Caray, Caray!

First, an apology. I've been making so many jokes about the hotness of Juan Cristobal on Mundo de Fieras lately that I've completely neglected the handsome men of La Fea Más Bella. But tonight, I shall remedy that.

In the boardroom

Sanchez, the chatty hot lawyer, says they (meaning himself, the scorchingly taciturn Rosales, the flamingly competent Santamaria, the radioactively handsome Fernando, and Lety) should have breakfast together, including a little tequila to relax, before their meeting with the judge tomorrow morning at 9. Lety's eyebrows twitch, but she and Fern agree to 9 o'clock.

Fern starts to grin foolishly, but then starts coughing nervously when the door opens. It's Marcia and the blazingly distinguished Humberto, back from their little pep talk. Marcia is walking like she has a broomstick up her butt. She stands possessively behind Fernando's chair and literally looks down her nose at Lety. Humbo announces that Marcia won't quit. The HaHas clap joyously. Darth Fluffy ('cuz her helmet hair is looking a little pouffier this week) says it's good news. Marcia snottily says she's not doing this for Lety's benefit. This doesn't seem to surprise Lety, who simply says it's important for Marcia to be there.

The HaHas are delighted. Sanchez makes a big speech about how he and his friend are leaving in a great mood. He thanks them for lunch and I think he picks something out of his teeth and flicks it into the ashtray (or whatever that thing is in the middle of the table).

As he and Rosales stand up, Sanchez hurriedly assures the others that there's no need to get up. (Omar, who is emitting invisible white-hot particles of devastating charm, looks amused, as does Fern; Lety looks neutral; Ariel looks annoyed as if his super-hot muscleman thong is too tight; Ter and Marcia look pissy like they always do when confronted with a lighthearted moment.) The HaHas file out, followed by Santamaria.

In the executive lobby

Sanchez congratulates Santamaria on a job well done and suggests that they go out for a little tequila. Santamaria politely declines, saying he won't have time. Sanchez tells Santamaria that they (the HaHas) will be at his service - as lawyers, that is, not as waiters.

Santamaria then becomes distracted by the sight of his beloved Bic Banana and excuses himself. Concerned, Rosales follows, but Sanchez detains him (with difficulty). Just then, Lola shows up, wanting to talk to them about her case, so Sanchez tries to distract his colleague by saying "look who's here." With perfect timing, the homewrecker Yazmin shows up too (I guess Alicia wasn't completely successful in running her off), and complains to them about how Lola picked on her poor defenseless (but surely hot) Flaquito that morning, and now she won't let her have her severance check.

Sanchez starts to lecture Lola about the law, but doesn't get very far because his dear Sara has just arrived at the scene as well. She tells Lola that she and the HaHas can use Omar's office to talk privately. (Sanchez has to drag Rosales along; Rosales is still staring at the big crazy canary.) Sara gloats that Yazmin won't be able to bother Lola now.

Sanchez looks at the artwork on Omar's walls, impressed and/or amused. (Is that a Miró to the left? I like it. I like the black & white prints on the wall behind Omar's desk, too.) Lola asks the HaHas if they'll help her with her divorce. Sanchez says he'll help her because she's a friend of Sara's. He says he can surely get her some good alimony. This pleases her and she wants to know how soon will that wretch have to begin paying his obligations. (Sanchez is playing with the toys on Omar's desk.)

Rosales says they're seeing a judge tomorrow anyway, so perhaps they can get it started then. This delights Lola even more. She says she'll wait for their call and she supposes they already have all the information they need? Rosales assures her that they do. (I don't know if it's common or even legal for a lawyer to represent one spouse and then another in the same divorce case, but it sure makes a great story.) Lola exits Omar's office on cloud nine, leaving the HaHas unsupervised.

Meanwhile, out in the lobby, Alicia is pretending to be working hard when she's hardly working. Santamaria seems impressed and says it was wonderful to meet her. She says it was wonderful for her too, and wonders when he'll be returning to Conceptos? (Speak of the devil: having just used the familiar tú form, she corrects herself with the formal Ud. form. Nice to know she's just as confused as I am. No, really, I know that's just her way of flirting, but it's funny that it would come up tonight.)

The HaHas have found their way out of Omar's office. Rosales starts towards Alicia's desk. Juana also decides that this would be a great time to wipe down the wall behind Alicia. Santamaria says he doesn't know when he'll be coming back to Conceptos, but says he'll give her a call and they can go out sometime. Alicia coyly says her schedule's pretty full of dates. (She must be referring to the days of the week that are already printed in a datebook when you buy it.)

Rosales interrupts them and huskily tells Alicia he's leaving. "Great," she says absently, turning back to her "work." He says he'll call her and they'll go out sometime.

Santamaria seems faintly amused. Alicia does not. She says "what??" and gives a laugh of contempt. Rosales says they'll eat and converse. He asks if she liked the little present he brought her. She doesn't know what he's talking about. He reminds her of the candy. "Oh, that," she says sharply. "Thanks." Rosales excuses himself again, pushing past Santamaria on his way out.

Santamaria makes a crack about her schedule being filled with invitations of great refinement. Alicia gets up, indignantly denying that there's anything between her and Rosales. Santamaria chuckles and repeats that he'll call her one of these days.

Juana finishes wiping the wall and runs into the ladies' room at warp speed to report this conversation to PM. (Alicia can hear them laughing from her desk.) It takes a moment for Juana to catch her breath. Finally she says something about burning Alicia's liver (it's an idiom meaning that they fried her bacon, i.e., she's really mad).

Sara grills Sanchez for information about what's been going on in the boardroom. (Martha watches, munching on a snack.) Sanchez says it's business stuff, and this isn't the kind of place to discuss it, and in fact he shouldn't discuss it at all, except she inspires his trust, so, what time should they get together? She says no, her going-home time is a long way off, and please won't he tell just a little bit about what's going on with Lety? They don't know anything. She makes a sad face and says her spirits are low. He assures her ("my sweet enchantress") that all is well.

(He is groping her lightly. Martha moves in closer with her snacks for a better look.)

He presses her for a specific hour when he can see her to tell her the rest. Maybe six? Before she can answer, he grabs her hand and kisses it. She looks slightly ill. Then he kisses it again and nips it! They all laugh and she says "like little dogs." He leaves. Lola tells Sara that they may be like dogs, but they're competent dogs.

The three lawyers congregate around the elevator and Sanchez tries to make small talk about the slowness of the elevator. In front of Santamaria, he asks Rosales how it went with the "platinum blonde." He says at first it was a bit crowded because their counterpart/colleague was there too, but they left it that he would call her. And, Rosales asks, how'd it go with Sara? Sanchez reports that, by some miracle, they'll be having a hot ("high-voltage") date at six. (Santamaria stares at the ceiling.)

Fortunately, the elevator finally arrives. On it are Luigi and Irma, wearing matching colors. Luigi, who is so hot his clothes could just melt right off of him into a colorful little polyester puddle, is started and exclaims "holy mother of God!" (i.e., Santamaria!) at Santamaria. Then he turns to the HaHas and strikes the Crane pose, addressing Rosales as Mr. Miyagi (y'know, like from The Karate Kid). Bemused, the HaHaHas get on the elevator and make their escape.

Irma warns Luigi that those were Lety's lawyers. Luigi doesn't see why this is a problem. The Bic Banana rushes over and advises them that Humberto wants Luigi in the boardroom. He asks why, but she doesn't know. He comments on her cleavage and she is offended.

Meanwhile, the cuartel are hooting with laughter over the lawyers' hijinx. Lola tells Sara she'd better get out there and hustle because she wants to get good alimony for her kids. They crowd around Sara and push her out the door.

The lawyers are all gone now, but Alicia and Luigi are still trying to solve the great mystery of what might be going on in the boardroom. (One way to find out would be to go in there as Humberto requested.) Alicia warns him that the mustached corncake is in there. They puzzle over this too and she says she could have asked, but doesn't like to gossip. She says she is the most discreet person in the office (in addition to her other great qualities) and heads back to her desk.

Luigi starts toward the boardroom to receive his devastating news, but is then accosted by Yazmin, who has been lurking in the background. She tries to lay a sob story on him and he asks if she's been busy sleeping with married guys from the supermarket. She says Lola's been withholding her severance check. Lola complains that it never ends, it never ends. Yazmin says it's not fair, she's worked so many hours that her whole body was sore all over (that's just hilarious). Luigi asks if she's stopped working. Hasn't she been out destroying men?

Yazmin says no, she hasn't been working, and her poor Flaquito can't catch up on their expenses. She blames Lola and the lawyers, of course. "Look how skinny I'm getting," she adds to Luigi. (Lola, Juana, and Martha laugh at her.) Luigi has her turn around and says the bubble (her butt) is gone! Yazmin says that Lola also told her that Lopez isn't around.

Lopez, with a scalp that burns brighter than a thousand suns, shows up and tells Martha he'll be in the boardroom. Yazmin starts asking him for the check. Lola tries to prevent the conversation. Lopez gives her a hard time about not having been around that morning and creepily tells Yazmin he'll see her after the meeting. She flips her hair at him and says he's a great man in every sense of the word. Blech. He squeaks his head and goes to the meeting.

Luigi whispers something into Martha's ear. Martha whispers into Juana's ear. Juana shudders and repeats it into Lola's ear. Lola repeats it to Yazmin.

Whatever they said, Yazmin is mightily offended and screams at them. The feas scatter, and Luigi goes to the boardroom.

"So that's it, huh?" Yazmin mutters to herself with a spiteful smile.

In the boardroom again

Luigi announces himself and acts startled to see the "platypus." He asks where has she been, shut up in a cave, or what? She replies, "I'm very glad to see you too." Humberto orders him to sit, and Luigi must take the only seat available, right next to Lety! Humberto tells him that the committee has made a decision about the new president of Conceptos. Luigi assumes that it's him, and says he'll do it, but only on the condition that "this thing" (Lety) won't be his assistant. Because his retinas are very sensitive, his eyes are very delicate. (He is failing to notice all the concerned looks on everyone's faces.)

Humberto tells him that Lety is the new president of Conceptos. Lety grins broadly at him, showing off her many thousands of dollars' worth of orthodontia. Finally Luigi recovers from his shock and laughs. He says it was a mean joke, they're a bunch of clowns. But, seriously, he asks, who is the new president? Impatiently, Ariel tells him it really is Lety. No clowning. Luigi thinks this is one hell of a great joke. Where's the hidden camera? Is it Candid Camera? (LOL, the captions say "Candy Camera"!) Hi, hello, smile!, he sings. (For a moment there, I'm afraid he's going to do the whole song.) He is still not seeing the very grave looks that people are giving him.

"Luigi, even if it gives you all the palpitations in the world, I am the new president," she tells him. He says no, now it's triple palpitations, somebody call Irma for his valerian please. He says he's sorry, but he'll quit if this is true. Humberto says no, they've been working on this for days, it's been very difficult, and Luigi has to help. It's only temporary, but everyone must collaborate on this effort. As for himself, he needs to rest!

Ariel says he wants to know things like, will Lety have the authority to hire new people. Humbo says he doesn't see a problem with her having to make adjustments to the executive board, for example, and "we" should respect those. Fernando picks this moment to tell Lety that he's already been fired, and the only reason he's still around was to get to this stage, so now that everything's ironed out, he's going to leave.

Lety looks shocked and unhappy.

Elsewhere in The D. F.

Aldo, who in my opinion was a little hotter when he had the beard but is still hot enough to blow up a planet with lightning bolts shooting out of his teeth, is sitting on a bench outside his rented home, with his laptop in front of him. He's supposed to be working on something, but instead he's remembering Lety telling him how she left Conceptos on bad terms, and wonders what she decided. He shakes his head to clear it (sort of like you do with an Etch-A-Sketch) and turns back to his laptop, but his phone rings.

He reaches for it excitedly, but it's one of the restaurant people. But that's exciting too. It sounds like they're ready to lay the floors. (I wonder if the Mundo de Fieras people are involved in the construction. They're in construction, right? I wonder what would happen if Juan Cristobal, Aldo, Fern, and Omar had a battle of the hotness. Who would win? I'll tell you who would win - US, the viewers!)

The phone rings again. It's Don Johnson, calling from a time machine 20 years ago. He wants his jacket back.

Back in the boardroom

Lety still looks shocked. Fern gets up from the table (blue tie today with thin white stripes; what kind of crap is that? Come back here after you find your clownfish tie). Omar detains him, but only so Fern can hear him say that the same goes for him; he's leaving now too.

Teresita says nope, they can't. They're shareholders, so they need to stick around and make themselves useful. (Oh really? Then why doesn't Ana-Leticia have to be there too? Never mind.) Ariel sarcastically praises Teresita for her maternal concern, but asks, for what company are their shares? Ter says what little is left of Conceptos, of course! (I don't think she caught the irony.)

Lety tells Fern and Omar that they are still shareholders and legal representatives of Conceptos, and if they or anyone else present ever needs any information or reports, she'll be happy to pass those along. Humberto agrees to this.

The next question is the matter of salary. Humbo suggests that she be paid the same salary as the previous president of Conceptos. Marcia does not approve! Lety says that her old salary was unfair, and Fernando was always conscious of that. (If so, why didn't he improve it?) Fern might be nodding slightly - I can't tell. Luigi is still hyperventilating.

Marcia tells her to take into account that the company is in crisis, and so are they. What is Ana Leticia going to live on? (Heh, ask me if I care!) Or Ariel? Or Humbo and Darth Ter?

Luigi timidly asks about his own salary.

The return of RoboPop

RoboPop is so wheezy lately I can barely understand him. Perhaps he burned his own throat with the lavalike hotness of his great singing voice. Martha, Sara, and Lola greet him warmly, and Sara whistles for the Bic Banana and tells her that Erasmo is here to see Humbo. Alicia says too bad, he's in a meeting. She can't interrupt him.

He breathlessly tells her that Humberto is waiting for him. (He is clutching a newspaper to his chest like a movie gangster concealing a gun.) Alicia complains that people are whistling at her like she's in a corral. Sara says that's okay, she'll go tell Humbo herself that Erasmo is here, like Humbo asked. Not wanting to be upstaged, Alicia says she'll do it, and asks his name again. (For the record, it's Erasmo Padilla Galarza.)

Again in the boardroom

Lety tells them that she put aside some money long ago to cover all their monthly allowances. Instead of being grateful or relieved, Ariel is annoyed that Fernando will now be getting payments even though he's the one who burned up the company. Fern says, well, it's all at the company's disposal. This includes any dividends. He doesn't want the company to have any more problems because of him. Omar unhappily agrees to the same thing.

(I don't think they've resolved the question of Lety's salary. Did I miss something?)

The giant canary bursts in and, with much self-congratulatory fanfare, introduces RoboPop. Fernando stands to greet him; Omar follows suit. No one else does. Humberto explains that Erasmo is Lety's father. "Obviously," Luigi mutters. Humbo sternly informs Luigi and everyone else that Erasmo is an accountant and did an excellent job with Filmo-Imagen's records. He invites Erasmo to sit next to him and shakes his hand. He reminds everyone that F-I kept Conceptos afloat, and now he wants Erasmo to be in charge of accounting for both F-I and Conceptos!

Lety's face registers faint surprise. Teresita whines that they're getting Lety's father too. Luigi says it's nepotism. (That's a brilliant observation to make in the boardroom of a family-owned business!) Humbo says Erasmo won't be working for his daughter - he'll be working for him, Humberto. He'll be reporting to him regularly on the companies' financial status. They - Humbo and Erasmo - have both had plenty of experience with the harmful actions of their offspring. That's not going to happen again, is it, Erasmo? RoboPop nods decisively.

In the Garden of Aldo

Aldo is finally concentrating on his work again. He is giving himself an impassioned speech about how the traditions of Mexican cuisine are as vast and profound as those of Asia - China, Japan, and Tibet. Those foods are all about ritual, and Mexican food is too. And the preparation of food is a ritual as well.

He begins typing again, but his phone rings. It's Jeff Smith, the Frugal Gourmet, calling from the grave. He wants credit for his musings on food=ritual. So does Charles Dickens, for that matter. (And I bet Dickens wasn't the first to write about that, either.)

Actually, no, it's his restaurant pal Guillermo, whose hotness is so intense that he probably needs to wrap his phone in asbestos. Aldo tells him that he's working on that idea about Mexican cuisine for the world, and agrees to meet with him that evening.

In the boardroom

RoboPop makes a slow, wheezy speech thanking Humbo for his trust and promising to report on any suspicious financial activity. (Luigi makes faces.) Humbo says he's going home now and wishes them luck. He says okay Lety, I'm leaving it all in your hands and I'm sure it will be fine. She thanks him. Humbo then asks Lopez to write up a memo informing all the employees of the change. (Fortunately, he doesn't tell Lopez to make everyone read Who Moved My Cheese.)

He leaves the room. Lety gets up and tells them she'll have her meeting with the judge at 9, after which they'll all meet and talk about the new plan. She wants it to begin as soon and as fast as possible. She says they can count on her, and she hopes she can count on them. "Ánimo," Luigi cheers sarcastically. RoboPop gets up to follow and assures them all that his daughter's work will be impeccable. The two of them leave the boardroom.

Luigi struggles to process all that he's just observed. Tomorrow, he's going to have to take orders from "that thing"? Hello? He'll quit. Marcia tells him no, he's not going to quit.

Lopez wants to know when should he inform the employees, and when should Lety get her new office. Marcia says tomorrow. Lopez asks if "la licenciada Padilla" should get Fern's old office. (Luigi gasps; Fern smirks.) Luigi says they should just put her back in her old cave, since that's already been contaminated. If they put her in the good office, they'll have to quarantine people and get them innoculations. And something about a smell...

Fern hops out of his chair and tells Luigi to stop being ridiculous. The president gets the president's office. So Lety will get the seat that he occupied; that his father occupied; and others (everyone stares at Ariel) wished to, but couldn't occupy.

Ariel whines, but Marcia says the president gets the president's office. Teresita vehemently disagrees that Lety should be so rewarded. Luigi says something about not wanting to be the platypus's secretary, and amused Fern says he'll probably only have to fetch her coffee once in a while.

In the executive lobby

Fresh out of the boardroom, Lety and her father say how surprised they were when Humberto asked Erasmo to work for him. (Seeing Lety, Martha and Lola get on the phone to assemble the cuartel.) She asks, sounding a little worried I think, if he'll be coming to the office every day. He says only when necessary, but he'd like to see where he's going to be working when he's there. She says no, she doesn't even have her own office yet. He doesn't understand why they can't get started right away.

Led by the cuartel, Sara tries to stop Lety from leaving. They beg her to stay and talk, but Lety wants to wait till tomorrow. They pelt her with affection and questions, scolding her gently for leaving so abruptly without warning or explanation. Alicia tells them all to get back to work, but Roller Derby Sara tells her they were talking to Lety and her father, not her, the waitress of Conceptos. (Can canaries be waitresses? I don't think they can.)

Trying to prevent a brawl, Lety says she's going to leave. Alicia says she can't deny that she's delighted to hear it, but she would have liked even better if Lety had said she was never ever coming back again, that mustached corncake.

RoboPop comes forward and says "listen to me, you faded old woman (vieja desteñida)" - this shocks and thrills the cuartel - "I'm telling you to respect my daughter." They applaud him vigorously. Alicia snidely says that Lety is the one who should respect Conceptos and her. "You know very well what I'm talking about," she insinuates. (Hmm, could she be talking about the way she slept with Lety's "boyfriend," but didn't get the half-million pesos she was expecting in return? Heh heh.)

RoboPop steps toward her, but Sara intervenes. "Let me," she requests. "Listen, airhead, and you better, because I'll make you swallow your tongue."

"You can't talk to me that way either," Alicia hisses. (I didn't know canaries could hiss.)

"I'll talk to you however I want to."

Lopez demands to know what is going on. Alicia says that Sara is threatening her. Sara says it's because Alicia is harassing Lety and her father.

To everyone's surprise, Lopez tells Alicia to behave herself with "licenciada Padilla." He adds that it's no way to treat... YOUR BOSS.

Everyone looks confused. "What are you talking about, Lopez?" Alicia asks.

Lopez paces the floor like... like... sort of like a runway model, I guess. No, maybe he's trying to look like an airplane. I can't figure it out. I've never seen a housefly walk that way. Anyway, he says he's been asked to spread the word that the illustrious and highly qualified licenciada Leticia Padilla Solis is the new president of Conceptos.

The cuartel applauds wildly. Alicia is impactada. Chaos ensues.

Aldo scene #3

We get a long shot of Aldo's rented home. It's ridiculously huge. Aldo is on the phone again, this time in the garden. I am trying, without success, to get a good luck at the emblem on Aldo's jacket. Can anyone tell what it is?

He's asking Carolina if she's heard from Lety. (Aldo, this would be a good time to ask for Lety's phone number!) He asks her to let him know if she hears anything. He tells her that the reason he called was to confirm their plans with Gillermo tonight.

It's good that we got these three scenes to keep up-to-date with what Aldo does in his spare time. Some people will argue that it's better than the way Fern spent his time, boozing it up and moaning about Lety. Others will argue that it's a feeble attempt to make him look appealing when he's just an unwelcome, non-Fernando interloper. Me, I'm okay with these scenes as long as I can make merciless fun of them.

The phone rings again. It's David Spade. He wants his phone call joke back.

Okay, back to the chaos; and, Lety is claimed again

Alicia asks Lopez to confirm that it's not true. He shouldn't joke with her about such a serious thing. He confirms that Señora (RoboPop corrects him: Señorita!) Padilla is the new president. He also informs "Señora Ferreira" that she is no longer Humberto's secretary.

"Lopez, please," Lety protests, but Lopez is on a roll. He tells Alicia she now reports to "the highly qualified and esteemed lic. Padilla. Right here."

Alicia is impactada all over again. Oh, the humanity!

Irma asks, "my Lety, is this true?" Lety reluctantly confirms that it is. Everyone cheers except Alicia, who rushes into the boardroom in tears. Irma excitedly tells "her Lety" it's like going from water to chocolate (or something like that); one day she leaves and then another day she comes back and she's president. They are all curious to hear the story of how this happened, but Lety says she can't tell them anything now. She promises to tell them everything... but won't say when.

In the boardroom, everyone is talking at once, except Marcia, who is sulking. Ter tells them all to hush; they hear the ruckus outside and wonder what it is. (Duh.) The Bic Banana asks about "this joke from Lopez." (Fern is quietly laughing in the corner.) Marcia says yep, it's true. Alicia asks if it's the Day of the Innocents (it's like April Fool's, but it's on Dec. 28 and commemorates King Herod's slaughter of the infants in Judea; this episode originally aired in Mexico in October, so there's no reason Alicia should be confused, especially if she's ever looked in her datebook that's full of dates.) She is convinced that they're all making fun of her.

Marcia tells her again that Lety is the new president of Conceptos. Alicia thinks it must be a dream, or a nightmare. She asks Luigi for a pinch; he obliges enthusiastically. She screams, but doesn't wake up. She asks how much power Lety has. (Fern's laughter has become audible.)

"All of it," Marcia shouts at her. "All you can imagine." "More than you?" Alicia asks, distraught. Marcia confirms this too and Omar shrugs.

"It can't be," Alicia moans. "That woman is going to run me off. Marcia, don't say that I will be her secretary because she will end up kicking me out of here. You can't leave me in her hands. I insulted her father out there."

Marcia tells her that tomorrow there will be a meeting, and Lety will decide who stays.

Al and Luigi huddle together like Want and Ignorance, those two allegorical kids who hid underneath the Ghost of Christmas Present's cloak. Fern waves at them happily. (I think he's waving good-bye!)

---

Next week
Marcia informs Lety that she and Fern have renewed their relationship. Then she gives Lety a "what do you say to THAT, eh?" look.

Let's just see how the shareholders of Conceptos do, now that the chunky, sensible shoe is on the other foot.

Labels: fea