Caray, Caray!

We open with the dance of "The Crazed Machetes". Gavi looks all fetching in her fluffy designer, native costume (this is like the Ralph Lauren Prairie collection), what natives would wear if they could just sit around looking native instead of waiting on rich folks or cutting Agave. Rod strips off his jacket and ties his shirt at his waist, he too is looking natively fashionable, though I am not sure Ralph would have tied one of his oxfords at the waist. The dance begins..intricate foot steps and much clinking of metal. Now lets give these two a chance to catch their breaths and transport over to Mexico DF.

Aaron is trying to win Minnie over, she pulls back from his every embrace, he swoops in for a kiss and the lips never meet. During this whole scene that old song by MeatLoaf, "Paradise by the DashBoard Lights",
Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further--!
Minnie says kick Pamela out of the house in Miami, Aaron is like okay. Now Minnie plays her trump card. Aaron must tell the papers that the whole marriage thing with Pammy was joke. Ahhh the face of Muy Impacted. (If I was there I would have thumped him on the back to dislodge that fur ball)…

Funny you should mention Pammy cause next we see her looking at the computer and talking about her fine wedding. She is talking in a very child like manner, it will be all sunshine and lollipops as soon as Aaron returns on the following day. Ma & Pa are there. Pa still is not happy about Pammy and Aaron. He thinks Pammy is just headed for heartache. Oh here comes the servant with a big box. My dress, my dress Pammy shouts with glee. She takes the lid off and pulls out a Wedding Dress, she whirls around just in time to miss the "Giant Anvil of Foreboding". Is it me or is that a Luigi Lombardi design? Well we all know were that is going…I am totally having a "Marcia Flashback"…nuff said.

Back to Minnie & Aaron, he is like are your kidding? What are your conditions? Well Minnie says she has to keep tabs on Aaron 24-7, (she has been watching Dr. Phil) & the ultimate deal maker/breaker is that he has to announce that it was a joke..

Back to Miami..Pa says before Aaron & Pam marry she has to be honest with Aaron and tell him about her "Medical Condition", which leaves we the viewers imagining all kinds of crazy things, ummm probably not restless leg syndrome. Pa says Aaron has a right to know that in times of crisis, Pam has to take medication. Well I think the HMO anvil has dropped and I hope they have the number of a 24 hour pharmacy cause I’m seeing a crisis on the horizon.

Back to our dancing with tards…sorry dancing with the stars…
For those of you unfortunate enough not to catch the intimate steps….
Clunk clunk, clink clink clink…meaningful look, meaningful look, Clunk clunk, clink clink clink…meaningful look, meaningful look..
Rod leans in with a Te Amo, Gavi staggers..he knocks the machete from her hand, she is down…Rod reaches down and pulls her up. Ewwwww the tension there is a huge crowd in the plaza..mothers are covering the wee ones eyes. They are this close to hawt hate sex.

We cut to commercial leaving me to wonder if people in the plaza were on their feet shouting "Get a Room".

Nope when we come back…the Revolution is over, Gavi says "My bad, you actually have awesome jobs and make quite decent wages, swing low sweet chariot". Rod tries to talk to Gavi, but she doesn’t want to. Clarita still thinking about the 52 inch plasma television that may be in her future, tells Gavi to talk to Rod. At least hear him out.

Rod and Gavi are sitting out in front, Rod just stares at Gavi and tells her how beautiful she is. He wants to go inside & drink some Tequila and talk. **a kid I work with says Tequila makes people take their clothes off and I am thinking Rod may have the same thought** Gavi says No that they can talk right here. Gavi spots the photographer who took her pictures and sent her off to a "Whore House" in France, back when we were all so much younger, so much more trusting & naïve. Rod is like what are you staring at. She tells him. The creepy photographer is talking to two young girls (by young I mean they could be Gavi and Rod’s grandkids), Gavi and Rod run up and start tag teaming the photographer, the police come and he is hauled off for an investigation.

Now we go back to Mexico DF, where Sofie has just brought her new husband to the home of Granny Pilar. Seems they will reside there until they leave for their new life in Japan. Thankfully Granny is actually a Zombie and will be able to wait Frankie out. Granny is ordering one of the slaves…ooops I mean dedicated servants to set up the room and bathroom for Frankie and Sofie. Dani comes in and listens with some awesome eye rolling to Frankie yammer on about how the bathroom must have bath salts etc..Frankie leaves and Dani and Sofie get into it. After Dani leaves, Granny Pilar who has not blinked or actually moved through this entire scene, does a "What’s Up with Dani?". Sofie says Dani is just jealous.
Sofie is just the Mexican Jan Brady, that’s right Dani is so envious of your match made in heaven. Pilar says some things about Elvis, and my closed captions go crazy. I think it is more racial slurs. Damn you just seriously know Pilar is gonna get an awesome comeuppance before this TeleNovela ends. Please God let Gavi inherit the whole thing.

Roman sees Rod & Gavi on the street and embraces Gavi, she is very happy to see him. Rod tells Roman that the workers will return to work tomorrow. The strike is over. Just typing that made my liver do the happy dance…yes this little tale has re-introduced me to Tequila. Gavi asks Rod about Hil. Rod gets this look like Who? Finally he says Hil left a few months ago.
Wow now we see Hil, coincidence? I don’t think so. He is working at a garage. So young hottie pulls in driving a Mercedes, she has some big meeting and she can’t be late. Hil is all gosh ma’am he jacks the car up and goes to work on her muffler. The businesswoman is strictly Manhattan, she is talking on the cell phone the whole time. She says something about casting for models will be manana , then she takes a look at our young farm boy. She gives him a business card and tells him if he wants to change his life, to give her a call. The card says she Creative Director. Oh young Hil, I hope this isn’t porn flicks.

Meanwhile over at the Big Hacienda, Ofelia is working in the kitchen with the Nasty Lil SannaWanna…they get into a verbal exchange and Sanna tells her that Hil was enamored with Isa..No No it can't be. Poor Ofelia.

Isa is having a sit down with the parents.
Que the Hell is up with those maternity clothes? Seriously she wears them and every one just acts like that is really normal. I bet filming those scenes is really hard, you know everyone just cracks up during them. I feel sorry for the actress playing the part, between the extensions in the hair and the wardrobe. Anyway Isa is telling her rents that she wants out of the marriage (no doubt it is seriously curbing her dating), anyway Pa is like not so fast little grandchild bearing missy. Pa takes off to call the lawyer (you know he is calling Vinnie in Jersey to put down some on the ponies), but Ma takes this time to talk to her daughter about men and life and stuff like that. I think I saw this on Lifetime. Fedra accuses Isa of loving Frankie. Damn you, feeling emotion for the father of your child? I raised you better than that. She accuses Isa of being all-emotional over the wedding of Sofie and Frankie. Isa confesses she told Frankie he was the Padre to the belly bump, (which she continues to rub non-stop), she tells her mother, he thought the kid belonged to Rod. She says basically screw both Rod and Frankie, she doesn’t need either of them cause the kid is a boy. Ma Evil is all happy a VARON. Yep and Rod is gonna be paying for this the rest of his life.

Back over to Tequila..Rod and Gavi are now in "Carmelo’s House of Fine Tequilas", dobles all round. Rod just stares at Gavi, you can see that he would sit there forever if he could. Gavi not so much. She brings up the pregnancy. Gavi goes on and on, about how many times he has betrayed her. Gavi speaks of how when they were supposed to marry he married Isa and how she had to watch "Isa and Rod kiss for their first anniversary", how at the island he told her that she and Clarita were gonna live on the island with him, how she was the only woman in his life, she was his one and only. ***Like that was a good thing? Oh I guess I am betraying my coming of age in the late seventies…not to mention the awesome eighties***. Rod says you were my first and only. Always the naysayer; Gavi is like "She is pregnant, tell me about it stud". Rod is like a fourteen year old blurting out "Yeah, well ar·ti·fi·cial in·semi·nation." The look of muy impacted.
Rod lets her know that previously when he thought there was no hope for he and Gavi, he went to the doctor and gave a sperm sample, once he thought Gavi was in his life, he told Isa no deal. Isa became pregnant with out his knowledge. Rod had no intention of returning to Isa, but well since he thought there was no future with he and Gavi…and since Isa showed up at the hacienda pregnant. Well what’s a boy to do?

Hello, Gavi and I are both seeing a pattern here, "Since I thought you were a whore in France, well I married the first warm body, well since I thought you and I had no future, I gave a JizzWhiz sample (seriously I was thinking of you the whole time), then since I thought you were boinking my cousin, I decided to reconcile with Isa. Now we’d jump light years ahead if Rod could see the pattern.

Rod confesses he has no feeling for the child, it seems like belongs to other people. Good call Rod. It does.
Gavi is all mature about the whole thing. She says well Isa loved you enough that she got jizzed and now there is a lil blockhead on the way. Rod is crying, Gavi is like it was a beautiful dream, but now you must put us aside and be a father, the baby is the most important thing. Rod is all, "you are my best friend you have been with me through the most important times of my life", seriously viewers is he referring to the few times he has actually performed? Methinks so. Gavi salutes him and says they must say goodbye.
"We'll always have Tequila. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Tequila."
***I hang my head in shame cause this actually did cause me to have a fleeting moment of emotion that well wasn’t scorn and ridicule, well that and the shameless CasaBlanca ripoff I did***

Back to DF, Pa comes out of the room where he was on the phone talking to the lawyer. The lawyer said, Isa is gonna have to suck it up and shut up for a few months at least cause a divorce will lead to Rod calling in the loan he made Pa. Pa is in no position to pay it back.

Now over to the crypt, sorry Granny Pilar’s, Sofie is instructing Frankie which drawers are his and where the underwear go. Gawd Frankie, maybe you really don’t deserve this. Sofie is all pinched faced, "Are you listening to me." Ah, my little flower I must go and talk to Granny, I loved the tour of the ranch, but tonite, we will be together. Sofie is all blushing. Frankie goes off to weasel the deal.

A leadin for the ranch, where Roman is telling Ofelia he saw Rod and Gavi together and they will always be together. Ofelia says is it true that Hil was enamored with Isa? Alas it is true Roman answers.

Back to Rod and Gavi, they are sitting together on a bench. Rod says it is the work of the land that keeps him going, but every street, every turn reminds him of her, he take hand and as two old friends they walk off together…..

I must say this was a most excellent episode…now then tomorrow..

We see someone in a Red nightie..walking around a bed with a big feather tracing from the top of a pair of boxers up the chest to the…..someone is tied to the bed….IT IS AARON…this guarantees some wicked laughter..
We then see Isa…yes more laughter, wearing belly showing pjs..she is trying to track Rod down via telephone..
Oh good times..good times..

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