Caray, Caray!

The makeshift stage is empty. At one end of the Patio of Lowered Expectations a backlit, tightly stretched white cotton sheet serves as a screen. There is muted conversation as Patio regulars wait for the great man to appear. From the right, he enters behind the screen, leading with his stomach. As he moves toward the center of the screen, the silhouette becomes an old, but well-remembered outline—The sloping forehead, prominent beak, receding chin and thick double chin. He pauses, holding the pose and waiting for our recognition. The denizens of the Patio giggle, murmur and then applaud. In a gait that could be placed somewhere between a waddle and a strut, the bird makes his way from behind the screen to the standing microphone placed in the center of the stage. The applause swells and fills the Patio. Cap'n Sylvia introduces our guest. “Hello! Tonight I have the 'privilege' of introducing the Director of ‘Abismo de Pasion’, perhaps the best known member of the bird clade Columbidae film directors, Alfredo Paloma-Hitchcock.”

Mexico’s most famous near-passarine artist clears his throat.

“GOOD EVENING.” He says in all caps.

“In tonight’s lecture we will explore the history and themes of ‘Abismo de Pasion’. Although this show was inspired by the work of my Great-Great Uncle, the human English Film Master Alfred Hitchcock, this work has been a collaborative and inter-species effort, one I could not have completed without the creativity and lateral thinking of our simian writers. Fluffy and the Chimps, who have a table of their own, clap and scream loudly for banana Daquiries.

Dry coughs are heard on the Patio. Doris says, “Hey, DaisynJay, this is going to be a long night. Pour me another tall one, will you?” The bird continues speaking, “ I invite all of you to join me in expressing your feedback on tonight’s episode using avian metaphors. Blue Lass grins and says—“Now this should be fun.” The bird drones on. “My uncle first took up the bird theme in his 1963 classic horror film, The Birds…” “Just roll the tape!” orders Cynderella.
Scene One - Blue House of Shame
Carmina and Elisa face one another down. After luring her niece to her lair with the promise of giving Elisa Stef’s long-lost wedding dress, Carmina begins to torture Elisa with words.

 “No me parece..” she begins, “It seems incredible to me the love you feel for Damian. You should forgive him for what happened between us.”

“I hope you understand,” replies Elisa, “That there is nothing you could do to separate me from Damian. I am going to marry him today and only death could prevent it.”

Carmina mumbles, “Don’t worry, nothing is going to happen, I’m here. I’m putting this dress in your hands.” She gives Elisa the wedding dress.  “My sister would have liked you to marry Damian. I’m doing it for her, you know? I loved her a lot.” Elisa responds by accusing her aunt of hypocrisy.



Meanwhile, back on the Patio, the bird-metaphors start flying. Novela Maven lets loose with the first. “What’s someone of her age doing with hair like that - she’s no spring chicken! CathyX and Marta chuckle.
Carmina clucks, “I’m telling you the truth, Elisa. You have to get ready for the wedding why don’t you do it here?” For some stupid reason Elisa takes the bait. Idiot. Carmina leaves Elisa to try on the dress.

Scene Two - Hotel L’Ermita
Someone is knocking on Gabino’s door. Gabino has a headache. It’s his misbegotten snot, Chente. Gabino is not happy to see his son and berates Vicente for leaving him alone. “What’s your problem stupid brat! I told you to take care of me while I was sleeping and what did you do? You went out and left me alone!” Gabs says that with all his enemies he was very vulnerable. Chente asks forgiveness and when Gabs notices that his evil spawn has his GUN Vicente tells him he took it for a reason. He threatened Ramona with the gun and she gave him the secret bullet-in-the-brain pain relieving herbal concoction.

Well, you gotta give it to the kid. He’s an enterprising little bastard. Gabino is sorta grateful and praises Vicente with this:

Thanks son, you’re a real Mendoza. Now that is a dubious complement if ever I have heard one. Chente warns Gabino not to take all the medicine at once, Ramona won’t make any more! Gabino chugs the red Thermos jug to the bottom and smacks his lips. Gabino wants to know the ingredients used by Ramona—they were herbs and other stuff.

Scene Three – Gael and Paloma’s House


Paloma nags at her husband, “Gael, get a move on or we’ll be late!” Just then Delores bursts in in her usual state of hysteria looking for Elisa. Elisa left on her wedding day without saying where she was going and Delores and Lucio can’t find her anywhere. Meanwhile, Gael slips quietly out the front door.

Scene Four – At the Blue House and at the Church
Elisa has tried on her mother’s wedding dress. It fits perfectly and I think she looks just lovely but she needs to do her hair. She tries to leave but discovers that the damn door is locked! Carmina taunts her as Elisa realizes she is trapped and tries to open the front door.

Over at the beautiful little church the kinder gentler Alfonsina stands with her hijo and greets the incoming wedding guests at the door. Elisa hasn’t arrived yet and Lucio is worried. Damian, oh he of little faith, mutters that he knoew that this could happen. Alfie takes Elisa’s side,

“No son, you can’t believe she’s going to stand you up.
Tell me mom, tell me what I must believe.” Oh Grow Up Damian. Alfie explains that she’ll be along. It’s complicated for chicks to get ready. Damian has his doubts.
At the Blue House Elisa is demanding to be let out and Carmina continues to gloat, tellin her to forget about the wedding. She’s going to drag Elisa down to the Pit. She demands that Carmina opens the door at this precise moment!

Outside, Gael the stalker has proved that stalkers can serve a valid function when one has been kidnapped. He yells, “Elisa, are you here!
"Yes, Gael! Gael, help me please, my aunt doesn’t want to let me go! Please help me!”

Gael comes in and Carmina gestures to Elisa, “There she is, dressed as bride, about to marry your brother. Look at her, aren’t you going to help me to stop this wedding?”
Gael says that she is right, Damian took Elisa away from me, now turnabout is fair play. Elisa screams to be let go while Gael manhandles her out of the house and onto the back of a conveniently saddled horse he just happens to have right there. They ride off together without Elisa’s horse.

Carmina goes back inside the house and freaks out when the ghost of Father Lupe appears. (He will always be Father Lupe to me.) She screams at the apparition, “Get out, get out!”

Alfredo Paloma-Hitchcock whoo-woo voice reminds the people on the Patio of the woohoowhew music we hear around Carmina. “Now you will notice a distinct lack of PLAID in this episode. Many of yourwill recognize Alfred Hitchcock’s use of plaid as a device to indicate a certain rustic quality in its wearer. The best example of this might be the plaid dinner jacket worn by the ill-fated gambler protagonist of the ‘Alfred Hitchcock Presents’ episode entitled, “A Dip In The Poole….”

At the Church
Damian greets Enrique and Florencia as they come in. Flo has a sympathetic face on as Damian scowls at his guest. She tells him not to be nervous and he tells her,
“I am not nervous but I’m rather worried about Elisa who hasn’t shown up anywhere.” Now he sees Paloma and Delores approach and asks them about Elisa’s whereabouts. Paloma doesn’t know and worse yet, she doesn’t know where Gael is either.

But have faith, dear readers. When a character like Gael suffers a complete change of personality on a routine basis, he could be anyone today! Today, he tells Elisa as they ride up to the Cenote, he is her savior in the disguise of her abductor. He tells Elisa to calm down as they dismount from the horsey. He abducted Elisa as a ruse it “so your aunt was calmed down. She wanted to stop your wedding no matter what and I had to make her believe I was with her.”
Elisa thanks Gael for kidnapping her from Carmina’s house. She swears that for the first time she saw something in Carmina’s face that froze her blood. Elisa was sure Carmina was going to kill her.

Gael smiles what seems to be a genuine smile and tells if her decision is to marry Damian, everybody including him has to respect her. But he wants her swear one last time to him that she has no doubts.


She swears that she is madly in love with Damian, and isconvinced that he’s the only man with whom she could be happy. Gael says, “Well, there’s nothing more to say, it’s more than clear, then let’s go, right? My brother must be desperate to know about his bride.” They head to the church where Damian is about to cancel the wedding.
Gael and Elisa ride up, Elisa dismounts and walks up to Damian announcing that she is there to be his wife. They have a few words and Damian accuses her of “Arriving by horse with Gael to take revenge on me for the way I prevented you from marrying him.”
Elisa replies, “No Damian, of course that was never my intention. I had a very serious problem with my aunt. Gael did something so I could get here and marry you. You should thank him!
Damian tells her, ”I’ll wait for you in the church.” Paloma and Dam’s ex-wife Flo walk up and offer to help Elisa get cleaned up in twenty minutes.

At Ramona’s Cabaña
Gabino and the Bad Seed break into Ramona’s house with the intention of getting her stash of secret herbs. Gabino orders Chente to “Focus and think well what she used, how many herbs she used, everything!”
Chente cannot remember, it was too many things. Once again Gabino berates him and tells him he is now, again, NOT a Mendoza. Chente claims he is starting to remember and they clean out Ramona’s herbs and potions.
“What! Think with your head idiot and tell me what she used,” says Gabino the loving dad. Chente replies that he is not sure, Ramona used too many things and Vicente was too nervous. They return to the Hotel with their booty and Gabs orders Chente to make another batch of the pain relief formula while he goes out and enjoys a few headache-free hours. When he gets back, Chente had better have the stuff ready. I guess if he doesn’t, once again Vicente will not be a Mendoza. Too bad.


A Long Awaited Wedding
A radiant Elisa has now gotten ready and Don Lucio walks her down the aisle. Lucio says, “Damian, I hand her to you forever, make her immensely happy.”
“With every second of my life,” replies Damian. The two lovebirds say their vows, the priest marries them, everybody in the audience is very happy, it’s all very sweet and the Bride and Groom kiss. Whew.

On the Patio of Lowered Expectations
The folks on the Patio smile, yawn, and feebly raise their glasses. This wedding has been a long time coming and not everyone is that interested in the ‘Main’ couple. At this moment, Alfredo Paloma-Hitchcock, stops the tape, taps the mike and raises his voice and captures everyone’s attention. “I am sure you will all remember one of Uncle Al’s most familiar tropes—his cameo appearances in many of his films. I have taken the liberty of ‘borrowing’ this action in the following scene.” All eyes are now on the screen. Sure enough, just as Damian and Elisa descend the church steps, Paloma-Hitchcock himself, in all his dovely glory is seen close up and for a couple of seconds.

The Wedding Party at Hacienda Arango

“Raise your glasses, please!” The wedding party is in full swing. Alfonsina’s doppelganger continues to smile and look very happy at Damian’s wedding. Everyone congratulates the happy couple, including Ramona, who pulls Damian aside.

Damian wants Ramona to tell him if his fate is finally being accomplished? Now Ramona puts on her portentous voice and says that a much stronger magic than her amulets will join him to Elisa forever. That’s god’s blessing. Ramona and he talk about Gael and Elisa being together at the cenote right before the wedding. Ramona thinks
Gael needed to say goodbye to Elisa, to finally leave her behind. Damian asks if she believes that is possible? Ramona wants to think that it is.
Dam and Elisa now have a spat and she walks off to the stable. They meet there, pull out their amulets (Elisa’s in in her cleavage) and they repeat their first kiss and make up in front of the horsey.

When they return, Alfonsina encourages them to have their first dance as man and wife. As they dance and murmur sweet nothings to one another, Carmina stalks down the long sidewalk toward the fountain and the Party.

Denunciation
“Whistling women and crowing hens always come to bad ends”, so says Sandy from TN as Carmina maks her grand entrance. "Good one", says EJ and RlaO agrees. Julia looks knowingly at Anon 207 and says, "You might want to begin a list."

“Your father must be rolling in his grave to know that you just married the son of Rosendo Arango!” Carmina gets in the first blow. Alfie orders her out of her house as Carmina was not invited to the party. But Carmina is on a roll and beginning to self-destruct. She points out that as Elisa’s only living relative she should have been invited.
Elisa is full of love and champagne and tells Carmina that she cannot ruin the night, Carmina turns of Alfie, “How could you let this happen, Alfonsina? Everybody knows that Elisa is the daughter of the woman who killed your husband. It’s Estefania’s fault that he died on the highway.

Ramona finally opens her mouth to say something worthwhile. “If you know what’s best for you, shut up and get back!” Carmina disrespects Ramona calling her ridiculous and old, but Ramona is on a roll! “Okay, since you insist on staying and talking about Mrs. Estefania and Sr. Rosendo, may they rest in peace, there’s something I want to clear up with you once and for all. Years ago, it was very criticized that you married Augusto Castañon a few days his wife died. And especially it caused amazement how quickly you allegedly got pregnant, because your son was born exactly at the 8th month.

Carmina accuses Elisa of ending her pregnancy (at 8 months) because “Elisa pushed me into to an empty pool.” Elisa denies this, in front of the whole town. “No! You know perfectly well that’s it’s not true, that you fell because you wanted to beat me!” A collective gasp from the crowd as truths come pouring out. Now Ramona jumps in to the conversation again. “Dr. Tovar is here, he can confirm that you were pregnant before you married Mr. Augusto, or am I wrong, doctor?”. Edmundo agrees with Ramona.


Carmina swears that Augusto and she were having an affair before Estefania died.
“That’s a vile lie, Carmina. I talked to Augusto one day d here he killed himself, and he made clear that there was never anything between you while he was still married to Estefania. And unfortunately he knew at the very end that the son you had wasn’t his.”
A strong, energized Elisa runs with this. “I want here, in front of Alfonsina and the whole town who always thought the worse of my mother for you make to clear—From whom did you get pregnant?” Don’t be silent, Carmina! Who was REALLY the father of the baby that died at the medical center?”
Carmina, looking trapped and sounding hysterical yells, “No, no, he didn’t die, he didn’t die. Elisa, you, you killed my son.”

Delores and Dr. Tovar both chime in. Tovar says the baby died of crib death.
Elisa moves in. Now she is on the attack, “Why don’t you answer, Tia? Why? In front of everybody make clear if the father of that baby was Rosendo Arango.

Now we inconveniently cut away for a second to Gael and Paloma at home. Paloma asks Gael why he left the party early? He replies that he needed to think, he needed to be alone.


“Forgive me, Paloma,” says Gael. She asks, “Does it hurt you so much to see your brother married to Elisa? No. Today I decided to leave behind everything I felt one day for Elisa.

I know I have to tear Elisa out of my soul, and I swear I won’t continue hurting you. Just tell me how I tell my heart to see you differently?” Paloma answers, “Don’t force it, just spend more time with us, with us, Gael. Is that so hard? Elisa is your brother’s w now, and me, I’m your wife, I’m yours, I’m yours Gael, I’m yours.

Back to the Party
Alfonsina says, “There are those gossips that say the father the your son was my husband.” Carmina yells, “The father of my son was Augusto Castañon. Elisa pushes home the point, “Why did my Father marry you days after my mother died? That’s why you told him I didn’t carry his blood. What else, what else did you tell him to convince him? Only that you could give him his son? And the worst of all is that the only baby you had wasn’t even his!”

Carmina, “What about the tickets?” Alfie replies, “Long ago I learned that the tickets given to me by Gabino were fakes.” Elisa to Carmina, “Annswer this! Why did my Mother lock you in your room? I remember you had your luggage packed. It was to prevent you from leaving with Rosendo! Now Damian jumps in, “And I wasn’t confused when I was a kid and I saw someone leave the Blue House. It was my father. And later I saw you leave the same house! You own that house, Carmina, you cannot deny it!”

Lucio jumps in, “It’s a lie that Estefania left the house to you, because my niece and I found out from Public Records that the house has only had two owners, you and Rosendo.”

“Lies, all lies,” screams the Tangelo-ho! You will pay for this I swear that all of you will regret this!”

But Ramona gets the last word, “The time to talk is come. We cannot escape our destiny, let alone the truth, for one always arrives, sooner or later. Finish your lies or I will do it for you.”

The screen goes blank. Alfredo Paloma-Hitchcock ruffles his feather up a bit and preens a bit.  “Any comments on tonight’s capitulo?” he queries.

The folks on the Patio release their collective breath. And the babble of avian feedback  begins, “Did you see that? Carmina was mad as a wet hen!” “Ramona had her eagle eye on Carmina, tonight.” “I thought that Elisa was a s happy as a chicken in a corn patch.” “I think getting Gael to forget Elisa will be harder than putting socks on a Hawk.” “That Gabino thinks he’s the cock of the walk.” “I think Gael is going to end up hen pecked.”

More comments anyone?

EJ

Labels: abismo