Caray, Caray!

A Game of Keep-Away

Gael attempts to negotiate with Paolo over the baby that nobody but Natalia actually wants. He basically concedes that the kid probably would be better off somewhere other than jail, even if it's with Katia and Paolo, but it would be more like a loan -- when Nat gets out of prison, they'd have to give it back. Paolo says no deal -- they're going to trial, and he'll win.

Gael tries to give him a flavor of the questions he'll be asked: Do you have a job? No? Any income at all? How do you plan to provide for this infant? Katia thrusts out her little chin and says she's paying the bills, and Gael starkly points out that the legal question here is can Paolo support a CHILD, not can he find someone to support HIM.

Best line goes to Gael: "So far you've known me as a friend. You don't want to know me as a lawyer."

Who Let the Blonde Out?

Alba brings coffee to The Tiz, who wonders aloud why he's getting personal service. Is he suddenly "mas sexi" because he's married now? Alba gives him the guacala face and says she just stopped by to tell him to put a leash on Roberta, because she's jumped the fence and gotten into somebody else's yard.

Tizzy bursts into Franco's office and asks him point-blank, "Are you sleeping with my wife?"

Best line goes to Franco: "Yes."

Meanwhile, at the Aqua House of Que the Hell...

Roberta tells Ingrid it's great to be partners again -- all she has to do is get Alba to a certain place at a certain time, and Rob will take care of the rest.

Gabe calls Alba and tells her he and Ingrid have a surprise for her -- all she has to do is show up at a certain place at a certain time, and she'll see what it is.

Ingrid goes to Franco and persuades him to accompany her to a certain place right now -- to save the woman he loves.

Aaaaand nobody gets what they want. Alba arrives to nebulous candlelight and assumes it's Franco, but finds Roberta with a pistol. Roberta expects to kill Alba, but Alba slaps the gun out of her hand and turns the tables. Ingrid plans to spoon-feed Franco an opportunity to play hero, but -- well, he gets to save someone, but it's the wrong damsel. Franco doesn't know what to expect, but everything's a surprise to him anyway.

Best line goes to Alba: "Of course I'm a killer. I killed my husband, didn't I?"

All Roads Lead to TOHIMC

Gabe gets a nosebleed, passes out, and falls in broken glass, which must be a last-minute bingo extravaganza for someone. Just to put the cherry on top, the doctor tells Alba and Ingrid that the patient could die, he needs a bone-marrow transplant from a compatible donor, and they don't have much time.

It turns out that neither maternal figure is a match. Mauro is too old, and Nat is in jail and pregnant besides, so Ingrid offers up the perfect solution: her son Patricio! She'll just run back to Crazy Town and get him!

The Hotel Where Everybody Knows Your Name (and Your Room Number)

Franco bundles Bertie back to his temporary digs, but Tizzy comes a-knockin'. He demands that his wife return home with him, and Franco says she's not going anywhere. Tiz pops out with the story of how he and Bertie got back together again -- remember, darling? The drunken sperm-donor booty call? -- and inexplicably, she doesn't deny it.

They leave together. This makes no sense at all, but at this point the roller-coaster is going so fast I'm afraid to stick my hand out.

Best line goes to Tiziano: "Enjoy your little chocolates."

Two Weddings From Hell

Paolo doesn't love Katia, Emanuel does love Katia, Emanuel has a job playing soccer in England, Paolo tells Katia she's free to run off with him if she wants, really, no hard feelings, Emanuel's totally on board with that, and somehow this stupid wedding happens anyway. While Kat and Manny are having a melodramatic goodbye-para-siempre, Alba shows up uninvited and gives Paolo what-for about not forgiving Natalia for running him over when she was all roofied up.

Que que que? Julian slipped her a mickey? After 61 episodes, this is what finally makes the difference, and away he rolls to bust up the jailhouse wedding.

Nat doesn't love Julian, he's not the father of her baby, Franco shows up and asks her about a million times why she's doing this, she can't answer, and somehow this stupid wedding happens too. The whole experience is so traumatic that Franco gets a monster headache, Natalia goes into labor, and the Patio hides its collective head in its hands.

Ingmar Bergman Called; He Wants His Patio Back

Tizzy walks out onto the terrace to find a perfectly coiffed Roberta and a meticulously set table for two. What are we celebrating? Why, the Neni's wedding, of course -- here, have a glass of this lovely blood-red wine.

He very sensibly asks if it's poisoned, and she offers to switch glasses with him. Instead he pours a third for Margara, and we leave them just as they are all taking their first sip. Is it chilly out here, or is it just me?

Best line goes to Roberta: "If I wanted to kill you, I'd come at you from the front."

Bait and Switch

Ingrid has buttonholed Patricio back at the Aqua House of Hallucinations and Random Nosebleeds. She wants his love, his forgiveness, and his bone marrow, but all he wants is a pile o' pesos. He owes some guys for some stuff, and she owes him for everything that's gone wrong in his life since she dumped him at that orphanage. This all sounds so sulky and adolescent that I'm starting to believe he may be real after all, but we won't find out today!

Just Say the Magic Word

Natalia hands Franco his baby granddaughter and says, "Her name is Alba"... AND HE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING.

Labels: culpable