thinks she is looking for Elisa. He Elisa her Dam is working in her green house, she ran out… even took my horse.  Lolita worried, how will all this end?... Lucio confident by now Elisa and Dam are making amends already. Lolita also came to talk to Lucio… she shyly tells him she has a boyfriend, Horacio, will marry soon.  He is happy for her… are you going to ask me to be best man of something?... no, although it is not a bad idea. My boyfriend wants to start a business, I want to give him my savings, and was going to ask you to rent me the locale where Dona Blanca had her business. Lucio gets instantly sad with memories.
Back at Lucio’s…
Lucio asks Lolita why didn’t her fiancé come personally to make the request?
Lolita says he (Horacio) doesn’t even know, Alfie fired him from hacienda only for defending Elisa…
(should have started there!) Lucio is already liking Horacio… give me a sec… (gets the keys for Lolita). Here are the keys… but you know that place is all messed up. I only fixed the facade.
Lolita says not to worry, we will take care of the rest. Just want to agree on a rent amount..
Lu: Nonsense!, take it  as a wedding gift. Lolita won’t accept, Lucio says ok, after wedding, when you are doing well in business, then we will fix a rent amount. You won’t change my mind…
Lolita says you are alone only because you want to, you are an angel. I love you so much. Me too.
(that was a cheesecaky-berriesontop-sweet scene, have to say)
 
 
At greenhouse.
Dam and Gael… Seems Gael was arguing with Dam about the kiss with Kenya… Dam says he understands Gael’s concern.
Elisa arrives mad,
D: are you not glad I am working here?
E: Of course not, came to ask you to leave.
 
Back at Green house:
Elisa still mad at Dam, Dam has to grab Elisa hard, Gael not happy watching from a few habanero rows back … she finds it hard to resist, but finds strength to push Dam away…
Elisa runs out, Dam in hot pursuit, Gael nods not liking what just happened…
Elisa gets on horseback… Dam follows her jumping on his white horse… you can tell she is a much better rider than he (he used to be good, according to Rosendo, but has not practiced in long time, I guess)
Elisa and Dam on horse, Dam falls. Elisa gets scared for him.. runs to him..
E: Are you alright? … are you alright?   
he tricks her, letting her get real close and then he grabs her firmly for a kiss… she can’t resist this time.
 
 
at Cenote… 
T-H: too bad my husband and Elisa won’t find out… (DANG!! Horacio gave her the letter! Ok that does it! I will never sit at Horacio’s table again. I am sure he will die saving one of the good ones, but he had no good reason to give the letter to Carmina… Carmina had no knowledge of that letter and would not know who would have given it to Augie.. so Sorry Horacio, you just lost my vote and prayers)..  my employee gave me your letter… lets say he owes me…
K: Glad you are here, Carm. I will give you the chance to leave La Ermita for good before your secret is out. Remember you told me you were interested in finding the secret I learned about you? about your sister, Augie’s first wife, Stefie… Augie has not had a second of peace ever since he heard that she had betrayed him with that man.. but it was you, Carmina! It was you the lover of Rosendo Arango, it was you the one that was going to escape with him!
(ok, Kenya must have definitely gone mad for her obsession with AUgie, if she expects Carmina to just go away like that just by her asking)
(comm break, the producers show a bit of pity for a character, giving K a few more seconds of life)
T-H: How can you prove what you are saying? …
K: you are denying it, right?...
T-H: I am denying it of course, since it is a lie…
K: Go away Carmina! By the time he finds out you could be far away, go home, pack your bags and go away! Don’t you realize you are complicating everything?
 
Back to cenote…
Carmina tries to buy Kenya’s silence…
T-H: I will get you any amount you want…
K: no, all I want from you is your husband, and to get him I need you to evaporate, to just go away …  T-T-H: (with a healthy dose of crocodile tears) I can’t. I need a couple days...
K: I won’t give you even one day, I want you to go away…
T-H: I can’t abandon him…
K: Please!, Augie won’t suffer, you are no Stefie!...
T-H: and neither are you! you think he will be happy just with my disappearing?...
K: I love him!! I can try to make him happy, Elisa and he will be able to heal the wounds of Stefie, he will start a new life with me. I am young. I can give Augie the child you could never give him!
(dang, Kenya! Did you really need to tell her that? Don’t you know that is her Achilles heel?)...
T-H: SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! maldita imbecil!!!...
Carmina looks around and finds a huge stick and hits Kenya right over head… then Carmina drowns Kenya.. when Kenya is nonresponsive, Carmina seems very shocked/impactada.. 
(AARRGGHHH!!!! No Ramona in sight… sigh … RIP Kenya)
 
 
 
At procesa…
Horacio stops by to see Braulio… he is looking for Dam, Brau says he won’t be back for God knows how long. Brau comments to Horacio that procesa workers all are miffed again to be under Gabino’s command. Horacio wanted to see Dam about a loan… Brau tells him Tona told him the story about Alfie firing him. Also know about him proposing to Lolita. Horacio wanted the money to move forward and marry her. Want to open a butcher business. Braul offers his savings (awww that is nice) as a loan. But on one condition, Lolita cannot find out I gave you the money. Thank you Brau.. hug, but Brau  not into it.
 
II went to Casa Castigo to find Kenya…
Augie tells II Kenya  is not there, and that he broke all relationship/contact with Kenya…
Aug: She came by a couple times but I was very cold with her. Wanted to end all this mess once and for all. I won’t split with Carmina. 
II is very worried that Kenya could do something crazy to separate him from Carmina... (now that makes me remember how crazy Kenya was stalking Paolo around in MC before any of them arrived at La Ermita so I see where II is going with this) Augie says he doubts that Kenya has the weapons to do something like that.   (Sorry I missed last line Augie told her, my guess is something about Carmina). II responds don’t be so sure.
 
Later At cenote,
Carmina is sitting at a rock watching the water, crying..
T-H: who told you ?? .. must have been Gabino… Gabino and your mother are together against me!... (she is looking into nowhere like going really crazy… scary)
 
At lake, Ramona and Padre Loopy… its hot!!... this is almost paradise! It IS paradise! Ramona happy she found a bracelet Paloma had lost by the cenote… she will be happy I found it!.. Padre comments that it is magical.. she lost it at cenote and it appears here at lake, it is a miracle!... Ramona says there are underground water streams connecting all these water ways… it would not be first time that things appear in this lake.. (anvil!! Anvil! Place your bets!! Place your bets!! I say Kenya’s body will end up floating on lake sooner rather than later)… Padre asks her what she decided on what he talked to her about (telling all about the accident). Ramona has not decided yet… But even the ground will shake when Don Augie finds out what happened that day, and that day will be here sooner or later.. and no one can prevent that..
 
The lovebirds… (have to say the spot they are on is greener and more springy than any other spot we have seen in La Ermita. It must have same irrigation system that Augie’s habanero fields have)
Elisa: your mommy won’t rest until she destroys me and my dad.
Dam:  If she does she will have to destroy me too…
Elisa: we still are not married…
Dam: but soon we will be husband and wife…
Elisa: I don’t want my dad to hurt you again… you know what he is capable of…
Dam: nothing matters other than us being together..
Elisa: for how long?...
Dam: for life…
 
At dr T office,
Alfie arrives to see Inmundo…
Paloma is pretty dry/smart with her.. reminds Alfie she has to make appointment. ..
Alfie: I am not as ‘toda la gente’.. since last night my blood pressure came down hard, so need to see him to check if it is serious…
Pal: he is not here, he went to see Don Augie. Why don’t you go to the clinic? You don’t look that good. I know Dam ended up at padre Loopy’s. 
Alfie tries to bring up the ‘affair’ between Inmundo and Paloma, Paloma slips her tongue and says the one that doctor was rolling over the gauze pads and bandages with was Carmina Bouvier!!..
Alfie impactada, smiles and leaves with the hot gossip.. Paloma feels bad she slipped her tongue.
 
Dam arrives at new home only to find Flo waiting for him
F:  Why did you leave with no word? …
D: sorry, I had a huge argument with mommy and I had to leave and did not stop to punch my card or sign out…. (Elisa arrives)… By the way, Flo, Elisa and I are back together…
F: (Flo puts the devastated drama queen act … )
D: Sorry I did you wrong, it was not manly to get back together with you for spite on Elisa… forgive me…
F: No! I won’t forgive you! And when she sends you packing again, don’t bother looking for me!..
El: I better go…
D: no! please Elisa!...
El: I thought you had talked to her!...
D: The one that looked for me was you. At the green house…
El: Now your mom will think I lied to you and that I broke the deal we had. I am very worried, I don’t know when your mother will try another blow against me or my dad!
D: (he hugs her)… let’s not worry about that… at least for today.. (hug and kiss)…
 
Previews:
Carmina and Inmundo.. seems Carmina is teasing/necking Inmundo into doing her another favor.
Alfie and Augie.. seems she tells him about Inmundo and Carmina…
Augie goes to bar/rest and punches Inmundo.. didn’t catch who else is there, my guess is Enrique or Lucio.
Flo tattle-tell-whines to Alfie about Dam and Elisa making up…
Dam and Elisa with little clothing making out at cenote.
 

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Refugio Para el Amor #37-38 Wed 6/20/12

Hi! I must admit that I lack the fortitude for these two hour episodes. I just get so tired by 9, and I can barely finish the recap. Is there any generous soul out there who could save my butt by blogging the second half of this show? I would be eternally grateful. I'm wistfully thinking back to the good old days when a show was a show, lasted an hour, and I could wrap it up and get something else done before I fell asleep!

Thanks thanks thanks!

Gala is talking to her girls and telling them that OBVI Rod doesn't have any real feelings for the servant girl. That hussy just threw herself at him, and, you know, "a quien dan pan que llore?" (Who cries about getting free bread?).

The next scene is in a temple so bizarre that I think it's a dream sequence. It's a hollow earthen dome with circular bleacher-style seating carved into the earth and candles everywhere. I studied Mexican archaeology when I studied abroad, and I was not aware of any indigenous cultures that built things that were round. Luci is having her moment of love with Rod, and the camera twirls around them. She wears the traditional white dress and hot pink headband of her native culture, and he wears the ugly sweater of his. They smile and kiss!
It doesn't last long, though. As soon as they leave they run into a pouting Arichel (this show's version of Familia's Temo), who doesn't want Rod getting mushy with his Luci. They walk him home.

Gala is scheming with Lastro about Luci. Lastro is trying to get her to cough up for some dirt on the girl.

Rosalena's neverending fit continues to not end. Matilde tries to tell her how much simpler everything would be if she let her son make his own decision (right? but then that would eliminate 95% of this show). Rosalena will not have her son marrying a servant. Frigida to Matilde: "You're betraying your boss."

Ugh. Rod makes nice with Arichel, who makes him spit-swear to protect Luci as her new guardian. They spit in their palms and smear them together. "Es un trato!"

Rosalena is praying to HER virgencita (my mom's first reaction: ooh, she's praying to some evil witch. To be fair, the shrine was very dark and she wasn't totally paying attention) to distance Luci from Rod.

Pat to Maximino: the only thing you're going to do with this effort to stop Rod from getting what he wants is pushing him away from this house.

Luci's mom tries to give her the "You two are from different worlds" talk, familiar from dozens of movies and plays. I think my favorite version of this talk was in George of the Jungle when the heroine's mom tries to convince a be-loincloth-ed Brendan Fraser to stay away from her daughter... But I digress. Luci pouts a bit and ignores her. "Look me in the eyes and tell me if you want a hard life full of troubles or a happy life," the mom asks. Leading the witness?

Aldo calls Vicky, who is trying not to wake her dad. She goes down to the street to smooch Aldo, but her dad catches them in the act! "Is HE your osito?" The dad proceeds to grill the terrified boy.
 Rosalena is freaking at Max for not being mean enough to Luci. "What, do you work hard, day and night, trampling your enemies to make more money, just so your son can get with a serving girl?"

Rod proposes, but asks the mom's permission! Mom flips out, runs away, the friend follows her, and Rod looks surprised and unhappy.

Rosa is hyperventilating in bed, and Max can't sleep. She blames him for being self-centered. He reccommends she see a psychiatrist and heads off to the couch, while she mutters "te odio" into the pillow.

Aldo tries to argue with Vicki's dad. "We're friends!" "Friends don't kiss on the mouth."

Luci's mom and her friend do an awful lot of overacting and alluding to her terrible secret.

Rod decides to head into the lion's den, confronting the scary mom.. You'd think if he was planning to propose, he'd wear a less-awful sweater. He tells her he's ready to do absolutely anything for Luci, and she says she thought the same thing when she gave birth to Luci and held the girl in her arms. She makes one last pathetic attempt to stop him with the "your family won't accept her" speech, to predictably little effect, and the cheesy music plays!

Gala flashbacks to Rod's speech at the engagement party, and finally gets what a jerk Rod was to her and everyone.

Mom gives them her reluctant blessing to fight every day to stay together.

Violeta will now get to sing every day!

Rod wants to climb the mountain to see the sunrise. He also says that if necessary, he'll separate himself from his mom, but he will never renounce his happiness.

Rod jumps rope in his empty new apartment, and ignore's Gala's call. In fact, he throws his sweat-towel at it. Then he gets dressed up, puts on some cologne, and smirks at himself in the mirror. Then he goes to Dad at work to tell him he's going to Marry Luci. Max advises him that love and marriage are two entirely different things. He should know, right? Then Rod asks him not to tell Rosa or Gala.

Luci is making pots, happier than ever!

The cheeriest villain I've ever seen strides in to find Luci at her pots. He tells her that it's his house now!

Frigida overhears Rod telling Pat about the proposal, but Matilde catches her and chides her for it. Gala prepares to do something drastic. She calls Lastro and tells him she wants everything on Luci, no matter the cost!

Vicky tels Aldo she can't date him because she's already going out with an old married dude. She leaves, and he sits down in a swing and feels small.

Luci's mom and her friend go to Galdino's grave and over-act some more.

Serapio, the undertaker wants a new image for his business. What could that be?

Rosalena is mad that Rod didn't let her know that he was home. She accepts that he can go back to his own apartment, but he tells her that he went to see Luci and her eyes bug out a bit.

Gala's meeting with Lastro: gives him a fat envelope of cash. He looks inside, frowns, and tells her that Luci used to attend clients in an "antro de mala muerte" (house of ill repute? den of iniquity? wretched hive of scum and villainy?). She wants the facts. It was at Inferno, Lastro says, and she she "served the clients," and there was one guy in particular who got super mad! She wants proof... he said the guy withdrew his suit after it became clear that someone in the Torresland family was protecting her! He'll give up one last detail if she pays up a little more.

Rosa to Pat, when he says that Luci was like a Torreslanda: I am capable of forgetting that you're my son!

Gala's mom has come to Infierno to get dirt... she knows luci's brother works here. Vioteta sees her and gets nervous. Vicky appears to have changed her mind about Aldo. Violeta unlocks a door for Luci's bro, the "favor of his life."

Aldo goes in, gets on the security computer, looks something up and starts loading it on a thumb drive. Gala asks Violeta (who's waiting on her) if she knew a Luci who worked here, but Violeta covers it up. Aldo and Vicky get caught! each says - he invitred me! They're terrified, and race on out of there. She's sobbing. She admits that she's been dating his uncle Max. That's it.

Meanwhile, Rod sets us up for the gossip-bomb by calling Luci the purest girl in the world!

Thanks for reading, guys!

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Abismo de pasión #70 6/19/12: The forehead crack’d from side to side ...

A curse upon your chiles cried

the witch who drives the plot.

Tonight, in the writer’s room, the Bitter Irony Squad was in charge. Lots of foreshadowing. Lots of bombs set to go off in the next few days. [The optimists managed to sneak in a little Tupperware – but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.]

The Old:

At Hacienda Harango, Alfonsina broadcasts Paolo’s scandalous history with Kenia over Radio Begoña. Bony B is troubled. She knows her daughter has a thing for Paolo. An anvil hovers.

At the Procesadora, Kenia realizes what the old airplane tickets mean: ¡No era Estefanía! ¡No era la mamá de Elisa la que se iba a escapar del pueblo con este hombre! (It wasn’t E! It wasn’t Elisa’s mom who was going to run away with that man!) An anvil hovers.

The New:

Ingrid doesn’t know what Kenia’s talking about. But she stuffs the tickets into her giant purse (they must be valuable or why would he lock them away all these years?), then closes the safe.

Casa Castigo:

Elisa, who still hasn’t noticed she forgot to put her pants on, replays Alfie’s threats for Lolita. She mentions how Horacio defied Alfie, refusing to kick Elisa out when ordered to do so and for his trouble, got fired.

Cantina:

Horacio discovers that the Gabino Mendoza Employment Agency isn’t hiring right now.

The Fields:

Damián, the city mouse, joins forces with country mice Gael and Lucio. Dam may not know from habaneros, but since they’re Elisa’s habaneros, he Dam well can learn.

Casa Tovar:

Edmundo listens dumbly as Begoña explains (dumbly, but using words) why she went calling on Carmina: she was just trying to please him by expanding her circle of friends. A pie cart rumbles in the distance.

Doc Tovar’s office:

Enrique catches Paloma on her way out and asks her to the movies. She can’t – she’s seeing Gael tonight. They’re novios! And since Dam is still in love with Elisa, Enrique shouldn’t give up hope for his hothouse Flor. That’s why God invented rebounds, right?

Casa Castigo:

Now jobless, homeless and penniless, Horacio seeks solace from Lolita. He’s heartbroken that he has to back out of his marriage proposal since he can’t support a wife. Don’t worry, she says, they can get married when he gets a job.

Horacio perks up. “Does that mean you’re saying yes?” It does indeed. And it was his defense of Junior Miss Chile Pepper from the black widow Arango that helped her decide.

The novios lean in and exchange a sweet smooch when ...

Enter Augusto. He had no idea Lolita and Horacio were keeping company. Horacio needs a job? Sorry, dude, there’s no money for hiring. Now Augusto squints and sees the “I Defended Elisa from the AlphaBitch” sticker on Horacio’s chest. Oh. Well in that case, he can stay and they’ll sort it out.

Kenia, reeking of sweat and desperation, the pit stains of the blue dress invisible in the darkness, lurks outside. She spots Paloma walking up to the house.

Elisa welcomes her best friend with a tongue-lashing. She’s furious that Paloma told Dam about the Faustian bargain Elisa made with Alfie. And now all hell is going to break loose and it is All Paloma’s Fault. [No one slaps Elisa here but we’ll all feel better if we close our eyes and imagine one. Thwaaaap. Okay.]

Dam, his back dam sore from working in the fields all day, surprises Gael with the news that they are going to be roomies for a while. He’s going to be staying with Uncle Lupe. No way he’s going back to the Hacienda after the stunt his mother pulled.

The Blue House:

Ingrid greets Gabino with her customary mating call: Gimme my money!

No can do, says the gentleman. The money is deposited in the bank. Under his name of course.

This makes Icky Ing a little testy. She tells him that compared to his late boss, Rosendo, Gabs is insignificant (muy poca cosa): ¡Eres así de chiquitito en todos los sentidos! (Literally, You are soooooo small in every sense of the word! Figuratively, Hit me.)

Predictably, Gabino slams her one, right in the kisser (Whamp!), drawing blood. He tells her to shut up but apparently she understands him to say “Keep talking – I love the sound of your voice”.

She’ll tell Alfie he’s kept her in the house and ... and ... other stuff! “Looky here!” She fishes the plane tickets out of the huge purse and waves them in his face. And she demands an explanation. Oh yes, the anvil hovers, hovers, hovers ...

And what does Gabino do? Damned if he doesn’t give her one! An explanation, that is. He spills the sad sordid Rosendo/Carmina story, Estefanía’s innocence and tells how Carmina came to lend them the house. He also confides that one day the tickets may protect him from Alfie. After all these years and all those lives destroyed by her insane and misdirected hatred for Estefanía, she would lose face if the truth were known.

Gabino knocks back a shot.

Hacienda Harango:

Alfie, still in her smart, sleeveless, beige and white polka dot shirtdress, has taken to her bed. Guido and Flor hover. She doesn’t need a doctor, she sniffles. She needs her son. And all he cares about is Elisa! Guido offers to go Dam-hunting but is spared the effort when Padre Lupe enters. No need, he says, Dam is staying with him. Lupe would like to talk to his sister privately, so Flo, still shlepping around the hacienda in 5” heels and jeggings and Guido, looking very slight, retreat obediently.

Alfie turns the switch from Pathos to Arrogance as soon as the Landuccis leave the room. When she begins “Damián is my son and everything I’ve done ...” Padre finishes “... is out of love and for his own good.”

Padre Lupe isn’t in the mood for her poisonous mishigas tonight. He tells her straight out: Change your attitude or lose your son forever! Goodnight, sister!

Flor is waiting outside the room and now begs Lupe to tell her what’s happening. Why is Dam staying at Lupe’s house? He’s her novio, after all. Her novio? That’s news to Lupe. He promises to speak to his nephew. He’s sure he’ll come by to see her and explain.

Padre Lupe’s home:

Gael is shirtless. Dam has his top buttons undone. [Hold the image for when you need it because the night is gonna get ugly.]

The two are grumpily marking their territory in the small bedroom. The conversation turns to affairs of the heart. Dam confesses that Elisa is still turning him down because she’s afraid of what Alfie might do to Augusto.

Dam disapproves of Gael’s courting Paloma when he isn’t in love with her. Gael accuses Dam of doing the same thing with Flor. More than once. (Well yeah, we know they’re both being jerks but they’re not ready to see it.)

La Ermita – el centro:

Pathetic Paolo has finally dragged himself out of bed, out of the house and onto his phallocycle. He rolls on down the main drag, spots even more pathetic Sabrina right outside her house, and convinces her to hop on. See paragraph one above. Note: no one is wearing a helmet. An anvil hovers.

Inside the Tovar house, the Rotten Orange and the increasingly delusional Begoña are extolling the virtues of mature marital love and the importance of learning from one’s mistakes. Begoña invites herself and Edmundo to dinner at the Castañon home the following night. As the Orange One leaves, both women realize Sabrina hasn’t come home yet. Uh oh. Still hovering.

Casa Castigo:

Lolita lays down the law: no pre-boda friskiness just because Horacio is living on the property. For his part, Horacio is ready to ask the padre to set the date. Horacio hasn’t said much about his family. What business were they in? His father had a butcher shop (carnicería). [A butcher shop? Oh give me a break!] Now he thinks he’d like to open a carnicería of his own right here in La Ermita.

Elisa comes home still unaware of her pantslessness. She’s delighted to hear their plans.

Hacienda Harango:

Toña washes, Braulio dries. Toña blathers, Braulio listens uneasily: Damián left the hacienda, Alfie threatened to destroy Elisa and Augusto and then fired Horacio for defending Elisa. And now poor Horacio is out of work (Lo puso de patitas en la calle She kicked him out) and it looks like poor Lolita may end up an old maid after all (a lo mejor queda para vestir santos) since there’s no money for a wedding now.

Casa Castigo:

Kenia crouches behind a wall outside the quinta. She listens to Augusto and Carmina chatting. Have we ever heard them speak so pleasantly to each other? They kiss briefly and he sets out to see Edmundo. Kenia lurks. The anvil is poised.

Donde Don Lucio:

Thirty seconds of sweet – Maru shows up with a stack of reheatable containers and Lucio insists she come in, heat them up, and join him at the table.

Donde Alfonsina:

Fifteen seconds of bitter reflecting thirty years of the same – Alfie stares at her image in a mirror, tears stream down her face. Wanna bet who she’s crying for?

Donde Padre Lupe:

Lupe is concerned about Florencia. Dam always complains that his mother is manipulative but isn’t Dam doing the same thing in his treatment of this young woman?

Speaking of whom ...

Guido coaxes his daughter to eat and frets when she talks about needing pills to sleep. He tells her it was a mistake getting back together with Damián. The truth is Dam doesn’t love her. Florencia isn’t willing to hear this. Why can’t daddy be more supportive?

Casa Castigo:

The Mean Orange corners Horacio: “If you’re going to be living here, you’ll obey my orders”, she snarls. “I need someone to do the dirty work.”

That isn’t in his job description, protests Horacio.

The Rotten Citrus has her own approach to Human Resources – do what she says or Lolita will find out he murdered Blanca! Anvils hover.

Elisa and Lolita (Lolita is the one on the right, the one wearing a skirt) are all joyful girlish glee about weddings and butcher shops. “Wouldn’t it be swell if Horacio set up his carnicería right on the spot where Blanca met a fiery death in her little casa de modas?” enthuses Elisa. “I bet don Lucio would help you out.” [The Bitter Irony Squad are wetting their pants in the writers room as this scene plays out.] Anvils fill the sky as far as the eye can see.

Elisa cuts her prattling short when she catches sight of Kenia, still lurking in the darkness. WHAT is she doing there? Enough with the obsessive stalker crap already!

Kenia defends herself: It’s not an obsession. She’s in love with Augusto! And he has never been happy with That Woman.

That Woman has lied to them her whole life! And now it’s raining anvils!

Take a deep breath and lie back and float in the cool waters of the cenote.

Avances: Carmina hits Kenia’s head with a stone and then pushes her under water ... Dam is determined to win back the shrewish, er, I mean, spirited Elisa’s affections ... Dam falls off his horse and Elisa appears troubled.

Labels:


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Refugio Para el Amor #35-36 Tue 6/19/12 DESTINY (aka Rod Torreslanda) Comes Knocking on Paz and Luci’s Door


Just the bullet point facts tonight folks, typed up in real time. Fill in any nuances I might have missed. If anyone would like to try their hand at recapping, we’ve got a few open spaces.

-Violeta brings Claudio Luci’s family’s deeds. Claudio is not surprised the Torreslandas made Luci’s life hell. He starts the investigation into the properties. He’ll miss Luci, but will keep in contact with her. He’s sure Don Aquiles is playing dirty with the properties issue.

-The Gossip Girls come to spread the word that everyone knows Paz’s house is for sale by Don Aquiles, and some gorda is interested in buying it. Magda is sure Luci’s lawyer friend will solve the problem.

-Violeta tells Estella she thinks it’s so romantic that Rod came looking for Luci. She’s sure he’ll continue looking for her, like in a fairytale. Estella says she gave him the money to return to Rosa.

-Rosa tells Padre what’s done is done and now it’s time for them to continue with their lives. She wants Padre to convince Pato of this. She also wants to now be at peace, which will be easier now that Aurora look-alike Luci is gone. She’s not going to lift one finger to bring the truth about Aurora’s baby to light.

-Claudio has some sad time at Aurora’s grave about Luci leaving.

-Rosa bitches to Connie about Rod returning to Mexico to see Luci, and gloats about getting rid of Luci. Connie is frustrated by her sister’s crazy attitude. Rosa says Connie would do the same to protect her family. Connie denies it and points Rosa to the truth about what’s really bugging her—Luci’s resemblance to Aurora. Rosa admits it.

-Claudio gets more legal red tape run around in his quest to move his wife’s and child’s remains.

-Gala has a fit with Brigida over the phone because her homing device on Rod stopped working. Brigida will get the info for her on Rod's location.

-Julie and Gala are determined to find out more about Luci’s past. Julie is sure Rosa will continue to be an ally. Better a divorcee for her son, than a servant.

-Rod hears Rosa admit her hatred for Luci is because she looks like Aurora. He gives her back the money she gave to Luci and reams her out. Max comes in and Rod announces that he’s going after Luci. Rosa’s threats against Luci have just made him see more clearly how much he loves Luci. Rosa has a breakdown and weeps on the floor. “Don’t do this to me Rodrigo, please.”

-Rod tells Pato Rosa’s latest tricks against Luci. Pato tells him that if he really loves her, then look for her and make her happy!

-Paz and Madga are stunned and happy to see Luci back.

-Rod asks Violeta where Luci went. (Can’t he guess?) Violeta isn’t talking. Rod begs and pleads his case.

-Luci tells the moms that she didn’t have the skills and experience needed to help the paralyzed young man she worked with, and missed them (Paz and Magda). Magda wonders if maybe she could have recommended Vio for the job. Uhm…Vio's happy with the job she has. Luci does not reveal the truth. Luci assures them that her lawyer friend is still working on the properties case. Magda wonders if this lawyer has other interests in her. Nope. He feels like a father to her. Luci is no longer afraid of Aquiles. She’s shocked to hear Aquiles is selling their house, but has faith that Linares will help them.

-Aquiles tells Procopio that what he did to him (the beat down) is just a taste of what he could do to him. He’s still plotting to get his little dove, Luci.

-Luci’s painting a pot when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Rod! (She really should have asked who it is now that she’s back in Don Aquiles country. She got lucky.)

-Padre visits Pato, who seems to be in a better mood. He shows Padre what he can do with his right hand. He’s decided to dedicate himself to recovering. He’s in a good mood because he’s sure Luci will be back. Rod’s gone to get her.

-Rod hugs Luci and kisses her passionately. She pulls away. She came back to the pueblo to get away from this impossible love. He clarifies that he didn’t take Gala to Miami with him. He loves Luci and wants to be with her.  He embraces her again and says he knows she loves him too. Rod says he’s decided to confront the whole world to be with her. (His mother, Gala, etc.) She starts ranting about how impossible it all is, so he shuts her up with another passionate kiss.

-Gala whines to Rosa that it’s her fault things developed between Rod and Luci, since she warned her about it. Rosa doesn’t want to hear it. She thinks they need to do something drastic. Gala recommends they hire an investigator. They want to find something in her past to use against Luci. Frigida has just what they need. She knows of someone who's been threatening Luci, with the initial “L.”

-Luci doesn’t want to be the cause of Rod separating from his family. All he needs to know is whether she loves him, then he’ll be prepared for anything.  He’s pleased she’s not calling him Joven anymore. He wants to hear her call him Rodrigo. She’s got a better name for him…Muchachón (mushashón). They seal it with another kiss.

-Luci and Rod make like Demi Moore and Patrick Swazye in Ghost and play in the clay. He asks her to marry him and gets a face full of clay when Luci caresses his face in surprise. He wants to ask her mother formally for her hand. He rushes out to prep for the big ask, and Procopio follows him, and then reports back to Aquiles.

-Pato initiates a meeting at Torreslanda to tell them he’s taken over some projects because Rod’s gone to San Francisco del Alto (Het Het) to find Luci. Max loses it. He calls Rod to asks what the hell he’s doing there on personal business when they have so much real business pending in D.F. Rod feels his personal business is more important and hangs up on Max.

-Lastra gets frustrated that he can’t reach Luci. He’ll use the brother to get to Luci. Ivan brings up how interested Aldo seems in their business.

-Lorenzo wants to make Lastra and the Torreslandas pay for what they did to Luci. Vio thinks the best vengeance will be for Luci to marry Rod Torreslanda. He who laughs last, laughs best. She wants Lorenzo to be careful about messing with dangerous people like Lastra. Forget vengeance. What he needs to concentrate on is Linares getting their property back.

-Luci is grinning from ear to ear when Magda and Paz return. She tells them Rodrigo came to find her and wants to marry her. Mom and Madga want an explanation about who this guy is. Who is he? Where did you meet him? Magda starts running around making coffee and getting things ready.

-The Torreslanda guard tells Lastra to take his ass to the street and away from the gate. Lastra then calls the house and gets Frigida. If Luci doesn’t respond, I will come looking for her at the house. Frigida can’t believe her luck.

-Rod actually shows up. I was worried Aquiles would break his legs or something. Paz nearly passes out when she hears his full name—Rodrigo TORRESLANDA. Madga catches her before she falls. They have her sit down. She catches her breath and tells them she’s fine. Paz keeps staring at Rod and chugs down some water.

-Flashback alert! Young gardeners Paz and Galdino, and some little boys playing in the background (Rod and Pato?) Luci, Rod and Magda want to take Paz to lie down. She doesn’t want to be rude to Rod.  When he strokes her shoulder in concern, she nearly passes out again.

-Rod tells Paz that he loves Luci and wants to marry her. Paz wants to know if his parents are in agreement. I’m a grown man and no one interferes in my decisions. Magda wonders if they aren’t rushing things. Rod points out that they actually met long ago, right here in the pueblo. All this DESTINY is too much for Paz. She decides to go lie down. Luci takes her and Rod worries about her to Magda. Magda just thinks it’s a mother’s natural reaction. She’ll be fine. What Paz wants most is the happiness of her children.

-Paz asks Luci who is this young man and how did they get to know each other. Doesn’t she know there’s a great difference between them. Luci tells her she knows this is the man that she wants to spend the rest of her life with and she loves him. Paz asks his parents’ names and nearly has a heart attack when she hears Maximino and Rosalena TORRESLANDA. She fakes being ok and has Luci leave her alone. Then she has a major meltdown. “Help me Galdino! What am I going to do with this heavy truth?”

-Magda brags about Violeta being a night nurse. Rod is surprised to hear this but doesn’t argue the point. Ariche comes over and wants to know who the muchachón is. He’s not pleased to hear he’s Luci’s novio. He looks the big guy up and down.

-Frigida reports the latest Lastra call to Gala.

-Julie gossips with one of her friends about how Rod could dump a prize like Gala. Julie keeps the Rod has a disease story going. Gala’s health is more important than the money she would have gotten, plus, Gala doesn’t need the money.

-Gabriel and Marcos tell Pato that Rod can check on the foundation they started while he’s up north. Pato does not want them to bug Rod with work. He’s off seeking his happiness. Pato also looks really happy.

-Paz pretends to be asleep, but is really crying in her room. Magda knows something is wrong and that it has to do with Rod. She begs Paz to stop crying and to calm down. Paz hyperventilates about Rod’s parents and how they’ll react.

-Rod tries to win Ariche over by having him give him a tour of the pueblo. Rod and Luci take every moment they can to kiss and coo, which annoys Ariche. The gossip ladies see Luci and Rod kissing in the plaza and assume he’s from the capital. They drool over Rod. Procopio also spies on them, but gets a nasty surprise when Ariche chases him off with his slingshot and some well aimed rocks to the butt.

-That milkshake Hannah is playing with looks delicious. Anyway, Hannah tells Lula all the drama going on at her house. She is sure, by continuing her studies, Luci will be a better wife for Rod than Gala. Boris comes over, and Lula leaves. He’s mad that Hannah’s had no time for him, and asks her to be his novia.

-Max wants Oscar to pay off the judge in a big way. Oscar doesn’t see the point. Plus, there is no way Claudio has enough money to beat them at the bribe the judge game. Max doesn’t care. He just wants to make sure the judge is not on Claudio’s side.

-Lic. Barrera is also worried about Judge Avila and tells Claudio. Claudio knows that the judge is a key piece (pieza clave) in all of this.

-Oscar asks Connie out to dinner, saving her from having yet another futile conversation with Rosa about leaving Luci alone.

-The three witches, Gala, Rosa, and Frigida meet about Lastra’s call. Gala uses the caller id to get Lastra’s number. She plans on calling him and does as soon as she gets back to her office. We’re both interested in finding that woman. Let’s do it together.

-Hannah tells Pato she told Boris she’ll tell him tomorrow if she’ll be his novia. (Clear as mud, right?) She’s not sure if she likes him that way, plus there’s the Lula issue. She decides Melissa will be the best person to give her advice, rather than Pato.

-Paz admits to Magda that Rod is the son of the woman who gave her Luci.

-Ariche is bragging to Rod that he’s the best with the slingshot, and Luci is pretty good too. He demonstrates his skills, then has Rod demonstrate. But Rod hits the balloon vendor instead. Oopsies! They buy all his balloons to make up for it.

-Procopio reports to Aquiles that some big, blond, blue eyed, city guy has come to steal his little dove away. No one will take his dove away from him!

-Paz continues the tale of how Rosa gave her the baby and money and made her promise to take Luci away so that she’d NEVER have to see her again. Paz doesn’t remember much about Luci’s parents. Just that the husband fell into disgrace and the mother Aurora died in child birth. Magda wants to know why Rosa didn’t keep the baby out of the goodness of her heart, as she was friends of the baby’s parents. Paz doesn’t know, but Rosa was always cold and distant. She hardly ever said a word to them. Magda thinks it’s DESTINY that put Luci back on that woman’s path. Paz is scared of what’s to come. Magda says it’s time Paz told Luci the truth. Luciana has a father who’s probably out of jail and looking for her. Luci has a right to be in that house as a lady of society, not as a servant like us.

-Rosa argues with the Padre again. Her job as a mother is to open her children’s eyes when they make an error. Later at the house, Julie rubs it in Rosa’s face that she can’t control her kids. Rosa says she’ll die before she lets Luci set a foot in her house.

-Pato tells Hannah that Luci would never come back to their house as a servant—she has too much dignity. If he were Rod, he’d marry Luci without thinking twice about it.

-Luci and Ariche dance in the plaza and Rod cuts in. Much happy dancing, swinging, and kissing.

-Don Serapio congratulates Paz on Luci finding such a great novio. Paz barley holds it together.

-Lorenzo tells Polo that Aldo wants access to the Inferno office. Polo thinks it’s a bad idea.

-Boris pressures Hannah into saying yes. She doesn’t look so sure. She interrupts Pato’s musings about Luci to tell him he now has a brother-in-law. Pato tries not to laugh at her.

-Rod and Luci stroll the streets of Het Het and shout out their love. She takes him into a little cave/amphitheater filled with candles, and they spin and shout their love at the top of their lungs.

-Another group of three witches (Gala, Rosa, and Julie) meet to talk about the investigation into Luci. Oscar and Connie interrupt. They are going on a date. No Julie, we did not invite you. Aldo calls to say he’s going out too. Rosa wants to make sure he’s not slumming with some low class girl like the other men in the family lately. Oscar and Connie go on their merry way (but not before Julie invites herself on a 3-person date with them that weekend), and leave the witches to do their bitching.

-Rod asks Luci once again to marry him in the romantic amphitheater of twinkling candlelight. They end the episode with a long, gentle kiss.

Avances: Gala and Lastra unite evil forces. Paz tells Luci and Rod that they will suffer.

Labels:


EL TALISMAN Post Mortem – The Last Gasp - 6-19-12


Post Mortem by Anita, Intrepid Editor in Chief, Freesnow Underground Gazette


Memorable Quotes

“I'm trying to imagine Pigorio's hell à la Dante Alighieri. Doomed to get his bacon scorched and then kicked hard for all eternity by pregnant, pithed off amazons wearing pointy-toed shoes? Rotisseried while having to watch a big screen of all is ex-servants enjoying the good life thanks to El Tal's generous new owner.”  The Cap’n.

“I wish, since Mariana had to die, that her ghost could have stuck around to haunt and taunt the immobile Pig. Or if she was unavailable, repeat visits from Elvira.” Carlos.

“No wait, the new favorite line is: ‘We know from past shows this means he [El Piggorio] has morning sickness and is pregnant.’”  The Cap’n quoting the original quote from Rosemary La Otra’s recap when Don G fainted.

“Everyone grab those feathers and hot wax and I will see you at the boda!”  Rosemary La Otra.

“So much hope, so little delivery. Still, it's been fun mostly because we made it that way. El Tal was a hoot to mock.”  The Cap’n.

“We were coming off a CME high and just assumed its replacement would be a decent substitute. No one told us the editors and continuity guys came over from Maybe I'll Come Home in the Spring. lol Does anyone remember that hallucinogenic movie?”  Rosemary La Otra.

“Nobody told us it was a comedy, either. We just weren't prepared.”  Forgettable quote from Anita.

“Well, the producers and writers deserve no awards, but our actors sure do. Aaron Diaz, for being the first to figure out it was a comedy and running with that, and also for best death scene. Blanca Soto, for perseverance in the face of all adversity. Rafa Novoa, for having the wisdom to be completely stoned throughout the run. Julieta Rosen, for never forgetting her line "el cheque es mio" despite the headbands cutting off the blood to her brain. Lola Ponce, for maintaining her cheer and lust even while wearing strangling tight pants for months.”  Julia.

“A blooper reel would wash some of the angst away -- and I imagine we'll be commenting well into next week and perhaps beyond. It's hard to let go of the oobleck.”  Blue Lass.


How We Might Have Made This TN Better

“I would always have Pedro with a brain, I would have told two actors portraying siblings not to ‘fool’ around until after the TN finished - their relationship was always apparent on screen. I would have given the cops some kind of thinking process if only for one episode. It was just too much of the "good" guys being soooo stupid, it was just too over the top. These writers should know sometimes the good guys do win one and it does not have to be in the last episode.” Nellie

“The first thing I would have done to make this TN better, I would have replaced the directors. The actors are all so wooden. I feel like I am watching a high school play (and that is being generous). It is not the actors or writers fault, it is the directors. Just watch any of the other TN and you see the actors actually moving around and well, just acting.

The second thing I would have done is changed the wardrobe group. The costuming is just ‘wrong.’ Cami in real life is very glamorous so why did they make her look like a throw back to the 60's? Doris always looks bad in whatever she is wearing. Lulu's very high heels make me cringe.” Rosemary Primera

“I wish that we could have visited Rennie's yacht. Surely Oscar has a boat.  I would have had Sarita in a different costume every day.  I would have liked more of Lucrezia, Doris, and Rita. 
More Oscar... he seemed so real.”  Carlos

“Aren't we overdue for a shower scene? The Prince of Darkness needs to take a long drench with some product-placed Suave shampoo and get rid of the grease and the scruff. Maybe if he were clean, he would feel better and behave better.”  Julia

“What to change:  Mariana doesn’t die.  Cut the Fab & Flo storyline. Maybe there should only have been one younger daughter--to make the Doris-Antonio relationship age appropriate.   Antonio should have been clean shaven and curly locked.  He should have been a little more Don Juanish with Camila. He could have wooed her a bit better and provided some conflict for her to choose between nice Pedro and naughty Antonio.

Maria-Angel-Manuel were great but came in too late.  More Rennie-Rita-Oscar-Elvira would have lightened the load of muck we got.  Don Gregorio could have been a more attractive older actor (so we wouldn’t cringe to see him in bed with anyone).  Make Lulu less crazy and more devious.  The whorehouse thing--we enjoyed making fun of it, but as smart as Doris was at accounting, she could have been cooking the books and stealing El Trash right out from under Antonio and Don G and found herself a handsome accomplice like Lucas for fun on the side.

Esteban's mother should have moved to Fresno and she wouldn't have taken and nonsense from Sarita and Gabe (or Elvira).  Claudio and Tia shouldn't have died in the explosion. They should have ended up in the hospital, terrribly wounded.   Claudio still would have had a chance with Flo--oops, forgot, I wrote her out.”  Endless paraphrased blather from Anita.  P.S. Carlos replied that, “Sorry, with GM footing the bill, that cute little Ford had to die a violent death.  Paty and Claudio were collateral damage.”


TAL*MART Grand Finale Sale.  No Refunds.  All Sales Are, Por Fin, Wait For It, Final

Clothing and T-Shirt Department

For Mike ONLY—Special order tee that says, “I can’t believe I watched the first 1/4.”
New tee with  “I can't believe I watched the whole thing!” (or summer porch banner)
New tee with “I'm SO glad it is over!" (also as a coffee mug, heck, make it a banner)
New tee with “I didn’t watch the whole thing, but enjoyed the recaps”
New tee with “They killed Renato! You bastards”
New tee with “Rafa can't possibly be as happy as WE are”
New tee with “Who’s Your Daddy?” (also mugs, ball point pens, and tote bags)
New tee with “POR FIN”
New tee with “The Few - The Slightly Abashed - The Talismaniacs! All for one and one for Alternate Fresno,” designed by Blue Lass
New tee with “The Few, The Proud – The Mighty Bashed, The Slightly Abashed - The Talismaniacs,” modified design by Anita

Cropped leather jacket (à la Lucrazy) with "Talismaniacs Raisin Hell" embroidered on the back

A Multi-colored Amorcito Pear apron for Tracy

Lulu’s red floor-length gown made to look like naughty underwear

The blue off the sleeve dress Camila wore to the wedding; the one she didn't choose after trying them on out shopping with Pedro that day…it was my favorite of the trying on session.

Rita and Rennie’s hand crafted from gently used headbands--short-short-skorts made out of 100% silk (dry clean only) or 100 % cotton

Fine lawn handkerchiefs with MI CHEQUE embroidered on the corner

Large avocado green table napkins with Wait For It, ES MIO stiched in yellow across the middle


Toy Department

Blow-up Glitter Mask Girl doll for Lucas.  Doris is temporarily unavailable

Blow-up Pedro doll for Lucrecia.  Washable, safe for drooling manicomio inmates


Grocery Department

Fresno’s Own Chocolatier™ selling individually, silver foil-wrapped replicas of Beltbuckle's last big meltdown in dark, indio xocoatl.

Holy Guacamole – blessed by the Padre, comes in flash frozen packs.  Defrost, grab some Tostitos from Maria’s kitchen or Ulises stop ‘n shop on LQNPA, dip, scoop and enjoy.

Edible Hats


Cosmetic and Hair Care Products Department

Fresh stock of Insta-Curl, for those desiring the HAIR, or the natural Aaron ‘luke’

Q=Speaking of hair, how about Cam's wedding 'do? That was some massive brioche on her head (attributed to the Cap’n)
A=Suave Products: attaching pastry to women's heads since 1942 (attributed to Blue Lass)

I'm going to go right out and buy some Suave Keratin Infusion Smooth and Shine Feel so I, too, can have el “luke” de Sarita


Special – Today Only

Coupon for The Only Frock ‘n Beauty (& Transplant) Salon™  in Fresno for Camila to get a brain, some pretty clothes and a decent hairdo. She is just plain dull.

Instant wedding kits with overnight delivery; crate includes strapless satin dress, rings, champagne, a selection of elegant foods on trays, flowers, and Suave hair smoother.  Kevlar vests sold separately.


Book, CD and DVD Department

New children’s nighttime story book, "Gregorio’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Slumber Party."

The New Spanish-English Telenovela dictionary, complete with screenshots of important guapos and galanes (and gallinas).

New Hercule Poirot mystery series set in Fresno.  In the first, One Big Yellow Underdog Pig, the famed Hercule arrives in Fresno by air to clear up a great mystery.  He checks into The Only Hotel Inn™ Fresno to take on the case of “What *was* the rivalry between the two great families from El Tal and El Alca” all about.  He rents a car and driver, then makes a courtesy call to El Capitán.  Mais oui, pour bonne chance, Le Capitaine aussi parle français.  The only clues he has are feathers, poison, a giant beltbuckle, some interesting glitter masks, avocado pits and some kinky leather pants.  He goes to see Brigitte at the Ho-House first.  He’s pretty sure she has all the answers.  Regrettablement, on his way to see her he has an accident when his automobile collides with an old turquoise colored Chevy.  While he’s in hospital being treated by Dr. Raúl, he learns that this mis-story was made into a non-award winning Spanish-language telenovela intentionally dumbed down for English-speaking audiences trying desperately to improve their Spanish.  Disappointed, he books a flight on the first plane back to France.  However, before he can leave, Le Capitaine calls him for help on “The Case of the Missing Pants.”  It had been assigned to Hawt Detective, but he’s been transferred to foot patrol.

Downloadable video of Rita and Rennie’s Awesome Crotch Shots (rated PG-13—suitable for the F¹ and F² girls, but not Santiagito)

A complete set of Aaron’s 10 favorite Westerns.  Uncensored shoot ‘em dead in clouds of dust, blood and palpitating heart scenes.  Individual DVD’s also available for rent from Tal*Martflix.

Angel Motivational CDs for listening while driving between Fresno and LA or Tijuana, "How to keep your avocados and your brains while surrounded by lunatics and high-pitched shrieking."


Miscellaneous Department

100% suede boda bag with leather, beaded fringe, tastefully leather-tooled on the front, “Who’s Your Daddy?” The reverse has a blank space for the purchaser to fill in.

Clearance on body bags.  Some clerk made a typo in the order.  It should have been bod-A bags (see above for detailed description of previous order).

Magic Eraser to get those pesky marker lines off your monitor (after you finish the Name Game)

Leftover Peacocks and Peahens.  They breed profusely, so in order to keep the population in check, substitute marble eggs (the hen is too stupid to know the difference, except she can count, so make sure you do before making substitutions*).  Fertilized peacock eggs are not that tasty, but in a pinch, they can be fed to El Piggorio.  *this is true

Fresno Yacht Club Grand Finale Celebration Glassware, from shot glasses to supersize.  If you are lucky, one of them will have an exact duplicate of MI CHEQUE in it, although it has no value.

Slightly used Yacht, for sale by Oscar, who is moving to Montana.

Julia’s Secure Locks, a Best Buy, but hardly ever used appropriately.

Reformulated Luminol—picks up bacon grease stains

New line of sympathy cards by Ufforea™ (what Pedro felt when this was over).  Appropriate for both the dead, the un-dead, the newly dead and the nearly dead cast and crew of El Talismán.
Just in—Por Fin™ anti-plaga spray, guaranteed to cure all those aflicted (Expires, oh, shoot, it expired 6-15-12).

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