Caray, Caray!

Awesome, Cap'n! Let me go on record as being grateful to you and the other recappers who burn the midnight oil so that I can have a tremendously entertaining breakfast.

I will drop back in after class to highlight my favorite passages, but the all-around winner was "What a stupid party." I think that's the subtitle of this show, actually.
 

How can you be so good at this, Sylvia? It's uncanny the way you just keep turning out one hilarious line after another. I'm tempted to quote the whole recap but I'll settle for these lines which especially pop for me:

"Be careful Elvira or you’ll slip on your own drool."

"Cami runs to Geno crying her eyes out because she and Pedro are fighting about the same old thing. I totally get that, they make me want to cry too."

"I think he’s going to go into neanderthal mode again. Yep!! He grabs the amazon, flings her over his shoulder and takes her back to his cave. Well, her room actually, and he romantically locks her in. Dude, you are such a chick magnet, no wonder they can’t resist you."

"Elvira is orgasmically eating her dessert..."

"Pigorio dreams about running into Elvira at the GAGG ball and her calling him an ugly old fart. He wakes up sweaty, ugly and probably farty too"

And the passage which best summons up the romance and whimsy of the whole:

"He says finally Pigorio is going to put Panchito in his rightful place. Nose-picking foreman maybe. Or lead engineer for the mining of Alcatrash boogers"
----------
I KNEW Pedro would have to go to Tijuana. Is it too much to hope for an interesting interval? Well yeah, probably.

Brigitte's pulling a face at Ugly Masked Doris's plans for the Pig are another leaden hint -- those two (Pig and Brig) have knocked trotters in the past. Maybe their issue in our picanariz, Panchito?
 

Excellent recap followed by some extremely funny comments. So will Pedro find his missing wife now, will we see she's abt to take her vows? Will she be saved in time.

Elvira and her sheets moment did we really need to see that they could have talked about it and I still would have been repelled,

Tonight new telemundo starts so will rely on you guys to keep me thrilled with wonderful recaps. I wonder if there would ever be a telenovela based on Cary blogs what a hoot that will be.
 

Sylvia - my DVR didn't record last night's show, so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your vivid recap. I am glad I missed the nose pick by the narizpicador. What do you see in him, Tracy?
 

thanks for the recap, Sylvia!@ will have to wait to lunch to read and comment... for now...
in the end Antonio said stte of :
I got her fingerprints on the bottle, so i can accuse her of murdering my father... then Camila will not be able to get away from marrying me... (so i was almost right, the blackmail to camila is in the plans, just not because of Armani, but because if Elviral herself and the prints on the bottle of pills for Pigorio)
 

haven't read the recap yet, but from NM's comments, ITA.. LOVED..
"Be careful Elvira or you’ll slip on your own drool."

"Cami runs to Geno crying her eyes out because she and Pedro are fighting about the same old thing. I totally get that, they make me want to cry too."

"I think he’s going to go into neanderthal mode again. Yep!! He grabs the amazon, flings her over his shoulder and takes her back to his cave. Well, her room actually, and he romantically locks her in. Dude, you are such a chick magnet, no wonder they can’t resist you."

"Elvira is orgasmically eating her dessert..."

"Pigorio dreams about running into Elvira at the GAGG ball and her calling him an ugly old fart. He wakes up sweaty, ugly and probably farty too"
 

BTW, Sylvia,

With OOPS (Operation Opprobriate Pedro Soon), you did it again! :)
 

I have been lurking for several years on this wonderful site.
Wonderful recaps.....todo.
Continuity error (what else is new for El Tal?)How can Renato take El Viral to his "yacht" in FRESNO? Didn't know Fresno was a luxury yachting community. As others point out, time to tighten the beanie.
sf chica bonita
 

Marta, thank you for translating Antonio's last statement. Every time Antonio was fighting with Doris about Camila or talking to his daughters about Camila or just muttering about Camila I actually laughed out loud. Poor Camila is absolutely clueless about all the action going on because of her.

Thanks for the comments everyone. I very much like the idea that our picanariz could be the spawn of the Pig and the Madam.

Meester Renato is very resourceful. If he used his energies toward actually working and earning money honestly he might be doing well by now. It seems that as a gigolo he is somehow lacking.

Novela Maven, hee, I was trying to think of an acronym for Operation Poison Pigorio but I was too tired last night. Anyone got any ideas?
 

sf chica bonita, Welcome! Thank you for commenting. Oh duh, it didn't even occur to me last night that Fresno is completely landlocked. Too funny! Well, since they are actually filming in Miami maybe they will get around that small detail.
 

But wait, I just remembered I have been to regattas at Huntington Lake hosted by the Fresno Yacht Club. The lake isn't actually in Fresno but it's in the same county. OK, I just checked the FYC site and they boat out of Millerton Lake (20 miles from Fresno) and Huntington Lake (90 miles from Fresno). Who knew? People in Fresno I guess.
 

Sylvia,

I say simple is always best. What about ...

OPEL (Operation Poison El Pig)
 

Cap'n
Leave it to the writers to actually get the "yachting" right on a technicality. Living in No. Cal, I didn't remember any huge body of water in Raisinville. Venevision films almost everything in Miami. They use a lot of the same locations and actors. Wish they would get ?better? writers. Pobre Rafa Novoa. He was so good in "Pura Sangre". Oh well. Obviously I keep watching zzzzz. I'd be lost without the recaps.
sf chica bonita
 

Wicked wicked lady...I could just feel your annoyance simmering through this whole recap...and rightly so! Imagine having to re-visit this repetitive lackluster basura. I'm awarding you all Purple Hearts.

And special awards to:

The Harlot and Belt Buckle fight about their daughters.
Didn'I recap this same conversation last Thursday?
Be careful Elviara, or you'll slip on your own drool.
His amazingly boring kisses soon thaw the ice queen.
What a man! what a lover! what a croc!

Yep, that's our Sylvia. And in passing, is this our first nose-picking minor character? Hope this dreadful habit doesn't become a new telenovela tradition. I may be relegated to just book-reading forever.

Thanks Miss Sylvia, like Rick Whatchamacallit, you took one for the team.
 

sf chica bonita,

Bienvenida! I also lurked for a long time before daring to comment. And now I can't seem to shut up. This has become my favorite Procrastination Station. The more I write here, the more real world stuff piles up for me ... ay ay ay.

This blog is more addicting than the novelas themselves.
 

Operation Gagorio/Rat Extermination (OGRE).

A crisp salute to the Cap'n for wrangling this bumbling episode into something worth reading. "Be careful Elvira or you’ll slip on your own drool" was my favorite. She drives me nuts for the same reason Julieta Rosen annoyed me in CME...that horrid breathy way she talks..."oh, woe is me, I am such a delicate orchid, I may just swoon with all this drama!"

How many times can Camila and Pedro go through the same idiotic fight/caveman/lunging kiss routine? Never mind; I don't want to know. Surprised we didn't get the lunging kiss last night. Maybe tonight.

Too, too funny that the whole Negrete family is sturm und drang over Antonio's impending marriage to Camila...which she knows nothing about. I'm sure it will be a happy marriage and she'll make a wonderful stepmother...I wonder if they'll tell the heartwarming romantic story of how he blackmailed her into it at the reception.

Armando is not cut out for villainy. A real villain wouldn't sit there thinking, "It's so easy to find out about people on the internet...there's no way I can keep Fab and Flor from finding out they're dating the same guy!" A real villain would just disable the whole internets. Doy.

What on EARTH does Tracy see in that picaschnozz? Maybe she needs to sign up for a class at the university (where F&F attend despite being young enough to be caught up in a custody battle) so she can meet more people.
 

Favorites not yet mentioned:

“Oh cool, we get to hear their thoughts while they eat.”

“It’s daddy and he wants to talk and explain that he was very mad when he murdered grandpa’s wall safe.”

“She keeps saying “No puedo”. Oh sure you can.”

“Pig says whatever Pancho does don’t let Tony know he’s sick, otherwise the Pig's unit will shrink.”

I confess to also being so utterly immersed in Alternate Fresno that it never even occurred to me that there was no ocean there. Guess I'll just climb into the beanie and zip it up.
 

Sylvia thanks so much for your recap. As others have noted I am amazed at your humor considering the awful mess this TN is.

I'm beyond shocked that Tracy is with Pancho. I had hoped I misunderstood something. Based on the male population in this Fresno people should take Julia's option (from Una Familia which TN characters never seem to do) and go it ALONE.
 

Sylvia, Reading one of your recaps always brightens my day. Your attention to detail, well chosen words and great humor "What a lover! What a crock" never fail to delight!

You entertain and delight. Always exceptional! Thank you, thank you!

Diana
 

Well, Cap'n, it isn't you that's steering this contraption onto the rocks. You did your best. Congratulations on being one of the best.

This is the first time I had to close my eyes during a love scene. It was impossible to switch channels, because the damn scenery kept changing so fast I was afraid I'd miss some of the "action" over at El Tal or at Pigorio's rancho. All one can say is ACK, BLECH and all the ACID REFLUX that got stuck in my craw.

Otherwise, I got a kick out of this rollicking good comedy. Where else can you get murdered safes, Neanderthals and White Masked Raiders. (Pardon me, but wouldn't Piggo recognize the hair color and tell tale pony tail?)

Now on to the comments. I'll be back.
Anita
 

Dear Cap'n:
As always, your snark was perfection itself in this dandy recap.

I laughed out loud at this one:
"Alone in the bedroom, Cami reconsiders. Maybe she was a bit prudish – what’s a little kiss, after all?"

Truth, thou sayest truth, Sylvia. Camila is the most irrational, prudish, uptight, heroine I have ever seen, in any medium. DH had a comment here, "She has been shrieking since she opened her mouth." I think he meant in last night's episode but it is really true for the last 20-something episodes. We know the woman had bad parenting but For Heaven's Sake! Shut up already.

I think operation OOPS is an inspired title for the next Tony Lulu screw-up. You know that this one is going nowhere—anybody heard of a newspaper morgue? The internet? A talk with the nice policeman who already told her Mariana had been missing for years?

"She calls Tony with this update and he tells her to calm down, Operation Opprobriate Pedro Soon (OOPS) is about to go into motion, a newspaper article blaming him for his wife’s disappearance."

So what IS this trip Tijuana, anyway? Who cares if Pedro will come back? Does he feel NO responsibility to his/Mariana's business interests in El Tal? Will Pedro find Mariana begging in the streets of Tijuana and have to put Camila in the back of the pick-up for the 400 mile ride home from Mexico?

As Sylvia said so well, here:
"Hey folks, I don’t write this crap I just report it."

Rant ahead...

Why is EJ hurling shoes at DH's giant television? Because no one will be there to clean up after her if she hurls her lunch on said TV.

To the writers and producers of El Tal...
You want-wit, windbag, King's of Codpieces need to get a JOB!

Love,

EJ
 

Your comments are really the highlight of my day. Honestly though, this stupid telenovela is pretty fun to recap. I didn't really feel like I was taking one for the team. I think Novela Maven had that honor Friday when nothing happened. Thanks to everyone for checking in and to our new commenter sf chica bonita.

NM, wouldn't your acronym be OPEP? We might have to go with Julia's OGRE for, um, obvious reasons. Oh, and "knocked trotters", LOL!!

Karen I am with you about the ALONE thing. One of my favorite lines when someone asks me about doing something alone is "At least I'm in good company", har har. Stupid joke but sometimes people get it.

And the rant award of the morning goes to...Elna June for "You want-wit, windbag, King's of Codpieces need to get a JOB!". EJ, you may pick up your bronzed avocado at the front desk.
 

When people ask if I'm doing something alone, I say "I wish! The voices in my head never shut up!" They probably think I'm kidding.

"Knocked trotters" is an excellent turn of phrase. I'll have to remember that.
 

"NM, wouldn't your acronym be OPEP?"

Doh!!!

[NovelaMaven smacks self in head.]
 

Sylvia - loved your OOPS.
Julia - loved your OGRE.
Here's mine... PIMP Pig Ingesting Medicinal Poison

Best thing about EJ's rant... The way she signs off so sweetly "Love, EJ"

NM - "and now I can't seem to shut up". Please don't! You are tops!
 

Operation Choke Rat And Profit (O CRAP).
 

Thanks, Sylvia. This is such a treat. Last night had me cracking up, but your recap is even more hilarious.

Elvira and Renato were my faves last night.

"We'll have breakfast on my yacht... oh crap, did I just say 'yacht'?"

I was hoping for more of Rita and Oscar... don't they make a cute couple?

"Pedro’s boozing it up and Aunt Patty’s worried."

I counted 3 drinks for Pedro... does that count as

GALÁN GETS DRUNK<?

Is he really our galan?

Welcome chica bonita.

Carlos
 

As for recycling conversations....I think Venevision is also recycling furniture. Much of the bedroom furniture looks just like the stuff they had in the Arismendi Household in Eva Luna. In fact, the hallway also looked like it came from the Arismendis set. Then there is the kitchen in the Renato-Renta-Palace. Except that there was an attempt to slightly re-arraange it, the kitchen countertops also looked suspiciously Eva-like.

I didn't catch the yacht inconsistency, but if you say there is a Yacht Club in Fresno, we'll concede that point to the writers.
 

Julia - just noticed the truck pic. Are you following
Pedro to Tijuana?
 

I thought that kitchen looked very familiar! The furniture, too. I thought watching a Uni/Vene production would get me out of my usual game of "spot the recycled stuff" but I guess not.
 

RlaO: Apparently so! I took that picture on my way to work last week. Should have kept following it south...I would probably be warmer!
 

Me voy, me voy, me voy, al ophthalmologist. How am I going to survive the afternoon if they dilate my eyes and I can't read comments?
 

Since I missed the show yesterday, and don't want to be behind and lost tonight, jk, can someone tell me who Rita's Oscar is?

Also, do we have an approximate end-of-show date?
 

I want to leave you with a selection of choice comments you all were making about ElTal at Week 22 (Ack, we’re only at 22? Heaven have mercy on us poor sinners.)


Talismaniacs Sub-Motto:
"Making Something Out of Nothing Since January 2012. Although it seems like much longer."

...it seems as though these characters continue to regress (if that is truly possible). If there has been a more loathsome or pitiful bunch of characters, I can't recall.

...it just isn't fair that all you bright talented people have to watch and recap this dreck

...the whole episode sounded to me like it was disjointed, rambling and boring.

...the recapper is stuck trying to make guacamole from the plaga infested aguacates which these episodes often are.

...Half the characters seem to have had personality transplants. The other half were either drugged or sleepwalking. (Except for Antonio who is under the influence of the belt buckle and must obey.)

...The whole episode was a weird combo of lazy writing, desultory acting, and wretched editing.

...[the recap] was really, really good. Particularly in light of how this one did hop, skip and jump, mince and slice. Editing by Ginsu knife, maybe.

...Continuity Department was let go for budgetary reasons. You can find them -- along with the disaffected writing staff -- scanning the Telemundo Help Wanteds while they wait for their unemployment benefits to kick in.

...those of us who are watching this particular show and WRITING ABOUT IT (!!!!) are in no position to judge other people's taste.
 

Rosemary laO,

Oscar (I'm pretty sure that's his name) is the cute little red-headed butterball who Rita had to keep distracted while Renato used his castle for his seduction of Elvira.

Now since his wife is going to be out of town for the next 3 mos. he wants to rent Rita to keep him entertained while she's gone.

Carlos
 

Hey, thanks, Sylvia - super, como siempre. And OBTW, Renato's wondering if he can spirit Elvira up your way and borrow your boat for a couple of hours. Surely, Cap'n Sharkbait will help a brother out...?

Anyone else think Renato looks a little like Pat Paulsen?

So are we to assume that Pedro has a clear and legal immigration status now that he's openly talking of going across the border?

If tal El Tal wins any awards, it will be due to lobbying, not quality, on the part of Venenovision.

And lemme ask: if something more appealing comes along at the 7 o'clock hour, will anyone stick around for the demis, er, end of El Tal? I'd think the recappers would get a pass if they chose to go the Margarito route.
 

Carlos, in answer to your original question. Yes, three drinks for Pedro = Galán gets drunk. I know you are concerned about the technicality of Pedro actually being the galán. I think technically he is, but he would be the Goofus as opposed to the Gallant.
 

R la O, I'm estimating this TN running down in late July or early August, depending on how many times it gets preempted for other stuff. Do you think we could ask for a better one for our birthday...?
 

Mike, I just missed your comment. Interesting question about Pedro's legal status. It kind of flew through my head last night. He didn't seem worried about it. Maybe getting his citizenship was about as fast as getting his acquittal? We blinked and missed it.

Pat Paulsen, bwahahaha!! You are so right, the shape of his head, sad eyes, big teeth. No, he is not stepping aboard my boat. I wouldn't even let him clean the bilge.

Dunno about if they move El Tal to a different time. We'll have to wait and see. I know it's a dog of a show but it is SO DARN FUNNY.
 

Forgot to thank Anita for her amazing list! Yep, our comments are definitely better than the scripts.

I think there are about 120 episodes planned so that would leave about 19 more weeks of El Tal. If they were smart they would try to shorten this thing. God forbid if they decide to extend it. Shudder.
 

Thanks Carlos, sounds like I actually missed something entertaining last night.

Mike, I think El Tal could win the award for makeup. I have seen Doris and Geno both go from bland to beauty, not.to mention Luc's bruises.
Is the Award Show coming up or has it already ihappened?
 

Thanks, Sylvia for another stellar recap. And to Novela Maven for same. The best writers are on the outside looking in - and trying to hold in their lunch while doing it!

How 'bout Operation Pull One Over (on) Pigorio? O POOP Kind of describes this entire show!

Awww gee, missed the picanariz. Gotta quit reading the CCs. NOT!!
 

Believe it or not, I found this photo on the Fresno Yacht Club website.

Carlos
 

Oh a picture of Lake Fresno!
 

Get out! That picture is too, too funny. I think I see Renato's yacht! Great job sleuthing Carlos.

Well we certainly have some terrific acronyms for Pigorio's demise. I knew I could count on you folks to come up with some winners.
OPEP - Operation Poison El Pig
OGRE - Operation Gagorio/Rat Extermination
O CRAP - Operation Choke Rat And Profit
PIMP - Pig Ingesting Medicinal Poison
O POOP - Operation Pull One Over (on) Pigorio

Did I get them all?
 

Anita - I love the list of our comments. Are we really that vicious?

Blue Lass, now we'll have 2 things to celebrate come August!
 

Sylvia, thanks for the terrific recap. This is one show that keeps on giving - the worse the episode, the better the recap.

You do know that if you cannot recap you can just tell us to refer to Recap #____, since this TN is moving in circles.

Julia, love the truck! Pedro's truck is much better than the one Colunga drove in STuD.

Carlos, the photo of the Fresno Yacht Club was priceless.

Rosemary Primera
 

THANKS A LOT, MIKE. I was trying really, really hard to take Renato seriously as a character, but that Pat Paulsen remark put paid to that. It's all over.

Love "Venenovision," BTW.

As for the timing, I have a note on my calendar that says we were supposed to go back to the 8 p.m. slot this week -- but my DirectTV schedule continues with 2 hours of Familia followed by El Tal at 9 into the foreseeable future. Anyone heard otherwise? I would love to have something else to watch -- I'm starting to get a tiny bit interested in Familia but am resisting that interest, as I do not have 3 hours a night to spare...
 

Blue Lass, a few weeks ago TV Guide online showed that El Tal would be going back to 8:00, but when I checked the schedule on Monday the scheduling had reverted back to Una Familia for 2 hours, El Tal at 9:00 and LQNPA at 10:00. GAH!!! I hate waiting until 9:00 and I know the Familia recappers are suffering with those 2-hour episodes. I've been watching Familia but admittedly I fast forward through a bunch of it as I read the recaps.
 

At what point does Pedro say to Lulu, "You're a @#$%^ psycho. Gather up your @#$ voices and get the @#&$ out of my house and if you or your greasy brother/boyfriend comes back, I'm getting a $%&^@ restraining order"? Clearly this should've happened a couple weeks in but still.

Don't get me wrong though. I'm totally loving this show. I can't wait to see from what orifice Renato pulls out a yacht. Shouldn't be too hard if Carlos' picture is correct. Yachting in the fields! Super fun!

Kelly
 

What orifice, indeed, Kelly! Hahaha

Why hasn't Pedro said that? We've all been sitting in our living rooms hollering it, including the #@*& words, but he doesn't seem to be able to hear us! Louder! Louder!