Caray, Caray!

In the kitchen, Tina discovers Isabel’s picture in Don’s jacket pocket, and she wonders why he carries it.

Speaking of jacket pockets, Alicia sneaks the safe combination back into Pato’s wallet, and she returns it to his jacket just as he’s entering the room. He’s packing his bags and moving into a hotel. He asks why she wants to talk to his dad. She changes the subject and begs him not to leave her. Pat retrieves the manila envelope from the safe and looks carefully at how it was closed. Does he notice something amiss?

Limber Alicia has gone fetal. I just wonder how she can wrap her arms around her knees. Her boobs must feel like they’re in a mammogram squash! Crying, she again begs Pat not to leave, but he patiently persists. She asks if it was because of the photos she gave Marissa (Candy and Santiago in an intense kiss). No, it’s for a thousand things. She reverts to extortion: if he leaves, she could kill herself. How does one answer such a threat from someone who is emotionally unstable? Does he yield to the extortion and remain her prisoner? Does he ignore the threat and convince himself that it’s her problem, not his? Does he remove all the sharp objects and hire a bodyguard? Does he try to reason with someone who is unreasonable? He goes for her soft spot. “Don’t ever say that. It really upsets me when you say that.” He tries his best to be gentle but firm, like a mother leaving a clingy child with a babysitter.

While the boys are playing, Soledad asks Candy if Beto can spend the night there. Candy asks if she has a date or something, but Sol dodges. My friends tell me that in Mexico it is very uncommon for kids to sleep over at a friend’s house.

Santiago walks into the restaurant and finds his buddy and father figure, Meño, drinking alone. Meño says it hurts so bad, even breathing is painful. His best friend died. Remembering the old times, Meño recalls that his friend always wanted to write for telenovelas. The son is throwing Meño out on the street like a dog, and the institute too. Santiago offers to help in any way he can. In the next scene, Meño is more drunk, singing the blues alone. What happened to Santi?

Pat shows up to take Candy for their magical day (I thought Chava was included; I guess not). She is dressed to the nines, and he is suitably overwhelmed by her beauty. Candy hopes it doesn’t rain (like their last magic day), and Pat says, “No le eches la sal al día” (don’t jinx the day). Pat has rented a country home with a beautiful formal garden. Candy is enchanted by it all. They gaze at each other significantly. Candy should have paid more attention to her fairy tales. No, Gretel, no! Not the gingerbread cottage! There’s a wicked witch inside, and a steel trap!!!

Alicia the Desperate is throwing a tantrum and throwing Pato’s clothes. She flashes back to the night of his bachelor party. Sorry, folks, I have no pity to spare on Alicia. Her chickens have come home to roost. Her plot was to ruin her sister’s happiness by ruining her marriage. She fell into her own trap and received the agony she planned to give her sister. And what has she learned from all this? “I hate you, Candy.” That’s the litmus test for telenovela villains. When they suffer for their own sins, they turn in one of two directions. A. Some examine their lives and try to figure out why they’re suffering. Those people repent at the end and either find love or die a heroic death saving someone sweet and innocent., as V. Lanus did in Alborada. B. Others respond to the chastisement by swearing revenge and becoming more devious. You just know those folks have a date with the pie cart of scorpions!

In the gingerbread cottage at the edge of the forest, Candy sees the bed covered with rose petals, and she remembers when she made love with Pat on her 18th birthday. Disturbed by it all, she wants to leave. Pardon me, folks. Pat is trying win the heart of someone who is injured and incredibly gun-shy. In what universe is it a good idea to put up a flashing neon sign that says, “I plan to get you into my bed”??? He doesn’t understand why she wants to leave, and he tells her the rose petals covering the bed don’t have any significance. That falls into the same category as:
The check is in the mail.
This won’t hurt a bit.
It’s not my pot; I was holding it for a friend.
I’ll respect you in the morning.
I’m not lying.
Then he has the gall to ask, “Why don’t you trust me?” She refuses to reconsider; she’s leaving. So he does what any normal obsessive maniac stalker would do: he handcuffs Candy to himself. Because he loves her so much, of course. I’m surprised he didn’t chain her to the rose-covered bed, but the night is young. Maybe Pat has some rapist’s fantasy that if he can just force her into bed, she will be completely devoted to him forever after. Candy looks very worried, as well she should.

In the operating room, Santiago tells Ed that Candy’s landlord wants to evict her. Meño tells Charly the same thing.

Lucía accompanied Charly for a blood test because he wants to donate blood for a friend’s operation. She’s impressed by his gallantry and showers him with kisses. He’d rather she show her admiration in more intimate ways, but she flutters away.

Jorge has come to talk to Soledad while Beto is at Candy’s (while Candy is handcuffed to Pat in the bondage cottage). Jorge was hoping to see Beto. Even though he’s not the bio dad, Beto is still very important to him. That’s why he hasn’t even shown his face in a few months.

Candy tells Pat, “You promised me a magic day, and the only magic I see has four legs and is called a bed. This isn’t what I call magic.” She asks him to remove the handcuffs (esposas) so she can leave, and he refuses. She’s getting more worried about how this magic day will turn out. They struggle over the key, and he “accidentally” throws it out the conveniently open window. Later the workman reports that he couldn’t find the key. Candy calls her house but Meño’s not home. She tells Gregoria that Pat handcuffed her; Suegrita hangs up on her. I’m thinking she should call Santiago and let the boys “talk” it out.

I’m finding this storyline so repulsive, I don’t even want to think about it. I beg your indulgence; for the most part I’ll report the facts and nothing else for the rest of this situation. I’ll leave it to you readers to rant about it.

Pat reminds Candy of their first time together. On the phone, the locksmith tells Pat he can’t come out because they are on strike. At least that’s what Pat reports to Candy. She feels the need for a call-of-nature break. (How is it that in 80 episodes of Star Trek, nobody ever went to the bathroom, yet in Tontas there are at least two potty references in every episode?) Over dinner, Pat points out that things will be much easier when they live together without the handcuffs. Pat’s lines: I suffered so much without you. Candy’s lines: you slept with other women, even Soledad while we were planning the wedding.

Chayo tells Bárbara that Ed has really turned around. He comes home early every night. Barb suggests they take a mini-vacation this week, but Chayo says they can’t. Ed has an anesthesiologist conference in Cancun.

The abandonados are playing video games at the clubhouse. Ed brags that he’s been going home to his wife every single night (what does he want, a Dewey button?). Santi speculates, if he’s so faithful, why did invent a Cancun surgery conference? Amid blowing up Klingons, Metiche Raúl asks Santi whether he will keep his promise to give up Candy. Santi suggests that this is neither the time nor the place for this subject. Raúl says he would like to close that chapter and go forward with his life (e.g. pursue Candy?). Santi tells him that no one has yet been born who can tell him how to live his life. They tussle, and Carlos tells them no fighting in the clubhouse, at least not until they can lay bets. Santi leaves in a huff, and Sven is about to lay into Raúl for messing with his buddy.

Barb stops by Chayo’s while Ed is at the clubhouse. Barb says she looked into it; there is no conference in Cancun. Chayo realizes that Ed is back to his old ways.

Pat and Candy are drinking wine by the fire, and he’s flattering her for her beauty. Anger gone, she is charmed by it all. (Note, when Santiago rented a restaurant for a private date and flattered her, she accused him of just trying to get her to bed. When Pat holds her prisoner, covers the bed with rose petals, and flatters her, she thinks he’s charming. Es el colmo – it’s the limit.) He asks her to tell him about when Chava was born.

Now it’s morning. They slept on cushions on the floor, with Pat’s jacket over Candy’s shoulders, and Pat behind Candy spoon-style. How did Pat remove his jacket while in handcuffs? Pat says he spent the night gazing at Candy. Candy calls Meño and asks him to get a locksmith. When he arrives, he reports that he couldn’t find a locksmith either. He teases them about spending the night together, and he snaps their picture. Meño leaves, hangs a Do Not Disturb sign on the door, and bribes the workman to not let anyone disturb the lovebirds. Whose side is he on, anyway?

Class, let’s review, shall we? Santiago’s idea of a magical date involves dancing in the moonlight to the sound of a renown singer who magically appears, and Candy is regaled by stories of legendary lovers linked eternally by destiny. Pat’s idea of a magical date involves holding Candy prisoner away from civilization, regaled by stories of how miserable and desperate Pat is. And Candy is CONFUSED??? She can’t decide which is a better choice? Give this girl a Nobel Prize for Stupid! And while we’re at it, considering Santiago’s choice of Paulina, Marissa, and Candy, I say he deserves the premio for Worst Taste in Women. But Televisa doesn’t give premios based on merit, as he well knows.

Raúl grumbles to a buddy that Santiago is still chasing Candy, and Raúl wants her for himself. The buddy counsels Raúl that Mar is a big girl; Raul should let her solve her problems herself. Likewise his fruitless desire for Candy – he needs to let that go too. The buddy has something to distract Raúl. It’s a new venture: partnership in a radio program. It could be very lucrative. (Does anyone recognize the buddy? Was he Ascanio in Pasion?) Marissa is delighted at the thought of her own radio program, until Raúl points out one little problem – it’s for Marissa and Candy. The more he describes the venture, the more he talks about Candy. And the more Marissa gets annoyed. She suggests (or demands?) that instead of getting Candy radio shows, he should conquistarla so she leaves Santiago alone.

In surgery, Ed asks Santi for private use of the recovery room that afternoon. He has a date and doesn’t want to take her to the clubhouse because taking a girl to an apartment for a first date seems a bit too presumptuous, even to a cad like Ed. Santiago suggests the couch. “The one in your consultorio?” Ed asks.

“No, the one in your own apartment, with your own wife, where you belong!” Santi tells Ed he’s a hopeless case; he’ll never learn.

Speaking of people who don’t learn from their mistakes, Meño shows Santiago the photo and tells him that Candy spent the night with her ex-widower. She’s doing this as a desperate attempt to forget Santiago, he explains. He wants Santiago to get jealous and angry enough to amarrárse los calzones (hitch up his knickers, put on the big boy panties) and actually take action to win Candy before it’s too late. Meño makes sure Santi gets a good close look at the picture. “Doesn’t she look content?” Santi suggests, “Le está echando mucho crema a sus tacos” – you’re embellishing the story quite a bit. If he wants to get Santi angry, it’s working. The question is, will the anger lead to action or will Santi just give up?

Chayo comes to the clinic to talk to Ed. Hortensia wants to announce her, but Chayo says she’ll surprise him. Boy Howdy, does she! Ed is in consultation with a patient. Consultation includes smothering himself in her neck and pulling down her spaghetti straps. When he sees Chayo, he says, “It’s not what it looks like. I can explain.” And the check is in the mail. And this won’t hurt a bit. And I love your new haircut.

Back at the gingerbread cottage, Pat says, “I love you.”
Candy answers, “You betrayed me.”
Pat repeats, “I love you.”
Candy begs him to stop, because she doesn’t want to suffer again. “Don’t hurt me again.”

Tomorrow:
Pat and Candy share a passionate kiss.
Alicia blackmails Pat’s dad, Arturo.
Santiago is losing his grip.

Vocabulary
echarle la sal a alguien – to jinx someone
echarle mucha crema a sus tacos – to exaggerate a story, or be conceited
amarrárse los calzones - hitch up one’s knickers, quit being a wimp. I confess, Meño did not use that phrase, but it perfectly expresses what he did say.

Labels: Tontas