Caray, Caray!

Alternate title: Ximena stars in her telenovela within a telenovela.


Jero tries to borrow money from Rolu but Rolu couldn't care less about Jero and his personal or money problems. Rolu chases Jero out and catches sight of a shapely tush. Sorpre!! (But no surprise for us, we already know it's Ximena.)

Well, Mau and Coni did it, bleck. She asks, nay demands, that in respect to her position as his wife he maintain the charade until their divorce. (Doesn't make sense to me but whatever.) Mau leaves in disgust and Coni smiles her smug little victory smile. Grrrrr, trouble's a-brewing.

Nurse Ximena is drowning Rolu in kisses. He pushes her away and whines that she's not properly trained. Xime tells Rolu that she has all the tools to help in his recovery. The actor playing Rolando can barely keep from cracking up in this scene. She starts to play doctor by listening to his heart with her little stethoscope, whacking his knee just a little too hard with her little reflex hammer ("you have very bad reflexes"), and finally whipping out the "perfect" medical tool, she will take his temp with a horse thermometer. "Relax"...and ay ay ay she naughtily slips the thermometer under the sheets as Rolu howls.

The big Mau family is having a fairly civil breakfast. Jacqui suggests that they get some help for Tere since there are so many of them, but Coni tells Jacqui to butt out of the household business because soon it will no longer concern her. Does Mau want to tell them the happy news? Pleased, Mau announces that he and Coni are going to split up and the kids are staying with him. Everybody except Coni is positively ecstatic. It must be hard to maintain one's dignity when the entire household is so obviously overjoyed at one's impending departure.

Over at the barrio Moni runs into a hung over Beto with a towel hung over his head. She scolds him for drinking to forget and why did he do it? Don't lie, she knows him too well. It was for la momia, right? Beto explodes and tells Moni not to mention that perfidious woman, that damned harpy!

Estrella has a new dress, a hot little red number. Moni raves about it but points out Don Cesar's not going to be happy if she shows up and distracts the guys in the gym. Estrella says she dreamt about La Furia last night. "Me too", mutters Moni.

Mau drops the overjoyed kids off at school and Luisa gives him something, it's a note that Monita gave Luisa to give to him. He shoves it in his pocket and makes them promise not to look for Moni. He doesn't want any problems with Coni or anything to get in the way of them being together. Ominous music plays as he drives away. Uh oh, Aldo runs back down the school steps and heads off down the street.

Over at the lingerie store Jacqui is congratulating Coni on her wise decision and impending financial windfall due to the divorce. Xime joins Coni and Jacqui and proceeds to tell them three things. One, her own marriage is in danger of 5, 4, 3, 2, boom, being over. Two, she's looking for ways to rescue it but she's not asking Coni's advice because Coni should get advice, not give it. Three, she can't remember if she removed the thermometer she put in Rolu. Jacqui looks intrigued. Crabby Coni isn't in the mood to listen to Xime's stupidities and tells her so. Jacqui suggests that Xime be a good influence on Coni, why can't she just divorce her husband and take all his money?

Coni cuts to business and says she wants to tell them something together because they are the only ones who know she's pregnant. She reveals her dastardly plot, she has no intentions of divorcing Mau and she slept with him last night because she wants him to think the baby is his. Xime tries to hide her eyes from this hideous news.

Meanwhile Estrella and Moni are hanging out in front of the gym discussing Estrella's plans to add a male mantis to her insect collection. La Furia parks his bike while Monita grins and Estrella seductively shakes her bootie. Furia says hello to Monita and doesn't appear to notice the foxy lady in red. He and Moni promise to go to each other's fights and Estre finally sidles in and asks Hey what about me? She starts caressing his shoulders when Aldo appears, whips La Furia around and coldcocks him to the horror of the ladies. "You want Fury (Furia) Estrella? Well here he is!"

Jacqui can't understand why Coni insists on battling to keep Mauricio. Xime interrupts and says she doesn't exactly understand what they are talking about. Jacqui spells it out, Coni is preggers by another man and wants Mau to think he's the father. Xime is impactada and comments that it's so low! But it's also very creative like in a telenovela. However in telenovelas the truth always gets discovered. Neither Jacqui nor Xime want to be a part of Coni's telenovela.

Back at the gym Aldo puts his foot on Furia's chest and refuses to let him get up. Estrella gives him girlie slaps and tells him to beat it, she's with a real man. Moni pulls Aldo away while Furia pulls himself together. Ineresting for him, how will he deal with his son without revealing his true identity?

Jacqui tries to talk sense into Coni but Xime tells her not to bother, Coni is very slow about comprehending certain things. Coni tells Xime to shut up and Xime passionately yells back "No you shut your own mouth for once, and find yourself another friend to keep your dirty secrets!" Wow, did our Xime just yell? She calmly tells Coni to stop giving her bad vibes and she has three things to say. One, Mao Tse Tung has to know what she's doing to him. Two, she's going to tell him. Three, (pulls lingerie off rack) where did Coni find the adorable ensemble? Coni wants to tell Xime just one thing, if Ximena opens her mouth she will kill her, no kidding she will KILL HER!

Moni is still holding Aldo back, she tries to explain that the green guy is a professional and could kick his butt. Furia calmy tells Aldo that Estre is a friend and shouldn't he be in school? This sets Aldo off again, I'm not a child! Moni finally lets him go, Aldo tries to take another swing at Furia, Furia ducks and spins Aldo over his head while the girls laugh and call him escuincle. (How humiliating!) Moni and Furia go inside and Aldo asks Estre how can she like that guy over him? She picks up Furia's jacket off the ground and of course the letter falls out. Aldo peeks at it and sees that it's Monita's letter "To Mauricio". Cara impactada de Aldo.

Inside the gym the ladies try to get Furia to lift up his mask just a little so they can clean his bloody boo-boo lip. No luck there. Don Cesar arrives and accuses Estrella of distracting Furia, and caray, caray what happened to Furia's face? Don Cesar tells Moni to get busy with practice and he kicks Estrella out of the gym once and for all.

Coni convinces Xime that if Xime betrays her she literally will kill her. Xime has goose bumps and says she no longer wants to be part of Coni's telenovela. Coni tells her it's more like a horror film, and if she can't kill Xime she'll kill her cousin Mauricio. All Xime has to do to save them is keep her mouth shut. Xime says if she is to be part of Coni's telenovela then here is her last line..."Get ready Constanza Lerdo de Tejana, because one day you will pay dearly for all the damage you are causing, one day and it's not far away, aja!!" Xime spins around to leave, her pony tail horizontal, then she grabs the dainty undies as her payment for silence and swooshes out dramatically, just like a real telenovela star!

Jacqui tells Coni that Coni is her daughter and she's on her side whether she agrees with her or not. Coni is all "sure sure, just tell me how much money you want to maintain your silence." Jacqui responds "finally we understand each other."

Unmasked Mau and Don Cesar are behind closed doors where DC can tend to Mau's wound (and what in the heck is hanging off Mau's lip?). Mau is mad that Aldo skipped school; DC points out the kid hides from school for the love of a woman just as Mau hides behind his mask for the love of a woman, where does the kid learn his tricks, eh? DC says Mau's bigger problem is that Estrella is falling for La Furia. Mau thinks he won't have to keep up the charade much longer because Coni is going to give him a divorce. However until he and Coni are divorced he can't let Monita know so he needs to keep his mask on.

Jero goes to the bar and finds Ximena there drinking and thinking. Hah thinking, he says, the day she thinks will be the end of the world. Jero is very interested to hear that Xime just saw his lady love Jacqui but Xime shuts him down. She has to concentrate on her problem to find a solution. Jero keeps telling Xime how stupid she is, whenever he thinks she couldn't possiby be more stupid, well she is! Xime says she suddenly remembers a message that Jacqueline had for Jero. It's trememndous and guess what it is?!? Tell me tell me tell me squeaks Jero jumping up and down excitedly in his seat! "Oh whoops, I'm so stupid I forgot it, byeeeee!" Our Ximena loves to play the dingbat but in reality she is quite a devious, almost sadistic, scamp.

Gabi brings cranky Sal some cinnamon tea. "What part of bring me nothing do you not understand?" he asks. She tells him fine, it's just a pretext so she can talk to him. What's up with him these days? What's up with his silence, his distance, his indifference? She's patient but she has her limits. He sighs and says he needs time. How much, she wants to know? For now he just wants to be alone. With his toupee. (Heh, I made up that last bit.) Gabi leaves, unsatisfied.

Nieves is getting bouncing baby boy Beto ready for school, er I mean work. She crosses him and wishes the sainted cross to protect her little angel from bad women and bad thoughts. Oh mama, you are SO way too late for that. Ivan hangs around and asks Beto if he can go to work with him, he wants to talk to Mauricio about something. Beto says sure as long as Ivan pays for the taxi. Beto is running late because his ma made him eat a big plate of chilaquiles with cheese, crema, onions, all sorts of things. "Don't forget to eat lunch!" Nieves yells after him.

Coni and Jacqui invade Grupo Sermeño. Gabi tells them it's nice to see Jacqui but she can't say the same about Coni. Jacqui tells Gabi no problem, she knows Coni has "sangre pesada", (heavy blood) i.e. a nasty disposition. Gabi continues to dis Coni after she flounces off. Jacqui sez no problem, she's her daughter and she knows her. Gabi should have known Coni as a kid. When she was ten she was stung by a scorpion. Luckily nothing happened to Coni but the poor scorpion died.

Gabi goes off to get some coffee for Jacqui. What should happen next but Jacqui runs into Sal, "You always end up in my arms, Salvador" she flirts.

Moni trains at the punching bag while Don Cesar coaches. It sounds like she won't have a fight for another month. Then DC asks her not to bring Estrella to the gym because she distracts Moni and the guys. In fact one of the guys fell and broke his nose trying to get a look at Estrella as she flirted with the whole world. Moni says not the whole world, only La Furia Enmascarada. She asks DC what Furia looks like without his mask and DC is saved by the commercial.

Sal explains to Jacqui that he and his crazy wife are getting a divorce. Jacqui, who by the way is acting like a kid who's about to pee her pants, tells Sal that's great, he can pick her up at 8:30. More talk and oh, it turns out Jacqui DOES have to go to the bathroom. She dashes off to the Mujeres but is ambushed by Jero who wants to know why she was talking to Sal and acting all (moves up and down, mimicking Jacqui with a full bladder). "I have to pipi, idiota!" she snaps and tries to escape.

Now we have another great scene with these two. They are bickering about her dumping him and not giving him another chance, meanwhile Jacqui is hopping around trying to keep from wetting herself and Jero is hopping around in postural echo. He thought they were a team conspiring against Coni. Jacqui tells him things have changed and finally manages to tear herself away, leaving Jero skittering and scowling in frustration.

Well well, who should show up at the gym but Ximena?! Moni gives her a big hug but is curious as to why Xime is there looking for Robi el Fantasma Vengador. Xime tells her it's about something horrible but she can't tell Moni what it is. Moni throws Xime up against the punching bag and tells her to throw out the soup. Xime, still acting in her telenovela and clearly wanting Moni to force the truth out of her, tells Moni she can't reveal the truth because Coni will kill her. She dramatically insists "I can't, I can't, I can't", then eyes Moni hopefully.

Tomorrow: Coni thanks Beto for not letting her go through with the abortion because the child is not Beto's, it's Mauricio's.

When I was in Guanajuato the college kids who showed us around were very interested to hear that we collect dichos. Here are a couple they shared with me...

Arrieros somos y en el camino andamos - What goes around comes around (Lit. We are all driving animals along the same road, inferring that if we don't help someone then it will come back to bite us someday.)

Hay que hablar a calzón quitado - Speak as if you don't have knickers on, i.e. speak frankly.

Labels: gancho