Caray, Caray!

Fi instantly bonds with Santino over being Italian and he…has a moment.  Her face…have they met in Italy?  Well, he's in Florence and Fi's from Maratea the south.  Santino had no idea there was a party going on and Dante's furious he was allowed to enter the house without being on the guest list.  He insists he's there "with" Julieta.

Meanwhile, just to make it, like, super obvi…Diana reads the letter AGAIN up to the SAME point where she stopped last time and adds "Are her real parents still alive?!"



Vitto looks at a picture of Mario and drinks some wine.  He asks if it's cool that he's marrying Mario's daughter.  Sorry, Vitto, but there is not enough wine in the world to make dear, departed Mario give you his blessing.  It takes me a while to hear him properly, but he says he's going to make sure they never "padecer" (want for) anything in life.   I kept hearing never "aparecer" (show up) and got a little freaked out.  Mario is apparently talking back to Drunk!Vitto and disapproves.  But that's ok, 'cause Vitto's got more wine!  More wine will fix everything!  He's a great guy!  He's doing everything right!  Mario and I keep giving Vitto the stink eye.

So now Diana gossips to her mom about the letter, but she's so daft she thinks this letter is proof that Fi is hiding something from Vitto and it will make Vitto distrust her and not want to marry her.  What planet is this chick living on?  Fi could be an axe murderer and Vitto's STILL going to want to marry her.  Can we get the Gold Diggers' Union to revoke her membership?  Her mom is frustrated with her, as usual, but oblivious Diana babbles about getting a daddy for her baby.  Speaking of the impregnating imp, Anibal calls. Blah, blah, blah, poor Anibal can't handle prison life, whine, whine, whine.

Eloisa meets Santino and wastes no time staking Sergio's claim for him.  Santino is sure any son of Eloisa's is probably a decent guy.  "Eh, not so much!"  She asks Simona to escort Santino out to the garden, where Julieta and Sergio are.  Eloisa goes on, alone, about how the Orsinis are such a famous family.

What.  The.  Hell.  Is Fed wearing?  She's waving her arms about and I swear, she's wearing a stick-on bra and her dress is trying to expose it fully.  I'm not even listening to her babble, but all the guests around the buffet table are.  Speaking of odd fashion choices…one wrong move and those solid panels on Sonia's dress are no longer going to be covering the boobages.  And now Eloisa's babbling and I'm not listening to her, either.  Rox's dress is nice.  A pretty color, no weird cutouts, no underwear showing.  When Rox is the best-dressed…. Just saying.  Oh, well, there's Aitana.  Her dress is ok, except that the skirt looks like it keeps exposing her slip as opposed to an underskirt that was intended to be part of the dress.  And her hair is as limp and lifeless as usual.  Maybe Tania cursed her from beyond the grave (now those curls were stylin').  Annnnd, Aitana's mother is wearing what appears to be a large, artfully draped scarf.  It's pretty though.  I'm just trying to avoid listening to the actual dialogue because no one is saying anything either genuine or important.

Dante tells Fed that Santino Orsini showed up.  Great, more random information for Fed to get suspicious about.

Fi chats with mopey Gianna.  Fi reminisces about her first boyfriend in Maratea when she was a teenager.  They were totes in love and it wasn't "complicated"…he was a nice guy and they looked out for each other.  But his family moved away and he went to college, and they never saw each other again.  Show of hands!  Who wants THAT guy to show up!  Vitto calls.  Yuck.  Wedding talk…ohhhhh, some friends of his from Florence are coming.  Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease…!  I missed the rest of what Vitto said.  Meh, it was probably vaguely horrifying and not important anyway.

Sergio and Julietta are indeed out in the garden and he's sloshed enough to be babbling about how it was only Pedro's interest in Fi that kept him from hitting on her.  Hmmm…that's not exactly how I remember it.  He downs his own glass of champagne and then her glass, in honor of this auspicious day.  Simona takes her time with Santino, basking in his Italianness and makes sure to tell him that if Julietta won't give him the time of day, she'll be around.  You go, Simona!  Santino calls Julietta's name and the music swells as the two ex-lovers get the first look at each other they've had in decades.  Sergio's stumbling around in the background, chugging from the champagne bottle.  He stumbles up to the two of them, drunkenly bragging about being Julietta's boyfriend.  Seriously, Sergio?  Seriously?!

Os is cranky because he's not the center of attention.  He bugs Benigno to make sure he gets put in charge before the wedding, "Or I'm gonna tell my grandma on you!"  Pedro overhears.  Os puts Benigno on the spot and Sonia chimes in with "Yes, tell him!  Oh, ok, then I will."  She claims Benigno wanted to hire her to sing the Ave Maria at the wedding.  They spin a completely unbelievable story about how Eloisa wouldn't like it and Benigno was going behind Os' back and I think Pedro's eyes are glazing over as they all keep babbling and he eventually agrees NOT to tell Eloisa, because Sonia's singing is such a delicate topic in the family.  I may have unintentionally paraphrased that for maximum snark.  Or he may actually have said it that way.  I'm not rewinding to check because then I'd also have to rewind past Os repeating his threat to Benigno and then sucking face with Sonia RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.  Gross!

No, Anibal, Diana does not have superpowers that can get you out of jail, nor is she going to put her mother's apartment up as collateral to pay your bail.

Fi touches up Eloisa's hair as Eloisa complains about how Giana is a big girl and doesn't need Fi checking up on her constantly.  This from the woman who wrote the book on being all up in everybody's business?  She throws in yet another warning about not busting up Pedro's wedding.  That might need to go on the list of things that deserve a drink or some chocolate.  At least until all this wedding nonsense is over.

For no reason I can fathom, Benito is washing the car in the middle of the party.  Rox ventures outside with her glass of champagne.

Rox: This would have been easier if I'd fallen in love with a rich guy.
Ben: And things would have been simpler if I hadn't fallen in love with a rich spoiled brat.

Naw, he's not upset about the etiquette lessons.  He believes in learning.  (Burn!)  But she acted like she was ashamed of him and it's bad enough that they're hiding from the family.  He gives her a Benito-fied version of the "fight for our love" speech: Bet on us, on our love.  He says he might have been born poor, but he's worth just as much as she is.  Rox apologizes for offending him and says she does want to be with him, even if he's a broke-ass chauffeur.  They smooch and then Benito reminds her, with only the barest hint of mocking, that one is supposed to hold one's champagne glass from the "tallo" (stem) and not the "cáliz" (cup) to keep it cold.  "A princess as lovely as you should know that."  Benito wins the Smooth Move of the Day award.  Rox is impressed and rewards him by squirting him with the water hose.

Gael is throwing rocks in the lake and thinking about Gianna and how he asked her to be his novia…and how Os threatened her life…and how Eloisa actually included "We can't listen to our hearts because our hearts make mistakes" in her toast/lecture/whatever that was down by the buffet table (er, when I was ignoring her and talking about dresses).  He takes a bottle of pills out of his pocket and FFS, please throw them in the lake!  Gi busts him and now she never wants to see him again--she thought he was simple and honest and not a coward.  He insists he was protecting her.  "Sounds like cowardice to me.  If it wasn't--prove it!"  She storms off and...YESSSSSSSSSSS!  PILLS!  IN THE LAKE!  High five for Gael!

Well, um, Sergio's still drunk off his ass.  He thinks Santino's there to steal his girlfriend.  I'm annoyed because he's slowing up the process of Santino explaining why he's there and what he needed to come all this way to tell Julietta face-to-face.  Julietta makes excuses for Sergio's behavior and asks what Santino came to tell her.  He thought he had found their daughter, but he was wrong.

Fi runs into Pedro.  Freshly-waxed floors, I guess.  There was a glass of water involved, so of course he needs to get half-naked in the hallway and let Fi dry off his chest.  Aitana shows up cuts the explanations short.  She tells Fi to just take the damn water to Eloisa and let her take care of her fiancée's chest…I mean, shirt!  Pedro retrieves his tie from around Fi's neck and she departs.  Aitana says she's with him because she trusts him and she's sure women are going to be throwing themselves at him all the time, and blah, blah, blah and Pedro does that stupid "Who am I going to marry?  Now calm down" thing and …UGH!  Meanwhile the guests are doing a conga line in the background, just for maximum WTFery.

Yeah, Julietta's not taking the news well.  The family in Rome never got their daughter.  He doesn't know what happened.  Julietta cries and clings to him.  Santino has hired people to investigate.  He's convinced she's alive, he can feel it, and they'll find her soon.  More comforting hugs.

Gianna downs her (legit) pills and snipes at Benito for trying to cheer her up.  Fi feels the need to claim, for Fidel's benefit, that Gi's heart got broken by some boy at school.  Benito talks about how love conquers all, including social class.  This gets Joaquina's attention: "Are you still going on with that craziness?!"  Benito wonders, "Is there love without craziness?"  Fi giggles at his question and says Benito's suddenly a poet.  Simona comes into the kitchen, annoyed that everyone's in there having a good time without her.  This is NOT a good camera angle and it makes it look like her frilly collar is trying to eat her face.  She's still out there taking care of the guests, but just came looking for Benito to give him the address where Roxana wants him to drive her tonight.  Except it's really a note that says "Do you want to come with me?  Meet me in an hour."  He gives Gianna another pep talk about how she'll be happy in love soon.

Sonia and Os: they need to get him named president before the wedding, so they can use it as leverage.  Sonia catches sight of Aitana's be-scarfed mom (and I'm really not hating on that dress, 'cause she's probably the only one there wearing comfortable underwear and I think that's genius) and tries to make small talk.  She mispronounces "foie gras" and Aitana's mama corrects her.  *Facepalm*  Sonia cuts right to the chase: Work on your husband because if my husband doesn't get promoted, your daughter won't be getting married.  Fed comes over and they pretend to be getting along.  Sonia even gets "foie gras" right this time.  They leave Fed at the buffet table where she is shortly joined by Drunkass!Sergio…there's "pasado de copas" ("too many cups"; drunk) and then there's Sergio.  He swears he's far better behaved drunk than sober at a party like this.  Fed prods him about the Italiano who just arrived.  Sergio's not telling her anything.  She should talk first--about how she's in luuuuuuuurve.  And hey, it's all good, Fed's man may be "rudo" (crude, rough) but Sergio's sure he's a big softie on the inside, right?  Guess who's abandoning the quest for intel and abandoning the buffet table!

Santino and Julietta come inside and Sergio tells him he can leave the country now, right?  First thing tomorrow?

Aitana's parents: We're screwed.  Sonia and Os raise their glasses from across the room.

Aitana proposes a toast, to their "love."  She apologizes, FINALLY, for breaking off their engagement the first time.  Other than that, her toast is the expected fakery.  Pedro reciprocates.  Eloisa goes over to Fi to gloat and tell Fi to be happy.

Gael bursts into Gi's room to smooch the scowl off her face.  I'll be giving thanks for that twice, since I presume that's where we'll start back in tomorrow!

Labels: mivac