Caray, Caray!

Lili is playing chess with Ciro as Bravo walks into the room to check on her. (What? Is that a bit of softening around the old bastardo’s crinklin’ eyes?)

The glum and gloomy Gonzo is now in the library of the hacienda consoling himself by knockin’ back a shot or three of some Gran Patrón Platinum when Camilo knocks on the door to introduce him to his betrothed, the lovely Loafly Norton, now dressed in shiny blue mini-chic and spiked ankle boots –not exactly the version of the girl next door Cad’s papi probably had in mind. From the way Gonzo strains to keep that upside-down frown from doing a 180 on his face, it’s pretty obvious that this idealized female stereotype was a bit more than our unhappy papi should have expected from his mental midget of a middle son, Cad. (Oh well, she is supposed to be Norton’s niece and that’s got to be a plus at least.) Gonzo asks them to hold off on the wedding till the situation with Lili is settled, but of course, Cad needs it spelled out for him. Gonzo hisses in his face. “That means your wedding is subject to Lili finally returning home again!” (Duh!) Cad takes an extra minute for the neurons to fire up and the words to process. This was not exactly the response he’d hoped to get from dear ol’ dotin’ Daddy.

In town at the convent meanwhile, Aurora fills in the mother superior on her conversation with la Sra. Barbara. Naïvely, Rory feels la Sra.’s strange reaction to her story and to her pregnancy was because she was angry that Rory and Santiago had been having sex without the benefit of marriage. (Ha! That’s a good one!) The very cloistered mother superior can only sympathize.

Barbara of the bad seed drives towards Bravo’s and continues sniveling over Bravo’s trickery and deceit. She swears that nothing and no one, not even the Elizalde’s, will snatch her daughter or her grandchild away from her now.

Outside the hacienda, Cad apologizes to Loafly, aka Venus, for the way his father acted. He thinks it’s ridiculous to make them wait until his crazy sister returns home since that very likely will never happen. Venus chides him for speaking so rudely about his sister. (Two points for that one, Venus.) She deftly turns the conversation back to the two of them and starts wheedling and cajoling Cad to get him to agree to elope. To Cad’s credit, he seems uncertain about going against his daddy’s wishes.

Across the way at Lili’s ex-abode, Estev asks Martina for help in trying to make Venus see the error of her ways. “Doesn’t she understand she can’t marry Camilo Elizalde?” Martina agrees they have to try to make Venus see reason, but her friend is as stubborn as a mule, she says. Martina is not sure what she can do to stop it, but she’s determined to try.

Back at the hacienda Cad tells “Loafly” that she is not the same little frightened girl he thought he knew. Venus improvises and tells Cad he helped her change by helping her see the truth about her “uncle” not really loving anybody more than he loves himself and she is desperate to be free of him. Cad says he’s now the one who is afraid, but adds that he also feels her uncle appears to really be worried for her. Venus tearfully tells him that it isn’t love, but the fact that she’s only a creation of “her uncle’s”. Her “uncle” is proud of what he’s succeeded in making her, which is something she really is not. It’s unclear if the wheels are actually turning in that tiny blob of Elizalde gray-matter or if it’s just that breakfast didn’t settle well.

Martina finally explains to Estev that Venus’ problem is she fell in love with him and is only marrying Camilo Elizalde out of spite. Estev (gawd knows why) struggles with this.

At Las Animas, the FBI analyst assures Eduardo that the results of the tests he did with the recording from Lili show that she was relaxed and did not make the recording under duress. Nobody forced her to say what she did. This puts a new wrinkle into things for Eddie.

Barb arrives back at Artemio Bravo’s manse. She finds it a bit interesting that Lili is actually managing to get along pretty well with Bravo. He says Lili is doing fine there and is actually pleased with himself over it. He remarks that it’s strange to think that Lili would be the first to know the truth about the Elizalde’s and then informs her that he’s decided he is going to keep Lili with him. Barbara, who wants no part of her, is surprised he actually wants to look after Gonzalo Elizalde’s daughter and says as much. Bravo answers that since God didn’t see fit to give him children he’s going to gladly accept his niece as a gift from the Devil.

Barbara changes the subject to tell him that they’ve got something else they need to do right away. She explains that Franco Santoro has turned into a valuable ally and has helped them keep the Elizalde’s right where they need them. Bravo is intrigued by this. She says it’s because Santoro is ambitious. “We need to keep him on our side. Santoro, apart from winning over Fernanda Elizalde, also gained Gonzalo Elizalde’s trust and managed to convince the old fool not to bring the police in on Lili’s disappearance.” She lies to Bravo and tells him that as a condition to continue his alliance with them that Santoro has made the demand to see Lili. This immediately throws Bravo for a loop.

Venus finally returns home to Lili’s and tells Martina she’s still determined to marry Cad. Martina says she cannot understand why Venus insists on getting married “to such a louse.” Even if Venus wants to, Martina reminds her, she’d need to have documents proving she was really Lovely Norton and she doesn’t. Once Camilo caught her in the lie all Hell would break loose. Venus admits she hadn’t thought about that but says it doesn’t matter. She’s going to marry him anyway and tell him the truth, all of it, down to the very last detail. Martina knows that nothin’ good’s gonna come from that kind of idiocy but Venus refuses to listen any further.

On the drive back to the hacienda Barbara calls Fr/Ed to let him know about the meeting she set up for him with the man who has Lili; she admits she did it because she wants Fr/Ed to meet her enemy and says no, the man didn’t raise a single objection. “When do I meet him?” “—Very soon. I will tell you when you must go to meet Artemio Bravo.” Eduardo is breath-sucking impactado to hear that name because, as we all know, he has wanted this for so long he can taste it. He licks his lips in anticipation. (Note to director: This anticipatory lip-licking seems a bit bizarre. Next time maybe consider a little macho fist-balling and knuckle-cracking, huh?)

When Barb finally returns to the hacienda, Santi runs out to get the rundown on the meet between her and Aurora. Viewerville shares a collective skin crawl as Babs oh-so-sympathetically grabs Santiago’s hand and they walk out back to discuss it privately. (Ugh! A firm hand on the arm would have done nicely, thank you very much!)

A bit later, Martina tells Venus she has the feeling that one day Lili will finally return to the house. Venus says hopefully Martina’s hunch is right. Martina can’t stand it any longer and tries to make Venus see the forest in those trees. She warns her friend that if she opens up with the truth to Camilo Elizalde she’ll be hanging herself. Venus says the only way she’s going to be able to marry him is if she tells him the truth. Martina says he’s expecting to marry “Loafly Norton”, the American millionaire’s niece, not Venus (as in the manhandled merchandise of multitudinous muddied male inebriates). Martina tries to make her see that the minute Camilo Elizalde learns the truth he’s going to look at her like she’s a piece of trash (and with the buzzsaw that Viewerville assumes will come after—being called trash will be the least of it). Venus is defiantly adamant. “You wanna bet?”

Babs finally admits to Santiago that she lied about Aurora leaving the hacienda with an older man, and that she lied about that in order to protect him. (Uh…yeah. Riiiight. Viewerville straps in.)

Fr/Ed, meanwhile, arrives at Grupo Lactos with the results of the analysis of Lili’s recording. Speaking of buzzsaws, he runs into Gardenia at Reception and asks if Fer’s in. Denia makes a big to do saying that Fer just got back from eating and is now in her office with her husband before putting a call through to Fer to let her know he’s there. Fer takes the call and Damian gets extremely testy when she explains that Santoro needs to speak with her. He limps out of the office in a big jealous huff. In the reception area testosterone fills the air. Like a couple of Siamese fighting fish Dam glares at Fr/Ed and Fr/Ed, standing his ground, glares right back at Dam, though he does seem to be a bit puzzled at the suddenly open hostility. (I thought BB was supposed to take care of that male ego of Dam’s. The gal is definitely slippin'.)

Back at the hacienda Babs helps steel Santiago’s jumbled nerves with a shot or two of the Gran Patrón before she lets him have it between the eyes.

In Fernanda’s office Fr/Ed gives Fer the results of the analysis. He tells her it shows Lili was not forced to say what she did on the tape. “There was no coercion. It was spontaneous. ” Fernanda is shattered. “—Then, she hates us. She really hates us. She really doesn’t want to see us again.” Fer immediately blames herself. (It’s just her nature I guess.) Fr/Eduardo runs over to comfort her but she cringes and screams at him not to touch her. Whoa!! Fr/ed cannot understand the change in her and asks what’s going on. Fernanda blows off at Fr/Ed and spouts something like proving Lili can’t stand them any longer is apparently no big deal for him but it certainly is to her. He says that he can understand, but he wonders why she’s so angry with him.

Like any jealous, smarting, self-respecting female, Nanda side-steps the truth and pretends she doesn’t know what Fr/Ed’s talking about just so she can egg him on into stumbling over his…er… oversized appendage before beating him over the head with it over what she assumes happened and allowing him to tumble into the abyss of sexual consequence. Fr/Ed is totally clueless and ventures dangerously close to the edge. “I may be wrong, but since the last time I saw you I have the distinct impression that something happened and that you’re really upset with me.” (Why are these alpha-males so slow on the uptake when female hormones are involved?) Fernanda just stares at that third eye in the middle of his forehead and fumes.

Once Santiago has downed enough tequila, Barb tells him that she found Rory in bed with another man. Santi is heart-in-his-mouth-impactado. Silent rage begins to eat at him.

Back in Fer’s office, she circles around Fr/Ed and tells him she’s incensed at his lack of tact. She admonishes him for the sly way he’s taking liberties with her (she wishes) with these little meetings of his just because Damian’s walked out of the office for a bit. He takes two steps further forward “to clarify that “these little meetings” of theirs in no way were meant to harm her marriage. This just gets Fernanda even angrier. He clams up. (Dunno. Maybe Fr/Ed’s sense of survival in the business world in the era of harassment law-suits probably kicked in.) Fer goes into this lengthy explanation of how these meetings can’t help but make the problems she’s having with her marriage even worse.

Now it’s Fr/Ed’s turn to get snippy and he sarcastically tells Fernanda that she doesn’t know how sorry that makes him because like it or not, they’ll have to continue meeting with one another until her sister’s rescued and they decide to make public everything that they’ve been keeping secret up to now. Fer says she understands that perfectly. Fr/Ed says great, and if it’s all the same to her, he’ll just head for her daddy’s and give him the results of the recording himself. (Of course, the two of them would really rather be going at it like a couple of minks right then and there and the Devil take the hindmost.) He leaves. She throws the chair at the door in utter frustration and then paces a few times while cursing him –if not her own suffocating and hopeless situation with that albatross, Damian --under her breath.

Meanwhile, Santiago demands the name of the man Babs caught Rory with in bed. Babs toys with him and refuses to say. She claims she won’t say because she wants to protect Santi. Santi loses his temper (finally!) and sneers that this is just another one of the shady things she’s cooked up to separate him from Aurora. He’s sure Barbara took advantage of his being out of the house to run Rory off and says that’s why Rory took refuge at the convent. (Trust your instincts, Santi Boy!) Babs sweetly says he’s got it all wrong. He counters that he knows her better than that and he knows what she’s capable of. That face of the understanding stepmother she’s wearing is not going to work this time on him. “They call you La Hiena for a reason!!” Babs acts hurt. She replies ever so meekly. “—This is the way you repay me for all I’ve done for you?” “--You’re not going to continue to manipulate me! I’m not like my father or my brothers who believe all your tricks!”

Bitch Barbie has had enough. She slams her fist on the table and tries to string him along with another pack of lies. (Really makes you wonder if the woman simply cannot help herself or just refuses to take the blame. Probably a bit of both.) “Enough insults! If I don’t tell you his name it’s because I don’t know it and neither does Aurora. He was some farmer she met in the town square. She took advantage of the hacienda being empty and brought him back.” He screams at her now that he’s had enough! “—No Santiago! Now you’re going to listen to me! It’s not right for you to continue suffering for a woman who was shameless enough to cheat on you in our own house. (Arghh! Now it’s Viewerville’s turn at screaming “Enough!” Cats and dogs everywhere go scampering for the nearest chair or table to hide under.) --That’s why I myself threw her out!” Santiago yells back that he doesn’t believe her because it’s the third story she’s given him about Aurora and each time it’s different! BB says then the only solution is to go ask Rory himself and he obviously knows where to find her! He races off to take her up on it. She tells herself that whatever it takes she’s going to get Santiago Elizalde out of the picture.

Fer gets ready to leave Grupo. Dam asks her what happened with Santoro. She tells him he left for the hacienda to take the results of the recording’s analysis to her father. She didn’t go with him because she’s going to the cheese fair. Dam asks if he can go with her to the fair and she, rather impressed and surprised, says sure. He lies and ingratiatingly offers that he didn’t want to let her go alone when this event was so important for her.

Meanwhile, Anyballs (whom we now know really doesn’t have any to speak of, thanks to a boyhood mishap consisting of an unfortunate encounter with a log) shows up at Vlad’s apartment and demands to know everything about the affair in detail. (Lordy, is this guy the kind who only gets his kicks vicariously?) Vlad asks if Prissy said anything about it to him or if AB complained to her about it at all. AB says no so Vlad asks why he wants to bother with details then. Anyballs says he wants to have a reason to kill the both of them. (Viewerville sucks in its breath.) Vlad doesn’t quite know whether to take that threat literally or not.

Back at the Elizalde’s, Santi peels out of the driveway in his jeep just as Fr/Ed shows up with the results of the voice analysis. BB makes a snide remark about it and then tells Fr/Ed she’s supposes that Lili no doubt turned out sounding very happy. Fr/Ed says warily, “Not happy, but they definitely did not force her.” She tells him he can find Gonzo in the library. “You know the way.” She walks off.

Back at Vlad’s, Anyballs starts peppering poor Vladi with questions. “When did you meet Priscila? --How many times did you see each other? --Didn’t it matter that she was married? --When did you suggest that you sleep together? --Where did you do it? Here? “ Vlad hardly has time to answer and he refuses to give AB the intimate details of their relationship. (Two points, Vladi.) Anyballs grabs Vlad by the collar then and demands to know how Vlad is so sure Pris’s kid is his. Vlad explains about the fertility clinic test results Pris dropped on the floor the first time she was there. Anibal tries to buy him off but Vlad says he loves Pris, who is the most marvelous woman he’s ever known, and vows that neither his love for her nor his son are for sale. (Sentiments and notions totally alien to the likes of Anyballs who is nothing more than a neutered dog in a manger at this point, but isn’t bright enough to have figure that out yet, perhaps.)

Fr/Ed hands Don Gonzo the results just as Fer and Dam enter the house. Gonzo says they show that Lili’s message wasn’t forced. Dam tries to get into a pissin’ contest over the results with Fr/Ed and challenges the ex-FBI agent Fr/Ed used. Dam wonders how sure they can be of his results. Fr/Ed tells him there is only a 3% margin of error. Gonzo is upset with the results and leaves, a broken man. Fr/Ed tells Fer if she needs anything else she can count on him and then leaves the two of them alone. Dam tries to get Fer to get another opinion using one of his own contacts in the state police. Fer refuses and says it’s up to her father to decide what to do with the results. Dam snarls that Gonzo now only listens to Santoro but that Santoro doesn’t give a flip about her sister. (Like we all know Damian really does….) He insists that he wants to call his friend but again Fer refuses. Dam loses his temper at her and screams back at her that the only one the family listens to for advice anymore seems to be Franco Santoro! He starts to limp off, his male ego battered, bleeding and soaked in piss. Fer calls him back, saying that they need to talk. He looks over his shoulder at her like he’d rather use that cane on her than talk to her.

Back at the apartment again, Anibal gets into his own macho match with Vlad and claims they can’t be sure Pris didn’t go to bed with somebody else besides him. Vlad struggles a moment with self-doubt, then recovers and says he doesn’t believe that for an instant. AB says she was only interested in getting what she wanted and it didn’t matter who the father was. All Pris wanted was for the bastard to have the Elizalde family name. Vlad isn’t quite sure what to believe at this point. Anibal smiles. (This guy has learned to machinate from years observing a master. Guess she taught him pretty well, but then Moansie’s boys would sort o' be naturals, wouldn’t they?)

Back in the living room of the hacienda Fer tries reasoning with Dam. He’s tired of trying to be understanding. He’s also tired of being married to a woman who’s refused to let him touch her since the day they got married. (Whoa!! Hubby’s showing a little male solidarity here. It’s the principle of the thing, of course.) “What? Do you think I should ask Santoro if it’s okay with him if we make love?” His sarcastic remark hits a bulls-eye. Fernanda reacts like a disappointing goody two-shoes. “—Damian, we aren’t going to have a relationship this way.” Dam loses it again. “—Of course we aren’t going to have a relationship!! It’s not possible for a solution if a wife refuses a husband the right to live as man and wife!” She says she’s not suggesting a “solution” (huh?) but he insists that he is. “—And I assure you that I’m going to assert my rights!” He turns his back on her and walks away. (Fish or cut bait, Fernanda. This situation is gettin’ out of hand and you’re on the losing end.) Fer looks queezy after this heated little exchange.

We bounce back to Vladimir’s apartment in media res. Vlad’s telling Anyballs he’s got to be demented to ask him what he’s asking him to do. “Just go home.” AB smiles evilly and say Vlad doesn’t have a choice and suggests that they keep this little visit between the two of them till he has a chance to figure things out in detail and comes back with something specific that would allow the both of them to come out benefitting. “I repeat that the success or failure of this deal is based on keeping Prisicila out of it.” Vlad tells AB that the only thing he wants is to get Pris back and to give his child a happy home. With that same crazy gleam in his eyes, AB tells him to consider it done.

Back at the hacienda, BB now looks on from the doorway to the library as Gonzo stares wretchedly out the window. She allows herself a smug smile before the mask goes back on. “Vida, do you want to talk?” Babs is dripping with sappy sympathy. He wants to know where she’s been. She answers she went for a drive to get her thoughts in order and then spent forever in the chapel praying. (What a layup.) Gonzo responds on cue. “Forgive me my love. I’ve been going through hell because of your coldness.” “--No. You must forgive me.” She hugs him and coolly thinks to herself, “Very shortly I’m going to be free of your revolting soppiness, you doddering old man!”

A bit later everybody who is anybody in Villa Madero is at the local cheese producers’ fair. Eddie and Estev explain to Martina and Venus (in a painfully obvious PSA) the value of supporting the small local producers who otherwise cannot afford to compete with the larger brands. Dr. Carlos and Silvestre show up and join them. Martina introduces Carlos to everyone as her fiancé. Silvestre notes the change in Venus. (Yawn.) FF>>

Ed then looks around and notices Fernanda as she excitedly prepares for her presentation to the crowd. He is obviously mesmerized by her. She looks up and smiles back broadly, apparently happy to be the apple of his eye again. Suddenly she sees Errika and her parents walking up behind Fr/Ed. She watches as Err grabs Fr/Ed by surprise and they kiss “hello.” Fernanda’s smile fades and the magic of the moment is lost.