Caray, Caray!

THE NIGHT BEFORE

Grand Central Love Shack

Leo finally comes out of the Little Policeman's Room to discover Cris has vaporized and Elisa is in a funk. She wants to turn herself in. He doesn't want her to. Adri and Mario walk in and say the coast is clear, so they group up into a convoy to go back to Mexico. 

Leo asks Adri to pep Elisa up while he phones his mom, so she climbs into the driver's seat and says hey. El wants to know if Leo and Cris were a thing, but Adri waves that off. Elisa also feels bad that Adri and Mario are risking their careers for her. She doesn't want to make any more trouble. Adri tells her that she and Mario are Leo's best friends, and Elisa is the most important person in the world to Leo, and that's why they will never leave her alone. Elisa sniffs prettily. 

Can't-Do War Room

The New Can't-Do Trio are still hashing out what to do about Dario's mom when Ren suddenly remembers what she's been reading in the Caray comments all week: she has an apartment! Why don't they take Piedad there? Then she realizes Clara and Majo aren't listening, so she leaves them alone to work out their girl stuffs.

Majo tries to friendzone Clara, but Clara isn't sure she can deal. Majo goes on to give a pretty impressive explanation of trauma-bonding as the reason both she and Clara are attached to the wrong people. Clara politely does not point out that at least she never pointed a gun at her, bled all over her, or made her get naked on the phone. 

Mea Culpa Hospital

Elisa and Leo arrive for Velasco support duty, with Adri and Mario on their heels. JL pulls Adri aside and rips her a new one for showing her face in front of his family: "You make me feel dirty!" What a tool.

JL and Leo go off to sign some Very Important Papers regarding Leslie's treatment, and Sara comforts gloomy Elisa. She tells her she saved Leo from drowning in his own grief. He truly loves her, and so he will never leave her alone. If I were Elisa, I'd be starting to feel a teensy bit claustrophobic right about now. 

Leslie wakes up and asks for Leo. She wants him to tell her what's really wrong; she knows her parents will shine her on. "Be brave!" he tells her. "You have The Only Childhood Disease in Mexico, but you're young and strong and we're all here for you and we will never, ever leave you alone." Leslie starts to cry, probably because she realizes she will not have a moment of privacy for the rest of her natural life.

Fernanda's Home for Wayward Skanks 

Fer has put on a bra under her office slutwear, which I guess is her way of kicking back. She tells her mom that Sonia's right, they do need to get away. She has some jewels she can sell and some money saved up: they'll leave in the morning. Carmen says she'll always be with her and take care of her, forever and ever, which obviously isn't worth much in real money but sounds creepy just the same.

Guest Cottage of the Wicked Witch

Sonia comes out of her swoon and notices the picture of Julia and Leo on the nightstand. "Is that your daughter?" she asks Nieves. "The one who was found dead with Augusto Cantu?" Upsi. Nieves demands to know who she really is and what she's doing there -- RIGHT NOW, or she's throwing her out on her pillow.

Icky & Euw's Chamber of Horrors 

Vic's sitting around in her man-jamas waiting for Eu to freshen up when his phone starts ringing, and since everybody's business is her business, she goes over to take a look. It's Fernanda, who doesn't look like she's going to give up. When Eu comes out in his matching jammies, she's not in the mood (and thank God, because neither are we.)

Back at Can't-Do

Elisa rolls in and calls a family council. Majo parks Clara back up in her bedroom like a favorite scarf that doesn't match any of her outfits. 

Ren gripes to Elisa about Vicky trying to trick them into signing over the company. Elisa says Majo should sign -- and not to worry, their shares are safe. Majo says then what do we need Fabricio for? (It's about time someone asked that question.) Elisa still seems to think he has some kind of skills, but she believes in a lot of invisible things. She tells Majo to keep a close eye on him, though. (Has Majo even been sober long enough to get up in time for work?)

Anyway, she has something important to tell them before she goes away again. She asks them not to freak out. "Daddy and Fernanda were lovers." They seem to take the news pretty calmly.

Jaja! Never mind. It was just a delayed reaction. 

Majo: What?

Ren: But she has a child with Fabricio!

Majo: What?

Ren: Oops. I wasn't supposed to tell.

Majo: How do we know it isn't DAD'S kid?

Elisa: Because she told me so.

Ren: What? 

Majo: Well, you're going to fire her, right?

Elisa: I can't. Her mom is sick.

Majo: WHAT??? She's an orphan.

Elisa: Well, she did kind of lie about that.

Majo: Anyway, you don't have to go anywhere. Dario's going to recant.

Elisa: How do you know?

Majo: He's trading me for hiding his mom. 

Elisa: What? 

Elisa asks where Vicky is, because obviously what this freakshow needs is yet another BSC female, but Ren tells her she ran away from home. Somehow this all ends in a group hug with nothing resolved.

THE MORNING AFTER

Guest Cottage of the Wicked Witch

Clara turns up to get her stuff (I guess she's moving into Elisa's room) but spends so much time arguing with her mother that Ren comes in to see what's taking so long...and comes face-to-face with Sonia. 

Ren: What are you doing here?

Nieves: Who are you?

Ren: YOU'RE PREGNANT?

Nieves: You two know each other?

Ren: IS THAT MY HUSBAND'S BABY?

Nieves: I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S ALLOWED TO SHOUT IN HERE.

Clara: Why don't we just leave them alone?

Nieves: Because the crazy one's gonna hurt the sniffy one!

Ren: IS THAT MY HUSBAND'S BABY?

Sonia: ok i'll talk to her

Precinct Block Party

Leo drops by the house to pick up Elisa for another fun fugitive road trip and learns she left early with Adri. He calls Adri and wants to know where they are -- at the police station, she tells him. 

Adri walks into JL's office with Elisa, and Mario calls Cristina to give her the news. (Why, Mario? Why???) By the time Leo shows up to protest, there are a dozen other people in there, and half of them have to restrain him while the other half snap on the cuffs. 

Adri tries to explain that Elisa came voluntarily, but he continues raging like a leopard in a drop-net. Maybe he does have an anger management problem. 

Fernanda's Home for Wayward Skanks

Fer's rolling out her suitcase when Fab appears in the doorway. Where does she think she's going? Juanito gives him a perky little wave. 

Fer says she can go anywhere she wants, and he agrees -- she can, but not with his son. Fer tells him he's not on the birth certificate and boo-yah. They're heading out as soon as she can round up mom. Where is mom, anyway...?

Yep, you guessed it: on the floor and looking pretty dead. Fer goes to pieces. Fab looks like he might be thinking about maybe calling for help. So does this mean Elisa can fire Fernanda after all?

Labels: imperio

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