Caray, Caray!

Julie:  Here are some lessons I've learned from VEA:
- Women are hopelessly fickle.
- Men are hopelessly fickle.
- True love is a fantasy.
- People really can change...they can get meaner and dumber.

Susanlynn: So many lessons learned via this show....all of them depressing .  In most telenovelas in the past, women viewers want to be with the galan and male viewers want to be him. In this show…not so much.

Now, presenting a DisGraced Graciela with a few Dudveeds thrown in for variety. This round-up is not comprehensive or complete. Many of the contributions come from 4 of our wordsmiths, Kirby, Susanlynn, Lila and Julie. The Patio thanks them for the diversion and helping us through this show.

Urban: on Graciela: “She is a legend in her own mind. She thinks she is All That and a Bag of Chips.

DISASSOCIATIONS
DisGracefully Diabolical
(Somethng which) DISfigures DisGrace for life
DisGrunt
DisGrate(sonmynerves)
DisGag
DisGnaw
DisGravefiller
DisGash
DisGhostBuster
DisGiddyup Dave
DisGointohell
DisGoinstraighttohell
Disgruntled
Dissatisfied
Disenchanted
Displeased
Disappointed
DisCrazilyfocused
Disturbed
DisGust
Disheartening
DisTurded?
DisGanGreen
DisGagmewithaspoon

DisGrab
DisGrinch
DiseGregious
DisGlassy-eyed
DisGory!
Disencouraged
DisGhastly
DisGorged
Dopeveed
Disingenuous
DisGlom
DisAppointing (ending)

DisGonnadie
(can’t wait until) stone cold Disturbed is discovered, dismantled, and discarded
DisGonarrhea
DisGonadeater
DisGrazin'inDavid'sgrass
DisGotIt
DisGranola (nutty as)
DisGrabbit
Disgusting
DisGrindingMyGears
Grassiola, … she’s gonna keep openning the Gates of Glory to him
DisGetSome
Don'tSayNo-veed
DisGihad
Discovered and Discharged
Dismembered
Disowned
DudVid Marbles

Dishonest, DisCeitful, DesPicable, DisTorted
DisDumb and left him DisOriented
deliberate deshabille of Gracie
DisGracefulness
DisGiddyup's "relationship”
DisGravedigger
DisGraveDweller
Disgamey
GrwbbyGrace
DisFunk and MomFunk
DisZyGrace
Dud N' Dis and faaaaaaamiiiillyyyy
DisCount Labotomies
DisGotdammnedtohell
DisGrope
DisGracious
DisGanGreen
Grabbygracie

DisGonebonkersalongtimeago
DisGraveyardbound
DisLyinLittleBitch
DisGoinToDaChapel
Disguised
Disprozac
Bridezilla planning her weddddinnggg
Gracie's Trix rabbit/Cocoa Puffs cuckoo freakouts
Grace is the ultimate fly Wrangler...Whisperer?
[David is a] DUmbunny
DisGhost (OfYourComingDoom)
Dispicable
DisGaze
DisinteGrates!

Dudweed
DisGlorious
DisindiGestion
DisGiveittome
Distinguished
DisGotBusted
DisGlock
DisGolly
DisBang!
DisGoodAim
Disabled
DisGuiltyas-sin (or DisGuiltyassassin)
Dumbo
DisGonnamarrycomehellorhighwater
DischargingaGun
DisGotItComing
DisGotcha!
DisGone!
DisconflaGration
DisGunshots
DisGunslinger
DisGunsNRose'
DisCrazie
Discouraged and Discombobulated
Distracted

DisGoingCrazier
DisGarbage
DisGiiveItToMe
Disintegrating
DisGuntotinpsycho
DisGoForJugular
Disparate
DisGoneGirl
DisCrazieGoneWild
DisBuggy

DisGunSlinger
NumbNutley
DisGoinTaDaSlammer
unhinged, desperate DIS-integrating, gun-totin DES-Graciada
Dis-armedGrace
Dum-vid
DisGoingdowninflames
MachineGunGracie
DisGallows
DisGoingToHellFaSho!
UnGraced

These are not all the best of the best nuggets to plate up, but serve as a reminder of what we endured to get to el fin.

A LONG DRY SPELL
I think we need a miracle of turning water into wine.
Ironically, I'm sitting here at work with a frosty bottle of water reading all this.
Now for a walk along the ocean. I guess I will grab a frosty bottle of water for the walk.
While you're down by the ocean don't forget to have cake!

DISCOURSE ON CRUSTS
Very funny that Lil couldn't figure out how to use the knife. Thanks for including that in the recap. I was confused by her confusion.

I think Lil was trying to decide if she should cut the crusts off or not. ;)

I have never understood that unless it was done to make all the sandwiches on a plate look identical. With good bread the crust is always the best part!

I'm with you on crusts. What is better than bread crust? Toasted bread crust. Totally OT but I love my toast really, really brown, just a shade or two away from burned. And as it turns out, I read not too long ago that burned toast is bad - it should be a golden color only. Geez, couldn't even have that.

I couldn't figure out whether Lil was puzzled by the sandwich or the knife. I looked up "orilla" and all I got was "edge" or "shore." So it either had to be the edges of the bread or the edges of the knife. I didn't think it would be so hard to decide whether to cut off the crusts or not, but if the sandwich was for Bobby I guess she wouldn't know.

And, she might have been debating HOW to cut the crusts. That was a big sammie...:) and I don't think Lili has much hands on carving or cutting experience.

No bread crust for me, thanks. I'll eat it because I hate to throw away food, but if it were to mysteriously disappear, that'd be fine with me.

She was asking herself whether he preferred his crust on or off, it being telling that she didn't even know such a crucial piece of information. Like not knowing how old the Grandkids are.

Easy fix. Cut off the crusts and serve them "on the side" with a dipping sauce.

And, weirdly, I can't help thinking that Lilian vs. sandwich and Gracie vs. Luci Round MCMVIII highlighted how both Lil and her daughter tend to not think more than a few moves ahead--if that. It's probably more pronounced with Lil, since it almost always results in her bitchfacing or looking confused at something or someone--like that poor sandwich--but both of them tend to be so very convinced that they're smarter than everybody around them and can control everything. (Again, more pronounced with Lil. Graciela actually has enough of a track record between Joselo, David, and Fernanda to back it all up.)

I noticed the perplexed look on Lillian's face as she gazed at the sandwich that Marta had started to make. It looked as though she has not made many sandwiches lately. I , like Marta, have made many, many in my lifetime and could probably make one in my sleep. Peanut better and jelly sandwiches were in my younger daughter's school lunch every day..picky eater. My kids did not like crusts.

GOURMETGRACE [her signature dish is toast]
Oohh..toast with cinnamon sugar...and hot chocolate. Toast could be Grace's thing.
Toast with peanut butter would be a solid breakfast for a growing boy. Yeah, about those pancakes she "made" for Booboo....
She could toast some french bread... that's a sort of french toast
...and put a little good cheese on too. Voila..gourmet luncheon food.
Right now, we are eating raisin bread for breakfast around here....another option for Grace
She can gouge little dents into each slice of bread and press the raisins in. Brilliant!
Do you think DG took lessons on how to use a toaster?
Maybe Sonia can give her a toaster tutorial.
Burnt Toast?
Faaamillly Style Burnt Toast
You're Toast (Your toast)
Toad's Toast
DisToast
Toasted Bread
Family's T O A S T !
Flinch Toast..........Final Answer
I'll toast to that !!! ...groan.....

MEDICAL ICE CREAM
K: That sh*t last night pissed me off so much I had to eat some ice cream. (At Night !)
S: ..Any excuse for self medicating with ice cream is okay. I don't buy it so it is not in the house, but my fav is coffee with chocolate bits for a great on vacation trips. Edy's is very good.
J: I did not know that eating ice cream at night was a shocking thing. I hope it didn't turn you into a gremlin.

TIME OUT FOR DORITOS™ (They should have been sponsors) AKA RELIEVING BOREDOM
S: Okay..now who is sitting outside the principal's office? Pass those Doritos.
K: I almost spilled the beans but somebody kicked me under the table.
S: ..as long as you didn't spill the Doritos.
UA: How did this get so off-topic? [Talking about other telenovelas.]
K: Urban I am the guilty one. I saw an opening and went for it.
J: Yeah, well, what happened was, the question came up again, where the hell have our galans gone? And then we began to drift... I blame David.
S: We bad.
K: Yeah, ya can't eat just one.

SUSANLYNN’S BREAKFAST HASH
I liked DisGracie subtle sequined tank top ..for breakfast.
#avoiding unpacking
#notplayinghere
#propssayitall
#gocougars
#ahyesnowiunderstand
#ickyguys
#highmaintenancedramaqueen
#trustmeshewouldfreakout
#chesthair
#longdaysorry
#brianisajerk
#vinodewino
#bodiceripping
#stillwaters
#pressconference
#putaringonit
#whenbadpeoplehappentogoodoeople
#winning
#distractedbypoldark. Pass those Doritos
#dropthemic
#whereisthatdamncellphone
#canyouhearmenow
#vestbonfire
#heyareyoutalkingaboutme


[Erika] died the most elaborate death you could imagine in Miguel's arms. If you don't speak Spanish you might believe she gave a State of the Union address and Miggs gave the Opposing party's response.

THE SKINNY ON LILIAN
Kirby on Lilian—Sidebar worthy: “She is a sprig of Crabgrass in the lawn of life, with no purpose, no skills, and no contribution to anything.”
Julie--It's not fair to say that Lilian makes no contribution to anything. There's always sales tax [on liquor].
Lila--I DID find it odd that Lil wasn't drinking. That might be a bad sign... she is not herself. And as bad as "herself" is, I can imagine a lot worse.

THE DOCTOR IS BACK
Julie: Cesar's new skill must have been pretty exotic if he had to go abroad to learn it. Did they say where he went? [It was probably Spain.] I would guess that Cesar's specialty is bull-goring wounds or possibly flamenco-dancing-related foot injuries.
Kirby: Gorologist?  "It's 'Running of the Bulls', Dave, they are sure to need me. I'll be back in a week and we can have a wine and look at my pictures."
Susanlynn: Well, they speak Spanish in Spain, aye? So that makes sense! :-*
Julie: The beauty of the flamenco-related injuries specialty is that it's also applicable to grape-smushing injuries.  Cesar doesn't like dancing, remember? Probably traumatized by all the flamenco injuries he's seen.
Susanlynn: I vote for the flamenco injury specialty because I like foot massages.

ON RETIREMENT
Susanlynn is announcing her retirement (she’s copy-catting DisGrace who announced her retirement from the art world to devote her life and limb to her Faaaaaamily). Susanlynn wants a retirement party. She, Julie and Kirby discuss the details.
S—I wanted you all to be the first to know, that I am announcing my retirement so that I can devote all my time to the patio and all my peeps. Like, Disgrace, I am a giver. Hold your applause. Will I be getting a watch and a party? Will there be wine and dancing?
K--You're gettin bottled water and Doritos sister. A watch? Like where they have someone outside your cell? Oh it's you Susanlynn. I thought for a minute it was DisG.
J--I will pick up a cake for your party on my way home from work.
K--Susanlynn you need to wait at least a day for your actual press conference after your announcement, because of the different time zones around the world. Some people, who would die if they missed it, are sleeping....just sayin.
S--Julie...I knew I could count on you to celebrate the sacrifice of my retirement because you, too, are a giver. Let's have the cake by the ocean. Ticktock. Any chance for a watch. Just asking. Too pushy?
J--It doesn't hurt to ask, Susanlynn. I don't have a watch for you, but I've probably got an extra kitchen timer. You won't know what time it is, but you'll know when it's been 20 minutes! DG's retirement thing is so laughable, I'm amazed it's even in the story. I sure hope this idiotic non-twist is going somewhere.
S--Kirby..good point. Timing is everything. I will miss my work, but one makes sacrifices, doesn't one? Who’s in charge of the event? Gut is useless, but maybe he could dance. I will get a supply of crisp dollars at the bank. Can we count on Juan for the centerpieces and pigs in a blanket? Kirby, can you bring the Doritos? Does everyone have a dress vest? Would Lilian be up to filling the gift bags? Who is going to DJ? I always love dancing . and...don't tell Downer Dave. I do not want him to rain all over my big event.
S--Julie...I would accept a timer. You get what you get and you don't get upset. Ohhh, your comment reminded me.. Let's get a game of Twister going . That's always an icebreaker.
J--Uh... I was a DJ in college. And sometimes I still dream that I go into my kitchen, find that it is full of broadcasting equipment, there's a record playing that's about to end, and I can't find any other records to play. So I can DJ the party for you. I hope you like thrash metal.
J--Ooh! I do remember DG looking at a bad review. That makes her "retirement" even more laughable. If her announcement makes the headlines at all, I hope the headline is "Former Painter Belatedly Announces Retirement." Wait, Susanlynn - is this retirement thing just a ruse to get someone to marry you? Does your husband know??
S--Julie..Done and done. Here's a surprise..I don't think that I like thrash metal, Does it involve thrashing around? If so, I have done some of that from time to time. I do enjoy a little heavy metal . How about some Pitbull? Love him. Off now to prove that I am not a robot by identifying hamsters.
K--Sue true you do want to give all your Minions time to actually GET here. Those in Japan and Spain especially.  Yeah that 2-egg model down at Bed Bath and Beyond in stainless is kicks and will last a lifetime.  Twister is Lillian trying to get the third bottle of Mogen David 2020 open.  Yup I even had a buy 3 get 2 free coupon.for Sam's on Doritos. I can bring 4 1/2 bags. :-)  Sue who will speak for you? You can't just clomp up to the microphone and "Zup Peeps, I Quit !" You need someone to announce you and reiterate your contributions to humanity and then call you (blushing) up there to thank everyone, you know the drill.
S--Julie...yes, you got me. The retirement is a ruse. However, there is nobody in this mess of a show that I want to share a meal with let alone marry. Could I supply Dr. Evil with the name of someone I might want to marry? Is bigamy legal if you are retired? I think so, but maybe I should consult with Juan.
J--I think Dr Evil tells you whom to marry, not the other way around. Maybe he knows someone at the Sunny Fields winery for you.
S--Can't wait to see how many episodes are squished together tonight. Okay, back to working on that retirement speech and searching for my black clogs.
K--Yeah you gotta clomp up there on something on your feet resembling those Black Rubber wheel chocks we use so airplanes can't roll away.
S--You are in luck [Kirby], because I think that is exactly what is going to unfold at the big retirement partay ..plus Twister and the dancing. ...and vests. I hope that Lilian has started filling those gift bags.
K--With Lil filling the gift bags I want to get there early and get one of her earlier ones. No telling what will be in the 'Bottle #3" hiccup.... bags. Like buying a Friday car.
J--Sorry I forgot to book a dancer for your retirement party yesterday. Because it's so last-minute, the only available dancer is Adolfo. Is that okay?
S--Julie...Wait...What? No offense to Adolfo..But...No. I was kind of fantasizing about Tano ........mmmmm.....Where was I? Re: retirement party. We may have to put that on hold .

GALANS OF YORE
     Que lastima, indeed! Romance is out of style and I guess principles, courage, mental and emotional competence are too! Wouldn't it be good if the leads had these characteristics, then they add fast-paced, intelligent and dramatic twists, piqued and satisfied our curiosity and rewarded our investment in the characters? And on top of this if they wrapped it up in fewer episodes instead of dragging the story on and on until the actors seem to be looking into the camera with a silent cry of "help!" or a bored stare of "it's a pay check."
     Remember the good old days when galans were large and in charge and at least as smart as the villains? Don Luis in Alborada. Captain Rick in Pasion. Manuel in Amor Real. Oh, all roles played for Fernando Colunga!
     Even in MEPS, Colunga was a good galan. It took him a while to catch up with the villains, but he was always on the trail.
     I don't remember if he was smart in STuD or not. I just remember him taking a lot of showers. And PEAM doesn't count - everyone was stupid in that. That's the last Colunga I've seen.
     The first (slightly) disappointing galan I can remember was Rodrigo in Destilando. He was just a little too gullible. But that's nothing compared to David, who usually fails to act even when he smells a rat, and doesn't seem to know much about running a business.
     I prefer my galans big and strong. Stupid is not attractive.
     I don't need a galan to have super powers, but I REALLY don't want him to be a boob.
     I get frustrated by dumb heroines, too. One thing I will say for Luciana, even if I don't like the way she does things, she's not dumb or gullible.
     Are we supposed to hate the supposed galan? What has happened to the characters in telenovelas? Lately, it is hard to tell the good guys from the bad because they seem to be equally flawed . I need a hero.
     This is the first TN I've watched the protag spent more time with the other guy.
     Can a TN Galan be a Galan without being in an intimate romantic relationship?
     We saw far too much last night of galans behaving badly. Basta!

THE DAVID WE CAME TO KNOW TOO WELL
     David is an idiot tourist wanting that perfect selfie and steps in front of a bus.
     Think positive, Dave. Take off your vest and put on your thinking cap.You can make the best of this dry situation. When life gives you raisins, make raisinettes. Yum.
     I don't see galan in David just because two women want him. I see a lazy, entitled do nothing successfully leveraging two women against each other that competently handle his kids and household and his business.
     I'm sure David and Luciana will wind up together. What I'm not sure about is how the writers will make Viewerville happy about Luciana being tied to a nitwit for life.
     Regarding David, oh my God... ITA with all of you. He must be one of the most idiotic characters that ever existed in telenovelas history! It must have been embarassing for Gabriel Soto to play him.
     When David told Luci that it looked as though she didn't care about his vineyard, I wanted her to quit. NOW I don't care about your vineyard, you selfish ungrateful jerk.
     Why should I root for Dud-veed anymore to get Luciana? This man doesn't show any passion for her since the last time they rolled so beautifully in those sheets. Dude make me believe you are madly in love with her!!! I get he's torn up about his family, but this is a hot sexy virile man..he should be aching..ACHING for her and should barely be able to keep his hands and lips off of her. He should see her and do anything to get near her, smell her, run his fingers through her hair and there should millions of stolen kisses to keep us ROOTING for them..teasing up for that ultimate moment when OUR couple finally prevail. Instead I don't believe anything the writers or even GS are trying to sell me.  As for Luciana, presumably this hot older man was her first. Again, I don't see the aching passion from her.
     AGAIN – did the writers deliberately want to make David so unlikable? And if so, why? Because it's not forking helping anybody except Graciela look good. I'm too annoyed at the Vestmaster General to bitch about Marta at this point.
     David's memory of that is now severely deficient. He not only drank the Kool Aid, he's drowning in it.
     David is getting the wife he deserves, the family he deserves, and the business he deserves. The sad thing is that he has no idea why. This is so depressing.
     The inLaws have very handily boxed DudVid in. He really is between a Rock and a Rock. This is where someone would call out ‘Checkmate.’
     My disillusionment (read that as... Hate) for Dave grows, and I do not care what happens to him or the horse he rode in on. This guy deserves whiny kids, an awful, prejudiced, entitled , bossy mother in-law, and a stone cold killer wife. Adios . You folks are thinking so much more than any of the characters are.. Or any of the writers ever did. In the words of our dear Carlos (hi, amigo, wherever you are)..Next!!
     I don't think David is thinking - period.
     David has allowed his life to be upended by his spoiled brat of a daughter and her succubus Tia and mom-in-law from hell. And he can't seem to get a handle on anything that’s vomicly screwed up in his house. I've never seen a tn where the galan is as brain dead as This guy. And I really like the actor--he plays brain dead really well.
     Except for beating up Juan, Dave seemed to be on autopilot…most like always.

TELLING THEM HOW WE REALLY FEEL
     For me it seemed like a show of outtakes leading nowhere.
     The Boda--and there has to be one. We haven't hung on to this story for nothing.
     Everybody's said it all -- pretty bad when an aggressive spoon hand off is the highlight of the show!
     Corny works. It works for this whole novela. It could have been so much better. I think J.A.Castro lost his touch on this one. All his departments were going solo and no one, including casting, got any of the memos.
     There is a real lack of cohesiveness that can only be explained with everyone being on a different page. Perhaps Irina has no idea how she's supposed to be playing this. It wouldn't be the first time a director neglected one actor in favor of another (coughcough Sofia).
     Until these things get into high gear this starving dog will survive on bones like the passing of the Olympic Ladle and the Comedy Club Camaraderie on the patio.
     As for the slo-mo trainwreck that is VEA's temporal mechanics regarding this mess: I'm going to need to make a list.
     This show is the "One legged Duck Swimming" of TNs. Just going in circles.
     This is pretty darn good, patio. I don't know which type TN I like the most—the ones I like or the ones I hate???
     [on slicing, dicing and snipping]: Thanks Uni! You really crapped all over this one.
     I am starting to get an antimarriage vibe. This telenovela has had only one happy marriage..Dave and Lisa. Two runaway wives..... Adolfo and Ramon. A sour, bitter widow whose hubby cheated on her. A widow who was separated from her husband for years when he was deported and who had an affair. Another recent widow of an abuser who does not want to get married. Lots of single people...Tano,Cubby, Sonia, Cesar, Perla, Juan, Fern. A young single woman who wants a family but doesn't seem to expect\want marriage. So who are the writers? In addition to having all failed their SATs, are they all single or divorced? I am starting to wonder if we will have any weddings in this finale. I am getting a very strong feeling that the message here is not about love, romance, or marriage. So..what is the message? Got wine?
     I'm blaming most of this show's problems on a weak story/script and weak direction. There are obvious issues with the story, and in addition, the actors don't seem to know what they're supposed to be doing.
     I don't think I've ever seen a show that took me so out of the world the actors are supposed to be creating to wonder about the actors themselves. If the two leads chemistry clashes, that totally kills the story and must be a reason behind a lot of these awkward stares. Weak story/script, indeed.
     I think that you are on to something. Maybe the reason that we watch these shows is because they do make us feel healthy, normal, and in control as compared to the characters.
     Okay, I have an idea. We'll let Juan and Grace escape in the finale. Then we'll do a sequel. We'll call it Grape Wars II: The Wrath of Juan. It will be written by us and we will make sure that the only nonsense in it is the nonsense that we can agree on.
     A TN written by us with NoJuan and DisGrace as leads, and NOT called Goat Rodeo?
     Heh, I like Goat Rodeo too, but it's misleading. Not enough goats.
     I swear, I'm about ready to put me out of my misery and just watch the end of this BULL SH*T!!
     Story goes south. . .we go south! ;D
     The writers haven't given us anything to make us believe in in most of these characters. They're getting no more than a D+ for this series.
     These writers have managed to make me feel unsympathetic for Fer and Dumb-ass for being victims of the murderer of their mother and wife.
     The editors are the true villains of the piece. Or at least fighting with the writers for the title. I mean, damn--Brian and Lilian's quasi-relationship got more airtime than David and Luciana's (I know, I know, what relationship? [rimshot]) for the majority of the show, and they snip the theoretical true end of it? Anvils aside...fork that, Univision, just fork the hell out of that.
     It looks like we are in for another typical TN "Shotgun Ending". I HATE it the way they do that. I have tried to get into the Spanish mind set to appreciate it, but it just does not work for me.
     CountXAlacran (who isn’t watching this show) steps in: Holy wines, this show is still going on! I kind of hoped the vineyard would go bankrupt already. And someone should put poison in those wine bottles so that all the characters drink it and die of painful indigestion. Then everyone says "Cheese!" with a smile on their face.
     I guess we're all proving true that the worse the novela, the funner the patio!
     Never seen a TN before when I was looking forward to the "galan" get an anvil.
     As others have pointed out, the writing and directing has really hurt the story and the actors (and us) are the unintended casualties.
     Yet somehow the writers managed to create a whole vineyard full of people who are way worse than I could ever hope to be.
     We need Carla Estrada.
     I guess that Carla has retired from telenovelas. She was great. I also miss her director Monica. I also miss Christina who used to interview all the actors and actresses after the finales.
     We know it is possible to be entertaining, intriguing and funny in a novela but heck, every now and then I guess you have to have one that you can't look away from, like a bad car wreck where even some mangled bodies are visible, and it's on fire and. . . .Anyway, this was the car wreck novela for me this year.
     Well they didn't do it the way we would have wanted, so we got what they thought was a good idea…So here we are ladies and gentlemen at the end of a very upended tedious love story in the wine country where these 2 mixed messed up people will eventually be together, [whether] we like it or not. I hate it when a good story goes bad.

VINO DICTIONARY AND VOCABULARY BUILDER
     Creative constipation – label used for telenovelas that can’t “go.” (Lila’s comment referring to where Vino is trying to “go.”)

     Illicit Skittles transfers – another description for an attack beso (Julie-Lila)

Labels: vino