Caray, Caray!

* Our newest Nicandro Díaz circus starts on a beautiful field with an aikido class for kids. While José Ángel Arriaga (Big Ed Yáñez) is channeling his inner Seagal, struggling and trying not to fall on the other master he’s practicing with, Viewerville is also struggling… with an urge to laugh. But we must admit: all men look hot in a hakama.

* In the meantime a big fashion commercial is in the making at the beautiful (though a little bit too rosy) Hacienda Balvanera. Victoria Balvanera (Erika Buenfil), the owner of the advertising agency is directing the dozens of models, cameramen, assistants and other crew members who are circulating around the swimming pool. She’s in her element but her face lights up even more when she notices the helicopter that carries her husband Nelson Brizz (Guillermo Capetillo) back from a business trip in Brazil. Victoria is delighted at the thought that their family will be together again.

* One of the kids asks Arriaga who taught him aikido. It was his father who trained him, says José Ángel, and he also taught him that aikido is the art of defense that gives you the ability to protect the most precious things God gave us: our lives and that of our beloved ones. *Oh Lord, I feel like I’m sitting in the dojo again.* After Arriaga finishes his speech he says goodbye and leaves because he has something very important to do.

* At the small but adorable house Arriaga, Liliana, the daughter of José Ángel (played by Sherlyn, also known as “The Actress Forever Trapped in the Role of a Sweet Teenager”) waters and fondles her precious flowers. Her mother Cristina (Mónika Sánchez) comes out of the house and… OH MY GOD, Mom, what’s THAT on your face? Oh, it’s just a mask for wrinkles, because, you know, a woman who has such an attractive husband must maintain her goods looks. *I’m sorry, Mónika, you’re a stunning woman, but now you look like somebody vomited a half-digested apple on your face.* Lili assures Cristina that she’s very pretty and still youthful, then mother and daughter start giggling and praising José Ángel: he’s so handsome, and he’s such a great husband and father, yadda, yadda, yadda. And most importantly, he’s faithful, he would never, ever cheat on Cristina. After all, he doesn’t care about other women; the only thing he’s really, really passionate about is their estate. However, the Arriagas must have a very unstable financial status, because Cristina starts worrying about their land and their house, but Little Miss Sunshine calms her down: worry not, Mom, today Dad’s going to the village looking for a job. Everything will be just fine.


* Well, to be honest, it doesn’t go that well for José Ángel: he’s at the back entrance of the Balvanera estate trying to apply for the overseer’s job but the gardener/porter won’t let him in because la señora Balvanera is too busy with shooting that commercial. José Ángel pulls his best puppy eyes to convince the guy, but no, he must come back later.


* Nelson, accompanied by his right hand, Santino “Salsero” Roca (Francisco “Hot” Gattorno), finally arrive at the set of the commercial, just in time to fully enjoy the sight of the gorgeous bikini models who’re literally walking on the water of the Balvanera’s swimming pool.

* In the meantime Victoria is fighting with Nicole (Eiza González), her pretty daughter who has a very spoiled and sniveling personality… And serious self-esteem issues. She was supposed to participate in the commercial but instead she locked herself up in her trailer: look at me, mom, look, this bikini is awful, it makes me look fat, and the other girls are flawless, I don’t want to do this commercial anymore, no freaking way! Victoria tries to reason with her little girl, assuring her she isn’t fat, she looks wonderful, and after all, if she wants to become a model she must learn to follow the rules. She can’t have more privileges than the other girls! Nikki strikes back, saying she has plans for the evening so she won’t spend the night in the hacienda, and no, she couldn’t care less that her father’s just arrived at home. Sorry Mom, and byeee! But it isn’t that easy to get rid of Victoria Balvanera: Nikki has to continue her piano lessons that she cancelled this week or she won’t be allowed to leave this night. Nikki hisses and sniffs but she has no other choice but to obey her “Super Mom”.



* Action time! A muscular, agile young man is doing target practice on a field, and needless to say, he does a fabulous job. Let me introduce you to Francisco Guzmán (Sebastián Rullí), a professional bodyguard, and the other hottie of our show. * At Balvanera’s Nelson feasts his eyes on one of the models (Marjorie de Sousa). Honey blonde hair, hourglass figure, amazing smile, seductive eyes: she’s a walking, breathing Barbie doll who’s constantly smiling at the two men. Who is this woman, asks Nelson. Her name is Kendra Ferreti , answers Salsero, she works for the company.


* It’s lunchtime in the little house on the prairie. José Ángel enthusiastically tells his family that he’s going to meet Señora Balvanera at 5 p.m. While, Liliana, the glass half full person is very happy and optimistic about the job interview, Cristina the glass half empty person is worrying about the money again: José Ángel’s already lost his cows and his horses, they don’t have anything else left, so they DO need a miracle. Soon. By the way, José Ángel received a letter. It must be important, maybe it’s a job offer? Judging from the pale and horrified face of José Ángel: not really. It came from the bank, and it says they will take the estate because the mortgage isn’t paid. BOOM. José Ángel tries to calm the devastated and outraged women down: it must be a misunderstanding because he payed the loan, he can prove it with invoices. Tomorrow he’s going to the bank, but please, ¡ánimo, ánimo! (cheer up).

* After the filming of the commercial is over, Victoria introduces Kendra to Nelson and they both assure her she did a great job on the runway. Victoria, the distant relative of Melanie Wilkes is so much in love with the world and so enthusiastic about their new model that she doesn’t notice the lustful glimpses between Nelson and Kendra; and Nelson is so busy with trying to keep his pants on that he doesn’t notice the mysterious and sinister looks between Barbie and Salsero.

* Somewhere in a fancy office a cardboard rich telenovela villana, Odette Longoria (Lilia Aragón) is screaming and shouting because Victoria Balvanera, her archenemy has just finished a swimsuit commercial! A commercial for… gasp… Azul Agua! Odette had been trying to get the Azul Agua for months! But no, this isn’t over. If the Balvaneras want war… they will get it.


* Victoria and Nelson enjoy the nice weather in the garden and they discuss their daughter’s behavior. Nelson jokes about Nikki being just as capricious as like her mother but Victoria disagrees: no, in her opinion it was her father and grandfather who spoiled the girl. And qué sorpresa, Nelson doesn’t want to spend the night with Victoria either, he pull a lame excuse and tells her he has to return to the agency as soon as possible. It’s business, my dear, you know, I have to supervise Kendra’s photo shoot. Poor Victoria, now she’s doomed to spend the afternoon with interviewing the candidates for the post of the overseer.

* Salsero sneaks into Kendra’s trailer and tells her she was magnificent, she managed to impress the boss! However, he doesn’t like the way she talks about Nelson, so he grabs her hair and tells her she isn’t supposed to fall in love with him… and she should try to act like she was a decent woman. Kendra owes him much, after all, he got her the job at the agency. And worry not, everything goes just the way they planned: the servants of the Balvanera’s have a free day… And today Victoria Balvanera will meet her fate. *Viewerville: whaaaaaat?!*


* Oh no, now Victoria has a typical telenovela intuition: she feels something horrible will happen and begs Nelson not to leave. Nelson couldn’t care less. Viewerville either.

* Victoria calls Tomasina, her housekeeper (Raquell Morell, aka “Esmeralda’s Mom”) and tells her the plans changed and they’ll meet tomorrow. In the meantime, Nikki and Viewerville are both suffering because of her piano lesson. Fortunately she cuts the lesson short by acting like a classic spoiled telenovela princess: she fires her poor teacher

* Guzmán (who look fabulous without his shirts on) meets an old friend of his at a swimming pool, and it turns out Francisco used to work for an ambassador. But since that job is over he decided to return to his family.


* José Ángel’s car breaks down in the middle of nowhere (of course), so he has to go to the hacienda by walking (of course). Meanwhile Victoria spends the afternoon drawing in her sketchbook and reading a book, and she’s so occupied with her inner world that she doesn’t notice the bandits that arrive at the hacienda and get rid of her bodyguard and the gardener.

* At the agency Nelson explains his unexplainable douchebagery to his loyal, poker-faced Salsero: he loves Victoria, he really does. But they are married for twenty years, and a man like him needs excitement in his life… to bear the burden of this marriage. *Viewerville: oh, please.* I bet Nelson truly believes he’s the handsomest playboy on Earth.


* Fortunately our cowboy in the shining hakama also arrives at the hacienda, where he finds the unconscious staff members and Salsero’s goons. He stealthily follows the bandits and he puts them down one by one. *Viewerville is trying to keep a straight face during the dramatic fights scenes.*


* At the agency Kendra’s preparing for her photoshoot, and wow, she’s already invited to Nelson’s office for “further discussions”. Kendra and Salsero can’t believe their luck, their plan is going easier than they expected! They both get very horny at the thought of becoming filthy rich, so they get it on in the dressing room.

* Sensei Arriaga is doing his best to neutralize the enemy, but he’s too late, two of the bandits capture Victoria. She’s screaming and crying, desperately trying to free herself from the grab; and she gets even more frightened when a huge, black-haired cowboy turns up and beats the hell out of the armed bad boys. The damsel in distress is saved but she’s so shocked that she hysterically begs José Ángel to stay away from her. Arriaga kindly grabs her shoulders and tells her to calm down… and it works. Victoria throws herself into her saviour’s arms, she hugs him tightly, and she’s just crying and crying and crying. Alejandro Sanz, end credits, see you back tomorrow.

Labels: Amores