Caray, Caray!

(Apologies for the late posting.


Today’s capítulo begins with a replay of the scene in Pilar’s hospital room. She’s had a comb-out, retouched her make-up, and looks ready to hop out of bed, throw on something skimpy, and dance the night away in a pricey little antro. Bueno, Pilar rehashes her latest evil scheme and swears Kique to secrecy. Larry is out in the hall, listening at the door. The consummate actor, he delays his entrance until she says, “Larry will never know that Gaby is innocent!” Kique denies any involvement and high-tails it when Larry threatens to break his face. Once they’re alone, Larry confronts while Pilar lies and denies. He calls her “basura” and tells her that he wants her out of his life forever.

Out in the hall, Kique runs into Sandy and warns her that now might not be the best time to visit Pilar. Larry’s in there, he knows everything, and he’s a fiera. Sandy is glad to hear it. Kique raises his eyebrows as the String Quartet of Doom strikes an ominous chord. He thought she and Pilar were friends. Sandy’s no longer sure about that. Pili’s gone too far with this lie. Gaby deserves happiness, more than Kique or Pilar do. Close-up of Our Evil Studmuffin, unsure if he should be impactado.

At Casa Naco, Paola is pacing the living room like a caged fiera. She’s got a mean case of the Dopehead Blues. She sits down on the couch and calls Andrés. On the end table is a framed photo of Pancholón, arms folded, smirking at the camera as if to say, “I’m the hottest macho that ever swung cojones.” Cut to Andrés, in Mother Superior’s office. He tells Peyola that he can’t sell her any wacky dust today, he’s out of town. Tomorrow. He goes on to suggest that she could pay with something other than cash. After all, it’s not like she’s legally married, and she wouldn’t be calling him if Pancho really made her happy. Paola gets up indignantly and replies that she’s only interested in the wacky dust. “Maybe you’ll change your mind tomorrow,” he says with a leer. She hangs up on him and paces, uncertain how else to score. I’ll bet Kique has a connection, but this does not occur to our simple-minded fierita. She sits back down on the couch and huddles in a fetal position. Lala would not be happy if her sofa cushions were punctured by the four-inch spike heels on Peyola’s ankle-strap sandals. Cue Maudlin Flute Ensemble. It’s all Pancho’s fault. Why does he love Caramelo better than her? Why doesn’t he divorce her? Why can’t he be hers alone?

Over at Perfumes Gaviota, Emilio tries to placate Max, who is fuming over Alvaro, saying he should have fired that loser when he had the chance. Gaby is about to enter, but she hears Diana’s name and stops at the door. She gets the scoop on Alvaro’s real intentions towards la Señora Presidenta. This comes as a big surprise to Little Doormat, despite the fact that three-quarters of the men on this show have wanted to bed Our Heroine at one time or another. En fin, Max thinks it would be an excellent idea to call Diego to clue him in and Gaby decides to nip that idea in the bud. She bursts into the office crying out, “Don’t you dare!” Diana’s having enough problems with Diego, thanks to Max and that photo of the infamous makeout session. (Little Doormat just fails to appreciate how sublimely ridiculous tele-suerte can be.) She gives the boys a lecture on office etiquette. They should stop gossiping and get back to work. Exit la Señora Vicepresidenta. Max and Emilio try to look suitably chastised.

Meanwhile, Alvaro and Diana are having a nice lunch at a beachfront restaurant. As predicted by Our Hero, Alvaro is making the moves on Diana, who fends him off with her gauche, la-de-da impression of a Lady of Quality. She didn’t accept his lunch invitation to discuss her private life. If he and Max don’t stop fighting, she’ll have to fire one of them. Alvaro’s not taking her act seriously. Diana sternly warns him not to fall in love with her. She is, after all, a Married Woman. He’s not put off by her schoolgirl airs and graces. He’s willing to bide his time.

Meanwhile, Gaby is cracking the executive whip in Diana’s absence. She enters Max’s office to ask if he’s signed the orders yet. Ever the professional, Our Hero responds with a question of his own: “Has Diana returned from lunch with that cretino Alvaro Ferrer?” “No.” Close-up of Max rubbing his forehead.

Back at the hospital, Pilar tearfully tries to convince Lunkhead that he just misunderstood. He can ask Sandy if he wants. “I was an idiot to believe your lies” / “I’m not lying, it’s the truth.” We’ve all heard this argument before, although Larry gives it a twist by crediting God with his fortuitous discovery of Pilar’s latest intrigue. Pilar keeps going. She seems to think if she keeps accusing Gaby long enough, Larry will eventually cave. Instead he tells her that she’s basura. Enter Sandy. Pilar frantically begs Sandy to tell Larry the truth. “Nuestra verdad,” she says loudly and emphatically. Sandy lets her down by telling Lunkhead what really happened. Larry is impactado. If looks could kill, Pilar’s fiera glare would have Sandy leaving the room in a body-bag.

We return to Perfumes R Us. Little Doormat hands a batch of invoices to Beatriz, telling her to review them, enter them into the computer, and file the originals. Our Secretary-Spy takes the folder and inexplicably heads for the elevator being vacated by Diana and Alvaro. They part amicably and Gaby hurries over to Diana to get the scoop. There is none, Our Heroine declares. She is a Married Woman. It was a business lunch. Gaby is worried that Max will get jealous and try to take away Maxito. “Let him try,” is Our Heroine’s defiant response.

Inside her office, Diana gets down to business. She is rummaging through her little handbag when Max enters. He wants to know how lunch with that imbécil Alvaro was. Our Heroine puts on a fresh coat of lipstick, aiming for smart, sophisticated nonchalance as she tells Max what a swell guy Alvaro is. Max forces her to abandon that silly pose as he grills her about her indiscreet behavior. Again she plays the Married Woman card. “Exactly,” counters Max. “Diego doesn’t deserve this.” Diana can’t believe she just heard that and for a moment I can’t, either. Then Max asks if Alvaro kissed her. Because if he did, Max will break his face. Close-up of Diana, impactada. Commercial.

We are outside. In the foreground, a silver crucifix dangles from a rosary. In the background, a snowy white statue of the Virgin. Cue Orchestra of Doom. Dissolve to Bruna, sobbing and praying behind a lovely arrangement of white roses. She performs an eloquent hand ballet with her rosary, covering her face at the end. She holds that pose for a moment, then grips the iron railing before her and raises herself up. Eyes shifting dementedly from side to side, Bruna says she must tell the truth about her daughters, all of it, so that the Virgin will forgive her. She sinks down again. Dissolve back to the statue, looking down serenely, hands folded in prayer. Dissolve to Bruna, who gets to her feet again. “The guilt is driving me crazy!” she cries. “I’m going crazy!” She repeats this three more times, matching the Orchestra of Doom’s rising hysteria, then snatches up her purse and runs off as if pursued by the Furies. Pobre de Bruna.

Back in Diana’s office, Max continues the interrogation. He tells Diana that if she has an affair with Alvaro, he will use it against her to gain sole custody. She questions his chances of winning, considering what kind of family the Irascibles are. Since this is a dull exchange, let’s just ignore them for a moment and break that statement down. With los Irazabal, Mini Maxi gets a bankrupt, homeless father; an unhinged, sociopathic stepmother; a drugged-out aunt; a criminal “uncle”; and a homicidal grandmother. With the Garcés-Soriano-Suárez clan, he gets a dim-witted mother; an insanely jealous stepfather; a dim-witted aunt; a criminal uncle; and an alcoholic grandmother. No, either way the poor kid is screwed. En fin, Max declares his intention of divorcing Marfil. More bickering. Our Hero then tells Diana that the girl he loved was just a mirage. The Nueva Diana can have all the flings she wants, with anyone in the fábrica. At this point he’s just inside his office, and the doors close on him. “I hate him!” Diana says. “But I also love him.” Close-up of Our Heroine, confundida.

Over at Emilio’s, Yolanda is sitting on the couch in that fugly brown dress with pale turquoise trim. I’d really like to know just what the hell Ofelia Cano did to offend Grisel Torres, the fanciful but economy-minded fahionista who dresses the cast. Bueno, Yolanda is flashing back to the kiss on the beach. Why did René kiss her? He could be her son. But it was sweet madness. Her reverie is cut short by a phone call from Max. He wants to speak to Marfil. Yolanda calls Our Little Blonde Weasel, who comes prancing out of the bedroom. She’s perky and lovey-dovey when she takes the phone from Yolanda, but Max quickly bursts her little bubble. Cue String Quartet of Doom. He wants her to move out. Now. Close-up of Debora, impactada, moving her eyes from side to side. She gulps. Close-up of Max, sternly telling her he doesn’t want to see her when he gets home. Close-up of Debora, impactada, moving her eyes from side to side.

Time to check in with Larry. Sandy repeats that Gaby is innocent and Pilar tells her not to lie. Our Airhead Adonis is still in fiera mode. He turns on Pilar and says she no longer has a chance with him. She has no scruples, he doesn’t want to see or hear her, etc. He’s off to beg Gaby’s forgiveness. Pilar becomes hysterical, but her tears fail to detain him. Close-up of Pilar, weeping; the door shuts; the sob turns into a snarl of rage and she begins shrieking at Sandy the traitor. Sandy apologizes, but Our Scheming Sex Kitten isn’t having any. She throws her pillows at Sandy, screaming at her to get out. Alone, pillows gone, she stops, panting, sweating, hair hanging in her face. She’s gone from fiera to she-demon. “I can’t lose Larry! I won’t lose him!”

We return to Emilio’s. Debora’s in Chihuahua-on-crack mode. She still hasn’t figured out that this never gets her the desired results. It doesn’t work this time, either. Max explains that no judge will give him custody as long as he’s saddled with a violent, hysterical wife, so she’s got to go. Debora vows to make him pay. She’ll never let him be happy with Diana. She hangs up, refuses to answer Yolanda’s questions, grabs her purse, and storms out.

Back at Perfumes R Us, las hermanas Soriano are in Diana’s office. La Señora Presidenta is having second thoughts about her decision to hire Max. Ever the shrewd and prescient observer of human behavior, Little Doormat says she knew that lunch with Alvaro would have consequences. They quibble about our star-crossed lovers’ tortured relationship. Diana concludes that Max is a cretin. Gaby agrees, but he’s a cretin Diana loves madly. Our Heroine has no answer to that. Close-up of Diana, sulking.

Meanwhile, right next door, Max is at his desk, poking himself in the forehead with a pen. Maybe this is his way of trying to stimulate an idea. Enter Emilio. Max rehashes his phone call. Menacing chords from the Orchestra of Doom as Emilio warns Max to watch out for Marfil. She’s capable of anything. Close-up of Max, distracted.

From there we go to Dr. Evil’s Lair. Someone’s at the door. With Andrés gone, Ignacio has to open the door himself. And what do you know, it’s Debora. She starts right in to crabbing about her latest problem. Dr. Evil is perfectly willing to put her up, but she’ll have to share his bed and tolerate Camila and Silvia. Debora’s not feelin’ it. She taps her little foot, waiting for a better offer. Iggy tries again. He’ll kick the girls out, but in return…She vigorously rebuffs his advances, then fusses and whines about Max going back to Diana. If “Marfil” can’t have him, nobody can. Okay, fine. Dr. Evil will help. After all, what’s one more crime on his rap sheet? He’ll give her something that will destroy Maximiliano’s life forever. Debora smiles. Commercial.

Back in Diana’s office, the girls are still jawing on about Our Heroine’s love-hate relationship with Max. After a while Gaby asks if they can’t work it out somehow. Of course not; Max doubted her innocence, blah, blah, blah. (Get over it already!) Anyway, Little Doormat reminds her that Max is the father of her child. Diana replies that Diego is the only father her child has. Pobre de Maxito.

Cut to reception where Larry gets off the elevator. We get a few bars of “Acorralada” before Gaby appears and asks what he’s doing there. Cue Gaby-Larry theme song. Lunkhead rattles off his apology, but Little Doormat isn’t interested. She has work to do. She starts to walk away, but Larry stops her. He begs her to listen. Close-up of Gaby, sighing.

Time to see what Debora and Dr. Evil are up to. He saunters over to Our Little Blonde Weasel holding up a travel shampoo bottle of lemon-yellow liquid. If she throws this in Maximiliano’s eyes, he will never be happy again. Close-up of Debora, clueless as to what’s actually in the bottle, but digging the sales pitch. A splash of this will avenge her. She takes the bottle, thinking “This is so totally freakin’ cool!”

Back at Perfumes Gaviota, we see Max at his desk. He’s finally signing those orders Gaby asked him about. Enter Diana, asking for those very orders. He gives them to her, grabs her hand, and tries to make her admit that when she’s near him she goes all a-tremble. Cue theme song. She denies it, pulls her hand free, and turns her back. Instead of leaving, she sits on the edge of his desk. He tells her that she makes him nervous. She suggests they seal the communicating doors between their offices and conduct all future business by phone. Max disagrees. He comes around the desk and suggests, at some length, that they knock down the wall, wipe away all the rancor between them with a kiss. Diana stares blankly at him, occasionally blinking her eyes, then asks if he really believes his kisses have that much power. “Let’s try it.” Diana continues to stare blankly at him until commercial.

We return to Paco’s love-nest, where everyone’s favorite víbora, Lady O, is grumbling that she’s bored. All her prestigious, high-society friends have turned their backs on her. Not that she wouldn’t have done the same had this happened to one of them, but still. “I must be reborn like the phoenix. I must rise from the ashes.” Again, a great opportunity for an over-the-top, melodramatic gesture wasted. Bruna enters, still weeping. “My daughter doesn’t love me,” she moans. “She hates me.” How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child, etc. Cue Orchestra of Doom. Octavia stares uncomprehendingly as Bruna shifts into madwoman mode. Speaking in a hoarse whisper, her black-ringed eyes darting about, she says her daughter is evil. She’s going to have to tell the whole truth about Marfil and Debora. What truth? And who’s Debora? Bruna sinks down to the couch in tears. She reverts back to her usual voice and repeats that her daughter doesn’t love her, Debora is evil, etc., etc. Lady Octopus is oddly agitated by all this. Bruna recovers herself and claims not to know who Debora is. She’s upset, confused. She’s going to her room. She grabs her purse and keys and hurries away. Octavia stares after her. “What’s wrong with Bruna? Could she be going crazy?” If Octavia’s face had any mobility left, she would have looked impactada.

Over at the fábrica, Larry and Gaby are having the “Please forgive me” / “Never” conversation. Little Doormat ends it by telling Lunkhead to forgive Pilar yet again and go back to her. Close-up of Larry, completely out of ideas.

Cut to Max and Diana. More blather about his super-besos. He moves in to plant one on her, but she pulls away. He may enjoy this game, but she thinks it’s “sumamente estúpido.” Exit Diana.

Meanwhile, Debora has returned to Emilio’s. She calls Max and says she’d like to have one last chat before she leaves. Max unquestioningly gets his keys and leaves the office. Cut to Debora, who waves her bottle says that Max will never be happy with her, Diana, or anyone else when she gets through with him. Close-up of the sinister bottle of liquid, followed by a close-up of Debora with a smug, evil little smile. Commercial.

We return to the reception area of the fábrica, where Alvaro is conducting some legitimate business with Beatriz. Max approaches and confronts Alvaro, warning him off Diana. Alvaro responds with “You’re not the boss of me.” Beatriz watches and listens, no doubt taking mental notes for her daily call to Octavia. After Max leaves, she tells Alvaro that they’re both wasting their time. Diana is a Married Woman. Besides, she will never leave her invalid husband. Exit Beatriz. Close-up of Alvaro as he tells us it would interesting if Diego were to find out that Max was working at the fábrica.

Hablando del rey de Roma, the Suárez brothers are out behind the villa, having a clandestine physical therapy session. Once again Pancho wants to tell Mamá, but Diego nixes that idea. Lala will tell Diana, who will divorce him, and then he’ll no longer be a millstone around her neck. His only remaining ambition is to make Diana’s life miserable. The phone rings. It’s Alvaro. He tells Diego that Our Heroine has given Max a job at Perfumes R Us. Diego sputters in disbelief.

Back at Emilio’s, Yolanda is sitting on the couch, sipping an espresso and thinking of René. Enter Max. He asks where Marfil is. Cut to the bedroom, where Debora gleefully pours the evil yellow mystery fluid into a bowl. Cut back to Max, who tells Yolanda what’s going on. He then goes into the bedroom. So, does Debora want money or what? He has to get back to work. She’s toying with him. She tells him he’ll never see Diana again. Max isn’t following this. What does she mean? “What do I mean?” She looks up, taps her upper lip with her index finger and turns away. She sashays over to the nightstand, mockingly repeating “What do I mean?” three or four times. She picks up the bowl, whirls around, and throws the mystery fluid in Max’s face. Our Hero covers his eyes and howls with pain. Debora watches, laughing with satanic glee as Max falls back against the dresser, screaming “My eyes! My eyes!” “No one makes a fool out of me!” says Our Little Blonde Weasel as she grabs her suitcase. She makes it as far as the living room, where Yolanda demands to know what’s going on, why is Maxi yelping like that, what did Marfil do to him? She threatens to call the police, but Debora slaps her down and bolts out of the apartment. Yolanda gets up and runs into the bedroom, where Max is still thrashing around and screaming. Rather than call 911, she tries to find out what happened. Max is not very forthcoming. He cries out, “My eyes are burning!” several times and finally Yolanda runs for the phone.

Roll credits

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