Caray, Caray!

Blue Lass, how COULD you? Now I'll never escape from this stoopid blog, even on weekends when there are no shows. Bah ... ¡me lleva!

Let's repeat Julia's reminder that sometimes only a pop-up or singing card will do. And it's fair play to include William Levy and Mrs. Chocolate, the Mala Suerte dude as well as ACTUAL Tostachos, not just their pictures.

What an inspired topic! jejejejejeje
 

NM, who is "Mrs. Chocolate?"
 

Doris, William Levy is featured in an M&M's campaign for a new flavor that tastes chocolaty inside and out. He shares the scene with a talking, bespectacled M&M whom I think of as "Mrs. Chocolate" and he does his best to seduce her. Of course his intentions are no better than the wolf's were with Little Red Riding Hood's grandma.

It is MUST SEE TV ... digo yo.
 

This is a "Congratulations Papa!" card for Rodrigo in Un Refugio Para el Amor

Two baby-mamas is a lot to handle
In fact it seems quite the scandal
But, you double dipped you wick
Now you look like a dick
And your life is all a shambles

 

The above card could have also applied to Jeronimo in CME. These two galans were actually praying that one of these women was faking a pregnancy. That's a LOT easier to deal with than actually having two women expecting your baby.
 

NM - Thank you! Por la maravilla de youtube, lo busqué y encontré.
Jejejejeje
Sin duda, vendieron muchos M&Ms por esa.
 

OH these are hilarious!!

NM-I love the Mrs. Chocolate and William Levy commercials.

Vivi-I love your offering.
 

Sorry for the typo. Let me repost my Congrats Papa card:

Two baby-mamas is a lot to handle
In fact it seems quite the scandal
But, you double dipped your wick
Now you look like a dick
And your life is all a shambles


 

Oh, this is tooooo funny. Love your idea Blue.

How about this:

Our sincerest sumpathy for your loss:
(Open Card)
Dear Heroine/Hero ( Yes, thats your real name),

Our hearts are with you at this difficult time. We would say try to remember the good times...but you can't. So until you get thru the months of hell soon to follow, we are:

Your friends
( Who you don't remember, but you will at some point.)
 

oops-- sorry on the spelling. Meant sympathy
 

I don't know, Daisynjay, I was sort of liking "sumpathy" :)

Nice one, Vivi!

Here's another:


To Florencia from Damián on the occasion of the unmasking of her fake pregnancy.

Me dijiste que estabas preñada
Y ya me di cuenta que no
Me engañaste con mentiras nefastas
Qué cínica eres, mi Flo

Aún así, te entiendo, chiquita
Tan grande debiera ser tu dolor
Que te encuentres el amor en la vida
Momentito -- ¿conoces el joven Tovar?
 

Sympathy on the Occasion of Your Derailed Wedding:

Tu boda no salió, ¡qué pena!
Un otro robó a tu nena
Tómate un tostacho
Te sientes más macho
O mejor, come una docena

(with coupon)
 

Just brilliant Blue! I love it! Poor Gael.

Novela Maven- That might actually need to be a congrats card for Damian. He dodged a bullet-- no baby, no harpy wife, no more marriage. Best day ever! Great poem.
 

Blue Lass, me dejas sin aliento! The verse is fabulous -- perhaps you could sell this slogan to the Tostacho folks:

"Tómate un tostacho
Te sientes más macho"

But it is the COUPON that is the real stroke of genius!
 

Vivi:

I loved your poem...still giggling. I have to go out but I will make a contribution later.

EJ
 

Vivi, I never would have thought of a "two baby-mamas" card -- pure naughty inspiration!

And Daisy, I also loved "Dear Heroine/Hero ( Yes, thats your real name)" -- jajajó.
 

Blue Lass:

My mind could not find the fine words for a card. Instead I offer a short poetic story—


A Quatrain of Solace
For Gael

Solace can be hard to find
When you have a tiny mind
But ‘People’ magazine has taught
(That the)
Consolation being sought

Might be worth the effort.

Only such a shower scene
Would be quite so convincing
To push a flock of Harvard grads
Contraire to counsel from their dads

Onto a chartered bus.

But

Ivy girls have nothing on…
Caray fans. The conclusion was foregone!
Cap’n Sylv does take her boat
Moving the Patio afloat

On a mission of needful mercy.

Tense onboard as straws are drawn
Naming who is put upon
To sacrifice their mind
For sake of Gael, Be KIND!

You can always read a book.

Right on time the boat is docked
Ship and shape and on the clock;
Now a veiled figure does appear
Walking the plank—No fear!

Hotel room key in her hand.

Red cross blazed upon her breast
Chin high she will meet the test.
Inspired by Miss Nightingale
Our Caray girl will not fail!

She offers Gael dear comfort.

Tacher grins from ear to ear
When later he reappears
In the lobby. his face content
Furor past —he now is spent;

Finest console was he given.

Quickly now—She must not miss
The sailing)! She lays a kiss
On Mark’s lips made hot from kissing.
Gone from his thoughts for now

“Has Elisa has gone a-missing?”

As she runs to the dock gate
Gael’s voice follows. “Wait! Wait!”
Sister Caray Caray Mercy,
“Can’t we have another date?”

Elna June Sonoma
Saturday, September 15, 2012

 

Oh. My. God. EJ, I am (almost) speechless.

If we all ever found our way to a real patio, they could film an entire telenovela-themed comedy show in ONE NIGHT.
 

Blue:

It was my fist time trying out this style for a TN. It would be fun to write a recap like this but would probably take me 3 days.

Giggle. I hope you were (almost) speechless in a good way.

I agree, we could do our own comedy TN. I await the call from Televisa producers..

EJ
 

Blue Lass,

You are too funny.

I can picture a sympathy card with Hoops and Yoyo
shouting,

¡No puede ser!
 

From the Gael table a card for Gael:

With our deepest sympathies, our heart goes out to you over the loss of ever seeing Elisa's boobies. We know how much you were looking forward to that event, and we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers in hopes that you may some day get to realize your dream.
 

Elna June, I go away for a few hours and come back to this -- you are brilliant, woman! I am dazzled and I am sure the boat will be packed. Still, I won't be among those drawing straws. Ni modo. I can always read a book.

Cathyx -- so simple, so eloquent. I'm sure Gael will be deeply touched -- even if no actual touching is involved.
 

Sympathy card from Florencia Landucci to Chente and Paloma upon discovering the identify of their biological father:

¿Hay hombres peor que mi tío?
Un tipo que te dan escalofrío?
Parece que sí
Miren allí
Ese güero que se llama Gabino

De haber sabido que el infeliz de Gabino Mendoza era su verdadero papi, yo nunca hubiera burlado de ustedes. Lo siento mucho.

Besitos,
Flor
 

¡¡AIIIIIIIIII CARAMBA!!

I am having *such* a good time.
 

How amusing! I'll have to see if I can come up with something by tomorrow.
 

Ah my friends at Caray are so witty.
But alas! My skills are quite sh!!ty!
I can't keep the pace,
So I hope to save face,
By leaving this lame little ditty.
 

PS: It took me all day to come up with that. I'm so pitiful. LOL.

I am currently giving myself a Gabino sized headache trying to come up with a card on the occasion of the robbing of the bride. Somehow Tostachos, macho and gacho have to be included.

I might end up giving myself a stroke, though.


 

Sara, you slay me.

UA, looking forward to whatever you're hatching...
 

To Sara with love (and no squalor):

Estás loca de remate
Ni tú crees un tal disparate

Ándale pues ...
--------------------------------

To Gabino Mendoza from all of us on the Patio:

"I'm sorry she shot you in the head, dude"

I heard that you were hurting
From that bullet in your head
A shame Ing didn't aim it right
Cause now you would be dead.

Enclosed is a recording --
Vacuum cleaner, dental drill
And 2-year-old in tantrum mode.
Play as often as you will.

P.S. I'm sipping herbal tea
Ramona's special brew
If you weren't such an SOB,
There would be some for you.
 

A poem:

There once was a dude named Gabino
Who wanted nothing to do with a babino
But knock up he did
Not one but two with a kid
With no one to be their padrino
 

I go out and come back to all of this! You ladies are brilliant!
 

It's hilarious and super! I would love, love, love to see/hear a Hoops and YoYo card that screams out: "No me toques"!!

Could one of you talented people come up with something that includes the Mala Suerte dude. I just love that guy.

A. Lurker
 

A. Lurker:

Please clarify your request. I will do my best to create something if I know exactly what you are looking for. I love a challenge!

In anticipation of your reply,

EJ


 

To Juan Carlos life must be a drag
When in this disguise he will nag
Except that Plutarco
Yelled out “Estoy harto!”
Which only made every grin sag.
 

Elna June Sonoma,

Could you write a ditty for Gael that includes the Mala Suerte dude?

Thank you. :)

A. Lurker
 

Dear Lurker:

I am sorry to so dense...of which Mala Suerte dude are we speaking? The guy in the commercials? Horacio?

As soon as I understand, I will put my writing hat on!

EJ
 

I for one would LOVE to see a whole line of sympathy cards featuring the Mala Suerte Dude.

Qué mala suerte...

...que tu novio fue detenido por la policía en la víspera de la boda
...que el amor de tu vida preñó a otra
...que nadie quiere decirte El Gran Secreto
...que no funciona tu celular cuanda más lo necisitas

 

Qué mala suerte...

...que tu papá disparó a tu novio en el registro civil.

...que tu tía es una

...que la novia que robaste quiere matarte.

...que to nuera no está preñada y ahora tu hijo sabe que eres una manipuladora.

...que tu "niña" fue secuestrada y el único consuelo que tienes es una bolsa de Tostachos.
 

ugh. And pardon typos and mistakes.

that should be "tu tía es una *bleep*
 

elna june sonoma,

So sorry to be so unclear in my request.

To me, there is only one Mala Suerte dude and that is the dude in the commercial. I love, love him. He makes me laugh.

Thank you. :)

A. Lurker
 

Re Mala Suerte, I've been disappointed that the subsequent commercials didn't show his cat!

When nagging storms up such a deluge
For Rodrigo there just is no refuge.
With Mama Loca, Gala, and Julie
He is much in need of a stoolie
And the Padre to come to the rescue.

 

How about this one for Alonssso of AB:

Cover is a photo of Mala Suerte and this: Felitaciones por su impotencia.

Inside it says: De todos modos esta mujer era demasiado buena para ti.
 

Urban Anthropologist!!!! You are GOOD!!! I'm dying!!!

I so love my Mala Suerte dude.

A. Lurker
 

For A. Lurker

Gael Meets Mala Suerte

As Gael was walking down the street
Cell phones chirruped with a Tweet
“Protect yourself! Ware of danger!
You must shun the dark haired stranger.”

Gael not having a cell phone
And tired of being all alone
Soon spots a man over there
Looking a bit worse for wear.

He calls, “O stranger passing by,
You are looking very dry
The Cantina is where I’m bound
And I’d be glad to stand you a round,

If you’d care to join me.

The stranger nods and in they walk
Bars —such good places for a talk!
Gael orders and begins his tale,
“For this I could end up in jail
But I must hunt and find and kill
The man who up until

Today was my best friend.”

“As I stood up this day to be wed
I could not have seen what lay ahead.
When my lovely bride would speak her vow
up rode Damian, and Wow!
He waved a gun, he stole my girl
He turned that horse and with a whirl

Rode off into the sunset.”

The stranger lifted up his glass,
“We cannot let this moment pass,
This sad story that you do boast
Deserves nothing less than a good toast.
Although your life seems void of luck,
And seemingly the world does suck

I am your new friend.”

“My name, you ask? It matters not.
I drink your health on this good thought,

If you did not have Mala Suerte,
You would have no luck at all.”

EJ





 

Urban:
I love your Juan Carlos poem.

I am still contemplating your topic of last week, forgiveness. Such a rich topic, I hardly know where to start.

Instruct me please, as I feel inspired, shall I add to the old thread?

Thanks,
EJ
 

You guys are the most clever, funnest friends ever! Here's my combined Wedding Congratulations / Get Well Soon card:

Ding Dong sound the church bells
Felicitaciónes on your new life.
Bang Bang goes the gun
Sorry you got shot by your ex-wife.
 

Elna June, I bow to your greatness oh bard of the blog! The Ballad of Gael and Mala Suerte -- I can imagine Johnny Cash in his later days a-strummin' and a-singin'.

Urban, thanks for expanding the field and taking us outside the Pit. Poor Alonso. Somehow I don't think he'll take comfort in his special card. :)

Rosemary -- simply inspired! A combo wedding congrats and get well card! (With the prices of cards at AbisMart these days, you are tapping into a huge poor of price-conscious yet still snarky consumers.)
 

Maven:
I love "Sorry she shot you in the head, Dude", your fine poetic offering in English.

Alas my Spanish is not quite up to the test of writing even short narrative poems. It will have to be English for now.

Vivi: I just re-read your Road the Bod poem...."But you double-dipped your wick..." Bwah-ha-ha-ha. You should post this at the start of tomorrow's recap—your fans will love it.

RlaO: Your fine offering, could it have been inspired by CME?

EJ
 

Yes EJ! Good memory! Fina singing Ave Maria is still my favorite scene from any tn.
 

A card of sympathy for Gael on being Gael:

"It ain't easy being Gael"

So sorry your mommy's a skank
And that Dam is much hotter than you
Being left at the altar just stank
(But think what Paloma went through)

We know you have "issues" (who doesn't?)
And reasons to cling and to brood
Yet you can't force a woman to love you
While betraying another's trust, dude.

Hey, fratricide's never the answer
Be grateful you still have a brother!

Oh wait --

You don't know Rosie took off his pants for
The woman who said she's your mother!
 

Elna June, you can. Since I've been working at keeping the weekend posts with jump breaks there will be 20 of them before the earliest ones get shoved off the page when someone clicks on the "weekend" tag.

I just wish there was a better notification when something's been added to.
 

How about some slap-themed greeting cards?

Like a slapping hand that pops up when you open the card. You can send it to the woman who's stealing your husband if you don't have time to confront her yourself.

Maybe you can write something nasty on the hand, like "whore!!!", literally adding insult to injury.
 

Oh. My. Gawd. I can't believe how brilliant and hilarious you all are. Thank you for giving me the gift of howling, snorting, practically-wetting-my-pants laughter. I have always been a limerick girl myself, but EJ's Quatrain and all the other odes to Gael have definitely put this post over the top. A tip of my hat to all of you. Poetry contributors, you are all amazing, every single one of you.

Thank you Blue Lass, you sweet and naughty thing, for posting this. I am all smiles right now as I head into Friday's episode.
 

Julie- I LOVE the pop-up slap card idea! LOL! Will there be be different kinds of slaps? The bitch slap; the pimp slap; the backhand; the double slap?
 

Don't forget the special edition slap with Be-gone follow through.
 

THANK YOU, Elna June Sonoma!!!

My Mala Suerte dude thanks you, too!! Can't you just see him sitting there on a park bench reciting your little ditty?!!!

Love it!

A. Lurker
 

A. Lurker, I didn't know who your mala suerte dude was so I had to look him up on youtube. Love him!! And I love EJ's ditty for him too. Now I will be looking for him during all the commercials, hee.
 

Blue Lass thanks so much for this thread. And commenters, this has been one of the most hilarious ditties ever. The creativity here is inspired.
 

Blue Lass, UA, Novela Maven, Rosemary La Otra,and all the wonderful brilliants on this little project...I'm howling at the ones I can understand but I'm out of it on the ones in Spanish. No matter though...don't want my ignorance to mar the fun!

Please please put me on the list of those calling for the pop-up slap card.

You folks are hilarious! What a terrific idea!
 

I think the slap card should come with a sheet of stick-on phrases for the palm of the hand:

¡¡Eres una cualquiera!!

¿Cómo te atreves?

and my all-time favorite...

¡¡No sabes de lo que soy capaz!!
 

En inglés:

You trashy woman!

How dare you?

and

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF!!!
 

Don't forget "Vas a pagar muy, pero muy caro!" (You are going to pay VERY dearly!)

Blue Lass, your avatar card (avacard?) is perfectly readable on the click through. I love it!
 

Ooh, I didn't see it at the beginning of the post. Even better!
 

Blue Lass you are a comic genius! Love the card!
 

Here are my Spanish cards with English translations. Sorry but I can't make the English ones rhyme -- my brain is too fried right now. :-)

To Florencia from Damián on the occasion of the unmasking of her fake pregnancy.

Me dijiste que estabas preñada
Y ya me di cuenta que no
Me engañaste con mentiras nefastas
Qué cínica eres, mi Flo

Aún así, te entiendo, chiquita
Tan grande debiera ser tu dolor
Que te encuentres el amor en la vida
Momentito -- ¿conoces el joven Tovar?

You told me you were preggers
And now I see you're not
You tricked me with your rotten lies
You're some piece of work, Flo

Even so, I get it, babe
You must really be hurting
I hope you find love in this life
Hey -- have you met Tovar's boy?

Sympathy card to Gael: So sorry your ma is a skank:

Tu mamá es ramera, yo sé
Qué pena contigo mi güey
Pues ni modo, compadre
Lo que hizo tu madre
No fue por tu culpa --
¿o qué?

Your mom is a slut, I know
I'm so sorry, dude
Anyway, buddy
What your mother did
Wasn't your fault --
Are we cool?
---------------------------------------
Sympathy card from Florencia Landucci to Chente and Paloma upon discovering the identify of their biological father:

¿Hay hombres peor que mi tío?
Un tipo que te dan escalofrío?
Parece que sí
Miren allí
Ese güero que se llama Gabino

De haber sabido que el infeliz de Gabino Mendoza era su verdadero papi, yo nunca hubiera burlado de ustedes. Lo siento mucho.

Flor

Are there any men worse than my uncle?
A guy who gives you the willies?
I think so
Look over there
That blonde guy named Gabino

Had I known that that bastard Gabino Mendoza was your real papa, I would never have made fun of you. I'm so sorry.

Flor
--------------------
To Sara with love (and no squalor):

Estás loca de remate
Ni tú crees un tal disparate

(You're nuts
Not even YOU believe that crap)
 

Vivi &
Blue (love the new avatar):

I need a bitch-slap card sent by snail mail ASAP.

I'll take the "¡¡No sabes de lo que soy capaz!!" slogan.

Please send this to Dr. XXX. Remember the old commercial with a guy who gets a handslap to the face, then says, "Thanks. I needed that." Yeah. Well this guy needs this card.

Feeling cranky, still smiling,

EJ



 

Maven:

Love the translations. Let me see what I can do with the English versions to make them rhyme.

Hasta mañana---

EJ
 

Maven:
With all due respect, I tried this for your first poem...

Your mom is a slut, I know
Dude, I’m so sorry that this is so
Anyway, Pal
What your Mother did
You could not forbid—
Are we cool?

EJ

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I am not worthy!!!
 

You told me that you were a carrying,
my baby so now we are marrying.
Alas, twas not true,
and now we are through,
Your good name I will be a burying.
 

For the Abismart card aisle--some headings

For Gael
'On the occasion of discovering your Mother had loose lips'

Or, For Men
'On the occasion of discovering your Mother really IS a dog'

Or, for Camila in Amor Bravio
'On the occasion of your annulment for non-consummation'

Where is our friend Anita who took such good care of Tal Mart?

EJ

 

Yeah cathyxx!

EJ
 

This was an absolutely WONDERFUL idea, Blue Lass.

I'm glad the slapping card is a hit. I had been thinking of different kinds of cards that one might send to apologize for slapping, or to apologize for provoking a slap, but it seemed like a better idea to just put the slap in a card.

The stickers are a GREAT idea... I just saw some cards with stickers this weekend for the first time, never saw 'em before. Much cheaper than the cards that have the wheel that you turn to the appropriate number, greeting, fart joke, etc.

Also, does anyone remember the Carvajallmark? Those were the insincere cards that Omar made Fernando give to Lety every day in LFMB.
 

Carmina you ought to teach classes
on how to get men with our passes.
Show us your way
to lead men astray,
and get them to kiss our sweet asses.

 

Testing my new picture
 

I have truly enjoyed reading all of these!! Thank you so much for providing such fun and entertaining reading!
 

Cathyx- I would take that class!
 

Nice pic, R la O! Is that your daughter in that red, red lipstick?
 

Attempted translation:

Sympathy on the Occasion of Your Derailed Wedding

Tu boda no salió, ¡qué pena!
Un otro robó a tu nena
Tómate un tostacho
Te sientes más macho
O mejor, come una docena

Your wedding got busted -- a bummer!
Some guy came and grabbed your hot number
So have a tostacho
You'll feel much more macho
Hell, why don't you eat them all summer?

(with coupon)

 

Was away for the weekend, but what a fun post I missed until this morning. Thanks all you clever souls!
 

I'm so happy I happened upon this thread. Is this what happens in the Pit? You all have lost your minds! In a good way though.
 

BL this was indeed a terrific passtime for a weekend. It was a little heavy on the Abismo side, but I got the drift.

Congratulations to all the authors. Me, I am not a poet, but without an appreciative audience, you are nothing but words on a page.

EJ--thanks for mentioning the TalMart. Those were the days (so was the CME Emporium), eh? Regrettably, TalMart closed (or, I should now admit, was foreclosed). I've been looking around for another venue, but inspiration is yet to come.

Regards, Former General Manager of El TalMart, Anita
 

Anita, please let us know when that new inspiration arrives. You are right...those were the days. I miss both the Emporium and Tal*Mart. I will shop anywhere you dream up!

Blue, yes, that's the same hija who had lunch with us. She chose to wear her Ute Red on her lips as opposed to her shirt.
 

I only stumbled on this blog, tonight, Thursday the 20th, due to some things and errands I had to do, I missed a few days of my telenovelas/recaps/blogs. I thoroughly enjoyed this and I am grateful to be in the company of gifted poets and writers.Kudos to all of you!Wouldn't it be great to have a grand convention of all of you/us and have the opportunity to meet each other and eat and chat about our favorite tns and the characters we love to hate and love?
 

Sounds like heaven. :D