Wednesday, January 07, 2015

La Gata #91 - Wed 1/7- La Desilusión

Omigosh you guys!  I'm like SUPER EXCITED about this episode!  I hope Esme's dad finally tells her the truth tonight.  I'd be SO STOKED!

Oh noooooo!  Pablo says that if Fernando doesn't tell he will.  Don't do it, Pablo!  That's just mean!  Awww, he's right…it's mean to Fela not to tell.  Esme's so pretty!  I love her dress!  Hee hee, she kissed Pablo hello.  They're so cute!  They're looking at her funny.  She's going to get suspicious you guys!  Cut it out!  Whew!  Pablo left without telling her.  Maybe she'll tell Jarocha why she's all weirded out.

Yuck!  Gisela's wearing more of her stupid glasses.  Oh no! And now Lorenza is telling Gisela that she knows who Esme's dad is.  What?  Gisela wants to go to Paris.  Poor Paris.  She's nuts!



Esme's still all weird and she didn't tell Jarocha why.  Principe!  I love that cat!  Hee hee…he keeps waving his tail from offscreen!  So cute!  I wonder what he's looking at.  Uh oh…Esme is wondering why Fernando was always so nice to her.  Ooh, and she spilled that Augie knows who her dad is.  "I'm about to find out the truth." I can't believe she hasn't figured out that he's being all nice because he's her dad! "I'm going to find out the truth!  If Fela and Fernando are my parents, I'm going to find out!"

Haha…"Did you take your meds?"  Good question, Lorenza.  She's right.  Gisela keeps getting distracted about their plan.  I mean, I never really heard a plan, but yeah, she changes her mind every five minutes.  She wants to take Pablo's paintings to Paris and then come back and pretend to be "good."  Don't talk her out of it, Lorenza!  I want to hear the plan!  That's so annoying…I wish she just hadn't said anything about a plan if she wasn't going to say what the plan is.  Oh, well.  It would probably be a stupid plan anyway.

Mariano told Pablo what happened at the house, so now Pablo knows why Esme was all weird.  Pablo's so cute, you guys!  I just want to mess up his hair or something.  I wish Esme would move in with him already.  And then they could kiss all the time and stuff.

Of course all the kids at the dump love Esme.  She's so pretty and nice and stuff.  Not like the grumpy lady giving her a hard time about not coming.  Omigosh!  She was, like, in the hospital!  And she couldn't walk for a long time!  So rude!  I wonder if Garabato feels bad 'cause he's remembering all the nice things Esme always does for everyone.  I mean, who's going to help them if he kills Esme?  Think about it, Garabato!

Awwww, Rita doesn't want to get married now.  Poor Chácharas!  He should just go find someone else to date.  I mean, Rita's so mean to him all the time!  She thinks she's all hot and stuff.  She looks really nice now, since she started washing her face, but I think she's even meaner than when she was poor.  I bet he could find a much nicer lady to go out with.  Esme wants to talk to her.  I bet she's going to ask who her parents are.  What's the point of talking alone anyway?  Anybody can just listen at the window.  Hey, didn't Esme have that picture of Blanca?  And now that Fela's all pretty again she really looks like the picture.  Come on, Rita, tell her!  Oh, wait, never mind.  If she does, then that means Fela won't get to tell.

Chácharas and Garabato are going to go drink beers together?  Ew!  Beers are gross.  There's something in the paper.  How mean!  He says some lady died and it's going to make Rita happy.  Well, I guess, yeah, she's mean enough for that.

Rita's lying.  And she says the proof is that she didn't have money before.  Well, we all know Fernando was giving her money.  I wonder where it all went.  Poor Esme!  I don't know why she thought Rita would tell her anything.  Awww, she went away all sad.  Chácharas brought Rita the paper.  I guess the lady he married in the church died, so now he can marry Rita for real.  Huh.  That seems kind of fake.  Like, what a coincidence that just right now she just happened to die and he just happened to look at the paper.  It wasn't even his paper or anything!  I guess that means he and Rita are meant to be together.  I feel kinda sorry for him.

Lorenza's so mean to Carlos!  And they came over to give her their wedding invitation and everything!  Awwwwwww, it's in regular letters and in Braille.  Omigosh you guys!  She just ripped it up!  Just like that!  In front of them!  She's so mean!

I'm glad Carlos took Virginia over to Pablo's so she could tell him what their mom did.  And that she said Virginia is NEVER going to get married.  They're so confused.  Why is Pablo acting so stupid?  He's trying to make it sound like their mom is just being "overprotective" or whatever.  Joke's on Pablo!  Virginia says if their mom isn't going to let her get married, she'll just have babies with Carlos, like Pablo did with Esme.  OK, now I know he's faking.  He wants her to talk to their mom.  What?  I don't get it.  He's saying they should get married now, but not have babies until later.  Well, duh, Pablo!  I don't know what he thinks people do when they get married, but, um, I'm pretty sure they're gonna, you know, do it!  If he was a good brother, he'd maybe tell her about the whole "If you get pregnant you're gonna die" thing so she can at least take the pill or something.

Esme went to go tell the cute doctor that she thinks Fernando is her dad.  He's really cute, you guys.  He kind of has hair like Pablo's.  I think he needs someone to mess his hair up, too.  Hmmmmm.  Oh, oh, oh!  He has a good idea!  He says she should check Fernando's prison record, 'cause it would have his wife and daughter's names and at least she knows her mom's name was Blanca.  She's going to have to get Mariano to help her, though.  Too bad, cutie.

Jarocha and Fela and Fernando are all confused, 'cause it kinda seems like Esme already knows, but she never came over to ask them.  Well, duh!  You keep lying to her all the time.  Seriously!  I don't know why grownups always think kids don't know stuff!

Wow!  That guy looks really nice in his suit!  I think I've seen him before as a bad guy.  Somebody wants his help, but all we know is that his name is Juan Garza.  The guy we can't see, not the lawyer.  Oh, no!  He's a bad lawyer!  Juan is going to give him money so he can win his case.  He says he wants his kids back, but everyone told them they have a different dad.  Well, duh, I'm not going to believe he's telling the truth about that!  Not if he has to bribe people!  It's not like they can't just do a DNA test and find out for sure.

Of course Mariano's going to help Esme…oh, wait, but if it's about finding out who her parents are, he can't!  Oops, that was kind of mean…she said she needs him as a lawyer, not a friend.  I know she didn't mean it like that, but it's funny anyway.  His secretary has really nice handwriting.  Some other lawyer called him, but Mariano's going to take Esme to make an appointment to see the file.  That was quick!  I guess he's coming back to his office later.  Awwwww, he's all bummed out 'cause he doesn't have a girlfriend.  He wishes he could be married to Esme, but he doesn't want to break his brother's heart.  Poor Mariano!  He should just do one of those online dating things or something instead of working all the time.

Esme wants to come over for dinner and Fernando is totally freaking out!  She's going to look at the files tomorrow--Mariano told him.  So now, Fernando thinks he has to tell her the truth tonight.  Omigosh, I hope he does!  He's all nervous about it.  I hope he tells her before they have dinner, 'cause if he's that nervous, maybe he shouldn't eat anything first, you know?  I mean, that would be awkward!

Oh, no!  They're having dinner.  You guys!  I'm so excited!  Haha…my boyfriend's watching and he says it looks like a funeral.  Why are you asking her about her job?  Why is Fela trying to get her to move back in?  Just tell her already!  Wow, they're just being so stupid!  If they don't tell her, she's going to find out on her own tomorrow.  Poor Jarocha!  I'd rather eat in the kitchen, too 'cause this is just weird.  Esme's trying to tell him she kind of already knows, and she's asking if her parents--'cause he said he knew them--are like him and Fela.

Pablo wants Lorenza to tell Virginia the truth.  And if she won't then he'll tell her.  Oh, wait, he'll tell Carlos, 'cause he only promised not to tell Virginia…haha!  Ooh, Is that Vero?  She looks different without her hair all covered up.  She's all casual.  I wonder if she's going out with Omar!  She says Augie's not feeling good.  He has a fever.  Lorenza thinks the transplant didn't work and he's going to die!  Wow.  I don't know what to think.  He's been so mean to everybody, but it seems like a waste for somebody to give him their liver and then he dies anyway.

Omigosh you guys!  That Juan guy is saying that he's the father of Esme's babies!  What?!  That's impossible!  No wonder he has to bribe people!  Well, ok, I take it back.  I guess it's a good thing that Mariano is at work all the time, so he can figure out what's going on and fix it.  Oh, no!  You guys!  I bet he's going to go interrupt dinner and then Fernando's not going to tell her anything and she's going to be so busy fighting with this Juan guy that she's not going to go look at the file.  I'm so crushed!  This is such a total bummer!

Esme keeps begging Fernando to tell, but he won't say anything.   Her nose is all red, like she's gonna cry.  And Fela also said she knew Esme's mom, so Esme's asking where her mom is.  You guys!  She's crying!  How can they not tell her!  Fela's going to cry, too!  Oh no!  The doorbell!  Esme's starting to get mad.  Fernando was going to tell her, but now Mariano is there.  This is, just, like, the saddest thing ever!

Lorenza keeps picking on Augie and Pablo is all freaking out because he can't get hold of the doctor.

Great.  So now, Mariano has to say something "important" so now Fernando's not going to get to say his "important" thing.  It's kind of rude.  I mean, It's Fernando's house, so he should get to talk first, right?  And Fela looks so crushed.  Omigosh, you guys!  This is just totally depressing!

Lorenza is so mean!  She's hitting Augie with her fan!  Wow!  I mean, I don't like him, but that's just mean when he can't even defend himself!  She doesn't want him to die, but it's just because she's mean and she wants him around so she can keep being mean to him.

Mariano can't even ask her anything because now his phone is ringing because Pablo can't figure out what to do.  But at least the doctor is on the way.  So now Esme's not going to hear about the Juan guy OR her dad!  This totally sucks!

I can't believe Virginia came over, after her mom was so mean.  And Esme went over to the other house, too.  The doctor doesn't know if the transplant failed or not yet, but he's going to give Augie some antibiotics and if the fever doesn't go away, then Augie's gonna die.

It's the next morning already? Esme's still going to go with Mariano to look at the prison files.  Esme's grumpy.  She's talking like she knows about Fela and Fernando and she's just waiting for somebody to slip up and tell her she's right.

Tomorrow: Esme sees the records; the Juan guy tells the lawyer to talk to Pablo.

Previous: Episode 90
Next: Episode 92

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Comments:
Like, omigod, you guys! Total bummer of an episode!

At least I had a hard cider to keep me company.

And I learned that my teenage-self as interpreted by my slightly-inebriated adult self is freakin' annoying! And still not stupid enough not to notice how bad this show is...except she's easily distracted by pretty boys.
 

Speaking of being distracted by pretty boys, my adult self is not immune to that because...

LUIS GATICA! WOOT!
 

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU 5FT!!!

LUIS GATICA!!! Holy cow, he looked so darn GOOD!

I liked your teenaged self, btw. One of my staff members told me (yes, a staff member who watches the TN!!...I just found out today!) that The Silent One was going to break his silence. Well...what happened?!

Thank you 5FT

Fatima
 

Gracias, Fatima! Luis looked so good with the suit, and the glasses and the haircut...papacito!

Lol, yeah, Silencioso talked about how he was gonna talk and then he didn't actually talk. Nice going, dude!
 

Omigosh Diva, please thank your 16-yer-old self for the recap! (At first I thought it was the teenage Principe recapping till I got to the part where you mention "your boyfriend", and I thought no, Principe doesn't have a boyfriend.) So anyway, recap witty and sparkling like bubbling cider--it was a hooooot!!!!

I couldn't believe Mariano interrupted Esme to tell his news and then HE got interrupted. Talk about a coincidence.

Does anything think that "Juan" was Mariano wearing a wig? Would the writers pull something so cruel on us?

Oh--I figured out why Esme is in flats. Has to be because the baby-actors mothers don't want Maite carrying the kids up and down those crazy stairs in stilettos. Just sayin'.

My favorite moment: Lo-lo whacking the comatose Augie over and over with her little fan. I was waiting for her to jab him in the liver.

J in Oregon




 

"Thank your 16-YEAR-old self"...

"Does ANYONE think that "Juan" was Mariano..."

J in Oregon
living proof that nothing beats proofreading
 

Diva- that was live. Thank you.

Gi is just a ho. She looked ratchet in them glasses.

Who the hell this new baby daddy? He better be lying. Somebody must be paying him.
 

PS I'm sorry the big reveal didn't happen, but Luis Gatica.
 

Gracias, J! Whoever the hell the Juan guy is, his hair looks so fake! Please let it not be Mariano in a wig...just for the indignity of Mariano wearing a wig. I don't think I could take it!

Poor Principe! He could have any number of boyfriends or girlfriends and we'd never know it because he's never around anymore. There was a time he would have been privy to all the action and had an opinion about all of it (mostly that someone should feed him, humans are stupid, and why doesn't anyone just sit down and cuddle with him) but now he has no idea what's going on except that humans seem stupider than before and if nobody wants a cuddle, then, fine, be that way!
 

Gracias, Sara! Somebody's got my number. Luis Gatica is one hell of a consolation prize!

My guess is that the Juan ploy is Gi's "plan." Juan is some nobody hired by Gisela and given enough money to bribe enough people to get named the twins' daddy. As a bonus, Pablo will once again think terrible things about Esme instead of applying some logic or requesting independent verification (of a DNA test or whatever). And he'll leave Esme and Gisela will come back from Paris and console him.

The sad thing is, other than developing this sudden and sickening love for Gi, the rest of it has potential to work. Because Pablo.
 

Diva, dang girl, you was gittin' DOWN! You so crazy talkin' bout wantin' to mess up them pretty boys hair and stuff. I don't blame you but that Luis Gatica dude, I don't git that, but hey! Whatever turns you on! (That's my 16 year old self!

Great job, Diva. Thank you girl, what a riot! They really jerked us around, didn't they? Well. If this were a normal show I could say I get the reveal tonight but this dude saying he's Esme's babies daddy. Isn't this guy Ines' daddy that just found out he's rich? I know that's stupid but, well, need I say more. I don't want to go back and look but did "back of the head guy" talking to crooked lawyer say what his name is?
 

Ok Diva, your comment above was posted while I was writing mine.

So this is part of G's plan? I FF>> through her scenes or maybe I would've picked that up. If this is what's going to happened I just don't know. There will not be a way to express the outrage. I may just have to totally unplug any emotion from this thing, play straight, act like it's all fine and reasonable and just give y'all what I see on the screen. To hell with it!
 

Gracias, Lila! At 16, I would have been all, "Dude with grey hair. Whatever!" but today I'm like "Hola, papi!"

I only caught that hair guy...and you're right, it does look like Ines' baby daddy's hair, but it's Garabato who's rich (assuming there's any money left in his parents' estate and he ever finds out about it)...is Juan Garcia. Mariano's secretary mentioned the lawyer's name when she came in to leave the message, but it went by pretty fast. IMDB says he's Lawyer Gutierrez.
 

Lila, I'm just guessing. She didn't want to tell Lorenza what her "plan" was, except for the part about going to Paris, selling all the paintings to make a bunch of money, and then coming back and pretending to be "good." This seems like something she would do. And I can't think of an alternative explanation. Esme definitely didn't shag anyone besides Pablo! And if some random guy decided to get his hands on her money by trying to pass himself off as the babies' daddy, he wouldn't already have a ton of money to use to make that happen, so...smells like Gisela to me.
 

Am I just being cynical and untrusting to think that it's more likely Pablo will lose faith in Esme again? Every time he, or they, decide not to believe someone's lies it's a relief, but it seems out of character. I don't know why they decided to make Pablo such an incredibly stupid Galan who will believe anyone else before he believes Esme. And he's doing it again with the whole "Gisela kidnapped the baby" thing and is still saying "I don't know what to believe." Really, Pablo? 'Cause I didn't think it would be much of a stretch to think that Gi might be faking being catatonic, after all the other stunts he's seen her pull!
 

Diva, I just don't know what to say about the appeal of a dumb galan. Are we over-thinking it? Are the values that we cherish in a galan like intelligence, integrity, fidelity, bravery, strength, pick whatever ones you want, out moded? Are such qualities laughable and the only thing that counts is a pretty face and apparent virility?

If indeed this guy claiming to be the father of Esme's babies is part of G's plan I will be surprised if Pablo doesn't fall for it. Why even introduce this idiocy if it isn't for the purpose of separating Esme and Pabs yet again? Apparently the folks who put this together think that's enough and our "reward" is them giving each other puppy dog eyes, slurping and sucking each others faces.

My solution? Pay attention to you guys who are familiar with writers and producers to forever avoid this mindless, frustrating swill! Above stupid, last night's ep was FRUSTRATING!! Who leaves these stupid 2 minute pauses in between utterances? What a poor substitute for real riveting dramatic action this drawn out "who're my parents?" crap and Fer's hedging and stalling and just staring dumbly instead of speaking. Hell, just wait til G kills her and then put it on her tombstone dumb bastard!

A good story can make you think, and reflect and build within you a sense of anticipation for the next installment and a chance to share these reflections with others. A good story is a nice little escape, if only for a moment, from the cares and stresses we all feel: a moment with a hot cuppa or a shot of something, whatever! Well, I could go on but this story does none of that. At best it's badness is laughable but more often than not it's just maddening and frustrating. And who has time for that?

Well, it's almost over. LG will serve as the measure of what I will forever try to avoid when looking for a little daily escape. The Spanish doesn't even redeem it for me.
 

Right on to all of it, Lila!

They seem to have forgotten than a galan is supposed to be the knight in shining armor. As much as I detest the "save the helpless female" trope, geez Louise! These guys lately aren't just not jumping in to "save" the lady, they're not just not being good partners, they're causing harm! Out of petty spitefulness, because they believed someone's lies, usually. Fine, so, you think she cheated while you were away or whatever...that's no reason to go hurting some other poor innocent girl with the promise of a relationship or marriage, only to snatch that away again when you have a five-minute period of clear-headed thinking.

They keep trying to get away with leaving questions unanswered by just switching from one scene to the next. That tells me how weak the plot is, when they couldn't even come up with a plausible excuse. Other people have apparently just stood there and said nothing, so Esme goes away. Watching Rita lie for the millionth time, while not entertaining, was at least not the nothing we got the other night...asking Mariano and Lorenza and then the bizarro screen blackout from top and bottom and suddenly she's just talking to Augie.

"Hell, just wait til G kills her and then put it on her tombstone dumb bastard!" At this point, I don't think he's going to tell her at all. I think she's going to confront him with "You're my dad, aren't you?" and he's not even going to have the guts to answer her before some other stupid interruption happens. Gas leak in the kitchen. Ines finally escapes prison. Rita and Chacharas showing up for no good reason. Aliens abduct half the cast. What. Ever.
 

I would make a horrible best friend to any of these protagonistas because any time she thinks about getting back together with the dumbass, I'd be asking "Have you forgotten the time he...how do you know he's not going to do that again?" I'd give a crappy toast at the wedding, full of passive-aggressive digs. Just about the only nice thing I'd do is not say "I told you so" when she shows up on my doorstep with her luggage because she's finally had it with him flipping out on her for something she didn't do.
 

Thanks so much 5ft. Great recap!

No reveal tonight. I suppose Esme will have to find out on her own if Silenciso doesn't tell her.

"Juan Garaza" sounded like Tilico.

I think I heard Gisela tell Lorenza that she had to wait for "orders from above" (or something like that) before she could tell her what her plan was.

Someone just tell Virginia about her disease already! She has a right to know.
 

Gracias, Mauricio. You're right, she did say something about "orders." That can't be good.
 

Esme is consistent, I'll give her that much. Consistently inconsistent, that is. One minute she's yelling at Pablo to go away, don't want you, don't need you, don't ever want to see your hang-dog (my word) face ever again. And the next she's crying to Mariano that "Pablo can't go to jail, he just CAN'T!! I can't have my children be without a father ... I won't!" Wait a minute ... WHAT!??!
 

Anon at 11:24...yes! Thank you! She's ok with her children not having a father if it's by her choice, but if it's due to legal shenanigans? O noes!

And also, total lack-of-beanie moment, how can he go to jail for breach of contract anyway? That's not a criminal offense, it's a civil offense. All she can do is sue him, and she's already proved she can take all his money, so what gives? Any legal minds care to comment?
 

I think Gisela knows she can't put Doofus McDummy in jail for breach of contract, but she also knows La Maldita Gata is too ignorant to know that, so she's trying to bully and intimidate her into leaving town.
 

Must be a strategy from Villaining For Dummies. "

When attempted murder, attempted rape, freezing assets, and kidnapping don't work...try threats of jail! If that doesn't work, well, tying someone up and leaving them on the train tracks is next. Just make sure you have a mustache to twirl and it's bound to work!"
 

Hi, 5ft. What a delightful excursion into the mind of a 16 year old girl! No wonder I never understood girls. (My wife would probably suggest that I have never understood females of any age.)

The delay in the big reveal is getting tedious to the point of almost yawning when the subject comes up.

Loved Lorenza abusing Augie.

I think Gisela's glasses are a reflection, and measure of her mental state.

By the way, it was 5F here this morning. Tofie, could we come to your house for the end of series party? It sounds like you live in a more hospitable area, weather-wise. I would be happy to bring the booze, since it appears there will be plenty left over from what I sent Augie.

Thanks again 5ft for this entertaining approach.

David
 

Omg 5 ft. Omg! What a great recap!

I received Gisela style cheaters in my Christmas stocking. They are a riot.

I love Erica B., but the passivity of Blanca is beginning to drive me insane. Doesn't she have any say so about her relationship with her own daughter?

Mariano, Mariano... I know plenty of women who would like to ease your loneliness.
 

I forgot to mention that I loved when Loreanza asked Gisela if she's been taking her meds. LOL
 

I started to read, this recap and stuff and thought, like, QTH? It, ya,know, took a while to catch on and everything. OMG, so funny!!

Thank you Diva for a new spin on a BORING show. I couldn't make through the entire episode, but will go back a watch the rest and look for the wig.

Muchas Gracias.
 

Crazy, funny recap!

Another episode missed as my resolution to go to the gym takes its toll! (I would dvr but this just isn't dvr worthy when the recaps rock!)

In this day and age with DNA testing so easily available the lie of paternity seems stupid. Unless he is Pablo's secret, identical twin and has the same dna!

Gi, go to Paris and spare the rest of us your rants.

Blanca, grow a spine and tell your daughter you are her mother. Ridiculous. Are the writers holding out just because this is the last secret to be revealed?


 

Late to the patio today but you've gone and out did yoself this time. Soo, great Kat. You threatened us a few times and thank golly you did it. I am not worthy.
 

WTF?
 

What a refreshing and humorous recap! The novela sounds a lot more interesting when told through the eyes of a 16 year old.

Way too many favorite lines that kept me in stitches but couldn't resist mentioning a few. They all sound like the way my 16 yo drama queen granddaughter would see it.

I wish Esme would move in with him already. And then they could kiss all the time and stuff.

1. Poor Chácharas! He should just go find someone else to date.

2. Poor Mariano! He should just do one of those online dating things or something instead of working all the time.

3. it seems like a waste for somebody to give him their liver and then he dies anyway.

4. I'm so crushed! This is such a total bummer!

5. This is, just, like, the saddest thing ever!

These are totally Kool!! Thanks

 

Gracias, David. If you're right about Gisela, the sparkly glasses mean she's getting her groove back. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing!

Gracias, LN. Rock those glasses! Just make sure you clean 'em real good before you look at any artwork!

Gracias, emeraldrose. I don't know if I could do that again. Maybe with more alcohol involved. Hmmm....

Gracias, Carvivlie. Eh, the gym was probably more worth it. I could just imagine myself watching while on a treadmill...going faster and faster as the annoyance builds....

Gracias, tofie. Oh, no, I'm the one who's not worthy!

Gracias, Eli. I agree.

Gracias, Missy R. I guess 16-year-old girlspeak hasn't changed much in the past two decades. I'm still a drama queen, just now I occasionally get paid for it. Score!
 

Thank you for the recaps. Excellent. May I just say that the storyline drives me to the wall . It's an entirely different world and taking off here and there with no directions at all. I think this novella is crazier than CI. The protagonists are stubborn as hell and just impulsively taking off and deciding the opposite. It reminds me of Cuidado (Maite Peroni too!) Ugh!Anne
 

Lol, thanks Anne! And here I was thinking I'd done myself a favor by skipping CI. Joke's on me!
 

Thanks, Kat, for giving us the teen drama queen recap we've been begging for.

My fave moments were Lorenza using her fan to beat on Augie. Of course, his voiceless running commentary is pretty good, too.

I promise CI was at least marginally better than Gata. The antagonists were a little more interesting and Octavio put on his pilot's uniform from time to time. Stupidity did abound, but to a slightly lesser degree.
 

Gracias, La Paloma! Hmmm, uniform, you say? *eyebrow wiggle*
 

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