Wednesday, February 29, 2012
El Talismán #21 Tue 2/28/12A Lesson in Hubris, or Doris Speaks
Labels: Talisman
I have taken some liberties in my imagination with The Harlot's Tale. Really, it's the fault of the El Tal writing team. If they would have given us something on how Doris learned to drive men wild, I wouldn't have had to use my own sources.
As usual there are formatting issues. I think I am a formatting dolt on Blogger. My apologies.
I hope you enjoy The Harlot's Tale.
ElnaJune
Yes, el Tal is friggin'stupid but you recappers amaze me every week. This is literature, not a recap, and we are the happy recipients.
PS I think your recap posted twice but it's certainly worth a second read!
What a great idea to write a recap from one of the second line character's perspectives.
Blue Lass, yes, he really did say that. I laughed out loud for five minutes.
Sara, I am glad you enjoyed the recap. It was fun to imagine Doris' background. She is one sick cookie, just like the rest of the bunch at Alcatraz.
Audrey, so nice to hear your 'voice'. Thank you.
Judy B, one of the best writers we have ever had here on CC, thank you, thank you.
Karen,so great to hear from you! Thank you. I have a long OT email I have composing to you offline. Hopefully I will get it sent today.
Sara, I believe avocados have become part of the Talismaniacs collective consciousness . You made your students think of the yummy, greasy fruit. Hahaha!
I apologize to all for the double post. I cannot get the new and improved Blogger to let me edit!
This is wonderful – so creative and funny. So many great lines and phrases!
“Learn a little Hindi, make friends ... “
“the Mumbai Dried Fruit and Spices Company” and “Negrete the Raisin King”
The day and night jobs, the aphrodisiacal raisin-avocado concoctions...
(BTW Blue Lass – glad to hear you’re not in a state. I think.)
But my favorite -- Doris’s reflections on Lucrecia:
“Honestly, I know this will sound unkind, but this makes me doubt if she is even a capitalist.”
Doris warns the Pig about El Viral: Esa mujer es mala, suegro, no creo que le convenga. (That woman is bad news, f-in-law, I don’t think she’s good for you.)
Rita refers to El Viral as esa vieja which literally means “that old woman” but here it’s more “that bitch” (or “that old bitch”)
Camila refers to Lucrecia as una hipócrita
Pig refers to Antonio as a un pelele que no sirve para nada (a useless puppet, or more literally, a puppet who serves no purpose); as débil (weak), un miedoso (a scaredy-cat), and un bueno para nada (a good for nothing).
Lucrecia, nastily but unoriginally, refers to Camila as estúpida
Pig, alone in his jail cell, rails against maldita Lucrecia (damned L)
Gabriel refers to Pig as un desgraciado. (There are a lot of ways to translate this one but I think the most appropriate here is “swine”. It seems to roll off everyone’s tongue when the subject is the Pig.)
Cami, Geno and Sarita agree that Lu is mala y loca, evil and nuts
Not an insult but a phrase to savor:
un secreto a voces -- something “everybody” knows but no one acknowledges – like the fact that Panchito is a Pig Product.
Antonio rants that Panchito is un inútil (useless) un idiota and refers to him as ese índio, that “Indian”, a word he uses frequently for Pedro too.
A few more phrases to savor:
Hay que andarse con pie de plomo, nos guste o no. (Pedro strategizing with one Claudio: We have to go carefully, with caution, whether we like it or not. (Literally: We have to proceed with a lead foot!)
Doris to Antonio about her perceived rival, Camila, uses one of our favorite compounds:
Ni creas que esa quitamaridos se va a salir con la suya. (Don’t think that husband-stealer is going to get away with it/have her way.)
And finally, El Viral tells Armando she’s going to borrow Renato’s car so she can make a grand appearance at El Tal:
No pienso llegar como pordiosera (I don’t plan on coming there [looking] like a beggar. (from por Dios)
I haven't been able to watch this tn very often, but do get to read the recaps and comments on occasion. This one was a gem, funny, inventive, provocative, and lots more interesting than the substrate from which it arose.
I can't quite understand why a team of professional writers working during normal business hours have come up with such drivel, and yet our lovely recappers working alone in the wee hours of the morning produce such gems.
Is there an inverse proportion law regarding how much Spanish you learn and the crappiness of the script?
Thanks again EJ, and all the recappers.
David
So...Antonio keeps raging on about being el patrón and trashing Panchito about not being a Negrete and Gargoyle says Antonio doesn't seem like his son...is there a possibility that Antonio is not, in fact, Gag's son? It wouldn't surprise me if Lookrazy takes after their mama.
Army's Clark Kent disguise was hilarious. Does he think he's Superman?
Camila is a dolt, but I don't know why Pedro didn't tell her about the accusation and trial when he told her about Mariana. When oh when we that chica show up, on our screens at least if not at ElTal?
So I think I have the rhythm of this show figured out:
Camila and Pedro: I love yous!
Antonio and Lucrazy: I hate yous!
Crazy Evil Scheme.
Camila to Pedro: I hate you!
Pedro: Uh Doy.
Antonio&Lu: Smirk.
Camila: Now I'll use my brain and figure out this crazy evil scheme.
Camila to Pedro: I love you.
Pedro: Uh doy.
Antonio&Lu: Drat.
Repeat.
How long is this show because they are going to run out of crazy evil schemes pretty soon.
Speaking of crazy, are they setting up Lulu to pretend to be crazy? Or will she really go nuts and be roomies with Mariana in the funny farm? And do they grow avocados at the funny farm?
Kelly
"Sri Blowba Jobba and his wife Handa", bwahahaha! When I read that I almost spewed hot tea all over my laptop.
Well, the avocado doesn't fall far from the tree. Armani's disguise is about as brilliant as Mamamarmota's plots. Thank goodness F1 and F2 take after the Negrete side of the gene pool so at least he stands half a chance of success.
We speculated early on that Anthony is NOT really the spawn of Gagorio, and as the "plot" (I use the term loosely) progresses it appears that might be the case. Whether it is or not, I hate the way the Gagorio is playing Panchito. I have friends who have dealth with abandonment issues all their lives; it seems to be a deep problem that never goes away.
Anyhoo, Elna June, your are such a talented writer! I love how David phrased it so I will repeat: "I can't quite understand why a team of professional writers working during normal business hours have come up with such drivel, and yet our lovely recappers working alone in the wee hours of the morning produce such gems." And to that gem I can only add: "Ditto!!"
EJ, just wanted to say that I found myself completely captivated by The Harlot's Tale as I read your recap. You do tell a good story.
Novela Maven, I love how you pulled out the great vocabulary. Pordiosera is wonderful, but so are all the others.
Audrey, ITA with
What a great idea to write a recap from one of the second line character's perspectives.
and EJ, totally agree that Panchito and Pig conversation in the jail was the highlite surprise of the night, someone could have knocked me out with a feather as well.
When I was first reading this I thought of lots of little jabs I could give Doris, like "of course you graduated with honors, sleeping with the professor", but you got to me believe. I have a You Go Girl feeling for Doris now.
Lines I loved:
-neither of those two has seen the bank statements of the other
-I have, perhaps fairly, been called somewhat lazy
-How could such a brutal, cruel and ugly man be the avocado and raisin king of Fresno?
-Sri Blowba Jobba and his wife Handa in his Kharjeraho Academy
-selling like tortillas in China
-Antonio and Pedro circle on antoher and sniff butts
But my favorite is the same as NM's:
-This makes me doubt if she is even a capitalist. lol lol lol
Thoughts from the show:
Elvira was looking out a window that is not transparent in her bedroom.
If Armani needs more of a disguise, I know where he can get a cat costume
As much as EJ has gotten me to now root for Doris, I just don't see what she wants with BOTH Antonio AND Pig. Doris, listen up... 2 Negretes do not equal 1 JFK, Jr.
Sara - I think your students are perhaps going to use avocados with their chemistry to try to replicate Doris' aphrodisiac potion. Do they know the secret ingredient is raisins?
Continuing our rants about the blog site itself from last night... has anyone else been getting the message "are you sure you want to navigate from this page" everytime they hit refresh?
Thanks again, EJ!
Rosemary la Otra
Yeah, I think Lucrazy is being set up both to pretend to go mad and then actually go mad. But time will tell. The "writers" have actually come up with a few surprises lately -- they didn't make any sense, of course, but at least they weren't predictable.
I would wear the t-shirt—"Where is Mariana?". It is the only thing that interests me about the 'plot'.
Novela Maven: I loved your list. I am so glad someone is paying attention to the Spanish to be learned in episodes that I recap. I am not paying attention because I am so BORED by what is happening on-screen. Kelly captured the rhythm of ElTal perfectly in her comment.
I am glad several of you liked my favorite line, Doris'horrifying thought that Sister Lucrezia might not be a capitalist. It was the meanest thing she could think to say about Lucrezia. Hahahahaha.
David, so nice to see you and hear from you. Thanks for your kind words.
I don't know about the inverse law of TN crappiness and Spanish Learning; so I am putting this out to the Cap'n, Novela Maven, Marta, UA and others who have been recapping for many years—what do you all think?
Thanks, Marta,for your kind words. Could you believe it? They actually surprised me with the whole 'Arrest the Pig, Out the Son' plot development! Panchito just became an important player in one five minute scene.
Like you Cap'n, I thought the Pig's using of Panchito was cruel and ugly. Doris might be snide about him, but Panchito's neediness makes me very sad.
I am always so gratified by your kind words Sylvia. Thank you for the storyteller compliment, from you (and Will!) it means so much. Glad you loved the names of the Indian Tantric Sex Guru and his wife. LOL.
R la O:
I never really intended to make people root for Doris, by I think that is an unintended by-product of storytelling and empathy. When we learn the stories of others, we can imagine ourselves, just a little, in their shoes.
I think Doris (as I wrote her) is a pretty tragic figure. She is completely unloved and is not able to place any value on her relationships with people. I didn't give it a lot of time but it came into my mind that Doris had a severe attachment disorder, probably hereditary by exacerbated by adolescent trauma, to which I alluded.
Sadly, I think she is on the same runaway train to hell as the rest of the Negretes. You just know that as much as she thinks she has the world on a string, she is a spare girl in the Telenovela world and that leads nowhere good.
Hubris, or anvil alert for Doris.
EJ
I loved the story of Hennessey the Cat! I think he may always be a bit needy by not as traumatized as poor Joey. Your friend was so wise to bring him along on your magic boat for a race.
EJ
So donG is just one big softy? Who knew? From what we've seen of Pancho so far, he certainly has reason to be very proud.
I'm actually a bit disappointed in Pancho... he was such a treat as Jaime in Dinero... here the best he can do is pick his nose?
Carlos
She is a real person, a Renaissance Woman, not someone who slinks around slightly ajar doors, fiddles with FIL, is Queen of the Night over at The Best Little Who-house in Fresno and tries to touch Anthony all the time (she should know better by now).
Note to Lucrezia: Missy, you are no Vanessa Arismendi and you, Mr. Ibarra are no Daniel, even if you are using the same hospital room. Gee, I hope they changed the sheets before admitting you.
Where did our smart little agronomy engineer park her beanie? I'm with you, Kelly, I think that's what the writers have pinned to their storyboards. Make that at least 20 times more before the boda?
I'll get busy and order some Where is Mariana t-shirts from Doris' contacts in Taiwan. If that doesn't work, I'll try Hong Kong or Malaysia--she's probably dealt with executives from all over Asia. Do we want it in white letters on black shirt or the other way around?
I really think Armi needs one of our T-shirts to really stand out from the rest of the crowd. BTW are there any phone booths left in Fresno for him to do a quick change? Wasn't Marmota sweet to offer to get him a car - after she taps into Ren's bank account--so Armi won't feel so worthless and insignificant next to Les Girls.
Basta--I'm grinding my teeth again.
EJ--A major piece of excellent writing. It could stand as a non-fiction essay all by itself. Congratulations, loved it.
Anita
Anita
Fantasize away while in the dentist's chair. Nitrous anyone?
I believe Pancho has hidden depths. At least the actor playing him does...
EJ
So if "everyone" knows Panchito is Gaggy's son, does Antonio know? He's always sneering at Panchito for being less than, but is that because he doesn't know, or he does know and he's needling him about being illegitimate and unclaimed?
Did anyone else get a kick out of Sarita's Daisy-Duke-ish farmgirl outfit?
NovelaMavenM-Choose to believe this story or not. Yesterday I received my delivery of Laurousse's Dictionay of Spanish Sinónimos y Antónimos in the mail. This morning I opened it and the first word that jumped out at me was pelele. Psychic connection?
Anyhoo...as I taught my little heart out today there was a pause: One of those silences perfect for that one person to say something embarrassing/stupid. In this case is was "She a homewrecker[sic]" Yes, I did take the time to teach the word quitamaridos.
Sara, if you were teaching Spanish in my local adult ed I would definitely be in your class!
The scene in the carcel w/ Gregorio and Panchito was curiously touching. Gregorio works for his next degree of Cinico, while strains of Frank Zappa's "Idiot Bastard Son" play softly in the background.
Lulu meets with her doctor who tells her she was lucky she did not have serious head injuries—or none that have shown up YET. Lulu thanks the doctor for giving her an idea and tells Antonio she has a new plan. Holy CRAPola, ahahaha
And now to read comments...
(I love futbol but NOT during designated telenovela hours. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
Quitamaridos... masc. sing? fem. sing?
And oh be still my heart! While leafing (hojear) through my RAE Manual of Spanish Grammar (I am a dork) looking for the answer I got distracted by 14 glorious pages dedicated to compounds Shaky chihuahua excited does not begin to cover it...
Speaking of which- I watched Tuesday 's ep last night. Loo is definitely looking like she's going to act crazy.
New drinking game: every time Camila says "que" take a shot. We'd be blotto in no time. Lol
Oops. My beanie fell off while I was sleeping.
----
Haha! True. I hope the entire series is not just an endless string of Loo/Antonio shenanigans. That will start to get Boris and Natasha after a while and I can only take so much. I'm hoping Mariana will show up soon. That would be a more interesting turn of events, but I am disturbed by the current lack of opening credits. Did Karyme bail and was there a recast? Am I making sense?
Verb+noun compounds are masculine, regardless of the gender of the noun. Their singular and plural forms are identical: el cumpleaños, los cumpleaños.
As for nouns like "quitamaridos" which obviously refer to a woman -- okay, usually -- I think they are treated like "modelo". That is, they aren't inflected with feminine endings but are used with feminine articles and pronouns when it's clear the subject is a woman:
"La modelo, Heidi Klum, ... "
So I think you'd say:
"esa maldita quitamaridos de quinta ..." por ejemplo.
You and la chica azul probably already know this, but just in case --
If you want a thrilling read, get yourselves a copy of "A New Reference Grammar of Modern Spanish: 4th edition" by John Butt (no, seriously, that's his name) and Carmen Benjamin.
It straddles the descriptive and prescriptive grammar fence. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll bore the crap out of all but your fellow obsessives.
And it's not that expensive (available in paperback.) Might be a newer edition but the one I have -- 2004 -- is to die for.
[NM is wagging tail furiously. Mr. M has already left for work so no need to explain suspicious pool of saliva on floor.]
**Blue Lass runs off to look up grammar book on Amazon**
I loved the grammar-goddess postings by Sara, Novela Maven and Blue Lass. I hope you post here. I learn so much from your interactions, having only intermediate Spanish myself. Compounds always amuse.
I have a(nother)short rant about El Tal...I know you are shocked. You all know how I LOVE this TN.
El Tal is challenging to recap in a "straight" manner:
1. Crappy writing means no story arc to follow;
2. Crappy editing means that what stories there are jump incessantly back and forth with few and poorly done transitions.
First, no story. When I finished my notes from watching ElTal Tuesday night, I re-read them. They were nonsensical. Actually, they looked exactly like Kelly's comment of yesterday. By the time I arranged the story in a somewhat logical fashion, I had invented a plot and re-imagined the whole bloody thing.
Second, the editing was atrocious. I think the film editor called in sick for this epi, because the second half was so choppy we careened between scenes with no transitions.
I know there are some who prefer that the recapping stay closer to the storyline than I did on this recap. Fair enough. I will happily do that when the writers give me something more to work with. Big grin.
Elna June
O my! Death by a thousand cuts! Kraft-Ebbing and Tom Peters as my inspiration??? You are absolutely killing me.
ROTFL.
EJ
FREESNOW UNDERGROUND GAZETTE
Vol. 1, No. 2 (Part 1)
NEW STUFF AT TAL*MART
Custom-designed costume for Mardi Gras—Super Pie Day T-shirt and matching tights. (Or maybe an iron-on Super π patch for one of Permasmirks leotard-like shirts)
New Shipment of assorted T-Shirts
I Heart the ending credits
I Heart Glitter Hooker Masks
I Heart Hanging Avocados
I Heart Tal*Mart (reverse says Sponsored by the Freesnow Underground Gazette)
ET--STOP filming and GO HOME (complete with ripped out neckline)
OBEY THE BELT BUCKLE
Speak to the Tiara
Super Pie Day shirts left-over from the Fresno Fourth of July Pie Day Festival. Come in XXL, in three bold colors, apple red, orange orange, and avocado green.
I Heart Genoveva
BRING BACK MARIANA
Talismaniacs United
O.M.G.! I Heart Tracy
Where in the World is Mariana (with little green avocado-like footsteps going around and around the shirt)
New Item, by special request—“I Heart Tal*Mart” Bumper Stickers—come in attractive white with avocado green lettering
Neck-belt thingie to hide hickeys and matching, wide, droopy belt
El Talepathist Maruja presents her El Tal*Tarot Cards, featuring Western Wear imagery and plump avocado symbolism. A Masquerade edition will be on special for Mardis Gras.
Rabbi Jacob Sacerdote and his magical tallis -- (And great opportunity for product placement -- Tal*Mart will be hard-pressed to keep up with the demand for its line of Judaica) -- Whole new meaning for Talis-man, no?
Glad to see you browsing in the WordNerd Department of Tal*Mart. It's going through a rapid growth phase right now so be patient if some Nerdería is out of stock. Sara and Blue Lass can't fill the shelves fast enough to meet the demand! Yes, we must offer a compound words only dictionary at Tal*Mart. I would buy it today. Me too -- but it would have to be an electronic edition so it could be updated in real time.
NEW AT THE ONLY TATOO PARLOR IN FRESNO
Permasmirks—New process, it lasts through 12 showers, then needs to be reapplied
THE ONLY HOLY MONASTERIO IN FRESNO
Announces that the Revolving Descalzado Brothers are going to bake raisin bread and sell it at the Fresno area Tal*Marts. The Order lists the following brothers-in-waiting to bake.
René Casados (has that honest, kindly look)
Cesar Evora (he has an ugly cry, will do well if they decide to bake onion bread)
The padre that was in Pura Sangre, friend of Eduardo and his mom
Arturo Peniche (Padre Juan Cristobal in ENDA, before his elevation to Bishop in CME)
Jorge da Silva as the priest
Diego Olivera as the priest (Or "Padre Hottie" as he was known at TDA who became a father before he became a Father)
Tio Meno from Tontas as the priest
René Gatica (Padre Pedro from Montecristo)
Beto Ochoa (from Gancho) had a brief stint in a monastery.
Ricardo Margaleff should join
Padre Severino (from CME)
But NOT Richard Chamberlain—Do we know if he speaks Spanish? Besides, he’s too blonde
Watch for Part 2, to be delivered later.
Anita, main editor
Last night I was wondering how F&F got to be religious enough that they would take their cars to the priest to be blessed, but then I realized they'd probably seen those monks and priests around town. And then they thought "Church? A way to get out of the house on the weekends when all the adults in the family are recovering from their hangovers and whorehouse cooties? I'm in."
Yeah. I'm kind of slow.
Did you see Niña de Mi Corazón? Arturo Peniche was in that. I thought it was a good show.
Rosemary is also loving the new issue of FUG.
Sara, Unibrow was our nickname for Gagorio way back when he was in Barrera de Amor, a telenovela which was actually worse than this one if you can believe it. He played the galan, bwahahaha! I kid you not. I think he is tweezing now but he's still a unibrow.
Sara would like to place an order for a Talk to the Tiara T-shirt. :)
The head and its vicinity
cabeciduro pig-headed; stubborn
cabizbajo downcast, crest-fallen
cejijunto: unibrow (squee!
cuellilargo: long necked
lengüicorto(-a): reserved; shy of speaking
mondaoídos: I looked this up on the RAE online dictionary and discovered it was not registered, but mondaorejas was. The definition was a small spoon (cucharilla) for cleaning the ears. Ew.
pelicorto: short-haired
The Extremities
el cortáuñas:nail-clippers
maniatar: to tie up the hands (verb)
manirroto(-a): extravagant; generous; open-handed
patitieso(-a): (lit frozen foot) gobsmacked
perniquebrar: to break a leg (or both)
piernitendido(-a): legs extended
el quitaesmalte: nail polish remover
I have a mondaoidos (ear spoon) story.
My Jr high bf was a darling Japanese guy. He went with his dad to the Obon Festival, and bought he and I ear cleaning spoons! How romantic. He said they feel so good, and it had a puff on the other end for not as deep cleaning. He called it a Mimikudi (sp?).
I kept mine for years, unused, along with the Buddhist beads... Was that called an Ojuzo?... That he gave me when I had mono, which he also probably gave me. Lol
Ordered "A New Reference Grammar of Modern Spanish: 4th edition" from interlibrary loan. Can't wait.
I can't believe we now have cejijunto in our quivers! Qué maravilla!
Thanks for another brilliant issue of the FUG. Now there's a journal with heart...s. Lots and lots of hearts. Maybe the FUG should have its own page so it doesn't get lost in the stream ...
Sara,
Mondaoídos -- intriguing and disgusting (kind of like El Tal, now that I think of it).
"Mondar" is a new one on me. I looked it up and found that its primary meaning is "to peel" (fruit rinds, potato skin, tree bark).
"To clean" is a secondary meaning.
"Mondarse los dientes" means to pick one's teeth.
"Mondarse de risa" means to die laughing.
"mondar a alguien" can mean to beat someone up (give them a hiding, a tanning, I guess), at least in Latin America. (However I have begun to suspect that in the New World any transitive verb, however innocent it appears on the surface, can mean 1. to beat up on; or 2. to boink.)
----
That's hilarious. I really wish I had even a tad of your wit.
Anita, I copied/pasted your inventory list to La Plaza de Carary.
Julia, a parasail! What else could it be? (Well, maybe a hot air balloon... Or a cookie...)
Oh wait...
[NovelaMaven snorts in a decidedly unladylike fashion.]
Ya no más. So now when you hate the book, I'm gonna feel guilty. Too much responsibility. Arghhh!
Mike,
What's "the Plaza de Caray"?
We added recipes, YouTube clips of interviews with Silvia Navarro and others with Juan Soler.
I think the last time Mike added anything was when we collected all the disgusting things we said about El Tal, all in the first couple of weeks.
Check it out. There may not be much left. It seems Google+ "disappears" things after awhile, just like Poor Mariana.
Anita
Thank you! I'll poke around and see if I can find La Plaza. (I might not, even if it's there -- my sense of direction is pésima!)
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