Caray, Caray!

You keep your dream, and I'll keep the money! – Ren & Stimpy

Ren and Stimpy, aka Miguel and Tav, discuss taking over the world, uhm… $imona’s ranch. Dimwitted Stimpy agrees to put the management of $imona’s lands in Ren’s eager greedy hands. Tav will do the legal paper work. Happy-happy, joy-joy! (Ren & Stimpy)

Miguel knocks back a double shot of tequila, and convinces Tav that it’s best that no one else know just how crazy Simona is. But then he turns around and tries once again to convince Tav to lock her up, since she could be a danger to both of their sons. Tav refuses.

At Rancho Abuelo, MC and Juanita ream Perico out about impregnating Solita, especially given that Solita is still recovering from pneumonia and is in delicate health. Perico doesn’t seem to understand how this could be (uhm, shall we explain it with dolls or stick figures?). MC insists that they need to be married by the Church, immediately. Juanita is a little less understanding and calls him a criminal! After the dumb shock wears off, Perico seems to be happy about the news, but for some stupid reason he doesn’t mention that he and Solita are already married by law (por el civil). He does say that he loves Solita. He has no family and was raised like an animal in the mountains (that explains a lot!). MC is cool with him, as long as he doesn’t leave his child in the same wild animal conditions. And he needs a plan for supporting his woman and his two kids. He assures them that this wasn’t Solita’s fault and they love each other. Juanita’s ready to tear him a new one, but MC thinks what’s done is done, and now they need to get the Padre to marry them. Then MC scolds Juanita for her part in not preventing the horny teenagers from having sex, because that’s the priority when there are two toddlers to look after. Perico runs upstairs to see Solita, and MC waxes romantic about leaving the kids alone to enjoy their sweet romance (well, the damage IS already done).

Meanwhile, Solita’s long lost mama, Nilda, scours the Tamaulipas countryside asking people if they know of a deaf-mute girl who was abandoned years ago. She even has her own theme song and her scenes go on for too long. She has no luck finding clues about her daughter and is frustrated. She says what the audience is thinking by saying she deserves it for abandoning her child. She cries and prays to God to help her.

Natasha and her Nana make an appearance. Natasha has received a pretty penny for the sale of her painting of the Padre and the People. Nana is convinced Natasha is going to do her usual with the money—pay for the bills of her toy boys. Nope, Natasha has a better idea. She wants to give the money to Padre, so that he can share it with the poor people of the area. Nana blesses the day they came to this Podunk town.

Your wealth of ignorance astounds me. – Ren & Stimpy

Upstairs, Perico covers Solita with hugs and kisses and eventually gets her to understand that they’re having a baby.  Then he talks mainly to himself about whether or not to tell everyone that they are already married. (Yes! Tell them! You eediot!)  Then he suddenly remembers something. Solita is a deaf-mute (you don’t say?). And although her other child is “healthy”, their child could be born a deaf-mute!

He leaves Solita totally perplexed by his sudden change in attitude, and runs to MC to ask if his child could turn out deaf-mute. “Solita and I can’t have a child like that!” MC says she has the same concern, but asks him to calm down. It’s just a possibility, but no one can assure the baby won’t turn out deaf-mute. “Well, then I don’t want it! I’d prefer that it died!”

MC can’t believe her ears, and threatens to slap him upside his head. “Children should be loved above all things!” She reminds him that he should have thought of the potential consequences before he dipped his parakeet feather into Solita’s inkwell. “Our children reflect our virtues and our defects!” She goes on to tell him that ignorance causes people to make great mistakes, but they have to learn. Perico seems to be having trouble with the learning part. MC thinks that if Solita had the benefit of the doctors in the big city, and not the ignoramuses of the countryside, she would have learned to speak. But at least Solita had her (MC’s) mother and grandpa, after her own mother abandoned her.

Speaking of…said bad mother has spotted Santa in town and calls to her. Santa eventually recognizes her and remembers her name. She’s apparently the only person who remembers her. Then she remembers that Nilda left long ago, and had been expecting a child. “Do you have more children?” Nilda admits sadly that she has no other children and falls silent when Santa asks where her first child is.

Nidla then admits that she abandoned her child by the side of the road in the countryside, where she thought someone would find her, because she was mad with desperation. It was a big mistake. She hasn’t been able to live in peace since. She mentions that the baby girl was deaf-mute. Santa is impactada.

Migreedy pays a visit to Ester to tell her how sick Simona is—she could even become paralyzed. Ester is shocked and saddened, but then blames MC for it all. (Really?!) She gripes about JackAss’s obsession with MC. But she’s worried that he’s capable to doing MC harm out of his bitterness. Miggy tells her those are just crazy thoughts, and she shouldn’t worry her pretty little head over it. In any case, JA has obviously done well for himself. He never knew JA was so clever. Ester’s mind won’t be at ease about JA doing something crazy until she knows MC is very, very far away. They are interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Ester is horrified when a group of men bring in a bloody and unconscious JA and put him on the cream couch (that’s what really horrified me).

The Padre leads Sunday school for the local children under the trees, getting them to understand that God is the Creator and Master of all the trees, the sky, the earth, the animals, and everything that is around them. He’s quite the sweet storyteller grandpa with them. Perico runs up interrupting the lesson.

Nilda continues her tale to Santa and tells her that no one has been able to give her any info or clues about her daughter. She wants to now give her daughter everything that she couldn’t before. She didn’t even give her daughter a name before she abandoned her. All she remembers is that she left her baby near a large ranch. No one she has asked has any info. She asks Santa if she happens to know a deaf-mute girl…

Santa dodges the question and says she has to go home. Nilda tells her she’s staying in the town hotel and asks that Santa tell her anything she may find out. She leaves Nilda and her theme song, looking mighty guilty and worried.

Padre dismisses the kiddies and sends them off with some food to eat. Perico asks the Padre to marry him and Solita under God’s law. He admits to the baby on the way and Padre gives Perico the same lecture MC and Juanita did—Solita is in delicate health; how could he do this; how’s he going to maintain a sick wife and kids; etc. For good measure the Padre also calls him a jackass and an idiot. Yep, that about covers it, Padre. He threatens to whack him across the face (he would have to jump up three feet to accomplish this, but I would be highly satisfied if he did). Padre eventually agrees to marry the kids and goes with Perico.

Miguel runs to the big house to call for a doctor for JA. Tav looks on dumbfounded. He asks Miguel 20 questions about how it happened, but Miggy doesn’t know. Meanwhile, JA continues to bleed out in Ester’s arms (on her cream couch, dammit). 

In Solita’s bedroom, MC and Juanita try fruitlessly to get Solita to drink or eat something, but she refuses due to how nauseous it makes her. MC worries that with Solita’s already poor health, her refusal/inability to eat could be dangerous. She then leaves Juanita to the challenge of getting her to eat.

As the doctor sees JA, Tav tries to comfort Ester, while Miguel skulks in the background. Tav wonders who could have shot JA. Ester thinks it must have something to do with that bad woman, MC. (Oh, please!) Tav tells her not to be ridiculous. Plus, JackAss has been making plenty of enemies by behaving like an aggressive, well, jackass.  Ester says she isn’t surprised something bad happened to him, because she’s had a premonition about it. The last few days he’s been particularly bad-tempered.  Fighting even with his own shadow. The doctor comes out of the bedroom and gives a dramatic pause about JA’s condition. (Please tn Gods, let him die already!)

MC and Padre discuss the Solita-Perico situation in Solita’s room as they watch her sleep. They decide it is neither of the horny teens’ fault. They just need to get them married as soon as possible, so that the baby on the way can be a good Christian.

Oh, that's just my brain. It's always falling out.- Ren & Stimpy

Darn it! The bullet that went through JA went cleanly through his shoulder and out his back without hitting any vital organs. He lost a lot of blood, but he’ll live. He’ll be out of commission for a while, but being young and healthy, he’ll recover quickly. The doctor warns that he might run a fever, but the meds he prescribed will help. Ester runs in to see JA, and Tav asks if the doctor will report the shooting to the authorities. He assures them that he has to. It’s the law! Tav looks worried. (Could he be thinking that MC had something to do with it after all?) Miguel looks smug and sneaky…the usual.

The doctor puts Tav’s one brain cell at ease when he tells them the person who shot JA was a guy he ticked off who lives on Rancho Narvaez/Abuelo. “Fortunately, it wasn’t her.” The doctor is confused and Miguel covers for Tav, saying that they thought it was over some offence to Ester. When the doc leaves, somehow Tav and Miguel have decided that the argument between the two men must have been over MC. (Huh?) And if so, it’s the second time JA has been shot because of MC.

They all think I'm crazy, but I know better. It is not I who am crazy. It is I who am MAD!! -Ren & Stimpy

Back at the big house, Simona’s getting her crazy on. She goes to her old childhood room, reminiscing about being a little girl with her mother. Then she sees Baby Tav and freaks. “That child!? That child, again?!” She yells at him and then stares at him like he’s an alien.

The Padre and MC discuss the paperwork (likely baptism papers) Solita and Perico will need to get married in the Church. MC wants it settled as soon as possible. The Padre asks after Lupita, and MC admits that she can’t even sleep at night thinking about the Tav situation. The Padre suggests that she see a doctor to get over this obsession. MC says she can’t let it go—it’s larger than herself. They are interrupted by Santa, who looks just as worried and guilty as she did when she left Nilda. They ask her what’s wrong. She looks like she’s seen a ghost. “I have seen a ghost. A ghost from the past.”