Saturday, February 11, 2012
El Talismán #10 Fri 2/10/12 Belle de Jour – the Tal*Mart edition.
♪♪It’s in his kiss♪♪
The smooch is staged.
Camila’s enraged.
Will Pedro ever disengage
from Lucrezia?
Pedro finally pulls back from the living thighmaster but the damage is already done. He doesn’t know Camila was watching. Now Genoveva shepherds her friend back to the lobby.
She’s just not that into him ...
Fabiola goes off with Gabriel so Florencia, the Troll’s blonde nieta, can have some alone time with Claudio. Flo wants to let Claudio down gently. She likes him but she’s not in love with him. He thinks she’s brushing him off cuz he’s just a poor boy and she’s from a family of rich degenerates.
And speaking of degenerates ...
The Troll suddenly materializes, grabs Fabiola roughly and, dragging her to his camioneta, threatens to kill Gabriel the next time he catches them together.
Excuse me, Mister Renato, you’re ... um ... drooling on the check.
Rennie calls a friend to get the skinny on Elvira Nájera. Never heard of her? What about Mariana Aceves? Aha! Now there’s a story! So she’s Pedro Ibarra’s wife, the one who disappeared – and rumor has it he’s behind her disappearance? Oho!
Renato knows one thing -- this (and here he pauses to kiss the check) will be mine!
Tracy the mail-carrier from hell
Tracy, having dropped the envelope with the bazillion dollar check in Mister Renato’s house, is now in the kitchen at El Tal to deliver a bunch of years-old junk mail and chew the fat with Domitila. She’s not buying the story that Camila is back in town for vengeance. That doesn’t sound like the Camila she knew. And a Pedro-Camila romance? Not gonna happen, says Domitila.
Certainly not if the bunch of avocado pits at Alcatraz can help it.
To wit:
The plan concocted by Tony&Lu is playing out to perfection...
Back at the Only Hotel Inn-Fresno (™ Julia), Pedro yields to the Thighmaster’s squeeze. Yes, he’ll give her money to keep her safe from her ogre of a father – the same ogre who has him on the brink of ruin.
Camila has recovered from the shock of the staged smooch and now, with Genoveva at her side, she walks up to Pedro’s table. While Cam and Lu are exchanging barbs, Antonio enters on cue and feigns alarm at seeing his sister and Pedro together. What was she thinking? Is she cruising for another bruising like the one daddy gave her earlier?
Credulous Camila thinks Lu must really love Pedro if she’s willing to risk the wrath of the troll. Pedro wants to set the record straight: “She’s a tad ... er ... obsessed with me” he says sheepishly and then babbles about it all being a malentendido.
And lest we forget what daddy Troll is capable of ...
We cut to Alcatraz and see the Troll dragging young Fabiola inside and whipping off his belt. The nanny, Alberta, shields Fabiola from the beating. Her reward: She gets Trumped. (“You’re fired!”).
Not to worry, says Fab once the ogre is gone. Mommy Doris will stand up for her.
Not tonight, sweetcheeks.
Doris has other fish to fry right now. If it weren’t for the suitcase she’s shlepping, in her dark hoodie and sweat pants, she could be getting ready to knock over a 7-Eleven. She tells herself:
Tú vales mucho, Doris – y una vez más te lo voy a mostrar.
(You’re hot stuff, Doris – and I’m gonna show you that one more time)
So is that self-esteem seminar paying off or what?
Fabiola (who may be the only Negrete with an IQ in the triple digits) catches sight of her mother trying to sneak out the door. Where is she going at this time of night? And for that matter, where does she go on the weekends? Doris refuses to explain herself. She’s the mother. She’s the one who gets to ask the questions. And as for Fabiola’s insinuations:
Yo no engaño a Antonio con un hombre, de eso puedes estar segura, lo juro.
(I’m not cheating on Antonio with a man, you can be sure of it, I swear).
In a narrow sense, Doris is telling the truth. But Fabiola knows her mother is hiding something and she’s determined to discover her secret.
Renato, the kept man with no one to keep him, grills Tracy about Elvira. She was her boss and her best friend’s mother – that’s all she’s got to say. Renato wants to know if she’s good-looking.
Well. The actress may have her fans but the character, now sitting on a bus that speeds through the night towards Fresno, Armando dozing at her side, is a nasty bundle of teeth, malice and entitlement. She reads her horoscope aloud and sneers at its promise of love.
Back at the Only Hotel Inn-Fresno™, our inarticulate and ineffectual galán is still trying to get away from the Negrete tag team. When the Thighmaster suggests that Camila may have, you know, a boyfriend, Pedro sputters idiotically:
Un beso habla más que mil palabras.
(A kiss speaks more than a thousand words.)
With that, he rushes out to Camila (why oh why is she still there?) and says they have to talk.
Lucrezia thinks the plan has failed. Antonio is more hopeful:
“Ya el daño está hecho, coqueta”
(The damage has been done, my little flirt. Coqueta=flirt. Doesn’t quite work as a vocative in English, does it? The context makes it creepy in both languages.)
Camila’s not interested in anything the P man has to say – he can go back to his lover Lucrezia and ...
...He shuts her up by grabbing her and slinging her over his shoulder like a sack of so many unripe avocados. (Has a decent actor ever had to humiliate himself more than this? Oh I weep for you and your wasted hotness, Rafa!). Dramatic chords sound. Antonio – he of the belt buckle qua codpiece and the permasmirk – ANTONIO – comes to the rescue. “¡Suéltala!” he commands. (Unhand her!) And Pedro does.
“So you’re living with him in El Alcatraz” says Pedro accusingly. Camila corrects him on two counts: she’s not living with Antonio and she’s WORKING at Alcatraz. Well Pedro thinks the whole “plaga” story is a crock. Camila is obviously back in town to get even. “You know what?” sputters Camilla. “I do want to get back at you for what you did to my family!”
Antonio just stands back and enjoys the show.
Gabriel and Claudio have delivered Florencia back to Alcatraz. Claudio steals one last kiss before Flo runs into the house.
Fabiola tells her sister the Troll fired their nanny.
Tracy can’t figure out why Renato is so interested in Elvira:
Elvira no le conviene – no tiene dinero, no tiene “money”.
(She’s not right for you – she has no money.)
And she’s not exactly young either. Renato is undeterred. He’s in looove with Elvira Nájera, he insists. Now where is she?
The object of his affected affection is still on the bus thinking about how she and Armando will mooch off Camila in Fresno ... she has to be in Fresno ... she has to get even with Gregorio Negrete!
How to Succeed in Business – if you’re a Troll
The Troll is at a restaurant table with a black-shirted guy named Arturo, apparently one of his henchmen. Arturo, per instructions, has made reservations at Madame Brigitte’s. The plan is to take a rich land owner, and under the influence of drink and Mme Brigitte’s ladies, get the guy to sign a contract favorable to the Troll.
Moonlighting
Cut to Mme Brigitte’s casa de citas. We see a lady of the night, an exquisite figure in black stockings and bustier. She is Catherine, the darling of the establishment. She is also ... Doris de Negrete. And tonight the lady is happy, as always, to oblige. Who are the clients? Ah well, they all use assumed names – and the women hide their identities too.
Mme Brigitte is very protective of her girls, especially of Doris. Hells bells, it’s Fresno and you never know who might walk in the door. Doris points to an elaborate mask and says:
Por eso tenemos el juego de la gallinita ciega.
(That’s why we play blind man’s buff)
“Catherine” is the choice when the clients are “special”, the one who can be counted on to drive any man wild. (Any man but her own husband. Sigh. Well one day ...)
Oh God. The Only Hotel Inn™ gang are still at it. Now Antonio is using Pedro’s generosity against him, claiming he gave the Thighmaster money to buy himself time with Camila (does that make sense on any level?) He waves a presumably incriminating paper in Pedro’s handwriting. And Camila is saying she knows Pedro is a jerk and a womanizer. Finally it is Pedro who breaks up the party by leaving. He can’t resist telling Permasmirk: “You’ll never get El Talismán!”.
Genoveva grimaces ruefully, Camilla looks like she’s gonna cry, and Antonio – well, he smirks.
Renato the omniwhore is enjoying himself. He thinks:
Si supieras, Tracy, que la mamá de su amiga es una mujer muy rica ...
(If you only knew, Tracy, that your friend’s mom is a very rich woman ...)
He unstops his carafe of whiskey with a satisfying "pop" and thinks again:
...¿o sería mejor si yo conociera a su hija?
(or would it be better if I met her daughter?)
The Troll tries to get the land-owner, Guillermo, to sign a contract but the guy wants to meet some beautiful women first.
Brigitte is mustering the troops. We see regal Catherine descend the stairs.
Camila and Genoveva leave the hotel.
Antonio and Lucrezia are together when the hotel receptionist hands him an envelope full of money. He tells her she’ll be rewarded for her honesty – and for another little favor he’d like her to do for him. (She looks like she’d be willing to pay him for the privilege of doing him ... a favor.)
Of trysts and tristeza
The Negrete nietas reassure Alberta – they won’t let their grandfather fire her. Alberta isn’t worried – she thinks the Thighmaster is going to protect her.
When Gabriel gets home, Sarita is waiting for him. Yay! They like each other! They’re not related to each other. I forget what the problem is – does she work at the ogre’s house?
The Troll arrives at Mme Brigitte’s burdel, Arturo and Guillermo in tow. He takes the lady aside and hands her the papers he wants to con Guillermo into signing. If Catherine can get his signature, she’ll get a generous tip.
Brigitte tells Doris her suegro is in the house. Cue the ominous background chant.
Pedro drags his sorry trasero back to El Tal just in time to get a phone call from the hotel receptionist. He left an envelope full of cash there, she tells him. (She is following Antonio’s script and he and sis are watching the performance.) Pedro says thanks, he’ll pick it up tomorrow. (If Antonio won’t let his sister accept the money, that’s fine with him – he really needs it.)
“You think the plan will work, coqueta?” Antonio asks the Thighmaster.
“Claro que sí” she assures him.
Camila and Genoveva are back in their quarters at El Alcatraz. Camila’s going to call the boss tomorrow and ask him to send someone to replace her so she can leave Fresno. Geno agrees it would be best to put some distance between her and Pedro.
Camila’s phone sounds. Don’t answer, I tell her. Do. Not. Answer. Nooooooooo! But she does. And it’s Elvira: “We’re here in Fresno at the bus station. You have to come and pick us up!” (Don’t blame me. I told you not to answer.)
Antonio makes a stunning realization: Camila doesn’t know Pedro is married! Why didn’t he think of that before? (Seriously. Why didn’t you? You make up a story about a fake noviazgo when all you had to do was tell her the truth: the guy is married.)
Avances: A bunch of sleazy characters exploit the credulity and stupidity of some pretty dimwitted pretty dimwits
The smooch is staged.
Camila’s enraged.
Will Pedro ever disengage
from Lucrezia?
Pedro finally pulls back from the living thighmaster but the damage is already done. He doesn’t know Camila was watching. Now Genoveva shepherds her friend back to the lobby.
She’s just not that into him ...
Fabiola goes off with Gabriel so Florencia, the Troll’s blonde nieta, can have some alone time with Claudio. Flo wants to let Claudio down gently. She likes him but she’s not in love with him. He thinks she’s brushing him off cuz he’s just a poor boy and she’s from a family of rich degenerates.
And speaking of degenerates ...
The Troll suddenly materializes, grabs Fabiola roughly and, dragging her to his camioneta, threatens to kill Gabriel the next time he catches them together.
Excuse me, Mister Renato, you’re ... um ... drooling on the check.
Rennie calls a friend to get the skinny on Elvira Nájera. Never heard of her? What about Mariana Aceves? Aha! Now there’s a story! So she’s Pedro Ibarra’s wife, the one who disappeared – and rumor has it he’s behind her disappearance? Oho!
Renato knows one thing -- this (and here he pauses to kiss the check) will be mine!
Tracy the mail-carrier from hell
Tracy, having dropped the envelope with the bazillion dollar check in Mister Renato’s house, is now in the kitchen at El Tal to deliver a bunch of years-old junk mail and chew the fat with Domitila. She’s not buying the story that Camila is back in town for vengeance. That doesn’t sound like the Camila she knew. And a Pedro-Camila romance? Not gonna happen, says Domitila.
Certainly not if the bunch of avocado pits at Alcatraz can help it.
To wit:
The plan concocted by Tony&Lu is playing out to perfection...
Back at the Only Hotel Inn-Fresno (™ Julia), Pedro yields to the Thighmaster’s squeeze. Yes, he’ll give her money to keep her safe from her ogre of a father – the same ogre who has him on the brink of ruin.
Camila has recovered from the shock of the staged smooch and now, with Genoveva at her side, she walks up to Pedro’s table. While Cam and Lu are exchanging barbs, Antonio enters on cue and feigns alarm at seeing his sister and Pedro together. What was she thinking? Is she cruising for another bruising like the one daddy gave her earlier?
Credulous Camila thinks Lu must really love Pedro if she’s willing to risk the wrath of the troll. Pedro wants to set the record straight: “She’s a tad ... er ... obsessed with me” he says sheepishly and then babbles about it all being a malentendido.
And lest we forget what daddy Troll is capable of ...
We cut to Alcatraz and see the Troll dragging young Fabiola inside and whipping off his belt. The nanny, Alberta, shields Fabiola from the beating. Her reward: She gets Trumped. (“You’re fired!”).
Not to worry, says Fab once the ogre is gone. Mommy Doris will stand up for her.
Not tonight, sweetcheeks.
Doris has other fish to fry right now. If it weren’t for the suitcase she’s shlepping, in her dark hoodie and sweat pants, she could be getting ready to knock over a 7-Eleven. She tells herself:
Tú vales mucho, Doris – y una vez más te lo voy a mostrar.
(You’re hot stuff, Doris – and I’m gonna show you that one more time)
So is that self-esteem seminar paying off or what?
Fabiola (who may be the only Negrete with an IQ in the triple digits) catches sight of her mother trying to sneak out the door. Where is she going at this time of night? And for that matter, where does she go on the weekends? Doris refuses to explain herself. She’s the mother. She’s the one who gets to ask the questions. And as for Fabiola’s insinuations:
Yo no engaño a Antonio con un hombre, de eso puedes estar segura, lo juro.
(I’m not cheating on Antonio with a man, you can be sure of it, I swear).
In a narrow sense, Doris is telling the truth. But Fabiola knows her mother is hiding something and she’s determined to discover her secret.
Renato, the kept man with no one to keep him, grills Tracy about Elvira. She was her boss and her best friend’s mother – that’s all she’s got to say. Renato wants to know if she’s good-looking.
Well. The actress may have her fans but the character, now sitting on a bus that speeds through the night towards Fresno, Armando dozing at her side, is a nasty bundle of teeth, malice and entitlement. She reads her horoscope aloud and sneers at its promise of love.
Back at the Only Hotel Inn-Fresno™, our inarticulate and ineffectual galán is still trying to get away from the Negrete tag team. When the Thighmaster suggests that Camila may have, you know, a boyfriend, Pedro sputters idiotically:
Un beso habla más que mil palabras.
(A kiss speaks more than a thousand words.)
With that, he rushes out to Camila (why oh why is she still there?) and says they have to talk.
Lucrezia thinks the plan has failed. Antonio is more hopeful:
“Ya el daño está hecho, coqueta”
(The damage has been done, my little flirt. Coqueta=flirt. Doesn’t quite work as a vocative in English, does it? The context makes it creepy in both languages.)
Camila’s not interested in anything the P man has to say – he can go back to his lover Lucrezia and ...
...He shuts her up by grabbing her and slinging her over his shoulder like a sack of so many unripe avocados. (Has a decent actor ever had to humiliate himself more than this? Oh I weep for you and your wasted hotness, Rafa!). Dramatic chords sound. Antonio – he of the belt buckle qua codpiece and the permasmirk – ANTONIO – comes to the rescue. “¡Suéltala!” he commands. (Unhand her!) And Pedro does.
“So you’re living with him in El Alcatraz” says Pedro accusingly. Camila corrects him on two counts: she’s not living with Antonio and she’s WORKING at Alcatraz. Well Pedro thinks the whole “plaga” story is a crock. Camila is obviously back in town to get even. “You know what?” sputters Camilla. “I do want to get back at you for what you did to my family!”
Antonio just stands back and enjoys the show.
Gabriel and Claudio have delivered Florencia back to Alcatraz. Claudio steals one last kiss before Flo runs into the house.
Fabiola tells her sister the Troll fired their nanny.
Tracy can’t figure out why Renato is so interested in Elvira:
Elvira no le conviene – no tiene dinero, no tiene “money”.
(She’s not right for you – she has no money.)
And she’s not exactly young either. Renato is undeterred. He’s in looove with Elvira Nájera, he insists. Now where is she?
The object of his affected affection is still on the bus thinking about how she and Armando will mooch off Camila in Fresno ... she has to be in Fresno ... she has to get even with Gregorio Negrete!
How to Succeed in Business – if you’re a Troll
The Troll is at a restaurant table with a black-shirted guy named Arturo, apparently one of his henchmen. Arturo, per instructions, has made reservations at Madame Brigitte’s. The plan is to take a rich land owner, and under the influence of drink and Mme Brigitte’s ladies, get the guy to sign a contract favorable to the Troll.
Moonlighting
Cut to Mme Brigitte’s casa de citas. We see a lady of the night, an exquisite figure in black stockings and bustier. She is Catherine, the darling of the establishment. She is also ... Doris de Negrete. And tonight the lady is happy, as always, to oblige. Who are the clients? Ah well, they all use assumed names – and the women hide their identities too.
Mme Brigitte is very protective of her girls, especially of Doris. Hells bells, it’s Fresno and you never know who might walk in the door. Doris points to an elaborate mask and says:
Por eso tenemos el juego de la gallinita ciega.
(That’s why we play blind man’s buff)
“Catherine” is the choice when the clients are “special”, the one who can be counted on to drive any man wild. (Any man but her own husband. Sigh. Well one day ...)
Oh God. The Only Hotel Inn™ gang are still at it. Now Antonio is using Pedro’s generosity against him, claiming he gave the Thighmaster money to buy himself time with Camila (does that make sense on any level?) He waves a presumably incriminating paper in Pedro’s handwriting. And Camila is saying she knows Pedro is a jerk and a womanizer. Finally it is Pedro who breaks up the party by leaving. He can’t resist telling Permasmirk: “You’ll never get El Talismán!”.
Genoveva grimaces ruefully, Camilla looks like she’s gonna cry, and Antonio – well, he smirks.
Renato the omniwhore is enjoying himself. He thinks:
Si supieras, Tracy, que la mamá de su amiga es una mujer muy rica ...
(If you only knew, Tracy, that your friend’s mom is a very rich woman ...)
He unstops his carafe of whiskey with a satisfying "pop" and thinks again:
...¿o sería mejor si yo conociera a su hija?
(or would it be better if I met her daughter?)
The Troll tries to get the land-owner, Guillermo, to sign a contract but the guy wants to meet some beautiful women first.
Brigitte is mustering the troops. We see regal Catherine descend the stairs.
Camila and Genoveva leave the hotel.
Antonio and Lucrezia are together when the hotel receptionist hands him an envelope full of money. He tells her she’ll be rewarded for her honesty – and for another little favor he’d like her to do for him. (She looks like she’d be willing to pay him for the privilege of doing him ... a favor.)
Of trysts and tristeza
The Negrete nietas reassure Alberta – they won’t let their grandfather fire her. Alberta isn’t worried – she thinks the Thighmaster is going to protect her.
When Gabriel gets home, Sarita is waiting for him. Yay! They like each other! They’re not related to each other. I forget what the problem is – does she work at the ogre’s house?
The Troll arrives at Mme Brigitte’s burdel, Arturo and Guillermo in tow. He takes the lady aside and hands her the papers he wants to con Guillermo into signing. If Catherine can get his signature, she’ll get a generous tip.
Brigitte tells Doris her suegro is in the house. Cue the ominous background chant.
Pedro drags his sorry trasero back to El Tal just in time to get a phone call from the hotel receptionist. He left an envelope full of cash there, she tells him. (She is following Antonio’s script and he and sis are watching the performance.) Pedro says thanks, he’ll pick it up tomorrow. (If Antonio won’t let his sister accept the money, that’s fine with him – he really needs it.)
“You think the plan will work, coqueta?” Antonio asks the Thighmaster.
“Claro que sí” she assures him.
Camila and Genoveva are back in their quarters at El Alcatraz. Camila’s going to call the boss tomorrow and ask him to send someone to replace her so she can leave Fresno. Geno agrees it would be best to put some distance between her and Pedro.
Camila’s phone sounds. Don’t answer, I tell her. Do. Not. Answer. Nooooooooo! But she does. And it’s Elvira: “We’re here in Fresno at the bus station. You have to come and pick us up!” (Don’t blame me. I told you not to answer.)
Antonio makes a stunning realization: Camila doesn’t know Pedro is married! Why didn’t he think of that before? (Seriously. Why didn’t you? You make up a story about a fake noviazgo when all you had to do was tell her the truth: the guy is married.)
Avances: A bunch of sleazy characters exploit the credulity and stupidity of some pretty dimwitted pretty dimwits
Labels: Talisman
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I only saw the last 10-15 minutes, but as usual you have captured all that is EL TAL.
WTF? was that last night? The Best Little Whorehouse in Fresno meets Phantom of the Opera?
Fresno has a whorehouse in it!/Lord have mercy on our souls!
WTF? was that last night? The Best Little Whorehouse in Fresno meets Phantom of the Opera?
Fresno has a whorehouse in it!/Lord have mercy on our souls!
Novela Maven, Poet Laureate of Fresno - My heart was going out to you last night while watching this. I was thinking "What could she ever find entertaining about this episode for the re-cap?". But, by darn, you did it! The recap is delightful. Had I not seen the show I'd think it was not so bad. Thank you for the miracle.
I actually had a dream last night where I thought I'd try to help with the re-cap but the only funny line I could come up with was..... drum roll please.... remember this was in a dream..... given Camila's cute outfit with that fun belt, if Camila and Antonio got married, "we could call them Mr. and Mrs. BeltBuckle"! Well, it was funny in my dream.
I guess we aren't surprised that Doris is SO good in bed, as we keep getting reminded, that she actually gets paid for it.
We definitely need to sell Glitter Hooker Masks in Tal*Mart.
Rosemary la Otra
I actually had a dream last night where I thought I'd try to help with the re-cap but the only funny line I could come up with was..... drum roll please.... remember this was in a dream..... given Camila's cute outfit with that fun belt, if Camila and Antonio got married, "we could call them Mr. and Mrs. BeltBuckle"! Well, it was funny in my dream.
I guess we aren't surprised that Doris is SO good in bed, as we keep getting reminded, that she actually gets paid for it.
We definitely need to sell Glitter Hooker Masks in Tal*Mart.
Rosemary la Otra
NovelaMaven, I got up early so I could enjoy your recap before heading out to the wind and waves and it was SO worth it!! I knew from the title and serenade I was in for a fun ride. I can't repeat all my favorite lines because that would be practically the entire recap, but I'll name a few...
First of all, living Thighmaster, bwahahaha!!! If I were a guy I'd be right scared of LooKrazia; all her body parts look designed to kill or maim, as luscious as they are.
And hey, did you notice we actually got some action before our galan's droning conversations ensued? I couldn't believe it. Also, we got a few more facial expressions out of Pedro other than confused incredulity. We got annoyed incredulity, a bit of sarcasm, and a few more eye rolls and eyebrow wiggles.
I almost fell off my chair laughing at Doris all decked out in her unibomber-wear. "So is that self-esteem seminar paying off or what?" is too perfect.
"Renato, the kept man with no one to keep him," is brilliant. Your descriptions of his future love/torture Elvifra are also hilarious, "a nasty bundle of teeth, malice and entitlement."
I totally get creeped out when Antonio calls Lu "coqueta", and he does it all the time, ewwwwww! However Antonio really was a hoot last night, the way he "stood back and enjoyed the show".
Who is Sarita? Have we met her before?
Sara, "The Best Little Whorehouse in Fresno meets Phantom of the Opera", good one!
Finally, my heart aches for Rafael Novoa nearly every night and you summed up the feeling perfectly: "Has a decent actor ever had to humiliate himself more than this? Oh I weep for you and your wasted hotness, Rafa!" All I can say is I hope the pay is worth it.
First of all, living Thighmaster, bwahahaha!!! If I were a guy I'd be right scared of LooKrazia; all her body parts look designed to kill or maim, as luscious as they are.
And hey, did you notice we actually got some action before our galan's droning conversations ensued? I couldn't believe it. Also, we got a few more facial expressions out of Pedro other than confused incredulity. We got annoyed incredulity, a bit of sarcasm, and a few more eye rolls and eyebrow wiggles.
I almost fell off my chair laughing at Doris all decked out in her unibomber-wear. "So is that self-esteem seminar paying off or what?" is too perfect.
"Renato, the kept man with no one to keep him," is brilliant. Your descriptions of his future love/torture Elvifra are also hilarious, "a nasty bundle of teeth, malice and entitlement."
I totally get creeped out when Antonio calls Lu "coqueta", and he does it all the time, ewwwwww! However Antonio really was a hoot last night, the way he "stood back and enjoyed the show".
Who is Sarita? Have we met her before?
Sara, "The Best Little Whorehouse in Fresno meets Phantom of the Opera", good one!
Finally, my heart aches for Rafael Novoa nearly every night and you summed up the feeling perfectly: "Has a decent actor ever had to humiliate himself more than this? Oh I weep for you and your wasted hotness, Rafa!" All I can say is I hope the pay is worth it.
Good morning, NovelaMaven. Once again I'm captivated by your talent and style. This recap is such a pleasing way to begin a Sat. morning.
Last night I watched ET in stunned amazement. Can this show get any worse? Well apparently it can.
Let's see...
The Negrete nietas risk the wrath of their grumpy grampa who a crazed murderous despot so Florencia can tell Claudio that she's not that into him? Really? Couldn't have as easily just put that in her note? Maybe the ice cream at that place is worth risking your life for.
Doris is building self-confidence and self-esteem by working in a whorehouse? Did I miss an Opra episode?
It hadn't occurred to Lu and Tony to reveal Pedro's marital status?
Why in the world is Tracy hanging out with a geriatric loser who has declared that he is in love with a woman he has never seen because of a 4 year-old check signed by a woman who has been missing for the past 4 years?
Why do most of the vehicles in Fresno Ca. have Florida license plates?
And yet, there I sat last night transfixed before the television set, rewinding from time to time to assure I missed nothing.
Carlos
Last night I watched ET in stunned amazement. Can this show get any worse? Well apparently it can.
Let's see...
The Negrete nietas risk the wrath of their grumpy grampa who a crazed murderous despot so Florencia can tell Claudio that she's not that into him? Really? Couldn't have as easily just put that in her note? Maybe the ice cream at that place is worth risking your life for.
Doris is building self-confidence and self-esteem by working in a whorehouse? Did I miss an Opra episode?
It hadn't occurred to Lu and Tony to reveal Pedro's marital status?
Why in the world is Tracy hanging out with a geriatric loser who has declared that he is in love with a woman he has never seen because of a 4 year-old check signed by a woman who has been missing for the past 4 years?
Why do most of the vehicles in Fresno Ca. have Florida license plates?
And yet, there I sat last night transfixed before the television set, rewinding from time to time to assure I missed nothing.
Carlos
LOL Carlos - you always notice such funny things like the Florida license plates. And yet, you rewind. lol
Sounds like Tracy works for Mr. Renato and is due some back pay. How silly the story line is that Mr. Renato is in love with Elvira. Ya, love at first sight (of the cashier's check).
And Tracy referring to Camila as her best friend? I haven't been able to get a letter to her for 4 years, but she's mi mejor amiga.
Nana sure looks a lot like Cheri Oteri.
R la O
Sounds like Tracy works for Mr. Renato and is due some back pay. How silly the story line is that Mr. Renato is in love with Elvira. Ya, love at first sight (of the cashier's check).
And Tracy referring to Camila as her best friend? I haven't been able to get a letter to her for 4 years, but she's mi mejor amiga.
Nana sure looks a lot like Cheri Oteri.
R la O
Wait. Renato hasn't even seen the Woodchuck? Oh for heaven's sake.
I really *haven't* been paying attention.
I just want to say again how disturbed I was by the masked ladies of ill-repute. Really creeped me out.
Maybe one of the gentlemen can confirm, but I thought I saw one of the ladies in the same hot pink lingerie worn by LooLoo when she was doing her Pop goes the Sleazy routine.
I really *haven't* been paying attention.
I just want to say again how disturbed I was by the masked ladies of ill-repute. Really creeped me out.
Maybe one of the gentlemen can confirm, but I thought I saw one of the ladies in the same hot pink lingerie worn by LooLoo when she was doing her Pop goes the Sleazy routine.
A brothel?? A brothel?!!? And a bus just hit the plane that crashed the train. Must...avert...eyes...Arghhh...can't not look...
How can anyone NOT like this show? And who the hell is Sarita? Have we seen her before?
Has a show like this ever killed a career or can they usually move on? Aaron was also in Barrera de Amor and he still has jobs. Sort of.
Kelly
How can anyone NOT like this show? And who the hell is Sarita? Have we seen her before?
Has a show like this ever killed a career or can they usually move on? Aaron was also in Barrera de Amor and he still has jobs. Sort of.
Kelly
Permalink posted by 
: Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 1:19:00 PM EST
: Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 1:19:00 PM EST
"And a bus just hit the plane that crashed the train."
---
This is the house that Univision built.
This is the train that hit the house that Univision built.
This is the plane that crashed into the train that hit the house that Univision built.
This is the bus that banged into the plane, that crashed into the train, that hit the house that Univision built...
---
This is the house that Univision built.
This is the train that hit the house that Univision built.
This is the plane that crashed into the train that hit the house that Univision built.
This is the bus that banged into the plane, that crashed into the train, that hit the house that Univision built...
First, NovelaMaven, you did a masterful job with recapitulating last night's show. Your version was far more coherent and entertaining than the actual capitulo. Thank you for providing my new favorite Saturday morning entertainment—your recap of El Mal-Tal.
Sara, not only does Fresno have a whorehouse/Phantom of the Opera combo, but it's the real deal with slightly rococo furnishings, a madam with a bad bob hairpiece, a prominent staircase on which to feature the merchandize and fake Venetian masks to even further confuse the storyline. Since we have already seen a plethora or trite contrivances in this "hot mess" of a telenovela (™JudyB) I guess we can expect some Cymbeline-type misunderstandings in our future.
And NovelaMaven—Thanks for sending your condolences to Sr Novoa. He needs them.
Carlos: you have summed up the utter stupidity of El Talisman with this question, "Why in the world is Tracy hanging out with a geriatric loser who has declared that he is in love with a woman he has never seen because of a 4 year-old check signed by a woman who has been missing for the past 4 years?"
I duhno, why?
Finally, why does the stalkerish ElTal ranchhand look so offended that one of the "F" sisters isn't in love with him? Consider yourself lucky, man, since she's about 14 and you're look like you are way over 18 as well as being undocumented. Statutory rape is no laughing matter.
EJ
Sara, not only does Fresno have a whorehouse/Phantom of the Opera combo, but it's the real deal with slightly rococo furnishings, a madam with a bad bob hairpiece, a prominent staircase on which to feature the merchandize and fake Venetian masks to even further confuse the storyline. Since we have already seen a plethora or trite contrivances in this "hot mess" of a telenovela (™JudyB) I guess we can expect some Cymbeline-type misunderstandings in our future.
And NovelaMaven—Thanks for sending your condolences to Sr Novoa. He needs them.
Carlos: you have summed up the utter stupidity of El Talisman with this question, "Why in the world is Tracy hanging out with a geriatric loser who has declared that he is in love with a woman he has never seen because of a 4 year-old check signed by a woman who has been missing for the past 4 years?"
I duhno, why?
Finally, why does the stalkerish ElTal ranchhand look so offended that one of the "F" sisters isn't in love with him? Consider yourself lucky, man, since she's about 14 and you're look like you are way over 18 as well as being undocumented. Statutory rape is no laughing matter.
EJ
But this is Fantasy Fresno EJ. The cops don't arrest anyone in this town. Statutory rape? Fuhgedaboutit! Lol
Did I hear the younger "F" sister (good one, EJ!) tell the older "F" sister that she does actually like Carlito (is that his name, I forget)but it is just too hard given her mom and grandpa?
Sara and R la O:
I am sure you two have the right of it; on both fronts.
Carlos is right to wonder if El Mal-Tal can get any worse. I can't say Carlos, amigo, but the writers here are giving us a valiant effort. Certainly it is the worst telenovela I have ever watched.
Great comments and recaps though...gotta love the community. Anyway, they say that misery loves company...
EJ
I am sure you two have the right of it; on both fronts.
Carlos is right to wonder if El Mal-Tal can get any worse. I can't say Carlos, amigo, but the writers here are giving us a valiant effort. Certainly it is the worst telenovela I have ever watched.
Great comments and recaps though...gotta love the community. Anyway, they say that misery loves company...
EJ
So, so far the younger "F" sister is not the hell-raiser that her dad and mom and aunt and grandpa are. She has the best sense of all of them?
I wonder what Pig's wife was like? Do we know how she died? Do we even know if she died or did she run like a bat out of Fresno?
Oh man.... word verification: Sword. Now I am missing Augie and Jero even more.
I wonder what Pig's wife was like? Do we know how she died? Do we even know if she died or did she run like a bat out of Fresno?
Oh man.... word verification: Sword. Now I am missing Augie and Jero even more.
And once again, the rarefied air of the Caray recapper gets all stinkied up by the likes of ElTal... Aye,yi, yi!! And yet, NovelaMaven, you held your nose and soldiered on. Bless you, m'dear!! If it weren't for the recaps (and the comments) I'd have ditched this one after ep. 2. Thank you for the Saturday treat.
Sylvia, I was out (of my mind??) yesterday and didn't thank you for your delightful take on stinkdom. My only comment for yesterday was: aren't we glad Antonio puts his gym socks in the FRONT of his pants?!
Florida license plates? I gotta quit trying to read the CCs and pay attention. Most lines are repeated enough times that eventually the meaning sinks in.
Anita, please put me down for one of those Mardi Gras masks, hee, hee...
Sylvia, I was out (of my mind??) yesterday and didn't thank you for your delightful take on stinkdom. My only comment for yesterday was: aren't we glad Antonio puts his gym socks in the FRONT of his pants?!
Florida license plates? I gotta quit trying to read the CCs and pay attention. Most lines are repeated enough times that eventually the meaning sinks in.
Anita, please put me down for one of those Mardi Gras masks, hee, hee...
Emilia - I just read your gym socks comment to a room full of young ladies and it was well received! LOL.... visualizing if the gym sock were NOT in the FRONT of his pants.
They are here watching their bf's on the Ute basketball team play an away game on a cable station we have at our house. Basically, you have been half-time entertainment! Oh and now my daughter is telling them about avocados / hanging testicles. She just told them that I called her downstairs to look at Sylvia's new picture at 11:00 one night. Did I really do that? Oops. haha
Are we having fun yet? I am!
R la O
They are here watching their bf's on the Ute basketball team play an away game on a cable station we have at our house. Basically, you have been half-time entertainment! Oh and now my daughter is telling them about avocados / hanging testicles. She just told them that I called her downstairs to look at Sylvia's new picture at 11:00 one night. Did I really do that? Oops. haha
Are we having fun yet? I am!
R la O
Emilia:
"My only comment for yesterday was: aren't we glad Antonio puts his gym socks in the FRONT of his pants?!" ™Emilia
O my you made me laugh, my twisted sistah.(Wiping tears from eyes)...
Bingo! Snark of the day award! Gym socks down the back of Antonio's pants would probably make this humble telenovela a career-ender for handsome Aaron Diaz .
Anita, you may just have to mine the comments on El Tal for one of your "Best Of" lists, perhaps a best clever insults book to seel at the airport. Julia, Mike, Emilia, Carlos, Sylvia, 'Maven, Sara, R la O, Vivi... well, I think it is safe to say you have real droll talent over here.
EJ
"My only comment for yesterday was: aren't we glad Antonio puts his gym socks in the FRONT of his pants?!" ™Emilia
O my you made me laugh, my twisted sistah.(Wiping tears from eyes)...
Bingo! Snark of the day award! Gym socks down the back of Antonio's pants would probably make this humble telenovela a career-ender for handsome Aaron Diaz .
Anita, you may just have to mine the comments on El Tal for one of your "Best Of" lists, perhaps a best clever insults book to seel at the airport. Julia, Mike, Emilia, Carlos, Sylvia, 'Maven, Sara, R la O, Vivi... well, I think it is safe to say you have real droll talent over here.
EJ
NovelaMaven, I think you are one top-notch recapper! Thank you very kindly - I especially appreciate your translations during the narrative.
OK - shall we make a list of the actors y actrizes that we think deserve much better than this... well, as Pedro said to Antonio last night, "tu eres un perro", yes, this stinkin' wet dog of a TN. Let's offer some nominees and I'll put them on La Plaza in addition to right here with the hope that Univision will see it. Kelly, I share your concern about this damaging some careers.
Meester Renato y Elvira together. Ooo, this could get sleazier than a McDonald's grease trap. What a pair of losers.
Sara, the same pink lingerie? The Pear Robe is one thing, lingerie seems quite another.
Can we assume that Madame Brigitte is astute enough to keep her Rolodex in a safe deposit box? Loved the masks. Wonder if they stay on "during."
And, Julia, your "Only Hotel Inn..." is an instant classic! I'm glad NovelaMaven added the trademark symbol. Perfect.
OK - shall we make a list of the actors y actrizes that we think deserve much better than this... well, as Pedro said to Antonio last night, "tu eres un perro", yes, this stinkin' wet dog of a TN. Let's offer some nominees and I'll put them on La Plaza in addition to right here with the hope that Univision will see it. Kelly, I share your concern about this damaging some careers.
Meester Renato y Elvira together. Ooo, this could get sleazier than a McDonald's grease trap. What a pair of losers.
Sara, the same pink lingerie? The Pear Robe is one thing, lingerie seems quite another.
Can we assume that Madame Brigitte is astute enough to keep her Rolodex in a safe deposit box? Loved the masks. Wonder if they stay on "during."
And, Julia, your "Only Hotel Inn..." is an instant classic! I'm glad NovelaMaven added the trademark symbol. Perfect.
I can't take credit for the 'gym socks' bit. Mike told me an old joke loooong ago about a none-too-bright feller who complained to a buddy that he was having trouble getting girls. His pal said to put a potato in his pants. You can see where this is going.....
OMG OMG OMG: The Thighmaster. Now I can’t stop wondering if she’s going to do one of those Brigitte Nielsen “Blade Runner” numbers on someone…
Other favorites from NovelaMaven’s recap:
“he’s just a poor boy and she’s from a family of rich degenerates”
“So is that self-esteem seminar paying off or what?”
“slinging her over his shoulder like a sack of so many unripe avocados”
“She looks like she’d be willing to pay him for the privilege of doing him ... a favor.”
And I haven’t even read the comments yet!
Other favorites from NovelaMaven’s recap:
“he’s just a poor boy and she’s from a family of rich degenerates”
“So is that self-esteem seminar paying off or what?”
“slinging her over his shoulder like a sack of so many unripe avocados”
“She looks like she’d be willing to pay him for the privilege of doing him ... a favor.”
And I haven’t even read the comments yet!
Permalink posted by : Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 5:17:00 PM EST
: Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 5:17:00 PM EST
I'm bailing on this one, it has out Mejiaed Mejia.
Courage viewers, especially the recappers
Courage viewers, especially the recappers
Permalink posted by : Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 5:53:00 PM EST
: Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 5:53:00 PM EST
Hmmm...I wonder if The Only Whorehouse in Fresno shares the same mixmaster parking lot with everything else?
Permalink posted by : Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 6:07:00 PM EST
: Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 6:07:00 PM EST
NM,
I love reading your recaps! This is my first novella since Triunfo and I was so happy to find out you were recapping again! You have that knack of translating the exact line that's tricky for Spanish learners to understand.
Sara (another hilarious recapper I remember!) ita about the hot pink lingerie. I had the same thought when she turned up in it. I will never understand this story line (Fedra in Llena de Amor, Doris). Where the wealthy lady of the house gets her kicks working in a brothel?! Are we supposed to think its fun???
Rosemary, the Troll must have had one hot wife to overcome his bad genes and spawn Aaron Diaz and LooKrazy.
And what were LooKrazy and AntoniOSG trying to get Pedro to do in the restaurant.....it seemed like at one point they were trying to talk Pedro into hiding LooKrazy? It seemed like he was about to go along with their silly, half baked plan.
Thanks for the highly entertaining recap and comments!!
Katy
I love reading your recaps! This is my first novella since Triunfo and I was so happy to find out you were recapping again! You have that knack of translating the exact line that's tricky for Spanish learners to understand.
Sara (another hilarious recapper I remember!) ita about the hot pink lingerie. I had the same thought when she turned up in it. I will never understand this story line (Fedra in Llena de Amor, Doris). Where the wealthy lady of the house gets her kicks working in a brothel?! Are we supposed to think its fun???
Rosemary, the Troll must have had one hot wife to overcome his bad genes and spawn Aaron Diaz and LooKrazy.
And what were LooKrazy and AntoniOSG trying to get Pedro to do in the restaurant.....it seemed like at one point they were trying to talk Pedro into hiding LooKrazy? It seemed like he was about to go along with their silly, half baked plan.
Thanks for the highly entertaining recap and comments!!
Katy
Permalink posted by : Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 6:13:00 PM EST
: Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 6:13:00 PM EST
I think the vagueness about Don Gag's wife pretty much guarantees that she'll turn up again. Dare we hope that she's actually sane? That she ran off in horror after realizing that she was the only non-feral primate in the Monkey House?
Nah...didn't think so.
Nah...didn't think so.
Permalink posted by : Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 6:33:00 PM EST
: Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 6:33:00 PM EST
Katy - My condolences that THIS muck is your return to novelaland after a hiatus.
I think Antonio was trying to insinuate, in front of Camila, that Lucrecia needed hiding from her dad because of her torrid love affair with Pedro. As you know, there has never been a thing between them. They are just trying to get Camila to hate Pedro.
I think Antonio was trying to insinuate, in front of Camila, that Lucrecia needed hiding from her dad because of her torrid love affair with Pedro. As you know, there has never been a thing between them. They are just trying to get Camila to hate Pedro.
Thanks, NM. This show is just sooo weird, and now we have the younger generation adding some youthful weirdness. The masks at the brothel make me think of a novela called ''Bella'' that was on Telemundo a little while ago. That one featured Bella , the belle of her town ...at least with the men folk. She used to don masks and costumes and have a sort of lottery for the chance to sleep with her. It was a bizarre but fun show. This show , so far, is just bizarre.
Permalink posted by : Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 8:00:00 PM EST
: Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 8:00:00 PM EST
Blue Lass, I'm holding out hope that donG's wife turns up. I can't recall any mention of her by anyone in the show so far. Of course I suppose it's possible that he could have bumped her off so he could chase his dream with Matilde. Also, he and Antonio seem to despise each other so much that I wonder if Greg is really Tony's dad.
In that same vein, in view of the way Elvira behaves, I'd like to see paternity testing on the Nájera sibs.
Carlos
In that same vein, in view of the way Elvira behaves, I'd like to see paternity testing on the Nájera sibs.
Carlos
Ay, ay, ay, another tour de force, Ms.Novela Maven. I just sat through 6 hours of Gotterdamerung and although it had some wonderful telenovela elements in it, it had a satisfying beginning, middle and ending.
Will post more tomorrow. I do have a fresh issue of the Freesnow Underground Gazette ready (with a paid advertisement from Tal*Mart).
Anita
Will post more tomorrow. I do have a fresh issue of the Freesnow Underground Gazette ready (with a paid advertisement from Tal*Mart).
Anita
It's so cool to come home and find all these generous and clever comments waiting to be read. Thanks so much, guys.
I could be way off but I'm assuming that the bordello subplot here and the telenovela "Bella" were both inspired by the classic French flick, "Belle de Jour", in which Catherine Deneuve played a bored, rich housewife turned high-class call-girl. With a bit of squinting and a lot of good will, you might say Doris's "Catherine" looks a bit like Catherine's "Belle".
I love all your speculations and predictions about where this shambling mess of a narrative is heading. Personally, I think all rules of logic -- even telenovelógica -- have been set aside. We are in a random universe here and all bets are off. (Too bad Estegone didn't get the memo on time.)
I will, however, venture to make one prediction: Mister Renato will go Elviral!
Anita, the public is clamoring for FUG. I can't wait to see the newest issue.
I could be way off but I'm assuming that the bordello subplot here and the telenovela "Bella" were both inspired by the classic French flick, "Belle de Jour", in which Catherine Deneuve played a bored, rich housewife turned high-class call-girl. With a bit of squinting and a lot of good will, you might say Doris's "Catherine" looks a bit like Catherine's "Belle".
I love all your speculations and predictions about where this shambling mess of a narrative is heading. Personally, I think all rules of logic -- even telenovelógica -- have been set aside. We are in a random universe here and all bets are off. (Too bad Estegone didn't get the memo on time.)
I will, however, venture to make one prediction: Mister Renato will go Elviral!
Anita, the public is clamoring for FUG. I can't wait to see the newest issue.
As for "who the hell is Sarita?"
I think -- don't hold me to this --she is part of the "servidumbre" as the snotty Thighmaster might say. I do know she and Gabriel were shown as a couple in an earlier episode.
Since Gabriel works for Pedro, I'm thinking Sarita probably works on Team Troll -- otherwise, the Potential Tsuris Index (PTI) for this inoffensive couple would be unacceptably low.
I think -- don't hold me to this --she is part of the "servidumbre" as the snotty Thighmaster might say. I do know she and Gabriel were shown as a couple in an earlier episode.
Since Gabriel works for Pedro, I'm thinking Sarita probably works on Team Troll -- otherwise, the Potential Tsuris Index (PTI) for this inoffensive couple would be unacceptably low.
NM, I remember "Belle de Jour". It was pretty controversial for its subject matter when it came out back in 1967. Certainly not something that decent people (sniff!) found the least bit worthy. Anyway.
Carlos, at one point Don G said to Loocrazy -- and not in a nice way -- "you're more like your mother all the time," or something like that. Doesn't bode well for mama turning out normal, does it?
Those bordello scenes were right out of “Eyes Wide Shut.” We should definitely get some of those masques for Tal*Mart. I think the Scientologists sell them.
Those bordello scenes were right out of “Eyes Wide Shut.” We should definitely get some of those masques for Tal*Mart. I think the Scientologists sell them.
Permalink posted by : Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 10:48:00 PM EST
: Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 10:48:00 PM EST
I painted my living room ceiling this afternoon before kicking back to watch this show, and now I can report with certainty that staring at the ceiling watching paint dry is more interesting than Pedro and Camila having the same argument for the 47th time.
Nonetheless, I am getting a real kick out of this circus. I find Antonio's mustache-twirly villainy quite droll. The dame-dependent dandy is a great addition; who more than Elvira deserves to be swindled? And a whorehouse! Wow. So far, though, it is no La Mala Noche.
Thank you Novela Maven for taking such a brilliant turn leading the camp activities!
The recap plus the comments...if laughter is the best medicine, we could market this as a cure-all.
Nonetheless, I am getting a real kick out of this circus. I find Antonio's mustache-twirly villainy quite droll. The dame-dependent dandy is a great addition; who more than Elvira deserves to be swindled? And a whorehouse! Wow. So far, though, it is no La Mala Noche.
Thank you Novela Maven for taking such a brilliant turn leading the camp activities!
The recap plus the comments...if laughter is the best medicine, we could market this as a cure-all.
I saw Belle de Jour a few years ago at the contemporary art museum. It was g-rated Disney compared to this show and Lucrazy.
Thanks NovelaMaven for the info on Sarita. I thought they threw someone in to make up for those that bailed.
Waiting for the meteor to land on the house of Univision,
Kelly
Thanks NovelaMaven for the info on Sarita. I thought they threw someone in to make up for those that bailed.
Waiting for the meteor to land on the house of Univision,
Kelly
Permalink posted by : Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 2:22:00 AM EST
: Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 2:22:00 AM EST
Rosemary, that's also my question. I have been wondering whether Pigorio murdered her and whether somebody will come out of the woodwork with that information.
This novela is certainly a hot mess. I hope all these actors' careers can recover from it.
I am doubting that Pigorio will find out about Doris this time; this will be a Classic Close Call.
Great snark, NovelaMaven.
This novela is certainly a hot mess. I hope all these actors' careers can recover from it.
I am doubting that Pigorio will find out about Doris this time; this will be a Classic Close Call.
Great snark, NovelaMaven.
Perhaps Sra. Pigorio is, and has been for some time, a raving drooling hag in the basement. Only Pigorio and one or two trusted servants are aware.
Nah. That could almost be interesting.
Nah. That could almost be interesting.
NovelaMaven- This was a fabulous weekend read. And you managed to link this low rent tn to a high brow art house French film. Now, THAT'S talent!
I thought I could watch on Friday, but I found myself reaching for the remote and turning off the tv instead. Now I see that I missed some fun man-whore and whorehouse action. Now this thing is getting interesting.
I thought I could watch on Friday, but I found myself reaching for the remote and turning off the tv instead. Now I see that I missed some fun man-whore and whorehouse action. Now this thing is getting interesting.
Hah. We'll pull you back in, Vivi...
Permalink posted by : Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 10:24:00 AM EST
: Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 10:24:00 AM EST
FREESNOW UNDERGROUND GAZETTE
Vol.1, n.1 - Valentine Edition Section A
(Starting over under new name—old management)
Editorial: We here at FUG wish to acknowledge the contributions of all our recappers and commenters without whose unfailingly sardonic contributions, we would not be the newsdisburser we are today.
Valentine’s Day Wishes (Just remember, wishes don’t always come true--and they don't grow on avocado trees either.)
--I think we should keep making more wishes. We wished for the normalcy of meals, and people started eating, or at least sitting down in front of food while they talked. We wished for them to actually do stuff, and some of them started doing ranch work and dropping kids off at school and kidnapping people and then chucking them over fences.
--Now I wish Pedro would explain to Camila about Mariana, that when she whines about being thrown out in the street with nothing, he'll say something about the money he tried to give her mother (whatever did become of that?), and that Camila will stop believing the worst as soon as some evil jerk suggests it.
--I wish Pedro would start looking a bit more hot (as in ooh la la) and wear better-fitting clothes.
--We'll have better luck wishing for things we might actually get, like fruit on trees and better hairdos.
--Some new detectives, please.
PAID ADVERTISEMENT FROM TAL*MART
Specials for Valentine’s Day
*Latest fashion jewelry artfully crafted by skilled artisans made exclusively from avocado pits.
*Unibomber-wear. For something different. Get those special looks from your loved ones that you haven’t seen them give you in a long long time. Set aside your RameraWear™ and try out some of our unique Unibomber-wear. Don’t worry about size or color. One size fits all not too well and you can have any color as long as it’s black.
*Slightly used pink lingerie, size 0, can only be sold to skinny actrizes in El Talismán with long legs and oversized bosoms.
For your Valentine’s Day masquerade party—Yo Mama’s™ Glitter Hooker Masks, no doubt about it--$35.00 each (some with feathers, others with conchas or tiaras, all with heavy make-up already applied) This was a special delivery through our middleman supplier, Los Cientolojistas, S.A., up from Tijuana in the last 18-wheeler to make it through. Brought to you de Puerta a Puerta from the Maquiladora Reluciente in Mexicali.
NEWS YOU CAN USE
Introducing our newest hotel in Fresno. Special Rates during our Grand Opening Celebration of The Only Hotel Inn™ -- Fresno. Our chain of select places to stay provides comfy rooms, but no hairdryers, just cockroaches and continental breakfasts—you pay whether you eat there or not. Four hour minimum stay. Registration required, but not examined too closely. Maximum 3 in a room, BYOWhsky/Tequila/Beer/and Boda bag, if you prefer wine. We’re extending our rates to any one of our hotels in 100 cities in the U.S. and foreign hot spots like Mexico City, Ensenada and Tuxtla.
End of Section A
Vol.1, n.1 - Valentine Edition Section A
(Starting over under new name—old management)
Editorial: We here at FUG wish to acknowledge the contributions of all our recappers and commenters without whose unfailingly sardonic contributions, we would not be the newsdisburser we are today.
Valentine’s Day Wishes (Just remember, wishes don’t always come true--and they don't grow on avocado trees either.)
--I think we should keep making more wishes. We wished for the normalcy of meals, and people started eating, or at least sitting down in front of food while they talked. We wished for them to actually do stuff, and some of them started doing ranch work and dropping kids off at school and kidnapping people and then chucking them over fences.
--Now I wish Pedro would explain to Camila about Mariana, that when she whines about being thrown out in the street with nothing, he'll say something about the money he tried to give her mother (whatever did become of that?), and that Camila will stop believing the worst as soon as some evil jerk suggests it.
--I wish Pedro would start looking a bit more hot (as in ooh la la) and wear better-fitting clothes.
--We'll have better luck wishing for things we might actually get, like fruit on trees and better hairdos.
--Some new detectives, please.
PAID ADVERTISEMENT FROM TAL*MART
Specials for Valentine’s Day
*Latest fashion jewelry artfully crafted by skilled artisans made exclusively from avocado pits.
*Unibomber-wear. For something different. Get those special looks from your loved ones that you haven’t seen them give you in a long long time. Set aside your RameraWear™ and try out some of our unique Unibomber-wear. Don’t worry about size or color. One size fits all not too well and you can have any color as long as it’s black.
*Slightly used pink lingerie, size 0, can only be sold to skinny actrizes in El Talismán with long legs and oversized bosoms.
For your Valentine’s Day masquerade party—Yo Mama’s™ Glitter Hooker Masks, no doubt about it--$35.00 each (some with feathers, others with conchas or tiaras, all with heavy make-up already applied) This was a special delivery through our middleman supplier, Los Cientolojistas, S.A., up from Tijuana in the last 18-wheeler to make it through. Brought to you de Puerta a Puerta from the Maquiladora Reluciente in Mexicali.
NEWS YOU CAN USE
Introducing our newest hotel in Fresno. Special Rates during our Grand Opening Celebration of The Only Hotel Inn™ -- Fresno. Our chain of select places to stay provides comfy rooms, but no hairdryers, just cockroaches and continental breakfasts—you pay whether you eat there or not. Four hour minimum stay. Registration required, but not examined too closely. Maximum 3 in a room, BYOWhsky/Tequila/Beer/and Boda bag, if you prefer wine. We’re extending our rates to any one of our hotels in 100 cities in the U.S. and foreign hot spots like Mexico City, Ensenada and Tuxtla.
End of Section A
FREESNOW UNDERGROUND GAZETTE
Vol.1, n.1 - Valentine Edition Section B
IN AND AROUND FRESNO’S CULTURE SCENE
++It's Live at the Multi-Species Improv in downtown Fresno. The First Interactive telenovela writing-acting phenom. Well, THERE ARE NO WRITERS. The actors are improvising, making it up as they go along. Each one gets a little slip of paper before the camersas roll. Examples: BE the skank; BE the rabid woodchuck; BE the affectless troll, etc. The scenes are later spliced together in the Venevision CineRobotics lab.
++The Best [and only] Little Whorehouse in Fresno meets Phantom of the Opera. An evening of entertaining fun at Fresno’s Little Experimental Theatre. Patrons come disguised, mask mandatory, and circulate through a tastefully decorated Rococo style reception hall, up and down the grand staircase and back. Guaranteed you’ll have the time of your life. (Masks sold at Tal*Mart—see above)
++Poet Laureate of Fresno, Nova Mave will be at Poets & Busboys in North Fresno Sunday night. NM will be reading from her latest work, Belle de Jour—the Tal*Mart edition (that means paperback suitable for those who didn't go beyond 9th grade).
This sample available from TNTunes
♪♪It’s in his kiss♪♪
The smooch is staged.
Camila’s enraged.
Will Pedro ever disengage
from Lucrezia?
CLASSIFIED ADS
^BRING ON THE LIMPID POOL™. WE WANT THE LIMPID POOL™—actually they could use one over on LQNPA for Rogelio’s water therapy—since the first dip in the lago led to a kiss, who knows what having one right at the palatial hacienda would do for him (and Ana Paula).
^ISO--Older white male, in search of a rich dame—looks unimportant, for con games. (Reply to Renato, the kept man with no one to keep him. c/o The Gazette--Looking for that Special Someone, Box 39.)
The Old Management
Anita
Vol.1, n.1 - Valentine Edition Section B
IN AND AROUND FRESNO’S CULTURE SCENE
++It's Live at the Multi-Species Improv in downtown Fresno. The First Interactive telenovela writing-acting phenom. Well, THERE ARE NO WRITERS. The actors are improvising, making it up as they go along. Each one gets a little slip of paper before the camersas roll. Examples: BE the skank; BE the rabid woodchuck; BE the affectless troll, etc. The scenes are later spliced together in the Venevision CineRobotics lab.
++The Best [and only] Little Whorehouse in Fresno meets Phantom of the Opera. An evening of entertaining fun at Fresno’s Little Experimental Theatre. Patrons come disguised, mask mandatory, and circulate through a tastefully decorated Rococo style reception hall, up and down the grand staircase and back. Guaranteed you’ll have the time of your life. (Masks sold at Tal*Mart—see above)
++Poet Laureate of Fresno, Nova Mave will be at Poets & Busboys in North Fresno Sunday night. NM will be reading from her latest work, Belle de Jour—the Tal*Mart edition (that means paperback suitable for those who didn't go beyond 9th grade).
This sample available from TNTunes
♪♪It’s in his kiss♪♪
The smooch is staged.
Camila’s enraged.
Will Pedro ever disengage
from Lucrezia?
CLASSIFIED ADS
^BRING ON THE LIMPID POOL™. WE WANT THE LIMPID POOL™—actually they could use one over on LQNPA for Rogelio’s water therapy—since the first dip in the lago led to a kiss, who knows what having one right at the palatial hacienda would do for him (and Ana Paula).
^ISO--Older white male, in search of a rich dame—looks unimportant, for con games. (Reply to Renato, the kept man with no one to keep him. c/o The Gazette--Looking for that Special Someone, Box 39.)
The Old Management
Anita
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE can I have the FUG delivered directly to my home? And will it continue to publish long after El Tal has ridden the cliche train into the sunset? I hope so!
Permalink posted by : Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 11:03:00 AM EST
: Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 11:03:00 AM EST
This just in! New York may have its Times, Chicago its Tribune, Madison its Onion – well now Fresno has its FUG! Kudos to the newcomer and its powerhouse editor, Anita! With its elegant style and obsessive, er, I mean laser-like focus on the rancho community and avocadoculture in all its facets, FUG brings it home!
A personal plea to Editor Anita: Latino Super-héroe Pedro Ibarra needs to show us his tights and cape. And soon. (You didn’t realize he was a Superhero? He hoists Amazonian actrices over his shoulder – eat that, Guy Ecker – he rescues mothers, babies, thighmasters, woodchucks all with the same stoic resolve.) There are no phone booths to change in anymore, you say? No problema. He can hide behind a tree. Or a troll.
P.S. Chica Azul: I’m pretty sure that parking for The Only Whorehouse Inn-Fresno, is, like FUG, underground.
A personal plea to Editor Anita: Latino Super-héroe Pedro Ibarra needs to show us his tights and cape. And soon. (You didn’t realize he was a Superhero? He hoists Amazonian actrices over his shoulder – eat that, Guy Ecker – he rescues mothers, babies, thighmasters, woodchucks all with the same stoic resolve.) There are no phone booths to change in anymore, you say? No problema. He can hide behind a tree. Or a troll.
P.S. Chica Azul: I’m pretty sure that parking for The Only Whorehouse Inn-Fresno, is, like FUG, underground.
I really can't get over how funny you guys all are!
Julia - your watching paint dry comment is hysterical, and unfortunately, so true.
Mike - a locked up Mrs. Pig in the basement would be interesting! Would we call her "Sow"?
Anita - I would also love FUG delivered right to the doorstep. Did Camila's Davis University have it's own version of this rag, called FUG U?
I thought the hotpink lingerie Size 0 was pretty, so even though it is slightly used, may I order it? Is there a second, matching one for my other thigh?
Los Cientolojistas LOL
First Interactive Telenovela that later gets spliced! LOL LOL
NM: Excellent P.S. to Anita about "underground". Very clever!
R la O
Julia - your watching paint dry comment is hysterical, and unfortunately, so true.
Mike - a locked up Mrs. Pig in the basement would be interesting! Would we call her "Sow"?
Anita - I would also love FUG delivered right to the doorstep. Did Camila's Davis University have it's own version of this rag, called FUG U?
I thought the hotpink lingerie Size 0 was pretty, so even though it is slightly used, may I order it? Is there a second, matching one for my other thigh?
Los Cientolojistas LOL
First Interactive Telenovela that later gets spliced! LOL LOL
NM: Excellent P.S. to Anita about "underground". Very clever!
R la O
Editor's note to Novela Maven--
Over at Cuando Me Enamoro, we had our very own superhero - Lazaro. He did all the things that the rest of the characters couldn't do--even rescuing our galan from a raging river, saving a potential suicide, searching for his kidnapped first love.
He didn't need tights, cape or phone booth to get the job done. It was easy for us to adore him. We even ordered I 'heart' Lazaro T-shirts from the CME Emporium. It was a best-seller.
Over at Cuando Me Enamoro, we had our very own superhero - Lazaro. He did all the things that the rest of the characters couldn't do--even rescuing our galan from a raging river, saving a potential suicide, searching for his kidnapped first love.
He didn't need tights, cape or phone booth to get the job done. It was easy for us to adore him. We even ordered I 'heart' Lazaro T-shirts from the CME Emporium. It was a best-seller.
Anita,
"Over at Cuando Me Enamoro, we had our very own superhero - Lazaro. He did all the things that the rest of the characters couldn't do--even rescuing our galan from a raging river, saving a potential suicide, searching for his kidnapped first love.
He didn't need tights, cape or phone booth to get the job done. It was easy for us to adore him."
Oh dear. Now you know how shallow I really am.
Rosemary la Otra,
"Did Camila's Davis University have its own version of this rag, called FUG U?"
That's a common misconception. De hecho, the Davis campus edition is called D-FUG (and Armando Nájera was delivering it for pocket change until his ma, El Viral, put a stop to it. Much too vulgar for him.) It's the all-campus edition that's known as FUG U.
"Over at Cuando Me Enamoro, we had our very own superhero - Lazaro. He did all the things that the rest of the characters couldn't do--even rescuing our galan from a raging river, saving a potential suicide, searching for his kidnapped first love.
He didn't need tights, cape or phone booth to get the job done. It was easy for us to adore him."
Oh dear. Now you know how shallow I really am.
Rosemary la Otra,
"Did Camila's Davis University have its own version of this rag, called FUG U?"
That's a common misconception. De hecho, the Davis campus edition is called D-FUG (and Armando Nájera was delivering it for pocket change until his ma, El Viral, put a stop to it. Much too vulgar for him.) It's the all-campus edition that's known as FUG U.
Underground parking, thigh-teddies, and FUG U -- you guys are too much.
Permalink posted by : Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 2:35:00 PM EST
: Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 2:35:00 PM EST
NM - Thank you so much for the clarification. Imagine my embarrassment to be walking around the Davis campus asking for FUG U.
So far, we don't have a name to put on an El Tal "I Heart ______" tee. There isn't even a beloved horse like Gitana. We need a character to love! Preferably with long butterfly-kissing eyelashes.
So far, we don't have a name to put on an El Tal "I Heart ______" tee. There isn't even a beloved horse like Gitana. We need a character to love! Preferably with long butterfly-kissing eyelashes.
Yeah, I know what you mean, Rosemary. But she may be as close as we get.
I kinda like Doris, actually. But the slapping has *got* to stop.
I kinda like Doris, actually. But the slapping has *got* to stop.
Permalink posted by : Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 3:01:00 PM EST
: Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 3:01:00 PM EST
Good one, Sara! We may even have to go with inanimate objects. Like
I Heart Glitter Hooker Masks or even I Heart Hanging Avocados. How sad those are more endearing than any of the characters.
Maybe we need to change tactics and use our tees as merciful pleas like: STOP FILMING
I Heart Glitter Hooker Masks or even I Heart Hanging Avocados. How sad those are more endearing than any of the characters.
Maybe we need to change tactics and use our tees as merciful pleas like: STOP FILMING
RLO--You brought tears to my eyes...I was laughing so hard.
Over on LQNPA they are wondering why we have so many more comments than they do....
When this is thankfully over, we need a reunion of our ElTal sufferers. RLO, you and Julia are hereby elected co-toastmistresses for the evening. You'll have us dying crying in no time.
Anita
Over on LQNPA they are wondering why we have so many more comments than they do....
When this is thankfully over, we need a reunion of our ElTal sufferers. RLO, you and Julia are hereby elected co-toastmistresses for the evening. You'll have us dying crying in no time.
Anita
STOP! STOP! I'm laughing so hard I'm giving myself a headache!
Permalink posted by : Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 4:36:00 PM EST
: Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 4:36:00 PM EST
Must. Have. More. ET.
The Mavens struggle for the remote. A shot rings out. Acrid fumes mingle with the piquant aroma of freshly prepared guacamole.
The flatscreen in the library is down. Repeat. Flatscreen in the library is down.
Univisión, you are pure evil ... arghh...
The Mavens struggle for the remote. A shot rings out. Acrid fumes mingle with the piquant aroma of freshly prepared guacamole.
The flatscreen in the library is down. Repeat. Flatscreen in the library is down.
Univisión, you are pure evil ... arghh...
You all are hilarious! Julia, I agree about watching paint dry, but I wouldn't miss these comments for anything.
FUG and FUG-U... Mike is trying to have a little pre-dinner doze and I keep waking him up with my howling. Tears are flowing. Thanks for all the fun!
Gotta have a STOP FILMING t-shirt. Can we rip out the neckline so it looks like Antonio's? How about one of those neck-belt thingies that Camila wears. They were great back in high school to hide hickies!
FUG and FUG-U... Mike is trying to have a little pre-dinner doze and I keep waking him up with my howling. Tears are flowing. Thanks for all the fun!
Gotta have a STOP FILMING t-shirt. Can we rip out the neckline so it looks like Antonio's? How about one of those neck-belt thingies that Camila wears. They were great back in high school to hide hickies!
I want mine to say OBEY THE BELT BUCKLE.
Permalink posted by : Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 5:22:00 PM EST
: Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 5:22:00 PM EST
Novela Maven, great job on a not so great episode!
Best part of this novela is that I dont have to pay much attention because I dont really care what happens! Even stuffed my beenie in a drawer for this one.
I was thinking that Mariana was going to be working at the bordello. Where o where can this poor girl be? Maybe at the L.A. Mission with Margarito?
Well gang I will be missing tomorrow nights episode (oh darn) flying out to Florida for awhile. I hope my Comcast is ready to go there and is not as crazy as Dish network here.
I will be sure to buy some huge avocados from EL Tal. It looks like they film in Coral Gables to me because of the coral bridge and walls...would be nice to pass by the house just for kicks. Oh well..
Keep up the snarky comments !
PS. I must admit one of my favorite comments among the 100's of great ones goes to Emilia, she said something like..."Isnt there a rule somewhere that your belt buckle cant be bigger than your face"....LOVED IT AND CANT GET IT OUT OF MY MIND!
Best part of this novela is that I dont have to pay much attention because I dont really care what happens! Even stuffed my beenie in a drawer for this one.
I was thinking that Mariana was going to be working at the bordello. Where o where can this poor girl be? Maybe at the L.A. Mission with Margarito?
Well gang I will be missing tomorrow nights episode (oh darn) flying out to Florida for awhile. I hope my Comcast is ready to go there and is not as crazy as Dish network here.
I will be sure to buy some huge avocados from EL Tal. It looks like they film in Coral Gables to me because of the coral bridge and walls...would be nice to pass by the house just for kicks. Oh well..
Keep up the snarky comments !
PS. I must admit one of my favorite comments among the 100's of great ones goes to Emilia, she said something like..."Isnt there a rule somewhere that your belt buckle cant be bigger than your face"....LOVED IT AND CANT GET IT OUT OF MY MIND!
Anita - I think I speak for Julia also when I say that we will accept the toastmistresses duties. We will be the Toastmasters of Thighmasters.
Elle - Is Coral Gables anywhere near Tampa? I would love to see the place and am flying there for a few days with my daughter next month so she can receive "a major award". I hope it isn't a leg lamp.
Elle - Is Coral Gables anywhere near Tampa? I would love to see the place and am flying there for a few days with my daughter next month so she can receive "a major award". I hope it isn't a leg lamp.
Just finally got a chance to savor this juicy recap and the outrageous comments. What a group!...with NovelaMaven as the ringmaster....
Thighmaster--sidebar worthy
"nasty bundle of teeth, malice and entitlement" Shakespeare couldn't have said it better.
Permasmirk--you could be writing ad copy, Novela
"drags his sorry trasero"...my favorite. What a dud this Pedro is.
Great recap, great group, embarrassingly bad telenovela. But heck, that's what the "off" button is for.
Thighmaster--sidebar worthy
"nasty bundle of teeth, malice and entitlement" Shakespeare couldn't have said it better.
Permasmirk--you could be writing ad copy, Novela
"drags his sorry trasero"...my favorite. What a dud this Pedro is.
Great recap, great group, embarrassingly bad telenovela. But heck, that's what the "off" button is for.
Yowza, I just got home a while ago and have thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone's hilariously brilliant comments.
Anita, you really got things rolling with your FUG Volumes 1 and 2 and classifieds. I was quite literally howling.
Elle and R la O, I do hope you enjoy the avocados during your visits to Florida. I wonder, is there a local El Tal*Mart in Coral Gables where one can pick up orders or must they all be ordered online?
Great comments everyone. You guys are a hoot.
Anita, you really got things rolling with your FUG Volumes 1 and 2 and classifieds. I was quite literally howling.
Elle and R la O, I do hope you enjoy the avocados during your visits to Florida. I wonder, is there a local El Tal*Mart in Coral Gables where one can pick up orders or must they all be ordered online?
Great comments everyone. You guys are a hoot.
***I HEART Tal*Mart***
... and its pee-in-your-pants-funny customer base!
And thanks again for all the nice words (but you know, you're only egging me on).
JudyB, I know you're not watching this drivel so it's particularly sweet of you to stop by. Muchísimas gracias!
... and its pee-in-your-pants-funny customer base!
And thanks again for all the nice words (but you know, you're only egging me on).
JudyB, I know you're not watching this drivel so it's particularly sweet of you to stop by. Muchísimas gracias!
***I HEART Tal*Mart***!!! Yes!!!
On the back it can say, "Sponsored by Freesnow Underground Gazette."
Then we'll be able to recognize each other all over the world.
On the back it can say, "Sponsored by Freesnow Underground Gazette."
Then we'll be able to recognize each other all over the world.
Permalink posted by : Monday, February 13, 2012 at 6:40:00 AM EST
: Monday, February 13, 2012 at 6:40:00 AM EST
And be sure to use the word "HEART" as opposed to the picture of one. We want to rhyme.
I HEART Tal*MART
I HEART Tal*MART
Such a great Word Verification popped up that I had to leave another comment based on that word:
"HOWLS"
Isn't that what we do with these recaps and comments? We are all a bunch of Howler Monkeys. Welcome to the Monkey House indeed!
After Blue Lass gave us that title, I got in a Vonnegut mood and pulled out "God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater".
Two funny things I saw right off the bat:
- a reviewer from the Atlantic Monthly said "We laugh in self-defense." LOL That is so US and this show!!!
- opening quote of Eliot Rosewater, President of Rosewater Foundation: "The Second World War was over - and there I was at high noon, crossing Times Square with a Purple Heart on."
Gotta love Vonnegut.
R la O
"HOWLS"
Isn't that what we do with these recaps and comments? We are all a bunch of Howler Monkeys. Welcome to the Monkey House indeed!
After Blue Lass gave us that title, I got in a Vonnegut mood and pulled out "God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater".
Two funny things I saw right off the bat:
- a reviewer from the Atlantic Monthly said "We laugh in self-defense." LOL That is so US and this show!!!
- opening quote of Eliot Rosewater, President of Rosewater Foundation: "The Second World War was over - and there I was at high noon, crossing Times Square with a Purple Heart on."
Gotta love Vonnegut.
R la O
I generally don't like to put bumper stickers on my car but I'll happily make an exception for a "I HEART Tal*MART". I just know I'll get LOTS of questions.
Kind of off topic, Saturday a.m. when we arrived at the marina there was shiny black Corvette with a gold license plate holder reading "Alumni - Fresno State". I started laughing hilariously (for my own reasons as you all well know), and my friend unwittingly said, "No kidding, who would advertise that?" Poor Fresno, this show is NOT going to help its reputation.
R la O, I think I might have to put Vonnegut on my library list. It's been a while.
Kind of off topic, Saturday a.m. when we arrived at the marina there was shiny black Corvette with a gold license plate holder reading "Alumni - Fresno State". I started laughing hilariously (for my own reasons as you all well know), and my friend unwittingly said, "No kidding, who would advertise that?" Poor Fresno, this show is NOT going to help its reputation.
R la O, I think I might have to put Vonnegut on my library list. It's been a while.
Sara, i am calling in late to a telecon meeting because i am ROFLOL at the bus that hit the plane that crashed into the train that hit the house that Univision built... HYSTERICAL!!
Why in the world is Tracy hanging out with a geriatric loser ...?" PERFECT Synopsis Carlos!!!
Also... ita on the baby clearance sale where most people are not children of who they think they are...
NM, great recap! and I LOVE
'Mister Renato will go Elviral!'
ROFLOL!
Kelly, the meteor landing on the bus/plane/train/house! brilliant!
I 'suffer' throught his bad TN only to know what the commenters mean... LOL you all are hysterical!
and yes, it is getting so bad i look forward to the ending credits. Poor Rafa N.
Also... ita on the baby clearance sale where most people are not children of who they think they are...
NM, great recap! and I LOVE
'Mister Renato will go Elviral!'
ROFLOL!
Kelly, the meteor landing on the bus/plane/train/house! brilliant!
I 'suffer' throught his bad TN only to know what the commenters mean... LOL you all are hysterical!
and yes, it is getting so bad i look forward to the ending credits. Poor Rafa N.
Wouldn't be surprised either Fab or Flo turn out daughters of Alberta the nanny.. by the way she defended them and put faces after Pigorio left...
Yo no engaño a Antonio con un hombre, de eso puedes estar segura, lo juro.
NOOOO que va!! how about with 1000!! all in one night!
NOOOO que va!! how about with 1000!! all in one night!
the P man...
not a bad vision. now i see in my mind Pedro dressed as the old animated character He-man with the leather vest and sword at hand...
not a bad vision. now i see in my mind Pedro dressed as the old animated character He-man with the leather vest and sword at hand...
hey Camila! i got an idea for you, hide your mom and useless bro in the stables and don't tell Pigorio so he will take care of your mom when he discovers them!
Friday's avances had Antonio Permasmirk telling Elvira he'd help her get revenge on his papa if she'd help him get next to Camila -- or something like that. (The Devil's Bargain: Telenovela Cliche #273...yes, we're up that high.)
Permalink posted by : Monday, February 13, 2012 at 11:14:00 AM EST
: Monday, February 13, 2012 at 11:14:00 AM EST
"Wouldn't be surprised either Fab or Flo turn out daughters of Alberta the nanny.. by the way she defended them and put faces after Pigorio left..."
Very interesting Marta, we need to add this to your list of predictions.
Anita, I have new product idea: "El Talepathist Marta Ivett presents her El Tal*Tarot Cards, featuring Western Wear imagery and plump avocado symbolism. A special 'Masquerade' edition will be on special for Mardis Gras. Please note that most predictions are the usual telenovela cliches, including Cliche 273 You Will Strike a Devil's Bargain." Please feel free to omit or change the wording as you see fit, this is only a suggestion.
Very interesting Marta, we need to add this to your list of predictions.
Anita, I have new product idea: "El Talepathist Marta Ivett presents her El Tal*Tarot Cards, featuring Western Wear imagery and plump avocado symbolism. A special 'Masquerade' edition will be on special for Mardis Gras. Please note that most predictions are the usual telenovela cliches, including Cliche 273 You Will Strike a Devil's Bargain." Please feel free to omit or change the wording as you see fit, this is only a suggestion.
Ooooo tarot cards, yes.
My all-time favorite is #722: "You will find out the local priest is not just your Father, but your father."
My all-time favorite is #722: "You will find out the local priest is not just your Father, but your father."
Permalink posted by : Monday, February 13, 2012 at 11:46:00 AM EST
: Monday, February 13, 2012 at 11:46:00 AM EST
Now that's something else that is missing from ElT.... a Padre. We could use the comic relief offered by a gossipy, busybody Padre.
NM - Anita mentioned CME's SuperHero, Lazaro. I have to admit as valiant as he was, it would have probably been a turn off to see him in tights.
Your idea, on the other hand, to have Super P in tights and cape may be quite enjoyable. Even Anita's FUG Valentine's Day Wishes category included Pedro in "better fitting clothes". Are tights better fitting enough?
R la O
NM - Anita mentioned CME's SuperHero, Lazaro. I have to admit as valiant as he was, it would have probably been a turn off to see him in tights.
Your idea, on the other hand, to have Super P in tights and cape may be quite enjoyable. Even Anita's FUG Valentine's Day Wishes category included Pedro in "better fitting clothes". Are tights better fitting enough?
R la O
Pedro Ibarra --> PI --> Greek letter π (Pronounced “pie”)
So PI could be “Super PI” or “Super π”
And as many of you know, π makes mathematicians and geeks everywhere swoon – talk about expanding your market!
We’re probably too late for Valentine's Day but we could be right on target for “Pi Day” which is celebrated on March 14, to coincide with Einstein’s birthday.
We'll have to watch out for copyright infringement since this site is already hawking "Super π" shirts:
http://www.piday.org/stuff/
These shirts, as you have surely noted, may suffice for fans but hot they are not; and Super π's costume will need to be custom-designed. (Or maybe he can just get an iron-on Super π patch for one of Permasmirks leotard-like shirts)
So PI could be “Super PI” or “Super π”
And as many of you know, π makes mathematicians and geeks everywhere swoon – talk about expanding your market!
We’re probably too late for Valentine's Day but we could be right on target for “Pi Day” which is celebrated on March 14, to coincide with Einstein’s birthday.
We'll have to watch out for copyright infringement since this site is already hawking "Super π" shirts:
http://www.piday.org/stuff/
These shirts, as you have surely noted, may suffice for fans but hot they are not; and Super π's costume will need to be custom-designed. (Or maybe he can just get an iron-on Super π patch for one of Permasmirks leotard-like shirts)
Marta--your series of comments just keep us going.
Re: hiding Mom & Bro in the stables. I think Mom would get tired of oats and hay pretty quickly.
Re: hiding Mom & Bro in the stables. I think Mom would get tired of oats and hay pretty quickly.
RLO--I also noted the absence of a Padre. We haven't seen any churches in town either, hmmmmm.
Sara--I have to do a double-take whenever I see your identifier--I wonder if I'm in the wrong tn comment page.
Have you seen Jorge Salinas in Mariana de la Noche--he walks and talks, does shower scenes and even a waterfall pool dip, wherein a lot of his backside is on view, mmmmm.
BTW--I'm revising the original cast of characters of El Tal--coming tomorrow, as we reach the first tenth (12/120) of our journey through this cliché-filled story. IMHO it is taking up valuable airspace, but generating a lot of valued cyberspace.
Keep the clichés coming. FUG will create the list. The first two are gems.
I think I can find some Super Pie Day shirts left-over from the Fresno Fourth of July Pie Day Festival. Yep, I found them, in XXL. They come in three bold colors, red apple, orange orange, and avocado green.
Anita, Editor-in-Chief
Sara--I have to do a double-take whenever I see your identifier--I wonder if I'm in the wrong tn comment page.
Have you seen Jorge Salinas in Mariana de la Noche--he walks and talks, does shower scenes and even a waterfall pool dip, wherein a lot of his backside is on view, mmmmm.
BTW--I'm revising the original cast of characters of El Tal--coming tomorrow, as we reach the first tenth (12/120) of our journey through this cliché-filled story. IMHO it is taking up valuable airspace, but generating a lot of valued cyberspace.
Keep the clichés coming. FUG will create the list. The first two are gems.
I think I can find some Super Pie Day shirts left-over from the Fresno Fourth of July Pie Day Festival. Yep, I found them, in XXL. They come in three bold colors, red apple, orange orange, and avocado green.
Anita, Editor-in-Chief
How about this tired old one:
Cliché #347: You cannot use Siempre and Nunca in the same scene with the love of your life without incurring the wrath of the telenovela anvil gods.
Cliché #347: You cannot use Siempre and Nunca in the same scene with the love of your life without incurring the wrath of the telenovela anvil gods.
I want either Rene Casados or Cesar Evora as a priest that comes into this hot mess... but i would feel sorry for either actor.
Marta, What about Diego Olivera as the priest? (Or "Padre Hottie" as he was known over at TDA). He WOULD have to agree to wash his hair, though.
I assume you're still watching La Hija del Mariachi, right? I keep thinking Gregorio Pernia (el Coloso) would have been a spectacular choice for Antonio -- but I suppose the producers figured Aaron Díaz was a bankable star. Also they probably thought they were pushing their luck with one Colombian galán. Too bad.
I assume you're still watching La Hija del Mariachi, right? I keep thinking Gregorio Pernia (el Coloso) would have been a spectacular choice for Antonio -- but I suppose the producers figured Aaron Díaz was a bankable star. Also they probably thought they were pushing their luck with one Colombian galán. Too bad.
No one answered my previous post.
1. Pedro never consumated his marriage.
2. From what I saw, he's only ever kissed Camilia.
3. He turns down Lulu on every possible occassion.
4. We've never seen him visit a brothel or visit the Fresno red light district.
5. He doesn't appear to date sheep.
6. Tia tells him to move on with his life, so he can't be messing with her.
7. He doesn't seem to be interested in dudes.
What is he doing to relieve that agression besides occassionally ramming his tongue down Camila's throat and checking for porcelin or silver crowns? I don't get it. According to the show...He's been in the USA for years!
1. Pedro never consumated his marriage.
2. From what I saw, he's only ever kissed Camilia.
3. He turns down Lulu on every possible occassion.
4. We've never seen him visit a brothel or visit the Fresno red light district.
5. He doesn't appear to date sheep.
6. Tia tells him to move on with his life, so he can't be messing with her.
7. He doesn't seem to be interested in dudes.
What is he doing to relieve that agression besides occassionally ramming his tongue down Camila's throat and checking for porcelin or silver crowns? I don't get it. According to the show...He's been in the USA for years!
Permalink posted by : Monday, February 13, 2012 at 3:50:00 PM EST
: Monday, February 13, 2012 at 3:50:00 PM EST
What do you who are watching think of La Hija de Mariachi? I catch bits of it in the am and it looks interesting. But then even this show could look good from bits. Teeny tiny bits. At least La Hija has the music gonig for it.
Kelly
Kelly
Permalink posted by : Monday, February 13, 2012 at 4:00:00 PM EST
: Monday, February 13, 2012 at 4:00:00 PM EST
Anon 02:50
I guess I assumed Pedro has been celibate during his time in the US. Before he left the orphanage in Tijuana, his friend Margarito teasingly asked him if he was going north to find a woman and he kidded him about his reputation as a "mujeriego" (maybe he was being ironic and he had a rep of being very selective.)
In any case, the chaste but heartily hetero hero isn't rare in classic novelas -- Colunga's "Eduardo" wasn't messing around, as I recall. It's an archetype if you want to be fancy; it's a stereotype if you want to be unkind.
I guess I assumed Pedro has been celibate during his time in the US. Before he left the orphanage in Tijuana, his friend Margarito teasingly asked him if he was going north to find a woman and he kidded him about his reputation as a "mujeriego" (maybe he was being ironic and he had a rep of being very selective.)
In any case, the chaste but heartily hetero hero isn't rare in classic novelas -- Colunga's "Eduardo" wasn't messing around, as I recall. It's an archetype if you want to be fancy; it's a stereotype if you want to be unkind.
Kelly,
I absolutely totally adore La Hija del Mariachi -- it is brilliantly written and acted; the superb music is integrated seamlessly into the story. It's funny and tragic and wonderful. I can't think of another novela that even comes close in terms of providing pure pleasure for the viewer.
So I guess I'm saying I like it. :)
I absolutely totally adore La Hija del Mariachi -- it is brilliantly written and acted; the superb music is integrated seamlessly into the story. It's funny and tragic and wonderful. I can't think of another novela that even comes close in terms of providing pure pleasure for the viewer.
So I guess I'm saying I like it. :)
Anon, your list is funny. I read it outloud to my fam. I guess Poor Pi is such a good guy that he is taking his marriage vows seriously and even tho he and Mariana seemed to have a platonic relationship, he didn't go out looking for it. At least not til Camila reappeared. Wouldn't we be shocked to see him at the brothel? They've played his integrity nicely. I bet many a woman would like to help him relieve his tension.
Kelly, LHDM is my favorite novela of all time, and that goes far, considering my favs before that were CS 93 and Betty la fea. IT is not a better production than those, but the music and humor give it the edge in my own preference since i am a hopeless romantic and romantic music lover and also love injected romance in between tense drama scenes.
They are in last 4 weeks, they are actually showing (Telefutura) the colombian finale for the first time in US. the two previous times Telefutura showed it they showed the rushed wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am! finale the RCN network taped because they had the contractual obligation with international networks for a certain number of episodes before they decided to extend it in Colombia because it was doing great with the colombia audience.
we are counting our blessings this time since Telefutura decided to show the much better colombian finale which takes 25 eps instead of 4 and does dot all the i's and cross all the t's in a much more satisfying way for us audiences.
They are in last 4 weeks, they are actually showing (Telefutura) the colombian finale for the first time in US. the two previous times Telefutura showed it they showed the rushed wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am! finale the RCN network taped because they had the contractual obligation with international networks for a certain number of episodes before they decided to extend it in Colombia because it was doing great with the colombia audience.
we are counting our blessings this time since Telefutura decided to show the much better colombian finale which takes 25 eps instead of 4 and does dot all the i's and cross all the t's in a much more satisfying way for us audiences.
I have a theory - the Pedro actor answered an ad that stated in part, "...must be able to lift and carry 120 pounds." He thought he was applying for a job unloading UPS trucks! Maybe that's why he always looks so bemused / confused / bamboozled...
NM--Diego Olivera as another priest would have a lot of women having impure thoughts. Of course, maybe he could be an Episcopal priest. Would that be ok? I think Fresno might have a lot of Protestants.
Oh my, I love all those Padre suggestions. If there can be a Mardis Gras brothel in Fresno why not a monastery? We could have revolving Padres.
Anon, even though we might not have originally answered your Pi query I'll bet a lot of us have been thinking about Pedro's lack-of-lovelife. I chocked it up to just another non-detail in this hot mess. I think at this point I'm inclined to go with Emilia's theory, UPS guy somehow unwittingly time-traveled to Fresno alternative universe. In other words, a nightmare.
Anon, even though we might not have originally answered your Pi query I'll bet a lot of us have been thinking about Pedro's lack-of-lovelife. I chocked it up to just another non-detail in this hot mess. I think at this point I'm inclined to go with Emilia's theory, UPS guy somehow unwittingly time-traveled to Fresno alternative universe. In other words, a nightmare.
In, I've been watching LHdM. I set the TIVO and watch when I get home in the evening. El Coloso is my favorite character but I'm not sure that I would prefer him to our current oily Antonio. I really enjoy the show but I'm so glad for the music because for a while there the show seemed to get bogged down.
As for a padre, Beto (Gancho) had a brief stint in a monastery... imagine Padre Beto and Lucrezia... boggles the mind.
Carlos
As for a padre, Beto (Gancho) had a brief stint in a monastery... imagine Padre Beto and Lucrezia... boggles the mind.
Carlos
Padre Beto! I love it! Okay, we definitely need a monastery in Fresno so we can have a whole pack of Padres. While we're at it, Ricardo Margaleff should join in.
Carlos, I agree. Only a godless commie wouldn't like Roberto "Beto" Ochoa as a sacerdote.
Does anyone know the pronunciation of "sacerdote?"
Rosemary la O: no mas! I had enough of "Richard Chamberlain in the Thornbirds" from Emilia and her friends back in the 70s! Arggh!
Does anyone know the pronunciation of "sacerdote?"
Rosemary la O: no mas! I had enough of "Richard Chamberlain in the Thornbirds" from Emilia and her friends back in the 70s! Arggh!
Bring on Richard Chamberlain!! YAY! My mom met him back in the '70s and said he's a really nice guy.
Have you seen Jorge Salinas in Mariana de la Noche--he walks and talks, does shower scenes and even a waterfall pool dip, wherein a lot of his backside is on view, mmmmm.
---
Sadly no. I am kind of new to the Jorge Salinas bandwagon. The man is hawt. Srsly.
Sacerdote
I assume it's Sah-ser-doh-tay (except in Spain where it is sah-ther-do-tay)
The first Jewish settler in Montgomery AL was Jacob Sacerdote. Talk about irony.
http://www.isjl.org/history/archive/al/montgomery.html
Have to scroll down a bit.
---
Sadly no. I am kind of new to the Jorge Salinas bandwagon. The man is hawt. Srsly.
Sacerdote
I assume it's Sah-ser-doh-tay (except in Spain where it is sah-ther-do-tay)
The first Jewish settler in Montgomery AL was Jacob Sacerdote. Talk about irony.
http://www.isjl.org/history/archive/al/montgomery.html
Have to scroll down a bit.
PS: Having so little with TN Padres I would have to second the nomination of Diego "Padre Hottie" Oliveras as Fresno Padre.
Sara--I have the cut-up DVD version, but here is a link to YouTube--
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLvEEKaSIoM&feature=related
I can't find the beginning, but here, pretty close to the beginning, Mariana's latest novio dies. She is cursed. Then along comes Ignacio.
Cesar Evora is Mariana's father and the dueno of the hacienda and owner of a gold mine.
It starts out with a massacre, but it is central to the story. It gets better right away.
Anita
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLvEEKaSIoM&feature=related
I can't find the beginning, but here, pretty close to the beginning, Mariana's latest novio dies. She is cursed. Then along comes Ignacio.
Cesar Evora is Mariana's father and the dueno of the hacienda and owner of a gold mine.
It starts out with a massacre, but it is central to the story. It gets better right away.
Anita
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