Caray, Caray!

Capítulo 161

At the Double R (Hacienda de los Robles-Reyes) Tio Vicente tells Oscar and Franco that he has no doubt now that Gabi Elizondo hates her daughters. Franco says yeah, but she hates a Reyes more and managed to succeed in separating them from her daughters. Oscar is ready to make her start explaining herself. (Not without a couch and a professional he won’t—or maybe a gun, a whip and a chair.) There’s no way he’s going to write off Jimena because of that woman. Franco agrees with Tio V.O. (this guy always reminds me that I need a shot of that stuff to get through this). They’re to blame for ever bothering to listen to Doña Gabriela’s lies. Tio V.O. says well, now there’s such a gulf between the Elizondos and them that if they’re going to win Sarita and Jimena back they’ll have to double their efforts. Otherwise, get used to seeing them as Roman and Gonzalo’s permanent property.

Back at the Double E (Hacienda de las Elizondo y aún del Escandon) Augie manages to squeeze out of Rosendo who the owner of that infamous snake belt really is: Darth Rico! Gabi puts her listening ears on and manages to overhear Rosendo tell this to Augi and Santi (Oh, Lucy-y-y-y! Sorry, but that red hair just screams at me!) through the closed French doors of his bedroom (which might as well be open for all the privacy those things give them). She realizes her lie has been discovered. Ruh-roh! She starts to head over to Bungalow del Bruto to look for Darth and let him know what she just heard and that her father, courtesy of Rosendo, knows the truth about his belt. On her way out of the main house she runs into Fernando. He has to explain his whereabouts: checking on her granddaughter’s delicate condition. She refuses to consider the little girl her granddaughter. They go into the office to talk things over.

Gabi pours them each a couple of brandies. “She doesn’t carry my blood and I’m the only one who knows which of them is Sofia’s real daughter.” Feo wonders why Gabi’s never bothered to tell him which of them it is. He handed the little girl over to her after all. Gabi says it’s her one remaining weapon with which to defend herself and she’s not giving it away to him. She doesn’t want to give Feo anything more that he can use against her. Feo tells her, “The weapons we use to defend ourselves are often the same things that can destroy us.” (Let’s hope he’s being prophetic here.) Just then El Coyote arrives at the office door with an especially big grin for Gabi. Feo gets touchy and asks Coyote just what does he think he’s doing there coming to see HIS wife?

Coyote says he’s got Gabi’s permission. Gabi smiles back just as big and then tells Feo he’s been gone so much that he’s about to get thrown over for somebody else. She’s given Coyote her permission to come by any old time he likes. Coyote sneers over at Feo and asks if he’s got any objections. Feo shakes his head and walks out in a snit. Gabi offers Coyote a drink and Coyote winks at her. (Ewww!)

Across the hall in Augie’s room Santita and Augie discuss their plans for surprising Fernando and they giggle conspiratorially. (I love these two together. What a team!)

Fernando carries a couple of plastic bags into Root’s bedroom and smiles.

Back at the bungalow Darth tells Root he approves of getting back at somebody when they’ve pulled a humiliating fast one on you, but he tells her she’s playing with fire and the last thing he wants is for her to get hurt, especially over somebody like Juan Reyes. Root swears she’s got no intention of getting serious about Juan. It’s all in the plan to separate Sofia from him. Raqui comes back to the bungalow then and says she wants to speak with Root. Root hisses at her not to come near her and that she doesn’t want to ever see or speak to her again. She walks off and of course Raqui, one of the eternally confused, calls after her.

Raqui tells Darth she doesn’t understand why Root is upset with her because she hasn’t done a single thing to her. Darth says obviously Raqui has or the girl wouldn’t be rejecting her this way. She asks him why he’s always taking Root’s side and never supports her, his own wife. She complains to Darth (not a prudent thing to do) that because of the way he’s brought her up and has given her so much free rein that Root’s turned into a veritable monster.

Darth grabs Raqui by the throat and tells her never to talk like that about Root again. If she doesn’t like the way he raised the girl then get out. They don’t need her there. Raqui asks why he treats her this way and says it would seem he didn’t love her. (What was the first clue, Raqui?) Rico sneers, “Ah! Finally it dawns on her! You’re right! I never loved you! I only married you for your money! The only woman I ever loved is Gabriela Elizondo!” Rico picks up his hat. “Happy?” He walks out. Raqui of the double-digit I.Q. stands there drop-jaw impactada.

Root returns to the main house and Gabi introduces her to El Coyote. Root asks why they call him Coyote. “…because we hunt alone and we are always faithful to our mates.” He turns and smiles over at Gabi who mentions that Root is Ricardo Uribe’s daughter. He thinks to himself that Ricardo has finally come back. Gabi notices his interest-or maybe she’s a bit jealous because she seems to be disturbed that he is staring at Root.

Back in Augie’s bedroom, he and Santita are rushing to get some surprise ready for Fernando.

At the same time, Root enters her bedroom and finds a tray of fruit lying in the middle of her bed. Surpri-i-i-se! Fernando grabs Root from the back. We now get gratuitous and boring scenes of what’s supposed to pass for hawt, rough, illicit sex between the two of them while he feeds her grapes and she moans and pants. Yawn. FF>>

Meanwhile, El Coyote exits the main house. He thinks to himself that this must be his lucky day: Ricardo Uribe’s back in town and Root is the daughter that he loves so much. He plans to come back much more often to visit with Gabi. He can kill two birds with one stone. (Oh, Coyote! Why did we ever doubt you? You may be homely as hell, but there’s something sexy about a man with a plan!)

A bit later, Padre Tadeo walks Eva to the main house. He tells her not to force things between her and Root and then leaves. Eva, another one of the eternally confused, is more perplexed than ever, especially after the curious things that he and Raqui have told her. (Query 1: Why does this not surprise us? Query 2: Why does everybody always have to talk in riddles?) Across the way at Bungalow del Bruto, Raqui remembers the despicable way her husband and daughter have just treated her. She tells herself she deserves it for having switched those babies way back when. Her revenge will be that Gabi never will know that Root is really her child.

Eva heads upstairs and decides to stop to speak with Root, and she hopes Root will at least listen to what she has to say. She starts for Root’s room and the door is open. She sees that Root is in her bedroom doorway, in a hawt, passionate lip lock with Fernando. Eva freezes in place. (¡Qué horror!) Eva then hears something down below and realizes that Gabi is about to come up the stairs. She doesn’t know what to do because Gabi is obviously going to discover Root with Fer the minute she gets to the landing. Gabi is thinking to herself that she needs to explain to Root who El Coyote is. (Why???) She starts up the stairs. In a panic Eva suddenly yells down to Gabi that she needs to speak with her about something. Gabi yells back that they’ve got nothing to say to each other, especially since Eva’s there against Gabi’s will and her patience is pretty frayed where Eva’s concerned.

Gabi is just loud enough so that Feo and Root hear her. Eva says she wants to discuss her granddaughter’s condition, but Gabi says the girl isn’t her granddaughter. Eva wonders how she can say that with such certainty, unless perhaps she knows which one of the three really is Sofia’s daughter. (Think fast, Gabi!) Gabi says she put it that way because Sofia refuses to find out for herself who the real daughter is.

Feo is afraid he and Root will be found out so he wants to leave, but Root loves the heightened sense of danger at the possibility of what Gabi will say if she does find out they’ve been together. Feo likes this game and gives in just a bit longer. Gabi is just about to open the bedroom doors when Sofia starts yelling for her downstairs. Sofia and her two sisters demand an explanation about the reason she made up the lie about their dear dead daddy owning that snake belt. They tell her they are now aware that he was not the murderer she’d claimed he was.

Meanwhile, the Posibles, Roman and Gonzalo, are driving into town. Roman says he doesn’t believe Jimena is ever really going to get that divorce from Oscar Reyes. Gonzalo says he suspects Sarita still has the hots for Franco, too. Roman devises a plan to deal with the situation.

Feo finally sneaks out of Root’s room when he’s certain the coast is clear. Root thinks to herself that all men are cowards--all men except her daddy, that is. He’s a man’s man. (Big Ruh-roh! I don’t even want to go there.)

While all of this is taking place, Darth is sneaking around the Double R, even though it’s broad daylight, and trying to find a weak spot to enter the house. (I thought he found one already the night he caught his daughter jumping Juan in the kitchen.) He takes out a giant gutting knife (emphasizing he’s one mean dude) and says he’s determined to get back in and recover what he’s still got hidden in that house.

Back across the way at the Double E, Mama tells Sofia and her two sisters that she didn’t make up anything, but the three hound her about it until she loses patience. “All right! Yes! I did do it--to get you away from the Reyes. Why? Because I hate them!” Sofia asks her if the resentment she felt because of Juanjo Reyes’s rejection was so great that she had to muddy his name and reputation and then that of his sons? Jimena asks Mama if her resentment was so great that she would rather see her daughters miserable. Sarita, master of the obvious, says well if Mama wanted to keep them apart, she succeeded. Mama asks how dare they speak to her this way? Sofia says proudly, because they are Elizondos. The three of them walk out. Gabi gulps her brandy down and mistakenly thinks to herself, “Poor you, Sofia. You’re no Elizondo-- because Bernardo Elizondo was not your father. You’re Ricardo Uribe’s daughter.”

Back at the Double R, Darth decides that he’ll come back there when it’s dark.

In town, Roman and Gonzalo sweet talk the Gossip Sisters into hiring Franco to serenade Jimena and Sarita for them. Apparently Roman’s set certain conditions if Franco agrees to do the serenade. (Practical jokes with the competition. This is definitely #1 of the top ten ways to win friends and influence your would-be fiancés.)

Now Darth spies on Franco, Oscar and Rigo taking a break in the back forty. Oscar and Franco agree that Tio V.O. is right about this whole Elizondo business. It’s gonna be difficult to do without their women. Oscar says he’s going to visit Jimena one more time and ask her if she loves him. If she says no, it’s over, period. He won’t see her again. Franco notices that Rigo’s in a snit too, but Rigo won’t open up to them. The three start back to work and Darth reminds himself that Juan’s weak spot is his brothers.

Root walks into the little girls’ room and begins to play with Sofia’s daughters while Eva waits to ambush Fernando in his and Gabi’s bedroom about what she just witnessed a bit ago. Feo walks in from the dressing room and Eva lights into him. It might be his wife’s house, she crabs, but he has no qualms about kissing her daughter. He plays ignorant but she tells him to stop pretending because she saw the two of them kissing and even had to distract Gabi to stop her from walking in on them. He has no morals, she tells him, and HER daughter is in danger being around a man like him. Feo mocks: “Your daughter!! When she was little you didn’t have a bit of strength to defend her then! Stop dreaming already, Eva! She despises you. Anyway, she’s nothing more than a slut, a minx!” Eva starts to slap him. “I won’t let you talk about her that way!”

Feo grabs Eva by the throat though and starts to choke. “Don’t dare touch me again, because the one who is going to get the worst of it will be your daughter! Understand?” Eva tells him to let her go or she’ll tell Gabi about the two of them. Seems she wins this round because he lets loose of her then.

Meanwhile, Gabi is waiting for DV back at Bungalow del Bruto. She is holding Darth Rico’s picture in her hand and is thinking to herself that there’s still a chance that he and she can find happiness together; that’s why she’s got to warn him that Rosendo told Augie about him being the real owner of that snake belt and that he’s the actual murderer of the Robles-Reyes’. Darth Rico walks into the bungalow and before Gabi can get a word out edgewise he cuts her off. He’s not interested so get out already! Gabi warns him not to treat her like Raquel, because they’re two very different women. “Oh really?” He tries to grab her roughly by the jaw but Gabi’s too quick for him and stares him down. “All right then, I’ll leave without telling you.” “—Now! I’m fed up with both of you! Git!” She hurls his picture onto the floor, storms out, and it smashes to pieces. Darth figures he’ll make up with her later. Right now he’s only interested in getting back what he’s still got hidden at the Double R and then getting back at Juan Reyes where it hurts the most.

Back at the main house Fernando is dragging Eva kicking and screaming over to the top of the stairs. He tries to push her down them a la Augie a few days ago. Sofia runs up to try to stop him and he turns on her. “I’m fed up with you, too, and now you’re going to pay once and for all!” He tries to push Sofia over the railing. Suddenly Jimena and Sarita are racing up the stairs to try to pull Fernando off Sofia. (Four women in this scene and all they can do is pull at his coat??? I’d have been jumping him and biting his neck or bashing him in the back of his head with the back of my arm or the nearest vase!) Gabi walks into the main hall just then and yells at them to tell her what’s going on.

Suddenly there’s a big BOOM! Augie has let loose with a shot from his ancient blunderbuss and knocks a 2 foot hole in a nearby vase. THAT gets their attention! Augie yells at Feo, “The next time you try to attack Sofia I swear I will kill you, Fernando! I swear I will!” Santita calls Feo a coward and tells him his time is coming and fast. Gabi demands an explanation. Feo shrugs in feigned surprise. “They just went mad and attacked me! It was all Eva’s fault. She was in our bedroom insulting me and she attacked me.” Eva denies it and says she was only there to tell him what she thought. Gabi says nothing Eva thinks interests her and she didn’t have the right to go into her bedroom –unless, perhaps, she wanted to sleep with this husband the way she did with Bernardo. Santita raises her eyebrows. Sofia and her two sisters follow Eva back toward the little girls’ room.

Sofia comes in to the girl’s room and sees Root with her daughters. She kicks Root out and tells her she doesn’t want to see her in there ever again. Ever!! Root shrugs her off and leaves. Back on the landing, Feo tells Gabi that Eva just went nuts. Augie says, “So that was why you tried to kill Sofia? To commit another one of your crimes?” Gabi yells at Augie to stop already. She doesn’t want him accusing her husband of being a murderer! Santita says, “Well as always, Gabi, you defend everybody but never your own daughters.” Root walks past and says sorry, but family tiffs like this bore her and make her queasy. She excuses herself and saunters out.

Augie looks downstairs at Root leaving and says the house is filling up with poisonous brutes. So fortunately, he and Santita are getting married and getting the heck away from there. Gabi screams that Augie and she can’t get married. Santi says oh yeah? Watch us! We’re getting married both civilly and by the Church! Gabi says it would be showing disrespect towards her dear dead mother. Santi says, nope. “We’re both widowers now and nobody can stop us.” Gabi tries to lay the old guilt trip on Augie again about killing her mother in that car wreck but Augie yells at her to remember Gabi herself was the one driving that night, not him! Gabi, he says, killed her mother in the same heartless way she would kill her three daughters if she could! Santita’s look hardens but perverted Feo looks over at Gabi with renewed interest and admiration.

Back in Puebla City, Juan is in his daughter’s room “attempting” to rock his little daughter in the giant hospital bed. (Don’t they have hospital cribs around there? The kid looks like she could crawl over that stumpy rail and fall out any minute—if Juan doesn’t shake, rattle and roll her over it first!) He’s all excited and tells Maria Jose that now her parents can get married and she and her little sisters can all live together with them in one big happy family. Juan stops suddenly then and thinks back to what Rosendo told him about the true owner of that snake belt. His constipated brain finally connects the dots and he says to himself that since Gabi was able to describe the murder of his parents exactly the way he remembers seeing it and dreamt about it his entire life, then the real murderer must have been the one to tell her about it. He’s going to make her tell him who that was. He’ll get the truth out of her no matter what. (I vote for the “no matter what” option.)

Back in the little girls’ room at the hacienda, Sofia begs Eva to let her in on whatever it was that caused her to go at it with Feo that way. Eva gives in and says, well, it’s hard because every day she realizes that Root is more headstrong and rebellious than she could have ever imagined. “Uh… er … I discovered her and Fernando kissing each other.” Sofia stands up, drop-jaw impactada. “What???”

Across the hall in their bedroom Crabi gives Feo the third degree over what he and Eva were arguing about. He gripes that Eva is just an old busybody who insists on spying on his every move. Gabi wonders if it’s because he might be hiding something from her. He of course denies it. He says Eva is just so frustrated about wanting to tell Root the truth that she’s capable of anything now. He begins pacing and Crabi wonders what he’s afraid of. He says he’s afraid of Sofia going ahead with her threat to send him to jail. So, if Gabi ever loved him she should avoid any further friction between her and Sofia because it would be to their mutual benefit if she would. He begins to seduce Gabi to make sure she sees things his way.

Eva wants to know what Sofia’s about to do now that she knows. Sofia tells Eva that she’s off to do something she should have done a while ago.

Gabi breaks away from Fernando. She’s flustered and wonders why he’s kissing her like that after everything he’s done. He says because he luuuhhvs her but she stopped believing him, and they’ve both hurt each other, but now it’s to their mutual benefit if they begin to support each other again. “Don’t you realize that we neeeeed each other again?” “—You’re right. I need you and you need me.” “--Together again we’ll be invicible,” he wheedles. She only wishes she could be sure that he really does love her. He says of course he does, and like no other women he’s ever loved –well, others have given him a perverse pleasure, but with HER it’s different. They share the same interests, the same hatred, and the same loves. She swoons and asks weakly if he really does love her like he says. (So what’s Darth, now? Swiss cheese?) “You must not doubt it again!” Gabi continues to swoon. “I’m a strong woman, but I need to be loved.” “--Just like me,” says Feo. “—I need for you all to love me.” “—I love you.” “—I need it so much…” she demures. “—Ye-s-s-s. You must trust me. The only thing that I ask is that you trust me. Don’t lack confidence in me again.” He continues the seduction.

In town the sheriff tells Sofia that she’s making a very serious accusation and he wonders if she really wants to go ahead with things. Sofia says absolutely. “Fernando Escandon has to pay back everything he owes us.”

Meanwhile, Fernando swears he’ll love Gabi his entire life and he leaves her alone to think things over.

Back at the hospital in Puebla City, Juan decides that the only way to deal with things is to confront his enemies. Sofia walks into the hospital room. She tells Juan she’s got a surprise waiting for Fernando and he says that he’s got another one, too, but he’ll tell her about it later. He kisses her good-bye and leaves.

That night, Darth sneaks into the field behind the Double R and cuts the tractor’s brake lines with his giant gutting knife. “The Reyes’ will pay dearly for having messed with me!”

At the Double E, Feo finds Raqui walking into the main house and grabs her. He demands his money but she tells him to back off and leave her alone. She gets loose from him and storms back out again. He shakes his head and apparently is going to think of something better to try with her when Juan shows up in the foyer and calls him out. “I came to warn you not to get into it again with Sofia! Not with her nor with my daughters –and especially not with my brothers! You lied to me, you pig! (Nooo!) You went behind Sofia’s back and claimed it was her decision to let those cattle eat our crops, but it was your idea!” Feo sneers back. “He-yeah! And you fell for it, completely!” “--Yes!” Juan slugs him. Feo snarls from the floor while he clears his head and we wait for the scum bug’s next move.

Labels: Fuego

Permalink posted by Jardinera654 @ 3:43 PM 35 comments

Been there, done that: El L. has come back – he tells Mari that he had a premonition that something will go wrong. The cellos, which apparently don’t limit themselves to following Amador around, buzz. Stef tells JM congrats on your second honeymoon with Viv oh and by the way I know where Mari is.

New: Mari tells El L. that she’s had the creeps and been very nervous because he wasn’t there. She asks him again if he’ll help her deliver.

JM grills Stef, who looks smug and won’t tell. Why do you want to know? she asks. None of your beeswax, says JM. Stef forgets to act sweet and spits out that he’s a married man, he has a moral obligation to Viv, who is ill, plus there’s Mayita. Stef says she’s not going to tell, she just said this much to show him that she can keep secrets. She starts to stomp out, but he grabs her arm and says he needs to know where Mari is and with whom. Stef gives him a withering look, pulls her arm away and leaves.

JM follows and says you’re just trying to make a fool of me. They arrive in the foyer, where Mayita jumps on him while Blanca stands nearby. Stef smiles, and JM gives her the stink eye.

El L. tells Mari he won’t deliver her baby, but he’ll take her to the hospital. She asks if he’ll stick with her there. He says of course and they knuckle bump.

Back in the foyer, JM covers Mayita’s eyes and says he has a surprise. It’s Rocio, and Mayita is thrilled. (I’m thrilled her legs haven’t atrophied after all those months in a hospital bed and she can stand there without clinging to the woodwork.) He introduces Blanca to Rocio. Rocio is very warm with Blanca, hugs her, and says how can repay all you’ve done for Mayita? Stef says ahem, hello. Rocio gives her a polite but brief hello. Stef makes a few pleasantries and goes to leave. JM says Stef…., but she says sorry, I can’t.

The cellos are following Amador, who is walking his wolf down a city street. He is passing a shop, and who should step out and bump into him but the very pregnant Beatriz.

Cande and Mari are sitting on a spectacular tile fountain at the hacienda. Cande says if you’re happy that El L. is back, why the long face? Mari says she’s wondering if she’d spoken up to JM that day about her pregnancy maybe he wouldn’t have chosen to stick with Viv.

Amador tells Bea it looks like the baby’s due soon. He asks if she’s still with Elsa’s parents and when she says yes, he says he’s glad she’s staying there. She says she’ll be moving out. Amador says don’t think you can count on me for anything! Bea smiles and says don’t worry, I’ll make my own future. Amador has a big belly laugh at her. She says I don’t need you any more. I’ve learned a lot about life, and the main thing is that I have goals now. I’ve changed.

Amador smirks and who changed you? Bea says nothing about me is any of your business, including when MY child is born.

Cande is telling Mari that the law says JM had to go back to his wife when she reappeared, and Mari says does the law say I should be shoved out into the street? He and I married! And I’m going to have his child. The law isn’t fair.

Cande says are you regretting that you ran off, that you gave up everything, including love? Are you wanting to fight now for everything you lost? Mari is thoughtful. Cande says JM detests his wife and adores you, he told me himself, and if he knew you were here and expecting, he’d do everything he could to come to you. Let’s tell Padre Anselmo to tell him! No! says Mari. Don’t even say dreamy stuff like that because it makes my head spin.

Cande says even if you spend the rest of your days mad at me, I’m going to say what I think. I’d tell JM the truth. Then he can decide for himself between you and that woman. Mari says he has Mayita – I can’t tear him from his child. Probably they’ve made up and now they’re all lovey-dovey. I don’t want to be the other woman (? - el plato de segunda mesa) for him. Cande says I would never suggest such a thing! As for JM being happy with his wife, excuse me while I have a good laugh. (And she does.) They get on like cats and dogs. Heck, even cats and dogs get along better than they do! Stop says Mari, I don’t want to talk about it, understand? Leave it! Cande looks mad and makes like she’s zipping her lip.

JM arrives at Casa Velarde and tells Ceci he needs to talk to Stef. Anxious Ceci wants to know if he’s found out where Mari is, and he says not yet. Ceci says do you want to talk to Stef about Mari? and JM says yes. Ceci asks the nice maid to go tell Stef that JM is here. JM says, no, just tell her Ceci wants her, don’t say I’m here.

Cande tells Mari that Nacho says Pirana’s been seen lurking about. Mari bursts forth with a rapid stream of words, the gist of which I think is that she’s afraid El L. will go after Pirana for what he did to her earlier, and that El. L will get hurt on her account. Cande says hmmm, looks like you’re falling for El. L. Mari scoffs. Cande says (with relish) he’s young, handsome, strong, manly! Mari says he’s all yours then. Cande says naw, I’m going to die single, like my mother and grandmother. Your baby needs a father – marry El Leopardo!

Stef comes in and is startled to see JM. They glare at one another. Ceci says what’s going on with you, Stef? She thinks maybe she should let JM and Stef talk alone. He says no, you should be here and hear this. She’s been hiding something from us – she knows where Mari is. Stef doesn’t crumple, she keeps a poker face.

Mari is sitting alone now on that amazing tile fountain and she’s thinking about Cande’s saying she should marry El L. She thinks maybe it wouldn’t be decent. And sure enough, here he comes, our white knight. He takes her hand to help her up and they both smile at one another.

Back to the Stef thing: Ceci begs her to tell, and finally Stef says I have no idea. JM says but you just told me at my house! More dramatics on Ceci and JM’s part (but not on Stef’s) and finally she says I lied. It just popped out of my mouth. JM says you’re lying now, and Stef says how could I possibly know? If Ceci can’t get it out of Padre Anselmo, how could I?

El L. has helped Mari into the living room and she has a woozy spell. He comes close and says how great she smells. Mari hears Cande’s words – falling in love, in love. Mari asks him why he looks that way and he says he’s sad thinking of the day she will leave.

Stef gets ugly and says to JM why would Mari come back to you? She ran away from you because she hates you, detests you, for what you did to her that time long ago. Even if you got down on your knees, she wouldn’t take you back. JM excuses himself and leaves and Ceci looks at Stef and wonders.

Vicente is asleep in his wheelchair, a blank canvas in front of him. A nurse (!) lets Rocio in and she looks wistfully at him. She wakes him and he’s overjoyed to see her. She says forgive me (for what?) and tells him she loves him sooo much. Kissfest.

Ceci says to Stef, you know, don’t you? Stef says I have no idea – it would be criminal not to tell you if I did. Ceci melts onto the couch and says it would be criminal to keep a mother from her child, (unseen by Ceci, Stef rolls her eyes), to keep her from giving her child the love and tenderness that child deserves. To give her everything, including the family name. Stef fiddles with her hair.

Ceci says if I could see her, I’d win her heart I know. My tears would melt her, I’d beg her. I have to see her! Ceci looks at Stef, who shrugs.

Vicente tenderly admires Rocio’s face and says she’s as pretty as before. He says he never would have forgiven himself if she’d been left scarred. It’s all his fault! Rocio says no, don’t talk like that. I got better because of you. If it hadn’t been for you, I never would have had the courage to go through all those surgeries. I wanted to be pretty again for you. Can’t you at least try for me – try to walk?

Back at Mari’s barrio, JM sits on the steps of her apartment building. Oddly, nobody is around and he waits and waits, then goes down to the street where he remembers the days when he first saw here there. He goes back and asks some little kids apparently with no luck. He thoughtbubbles that he misses her.

Mari is sitting in the living room, sewing baby things. El L. who is all gentle smiles lately comes in. She says she’s bored having to just sit around, but he says pretty soon, when you have your baby, you’re not going to be bored. She asks how long she’ll be laid up after the baby and he says a couple of days, and he tells her about farm women giving birth and then getting right back to their chores. They chat and he corrects her grammar. She says she’s never talked good, and he says but now that you’ll have a child, you’ll want it to talk correctly, particularly if it’s a girl. It’s time for you to learn and change.

(Now, I’m a big Leopardo fan, but really! Two raggedy old stereotypes in about one minute! First it’s peasant women are sturdy breeders, and then it’s women should talk prettier than men. I guess living on a hacienda in the woods can make a person slip into a previous era without noticing.)

Stef is at her aunt’s apartment telling her about what happened with JM and Ceci. Isa is mad, but Stef says don’t worry, I told them I’d made it up. JM’s so mad he probably won’t talk to me again. Isa is all nerves and says it’s getting dangerous, and that darned Mari still hasn’t given birth.

Stef says don’t worry, she’ll give birth and it (she? – darn this lack of pronouns!) will disappear and JM will never know he had a child with her.

Mari is telling about the nuns trying to teach her, but bad things happened. In fact, her life has been full of bad things. El L. says he’ll correct her and if she remembers to use the right expression, he’ll give her a prize. She says like “verdad”? (instead of “neta”.) She wants to know what the prize is and he says I ‘ll tell you later. She insists and he says a kiss. She looks surprised and a little troubled and he looks shy. He says I’m sorry – I guess that’s a prize for me and not for you… buy maybe it could be for both of us?

Mari says you mean a friendship kiss? Like between pals? El L. gets very serious and says yes of course, for us there could be no other kind of feeling, but we know he’s fudging.

At the church, Purita’s mama is weeping copiously and telling the padre that Purita believes that people think she’s the same as her mother, and that everyone who looks at her is thinking that. He tells her Purita will come to understand and will change towards her. Have faith! She says her faith is shattered, and he tells her to glue it back together and offer it to God and ask for forgiveness. She says she will.

Things have gotten tearful between Vicente and Rocio. He says his situation can’t be fixed like hers was. She begs him to try. He tells her she’s wrecking their happy moment.

JM is reading a book! For a second anyway, but then right away he thoughtbubbles about Mari saying she doesn’t understand it – she and he were married legally, in a church! His bubble pops when Blanca comes in to see if he needs anything else and to say good night. He says one question: Is there a mystery in your life? He squints a little and she nervously touches her glasses.

It’s a great big church, but somehow all the action takes place in a cramped hallway where there’s a small table with candles under a crucifix. Maybe one of the many doors is the bathroom or a broom closet. Right now Purita’s mama is fervently praying aloud to Jesus about Purita and a heavenly choir is singing. There’s a hand on her shoulder – it’s Purita. The choir swells, her mama says forgive me and Purita says forgive me! (Well, I guess that’s the end of that story line. I never got into it maybe because I’ve never been a prostitute so I can’t relate, but more likely because it was such a hokey bit.)

Blanca says “yes” in a small voice. JM says trust me – I can help you. (In real life, when a man says “trust me” it’s usually time to run like mad.)

Mari is in bed and thoughtbubbles about JM telling her to leave and don’t ever come back. El L. knocks and then asks her to have dinner with him.

Blanca tearfully tells JM her sister committed suicide – because of a man.

Mari and El L. are having Purina Leopard Chow at the big hacienda table. He corrects her use of the silverware and then tells her she should say “para nada” instead of “pa nada.” She takes this in good spirits.

He mentions that he heard Amador came again – is he your husband’s friend? She says la neta, no (so no kiss for having remembered to say “verdad” ) but El L. isn’t paying attention to that anyway. He wants to know who her husband is.

Blanca is saying she doesn’t like to talk about it usually, but she’d like to talk to him. He says but you’re a very calm person, reasonable. She says but sometimes I feel a wave of anxiety, it’s some hidden fear that I don’t understand. I didn’t quite get this part – I think she said she’s afraid she’ll disappear into a world of shadows.

JM says do you blame yourself for her suicide? and she says she had nothing to do with it. He says were you maybe in love with the same man?

Mari tells El L. she doesn’t like to think about her husband, much less talk about him. He corrects her slang again. El L. says I told you names and Mari says oh yes – what was her name? Yvette.

And sure enough we see Blanca who is getting very distressed and says she didn’t even know the guy. She loved her sister and would have done anything to make her happy. Blanca looks like she’s coming unglued. JM says is the man still alive? Blanca says yes, but I don’t know where he lives, but if I saw him dead, I’d feel much better.

JM says accept your sister’s death as part of life. She despaired and went through the wrong door and there’s nothing you could have done about it. Enjoy your life, fall in love. Blanca is horrified. JM says love can heal as well as damage. ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before. (I guess in med school they offer Platitudes 101.)

El L. says yes, Yvette. It’s better not to remember. We have both suffered due to another person and now we find ourselves on the same path. Mari says bedtime and she wraps up a few big rolls, telling El L. they’re for Cande’s midnight munchies.

In the hallway, Blanca is having a twitchy crazy attack. She cowers beside a piece of furniture. Viv comes down and says Juan Miguel? She hears something and calls him again. Blanca pulls herself together, but she’s looking startle-eyed. Viv sees her and says have you seen Juan Miguel? Blanca smiles blankly then flees into another room. Viv is creeped out.

Mari is in bed thinking of El L. saying he will give her a kiss. She wonders why he talked to her like that. Is he in love with me?

Avances: JM mumbles something about Mari to Rocio. El L. sits among the greenery and smiles dreamily. Mari is holding lilies. Yvette is kissing JM’s hand. Viv is saying we have no idea who she is – we need to figure her out. JM is in a restaurant with Yvette and Viv walks in and they’re busted.

Labels: Cuidado

Let's just dive right in!

Raul calls Candy and they plan to meet for a business dinner. When she gets off the phone she bitches at Meño for not telling her that her ma came around. "Because I didn't want to worry you" is the excuse. Well she is worried, for her son Chava not for herself. Patricio's got a lot of money and power and she doesn't want to lose her son.

Chayo complains to someone on the phone that she just found out about Lalo having a secret bank account. *Lalo comes home and tells his wife he loves her and how was her day, tell Papi Rico all about it while I mix us a drink. Oh whoops, that's in the alternate universe. **Lalo comes home, brushes past his beautiful wife (who we know is an awesome dancer ) and demands to know if dinner is ready.
*Lie
**What really happened


Candy tells Meño that Patricio is indeed Beto's dad. Meño figures it out, Chava's best bud is also his half brother. Candi really thinks she should live somewhere else, a new country, new name, whatever. Meño talks her out of it, surely Pat will find her, it's a bad idea.

He teases her about being dressed up. Who did she make herself look so pretty for? She says she doesn't look pretty she IS pretty. All part of her inner beauty plan I guess but easy to say when you're totally hot.

Donato helps Santi get dressed for wherever he's going and advises him about the dangers of juggling two mujeres. He tells Santi he's the ham in a babe sandwich and he'd better hope they don't join up against him or he'll be driving alone, singing in the rain. (This show's heavy-handed foreshadowing is kind of spoiling the suspense, dontcha think?) Santi talks to himself in the mirror, he really likes Candy, it's got to be Candy but she declared war. And Marissa is crazy with a crazy face. He's going to settle his dilemma the way Mexicans do such things, intelligently, coherently, sanely. He pulls a peso out of his pocket, if it's the eagle it's Marissa and if it's the sun it's Candy. He flips the coin and smiles.

Alicia gives Pato a massage. (Another massage? he's way too spoiled.) He tells her he doesn't have any lovers, Soledad is only a person who used to work for his dad and over time she and Arturo became friends. Alicia notes that she saw a boy there. Pato protesteth too much, "Oh no no no I don't have any little brothers."

Candy's all dressed up for dinner. She answers the door and crazy face Marissa surprises her at the door, she wants to talk.

Alicia is still pressing Pato about the niño thing. "He looks a lot like you" she insists. He squirms and says "well you caught me, yes he's mine." Al climbs on top of Pato and scary giggles, "He's not your son, he's your little bro." She says Pato can confide in her, she doesn't like lies. More worried looks from Pato and they boink on the couch.

Marissa's quite nice to Chava and says she'll take him to the park with his "novia" Rocio. He thinks that's just super. Marissa tells Candi she looks very nice, why? "You're going to dinner with my novio, arent you?" she demands.

Meño phones Candi's mom Gregoria with some bullcrap story about wanting to give Alicia a present. Gregoria ends up giving him Alicia's address.

Marissa asks why does Candy deny she's having dinner with her (Mar's) boyfriend? She calls Santi to verify and Santi tells her he's going out with his friends, whazzup? Candy grabs Marissa, says let's make sure, how about dinner for three, and drags her out the door.

Mini random scene where short waiter (sorry, can't remember who's Sven and who's Ole) teases tall waiter for walking with a limp. Tall guy says he played a little futbol in the morning. Short guy says the problem is at his age futbol is for watching not for playing. They rip on each other for not doing their own work and basically stand there arguing while neither of them works. I'm not sure why this scene is in here but I added it just in case.

Poker night for the boys. They're all there except Raul who said he had an appointment. Santi thinks he's probably meeting a new girlfriend or something. Heh, if he only knew. Then the guys start flaming on women, how posessive they are, etc. Santi says for sure, you get married and your leg is tied to the foot of the bed (Pata de la cama also means to be on a shoestring, so I think Santi's saying once you get married you're on a shoestring and no more spending money on fun stuff). Stupid guy with hat is confused, "Lalo says women are posessive and Santi says they like to tie men to to the bed, right?" Right, mumbles Santi, no no wrong! He said women tie your leg to the foot of the bed (back to the shoestring). Cute smarmy guy says he doesn't like that S & M stuff. Stupid guy in hat suggests they solve their problems by becoming gay. Ha ha laughter all around. I think I spent too much time trying to translate this silly conversation.

Candy drags Marissa to her dinner date and voila, it's Raul! Ha ha ha ha! Marissa is mollified and mortified and wants to leave but Candy says no way, it's a business dinner and she should be there.

Back to the poker game and the guys are still gossiping about women. Lalo worries if he divorces Chayo she'll get half of what he earns. Other guy says women should let their husbands have a lover. Bitter guy says why not two? (Manly chortle). They complain that women these days want the same liberties that men have. They want a husband then take lovers. (I guess that's what bitter man's wife did) Sorry, but I didn't get the end of this conversation.

Raul asks Candy about this new institute she's going to start. "You're going to have a spa?" asks Marissa. Not quite a spa or a gym she says, then Candy gives Meester Raul and Marissa a short tutorial on inner beauty. She claims natural beauty is much better than artificial beauty. Raul is mesmerized.

Next morning Raul surprises sis with a visit and a box of coffee. He's got a great idea, she should unite with her enemy. Mari doesn't understand these things before 9:00 a.m. Raul makes her listen, he says there is something between Candy and her boyfriend, Candy 's institute needs money, she and Candy should become partners!

Candy shows Meño all her fan mail from women who are in crummy situations, whose husbands and sons only need them for cleaning and cooking. She gets letters from women who are beaten and then ask her for advice; she doesn't know what to say to them. Meño gives her a pep talk, she's a woman who knows what to say, who is authentic. Candy pipes up that's what she heard last night. "From the Plastic Doctor?" asks Meño. Candy reveals she had dinner with their boss Raul. Meño is impactado, "No puede..." He's never even invited Meño for a cup of coffee and one look at Candy and he's got the eyes of a cow in love. Candy teases Meño about his gay-looking shirt and the way he walks, then she cackles about it. Whatever.


Candy trots down to the table, pours a cup of tea and forces Charly to have a conversation with her. Does he like his papa? Charly thinks his dad is a little weird but basically good people. Weird how, aks Candy? Charly waves his hand and says dad's mannerisms are a bit delicate. Whatever, he can't stand gays, he had a friend in the DF who came out and Charly wouldn't see him anymore. Candy wonders why this sudden talk of gays. Charly asks Candy if dad has a girlfriend, has he ever had a girlfriend? Oops, Candi's a bit tongue-tied.

Meño visits Alicia and asks to see Gregoria. She's not too happy to see Meño but he's saccharin sweet to her, gives her a hug, says she looks great, did she have a face lift? Alicia says in fact she already suggested it but ma doesn't want to. Nice.

Lucia's happily chatting on the phone with Charly who just got a new job. She still feels guilty about him not being a hamburger anymore. Sounds like he's invited her to visit him at his new gig, I wonder what kind of fast food he'll be this time?

Marissa visits her bro at work, she's warming up to the idea of being Candy's partner but what benefits would she get from it? Bro says 1) your boyfriend won't be able to be with her if she's always with her partner, 2) if you're her partner Candy won't be able to betray you. Marissa adds and 3) you like her; finally after all these years you're interested in someone. Maybe he says. She leaves and Raul looks pensive.

Beto asks Soledad has dad called him? He says dad is never going to come back is he? Poor little guy.

Raul asks his dead wife's picture "Is it bad that I like Candy? She reminds me a lot of you."

Arturo's back on his feet and he wants to go into biz with his son. He has a friend in California and they can export Pato's crafts there. California is full of Mexicans! Pato says that's because we're recovering it, California once belonged to Mexico. Aturo doesn't want a history class, he wants to make money. Pato says he has something important to tell his dad, "You have a lover." Dad is confused, what the?..

Lucia and Eva look for Charly in the mall. A big chicken follows them and gooses them (hee hee, sorry I couldn't resist). Big chicken grabs Lucia and she finally figures out it's Charly. It's his new work and he'd better get back to it before he gets fired. Lucia asks Eva isn't he awesome? Eva's not too impressed, Lucia's boyfriend is just a big chicken, what's up with that? Lucia must be in love because she sighs he's not any pollo, he's a very tasty one.

Marissa visits Candi and tells her she's been thinking since last night. Candy throws out a curve ball, "your nose and boobies were operated on, right?" Marissa almost blows her tea out her nose. She admits yes her body parts are "operadas". Candi wonders why Marissa would do it, she's already so beautiful, not just her looks but she's a beautiful soul.

Pato explains to his dad about the charade, not only does Arturo have a kid but also a lover. "And a lover? Yaaaaay!" cheers Arturo. This may be the first time he's ever been happy about anything Pato's done. What a weird family.

After Marissa recovers from Candi's kind words she gets down to the purpose of her visit. Candy needs money and is looking for a partner, right?

Rocio's on cloud 9. She can't wait to show her papa her latest email from mom. Papa reads it aloud, "My dear daughter, I feel very close to you, blah blah blah, write and tell me all about school the house, because I want to know all about you. Love your only mother." Nice try Santiago, will she fall for it? (The little girl is truly adorable, what a beauty.) Rocio is overcome with emotion and wants to write mom right away. She tells her dad she loves him, and mama too...and also Marissa! Santi falls backward on the bed, foiled again.

Isabel visits Jaime at the restaurant and asks him if he knows any tunes from the 60s. Sure, he knows Joan Baez, The Beatles (so far so good piano man), and "Eddie Gorme" as the subtitles say. Isabel's delighted and so is he, he'll teach her right now. She says how about at my house? Even better!

Santi walks into the office followed by the two buns to his ham sandwich. He's confounded, they're not friends, why are they talking about the office rent? Candi introduces Santi to her new partner. The girls beam and Santi is speechless. Uh...uh...uh...uh...

Alicia thinks partnering with Arturo is a great idea and she wants to be involved. She tells her pop-in-law now that they are business associates he doesn't need to pretend with her. She met his lover and his son. Uh oh, Pato's mom Margarita walks in just as Al is flapping her jaw and is muy, pero muy impactada. "What, you have a lover and a son? I want a divorce immediately!" This part is great, both Pato and Arturo wag their fingers and shake their heads in unison, then they look at each other with the same baffled expressions on their faces, mirror images. Nice bit of acting there.

Santi and Candy fight over Marissa. He says Mari is his partner. Candi pulls her back, Marissa is HER partner, more back and forth. Santi says Mari's betraying him, she's his future wife. Doesn't matter retorts Candy, Mari's not the slave of the Plastic Doctor. He says if she doesn't shut up he'll tell the whole world she's not dead! Marissa's confused, what does he mean dead? Santi back pedals but remains on fire, he tells Candi first he'll deal with his girlfriend and then with her. He and Marissa argue some more.

Margarita asks why is Arturo laughing, what's so funny? Alicia says he's laughing because it's just a joke, they saw her listening at the door. Lots of stupid nervous laughter but Ma's not amused.

Santi talks really fast to Marissa, she can do whatever she wants and he doesn't want to get in her way, but blah blah blah he switches to complaining about her partnership with Candy. Candy is his enemy. Marissa's already a partner in his clinic, she edits the column and now she's a partner in another business? He accuses that she wants to be Candy's partner so she can control Candy and also control him. She retorts he's in charge of the clinic and her bro's in charge of the paper, she wants another business. He says it's going to be a disaster. More fast talking about bubis. Santi gets pouty and says he feels betrayed. Marissa fixes his emotional boo-boos with a kiss, then another, then another. Santi warns Hortensia, no interruptions. Office boinkage ensues. Candy who?

The odd foursome of Arturo, Pato, Alicia and Margarita leave the offices. Ma complains to Alicia that it was a stupid joke. Pop tells Pato he'll help him but not at the risk of his marriage, however the old dog's pretty darn happy that he has a grandson. "Even by a woman I only spent one night with?" asks Pato. Dad says the woman's not important, he wants to give the kid his name and meet him. Pato doesn't think that's a good idea at all. Dad says he's not asking, he's ordering. (Grrrr...)

Candy follows Meño around the restaurant and tells him he has to get a girlfriend because of Charly. She says ask Zamora (Sven?), he knows a lot of women. Meño says being gay isn't an illness. (Do we have to go throught his conversation again?) Fine, says Candy, it's not an illness but if he wants Charly to stop asking so many questions he'd better get a woman, and stop it with the little finger! Meno tries to walk like John Wayne and pounds his hand on the bar except it hurts his hand. (Sigh.)

Isabel, Lucia and the maid are in the mercado and Lucia asks Isabel what it feels like to fall in love. Like butterflies in the stomach answers granny. The maid pipes up it's like having gas in the stomach. Lucia asks is it like butterflies or gas? Isabel explains further, it's like tickling. Maid pipes up again, it's like tickling in your armpits. Que??? Yes, her first boyfriend sold deoderant and everytime she lifted her arms he applied deoderant and it tickled her. Weird. Isabel's curious, why does Lucia ask all these questions about love? She's asking for a friend of course. Oh Really??? asks Abuela. Isabel brags to the maid that she only had one love and she married him, maid laughs at Isabel for only having one boyfriend in her life.

I guess the office lovemaking didn't last long, Santi's already buttoning his ugly coat and calling Candy. He tells her she's not going to win the war. She says his girlfriend is her partner and one man can't win against two women. Blah blah blah idle threats back and forth with Santi concluding that he will not allow her to open her Soul Institue on top of his business, he means it, no kidding!

Lucia and Charly eat ice cream and talk about old-fashioned parents. Lucia says her uncle wouldn't be happy if he knew she had a boyfriend. Charly points out he's not exactly her boyfriend. Duh, she wasn't saying he is, just that uncle doesn't want her to have A boyfriend. Charly asks and what if I wanted to be your boyfriend? She jumps up and skips off. Charly makes a deal with himself, if she turns within ten seconds and waves goodbye then she loves him. Ten, nine, eight, seven...she turns around and with a big smile waves goodbye.

Candi and Marissa are plotting and having lunch at Meño's restaurant. Well, they're trying to talk but Sven and Ole are drooling over them which always puts a damper on dining. Candi's plan is to have the prestigious Doctor Plastico help them with the promotion of their institute. No way says Marissa, he declared war against them and is furious, Plastico will never help them. Candi vows he'll help promote them and furthermore she'll make him strip in the marketplace. (Great idea!!) "Fahgeddaboutit," sez Marissa, "You're nuts!" Candi looks smug.

Mañana de impacatados: Beto tells Candi that her mom's friend Patricio is inside the house giving Chava a futbol shirt. Candi is impactada. Inside the house Pato's putting his little shirt on Chava when he see's a pic of Candi. Pato is impactado. "It's my mom" Chava exclaims proudly. Pato is mas impactado. Candi discovers that Patricio is married to her sister. Candi is muy pero muy impactada.

Labels: Tontas

Okay I haven’t been watching this, I read most of the recaps, but I bought a 50 foot cable during DA so I could use the laptop and watch the TV at the same time. A year later & my connector is loose, most times I type a comment, my connection is broken. So my ghetto wireless isn’t really up to par.

Anyway let’s start with ever increasing hordes of natives crowding into the hospital. I was delighted to see Tio Elf, sporting a festive Red Bow. Now I know what happened to that wreath I hang every year, really Dude if you were gonna steal the Bow, you might have taken the whole wreath..I’m tellin you, a little evergreen dressing up that collar was all that missing from making this a total Festive Fashion Statement. Rigo of the Blank Bullets & his unpregnant wife were present, Sarita & Jimena accompanied by their dull & insipid new suitors. Root & Fer stopped by, they had apparently seen some old Gray’s Anatomy’s and realized, dirty laundry, supply rooms, or open patient rooms and not to mention coma patient’s room are excellent spots for hook-ups. Padre Tad, the most useless priest in the western hemisphere was present. Franco & Oscar, Quintana & the Ros Whatever, the Ranch guy. Oh yeah and I almost forgot, Raquel, Gramps & his Santa.

Meanwhile in the little operation room of Horrors, the kid is going towards the light. Juan is shouting out all kinds of “What the Hell” is going on. I get it, that if someone is directly hook-up giving blood, they probably can’t give the person STFU meds, but still a gag would work. If I am being operated on, and a live donor is giving blood, please Gawd let it be someone who is mute. Less distraction.

The Nurse, Miss Angel of Death comes out to give Sofie the news that “There is no new, other than the kid is going down for the third time”. Oh Woe is Me, those quick to respond eyes of Sofie’s fill right up.

Back to the Operating Room, well I don’t know what happened cause actually I didn’t care, but happy music played, Juan smiled and all was right with the world.

Miss Angel of Death comes out again, curses foiled again, she is forced to act happy and tells Sofie the kid is strong and out of danger. Hmmmm Miss Angel gets a new thought and glides off.

Juan comes out with his shirt all open showing his manly blood donating chest. Why, I have no idea other than a ratings ploy. He is so happy, Sofie is so happy.

Okay now let’s move on to the other interplay going on in the very overfilled waiting room. Ranch Guy tells Sofie and Juan that the famed Snake belt, never belonged to Ber. Ber was a noble and honorable guy.
More of a lover than a fighter. This is the greatest news since well ever. Sofie wonders how Gabi could have told such a ginormus lie. Oh my hand was itchin, I so wanted to slap something…ahhh someone.
Sofie and Juan kiss, they vow to be together forever. Ya think? They will never ever ever be apart. Wow I am a total believer.

Gramps & Santa chew over the news. How could a swell guy like Gramps produce such an evil spawn?
Hey do you think there is some old guy in Palm Beach Fla., wondering the same thing…uhhhh maybe Gramps Madoff? Hey maybe Forty years of being in a Tequila Coma, Gramps missed Gabi’s formative years. Anyway whatever, he now says he wants to marry Santa Amante, she is thrilled, (as she carefully crosses her legs). Yes, love is one thing, but producing another Gabi is another. I know Santa should well be beyond the spawn producing years, but after all this Mexidoom, where all things contary to natural law still occur. They tell, Padre who is giddy with the excitement of chance of wearing a festive Wedding Cossack.

Juan and Sofie go in to see the lil patient. Juan AssHat that he is can’t quit saying Hija, Hija, Hija….I thought for sure he was going to shake her and we’d get to see the flat line. Instead he just chooses to talk to her in full volume. They lie to the little child with promises, of we will be together always. We will protect you, the family will be complete. Aside from the fact that the kid made it through the operation, the second luckiest thing in her life is the fact that she is not the true spawn of this idiots.
On the upside once this all works out as we know it will in the end. The three chiclets will be like those really rich kids who play the parents. You know they will constantly be doing the break-ups so the kids should get awesome pity gifts of sportcars, trips to Europe and so on.
Oh I forgot at some point, Don Clemente comes out and says that Julianna is dying. Juan and Sofie make rather insincere sad faces. Don Clemente, is crying and thanking the two for all their kindness to Julianna.
---The only thing that would have made this scene believeable would have been if Sofie turned and whispered to Juan, “Who is Julianna?”.

The couple go in and visit Julianna, they say their goodbyes, she is just so happy to be in their circle of happiness. She tells them how awesome and true their love. She will soon conveniently check out of life, thus leaving our lovers to feel even more blessed.

Tio Elf confronts Fer in a “In your Face” kinda way. Beats me what was said as I couldn’t get over the Elf seriously getting up in Fer’s face. Sorry but everytime I see him, then I think of Will Ferrell eating sugar on Spagetti and I am off on a whole new tangent. I just can’t pay attention to these people unless there is a chance they are going to kill someone, have sex or commit a crime. If I wanted to listen to a lecture there are plenty of places right down the street open every Sat or Sun and often Wed nites.

We had somekind of Sarita’s new novio thing. They wander off, Franco is pissed and wants to follow, Tio Elf says no. Franco distracts him, then runs off to follow Sarita. Next Franco ends up next to Oscar who is talking to Ximena and Sarita is there. I don’t know if new novio stopped off in the restroom or found a better looking female resident, (yeah it happens on Gray’s). We go thru to exact same crap we have been thru with these two couples. Just make it stop. Although I must say, I think Sarita and Franco are by far the more likeable couple, now that Sarita has gone thru that whole ugly pre-puberty sexual thing. Ximena just seems to have two emotions, I am catatonic but can talk and I am just catatonic.

Fer comes up to croon in Padre’s ear, Padre is all Satan Frightened. Root & Fer take off.

Sofie comes out and gets all sugary with Eva the Puelba Scapegoat. Padre had many HIDDEN happy thoughts, how Sofie is the real, daughter of Eva. Please, he thinks, let the truth be known.

Now Rachel, or Judy as she is channeling…stares at Eva. I gotta say, is this not the “Ol Whore getting Religion” cliché? I love when people act all pious when they are on the downside of longevity. Like getting pious at that point totally makes up for all the people they have screwed over in the past.

Fer & Root are in the Cabana, looking for a enforced wall so Fer can handcuff Root and get all jiggy wit it.
---Fer you know who built this FEMA hut, as soon as Root arches her back and stretches those arms the whole freakin wall will come down and you and your snake tattoo will be on display for the entire hacienda---
Fortunately Ricardo Uribe comes in and interrupts the trist. Fer & Ricardo do a sixth grade pushing, shoving macho contest and Fer leaves, Root gives him the universal “Call me” look. She talks to Pa.
Now we get to find out why Root hates Sofie so much. See Root is a much more complex person than my own sallow self. Just the fact that she is breathing, is enough for me.
--Well it seems like years ago, there was a school dance. Raquel, who was no doubt totally drunk at the time, made Root wear a babyish pink ruffled dress that just screamed out for mocking. Root had a crush on the main man of the sixth grade class. Some little tool named Antonio, who was just waiting to get fat. Yes you can see there is a fat guy inside Antonio. Sofie always the compassionate asks her main squeeze Antonio to give Root a whirl. Three other B team baby bitches stand around mocking Root from the sidelines. Hey I don’t see these chiclets getting an offer for a dance. Anyway Sofie promises the Tool, to dance with him, if he’ll give Root a whirl. He does and she looks happy, she is unaware that he is rolling his eyes. Later in the girl’s bathroom, Root is in a stall, while the three mega bitch chiclets are standing by the sinks mocking Root, saying how stupid she is and how stupid she looked and how Tony the Tool only asked her cause Sofie made him. This is Root’s “I’ll never go hungrey again” moment. She vows vengeance on Sofie.
Pa feels bad for her story & yes indeed he too vows vengeance on Sofie & Juan.

---Seriously, Root now turned into uber leather vixen…Root where have you been for the past few years, Sofie has worn outfits that made your princess dress look positively Red Carpet. Sofie wears things that Little Laura donated to the Parire Goodwill. Not to mention have you looked up the rest of the class? My guess is each one of the three has at least seven kids by various fathers & Antonio can’t see his own feet, much less anything else.

Okay to sum up the rest of this drivel…
Ranch guy confesses to Santa & Gramps that Ricardo is the real killer. Gabi overhears.
Juan and Sofie bother the Virgin with more promises that they will always stay together. Lying to the Virgin, not a good thing. While it seems this would be an awesome time to wrap this crap up, no can do as it goes on for a couple more months. So they will have to break up only to make up again and again and again and again.

Now then I want to thank each and every person who read my recaps & thanks for the support.
This will be my last recap.
For me it just isn't fun anymore.
Thanks again.

Labels: Fuego

Marisela says that she isn't 'Barbarita'. Her name is Marisela Barquero. Meléndez says that she is the double of her mother. In a really slimy way, he says that she is pretty (rico). He asks where her mother is. Marisela says that she doesn't have a mother. Then she calls him a disgusting old person ('viejo cochino') and tells him to get out of her way. Marisela leaves the dining room. "It can't be," says Melendez, "It's impossible that there could be two women so alike. It's the daughter."

DB says that she will leave Altamira but she wants Santos to come with her because they have unfinished business to resolve. Santos says that he agrees but he will come later. DB doesn't like that but Santos says that he has to clean up the mess she made with her invasion. When he is finished, he will come to El Miedo.

Lorenzo tells Cecilia that his heart and body is telling him that his time is nearly up. "Look at the gift life gave me in spite of all my errors," he says holding Cecilia's hand. He says that she wants to spend his last moments with her and with his daughter. Cecilia says that he should prepare Marisela but Lorenzo says no. Marisela has enough troubles. At that moment Marisela comes in cursing Meléndez.

Meléndez's assistent (Guerrero) tells him that Marisela lives at Altamira, has come to San Fernando with her family for one night and her room is being paid for by Santos Luzardo. Meléndez remembers Santos as the lawyer and friend of Gonzalo Zuloaga. Meléndez tells his subordinate to get the men ready to go to Progresso the next day.

Santos give Pajarote a telegram to send to Cecilia. Santos asks Antonio to stay and talk. He first asks if Antonio has decided to return and work at Altamira. Antonio repeats that he won't work for Santos. He explains that when he heard about DB's invasion, he came to make sure Melesio and the terneras were ok. Santos tells Antonio about Meléndez's threats against the landowners in San Fernando. He says that Meléndez is convinced that Gonzalo and his friends were responsible for the death of the border guard. "Did they do it?" asks Antonio.

Cósme tells Gonzalo that they can't leave Altamira. The poet is in no condition to travel. Gonzalo tells Cósme that DB is very tempermental. If she breaks up with Santos, they could be in serious trouble. "You won't be left unprotected," says DB coming into the room. "Santos and I have our problems but we always resolve them. I assure you. Don't look at me that way Gonzalo
Zuloaga. Santos' friends are my friends and even though you don't like me, I assure you that you can have confidence in me. I will protect you. You'll see."

DB complains to Eustachia about how Santos threw her out of Altamira in front of everyone. DB says that she never thought that Santos was capable of throwing them out. "You still don't know your man," says Eustaquia, "Look at what happened right in front of your eyes! You can't make Santos do what you want and he's not going to forgive you for this one." DB agrees. She says that he didn't yell but she could tell that Santos was furious. If it weren't for the rebels, he would have left her. "I have to do something," says DB.

Santos tells Antonio that he can't break it off completely with DB when the rebels are at her house since it might harm them. Santos tells Antonio that Meléndez and his hunting dogs ('perros de presa') are coming very soon and will search everywhere. Antonio asks what he is going do to and Santos says that he doesn't know how he can help them.

Lorenzo wakes up and sees Marisela reading. He asks what she is doing still awake. She replies that she couldn't sleep and is reading to not have ugly thoughts ('para no estar pensando en cosas feas'). Lorenzo asks if she is referring to what happened at Altamira. Marisela says that she can't believe what happened - that DB would dare to do that to them and that Santos cares about that woman who treated us so badly. Lorenzo tells Marisela that it isn't good to carry resentment. He drowned his rage in alcohol and look at him. Or look at DB who only lives to get vengeance on those who hurt her. He advices Marisela not to imitate her parents because she is much better than they. Marisela thanks him and says that when he holds her, she gets a warm feeling in her chest. Lorenzo goes on to say how proud he is of Marisela and that she has been the only light in his life. "No matter what happens, my love," he says, "I want you to know that I will always be with you. I love you very much." Marisela says that she loves him too.

Pernalete receives information that Meléndez and a detachment of troops is coming to Progresso to search for the rebels. Pernalete says that this going to cause problems and will only bother decent people.

DE comes to see Antonio. He thanks Antonio for what he did for Lucia. He tells Antonio that he can't imagine what Lucia means to him. Her mother died giving birth to her and she is the only really valuable thing he has in this life. He gives Antonio a hug and thanks him again.

Santos is telling the rebels about Meléndez's immanent visit and they are trying to decide what to do. DB comes in and overhears. "Are you referring to Nicolas Meléndez?" she asks. She asks why Santos didn't tell her about this at Altamira. Santos says that she was invading his house and he had to resolve that first. DB asks if he sure that it is Meléndez. Santos says he is sure. He saw him San Fernando. Meléndez has kept an eye on him since he knows that Santos is friends with Gonzalo and he suspects that Santos is hiding the rebels. Santos asks how DB knows Meléndez' name. Has she met him before? DB says no. She heard his name when the police came to search her hotel room in the capital.

Santos says that he has to take the rebels and try to hide them. DB says that it won't be necessary for them to leave. She shows them a secret basement room that is accesible by a trap door in the room where they keep the hay or by a tunnel that comes out about 300 meters from the house. Only DB, Eustaquia and Melquiades know about the room. DB tells Eustaquia to bring the rebels what they need.

Cósme and Andres tell their terneras that they are leaving and bid them a sad farewell.

Santos tells DB that she is a complicated woman but he thanks her for helping him. DB says that she is his woman and his problems are her problems. She asks Santos to come to bed with her. Santos says that if DB thought that because of what she has done for his friends that everything has been forgotten, she is wrong. After what she did, she isn't his woman and he doesn't want to be with her. DB asks where he is going. Santos says that he is going to look for a bush(?) (mata) where he can lie down. He needs to think and he thinks that she needs time to reflect on what she did. Santos leaves and DB says that this is bad. She says that Santos seems more disillusioned than mad. She thinks that once the danger to the rebels has passed, Santos will leave her. "Oh God, I have to stop him. I have to do something so that he comes back to me... to be mine. Meléndez... He's on his way here. God, what is happening? It seems like everything is going to blow up." She calls Eustaquia and tells her to get a bag ready and to tell Melquiades to meet her outside.

Cecilia reads a telegram from Santos and tells Marisela and Lorenzo that they can return to Altamira. Santos has thrown DB out. Lorenzo thinks that DB will just keep coming back until Santos breaks up with for good. Cecilia says that if Santis breaks it off with DB, DB will go crazy. "Crazier?" says Marisela, "that one is crazy. She should be locked up an asylum."

Tigre comes into the dining room at El Miedo and asks Eustaquia for a cup of coffee. Tigre says that he slept like a baby. Eustaquia says that it is good not to have a conscience, he can sleep without worries. "My grandmother said that 'the bad ones sleep well, the good ones lie awake at night" ('Los malos duermen bien, los que se desvelan son los buenos.') This is too abstract a thought for Tigre who says that he doesn't know what she is talking about. Eustaquia tells him that DB and Melquiades have left El Miedo, the students have left and Santos has gone. There is no one at El Miedo but she, Leon, Tigre and Juan Primito.

When Marisela, Cecilia and Lorenzo are leaving the hotel, Marisela is given a big bunch of flowers. When she finds out they are from Meléndez, she throws them on the floor and stomps on them. Meléndez calls Marisela, "muñequita," the diminutive of "muñeca," a doll.

Melquiades has taken DB to the airport. She is leaving for the capital to avoid seeing Meléndez. Mequiades says that Meléndez knew Eustaquia. DB hopes that so much time has gone by that Meléndez has forgotten Eustaquia. Melquiades asks DB why she doesn't take advantage of Meléndez being so close and let Melquiades give him what he deserves. DB says no. She wants to be there when Meléndez gets what's coming to him. She wants the pleasure of killing him with her own hands.

Santos is at El Miedo looking for DB. Eustaquia tells him that DB has gone and gives him a note from her. Santos is annoyed that she left without telling him. He tells Eustaquia that DB doesn't just do things without a reason. He demands to know why DB went to the capital. Eustaquia tells Santos that DB went to capital to see a doctor about getting pregnant. Eustaquia says that DB thinks that if she has Santos' baby, he will love her more. Santos is annoyed that DB makes decisions without consulting him. Eustaquia says that when DB is with Santos, she is good but she is alone, she gets into trouble. "Look, Eustaquia," says Santos, "loving your mistress is a challenge (reto) that I am beginning to be fed up with. I'm tired of this. A lot. Too much."

Gonzalo gets claustrophobia and he can't stand being in the basement.

Marisela, Lorenzo and Cecilia return to Altamira. Marisela is very cold to Santos. Cecilia has some cramping and ask to be taken into town to see the doctor.

Marisela finds out from the sad terneras that the rebels have left.

Dr. Arias tells Cecilia that everything is ok with her pregnancy.

Mujiquita comes to Altamira to warn Santos that Meléndez is coming to search. Santos isn't there. But while he is talking, the soldiers arrive. They ransack the place, even pat down the vaqueros as if Pajarote could have a rebel hidden in his shorts.

Santos is having memories of good and bad times with DB. "Bárbara," says Santos to himself, "what is going to happen with us?"

In the capital, DB tells herself that without Santos, her life is empty. "Don't leave me, my love," she says, "Don't leave me."

Marisela goes off on the soldiers searching Melesio's house.

Meanwhile, Gonzalo says that he can't stand being in the basement. He tries to escape.

Antonio and Lucia are in town. Antonio buys an ice cream for Lucia. She asks why he won't use the familiar 'tu' with her. Antonio says that as the foreman of her father's ranch, it wouldn't be appropriate. Cecilia comes up to where Antonio and Lucia are standing. She asks to be introduced to his friend.

The doctor tells DB that she can't have children. Her uterus is damaged.

Marisela comes downstairs at Altamira to find Meléndez there. "Muñequita, I'm happy to see you. I imagine that you are happy, too. I will tell you something but don't tell anyone. I've been following you, looking for you. The same body... the same skin..." He reaches out to touch Marisela and she tells him not to touch her. "Don't reject me, Muñequita," says Meléndez. A girl did that once and things went very badly for her. At that time, I was a poor slob. Now I have power, lots of power." Marisela says that she doesn't care about his power. It doesn't make him better. He still is an ugly old man, unpleasant and disgusting. Meléndez grabs Marisela and and says that all of a sudden he likes her and she should try him out. Marisela struggles and at that moment, Santos comes in and tells Meléndez to let Marisela go.

Labels: barbara

Marissa announces her engagement with Santi to Isabel. She goes on and on about what a great party she is going to organize. Ma is guardedly elated. Well, maybe not so much. She’s at least polite. She is willing to say that Mari’s hair is a little frizzy though.

Ali is doing yoga and Patsy wants to tell her something after he asks her why she didn’t come to bed last night. She preferred to sleep in her studio. Patsy wants to tell her something important.
Santi sees the sign about the offices for rent outside when Candi asks what’s up. Santi recites the greetings as it should go, and then tells her he’s noting the sign.

Ali asks Patsy what’s the problem. Que the heck, all of a sudden he’s not interested in telling her, tells her to forget it and walks out...

Ali calls Ma and Ma makes fun that her daughters don’t care about her. Ali reminds her two of them are dead and yes she cares. Ma says but you aren’t here, and she says because she’s in Guad with her husband. Ma says are you sure he’s your husband, maybe really he’s not. This freaks out Ali and so she does what every loving daughter does and orders a ticket for her Ma to come to Guad as she wants to speak with her.

Candi and Santi fight over whether or not the offices are for rent.

The kiddies decide they will be novias but not until they grow up. Chavo decides this is in 2 days.
Santi bugs Tio about renting the offices, Meno says he’ll see what he can do for a free operation. Santi says he’ll operate on Tio’s buttocks if he gets him into those offices. Now there’s a lovely thought.

Zamora asks the doc if (I couldn’t even read the damn captions fast enough, sheesh!!!) when he tells women about that stuff do they swoon and he says yes. Zamora tells Tono they are going to now be doctors. Interesting.

Rocio tells Papi about becoming novios and Santi tells her how to e-mail her Mama.

Patsy is asking a professional about how to go about recognizing a child that is about 6 yrs, when Ali comes in and ends that conversation really quick, before he gets an answer. She remarks that here Ma told her something weird, that he's not her husband. He thinks it's like what his Ma says, since they haven't married in the church, then they aren't married.

Isabel is impactada that Rocio wants a boyfriend already. They go to the bedroom and Roci announces she's just received a letter from her Mama (after like 7 years?????) Santi thinks this is great because now she can forget about Marissa. She says that's not even a joke. She had no Mama, and no she has two, and she cares for them both the same.

Santi thinks now they don't have a problem, instead 35 problems. Caray! Isabel asks if Marissa mentioned the wedding and notes he's less than enthused. She also asks Santi why he’s promised to Marissa. He likes the warm bed essentially. Ma says he could get a stuffed bear to keep him company. He is worried that because they are colleagues that if they separate for some reason there will be lawyers and fall out etc. ma reminds him she is a very smart woman and she will find a way to obligate him to stay with her. He thanks her for that comforting advice, he's not a fool. Tickling ensues by Rocio who has come back. Sooo cute.

SAnti nows stalks Candi on the street but this time he wants to talk to her as a parent. She doesn't buy this, but he struggles to tell her that her son wants to be his daughter's novio.

A mob piles out of an elevator and we see that Patsy goes to see Sole and collects the birth certificate, I guess to register Beto as his. Ali is stalking him in her bright red auto and sees this meeting and wonders what's up.

We learn that Beto is a Pumas fan because of his "father", Pat greets him and wishes luck to him for the Pumas. (Note that this team is a rival of America, the team Pat likes)

In the zocalo, Lucia meets up with Charly and he is excited she came. He hasn't found work yet because everyone wants someone 18 years old with experience, but he is close, 17 and a half. Well, 17 and half a month. Lucia willingly gives him her telephone number and tells him not to give up. They joke.

Santi notes that Candi isn't feeling well, he notes she has no temperature and she indicates that's the only good thing. She recites all that is wrong and that Pat will soon discover she's alive and when he does he'll take away her son. Santi swears he knows the best lawyers and won't let that happen.

Just then Mari and Roci call and blackmail him into coming to the park.

Lulu teases Candi that she was with "her doctor." Candi says he's not hers, but Lulu says if she doesn't want him she should send her double in in her place. Yes, Lulu says she is Candi's double, two Candies, and double her size. Sigh...

At the park, Marissa tells Santi that she and Chio are getting along famously and that she even called her Mama isn't that great? Hmmm Santi is not as warm about this, she tells him he should hug her.

She returns to the house just in time to watch Rocio and now it's Isabel's turn to exchange a number. She has to go out and leaves instructions.

Ali is worrying about where her Ma got off too because they have confirmed that the plane has arrived.

Charly is chatting with Zamora about getting Luci's digits when Candi's Ma shows up and shouts that "you killed my daughter". Zamora, who is standing in front of Tio Meno and holding up a knife thinks she's talking to him, but of course she's talking to Meno and in the next scene he tells Zamora this and to take a hike. He complains she should confront him about such things in private.

This conversation continues and Ma accuses that since he was dead of course he helped Candi "die" too. He says it was Candi's idea and he only protected her like a good uncle. She hurls that his "sickness" has ruined the whole family. He says to be gay is not a sickness, it's a lifestyle choice or "option of life". I suppose depending how you interpret this, it was an interesting characterization to me, because I think many would argue that it's not a "choice" exactly, rather a state of being. Regardless, Ma isn't buying it and insists he's sick. He says she's the sick one, he's chosen freedom and without regrets.

We go to the restaurant where Isabel learns her friend can't make it. She sits near the piano player and is thrilled that he is playing Chopin. He kids that she might be Ingrid Bergman and introduces himself as Jaime.

Candi and Tio are chatting about the office rental sign again when guess who shows up but our Doc Plastico who offers a whole years advance on the rent. This causes Candi to flashback to getting the news of her sisters death by plastic surgeon hand and she shouts no way is he renting. This conversation turns into a war over who will use the space, she says she's going to start her institute for the soul again and that she is going to compete against him for all of his patients. Blah Blah Blah they agree it's war and tear up the sign.

Ali moves in for the kill as she has now visited Sole to ask what Pat was doing there. Beto rushes over offering that he is a friend of his Ma's. Hmm, how friendly. Sole sends him off so they can talk like adults. Now there's some irony.

Revisit of the argument the high point of which is that Doc ends up telling Meno to forget about his buttocks. Candi can't believe he sold out for some buttocks. He tries to brush it off that the flesh is weak and the buttocks as well....she stomps off.


Ali reveals Pat is her husband and wants to know what's up. Sole ends up telling her that look psycho chica, I used to work with his Pa who send him here to bring me some papers. He couldn't come himself. All of a sudden Ali is happy, understands and leaves. Que the heck. I'm thinking she thinks that Sole is having an affair with Arturo. Guess we'll find out.

Jaime and "Chabeli" are getting on well, chatting about dead spouses and Chopin. Turns out he would like to see her again. Her answer to this is to give him a tiny photo, the first one she gave him must have been wrong as she had a mustache so she changes it.

Meno agree to help Candi in her war against plastic doc but only if he can be a salsa teacher in the institute. If not, he rents to the doc. Of course she agrees despite the blackmail.

Zamora says something about Don Meno being the king of the butterflies while he dances.

Santi kvetches to Mari about the rental dispute and he learns that she also works for Mari's bro as the columnist of Stupid women don't go to heaven. Mari wants him to stop talking about her or she will cut off his tongue.

Sole calls Pat to tell him of Ali's stalking. he is in a spa getting one heck of a massage.

Candi and Lulu are chatting at lunch she needs to eat greens, and Santi will not forget Candi

Zamora is trying out his great idea to be friend of doc Plas to get a girl. It doesn't work, he gets a slap.

The girls try on boots etc. Seems Santi and Mari are shopping too and arguing about something and Candi. Of course these folks are going to meet up. Sure enough they do when he and Mari decide to go into the dressing room together. Candi recognizes his voice and looks in on them then runs off. He screams that he saw her. He doesn't find her in the room next to them though and Mari is skeptical of course.

We now go to the arguing about why Ma took so long to arrive. Anyway, Ali wants to know why she says Patsy isn't her hubby. She does break out with the whole church things, and Ali says whatever, he is mine.

This was great. Isabel comes out as the hippie she wishes she was, but they have a Joan Baez song in Spanish dubbed singing over her. The house workers are thrilled at her "costume." I don't know, I'm thinking she's too old to have been a hippie, but what do I know.

Ma tells Ali she had such a real dream that she was hugging Candi, Ali is freaked out about all the dead people talk.

Eduardo's wife shows up and chats with Horty about maybe having her bubis done secretly. Some nice boobies never hurt anyone Horty tells her.She ends up taking a bank statement that comes for her hubby.


Candi again expresses to Tio that she is concerned about Pat discovering her and taking away her kid. Despite him telling her it's hard to take away a kid from his own Ma, she says he has money and lots of power. I guess that is evident from the red Ferrari that he drives around in Mexico. That takes cajones for sure.

Labels: Tontas

Buenas noches a todos.

Alternate titles:
Can you donate blood if it contains fire?
How many sherry-soaked brains does it take to reach a verisimilitude?

How convenient that Ricky happened to break and enter into the Elizondo home just as Gabi was getting all hot and bothered after listening in on all the fun they were having in the next room over. However, rooms turn over rather quickly at this joint, and it’s not really “prudent” for Ricky and Gabi to see that Fernie tied Ricky’s daughter to the bed post and used the vino tinto as a personal lubricant. Root sits naked on the bed, feeling betrayed, bewildered, but mostly sexy and amazed. She ponders her sexual appeal to middle-aged “hacendados” and wonders why her other gentleman friend came to wake her.

Unfortunately for Gabi, Ricky didn’t come for a quickie. Mostly, he’s just pissed that he saw Juan kissing his daughter. “Imaginate.” The son of his arch-nemesis kissing his only daughter. How could she be so lucky? Gabi coyly reminds him that Robles-Reyes was only a mere rival; which makes the kissing all the more appropriate. For the love of his daughter he slapped the shit out of Juan. Oh, how he loves his daughter. Gabi: “If he only knew that Root isn’t his daughter.” And to think, all the sadistic beatings and “wine showers” he missed… At least he has the comfort of knowing that his thoughts were not wholly incestuous, but merely unrealistic considering his age.

Another episode, another failed attempt of Raquel to pass for Judy Garland. Mainly it’s the hair and outfit, downing narcotics with Johnny Walkers, and competing with her much more qualified and talented daughter for a place in the audience’s heart. Now, like our beloved Judy, she’s hit rock bottom and wants to confess to Pad Tad. This alone could send her on the Farewell Tour that never stops farewelling…

It seems that the adopted kid is still having diabetic problems, or whatever they “think” she might have. Because it’s been over two weeks and they haven’t found anything, they’re sending tests to Puebla, which at most, would be like sending test results to Hattiesburg, Mississippi. (Holla to all the Dale Earnhardt Jr. fans)

So Raquel gets on her knees and starts talking about Root. Here we go... Before she can continue, Pad Tad rudely interfjects that he already knows that Root is Eva’s daughter. Woa, woa, woa! This is HER confession, buddy. Yes, Pad Tad is a bigger town gossip than the local gas-station clerk, and is always on top of the ever-changing, local genealogy. Shot down, once again. Raquel tells Pad Tad that Root is NOT the daughter of Eva, but the daughter of Gabi… OMG! This will make him the most popular priest on Facebook! Now he knows even more scandalous, albeit obvious, information which he can undoubtedly share with his fellow clergy and patrons at the next Swiss Steak Bingo Hall.

Here’s my thing: looking at all the women on this show, it’s obvious that they weren’t turning tricks in the dark every night of their bygone youth. So I ask, with full comprehension that Sofia is the “smart one” in the family; how could you finally get lucky after years of useless flirting, carry a kid for nine months, pop the thing out one crazy, forgotten night, and then have no inclination whatsoever if the local Hoochie Mamma might be the biological fruit of your loins? Think about it, because I know these idiots didn’t…

Well, we know that whatever Miss Judy slurs to Pad Tad must be true because the subsequent scene is Gabi telling Ricky how much Root is like her. I mean, after all, they are so similar, they would have to be mother and daughter, right? Surely Root would make a better daughter than Sofia, so why not trade babies thirty years later? It would be like the ultimate layaway program, ever.

The story goes like this, props to you if you guessed it: One sunny day, Raquel was holding Eva’s baby while nobody else was home. Hmm… She was really itching for her 10:30 Cosmo and ciggie, so you can imagine how nervous she was. Just then, she suddenly remembered that Gabi’s newborn was left unattended in the next room over. From the bridge of the nose and the seemingly flat forehead, Raquel instantly knew that that kid would sell much easier on the black market (I mean, it’s real estate after all). So, to spite Gabi, but mostly because she had a killer hang over, Raquel switched the black-haired kid for the bald kid. They were both in white blankets, and nobody around was conscious, so what’s the prob.? Then, apparently (remember, we're getting this from a drunk), Gabi took advantage of Raquel’s drunken fit, and refused to return Sofia unless Raquel gave her the Robles-Reyes land because it came with a damn-good watering system. After carefully weighing her options and deciding that Root could do much better on the black market than an easily-replaceable sprinkler system, she said “NO DEAL.”
After finding that Root didn’t sell as quickly as she anticipated, Raquel’s been resenting that decision for years. But, these things happen when you lose consciousness before noon (Like I always say, that’s when you know you have a problem.). That’s why, with the grace of God, she wants to change. Now I can officially say; like Jesus, and Liza, and Judy, Raquel is making a comeback.

Pad Tad is reflecting on today’s very important and scandalous confession from a former alcoholic and substance abuser. He laughs as he reminds himself that God’s mysterious paths always end up working-out for (mostly) everyone. That is, unless the miraculous paths interweave and end in turmoil and disaster. He looks for his friend on his left shoulder, he’s not there. He looks for the other friend on his right shoulder, not there either. These disappearances ignite a painful, albeit obviously insightful, memory. It was when Rosendo, the ubiquitous and multi-purpose ranch hand, informed Pad Tad that Ricky was scheming to kill the Robles-Reyes. Damn it, he says, why didn’t I listen to him and Raquel? God, as always, fill me with the light so that I can help these hopelessly desperate, witlessly insane people. God, please don’t unleash Pad Tad on these helplessly desperate morons—you saw what happened last time… and the time before...

Just when poor, alcoholic, border-line suicidal Raquel had clung-on to a bit of the false hope Pad Tad miraculously instilled in her, she walked in on Ricky and Gabi mindlessly and passionately making suck face. If this doesn’t push her over the rainbow’s edge, I don’t know what will…

And another thing, you don’t just walk-in on people while they’re in their own home. I mean seriously, you wouldn’t just walk up to any old hacienda and decide to go in without knocking or asking to enter it. And another thing, did Raquel actually think Ricky was being a faithful husband? Though, her poor sherry-soaked brain probably didn’t know the difference…

Root shivers with sensuality and excitement as she remembers the “special” way Fernie tied her delicate wrists to that hard, sturdy bed post and made a woman out of her by pouring cool, sweet merlot over her white-hot, lily skin. The thrusting, the banging; it all seemed so surreal. No one has ever made her feel so alive, so feminine. What a shame that he’s Gabi’s husband; surely, she could never fully appreciate all his manhood.

What is it with these people? They “can’t sleep” so they drink even more booze and start expressing themselves through art. Well, I guess it's not as bad as booze AND ambien. Fernie’s rendition of Capricho looks like something a paraplegic first grader made with his eyes closed. Gabi ruined the mood, so he crosses-out his refrigerator-quality work with charcoal. Basically, both have moved on to bigger and better pastures while still holding strong to the simply unachievable, unrealistic, and un-fun image of monogamy. By pretending to be hurt by each other’s deceiving ways, they perpetuate their misery and failing image of a functional marriage. (Am I dramatic or cynical? Only time will tell...)

Now the adopted kid is in the hospital and like every other time someone goes to the hospital on this show, she “might not make it.” Well, slap my ass and call me Sally, I sure as hell hope the kid doesn’t make it, then all my problems would be solved, says Gabi.

As if Raquel hadn’t already reached rock-bottom, the kid she knows as her “daughter” tells her to get packing, and never return to see her again. Somehow, Raquel is strong enough to get up in Gabi’s grill and express whatever catty feelings her alcoholism had left inside her. Gabi is not surprised by Root’s behavior; after all, it’s just like something she would do. And sure as hell, while she’s got little Root in her hands, she’ll channel her evil powers in order to get what she wants. She then comes to the realization that Raquel is not her arch-nemesis, but that damn Eva, who happens to be…what?... you guessed it, praying. She simply does not understand why she feels this inexplicable maternal bond to Sofia.

Back at the hospital, they finally found out what was wrong with the kid; she isn’t Juan’s or Sofia’s biological kid. That was the problem…! No, actually, we already knew it; see, we adopted her out of love. Bull shit. You “adopted” her because you wanted your real kid, but you didn’t want to put all three through DNA testing because you’d look like hypocritical morons. Yes, even you two idiots drummed-up enough intelligence to think that one through. Too late, though. Well, even though you’re not her “real father” you’re still good enough to donate your blood to her. Sofia would just die if her daughter dies, I mean, who would take care of her when she gets old, who would she bitch slap every time she got drunk, and who would she have to swap or sell in case she needed drug money or sprinkler systems?

It’s time for the transplant. Things go from bad to ugly to worse when Juan’s baby’s heartbeat lowers two beats/minute. It’s terribly dramatic. Juan even prays for the heartbeat to raise two beats. My question is; how can you donate blood if it has fire in it?

Tomorrow: We all know that Juan would give his last drop of blood for his daughter (?). That’s why the transplant is crucial. But will they survive? Let’s hope not… Though, something tells me that they probably will…

That’s it, kiddies. Sayonara. I’m off for a two-week hiatus in Cozumel. Maybe I’ll find myself and “grow-up,” as some of you have suggested. Doubt it!!!

Until then, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year! And to all a good night!

Labels: Fuego