Caray, Caray!

From last night: Juan goes off to help search for Raq. Paddy Tad tells the girls he’s absolved Crabs of her sins. Feo shows up to find the doctor just leaving and the attorney walks in. Juan has Capricho tied to one end of a rope while he lowers himself down into the Canyon of Death. He finds Raquel – she almost looks better dead than alive. The stench of Raq’s decomposing body overwhelms Juan.

We get treated to another cameo of Raq’s dead face, while the local representative of the Grim Reaper Franchise lurks behind a bush. Juan fires a gun to alert Coyote’s search party that he’s found Raq. As Coyote comes down the embankment (unlike Juan without a horse up above to hang on to!), Mr. G. Reaper continues to lurk. Juan says they have to let Officer Mutton Chops know and he’ll go, Coyote will stay, because the vultures will eat her (“se la comen los buitres”). I guess they haven’t been hungry for the last few days? Grim continues to look on. Juan calls to Capricho to pull him out.

Back at Crabi’s deathbed, the girls tell her they will be the only ones caring for her from now on. She agrees and says Sofia was right.

Coyote talks to Dead Raq, asking forgiveness for not being able to protect her from his Daddy Darth. While we get a close up shot of Señor Reaper’s sickle, Coyote notices something in Dead Raq’s hand. Holy Snake Jackets Batman! It’s a fake snake head complete with an extended snake tongue that she must have ripped off of Darth’s jacket before she fell! Coyote has no doubt that Darth killed Raq – he crumples the snake in his hand while the Reaper looks on, vowing to kill Darth. Coyote leaves the scene, even though Juan told him to wait there. Grim Reaper steps forward and casts his dark shadow over Raq’s body, reaches down and closes Raq’s eyes. (This whole Grim Reaper thing makes me crazy. I know they’ve shown him before as a prelude to a death, but what’s the purpose of all the airtime he’s getting after Raq’s death? Isn’t his work done there, and has he really been standing out there all this time holding the sickle?)

Feo and the lawyer are exiting the office when Sofia comes down the Staircase of Horror. She yells at Feo for not bringing the doctor. Feo and the lawyer explain to Sofia that the judge’s decision making Slowfia the owner of everything isn’t effective until Gaby signs the papers. Sofia pulls Feo aside and tells him he better get packin’, she’s throwing him out. Feo says the lawyer said he could sign on behalf of Gabi as Gabi’s power of attorney, and he would let him but only if he was going to sign in favor of Stupidfia, but he’s not signin’ nothin’, and that he and Sofia are now co-owners of the Elizondo fortune. The lawyer looks pissed. This whole thing about the signature makes no sense to me at all, but it’s probably because I can’t find my beanie.

Over to the Quintina Stripper Show, the Señoras of Ciudad Serdan are getting the opportunity to check out the beefcake before the show. Asexual Buzzkill Hortensia is horrified by the immorality of it all. I’m just horrified by, well . . . it all.

Sofia asks the lawyer if this signature nonsense is true. He’s says unfortunately it is true. The lawyer admits it was his own mistake, but he realized it too late. He trusted Feo, but Feo tricked him. The lawyer calls Feo a thief. Feo’s mad and throws him out, but before he goes, the lawyer tells Sofia that he will fix everything. Sofia tells Feo she’ll be having a word with Gabi about this whole thing, but Feo tells her not to waste her time, her mother doesn’t even want to see her. Sofia explains to Feo about the sudden turn of events and how she and her sisters are now “In” and Feo’s “Out”. Feo tells Sofia she has to tell him everything because he’s a 50% owner now. Feo thought bubbles that Gabi’s time has come. I doubt anything will happen to Gabi though, because Señor Reaper is otherwise occupied at the moment with Raq.

Back in the bedroom, Crabs is clingy with Sarita and Jimena, and doesn’t want to be left alone for a second. She thinks about how she almost died if it weren’t for the medicine the doctor gave her. She knows Feo tried to kill her by switching the prescription the doctor gave her, and that she has to protect herself and have only her daughters take care of her. She opens her nightstand and pulls out the bottle of pills that Fernando gave her. She’s going to save them and give them to Coyote to find out what they are. She thinks how strange it is that Coyote is the only person she trusts.

Soledad fills Coyote in on Darth’s visit. He wants them to leave the house ASAP. Soledad won’t leave until they know what happened to Raq. Coyote tells Mama Coyote that Raq’s dead, and shows her the snake head decoration he found in Raq’s dead hand. Soledad is impactada – she thinks it’s her fault Raq is dead. Soledad laments over how Darth always adored snakes, and wouldn’t you know, he even formed a Secret Society of Snakes (say that 5 times fast!), called “The Snakes” with Feo’s Daddy, Roberto Escandon. They even made the symbol of their society a snake. (How original! Those evil guys are so creative. They even had leather jackets like the Lords of Flatbush!) Apparently, Darth Rico betrayed Roberto, leaving him penniless, which is why Roberto killed himself. (Soledad knew all this back in the day and was still in love with the Grand Poobah of the The Snakes?) Soledad says Crabi had a lot to do with the tragedy of Feo’s Daddy’s death.

Back in Crab’s world, she’s busy giving Sarita a big guilt trip of making her chose between her mother and Franco. As usual, Wimpy Sarita caves.

Outside, and on his way to see Gabi, Darth curses Gabi for turning him into a killer, and for never being able to know his own son. He runs into Root, when all of a sudden the Officer M. Chops and Crew show up to take him away to be questioned about Raq’s disappearance. Officer Chops tells Darth the Reyes Bros. have formally accused him.

Upstairs, Jimena is reading Sarita the riot act for agreeing to leave Franco and stay with their mother. Sarita says she feels torn, “entre la espada y la pared” (between the sword and the wall).

Over at the Reyes Rancho they’re all talking about what’s happened and how it’s much better for the little girls and the mute nuns to live with them. They ask Eva to tell them once again exactly what happened at Hacienda San Agustin the night of Libia’s death, because they still have doubts that it was an accident. Eva retells her story saying that Libia left the house “afligida” (heartbroken), and that later on Gabi and Feo were alone in the office talking, but she doesn’t know about what. Oscar thinks they need to talk to Gabi about that night also.

Feo is in the office gushing about his victory over Sofia. He thinks he really needs to get rid of Gabi as quickly as possible, and then Snake Jefe Uribe.

At the police station, Darth Rico says that Raq abandoned him, and doesn’t know anything about her disappearance. Juan strolls in and starts yelling about finding the papers saying Raq owned everything, and that’s why Darth killed her. Officer Chops says to Juan, “Whoa, wait a minute, you accused him of the disappearance of Raq, not her murder.” Juan breaks the news that he just found Raq’s body. Darth fakes shock at this news. Root just looks down and shakes her head. Darth starts screaming that there’s no evidence that he killed Raq. (I guess he hadn’t noticed he was one snake short of a jacket?) Juan screams that the proof is in the pudding, I mean the papers that Darth is hiding in the cabaña. Ciudad Serdan’s finest, aka the Mexican Barney Fifes, are searching the cabaña and one of them finds the infamous snake belt and asks Root about it. (Why he even asked about the belt is beyond me – he knows he’s supposed to be looking for papers, not belts! Maybe he just liked it a lot and figured since Darth’s going to be locked up in La Casa Grande probably for life maybe he could have the really cool belt?) Root takes the belt away and says it’s not evidence of anything. Juan shows up just in time to miss seeing the snake belt from his nightmares. Nobody finds any papers.

The sisters are trying to figure out how they’re going to explain what’s happened with Feo and the Hacienda to Gabi, they don’t want to make her worse. Gabi pressures them for answers. Sofia explains that Feo is now half owner of the hacienda. Gabi’s not having any of this and gets out of bed. Uh oh, on the precipice of the Staircase of Doom, Gabi confronts Feo. He tries to explain that he used his rights as her husband to protect her from Sofia. (How long will it take these numbskulls to learn that you don’t have a fight on the stairs!) Feo doesn’t want to argue and tries to get Crabs to go back to the bedroom and take her medicine (the poison medicine, of course). Feo tells Sofia not to forget he has 50% ownership of the Hacienda, when Juan walks in and says he’s giving Sofia his part of the hacienda so she will have majority control. Feo wants to talk to Gabs alone in the bedroom and walks away. Juan breaks the news that Raq is dead, he thinks Darth killed her, explains about the papers and the Uribe fortune. He says Darth is in jail and now it won’t be long before he starts squealing on his accomplices. Gabi is impactada. Feo listens from afar. Gabi says she needs to go back to bed.

Franco and Oscar are interviewing Horty about Libia’s death. Horty remembers that a big, black truck, going very fast, passed her on the road that night on the way back to the pueblo after Bernie’s wake. She didn’t see who was driving, but it looked like they were chasing somebody. They’re thinking that all the trucks at Gabi’s house are black, but they have to figure out who left the wake that night, and for how long, but first they’ve got to tell Juan about all this. (Doesn’t Coyote drive a big, black truck too? I know he didn’t do it, but Gabi hasn’t cornered the market on big, black trucks!)

Back at the jail, Feo is taunting Darth in his cell about killing Raq, and about Raq cheating n Darth with him. Feo threatens to bring charges against Darth for Raq’s murder also, it won’t look good for Darth if that accusation comes from Raq’s amante. Root shows up and tells Feo he better be careful or she’ll spill the frijoles about Feo plotting to kill Gabi. Feo tries to use the fact that Root signed over ½ of her inheritance from Gabi over to him and he’s got the papers to prove it and will tell Gabi. Root says, “What papers, these papers?”, and hands them over to Daddy in his cell, who promptly tears them up. Feo = muy impactado. In the background we hear Root say, “Ooops”. Feo attacks Root and slams her up against a wall, but then let’s her go and walks out of the jail, knowing he’s been beaten this time. Root tells Daddy that the coppers found nothing in the house to prove he killed Raq – he’ll be a free man.

Sofia’s lines, Juan’s lines. More Sofia’s lines and some crying (Sorry, Union rules - have to meet the nightly tears quota).

Feo gets into his big, black, truck (hmmm . . who was just talking about a big, black truck?), and is thinking Root couldn’t have opened the safe, the Reyes’ Bros. must’ve broken into his safe and that’s how Root got the papers.

Franco Starsky and Oscar Crutch (Starsky & Crutch! LOL!! Sorry, I’m a dork, I’m crackin’ myself up!) are bringing Juan up to date on the investigation of Libia’s death. Juan says, “Malhaya” (a word I learned means “Sh*t” just two recaps ago!) Juan says they have to question every person that was at the wake that night about who left the house quickly.

Well, Mommy/Daughter Love Fest 2009 has now officially ended, and Crabs has left the building. Gabi blames Sofia for Feo being able to take advantage of her. Gabi says it’s all Sofia’s fault – everything that’s EVER happened is Sofia’s fault, Sofia doesn’t deserve a mother like Gabi. Stupidfia tells Gabi that nothing she ever does for her is enough, and says she’s giving Gabi everything back and will be packing up and leaving the house. (What about protecting her sisters’ interests????)

Back in the communal bedroom with the safe, Oscar (“The Fingers”) Reyes is giving Franco the combination to open the safe.

Eva runs to the jail to console Root. Eva’s lines, Root’s lines. Root rejects her again and Eva leaves.

The safe will not open. “Fingers” gets down on the floor to open it himself, while Franco is the lookout. (Why not just lock the door???) Oscar gets the combination correct, and they start unloading the goods. Juan pulls out a bunch of papers and the box that has Libia’s necklace in it. He seems fascinated by the box now, but hardly paid any attention to it the other day! Just as he’s about to open the box Franco tells him he hears Sofia crying and Juan puts the box back in the safe. Oscar stares at the box. Back on the Staircase of Doom, Sofia tells Juan about her mother rejecting her again. She agrees to move to the Doble R with Juan and the girls (the nuns too, I’m sure). Feo passes them on the stairs and walks in on Franco and Oscar, still in the bedroom in front of the closed safe. Feo wants to know what they’re doing. Oscar is on the floor and Franco is above him and they pretend they’re doing Oscar’s exercises. Feo accuses them of breaking into the safe. Feo takes a bag out of the closet, and starts emptying the contents of the safe into his bag. Duh! Feo forgets to take the box with him! Franco pulls it out of the safe and hands it to Oscar.

End of capitulo.

Labels: Fuego