Caray, Caray!

Mommy attends the mass for Bernardo and Libia but she doesn't like it. "Neither of them deserves my devotion." Furd, who killed both of them, looks bored. Everybody lines up to take communion. Father Bouffy really doesn't want to give Furd a wafer but Furd snarls, "You can't deny me, I confessed, Amen." He gets a wafer. Mommy gives a reluctant "thank you" for Bernardo's mass, Father Bouffy reminds her it was for Libia too, she scowls. How much longer can this priest last? Mommy tells the Padre she's taking his advice (to stop encarcerating her daughters in the hacienda) in her own fashion - she will have a party and invite selected young men from proper families.

Oscar reviews the girl-conquering advice he's gotten, muttering to himself, "Be charming and affectionate, be gallant, give her flowers..." as he steals roses from the hacienda garden. "She'll love this!" he exclaims. He sneaks into the hacienda all hairy and unshaven in his undershirt carrying a huge bunch of flowers all perfectly cut off to the exact same length and wrapped in a perfect cylindrical bundle. He leaves the petals on Jimena's bed.

Meanwhile, down at the Lego-Land construction site Juan is mad at Franco for mooning over Rosario. (They are building this cabana on a pristine styrofoam foundation.) "Why don't you sing and tell jokes like you used to?" "I'm like this because I love Rosario and I can't have her, I'd be better off dead." [This script is so, so bad. --Ed.] "Let her go, forget her, they almost killed you," Juan helpfully restates. "I can't forget her, I can't forget her," Franco says and a few tears spill from his anguished eyeballs.

There are not enough words in the English language for "says the same thing over again." In order to recap this novela gracefully, I demand at least a dozen synonyms for "says the same thing over again."

At the Bad Love Bar, Rosario is rehearsing but her heart's not in it, she needs a rest. "Furd has demanded a change in the act," she is reminded. "I'm tired of him, I can't breathe, I keep thinking of Franco." "Forget him." "I can't forget him, I can't forget him."

Furd asks Father Bouffy: "Why did you deny me communion?" "How can you mock the sacraments?" A repeat of a previous conversation, plus a curse: "Furd, you will never know love, you will be alone all your days, that's your punishment. Sofia will never love you." Furd starts to kill him but Mommy's cheerful, shrill summons is heard - it's time to go home. Father Bouffy survives at least this episode.

Sarita sighs over her book-and-rose. [Why doesn't she need glasses any more? Don't tell me she got contact lenses without ever leaving the hacienda?] Jimena is delighted by Oscar's rose petals and falls on them, pouring them all over her body. Jimena tells Sarita she isn't going to pardon Oscar easily. "See, you don't know men. I'll be hard with him, I'll teach him to love me the way I want to be loved."

Oscar mixes cement, chortling: "I think Jimena loves me."

Mommy tells Eva she was humiliated to be present at the mass of her dead husband who betrayed her. "I was faithful to him, why? So he could betray me?" "You should pardon him." "Never, never."

Showing her cool, competent ability to run the hacienda, Sofia asks a groundskeeper how the sowing of the peppers is going. "It's going well." Then she asks for her father's horse. There's Juan with no shirt and no shave again! They give each other bedroom eyes. Him: "Why are you looking at me like that?" Her: "Why are you looking at me like that?" Him: "Don't look at me like that." Her: "Don't look at me like that. We should forget each other." She leaves. Then she looks back. Juan grins.

She approaches the horse. Furd says he's coming too, he reaches for Bernardo's horse and it rears up and clips him. He says the horse is dangerous and should be sold.

Jimena tells Oscar: "Mommy will be mad you cut her roses." "I did it for you." "I don't want you in my bedroom without permission, or I'll tell Mommy." She thinks she's flirting but he says, "I can't talk nice like Franco and I'm not used to women of your class, but I have a heart and your disdain hurts me." She leaves. He asks her pardon etc. but she's already gone.

Furd tattles to Mommy, how bad that horse is, it hurt me, see my wounds. Mommy starts caring for his wounds tenderly. He demands the horse be sold, Sofia says no, Mommy sides with Furd, it will be sold tomorrow. Sofia says no, Mommy says I'm tired of your rebellion. She is dabbing her yerno's wounds most tenderly. Most, most tenderly. Sofia leaves crying.

As she flees, Juan drops his wheelbarrow of dry cement and runs after her. He throws her a chicken to cheer her up and asks what's happening. She's all weepy about the horse and they hug. Then they pull away. "Pardon me." "Pardon me." She leaves and goes to pat her dad's horse and ask him: "Why did you attack Furd? What did he do? What do you know?" [Oh, if only this were Mr. Ed. --Ed.] Juan catches up with her and she talks about how great her dad was. Juan confides, "Sometimes we don't know people as they are - they hide secrets." They stroke hands over the horse's ears. "What secret to you have?" she asks.

Furd comes up to them - this is what we saw in the preview but nothing happens. Juan offers to buy the horse and Furd says, "Don't make me laugh, this is an expensive horse and what money do you have? Anyway he's not for sale." Snake eyes all round. Juan checks the horse's teeth and leaves.

Later, at the Lego-Land cabana, the boombox is playing and Franco is singing along! A full recovery! And here's Sarita with Kool-Aid and sandwiches, saying, "You work so hard, and after your accident you should eat well." "You are pretty, sweet, nice, and beautiful," he responds. "I think about you a lot - I kept the flower you gave me - I like the way you sing." He sings for her, two inches from her face. She runs away. And here comes - Furd! How can this guy stalk everybody at the same time? "I didn't know you could sing," he says, "Wanna make some money?"

The silly sisters do a "You're pretty, oh no you're prettier, no, ah but you are beautiful inside," thing for a while. Sarita needs convincing. Gramps chimes in, "Yes, you're pretty, have confidence."

Franco dresses up and his nosy brothers ask why. "I have an appointment." They think it's with Rosario, he denies it, Juan says "If you don't tell me who it is, you can't go. I promised our parents to take care of all of you - I failed with Libia..." "You can come along and see where I'm going." In fact, Furd hired him to serenade Sofia. So the brothers on their horses with their big ol' sombreros and a batch of mariachis stand under the lights and Pablo Montero sings to Sofia. [He's a really good singer, I hope he gets more chances to sing sappy love songs like this.] All the girls come out to listen. Even Mommy comes out. She smiles approvingly, this will surely get Sofia to put out for her darling yerno.

Juan sees Furd watching Sofia, gets jealous, rides away, yells: "GAVIOTAAAAAAA," no, uh, "SOFIAAAAA," under the moon.

Gramps breaks up the party by coming out and singing a rousing dance number with the mariachis.

At the Bad Love Bar, Rosario has not learned her new song so we get to hear about the succulent, insatiable BonBon assassin again. In her dressing room, she is glad to see a vase of anturios (I wouldn't know what they were except I used to watch Juan Querendon). "My favorite flower!" Suddenly Moustache enters and yells "Be Mine!" and attacks her with unwanted kisses. She breaks the vase over his head. "You'll pay!" he threatens. "I'll tell Furd tomorrow and then we'll see who pays," she retorts.

I refuse to recap any more conversations about how Sofia doesn't love Furd.

Later that night Oscar asks Juan why he left the serenade. "Why should I have stayed? How did it end?" "Gramps came out and his daughter got furious." Franco: "Sofia has a special beauty, she is so sad, she is not happy."

At dinner Mommy tells her yerno "You are such a gentleman. Any woman would be happy to have you." There is a discussion about the horse: Sofia points out it only attacks Furd, why doesn't he just stay away from it? So that's agreed, the horse won't be sold, and Mommy again says what a gentleman Furd is.

Sofia says she's going to town. Furd: "I'll go with you." Mommy: "No, Furd, stay here, there are some special things we need to discuss." Eva says she'll go with Sofia to help. On the way out Sofia and Juan exchange glances. Juan dumps another load of concrete out of his wheelbarrow. Oscar: "She's married, so you have a harder job conquering her so we can comply with our oath of vengeance." [I like translating these lame lines. --Ed.]

In the car Sofia tells Eva how tired she is of fighting with her mother. "Your mother has a strong character." "Yes, that's why my father stopped loving her."

On the Lego Plateau Gramps is thanking the boys: "That was a lotta fun last night, more fun even than the orgies I used to have with the Roman Emperor. By the way, Sofia doesn't love that good-for-nothing Furd, she needs a good man." "Really? She doesn't love that shagaral?" [I dunno what a shagaral is.]

Juan bolts for town and is in the back room of the Sweaty Breadshop when, just coincidentally, Sofia urges Eva to enter that very establishment. Eva says, "Oh no, this isn't where we buy our bread," but Sofia insists, and Juan, who is in the back caressing a loaf of bread and muttering Sofia's name, comes out and - surprise! - they smile at each other.

Labels: Fuego