Monday, February 13, 2012

El Talismán #11 Mon 2/13/12 The Sociopath, the Drunk, His Wife and Her Lovers (ahem...her Johns)

Elvira, with her son Armando arrives at the Fresno bus station. Elvira calls her daughter Cammie.

The incestuous duo is still standing at the front desk of The Only Hotel Inn-Fresno. It occurs to Tony that Cammie doesn’t know that Pete is married.

Cammie picks up her cell phone and is surprised to learn that her mother is in town. Elvira wants to know what hotel Cammie and Ginnie are staying at. Cammie drops a bomb and tells her mother that she is staying at El Alcatraz.

The Mustang Ranch-Fresno
Don G speaking talking to one of the hostesses. He wants to know why Catherine wears a mask. Is there a problem with her face? Oh my gosh! He’s got his nerve! If that’s the case, Don G will you put a mask on? The hostess assures him that Catherine is very pretty and that she will get William’s signature. I guess at this Mustang Ranch division, the hostesses are also notaries/paralegals? At what point during the hot sweaty love session will she whip out the pen and the seal? I’m just trying to picture a butt-naked hooker asking a John to sign near the X? I can’t wrap my mind around it. Where is she gonna put that pen and seal? Anyway, we are told that she simply wears the mask to be incognito. It makes her more interesting. Don G is getting turned on and has an urge to possess Catherine. The hostess gets a “oh boy” look on her face.

Seriously, I am back to on the hooker notaries. I can’t let that go.

Back at the hotel, the incestuous duo are in bed (Excuse me sitting ON the bed. They are on top of the blankets. Folks…this is how rumors get started.) Their strategizing on how they can keep Cammie and Pedro apart. As she lies (sits) on the foot of her brother’s bed with back arched and legs crossed, we learn that Lulu doesn’t want Cammie to know that Pete is married. She thinks that should save that information for a rainy day. They may need it just in case Cammie decides to forgive Pete. Side note: Lulu is still wearing less clothes than the women who work at the brothel. The hostesses are wearing what appear to be aqua musical bathing suits with floor-length lace robes and thigh high stockings (circa Ester Williams) from the 1940s and 1950s. They almost look decently dressed. What kind of brothel is this? I wear less clothes when I go to church. Tony disagrees with he sister, but he goes along with this reasoning that makes absolutely no sense.

Back at the Mustang Ranch, Doris is in her boudoir and has removed her mask. Bridgette, the madame, tells her that Don G will pay a lot of money if she can get William to sign the papers. Doris says that won’t be a problem. At this point, I take out my pad and pencil. I haven't dated in a while, so I am gonna take notes on how to drive a man so wild in bed that he will not be suspicious when a hooker hands him a legal documents to sign. Bridgette tells Doris that she’s always admired her for being so cold-blooded. Doris looks in the mirror and says she’s gonna drive (I think she was talking about Don G) Don G so wild that he will be addicted to her. Oh my gosh! I can’t wait for the seduction scene. I need some tips.

El Alcatraz Teens giving words of wisdom to one another. Gosh, I almost couldn’t say that with a straight face. Long story short. If you don’t like Claudio. Don’t try to make yourself like Claudio.

Back at El Talisman-Sarita tells Gabriel that the nun who runs the orphanage has died and Pedro doesn’t have to send any money to the orphanage anymore. Forget the other orphans, let them starve. Their parents died or abandoned them for a reason. How are we gonna tell Pedro?

El Talisman (Livingroom) Pete tells Tia that he has to go back to the hotel to get the fat envelope of money. Tia tells him that he’s been bamboozled (thank you Malcom X) and the milk doesn’t smell right. I really don’t care about this conversation. I am obsessed with the paralegal hookers who have magic body parts that make men lose all sense of reason. My writing pad is still beside me.

El Alcatraz (Cammie and Ginnies bedroom?) Lulu knocks on the door. I THINK she is going to try to get Cammie fired by saying she stole Lulu’s clothes? Normally, I would say something obnoxious about Lulu’s clothes, but I can’t stand the way the Cammie dresses. Lulu's clothes would be an improvement. Anyway, she knocks on the door. Ginnie’s had a long day, she’s tired, her feet hurt and she ain't in the mood for LuLu’s nonsense. She tells Lu that Cammie’s not there. Lu doesn’t believe her and insists on entering the room where she proceeds to scream out Cammie's name several times and does a perimeter check. Ginnie tells Lu that Cammie’s with Pedro. Later she takes it back and says that she doesn’t know where Cammie is, but if she is with Pedro she would be making out with him. I would too.

Bus Stop Cammie demands to know why her mother and brother are back in Fresno. Elvira says it will be easier to have more sex with (I meant take vengeance upon) Don G now that Cammie stays El Alcatraz. Armando comes over, he’s been putting the luggage in the car. Cammie wants to know why he brought his mother there. He says he couldn’t stop her once she gets something in her mind. He reminds Cammie that she has been living with her mother for well over 45 years and she should know this by now. I am anxious to get back to the hookers. The suspense is killing me!

Yeah! We are back at the Mustang Ranch-Home of the Very Chaste and Completely Covered Hookers! Doris has her mask back on. Bridgette introduces her as Catherine. I wrote step one down.

  • Step 1. Wear a mask and a church lady negligee covered by a floor-length gown. You will be intriguing to men. They don’t really wanna see what they are paying for. Got it.

Don G tells William that Catherine is his gift, but Don G is a (racist derogatory name) giver. He can’t seem to let the gift go. He wants the gift to take off her mask. Bridgette intervenes and says that we will lose the surprise if she takes of the mask. She suggests that he sleep with Catherine instead. Don G says no, he can wait until next week to get his sloppy seconds. He wants an appointment with Catherine.

El Talisman (Downstairs) Antonio’s more dangerous than his father. Pedro was set up. Antonio lied to Camila. El Talisman (Upstairs) How are we gonna tell Pedro those little orphans have been using him for all these years? Selfish orphans. Do they really need clothing and shelter? They’ve been taking advantage of him! They can get jobs. They don’t need the money.

Hotel-Fire the interior decorator immediately if not sooner! Elvira and Cammie are still arguing. Antonio hears them from his room and opens the door. "Why is Camila’s family here?", he asks himself.

Hotel Elvira’s room Camila, if you don’t give me money, I’ll go ask Don G for some. Armando takes Cammie’s side.

El Talisman OK. We got it. You don’t think Camila likes you. She won’t listen to you. Bring on the hookers!

Dammit we are back at the hotel! Armando says Cammie’s right! Everyone, raise your hand if you thing Cammie’s right. I finally find an episode where I can actually learn something and they keep showing these stupid hotel scenes.

Yeah! We are back at the Mustang Ranch-Home of the Hookers who dress like nuns!

  • Step Two. Cover the John’s eyes with red scarf.
  • Step Three. Take off your mask and robe.
  • Step Four. Kick the John in the chest

Hotel Cammie leaves in a huff. Meets Antonio. He asks her to give him a chance. She says hello no. He’s married and she loves Pedro. She leaves in a huff again. He tells us that “she will be mine”. He’s goes to her mother’s room and says he will help her get her revenge if she will help him get Cammie to marry him. He’ll pay her a lot of money. Elvira makes a deal with the devil. A good looking devil, but the devil never-the-less.

El Alcatraz Ginnie tells Cammie that her best friend LuLu stopped by and that she told Lulu that she was with Pedro. Speaking of Lulu and Pedro. Lulu went to look for Cammie at Pedro’s house. At one point he asked her to leave. But as usual, they continue talking. But at least he’s got the bull dog Tia to defend him this time. At the hotel, Cammie figures out that Antonio was lying to her when he said that his sister was with Pedro. Unfortunately, Pedro is now with Lulu and has yet to throw her out of his house. I think Lulu offers to help Pedro get Camila back. I don’t care. You all know what I’m waiting for.

Elvira and Antonio are at a restaurant strategizing.

Yeah! We are back at the Mustang Ranch! Home of the hooker notaries and call girl paralegals. Bridgette offers Don G a session with Lucy, but he is still stuck on Catherine! I. WAS. ROBBED! Doris is now putting her robe back on and William is fully dressed! They didn't show me anything that I can use! I still don’t know what to do to change a man’s brain to silly putty. Dammit! All I know is that whatever she did, she took out the legal documents and the pen. This man actually signed a legal document handed to him by a hooker after he had the best sex of his life! I have got to find out her technique! He’s not even suspicious. I would be at least a little concerned that I was being scammed. I think I might have even ask for an attorney or maybe my mother to review the paperwork. He didn’t even read it! What kind of voodoo acrobatics was she performing on him? Folks, you saw this! I can’t make this up!

Hotel Again! Tony wants to destroy his father.

Pedro calls for news of Marianna. No news.

More talk of revenge discussed excruciatingly by every character on the show.

Well, at least we get to see Pedro kiss Cammie speechless again in the flashback. Now I’ve gotta kiss him! It’s been years and she’s still hooked! God forbid he does anything more that kissing her. She might just follow him around like a puppy for the rest of his life.

Hotel Again! Lulu has Camila’s clothes. They can convince Pedro that Cammie slept with Antonio. Antonio just wants to tell Cammie that Pedro is married. Antonio is still drinking and his sister is dressed like she should work at the Mustang Ranch.

El Talisman. Tia tells Pedro to be careful of LuLu. Claudio, Gabriel and Sarita still have not told Pedro that he should abandon the orphans. Let's make sure to completely traumatize them for the rest of their lives. Throw the little moochers in the street.

Hotel Pedro went to the hotel to get the money anyway. He’s cute, but he sure is dumb. Oh I finally get it. They are going to set the room up so it looks as if Cammie slept in the hotel room with Antonio! Now I feel so dumb. I finally get it. The clerk calls Antonio’s room. That’s why they stole her clothes!

Elvira tells Armando that she and Antonio are working together.

Cammie calls her boss and tries to get off of the Fresno assignment. He says it will be months before he can get her another position.

Hotel. Antonio is shirtless again! I must remember to send his parents a thank you card and roses on his birthday. He is just D Lish US! Pedro is at the room to get the money. Of course poor Pedro sees Cammie’s jacket. Pedro shoves Antonio onto the bed. They are both hot. It’s like Team Edward vs. Team Jacob all over again.

Armando tries to talk Elvira out of working with Antonio.

Lulu pays the desk clerk.

Tia tells the boys that Lulu is trying to trap Pedro.

Don G sees Lulu at the hotel. She tells her father that Camila is working at his ranch.

Antonio and Pedro are fighting in the hotel. Cammie comes into the room. Antonio tells Cammie that Pedro is married.

Credits. Good night Victor Hugo Cabrera wherever you are!

Labels:


Comments:
Which sociopaths and drunks do you mean? Aren't there several from which to choose? And should that be " her Juans". I keed I keed.
 

I wish Antonio would just get himself a custom blowup doll. And Lucrezia desperately needs a giggle jacket and a padded room.
 

Are you serious?? is Pedro and Tia arguing back and forth about the same stuff?? Lucrecia, the money and 'talk to Camila and tell her the truth!'?? GEEZ!!!
 

Oh my God!! the biblical Isaac trick?? (dress as your rival leather?)
 

at least Pedro is reading Antonio right as a dangerous unpredictable guy... worse than his father in that sense.

and tia is on to Luckrezia...

again... she thinks he wants vengeance, he thinks SHE wants vengeance... can we move on to the next script page please??

and i am tired also of 'as soon as my sub gets here i am gone!!'... duh!

tia and pedro... talk to Camila!! Tell her about Mariana!! ... YAWN!

can't these folks afford to buy a mini cassette recorder and just play it on cycle tape mode??

Doris has some major psych issues if all she can think of is daydreaming when she does 'this' to Tony.

Cam: I love Pedro but... YAWN!!

PI: Get out of here Lukrezia!! YAWN!!

OSG: you will be mine, Camila! YAWN!!

IS Tony wearing an even BIGGER belt buckle??

the smartest character in today's ep... Genoveba!! she can't wait for Camila to leave and she will be rith on her heels!

Pedro believing what Lukrezia tells him ... YAWN!!

now they are using same music background from Eva Luna!! LOL!

love the guts of Genoveba and Tia both facing Lukrezia and seeing in her what Pedro would not see even with magnifying glasses.

words of wisdom by Tony: How you have lost your manners since you lost your money, hah?

OSG and Elvira on each other's necks even before OSG marries Camila... that might get interesting. OSG not looking forward to have her as mom in law... LOL!

another call from Pedro to investigators... YAWN!!

PI: If only I could be interested in another woman... YAWN!!

now the plan is to make Pedro think Camilia is with OSG... YAWN!!
and he falls hook, line and sinker
oopsie, plan fails at lats sec so OSG has to use his last card... PI is hitched!!
 

Finally a scene where Rafa can show some of his acting/action chops... last 49 seconds of the episode...
 

Cynderella--I think Martaivett took care of things pretty well, YAWN. Maybe you can take the night off from this excuse for a novela.

Sara--the last comment in last recaps comments is for you re Jorge Salinas.
Anita
 

Cynderella, what a fantastic title! You nailed it amiga.

Writers, please no more conversations between Pedro and Tia. They are neverending and boring!

Hee, Marta, you are on quite a rant tonight. My favorite: "IS Tony wearing an even BIGGER belt buckle??" Also, I second the nomination for Genoveva being the smartest one. I think Aaron Dias is doing piece work in this episode. He gets a chunk of change every time he says "Vas a ser mio!"

Elvira was creeping me out. First her dinner with Antonio and second in her hotel room talking to her son and holding her sheet over her chest. What was up with that? Are they sharing a room and if so why is she wearing something where she has to hide herself?
 

It is actually hard to believe how bad this TN is. I think am in denial. Every night before it starts I think hopefully, "El Tal will get better. IT WILL."

Yes, Marta, I, too thought my television was on automatic repeat. I believe each of the characters repeated each of the conversations at least once.

And yes, Doris, as written and portrayed has some major psych issues. I am laughing uncontrollably, because the ACTRESS has even bigger issues; she should fire her agent.

Sara: 'her Juans'....so dry you serve your humor, m'dear. I'll take mine stirred, not shaken.

EJ
 

Thank you EJ! I am flattered.
Anita: I got it! I found the chopped DVD on Amazon. I may get it. I'm not a huge fan of the chopped up DVDs, but at least a get an idea of what a show was about.
Martaivett--Yup. You got it. YAWN! But for some reason this yawn fest is so chock full of WTF nuts, I can't resist.

1. It has been confirmed. Pink lingerie is the Univision/Venevision answer to the pear robe.
2. One of the hands (can't remember either name) looks like Taylor Lautner to me. It's jarring.
3.We were all wondering who the hell Sarita was because she was just thrown in. Sr. Renato is much the same, yes? Kind of reminds me of that game on Whose Line Is It Anway (Party invites or somesuch) where the player is supposed to guess the invitees "quirk." Well the writers throw someone at us and we are supposed to figure out where they belong in this mess.
4. I'm getting a "I HEART Genoveva" vibe. I like that girl. But she's too smart for this novela. She's going to die or come down with stupid in the next few episodes.
5. Why, why, why did Aaron Diaz sign on for this? He is doing a great acting job. I totally buy his odious, drunk, possibly package padding sliminess...unfortunately it is such a caricature that it comes off as lame and stupid. Dude does evil-eye way too well and he creeps me out.
6. Please fire vestuario. Lulu's daisy dukes cum thigh boots must go. And what was last night's high heels with knee-high spats thing?

Yet I can't stop watching. El Tal, I wish I knew how to quit you.
 

JAJAJA Sara, WTF nuts indeed.

At least now we know where Doris got her slapping skills.
 

Yes! to an I Heart Genoveva t-shirt. What I'd love to see is a TN written from the point of view of the protagonista's sidekick. Going back a couple of shows, there was Valentina's Gaby in STuD, Renata's Adriana in CME and now Genoveva. The sidekick is always an intelligent, observant, strong and loyal young woman with the proverbial patience of Job.

Lucrecia's tramp act is now beyond tiresome.

Nuestra Amiga Anita sent me her latest list of compiled comments we've made re this quality production. I posted it on La Plaza and will post it here as well. It's pretty lengthy and will have to be broken up into at least a couple of comments to accommodate Blogger's max comment size.
 

THINGS WE HAVE CALLED "EL TALISMAN" —NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY - Part Uno

E-- If you want to film here [in US] you should actually do some homework to make it somewhat believable! Ay ay ay if Roberta was watching she would be saying estupido the entire hour!

V-- This entire cast & crew should drink the Kool Aid, to put them & us out of our misery & bring Podía back to 9PM. I would prefer to watch test pattern than this. I feel sorry for the actors should they have the misfortune of watching este pedazo de mierda. Mejia is beginning to look like Spielberg next to this group of ineptos, and FELS like academy award material

U- This series is no Eva Luna

B-- Ai ai ai. De mal en peor

H-- Sorry, too stupid for me. I may read the recaps, but the show has lost me.

C-- In fact, so far this show makes me long for the good old days of MEPS and FELS

M-- Has anyone been able to take this novela seriously since the end of episode 1?? NOT ME!!

Anon-- El Talisman is a s&*% storm of depraved characters and oddball casting.

N-- Once again, Caray Caray commenters get an A+. The writers of this crap fest get a big fat F.

A-- The only thing I can think of is that these twits of a writing team are still drying the ink on the next scene as the cameras start to roll, so no one really knows how to prepare.

N-- Oh I could go on and on -- I'm so glad you're here to take us on this romp through the swamp of bad acting, worse writing and cheapo producing.

J-- Mil gracias for this clever recap of an oh-so-dumb telenovela

K-- These recaps are the only reason to watch this show.

E-- This complete telenovela crapfest does get the creative juices flowing, doesn't it

J-- I think Univision should be paying you to write these snarky recaps, and the other recappers as well. Picking apart the hammy carcass the next day is what makes this worth watching

M-- Here I thought I was the only one who thought this thing was bad and the cheesey acting was even worse.WOW!!! and it's just like someone said it's a bad accident waiting to happen, and you can't help but not look away b/c you just might miss something.

B--Combined with all the other weirdness from the first five episodes--is anybody else getting the idea that the writers/monkeys with typewriters/etc. are trying to apply U.S. soap opera sensibilities to this novela (and failing)?

K-- I have to agree with the comment from yesterday that this could be the worst TN ever but remember FELS was also a bad TN that caused the recappers and commenters to soar to unprecedented heights of hilarity. I'm so in

N-- Worst TN, after last night's episode I said that to myself, did not think anyone would agree, but I see most of you do. This is supposed to be from the writers of Eva Luna, did Univision interfere, what happened here? It's been the same routine she gets angry, tells him off, he smacks her on the lips.

C-- Last night hit a new low on repeat conversations, that's for sure. My head started pounding every time Pedro and Tia popped back up on the screen. You, not watching diligently? Thanks for watching at all. Believe me I would have been doing a lot of fast forwarding last night had it no been my recap night. I read that Venevision also did Acorralada, another famously bad telenovela. Some people learn from their mistakes, others practice them and get better at it.

V-- Pobrecita, having to recap this mierda. So far I think this is even worse than FELS, is that possible? I'm not getting much out of it, it's just marking time until Podia comes on.
 

THINGS WE HAVE CALLED "EL TALISMAN" —NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY - Part Dos

N-- Margarito and Mariana met secretly to plan their venganza against the production team.

J-- Let's all pray that they move this dreck to midnight, and you all can recap from dailymotion and fast forward thru 9/10 of it

K-- …most mammals have more subtlety than our writers

C-- If you were able to FF through the first half of the show then my work was successful. You missed NADA. I realized this morning what February Sweeps means to Univision. They are Sweeping their viewers out the door and over to Telemundo

B-- I've got some bad news, all -- I think they're STILL FILMING. It could go on forever

R—Ack! They are still filming?

K-- It's just sad that the recpas are so much better than the show. Is it possible to recover from this first part? I guess the actors aren't ALL terrible. Just most.

E-- Well, they can't say we are not making the best of things over here at El TalMajal.

C-- Still filming? Oh dear, say it's not so. Surely they have looked at the reviews after the premier and now know this is a cruel joke.

J-- 120 episodes "planned"...hopefully they haven't filmed too many episodes, so they can speed things up and end this thing sooner. Or move this one to midnight and start airing a better telenovela

C-- Has a decent actor ever had to humiliate himself more than this? Oh I weep for you and your wasted hotness, Rafa!" All I can say is I hope the pay is worth it

C-- Last night I watched ET in stunned amazement. Can this show get any worse? Well apparently it can

S et al.--This is the house that Univision built.
This is the train that hit the house that Univision built.
This is the plane that crashed into the train that hit the house that Univision built.
This is the bus that banged into the plane, that crashed into the train, that hit the house that Univision built...

E--Since we have already seen a plethora or trite contrivances in this "hot mess" of a telenovela. I guess we can expect some Cymbeline-type misunderstandings in our future

E—Thanks for sending your condolences to Sr Novoa. He needs them.
 

THINGS WE HAVE CALLED "EL TALISMAN" —NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY - Part Tres

E – Is he right to wonder if El Mal-Tal can get any worse. I can't say, amigo, but the writers here are giving us a valiant effort. Certainly it is the worst telenovela I have ever watched. Great comments and recaps though...gotta love the community. Anyway, they say that misery loves company...And once again, the rarefied air of the Caray recapper gets all stinkied up by the likes of ElTal... Aye,yi, yi!! And yet, you held your nose and soldiered on. Bless you, m'dear!! If it weren't for the recaps (and the comments) I'd have ditched this one after ep. 2.

M-- This stinkin’ wet dog of a TN

V-- I'm bailing on this one, it has out Mejiaed Mejia. Courage viewers, especially the recappers

R-- My condolences that THIS muck is your return to novelaland after a hiatus.

S-- This show is just sooo weird, and now we have the younger generation adding some youthful weirdness…..In the novela called “Bella,” … She used to don masks and costumes and have a sort of lottery for the chance to sleep with her. It was a bizarre but fun show. This show, so far, is just bizarre

J-- I painted my living room ceiling this afternoon before kicking back to watch this show, and now I can report with certainty that staring at the ceiling watching paint dry is more interesting than Pedro and Camila having the same argument for the 47th time.

K-- Waiting for the meteor to land on the house of Univision

U-- This novela is certainly a hot mess. I hope all these actors' careers can recover from it.

N-- I love all your speculations and predictions about where this shambling mess of a narrative is heading. Personally, I think all rules of logic -- even telenovelógica -- have been set aside. We are in a random universe here and all bets are off. (Too bad Estegone didn't get the memo on time.)

V- This was a fabulous weekend read. And you managed to link this low rent tn to a high brow art house French film. Now, THAT'S talent!

CS - Poor Fresno, this show is NOT going to help its reputation

MI - It is getting so bad I look forward to the ending credits. Poor Rafa N.

A - IMHO it is taking up valuable airspace, but generating a lot of valued cyberspace.
 

Mike - Love la lista! We are the lucky beneficiaries of your retirement! Keep em coming.

I agree that Genoveva was delightful last night when she told Secretia that Camila was out with Pedro.

Marta- "Is Tony wearing an even bigger belt buckle?". He just forgot his gym socks, so the same buckle looks bigger in comparison.

There goes my idea that if only I had a Glitter Hooker Mask I could forever forego wearing make-up. Doris was so made up last night she looked like one of Robert Palmer's Simply Irresistible girls.

I LOL'd when Pedro pushed Tony on the bed and Tony laughed. Was that spontaneous, on-the-set fun we saw?

The last 49 seconds were actually pretty good. Maybe tonight we'll get 50 seconds of entertainment.

Rosemary la Otra
 

Oops! I should have known it was Anita's Lista. Thank you, Amiga!

Thanks for posting, Mike!
 

Great list Anita! What an uproarious group.

R la O, funny about Tony's belt buckle. That boy sure does love to keep that thing unbuckled and dangling dangerously close to his jewels. I would be afraid of the wrecking ball effect.

I missed his laugh when Pedro pushed him on the bed. Just re-watched and yep, it sure sounded like a spontaneous giggle. I can only imagine the amount of eye rolling that must occur on the set.

Oh my, Secretia's boots (great new nickname by the way) are the sluttiest boots I've ever seen. Or maybe it's because they are paired with her thighmaster daisy dukes.
 

By the way, I noticed one of the local ads last night was for a big Western Wear store. I wonder how long it will be before we start seeing ads for lingerie, spike-heeled boots and masques?
 

Sylvia - Wrecking ball effect! Lol
 

Thanks for inducing a male cringe w/ your "wrecking ball effect", there, Cap'n Sharkbait! Ooof...
 

Duly noted--I will send a telegram to my secret contact in Sri Lanka for an order of I Heart Genoveva t-shirts. Would 10 be enough? Isn't that about how many hard-core viewers are left?

They should arrive in about 3 months since they have to change ships in mid-ocean and find Smugglers Cove near Fresno to disembark the goods.
Anita
 

In honor of our reaching the 1/10th mark in this novela I have prepared a----

REVISED LIST OF CHARACTERS POPULATING EL TALISMAN

Esteban Nájera, Camila’s father—who only lasts five episodes before he becomes Estegone, offing himself on the rug in the bedroom, with a pistol (he doesn’t know how lucky he is)

Elvira, mom with money on her mind and vengeance in her heart; expects to be treated and served like a queen by hardworking daughter; in general has man-troubles—they’ve all done her wrong

José Armando Nájera, seemingly useless son, tied to mama’s apron strings, believes anything she tells him

Don Gregorio Negrete, friendless owner of El Alcatrash, only knows how to kick, slap, whip and scream Lárgate; changes his shirt every day (aka D. Gagg, El Troll & others)

Pedro Ibarra, sweet disposition, manly, but non-action oriented, save hoisting one damsel over his shoulder twice; never looks at his or Mariana’s bank accounts

Camila Nájera, feather-haired beauty who looks and acts just like Eva Luna; makes life-changing decisions based on off-hand remarks made by a slutty rival and believes in 5 min. set-up kisses where the galán comes down with a case of Galanbesoparalysis

Antonio Permasmirk Negrete, takes after his father Don G, but uses cunning more than violence, shown shirtless riding a horse, but is usually found wearing a large belt buckle, lounging around with a full Boda bag of wine or breakfast beer; uses the standard ‘I’ll cut you, man’ look with impunity

Lucrecia, his sister, provocative nymph, emotionally stunted, wears as little as possible; is certifiably LooKrazia; her comfort zone is anywhere Pedro is

Fabiola and Florencia – Don Gregorio’s granddaughters—skinny versions of Tweedledee and Tweedledum

Mariana, married to Pedro because he promised her dad on his deathbed to take care of her; after some hellish treatment while pregnant with Antonio’s child, was made to disappear from this telenovela by Don Gregorio (lucky Mariana)

Mariana’s Tía, sweet and ineffective; every telenovela needs one; acts as Pedro’s sounding board, reverberating ad infinitum, same tune, driving everyone in telenovelaland Krazier

Matilde & her husband, Mariana's parents and original owners of El TalMajal; gleefully departed this life in the very 1st episode (Matilde expired twice for our benefit, in case we missed the first one)

Doris, Antonio’s neglected wife, has a secret life no one cares about; likes Glitter Hooker Masks, hmmmm.
 

NO PADRE, so far, but if there to be one, René Casados, Cesar Evora, Jorge da Silva or Diego Olivera are offered up as satisfying possibilities; but these folks probably wouldn’t go see a padre if their lives depended on it; only Granny Nájera might still be a believer

Margarito, Pedro’s bro from the orphanage, after making a good start as an undocumented worker, seemingly has turned to drink and is no longer helping on the rancho (lucky Margarito)

Gabriel & Claudio, one is Margarito’s son, the other his nephew—recien llegado mojados, decent sort of guys; then años después finds them working at El Talismán because of Pedro’s soft heart. Gabriel loves Sarita and Claudio loves Tweedledum. Who loves Tweedledee?

Tracy, clever sous-chef who speaks perfect Spanglish and stopped wearing shocking pink lipstick when she went to work for Renato; seemingly best friend and confidant of Camila, whom she hasn’t been in touch with for años después (and holds important mail back, to boot)

Genoveva, Camila’s BFF during the años después that Tracy hasn’t been her BFF; she’s definitely on board Team Camila; frequently mistaken for Bianca Jagger until she opens her mouth

Renato, kept man who doesn’t have anyone currently keeping him except poor Tracy who sells empanadas on the streets of Fresno (I bet she enjoyed her time off from this tn—what was it, 4 years?)

Valentin, does the dirty work around El Alcatrash, but refuses to muck out the stables; he keeps his hands clean for manhandling defensless women

Sarita, showed up with no avances, assumed to be at hacienda El Alcatrash, loved by Gabriel

Domatilla, part of the Servidumbre at hacienda El TalMajal; may have been married to Margarito, but that’s part of the past now

Alberta, the Negrete Nanny, loyal, but does not carry a magic poppins umbrella
 

Make that 9 tees. Although I am proudly one of the few hard core viewers left, I will pass on a Gen shirt. I just know there will be a new, breathtaking character making an appearance any day now. Anibal did not show up til the end of CME and we all Hearted him.
 

Another nice list, Anita! Did I actually feel fondness for some of these characters while reading this? Yes, I think I am connecting. Help! Reel me back in!
 

i agree, rosemary, i also felt pulled back... but then realized Anita is making most of these characters sound like they are smarter and make more logical decisions than they actually do...
 

btw, anita, i feel flattered you used a couple of my nicknames...
great list, though...
 

Highlights o' the mornin':

"If that’s the case, Don G will you put a mask on?"

"Folks…this is how rumors get started"

"I am obsessed with the paralegal hookers who have magic body parts that make men lose all sense of reason."

Thanks, Cynderella!
 

I just had to read the comments, too funny.

I watched the good dogs last night, Westminster.
 

Cynderella--So glad you didn't pay any attention to my suggestion that you take the night off.

Loved your rapt attention to last night's lesson in man-handling while working as an undercover paralegal. We should all be learning the fine techniques of masking our real intentions. But as a novela side-plot, it sucks.
- - - -
Martaivett--Originality is not my strong suit. If there is any hint of cleverness at all, it is owed to you recappers and commenters. I just have fun with what you provide.
Anita
 

Cynderella:

Ay Caray, your running bit..."I am obsessed with the paralegal hookers who have magic body parts that make men lose all sense of reason. My pad is still by me." is just brilliant. Thank you so much for a delightful recap.

The incest theme is writ large, isn't it?

The writers are about as subtle with the hint of incest as the costumers are in re-using Loocrazia's pink satin bustier number for the Mustang Ranch scene. Now ,THAT defines tacky! Re-using lingerie already donned by Lucrazia is a crime against hygiene, as well as good taste.

Cynder...this was such great snark, "She suggests that he sleep with Catherine instead. Don G says no, he can wait until next week to get his sloppy seconds".ROTFL>

Thanks again Cynderella, for a very, very funny recap. DH says he could have really used some hooker-notary-paralegals to help seal the deal in his practice of law. He wondered out loud just how they would have advertised in the yellow pages...

I am sure some of you could write some decent ad copy for those special specialists with a pen and seal at Fresno Mustang Ranch.

EJ
 

Cynderella, first LOL of the morning, "Mustang Ranch-Fresno". It's always good to bring a little west coast brothel history into the recap. Hooker notaries, hee!!

Second really big LOL: "I finally find an episode where I can actually learn something and they keep showing these stupid hotel scenes." More education, we are learning to be irresistible hookers cum notaries. Thanks for spelling out the instructions for us. It seemed like one or two critical steps might have been missing but what do I know? I haven't tried it yet.

Cynderella, thanks so much for the hilarious recap. I hope you find your boyfriend VHCabrera. Tell him to do another telenovela, willya?
 

Cyn - what a fun recap! I loved you spelling out the good hooker steps for us. Doubt I will use them though.

"'Is there a problem with her face?' OMG ! He's got his nerve". Lol lol

Loved "It's like Team Edward vs Team Jacob all over again."

Weird orphanage plotline. I am pleased to hear he has been sending money but a little confused about how they took advantage of him. Huh?

How did Secretia end up with Camila's clothes? They can show Pedro's call to the authorities twice but skip the clothes being stolen scene?

R la O
 

if anyone wants to see PI shirtless, there is a RafaelNovoa.com site with plenty of pictures.
 

"Where is she gonna put that pen and seal?"

Reminds me of the joke where the secretary returns from the bathroom and her office mate asks why she has a tampon stuck in above her ear. The secretary says "Oh shoot...now where did I put my pen?"
 

Cynderella... thanks for the great funny PI style recap!
regarding William when Doris gave him the doc to sign, he was lucid enough to comment that Pig-orio keeps insisting he sell him his crops (but went ahead and signed, so whatever 'job' she did on him still had him in la-la land enough to get him to sign).
 

Sorry if this is written so poorly. I was dog tired when I wrote it.

1.Anyway, Lulu got a servant to go in the room and get the jacket.

2. As for the orphanage. When Sarita and Gabriel were talking about the nun that died, one of them said that Pedro doesn't have to send money to the orphanage anymore. Why not? There are still children in the orphanage. Just because the none died doesn't mean the orphange can't live on. I was trying to be funny, but I guess it didn't come across that way.
 

P.S. Sorry, I am doing a lot of talking today. The title is not mine. I stole it from a movie called: The cook, the theif, his wife and her lover.
 

I'll take one of those I heart Genoveva tees. Why is she the assistant to Camila when she's clearly the only one in Fresno with a brain? The sidekick and the modest prostitute notary are the most interesting characters here.

But in Camila's defense, she did notice her clothes when she burst in the hotel room with Pedro and Antonio, thus ruining Antonio's "I'm sleeping with your true love" plan. And yet even when he gets caught running such a ridiculous scheme, he's still not embarassed. Gotta love that confidence. He'd be great as the next Bachelor. I'm sure his sister wouldn't mind being one of the slutty bachelorettes.

Kelly
 

Cynderella, i really never meant to take over your recap night... and you did a wonderful original funny job with yours... i was sick at home last night and got pretty irritated at the silly episode so i ranted out my reactions here... I had no pun intended against you or the forum.
 

Thanks, Cynderella. I started trying to note my favorite lines to mention, but it was pretty much the whole thing. So funny.

I couldn't believe it when Pedro and Tia appeared STILL having that same conversation over and over again. ARGH. Surely there was another way to fill the time. Are we ever going to find out what happened to Mariana?

Camila sure is generous to provide three nights in the hotel for her mom and brother who so embarrassingly tagged along on her business trip. I'd have put them on the bus back the next day. Actually, I would have put them on a bus to someplace else entirely, some place I didn't intend to ever go. Well, now that Elvira's in town, maybe she can actually get a job, perhaps at the Mustang Ranch.
 

Cynderella, that movie is one of my favorites of the creepy genre. Not that it's one I would watch frequently, just very memorable as you know. Also, I knew what you meant about the orphanage. I'm pretty sure Pedro will keep sending money, but what I was wondering is will he try to visit the orphanage because his favorite nun died? Believe me, your recap was NOT poorly written, it was quite clever and I was literally laughing out loud the whole way through. We all understand about the dog-tired, don't we fellow recappers and commenters who are used to 7:00?

Julia, I can see Elvira being the resident dominatrix over at the Mustang Ranch.
 

I thought they were worried that if Pedro found out the nun had died, he would want to go to Tijuana, and they think this is not a good time for him to leave the ranch.
 

Julia, yes, they (ranch boys)actually said that in the episode, that they would not tell him because things were rather crazy and the last thing they needed was for him to go away.
 

Thanks for the clarification, Cyn! I think I miss a lot while trying to read the cc's. Trust me... You come across as VERY funny! I am loving your humor and your recaps!
 

OK ladies, thanks for the verification on Pedro leaving the ranch. I'd like to think I subconsciously "got" that but, ahem, I doubt it. So is he no longer illegal? If he were that would also be a concern I would think. Maybe he got one of those quickie citizenships along with his quickie acquittal.
 

I think we tentatively established that Pedro got a quickie green card along with his quickie wife, and he never had to pass the interview section because she was crackerbox.
 

Pedro leaves Fresno, arrives in LA on his way south, happens on Mariana who, años después, is still waiting on the street corner to be rescued... Delighted, he hoists her over his shoulder and totes her back to this telenovela.

Thanks, Cyndy. Loved, loved your recap.
 

Thanks for the hilarious recap, Cynderella. You really had me cracking up over the hooker paralegals as well as those poor remaining orphans.

I still can't get over the amateurish writing for this. It really makes me wonder if there is any quality control at all at Univision.

As for our sacerdote, picture Padre Severino listening to Doris' confession. Now that would be worth tuning in for.

Carlos
 

Carlos--Padre Severino would have it all over Fresno by nightfall.
 

Thanks, Cynderella -- very funny stuff indeed! I too loved your running gag about the notary hookers!

Marta -- Adored your rant! It pretty much summarized the love-hate relationship we stalwart Talismaniacs have with this silly but irresistible hour of dreck.

Julia, I think after hearing Pedro's latest conversation with the detective, I know why they haven't found Mariana -- Four (or more?) years after the fact, they are still looking in Fresno! I guess no one has told Pedro about the new-fangled ROAD they put in. It hasn't occurred to him or the brainiac he hired to widen the search area.

Anita and Mike -- wow! What a list! Thank you! You are much better than this thing deserves but we greedily gobble up what you offer.

R la O, I like Geno too but I'm not quite ready to wear the shirt. I'm quite certain a wonderful character is just around the corner (fingers crossed behind back.)

Since everyone is worried about Pedro going to Tijuana, he pretty much has to go, don't you think?
 

Emilia -- what a fabulous idea!

"Pedro leaves Fresno, arrives in LA on his way south, happens on Mariana who, años después, is still waiting on the street corner to be rescued... Delighted, he hoists her over his shoulder and totes her back to this telenovela."

If the writers don't follow your lead, maybe it's time for some BRING BACK MARIANA! tee-shirts.
 

Emilia, great story line. Much better than what the writers will come up with I'm sure.

Carlos, now that you mention Padre S's propensity to blab it really is too bad he's not around. He could just tell the truth, hopefully saving us from hours of repetitive speculation.

NM, you're right. Since everyone is worried then Pedro pretty much has to head south.
 

Ejem. I think we may be forgetting how annoying we were finding Mariana while she was still around. Of course that was before we realized she would be so ill-used...
 

I forgot - Mariana has on the SAME clothes, laundered, ironed and showing no wear and tear.

Word ver: droch my sentiments exactly!
 

Talismaniacs! I like that. That has shirt possibilities.
 

R la O -- I wish I could take credit for "Talismaniacs" but it's Cap'n Sylvia who came up with that gem!
 

How about the front of the t-shirt says

Talismaniacs United

any additional words...Talismaniacs United To Fight Dreck? What about the back?
 

Cynderella
Sometimes plagiarism fits the scenario better & is more clever than anything else.
I just can't believe how clever all of you are, recappers & commenters are. Would that anyone associated with this TN were 1/10th as clever as the Caray group.

I've got it, lets produce a novela, we know all the elements & it certainly has to be better than this dreck. We'll get FC, de la Fuente, WL, Zepeda. Ok. I agree it looks a little weird, so the guys can have some input.
 

Talismaniacs Raisin' Hell ?
 

Ha hahahahahaHAAAAA!!! R la O you are a genius! A diabolical genius. That's the shirt I want.
 

R la O -- Yes!!!!! I want it on the back of my leather jacket!

(Hey, should we have a tattoo parlor at el Tal*Mart?)
 

AS the proud owner of 9 tattoos I vote YES for a tattoo parlor at Tal*Mart.
 

"Talismaniacs Raisin Hell"

YES. That is so brilliant. I will take a shirt with that. The words need to be placed nice and high so my dinner-plate sized belt buckle doesn't cover them.
 

Oh yes, a tattoo parlor is a must. I only have one tattoo but I love it.
 

Can the tattoo parlor do temporaries as well as permanent? Because, unlike our telenovela characters, I am a fan of awesomeness but hate commitment.
 

I'm with Julia. We need to be able to turn over our tattoos according to the TNs we're watching. I'd hate to get stuck with those danglin' avocadoes.
 

Good point. We'll specialize in temporaries. More business that way.
 

Sara, I only have one question, WHY?

"AS the proud owner of 9 tattoos I vote YES for a tattoo parlor at Tal*Mart.."
 

I wouldn't even need to get a tattoo of dangling avocados if I painted my boobs green.
 

Why 9? or Why did I vote Yes?
 

"AS the proud owner of 9 tattoos I vote YES for a tattoo parlor at Tal*Mart."

Yeah, yeah, you and Jacob Sacerdote...

But seriously folks, I believe in full commitment ... um, er ... I think ... ¿Sí o sí?
 

R la O, you're killing me today.
 

I remember a story that a co-worker told me about the rose she had tattooed on her breast, after a few years, it was now long stem.
 

I guess I should keep it a little more on the DL.

I waited until I was well past 30 to get them.
 

Vario: Which is why I waited until after child was born and will not have any boob tatts done.
 

I am so glad I discovered where all the vulgar middle-aged ladies hang out. I feel so much less alone.
 

Blue Lass--ditto
R la O--LMAO

Gah! It's late gotta get outta here and earn my keep.
 

I am splitting a gut laughing at these comments and Cyn's hilarious recap. LOL! Thanks everyone for providing the perfect end to a hectic day. I will go to bed tonight thinking of paralegal hookers and green painted boobs!
 

Between Rosemary's green boobs and Sylvia's testicles, it's getting harder to eat guacamole. Luckily, I drink.

Between Lucrazy and Doris I hope the Tal*Mart plans on stocking lots of temporary tramp stamps. They could have one for eery outfit.

Kelly

ps. The ankle never sags or stretches (hopefully) for anyone inspired by all this discussion.

word ver. amaturse. The writers of this show are amaturse compared to this group.
 

I'll have you all know that I had guacamole for lunch and thought of this group fondly. Our characters not so much.
 

I had some avocado last night, and I have the other half left for tonight. A delicious little Hass, not a monstrous flavorless thing. Naturally I thought of you all while I was eating it. Still surprised they haven't been showcasing the crops they're growing at ElTal and Alcatrash.

On a related note, does it bother anyone else that Tracy never washes the vegetables she takes out of the refrigerator before she starts cutting them up?
 

YES!!! I am a germ and bacteria freak. There are all sorts of nasty things one can get from unwashed vegetables, especially those that come out of the ground.

I wonder if Tracy's relationship with Mister Renato works for her in that he allows her to use his kitchen to make her food? It's a pretty nice looking kitchen but probably not certified for commercial use. She needs to take a safety and sanitation course. She'll never look at food the same way again.
 

NM & Sara--We do have a Tattoo parlor, but it's in Fresno proper, right next to the ATM, not in
Tal*Mart. The ad will be in the next issue of FUG.

Love the new T-shirt line.
Anita
 





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