Caray, Caray!

Buenas noches a todos.

Since the nice people who regularly criticize my posts advised me not to talk about Republicans, sex, or underwear, I guess that only leaves one thing: Fuego en la Sangre…Yippy…

Wow, I don’t want to sound campy, but whoever is doing the Elizondo girls’s makeup is either blind or on some sort of ultra penny-saver, K-Mart budget.

Over in Puebla Juan and the gang present the public notary with the documents that corroborate their relationship to the Robles-Reyes. Yup, everything is in order, but you don’t have the Will. That’s not important say the boys. Of course it is! You don’t have anything without a Will. Juan doubts there was a Will, but Uncle says that there is one because his brother was a responsible and foreseeing guy.

The three girls go to visit Gramps, but it’s Eva who wants to talk. She tells them that she knew that the Reyes were Libia’s brothers, and furthermore, she knew their tactics for vengeance. Of course, the girls can’t understand why Eva would ever betray them so. She reasons that she hated the Elizondo family (Gabit mostly) so much for not letting her keep her biological daughter, so she reasonably hired the Reyes to build the Magic Cabaña. Eva acknowledges that the Reyes were committed to their promise of vengeance, but she knows that they love the girls. It’s too late say the girls. They tell her to leave, and that they never want to see her again. How dare she conceal secrets from them? Eva looks to Sofia, the noble one, for support, but Sofia doesn’t know what to say.

Gabi, watching like a hawk, tells Rosendo that Eva just got the boot, and she wants him to bring her to her by force, if necessary. Apparently they have a lot to talk about. Gabi wants to know why she let the Reyes enter her house. Eva tells her that Gabi has made her miserable for years, and accordingly, she wanted to get back at Gabi. Gabi suggests that Eva could identify with Libia because both were rejected by Bernie. Eva tells Gabi that Bernie never loved her. Gabi tells her that Eva never hurt her, and conversely, she hurt the girls, who will never forgive her, and hate her for the rest of their lives. Gabi tells her to leave and never come back. Gabi throws her head back, and smiles with relief.

Sofia is over at the bakery when Juan and the boys walk in. He is excited to see her, but she pulls away. She confronts him with the fact that he and his brothers came to her house with guns and the intention to kill them. He tries to explain that they were angry and reasonably needed to take it out on someone. She asks him if he thought about all that Sofia would suffer if he told her the truth. He, who doesn’t have that ability to do so, naturally says “no.” Sofia tells him that he killed their love. Talk about overly dramatic. Juan tells her that she is the fire that illuminates his path, he loves her, etc. Sofia is fighting against her feelings, and now her love is turning into hate. She says that she loves him, but she can’t forgive him. Juan apparently has no grasp whatsoever of what is going on, and tries to kiss Sofia. She walks away.

Sofia goes to see Padre Tadeo and tells him that she will never forget about Juan because he taught her what true love is, and how to love. But she can’t forgive him because he hurt her way too much. Padre advises her to forgive him if she loves him so much. What would Padre know about relationships and fake marriages, it’s not like he’s ever been in either, unless you count that weird fling he has with his donkey… Sofia also needs his help. Why is it that Sofia can never stick to one single topic, and always has three or four problems which all need to be addressed separately? So the girls have decided to open a handicraft shop because they want to be independent. That’s a swell idea, if you want to sleep in the gutter and get your meals from the local berry bush. Good luck with that, sweety. Padre, the middleman, is going to fine the best Mexican craft makers for her store in order to promote the best quality. May I ask why the hell Sofia would go to the local priest and ask him to line-up some workers for her new “independent establishment?” I get it that he never attends to his priestly duties and is pretty much the personal confidant and punching bag of the Elizondo household, but for God’s sake, could he at least try to feign an interest in feeding the poor, converting the local heathens, etc.?

Now I’ve heard of watching grass grow, and watching paint dry, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of watching bread rise and then listen to it for the voice of a lover. Essentially, Juan is imagining his bread as Sofia talking to him. Uh-oh! He let the bread burn, sorta’ like his fake marriage with Sofia… He tells his brothers how upset he is about this whole Sofia business.

Ok, I apologize for this in advance, but I have no clue what the following people’s names are. So the poor, but proud, heavyset sister of Quinti (the one in the market) is talking to her two sons. One of them, the less bald one, announces his marriage plans. Everyone is excited and we hear the Televisa wedding music, except the problem is that Eugenia, his girlfriend hasn’t said yes, nor has he asked her. That is a problem… Where the hell did that come from? That would be like me saying that I’ll be the Democratic candidate to the presidency, but I never registered to run, established a party line, campaigned, or secured a party nomination. I really have no idea why they include these silly subplots in this story. Sadly, they make more sense and have more entertainment value than the actual plot at hand.

Sarita and Rosario meet up on the street, and conveniently they wanted to talk to each other. Doesn’t anyone ever call someone and then decide to meet. If this is the case, I’ll just hang-out around the bottom of my driveway and wait for all my friends and teachers to walk on by. Anyway, Sarita acknowledges that she knows that Rosie renounced her love for Franco so that Sarita and he could be together. Sarita tells her that it was in vain because Franco lied to her, and then tried to kill them. Rosie doesn’t believe it, and tells her that the Reyes bros. could never lie or hurt someone. What about the time Juan beat-up Fernie? Rosie tries to convince Sarita to forgive Franco, and love him again.

Franco is really worried about Juan and tells his uncle about it. All he can say is to watch him closely. Silly Franco thinks that lovesick Juan needs a doctor. Uncle tells him that only time and tears can heal a broken heart, etc. After all, Juan has us, and we will never let him fall.

Juan pays a visit to Libia’s special, but albeit creepy grave. He cries about not having Sofia or Libia. He reminds Libia how Sofia swore to love him forever, but now that promise is broken, and she, he, and their unborn son will never be happy. No es para tanto, Juan.

Gabi is reproaching Sofia for defending Eva. Sofia brings up how happy Gabi must be now that the Reyes are gone, she is happy, Sofia blames Gabi for everything that is going on. Nothing new here. Except, where did that pool and fountain come from? And why the hell is Sofia not showing? I feel like it’s been months since Juan planted his little seed in Sofia’s depressed, dark, and overly-hormonal garden… I seriously can’t believe that they are having this conversation: Sofia, yet again, is blaming Gabi for Eva’s unhappiness. I think I might have this conversation memorized--and I only watch the damn show once a week.

So Sofia calls a sisterly meeting in her room. Yay!—just like when they were ten! Sofia wants to do something in the name of Bernie and themselves as a unit.

Gabi is venting to Fernie. She can’t believe that Sofia supports Eva. Fernie reminds Gabi that she is a good mother. As we know, he will say anything to get her to shut up. He reminds her that her daughters will be unhappy while they stay together and remain the happiest people in the world. Again, where have we heard this conversation before?

Oh my God, so many comments, so little time. So, the girls, who now act as a single unit headed by Sofia, pay a visit to Libia and her tomb. My biggest thing about this situation is its display of Spelling-Bee Acting. That is, every time these actresses are together, they are lined-up and repeat their lines while standing in a line. This scene is almost too pathetic for this show because of their outfits, the flowers they are holding, and their little speech about Libia being a victim of her own circumstances and being the only woman Bernie ever loved.

Eva is in the Tumbao dressing room and crying to her sort-of daughter. Nothing we haven’t heard, just how she betrayed the Reyes, and failed Rosario. That one woman who supposedly is a good performer gets jealous and comes out of a closet. Rosario isn’t your daughter! She, or the Televia people repeat that line three times. Then it must be true!

Ok, so Uncle (I don’t know his name) takes the boys to a random creek and shows them some cross that belongs to their parents’ grave. I’m too busy watching and thinking about the fact that every time they go some place they have to be suited up in a hideous “charro” suit and they dramatically jump and leap to their destination in slow motion. Now, why the hell would anybody burry two people in the middle of some muddy hillside near a creek? Juan dramatically wipes the mud away from the tombstone to reveal Libia’s grave along with that of his parents. I know I’m saying this a lot, but how the hell did Libia end up buried there? And don’t tell me she dug her own grave and crawled in. Oh my god, this is too much. Juan starts to laugh, but then breaks down sobbing and clenches the tomb for dear life as he is smothered with mud and rain. Everyone cries and holds on to each other. This is one of the rare moments in my life in which I can truly say I want to throw up.

So after all this time they found the parents’ grave. Everyone continues to cry and miss their parents. The uncle tells the dad that his sons are here: wow, I didn’t know that. So everyone says the “Our Father” prayer and cries. Oh look! Even the magical Disney flower on Libia’s grave sheds a tear.
Story time: Juan relates that “mom” always told him stories, and tells his bros. and uncle the one about mom giving him instructions to complete upon her death. She told him not to cry for her, but for his brothers, to give her belongings to children, to look for her among the people they knew and met, and more Pollyanna shit. Now, my question is why is Juan remembering this, if he said he originally only had one solitary memory of his mother being killed; two, what kind of mother gives her seven-year-old instructions to complete among her death?; and three, how does Juan possess any sort of skill to retell this story accurately? He’s not what I would call a reliable narrator.

So, as always, the boys were taking a group shower and, with their bare chests exposed, they go to thank Uncle for giving them a convenient place to go and pray for their parents. You only have to cross a series of mountain ranges, fallen trees, and stony brooks to reach the muddy hillside on which they eternally reside… Other than that it’s a little piece o’ paradise. So Juan introduces Quinti to Vicente, the uncle. She blows him kisses, but Juan tells her to back off because he’s part of the family. Quinti is just another example of the disastrous effects of a low-budget makeup department.

Pedro has gone to pray, and asks what to do about his father.

Juan has gone to visit Alejandro Reyes, Juan’s uncle. And he even has the picture to prove it! By-the-bye, we know him as El Jefe, or better yet, Unibrow. You know, now that I think about it, I am confident that I could write a better script for this show, cast it with local fourth-graders, produce it in my backyard with my kitchen utensils, and it would be far better than this excuse of a novela. Why are random family members always showing up, people are suddenly remembering things they never knew, and everything is blown out of proportion?

Anyway, in case you care, I present you with…

Tomorrow: The tomb the Reyes bros. found has given them strength and hope. But the Reyes have decided to play the roles of creepers, and magically appear on the girls’s balconies. Was it me, or did it look like Jimena was grabbing and rubbing herself instead of that questionably-shaped pillow?

Labels: Fuego