Friday, March 23, 2012

Abismo de pasión #9 3/23/12: Hell is the truth learned too late*



*Agatha Christie



Redux: At Casa Castañon we get to see Ughusto wimphandle Fina out the door.

Ughusto agonizes over his missing daughter. Lolita has the idea that maybe Elisa’s friend Paloma might know Elisa’s whereabouts. Carmeany wants to slip into something orange and go with Ughusto to the yerberia but he rebuffs her, “This is between me and my daughter.”

Over at Hell House Antonia is already in orange and listening to Padre Loopy who isn’t happy with the way Fina is mistreating her son. Just then the Hot Nasty  (Gabino) precedes the Cold Nasty (Fina) into the room; Fina runs to Loopy and weeps, “That girl stole my son just like Stef stole Rosendo”. (Geez lady, give the broken record a rest, willya? Let’s do a short-cut code so I don’t have to write this out every time. Whenever Fina cries this old saw  I’ll write “Alf makes me ralph”.) Loopy gives the over-the-shoulder “She be carayzee!” look. Gabino, settling into his role as head suck-up, volunteers to call the police and look for the kids himself. He has the word “Jackal” embroidered on the back of his shirt. Hey, wasn’t Blue Lass calling for jackals to consume Carmeany?

Over at the yerberia Ramona suspects that  Paloma is nervous about something because she breaks a plate. Ramona accuses her of having manos de hilacha (hands of lint). What’s Paloma hiding? Just then Augusto literally bursts through the door and asks Paloma if she knows where Elisa is. (I love how Ramona rushes to protect Paloma.) Paloma says she knows Elisa and Damian but she doesn’t know where they are. Amazingly, Augusto behaves himself and leaves. Ramona, however doesn’t believe her granddaughter.

Augusto stands outside Ramona’s house and hollers for Elisa. Too little too late a$$ hat. Gabino lurks nearby and hides in the bushes.

The kiddies are in the cave and Elisa is afraid. Damian hugs and comforts her, awwww.

Next morning a lovely green reptile suns itself on a rock. (Ooooh, I just love reptiles and amphibians! More please, just don’t kill them.) When Paloma sleepily heads to the river for water The Jackal leaps out and captures her. He is momentarily stunned by her eyes , “they look like hers” (squeeeee [™Sara], call of the blood?) but he shakes it off and demands she tell him where the runaways are.

Well, they are likely enjoying their last happy morning for a long time. They prepare to leave the cave and GAH!!! The Hot Nasty sneers “Good morning...niños.” Busted by Gabino the Jackal.

Gael, the most sensible and mature person in this mess, prays to the Virgin to protect his little friends.

Alf makes me ralph. (It’s short-cut code, remember?)
Just as Fina wonders if she will ever see her son again Gabino arrives at Hell House with the boy booty. Fina slobbers all over him. Ruh roh, in walks Elisa, Fina lunges and SLAPP!!!! (™Marta) she sends the child reeling. Luckily Padre Loopy runs over and pulls Fina off poor Elisa and yells at her to control herself! Damian is yelling too and I notice Gabino smirking in the background.
Alf makes me ralph.
Alf makes me ralph. (really, one right after the other)
Then, crazed and wild-eyed, Fina announces they are leaving La Ermita right away. She orders Gabino to remove Elisa but Loopy jumps in to save her. Damian and Elisa sadly gaze at each other. “I hate you!! I hate you!!” Damian yells at his mother as Antonia drags him off to pack his bags.

Ramona notices that Paloma’s arms are bruised.  When Paloma admits it was Gabino forcing the truth from her Ramona freaks and tells Paloma that hiding the truth is as bad or worse than lying. Paloma promises to never lie to her again.

The padre has delivered Elisa to Casa Castañon. Lucio and Blanca say they hope Augusto will go easy on the girl because he and Carmina are to blame for her running away. Hooray Lucio! Anita, roll out the I Heart Lucio shirts. Carmeany looks all huffy and Lady of the Manorish. She tries to take Elisa’s hand but Elisa rejects her and asks Lolita to take her to her room. Padre wants to talk to Ughusto alone. The Cheddar Cheese stands alone.

Padre also pleads Elisa’s case to Ughusto. She’s only a child, she lost her mother and can’t understand why Bad Hair Dad married the harridan, nor for that matter can the Padre. Augusto pleads insanity and Padre gives him the 411, Elisa doesn’t really like her Tia, doesn’t trust her. Augusto, in a rare (and all too brief) moment of lucidity, asks Padre Loopy if he knows something that Augusto does not. Padre assures him that Stef and Rosendo were NOT lovers. Ughie surmises Padre must have heard something in confession and P Loopy reminds Ughie he cannot divulge what is confessed. Oops, stupid Ughie is back and says Stef was a hypocrite who fooled the Padre and everyone else. Disgusted, Padre says Ughusto has committed a grave error by marrying Carmina.

Oh this is gonna be good. Gabino is rudely shouting orders to the peones and Ramona strides up looking like the tree hugger’s poster child. But she’s got the habanero fire in her eyes, calls him out and demands he never bother or touch her grandchild again. He attempts bravado and tells her to back off before she has a heart attack, but she scoffs and says she won’t let him harm her grandchild like he did her daughter. She doesn’t have the reputation as a witch for nuthin’ and she can damage him! Then she gives him the single-raised-eyebrow stinkeye. Yay Ramona! (And did y’all see those big bags of habaneros? Eat your heart out Ughusto.)

Padre Loopy gently tells Gael that his friends were found but bad news, Damian’s mom plans to take him far away and he doesn’t know when he will come back. The poor little guy cries hard.

Fina shows up at the hot sauce factory and barks orders at Gabino to get things ready for her trip to the Merida airport. He hems and haws and asks if she arranged what she promised? She tells him to wait in the office.

Lucio also shows up at the office and wonders what smug Gabino is doing sitting in the boss’s chair acting like he’s the in charge of the world. Fina arrives and fires Lucio and makes Gabino the boss. Well, not fires, she says, she’s just expediting his retirement. After all his years of service he’s old and needs a rest. Gabino, his nose a dark shade of brown, smirks in the background. Gabino tries some post-promotion sucking up but Fina takes the wind out of his sails by reminding him he is just an employee and nothing more.

Carmeany finds Lolita packing up Stef’s clothes to take to another room. Lolita says there is  something weird, nothing of Stef’s is missing and everything is in its place. If Stef was running away wouldn’t she have taken something? Car thinks fast and says Rosendo was rolling in the dough and probably planned to buy Stef new clothes. Lolita says she smells a rat. Carmeany suggests Lolita check the jewelry box and we are assaulted by Fur Elise. Stef wasn’t stupid and took her jewelry with her, she says. (Unfound at the crash site I might add.) “Satisfied?” hisses Carmina. Lolita looks anything but.

The two sweet boys are saying their goodbyes in Damien’s room, best friends forever, secret handshake, and Damian asks Gael to give the amulet to Elisa, Damian will wear its twin. The kids barely get their goodbye hug in before mom-from-hell says enough of the stupid goodbyes, get this brat outta here, we’re leaving.

Lolita is stashing Stef’s clothes in Carmeany’s old room when she runs across Stef’s jewelry. Carmeany walks in and laughs, Ha ha ha those are actually CARMEANY’S jewels, not Stef’s. Their father always bought them identical jewelry. Lolita doesn’t buy it, she saw Stef wearing them many times. Meany snatches them away and says she doesn’t have to give excuses to a mere servant. Lolita starts working things out in her head, first Carmeany said Stef took the jewels, and now they end up in Carmeany’s room, also the police never returned any jewelry from the crash. Lolita says she’s wanted to leave many times but she sticks around for her Elisa. Car hisses if Lolita wants to stay then she’d better watch what she does and says and quit rummaging around with things that don’t belong to her. Car goes all psycho bug eyes, gathers up all the other jewelry she’s got stashed around the room and locks it in a drawer.

As Paloma and Elisa walk along the road Gael runs to join them. He has the special amulet from Damian that Elisa is to wear always. Gael tells them that Gabino and Hell Mom are taking Damian away as they speak, so the three pals form a human barricade across the road which, knowing Vampira, is  a pretty stupid thing to do. Gabino stops, “The brats are in the road”, he says. “Run them down!” commands the Dark One, hoping to traumatize her child forever. Luckily the children fling themselves off to the side. Damian yells out the window, “Elisa, I’ll be your friend forever!” “Me too!”, yells Elisa.

Ughusto comes home to his pathetically obsessive wife. She slurps his face and gushes she is so glad their lives have returned to normal. “Normal???” he says, “nothing that’s happened is normal. I think our marriage was a mistake.” Carmeany ignores his concerns and plays octopussy as she wraps her eight arms around him.  She gushes about THEIR baby and he just looks shell-shocked. He is such a tool.

Months Later:
Carmelon shows off her big impregnated belly to her mirror reflection, but guess what? Ughusto is still not terribly interested. Car, I admire your tenacity but your taste in men absolutely sucks. You ruined your sister’s reputation and committed all sorts of hell-guaranteeing subterfuge for this waste product? Car gushes about the baby wanting to be born any minute. Augusto, who has a head for math at least up to the number 10, observes the baby won’t be born for at least a few more weeks and she should see the doctor. He wants to go with her because he ALWAYS went with Estefania. “Well stop comparing me to Estefania, I want to go solo” she says. Fine, he says, he'll go play with his habaneros while she gets all hormonal.

The Only Gossip in town tells the Biggest Beeyatch in town that she suspects Carmeany’s spawn was conceived before her marriage. And...Alf makes me ralph.

Over at Casa Castañon Lolita stands by the beautiful pool and tells Braulio to clean the water and make sure everything is perfect for Elisa’s pool-party. Carmelon walks up and asks since when does Dolores (i.e. Lolita) give orders? Carmelon has a marvelous idea, she orders Braulio to empty the pool immediately, empty it right now so as to ruin Elisa’s party. Wheee, it’s so much fun being bat-s**t crazy!

As Carmelon stalks away from the pool she is intercepted by Gabino, who has apparently not changed his shirt despues meses. Uh oh, he has a ponytail. Didn’t someone warn us about a ponytail? Guess what? He wants to blackmail her. She threatens to kill him. He licks his lips like wants to jackalize her. I think they should both do what they want immediately.

Now we are in Blanca’s store; she’s happy having earned lots of money for a custom dress. Lucio is feeling habanero-withered (
™Novela Maven) because he’s helping and has a tape-measure around his neck, pobrecito. His world is the earth, fertilizer and habaneros, not the whims of women!

Ughusto is tying one on at the local cantina when Lucio walks in. Luc says at least he’s “retired”, what’s Ugh’s excuse for drinking?  More about Elisa being a kid who needs her father. Ugh talks about his expected son, slams down a shot of tequila, says at least the baby will make all this worthwhile, and leaves. Lucio raises his bodacious eyebrows and snarks “Cheers Augusto.”

The only doc in town has examined Carmelon, says it’s a matter of days, and is clearly enchanted by what he saw (Ick, or I don’t know, or whatever) because he is totally hitting on her. She wants to make sure he never told anyone she was preggers before she was married, right? Because she’s so completely happy now. He gazes at her like he’ll do whatever she wants as long as it involves future boinkage.

Oh give me a break, Gabino is in the cantina trying to ruin Lucio’s night again. He announces that this cantina is for MACHOS, not [bleep] like Lucio who like to make dresses. (I wonder what got censored?) UPDATE: Gabino called Lucio a mariquita, i.e. poofter. He starts bragging about being Uno Macho just because he brown-nosed Lucio out of a job. I think they should just whip out their manhoods and compare, I’ll bet Lucio’s is much more impressive than the steroid-swilling Gabino’s. Lucio stands up and literally punches the snot out of Gabino, pretty much proving my theory.

Evil Stepmother finds Elisa happily burbling with her dolls and her future little brother’s things. She shrieks and grabs Elisa, telling her to stay away from Her Son’s clothes! Elisa wails he’s also her little brother. Carmeany starts strangling Elisa and insulting Stef, but the child rebels, screams and runs out of the house near the EMPTIED pool. Carmelon runs after her, yelling she’ll teach the demon child a lesson and demanding her baby’s things back. Carmelon momentarily teeters at the pool’s edge before taking a header right into the emptied-as-ordered pool and falling flat on her cantaloupe. Sorry bingo players, she missed the steps entirely.

Avances: Carweenie wails to Rosendo in her delerium.  Disgusto hears and has doubts (serves you right dumba**). No little brother for Elisa.

Labels:


Comments:
Wow, you're an early bird Cap'n Sylvia! Thanks for the breakfast recap and laughs to start the day.

I missed the first few episodes of this novela, so I'm wondering if Estefania knew that Augusto was missing part of his brain. She could live with that problem until he needed it to deal with the lies he heard about her.

Augusto is such a heartless, cruel, egotistical man, who doesn't deserve pardon from Elisa. Estefania's death could've been avoided, if she knew Augusto could handle the truth. She would've confided in him and found a way to deal with Rosendo and Carmina together. Of course the novela writers would've come up with some other ridiculous scenario...
jb
 

What a wonderful recap. I could see every scene it was so complete & descriptive. And funny! Where to begin -- so many lines had me chuckling. What a trio of ugly villains. I guess the Jackal is poor Paloma's papa. Too bad for her.

Good luck to Baylor tonight Carlos. JudyB -- are you with Ohio or OSU? Cause if it's OSU I have to hope you go down to my Orangemen. Boy that was a close one last night. But on we go to the Elite Eight.

Güera
 

Wicked funny, Sylvia! So many gems! I'll be back later for comments. [That work thing again...]
 

"Car, I admire your tenacity but your taste in men absolutely sucks. You ruined your sister’s reputation and committed all sorts of hell-guaranteeing subterfuge for this waste product?"

What a great quip, Sylvia. Sums up the Carmina/Uhgusto situation perfectly Nuff said.

Head suck-up and Gabino, his nose a dark shade of brown, were close seconds in my Hall of Fame. And who can forget "she slurps his face"? Right on lady!

I only saw a few moments of this because I was in full March Madness mode last night. But I hate hate hate Carmina. More than Gabino and Fina. Guess I need to get over to Padre Lala and confess my mental sins.

Now Güera, much as I love you, we are mortal enemies at the moment. I love your coach too...but NOT Saturday! On Saturday that red-eyed slavering demon that is my Old Brain will take over my Frontal Lobes and I'll be out for blood.

But fear not...last year Kentucky beat us and Emilia and Mike and I are still friends. In fact we had the best lunch ever together yesterday. They are a hoot and our waiter fell in love with Emilia just walking her to the bathroom. That woman is a charmer!
 

Oh and forgot to note the marvelous title and quote from Agatha Christie. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
 

Another PS. Thanks for that translation of "manos de hilacha". Since I have butter fingers myself, I'm going to try and remember the phrase for it at least!
 

What a wonderful Friday morning wake-me-up. As usual Sylvia, you just deliver the goods with your wonderful flair and snark. I was smiling and laughing thru this whole recap.

"The Cheese stands alone" has to be my favorite. Don't know why, but thankfully the coffee was safely sitting on the coaster reading that one. I personally would like to take a grater to that chick.

And Fina--you know, the ACME anvil business is compiling a nice order on this TN. I say she deserves an extra-special heavy or multiple anvil moment for wanting to mow down three children. Just speechless on that one.

"Gael, the most sensible and mature person in this mess, prays to the Virgin to protect his little friends." He just continues to break my heart as he tries to protect and comfort his friends. Seems it will be his role in this TN, and being I so enjoy Mark T., seems to be a good fit.

Ughusto = dumb A**. He must have fallen on his head as a child too many times.

With my Boilers out of the running, I'll say congrats Judy for last night. Have to support our fellow Big Ten teams once in awhile, although I"m also pulling for Ohio to knock off UNC. Love those cinderellas.
 

Loved, loved, loved Lucio punching out the jackal. (Did it really say that on his jacket? Too funny!) The omitted insult was omitted in the captions as well, but I’m betting it was some kind of homophobic slur that wouldn’t go over well in the United States. If I have time, I’ll go back and try to read his lips…

My favorite bits from today’s recap:

“Alf makes me ralph” – of course!

“the Hot Nasty and the Cold Nasty; the Cheddar Cheese stands alone; Bad Hair Dad” – a treasure trove of new nicknames (oh, and “Carmelon,” too, but it looks like she won’t be Carmelon for long)

“Fine, he says, he'll go play with his habaneros while she gets all hormonal.”

“Wheee, it’s so much fun being bat-s**t crazy!”

“She threatens to kill him. He licks his lips like wants to jackalize her. I think they should both do what they want immediately.”

BTW, we did get “suéltame” last night. It’s not on my bingo card, but I’m generous in my obsession. 
 

Great work, Cap'n Sylvia.

Carmina, read 1 Kings, 23. "And the dogs in the street shall eat Jezebel." (Elmer Gantry is one of my favorite movies).

So we didn't have a Staircase of Death but an empty pool. I was afraid Elisa would fall into it, but this ended Carmina's demon spawn. Of course Rosario of Mi Pecado will look like an amateur compared to Carmina.

Ughgusto is making me angrier than all the others for being so willfully blind through all this.

High five to Ramona for facing Gabino down.

Alfonsina is now on the express train to Karmageddon along with Carmina. Ordering someone to run down three children? I hope that driver is a gossip.
 

Sylvia- I didn't get to watch this last night because I was out watching Casa de Mi Padre with Anita (see new pic). But I felt like I saw it all with your fantastic recap.

I am not looking forward to the fallout from Orangina losing her tangerine. Poor Elisa will be in the direct line of fire.
 

Sylvia, thanks for another wonderful recap. Your title was all too appropriate for a man who is fast becoming one of the dumbest TN men of my short viewing history. At least Pedro (from El Tal's) stupidity has a flair of the ridiculous so one can't take him or the TN seriously. But Uhgusto's foolishness over the past few nights has left me speechless.

Though Carmeany will blame her fall on poor Elisa (I wish the Padre or child protective services could swoop in and take her and Damain), it was a bit of reaping/sowing that she ordered the pool drained and appears to have lost her spawn in that same pool.
 

Let me join the chorus of praise, Cap'n Sylvia! This is great stuff!

From the perfect title to the recurring motif (Alf makes me ralph), you were on top of your game last night.

"... we get to see Ughusto WIMPHANDLE(™Sylvia) Fina out the door."

"Hot nasty (Gabino) vs Cold Nasty (Fina)" (oh, I warned you about the icky little ponytail!)

And especially, the fabulous final line:

"Carmelon momentarily teeters at the pool’s edge before taking a header right into the emptied-as-ordered pool and falling flat on her cantaloupe."

As Güera said, now we can guess that the Jackal is poor Paloma's father.

Carmina, of course, deserves "la tragedia" we are being warned of -- imagine! Draining the pool in the summer in hotter than the hinges of Hades country just to spoil Elisa's moment of pleasure and make Lolita eat a little dirt!

We KNEW at that moment that someone would fall into the empty pool though until I saw the melon go splat I feared for Elisa ...

PS: I'm guessing the censored epithet was 'maricón' or some variant thereof.
 

Wow - great stuff Sylvia! Top of your game!

"falling flat on her canteloupe" LOL! How you put it! Splat! Surprise! for draining the pool to spite Elisa. But really - I couldn't believe they showed her landing belly first!

UA - the driver was Gabino. He has no problem mowing down escuincles per the patrona's orders.

Audrey
 

Oh yeah - I also assumed "maricón" was the bleeped epithet. Lucio really showed him LOL!
 

If it's Friday, it's my tn-catch-up-day! Sylvia, I will get to your recap and this episode soon and will check back then. As I was scrolling down the comments the word "cantaloupe" popped out a lot. Can't wait to see why yet another fruit is being used for our comic relief!

Marta - thanks for yesterday's recap. As always, so helpful, detailed and fun.

Also from yesterday:

NM - I love your withered habaneros suggestion. That would be excellent!

Blue Lass - I had to LOL with your funny "I hope it's a Fall Down Stairs" comment.

Me voy, me voy, me voy to go get caught up.

Rosemary la Otra
 

Vivi and Anita! I love the new picture! How nice for you to get together. Hopefully Blue Lass and I will be posting a similar picture after seeing Casa in Florida next week. Carayites Unite!
 

ANNOUNCEMENT: I forgot to announce in my recap that our Monday recapper Sara will be on vacation next week and Cynderella is not done with her finals until April. Any takers for guest-recapper on Monday? If not I will post a header for discussion.

R la O, Oopsie, you reminded me that the withered habaneros is trademarked to Novela Maven. I've got to fix that pronto! Sorry NM. I copy so many of y'all's good ideas I can't keep them straight.
 

Ejem. You can (TM) me on "Pop Goes the Sleazy" as well -- it was my finest hour. Although it's true that we all stand on the shoulders of dwarves...
 

O.M.G. Tracy!

I appreciate your scrupulousness, Sylvia but if we had to acknowledge the origin of each SNARKLET™, we would have very little Torah and a whole lot of Talmud.

(Still, it IS fun to type ™)

Er... Blue Lass, are you laying claim to the variant "Pop goes the Sleazel" as well?

[Once the corpus of CarayCaray becomes available, I suspect we will discover that "withered habaneros" was used before. I do think it fits nicely in our lexicon of vulgar fruit and vegetable metaphors.]
 

I will allow for "Pop Goes the Sleazel" as satire and thus protected from copyright. :)
 

Uh oh, sorry Blue Lass, I thought I got Pop Goes The Sleazel on my own. I must have read yours and stored it in the dusty parts of my brain for later. Mea culpa amiga. Did you use it for Carmeany or LooKrazy? So appropriate for both I think.

Anyway, thanks ladies, I might stop giving trademark due, it's hard enough just keeping the characters straight, much less who said what in the comments. Let's just agree that collectively we are unbelievable brilliant.

UPDATE: Gabino's insult to Lucio was that he called him a mariquita, i.e. poofter. So those who guessed maricón were right, they are synonymous. Big fat A+ to all you diligent Spanish students out there. See how much we are learning?
 

Ms Snark - hahahahahaahahahaha

Here are my favorite lines:
-hot nasty precedes the cold nasty
-Gabino, his nose a dark shade of brown
-Augusto, who has a head for math at least up to the number 10
-I think they should just whip out their manhoods and compare

And now I get the smashing cantaloupe reference. Thanks, NM, for the related laugh: "our lexicon of vulgar fruit and vegetable metaphors".

Now... off to Telenovelliptical. That means watching our shows while on the elliptical.
 

Thank you, Sylvia! I haven't seen this episode yet (recapping a two hour show pretty much wipes out my evening), but I feel like I did...with an amazingly smart and sassy friend by my side.

I'd point out my favorite lines but I'd pretty much be quoting the whole thing...plus others have mentioned them...but AMEN to the accolades.

So the melon was Gallaghered? At least Elisa can't be blamed for this...although someone will probably blame her anyway. What a pit viper from hell that Carmeany is, draining the pool just to ruin Elisa's party.

I'm jealous of all the Carayland meetups happening. Vivi and Anita, sounds like so much fun! Same to Judy, getting to see Mike and Emilia! I need to cross paths with them sometime. I believe I owe Mike a drink from some long-ago game wager.
 

Carmina will blame Elisa just as Rosario blamed Lucrezia in Mi Pecado.

Toxic parents must currently be the most popular TN villains.
 

Sylvia, thanks for giving us so many detailed scenes, layered with snarky sauce. I loved your title.

Hot nasty and cold nasty--what an evil pair. They would have made road kill of the children.

Carmina must have been wishing for a full pool as she teetered on the edge. She's going to make Elisa's life hell on earth.

Augusto's life is already hell on earth, married to the demonfruit and doomed by his own lack of heart and spine.

La Paloma
 

Julia, if you're recapping FAMILIA, can I just ask -- why does Pina talk so funny? Is that supposed to be baby-talk, or some kind of misplaced snobbery, or is she just weird? I am perversely fascinated by it.
 

Blue Lass, I think Pina is just weird. She's like a fresa on steroids and acid. Basically she has a goofy personality to start with, plus she's had decades of nothing to do but develop affectations. I think she's hilarious when she isn't abusing anyone.
 

This was such a funny recap. "Alf makes me Ralph". OMG that had me laughing hard. Next time my daughter whinges about something, I'm going to say "Alf makes me ralph". She won't get it but will.
I can't wait for the kids to be adults. I'm surprised how long this one is going with the main characters as children. Usually it's only a couple episodes.
 

Julia and Blue Lass,

If you're into fresa humor, check out this tira cómica:

http://www.cindylaregia.com/
 

¡Jajá! ¡Graciosa la Cindy!
 

Cap'n Sylvia - THanks for the recap. I didn't get to watch last night. Do I really want to watch my recording while eating my lunch? 'Alf makes me Ralph' - LOL I'll probably have dry heaves when I'm done watching this one. ;o)
BwaHahahaa...

waaaaaait . . . If Gamino harmed Ramona's daughter, and R is a witch, why hasn't she dished out G's punishment by now and only threatening him if he harms Paloma? Did she learn her spells & witchery after her daughter was hurt? Do I need to find my telenovela beanie hat already?
 

Cap'n Sylvia: Great snarky recap.

Whenever I see Augusto I think he should be Angustio, an expressionless twerp who barely notices he has a daughter.
 

My hypothesis is that Ramona is a curandera and not a bruja; she has no supernatural powers. She learned of Gabino's abuse and/or murder of her daughter either from her daughter's dying words or some time after.

I hope she nails his ass later.
 

Angustio, I love it! Another great nickname for him.

UA, yep, I totally agree. Ramona is savvy enough to throw around the bruja title when it serves her purpose. I think early on Padre L told Gael that Ramona is a curandera, not a bruja. Still, with superstition running rampant in the town she probably can't resist planting a seed of doubt in Gabino's pea brain. I am also hoping she will be involved in his eventual demise.
 

Yes, what Ramona said to Gabino was something along the lines of, "You know I have the reputation of being a witch." I think she was just hoping to scare him. Gee, maybe he'll hallucinate he's being pursued by killer bees or something and fall into the empty pool.

Bingo alert: I'm taking "character travels out of country" for Damián but am debating whether the plane tickets are important enough for "theft of important object" or if Lucio's haymaker on Gabino counts as a "fistfight." I'm figuring probably not in both cases. I think I would like a t-shirt that says "LUCIO'S GOT THE HABANEROS," though.
 

Blue Lass: Don't know what you're talking about, but, it's funny
 

For being the country that coined the word "macho", Mexican TNs sure have a lot of spineless, wimpy, easily manipulated dudes as characters!!!! Not to mention so many super-aggressive super-evil female villains!!!! LOL!
 

Blue Lass - How about "Lucio's Habaneros Aren't Shriveled" for your tee? Or just the generic "Real Men's Habaneros Don't Shrivel"?

Speaking of stinky, sweaty netherregions, how could Aug sleep with Carmina after she had a hot fainting spell in a road and was still sweaty and in the same clothes when she got home? That really grossed me out.

Honestly, that is how I see Gabino too. Not to say I don't enjoy 'em Hot n Nasty (well, actually I don't), but it has to be a FRESHLY SHOWERED Hot n Nasty.
 

Sylvia what a wonderful recap, and you know how much I appreciate your lovely wit.

Wasn't Elisa's expression sad after Fina slapped her?

I would think that Carmina will not only say her fall was Elisa's fault, but also that she pushed her.

If Lucio wants to get back in the pepper business, and Augusto doesn't have a source to process his crop, why don't they go in together and build up a small scale one that can handle Augusto's output?

Thanks again, Sylvia, for you wonderful work.

David
 

LOL I think Pasofina is funny thinking Blue Lass is funny, but not even knowing what she is talking about. You guys are hilarious!
 

Significant Object Alert!!!

Grown-up Elisa is clearly wearing her amulet.

Will Damián come back to La Ermita wearing its mate?

If he does, watch for uberfresa Altair to steal it or hide it, or destroy it. bwahahaha!
 

Blue Lass, I do think the stolen airline tickets count as "theft of important object". I'm on the fence about "fistfight", there was a fist involved, but was it a fight? Any other opinions?
 

Thanks for this Sylvia. You make Friday mornings so much fun.

When I was watching Ramona confronting Gabino, I was thinking very much like she was, "Turn him into a toad!" I shouted... well... maybe later... as you said:

"Ooooh, I just love reptiles and amphibians! More please..."

I wish that Carmina hadn't drained the pool. She crushed my prediction of her daughter falling in love with Damian... sigh... what could have been.

Carlos
 

Pasofino, the bingo cards are here if you want to play along:

https://sites.google.com/site/telenovelasdesquiciadas/bingo

If your question was about Lucio's habaneros, though, I think I'd better just shush.
 

I think the plane tickets count as theft of an Important Object. They're significant in that they symbolize Carmina's and especially Rosendo's disregard for others, they were definitely stolen, and if they were found by an honest person they would change everything. Stefi's reputation would be cleared. Criminy's duplicity and skankiness would be revealed. Ughie would have to eat a murder of crows. Padre wouldn't be burdened by keeping the secret anymore. Elisa wouldn't have to hear so much ugliness about her mother. Etc. Etc.

I'm glad someone finally mentioned Stefi hadn't taken any luggage. And, okay, maybe one could believe she planned to have Rosendo buy her all new stuff, but what about her passport? How was she going to run away to New York without that?
 

I'm thinking maybe Fresno is La Ermita's sister city and the police forces were doing a swap the week of the accident. That's the only thing I can think of to explain so many oversights while "investigating" the accident. (Small detail of the two-decade difference notwithstanding.)
 

Julia, or her makeup and purse.

Carlos
 

Gracias, Sylvia, for the awesome recap. Right on, right on, right on!

Okay, Hell hound Fina, I know what you meant by comparing Elisa stealing Damian with Estefy stealing Rosendo, but but fact that you're even equating two adults supposedly having unbridled sex with two little kids running off to find a little peace is still kind of disturbing. Sylvia, God bless you and I THANK YOU for your Alf makes me ralph short code. What a lifesaver!

Damian and Loopy jumping all over Fina at the same time is always great.

Pobrecita Paloma. Methinks she would be much better off NEVER EVER KNOWING who got her started in the gene pool.

It just wasn't Greasy's day, was it? First he was reamed a new ***hole by Ramona, and then had the other one punched shut by Lucio. Heheh. Embarrassed much?

And speaking of Lucio -- Fina had the audacity to call him old when she was standing there all long in the tooth herself? LOL!

Even though it was crazy, I loved the kids blocking Fina's car. Talk about spunk. Fina is going to have such a hard row to hoe after the kids -- especially Elisa -- grow up and crap starts hitting the fan. What a heifer.

Lolita, don't voice your suspicions to the dingbat who might kill you to SHUT YOU UP. Think, honey.

Wow, that was some nose dive Orange Ho took to the concrete. Couldn't have happened to a nicer gal. (Feeling bad for the baby, but I'd feel worse for the baby if it had that Walking Horror for a mom.)

Thanks again, Cap'n dear. Gotta go read comments now... :)
 

Oh, yeah, the cheese standing alone... LMAO!

And the Agatha Christie quote -- very cool!
 

"How was she going to run away to New York without that?"
You neeeeeed a telenovela beanie hat.
LOL
 

I have a fancy Telenovela Beanie by Emilia™! And...it's even ORANGE! Extra power specially tuned for this show!
 

Blue Lass & Rosemary: I got it. This novela needs humor from somewhere. We are stuck with a trout-mouthed orange woman wearing a wig as a major player.
 

To Whom it Concerns:

Be it Known, that, Regrettably, Anita is still trying to close down the Tal*Mart over at El Talisman and is unable at this time to open up a Passion Pit branch, wherever it is you all are located.

Unless someone is inspired to open up a Tienda Para los Rancheros en el Abismo, there will be no I heart Lucio T-shirts, regardless of how well deserved he might be.

Yours Truly,
Anita, lately the manager of Tal*Mart in sunny Freesnow.
 

Gabino tries some post-promotion sucking up
NO KIDDIN!!! he asked Fina if he could go grab his things to move right into the admin office at La Anita... only to be dropped from the high cloud instantly by Fina... and a prediction from her lips.. NOONE WITHOUT THE ARANGO LAST NAME WILL EVER BE IN THIS OFFICE... (save that thought )
 

Sylvia!! that was amazing!!
LOVED:
Alf makes me ralph. Code.. LOL!!
Carmeany suggests Lolita check the jewelry box and we are assaulted by Fur Elise.
Carmeany ignores his concerns and plays octopussy as she wraps her eight arms around him
Augusto, who has a head for math at least up to the number 10,
He gazes at her like he’ll do whatever she wants as long as it involves future boinkage.
I think they should just whip out their manhoods and compare


Btw, Gabino asked Orangina the little blue bonnet house, now that he has a higher position at La Anita, he needs to go up in housing category as well. She threatens him with telling the things he did to help Rosie and Orangina meet, he threatens her that Augie will find out who is the baby’s real daddy.. so they basically have a tight grip on each other’s strings


The FALL FLAT ON YOUR FACE POPPING THE BALLOON BELLY FLAT AS A PANCAKE version of get rid of the bad genes baby!! loved it!!

Here is what I heard of the previews: ‘no me lo quites, Rosendo’… Augie asks ‘why are you calling Rosendo?’… then Gabino telling someone, apparently Augie, that Carmina’s baby is not his… ‘whose then??’… someone close to you, but unfortunately you can’t go berate him anymore..(we see shots of Rosendo, apparently giving impresion that Augie has the right man in mind as the other possibility? … then Augie is not a happy camper standing in front of Carmeleon’s bed while she looks at him scared.
 

Blue lass.
I think I would like a t-shirt that says "LUCIO'S GOT THE HABANEROS,"
LOVE IT!! can i get in line for one?
Stephe,
It just wasn't Greasy's day, was it? First he was reamed a new ***hole by Ramona, and then had the other one punched shut by Lucio. Heheh. Embarrassed much?
ITA, just what i was thinking... esp when Fina dropped him back to reality telling him he will never be more than a mere EMPLOYEE at La Anita...
Julia,
I think the plane tickets count as theft of an Important Object.They're significant in that they symbolize Carmina's and especially Rosendo's disregard for others, they were definitely stolen, and if they were found by an honest person they would change everything. Stefi's reputation would be cleared. Criminy's duplicity and skankiness would be revealed. Ughie would have to eat a murder of crows. Padre wouldn't be burdened by keeping the secret anymore. Elisa wouldn't have to hear so much ugliness about her mother. Etc. Etc.
absolutely!! they are what i call a single slam dunk evidence for a DA case on Carmaleon being Rosie's h_ and clearing Este's name.
Blue Lass
“Fine, he says, he'll go play with his habaneros while she gets all hormonal.”
thanks! i had missed that snark completely.. but i admit i am pretty tired from a long days work.

BTW, the important trademark object, other than the plane tickets, are definitely the amulets now worn by Damian and Elisa. (it didn't work for Rosie and Fina, but nothing would have worked for them, they were a lost cause... )
 

Did anyone notice the lack of a will from Rosie... wasn't he BY FAR the riches man in town?? Is the whole town so scared of Fina to not question anything regarding a will from Rosie?
did Rosie leave anything with Padre for Gael? will a document show up later out of nowhere or when Gael gets to his 21st bday?
 

Yeah, Marta, the whole Rosendo death has been botched big time! From the oh so carefully done investigation to no ruckus over a will? What the que??

Oh, man. :(

*chuckling at Anita* :)
 

Stephe, "First he was reamed a new ***hole by Ramona, and then had the other one punched shut by Lucio. Heheh." Bwahahahhahaa!!! Good one.
 

Sorry to be so late to the party today. Thanks, Cap'n for a wonderful recap.

EJ
 

Carmina deserved to loose her devil child. Now the chilf will join his devil of a father and his truthfull aunt. In your face Carmina
 

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