Caray, Caray!

Last night we concluded with Renata arriving at the fauxlorio (fake velorio). She looks extremely hot in her funereal dominatrix garb. Jero rips into her that she is not welcome at La Bonita!

Oh snap, without missing a beat Nata retorts she’s not there for him but to support Kari, now step aside.

Renata offers her condolences (pésame) to Kari and they hug. I’m still blown away by how great Renata looks. Did Augi buy that outfit for her? Nice hair too. Everybody stares at Nata as she tells Kari that when someone treats you well you never bury them from your life (don’t forget them), but when someone easily causes you pain you can bury them far away from your life and your heart .

Jero stands just behind them hearing all of Nata’s words. But does he feel bad or guilty? Does he realize she could be talking about him? Not at all. He pipes up, “I totally agree with you Renata, now take off.” Nata firmly explains she doesn’t like being there either, she’s done what she came to do and now she’s leaving. Jero, still not content that he has proven what a jerk he is, grabs her arm, pulls her away from Kari, and escorts her toward the door. Nata shakes him off and proudly exits. Doc Tata watches. Do you like what you see doc? Because you could be on the receiving end one day. Or maybe you’re one of those chicas who think they can change a man? Nopis, never gonna happen.

Manuela stops Renata and tries to explain Jero’s bad behavior but Nata will hear none of it. She’s in a rage and snaps at Manuela (I think SN really made Manuela jump) that Jero is a bum. Everyone says she should understand him but who ever tried to understand her? Manuela speaks of their great love and Nata is all “Excuuuuse me, you call the way he spoke to me a great love?” Errrr, not exactly, admits Manuela, she adds that Jero is acting out of pain and jealousy. Nata corrects her, Jero never loved her and the jealousy is only his bruised ego. Manuela insists she has seen with her own eyes how he’s cried over Nata.

Augi discovers Nata has gone to the funeral without him and he’s in a right snit. Yep, there go his bottom teeth jutting out. (Thanks RLO for pointing that out.) Berta, hanging out by the pool which is her favorite pastime no matter where she is, gloats and giggles that Augi has a meltdown.

Doc Tata enters Jero’s study to console the brooding cretin, She kneels at his feet and pats his knee. Oh gag me with a spoon. He gripes about Nata showing up but Doc Tata wisely tells him that when he agreed to have the velorio at his house he opened it up to all people, including Renata. He behaved badly in front of a lot of people and had no right to humiliate her. Jero scowls and sulks that Renata humiliated him more, ending up with his worst enemy, boo hoo. DocTata reminds him they are divorced, plus an engagement doesn’t mean she loves Augi. She could be seeking refuge. Jero whines that he doesn’t know if Renata ever really loved him.

Manuela tells Nata she can’t keep quiet when she sees someone making the wrong decision, like Nata becoming engaged to Augi for example. Does Nata really think she can be happy with Augi? Nata’s not sure but she hopes so. Besides, one nail drives out the other, right? Manuela warns her that can also leave you with a wall full of holes (hoyos). Manuela knows that Nata and Jero love each other. Nata tells her that sometimes love isn’t enough.

When Nata returns to Cruz de Amor Augi jumps up and demands to know where she was. Nata snaps it was a last minute decision and she doesn’t need to ask his permission. He backpedals and uses the “I was worried for your safety” excuse. He wisely changes the subject, how about they go to the beach tomorrow? She wiselier* tells him she can’t marry him and wants to leave forever. Augi is all “Wahhh, stay with me.” She rolls her eyes. (*made up word)

It’s a full moon (as always) over the wine country and Laz visits the Padre, still clad in his colorful, purple robe. Laz wants to confess something right here and now. He feels bad because he’s happy about Alvaro’s death. The Padre stops him right there, “Me too bro. That guy was evil incarnate; may he rot in hell, God willing.” Hee, I made that up. The Padre stops Laz and suggests that what he’s feeling is liberation because Alvaro is no longer an obstacle for Laz and Kari. The Padre absolves Laz, no penitence.

Jero calls Regina to offer condolences. I wish Gonzo would be there to grab the phone, tell Jero he’s not welcome and then hang up on him. I wonder how Jero would like it? No such luck. Jero tells Gina they have lots to talk about and he’ll see her soon.

Gonzo visits Honorio in jail and fills him in on Cata’s death. He says Gina’s all torn up because she and the metiche mama were on the outs and Cata died before Regina could shut her pie-hole, er...I mean before they could reconcile. Hons says that’s why you have to tell your peeps you love them when you can. Gonzo reveals to Hons that today they are going to entrap BSCBlanca and Hons will be free.

Regina tells gal pals Cons and Inez that she is doomed to be alone. Um, they remind her about Gonzo. Oh yeah, that guy she's supposed to marry. Gina is still whining about mom not forgiving her (for what exactly?) and adds that Cata said something about Pepa and Gonzo’s wife. Cons repeats "about Pepa and about Fina". Why did she say that? Gina says they were Cata’s last words. Think Cons, think!

Creep me out, Augi is playing a little game with Nata. He’s covered her eyes and is leading her into a room. It doesn’t seem like she’s enjoying the game. Probably because it’s just a lame excuse for him to manhandle and clutch her. He’s got a grand surprise for her...LOOK!

He uncovers Nata’s eyes and she sees a huge mock up of his new Renacer (or something like that) label featuring Nata’s silhouette, she’s his muse. Big whoop, say Renata's eyes. Roberta spies and skulks off with her lips curled in a snarl.

Over at La Bonita Kari thanks Jero and he tells her she is a beloved by the entire hacienda. She says finally it’s all over. “Not all,” slips Jero. “Que????” ask Kari and Manuela. “Err, your life continues,” he ad-libs, “and all your friends are here to surround you.” Mati offers up her room since she and Carlos are moving out right after the wedding. Mati’s headband is too tight and she can’t see the big gigantic anvil hurtling towards her.

Oh HO, I see Dr. Tatarrific has decided she won’t be outdone by Nata’s hotness. Her exuberant bosom threatens to burst from her dress as she tells Jero today she discovered not only is he generous but he’s got the most noble heart she’s ever known. Maybe she didn’t agree with how he treated Renata but it showed he has passion. He has been a great surprise in her life. Wow, she’s good. She baits her hook, she casts her line, and he bites!! Her reward is a big mouth bass beso from Mr. Passion. Be careful what you wish for honey.

Nata tepidly tells Augi that of course she’s happy about his label. Mutual thanks back and forth,yawn. He says after they are married this will be the first picture they have in their home. Nata’s smile disappears. She sighs that her divorce with Jero wasn’t easy and she doesn’t want to experience the same with him. Augi gives his word (hack hack) that will never happen.She’s uncomfortable with him always speaking of her as his woman, his wife, and she asks for his patience. He responds, “All that you need...just so long as I can lock you in my prison palace, control your life and boink your sister until the end of our days.” (I made up everything past the dot dot dot.)

After Marina leaves Jero berates himself for the kiss. It’s not fair for him or for her. She deserves better than to be in his failure of a life. I believe he's talking about Marina even though he flashed back on kissing both Marina and Nata. I'm going to set my stopwatch to see how long it takes Jero to go sniffing after La Doc.

Laz sees Kari in the vineyard and he makes his move. Turns out his move could have been as easy as passing gas because Kari jumps on him. Falling into his arms she declares she needs him more than ever.

As they stroll happily through the vineyard Mati steps out behind them and comments at last they’re together, and she’s with Carlos, and they can all live happily at La Bonita. The anvil continues to hurtle toward La Bonita.

Elsewhere in the vineyard Alfonsina and Carlos inspect the vines and determine that the combination of insecticide and their mysterious neon brew is doing the trick. Now they need to get the word out to the other haciendas. Alfonsina is worried because they haven’t invited Cruz de Amor to play, what with all the bad blood between Augi, Jero and Renata. Carlos sets his jaw and says they have to do what’s good for the valley and not get wrapped up in personal problems. Give the plant cure to Ezequiel.

Coni asks Regina if she has any pictures of her daughter. When Gina dashes off to get more pictures Coni tells Inez she’s interested because Gina saw Pepa close by her house. She wants to be on high alert. Inez says thus far all she and Isidro have had are red herrings.

Regina shows Coni some age-progression drawings and Coni gasps. Regina already knows why, they look like Gonzo’s daughters don’t they? But the family investigated and they could be projections of thousands of girls.

BSCBlanca meets Daniel in a cafe. She tells him to open his computer and send her the info she requested. Daniel looks guilty and the employees look like suspicious plain clothes cops.

Matias visits Adri to stop by with a burrito and steal a kiss while the coast is clear (sin que hay moros en la costa). Unfortunately he has to rush back to work to monitor the BSCBlanca sting operation. He tells her that Daniel went to the dark side for Adri, so he could be rich and deserving of her. Adri feels sorry for Daniel and says he’s not really a bad person. I'm sorry Adri, but he's not really a good person either.

Blanca gets the information and Daniel tells her she’s a genius. She admits she’s got a bit of experience at this, more than he knows. The plain clothes cops hover closely to catch every word. Blanca becomes frustrated while waiting for some sort of confirmation to load on her laptop, glances at the suspicious behavior around her, and warns Daniel this had better not be a trap.

She pretends to go to the bathroom and makes her escape while Daniel kvetches ineffectually. Once again BLSBlanca’s big bazongas carry her forward at lightning speed and she leaves the cops in the dust.

The La Bonita ladies are happily cooking and discussing the upcoming familial fun when wet blanket Kari informs Mati she won’t be doing any partying for awhile. It wouldn’t be prudent since she’s in mourning (de luto). Manuela confirms that it’s tradition. Mati’s bummed that Kari won’t be able to meet her in-laws tonight. FF>>

Jero and Carlos are in the vineyard inspecting the vines. They are happy to note that their cure is fixing the plant plague. Carlos says something about meeting his parents to go on a wine tour before dinner. Jero wants a lift into town to “clear up” something with Marina. Yeah, right. Thirteen minutes including commercials.

Nata and Augi are looking all over for Roberta. Ezequiel runs in to say Berta borrowed a horse, one of the Aztecas that nobody but Augi is allowed to touch. Nata is surprised, Berta doesn’t even like to ride. Augi yells first at Ez and then at Nata, doesn’t she understand about someone being under his protection? No, well, yes of course, she says, staring inquisitively into his crazed eyes.

Roberta is fine and doing her own tour. She wanders over to the love tree, sees “Renata y Jeronimo” and laughs that this heart is roto, roto, roto! (broken) She made me laugh, too, as she whacked it with her little stick. She moves up the branch (Hey Berta, I think your sister had sex on that branch!!) and sees the “Berta y Rafael” heart. She flashes back to yet another sexy but scruffy galán who professed that he wanted to shout out his love for her to the four winds.

Roberta sheds bitter tears and reflects that Rafael should be by her side. Instead she is lonelier than ever. She’s not like Renata, whom everybody adores and wants to marry. She hugs the branch and cries how much she misses Rafa. Truly a sad scene. Luckily I plan to hate her again in about 2 seconds.

BSCBlanca disguises herself by donning a baseball cap (cachucha). She skulks around town hiding from cop cars.

At the same time the police and Team Monterrubio are getting a debrief from nervous Daniel. Blanca is now more dangerous than ever. They need to find her soon so that Hons can get out of jail.

The Comandante yells at someone on the phone, if they lose Blanca now they’ll never find her. Daniel says he has an alternate address for her, she lives in Parish (parroquia) 3-0. The Comandante puts out an APB. Car 54 where are you??

Jero and Carlos arrive in town. Jero tells Carlos not to wait for him and to wish him luck. Blech.

Jero knocks on Doc Tata’s door and they make goo-goo eyes at each other. They’ll meet soon. Marina asks her grinning patient, “now where were we?”

Fina paces and soothes her headache by abusing and insulting the maid. I think I’ve used this line in at least three recaps. Surely this poor maid can find another job? Oh well, times are tough.

Fina asks if Berta has called. Of course not; Fina wonders where her daughter has gone. She demands the phone which the maid picks up from right next to Fina and hands to her. I wonder if she chews Fina’s food too?

Fina dials Berta but gets voice mail yet again. She demands that Roberta return immediately. She mutters something about very little time left to give the final blow to Regina.

Berta strolls the Ensenada plaza enjoying her ice cream cone when she runs into Jero. She rubs it in that she’s staying at her future brother-in-law’s. She casually comments her sister changes boyfriends more frequently than her socks. When they like her she gives them the boot. Jero retorts that Berta is no paragon of virtue (dechado de virtudes). Surprisingly Jero sticks up for Renata and says she never had it on with his brother Rafa.

This charming conversation is interrupted by Tatas. As in Doctor. “Doctora?” says Roberta, muy pero muy impactada to recognize the woman who could blow her lies out of the water.

Avances: Pride before love, betrayal before heart, and spite before reason.

cachucha = baseball cap
dechado de virtudes = paragon of virtue
de luto = in mourning
hoyos = holes
metiche = nosy, buttinsky
pésame = condolences
roto = broken
sin que hay moros en la costa = while the coast is clear (Lit. without Moors the coast)

Repeat dicho of the day:

Un clavo saca otro clavo = there are other fish in the sea (lit. one nail drives out the other)

Labels: Cuando