Caray, Caray!

April Fools' Day! (Yes, the title is complete bull.)

Ahoy all, I switched nights with our own Burning Baby Buns tonight (Fuego de Rosca de Reyes) who is at a concert.

From last night: Chef Pat announces he's staying at Candy's house (that would be Meño's house) for a while. Meño and Greg take Candy aside and ask...oops bad edit, all of a sudden we're looking at a fountain in the middle of town...and right back to Meño and Greg giving Candy a hard time. Candy thinks she needs to give Pat a chance and Chava a family. Can he stay can he can he? Meño asks, are you in love with Pat? Candy thinks so. Meño presses, "no thinking, it's yes or no". Candy refuses to answer.

And now, tonight: Chayo and Lalo negotiate over a bottle of wine. She amuses them by pretending to execute Candy's threat, snip snip with the giant scissors on Lalo's privates. She says he needs terápia for his illness. He is like Michael Doooglas the North American, not in looks but in behavior; he has the sexopath illness. (I guess David Duchovny is not on their radar.) Lalo guffaws so Chayo simplifies things...if he wants to stay with her he visits Barbara, if he doesn't, forget it.

Beto asks Sole, when his dad moves in with Chava can he visit every day? Sole is impactada, when is this supposed to happen? Beto doesn't know, but why is his papa moving in with Chava and not with them?

Now we have that thing where they do short edits back and forth signifying that Candy and Santi the star-crossed lovers lovers are agonizing over each other at the same time. Team Candy is having dinner; Patricio overenthusiastically serves up pasta while Candy recalls Meño telling her the plastic doctor will be the love of her life. Flip to Team Santiago having dinner and him thought bubbling that the inevitable happened, the women met her prior love, felt a little tickling in her occiput, went back to the first love and left this man (Santi) alone; he sighs. Flip back to Candy who tells herself no more thinking about Dr. Plastico, Chava needs his papa. Back to Santi who tells himself he'll be with Marissa but he'll be alone, very alone.

The two witches pick up their phones:
Witch #1 Mariloca calls Santi to tell him she wants her partnership money. She's bored and doesn't want to be his partner anymore.

Witch #2 Malicia calls Candy demanding to know where Pat is. She scowls when Candy replies "living here in my house". (Yes, she said "MY" house.)

Candy arrives at work to find the Institutas milling aimlessly in the empty office. Marissa moved all the furniture out, including the stuff that Isa bought. They're all in a dither until Candy finds a note..."Remember the institute is in my name. I advise you to dedicate yourself to something else. Try table dancing, you have the employees. Love Marissa."

Chayo bellyaches they'll be "teiboleras" (that's how the CC spelled it). Sweet, thoughtful Lulu asks what about the clients? Candy tears the letter up and asks if they believe in miracles. They'll start from zero. They'll throw a party for themselves, their past clients, their clients and their friends. It will be a party to celebrate their new work, the miracle of being a woman and not dying in the attempt. (Here is a movie/book with the same title. I wonder which came first, the movie/book or the saying?)

The three cute kids are at school trying to wrap their little heads around the new living arrangements. They decide that even though Beto doesn't always return what Chava loans him, if Chava loans him his dad Beto will return him because he's Beto's dad too so he would just loan him back. At least I think that's what they said. It makes more sense than half the stuff that comes out of the alleged grownups' mouths.

Candy's miracle plan is that they will paint the Instituto lavender to get rid of Marissa's bad vibes. Ceci the feminist asks why doesn't Candy just borrow the money from Pat?

Santi walks Rocio home from school. He tries to casually slip in the question, did Candy meet Chava at school? Nope, his father picked him up because he's living with them now. Santi stutters, they're living in HIS house? Rocio spells it out for him slowly and clearly, the papa lives in the house of the mama.

Santi calls Candy and she tells him that Mariloca took all the furniture and the name of the Instituto. He says Mar told him she no longer wants to be his partner and honestly he felt he could breathe again. He sings a few lines from The Circle of Life and blathers about her relationship with Pat, it's natural she wants to be with her husband. She observes that he's hurt. (Duh, bitch.) He tries to pooh pooh, hangs up and almost...almost throws his phone. Donato appears and volunteers his shoulder in friendship. Santi says he thought he and Candy really had something. Instead of killing the phone he kicks the doorjamb and injures his toe, poor baby. Don says he'll give him a foot massage later.

Everybody's working so it's Sven's job to feed Chava tonight. He made him a triple decker sandwich which he he cuts in pieces while they talk with their mouths full. Gross, but it looked like they were having fun.

Pato comes home, scolds them for talking with full mouths, and digs into the communal sandwich. Chava asks if they can get Beto from Doña Cuca's house and all do their homework together. (I always laugh when they mention Doña Cuca..."Cuanto por las nachas Dona Cuca?")

Candy and Barb discover Marissa's hidden camera attached to Candy's wall. Well duh, Mariloca took everything out of the room so why wouldn't Candy see it? Our little witch is evil but she's also stupid. Marissa watches from her laptop as Candy rips the camera off the wall.

When Candy calls to yell at her Marissa denies it, "you're not that important" and gleefully boasts, "You lost your column and you lost your business, yes Raul is stopping your column. I'm going to win, I'm going to destroy you and then I'm going to be with Santiago, by sweetie!" Then she mutters she's going to make Candy pay for the camera. Dang she's bad!

Alicia, clad in a Bed Bath and Beyond shower curtain including the rings, tells Patricio she's giving him up not for Candy but because she loves him and wants him to be happy. "Thanks" he tells her as he tries to beat a hasty retreat. She reminds him he promised to help her out with that baby biz. I'm going to stop here to point out that whoever dresses Alicia should either get an award or be shot. Her clothes are hideous but she always seems to look fantastic in them.

Raul visits the orange and lavender instituto. Candy pulls him into her office and makes him fess up; yep he confirms that he will no longer publish her column, does she want to have dinner? She's pretty gracious about it, ignores his invite, thanks him for the opportunity and says she'll look for another magazine, but he should get help for his sister. "I know," he admits, "but sometimes it's difficult."

The next visitor is Lalo. He's there to see Barb for terápia. He tells her that Chayo thinks he's a sexopath. Barb flings herself at him, throws him against the wall and starts kissing him! Whoa...it's only a sexopath's daydream. He shakes it off as Barb stands in front of him, arms akimbo, "Are you OK?" Lalo says he'll see her first thing in the morning for his appointment.

The next man up is Santi. He's come to tell Candy he's sorry for the phone call and he's a good loser. He wants to tell her something to her face so she won't hear it through the grapevine, he's going to marry Marissa for the baby and because she's loco en la cabeza and needs help. Candy is muy pero muy impactada. Santi explains he'll marry Marissa and after she has the baby he'll have her declared insane. What does Candy think? (Sounds like a good plan to me.) Candy uses this as an opportunity to talk about herself. Santi says they are both making hard decisions, friends? Yes, friends, she sadly agrees. (But on the bright side, now that Santi is back with Marissa Candy will want to renew her relationship with him, verdad?)

Art shows up at Meño's restaurant looking for Gregoria. He tells Greg that Margarita for sure wants to divorce him. She invites him to go to the park with her and his two grandkids.

Two too-long talks:
#1 - Candy gives her client frigid Marta a long pep talk. Candy is all over this woman, she keeps forcing Marta to face the mirror to convince herself she's a woman and worthy. "The word pleasure is not bad." Whatever. She reassures Marta that she and Barb will help her.

#2 - Santi and a beautiful patient named Paty I think have a long talk about bubis and a bunch of other crap. It's basically a repeat of the conversation where she's talking about one thing and he another but he's paying better attention this time. I guess she's getting a bubi job and wants to make sure she'll maintain her, um, sensitivity if you know what I mean. The scene seems pointless but it's amusing. Hey, is this the same babe that Paula tried to hook Santi up with a week or so ago? She's quite the looker.

Greg and Art take Chayo and Beto to a restaurant. Apparently it's a ruse to get Greg to have coffee with him because he gives the boys a ball and tells them to go out to play. He tells her the fire with Margarita was extinguished completely, not even the ashes remain. She says she admires Margarita for leaving him because she knew Clemente had other women and she did nothing. She's always been afraid to face life without a man. (nudge nudge wink wink say no more) He takes her hand in sympathy and she snatches it away prudishly. He says he likes her skin. Horndog.

Back to the plastic doctor and his patient Paty, she's decided to go ahead and have the surgery. Paty gives Santi a hug (Paula did you see!?) just as Lalo peeks in the office. Lalo rings the bell, kisses Paty's hand and checks out her ass.

Santi tells Lalo he's going to get married. "To Candy, congratulations!!!" shouts Lalo. "Uh no, TO MARISSA!" Santi screams to a shocked Lalo. Santi tries to explain his reasoning and we discover exactly how to shut Lalo up once and for all.

Marta tells Candy that things went well with Barbara. Candy advises Marta to be strong in her journey of discovery. I wonder how much Marta had to pay for this stunning advice? I'll bet peyote would have been cheaper.

Art and Granny Gogo bring the boys home. Art's a fart but at least he treats them equally. Art tells Greg goodbye and "casually" brushes her arm. After he leaves, Meño tells Greg he doesn't know how she feels about Art but he can tell she's afraid of whatever it is she feels for him. Excuse me, but considering he pretty much offed her husband I think this whole plot line is just creepy.

Isa finds Santi sitting alone in his kid's treehouse. He looks sad and...OK I'll say it, he looks hawt!! Oops, sorry doctor Plastisco. He tells her he's going to get married. Isa's another one who thinks he's speaking of Candy, and she's another one who is shocked to hear he intends to marry Marissa. Santi explains, for like the fifth time tonight, that his friend the psychologist has advised he do this to protect his child. Isa wants to think he's pulling a prank on her but she can tell by his look that it's something else entirely.

Back at Casa Meño Not Candy the family enjoys another happy meal together. They support Candy in her new business endeavor. And hey, for the first time Gregoria makes a funny. She says she she'll ask the Virgin of Zapopan to help and the Virgin has never failed her; once she asked for a rich husband and she sent Candy's father, ja ja ja ja ja! Candy brings Pat up to speed on the whole being a woman is a miracle deelio. She educates Pat that being a man can also be a miracle but being a macho is a disgrace. Yawn.

Santi is at Mari's apartment and she smugly inquires what does he have to say that's so important? He glumly mutters that he wants her to be his wife. Wow, what a proposal. She can barely force herself to look impactada.



El milagro de ser mujer y no morir en el intento = The miracle of being a woman and not dying in the attempt
Mala vibras = Bad vibes
Sexopata = Sexopath
Siente cosquillita por ahi en el occipucio = S/he felt a little tickle in the back of her head (occiput)
Teiboleras = Table dancers
Terápia = Therapy
Un sandwich de tres pisos = Triple decker sandwich (Lit. a sandwich of three floors)
Voy a hacer pedazos a ti = I'm going to destroy you (Lit. make little bits of you)
Ya ni cenizas quedan = Not even the ashes remain

Labels: Tontas