Caray, Caray!

Let's just dive right in!

Raul calls Candy and they plan to meet for a business dinner. When she gets off the phone she bitches at Meño for not telling her that her ma came around. "Because I didn't want to worry you" is the excuse. Well she is worried, for her son Chava not for herself. Patricio's got a lot of money and power and she doesn't want to lose her son.

Chayo complains to someone on the phone that she just found out about Lalo having a secret bank account. *Lalo comes home and tells his wife he loves her and how was her day, tell Papi Rico all about it while I mix us a drink. Oh whoops, that's in the alternate universe. **Lalo comes home, brushes past his beautiful wife (who we know is an awesome dancer ) and demands to know if dinner is ready.
*Lie
**What really happened


Candy tells Meño that Patricio is indeed Beto's dad. Meño figures it out, Chava's best bud is also his half brother. Candi really thinks she should live somewhere else, a new country, new name, whatever. Meño talks her out of it, surely Pat will find her, it's a bad idea.

He teases her about being dressed up. Who did she make herself look so pretty for? She says she doesn't look pretty she IS pretty. All part of her inner beauty plan I guess but easy to say when you're totally hot.

Donato helps Santi get dressed for wherever he's going and advises him about the dangers of juggling two mujeres. He tells Santi he's the ham in a babe sandwich and he'd better hope they don't join up against him or he'll be driving alone, singing in the rain. (This show's heavy-handed foreshadowing is kind of spoiling the suspense, dontcha think?) Santi talks to himself in the mirror, he really likes Candy, it's got to be Candy but she declared war. And Marissa is crazy with a crazy face. He's going to settle his dilemma the way Mexicans do such things, intelligently, coherently, sanely. He pulls a peso out of his pocket, if it's the eagle it's Marissa and if it's the sun it's Candy. He flips the coin and smiles.

Alicia gives Pato a massage. (Another massage? he's way too spoiled.) He tells her he doesn't have any lovers, Soledad is only a person who used to work for his dad and over time she and Arturo became friends. Alicia notes that she saw a boy there. Pato protesteth too much, "Oh no no no I don't have any little brothers."

Candy's all dressed up for dinner. She answers the door and crazy face Marissa surprises her at the door, she wants to talk.

Alicia is still pressing Pato about the niño thing. "He looks a lot like you" she insists. He squirms and says "well you caught me, yes he's mine." Al climbs on top of Pato and scary giggles, "He's not your son, he's your little bro." She says Pato can confide in her, she doesn't like lies. More worried looks from Pato and they boink on the couch.

Marissa's quite nice to Chava and says she'll take him to the park with his "novia" Rocio. He thinks that's just super. Marissa tells Candi she looks very nice, why? "You're going to dinner with my novio, arent you?" she demands.

Meño phones Candi's mom Gregoria with some bullcrap story about wanting to give Alicia a present. Gregoria ends up giving him Alicia's address.

Marissa asks why does Candy deny she's having dinner with her (Mar's) boyfriend? She calls Santi to verify and Santi tells her he's going out with his friends, whazzup? Candy grabs Marissa, says let's make sure, how about dinner for three, and drags her out the door.

Mini random scene where short waiter (sorry, can't remember who's Sven and who's Ole) teases tall waiter for walking with a limp. Tall guy says he played a little futbol in the morning. Short guy says the problem is at his age futbol is for watching not for playing. They rip on each other for not doing their own work and basically stand there arguing while neither of them works. I'm not sure why this scene is in here but I added it just in case.

Poker night for the boys. They're all there except Raul who said he had an appointment. Santi thinks he's probably meeting a new girlfriend or something. Heh, if he only knew. Then the guys start flaming on women, how posessive they are, etc. Santi says for sure, you get married and your leg is tied to the foot of the bed (Pata de la cama also means to be on a shoestring, so I think Santi's saying once you get married you're on a shoestring and no more spending money on fun stuff). Stupid guy with hat is confused, "Lalo says women are posessive and Santi says they like to tie men to to the bed, right?" Right, mumbles Santi, no no wrong! He said women tie your leg to the foot of the bed (back to the shoestring). Cute smarmy guy says he doesn't like that S & M stuff. Stupid guy in hat suggests they solve their problems by becoming gay. Ha ha laughter all around. I think I spent too much time trying to translate this silly conversation.

Candy drags Marissa to her dinner date and voila, it's Raul! Ha ha ha ha! Marissa is mollified and mortified and wants to leave but Candy says no way, it's a business dinner and she should be there.

Back to the poker game and the guys are still gossiping about women. Lalo worries if he divorces Chayo she'll get half of what he earns. Other guy says women should let their husbands have a lover. Bitter guy says why not two? (Manly chortle). They complain that women these days want the same liberties that men have. They want a husband then take lovers. (I guess that's what bitter man's wife did) Sorry, but I didn't get the end of this conversation.

Raul asks Candy about this new institute she's going to start. "You're going to have a spa?" asks Marissa. Not quite a spa or a gym she says, then Candy gives Meester Raul and Marissa a short tutorial on inner beauty. She claims natural beauty is much better than artificial beauty. Raul is mesmerized.

Next morning Raul surprises sis with a visit and a box of coffee. He's got a great idea, she should unite with her enemy. Mari doesn't understand these things before 9:00 a.m. Raul makes her listen, he says there is something between Candy and her boyfriend, Candy 's institute needs money, she and Candy should become partners!

Candy shows Meño all her fan mail from women who are in crummy situations, whose husbands and sons only need them for cleaning and cooking. She gets letters from women who are beaten and then ask her for advice; she doesn't know what to say to them. Meño gives her a pep talk, she's a woman who knows what to say, who is authentic. Candy pipes up that's what she heard last night. "From the Plastic Doctor?" asks Meño. Candy reveals she had dinner with their boss Raul. Meño is impactado, "No puede..." He's never even invited Meño for a cup of coffee and one look at Candy and he's got the eyes of a cow in love. Candy teases Meño about his gay-looking shirt and the way he walks, then she cackles about it. Whatever.


Candy trots down to the table, pours a cup of tea and forces Charly to have a conversation with her. Does he like his papa? Charly thinks his dad is a little weird but basically good people. Weird how, aks Candy? Charly waves his hand and says dad's mannerisms are a bit delicate. Whatever, he can't stand gays, he had a friend in the DF who came out and Charly wouldn't see him anymore. Candy wonders why this sudden talk of gays. Charly asks Candy if dad has a girlfriend, has he ever had a girlfriend? Oops, Candi's a bit tongue-tied.

Meño visits Alicia and asks to see Gregoria. She's not too happy to see Meño but he's saccharin sweet to her, gives her a hug, says she looks great, did she have a face lift? Alicia says in fact she already suggested it but ma doesn't want to. Nice.

Lucia's happily chatting on the phone with Charly who just got a new job. She still feels guilty about him not being a hamburger anymore. Sounds like he's invited her to visit him at his new gig, I wonder what kind of fast food he'll be this time?

Marissa visits her bro at work, she's warming up to the idea of being Candy's partner but what benefits would she get from it? Bro says 1) your boyfriend won't be able to be with her if she's always with her partner, 2) if you're her partner Candy won't be able to betray you. Marissa adds and 3) you like her; finally after all these years you're interested in someone. Maybe he says. She leaves and Raul looks pensive.

Beto asks Soledad has dad called him? He says dad is never going to come back is he? Poor little guy.

Raul asks his dead wife's picture "Is it bad that I like Candy? She reminds me a lot of you."

Arturo's back on his feet and he wants to go into biz with his son. He has a friend in California and they can export Pato's crafts there. California is full of Mexicans! Pato says that's because we're recovering it, California once belonged to Mexico. Aturo doesn't want a history class, he wants to make money. Pato says he has something important to tell his dad, "You have a lover." Dad is confused, what the?..

Lucia and Eva look for Charly in the mall. A big chicken follows them and gooses them (hee hee, sorry I couldn't resist). Big chicken grabs Lucia and she finally figures out it's Charly. It's his new work and he'd better get back to it before he gets fired. Lucia asks Eva isn't he awesome? Eva's not too impressed, Lucia's boyfriend is just a big chicken, what's up with that? Lucia must be in love because she sighs he's not any pollo, he's a very tasty one.

Marissa visits Candi and tells her she's been thinking since last night. Candy throws out a curve ball, "your nose and boobies were operated on, right?" Marissa almost blows her tea out her nose. She admits yes her body parts are "operadas". Candi wonders why Marissa would do it, she's already so beautiful, not just her looks but she's a beautiful soul.

Pato explains to his dad about the charade, not only does Arturo have a kid but also a lover. "And a lover? Yaaaaay!" cheers Arturo. This may be the first time he's ever been happy about anything Pato's done. What a weird family.

After Marissa recovers from Candi's kind words she gets down to the purpose of her visit. Candy needs money and is looking for a partner, right?

Rocio's on cloud 9. She can't wait to show her papa her latest email from mom. Papa reads it aloud, "My dear daughter, I feel very close to you, blah blah blah, write and tell me all about school the house, because I want to know all about you. Love your only mother." Nice try Santiago, will she fall for it? (The little girl is truly adorable, what a beauty.) Rocio is overcome with emotion and wants to write mom right away. She tells her dad she loves him, and mama too...and also Marissa! Santi falls backward on the bed, foiled again.

Isabel visits Jaime at the restaurant and asks him if he knows any tunes from the 60s. Sure, he knows Joan Baez, The Beatles (so far so good piano man), and "Eddie Gorme" as the subtitles say. Isabel's delighted and so is he, he'll teach her right now. She says how about at my house? Even better!

Santi walks into the office followed by the two buns to his ham sandwich. He's confounded, they're not friends, why are they talking about the office rent? Candi introduces Santi to her new partner. The girls beam and Santi is speechless. Uh...uh...uh...uh...

Alicia thinks partnering with Arturo is a great idea and she wants to be involved. She tells her pop-in-law now that they are business associates he doesn't need to pretend with her. She met his lover and his son. Uh oh, Pato's mom Margarita walks in just as Al is flapping her jaw and is muy, pero muy impactada. "What, you have a lover and a son? I want a divorce immediately!" This part is great, both Pato and Arturo wag their fingers and shake their heads in unison, then they look at each other with the same baffled expressions on their faces, mirror images. Nice bit of acting there.

Santi and Candy fight over Marissa. He says Mari is his partner. Candi pulls her back, Marissa is HER partner, more back and forth. Santi says Mari's betraying him, she's his future wife. Doesn't matter retorts Candy, Mari's not the slave of the Plastic Doctor. He says if she doesn't shut up he'll tell the whole world she's not dead! Marissa's confused, what does he mean dead? Santi back pedals but remains on fire, he tells Candi first he'll deal with his girlfriend and then with her. He and Marissa argue some more.

Margarita asks why is Arturo laughing, what's so funny? Alicia says he's laughing because it's just a joke, they saw her listening at the door. Lots of stupid nervous laughter but Ma's not amused.

Santi talks really fast to Marissa, she can do whatever she wants and he doesn't want to get in her way, but blah blah blah he switches to complaining about her partnership with Candy. Candy is his enemy. Marissa's already a partner in his clinic, she edits the column and now she's a partner in another business? He accuses that she wants to be Candy's partner so she can control Candy and also control him. She retorts he's in charge of the clinic and her bro's in charge of the paper, she wants another business. He says it's going to be a disaster. More fast talking about bubis. Santi gets pouty and says he feels betrayed. Marissa fixes his emotional boo-boos with a kiss, then another, then another. Santi warns Hortensia, no interruptions. Office boinkage ensues. Candy who?

The odd foursome of Arturo, Pato, Alicia and Margarita leave the offices. Ma complains to Alicia that it was a stupid joke. Pop tells Pato he'll help him but not at the risk of his marriage, however the old dog's pretty darn happy that he has a grandson. "Even by a woman I only spent one night with?" asks Pato. Dad says the woman's not important, he wants to give the kid his name and meet him. Pato doesn't think that's a good idea at all. Dad says he's not asking, he's ordering. (Grrrr...)

Candy follows Meño around the restaurant and tells him he has to get a girlfriend because of Charly. She says ask Zamora (Sven?), he knows a lot of women. Meño says being gay isn't an illness. (Do we have to go throught his conversation again?) Fine, says Candy, it's not an illness but if he wants Charly to stop asking so many questions he'd better get a woman, and stop it with the little finger! Meno tries to walk like John Wayne and pounds his hand on the bar except it hurts his hand. (Sigh.)

Isabel, Lucia and the maid are in the mercado and Lucia asks Isabel what it feels like to fall in love. Like butterflies in the stomach answers granny. The maid pipes up it's like having gas in the stomach. Lucia asks is it like butterflies or gas? Isabel explains further, it's like tickling. Maid pipes up again, it's like tickling in your armpits. Que??? Yes, her first boyfriend sold deoderant and everytime she lifted her arms he applied deoderant and it tickled her. Weird. Isabel's curious, why does Lucia ask all these questions about love? She's asking for a friend of course. Oh Really??? asks Abuela. Isabel brags to the maid that she only had one love and she married him, maid laughs at Isabel for only having one boyfriend in her life.

I guess the office lovemaking didn't last long, Santi's already buttoning his ugly coat and calling Candy. He tells her she's not going to win the war. She says his girlfriend is her partner and one man can't win against two women. Blah blah blah idle threats back and forth with Santi concluding that he will not allow her to open her Soul Institue on top of his business, he means it, no kidding!

Lucia and Charly eat ice cream and talk about old-fashioned parents. Lucia says her uncle wouldn't be happy if he knew she had a boyfriend. Charly points out he's not exactly her boyfriend. Duh, she wasn't saying he is, just that uncle doesn't want her to have A boyfriend. Charly asks and what if I wanted to be your boyfriend? She jumps up and skips off. Charly makes a deal with himself, if she turns within ten seconds and waves goodbye then she loves him. Ten, nine, eight, seven...she turns around and with a big smile waves goodbye.

Candi and Marissa are plotting and having lunch at Meño's restaurant. Well, they're trying to talk but Sven and Ole are drooling over them which always puts a damper on dining. Candi's plan is to have the prestigious Doctor Plastico help them with the promotion of their institute. No way says Marissa, he declared war against them and is furious, Plastico will never help them. Candi vows he'll help promote them and furthermore she'll make him strip in the marketplace. (Great idea!!) "Fahgeddaboutit," sez Marissa, "You're nuts!" Candi looks smug.

Mañana de impacatados: Beto tells Candi that her mom's friend Patricio is inside the house giving Chava a futbol shirt. Candi is impactada. Inside the house Pato's putting his little shirt on Chava when he see's a pic of Candi. Pato is impactado. "It's my mom" Chava exclaims proudly. Pato is mas impactado. Candi discovers that Patricio is married to her sister. Candi is muy pero muy impactada.

Labels: Tontas