Wednesday, February 29, 2012

El Talismán #21 Tue 2/28/12A Lesson in Hubris, or Doris Speaks

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Doris speaks…

It is called hubris, I think. I will have to ask Brigitte, my mentor in most things, certainly in all things philosophical. That overweening pride that provokes the Gods to take action, to bring a human down to a certain level, to exact justice on a man or woman for the sin of thinking too much of themself.

Call it what you will, I still argue that Don Gregorio Negrete is just a man, and therefore, he can be managed.

Last night, when he saw her at the GAGG Ball, Gregorio became somewhat interested again in Elvira Najera, his old lover. They traded words, and Gregorio insulted her in front of that gigolo Renato. I know what Renato is all about—money, but if I didn’t know better I would guess that neither of those two has seen the bank statements of the other. When we got home after the Ball, Gregorio said that the best thing about the ball was meeting Elvira and he swore to begin things again with her, referring to her as beautiful and classy. He talks to himself sometimes, even when I am in the room, and he was getting himself really worked up about Elvira before he said, “Goodnight, daughter-in-law.” 

This development does not fit with my plans and I will have to consider it carefully. The first step I took was to call Brigitte and tell her to move up my (Catherine’s) date with Gregorio. Now, I do not deny that Gregorio Negrete is capricious, and his moods are dangerous. He seethes with rage and any perceived slights to his dignity are met swiftly and with violence.  Still, he is a man, as other men, and I predict he after his night with Catherine, he will be under my sway.

Notice that I do not need overt control of Gregorio. That would take too much energy and I have, perhaps fairly, been called somewhat lazy. The point here is to have him under my influence, to get him to offer me what I have already decided to have, and then, for me to receive what I want with feigned indifference while tying it up in legal red tape so tight that I have control of it forever. What I want, of course, is controlling interest in Gregorio’s business enterprises.  Having been personally bought and paid for by Negrete as a young child I consider this no less than my patrimony.

Meanwhile, over at the Only Hotel Inn ™, Elvira returns to room after the GAGG Ball and rhapsodizes out loud about Renato. He is handsome, rich…She wants to amend her plan and marry Renato quickly.  Armando overhears his wacky mother. “Is Renato really that great?” demands Armani. “This was only your first date and appearances deceive.”

Elvira responds with a non sequitur,  “We saw Gregorio Negrete at the Ball. You cannot imagine the horrible things he said about me.

Mama Marmota is clear, she will move up her plans with Renato. What about Armani and the special project for torturing the Negrete sisters? Armani tries on some fake glasses that I believe to be part of his disguise as he woos F2. He shows his Mom but she comments critically that they don’t seem like enough of a disguise to her.

Doris on her background
It was Brigitte who got me interested in business matters. Such a fine businesswoman herself, she soon taught me to see the advantage of having control over my own resources—no victimhood for Brigitte! After my girls were born, I needed something to do. I completed my GED at home and began looking for more to interest me. Fresno State University was a close commute and it was there I met Brigitte. Math was always easy for me and in three years I finished a degree with highest honors in Economics. I got a few articles published, had an affair with the professor who was head of the department and, at Brigitte’s suggestion, when he moved to Stanford, I followed him there for business school.

While I was in grad school I was able to invest in some high tech start-ups; including Facebook. I had access to some of my own money by then and, by being a little frugal around the house with my allowance; I soon amassed a nest egg with which to invest. It was also at this time that I became a strong proponent of vertical integration as an investment strategy, and, through this lens (and with Brigitte’s urging) I began to take a serious interest in the business of harlotry. I invested in Indonesian rubber futures, latex refineries and aluminum foil packaging plants. Naturally, I came to own clothing companies that sew lingerie in China, distribution organizations and I keep a finger in the aphrodisiac trade. At this time, I am proud to say I have grown my net worth to something approaching $300 million dollars. Yes, I am a very wealthy woman and I could buy and sell Gregorio Negrete 10 times over, but half my fun in this life is watching him bluster his crude way around the house, kicking his own furniture and throwing his considerable weight around El Alcatraz imagining that he has everything and everyone in complete control. Fool.

I admit it, Gregorio fascinates me. I sometimes ask myself, “How could such a brutal, cruel and ugly man be the avocado and raisin king of Fresno?”  He certainly did not gain his kingdom through his finesse or expertise in business. He is somewhat careless in business matters. For example, he has not even noticed that the mortgages on all of the lands abutting El Alcatraz have quietly changed hands in the last five years—each is now owned by one of my offshore corporations. All adjacent lands (except for El Talisman, that lovely ranch on our northern border) are owned and controlled by me. Yes, I have him completely hemmed in.

No, Gregorio Negrete’s is inherited wealth and what matters most to me is that some day I will control his every penny. Only then will I feel I am fully able to act out a slow, meaningful revenge on Gregorio—and my father.

I am not terribly close to my daughters. I want you to know that this is really not their fault. They are attractive enough girls, though no beauties, but in intelligence they take after the Negrete side of their gene pool, more’s the pity. I was so young when they were born and their birth was so painful that I am afraid I blamed them for my misery and failed to bond deeply with them. I left most of their rearing to nannies and to Antonio, who always took a ridiculous amount of interest in them. When I was attending B-school, and traveling back and forth between Palo Alto and Fresno, I never neglected to bring them toys and gifts. My biggest commitment to them was to keep them safe from predators. Still, they have always been somewhat boring to me, and now that they are old enough to have real conversations all I ever overhear them discussing is boys. Truly an enervating topic, as men are obviously a means to an end. It is dangerous to ever let them be anything more.

Sleep just wasn’t happening last night in Fresno. I could hear Gregorio talking out loud to himself. He said that he doesn’t love his children but he has always admired Lucrezia. She is crazy and will do anything to get what she wants. Antonio, well Gregorio despises Antonio. He said that Antonio doesn’t even look like his son. He called Antonio weak. I guess he wanted Antonio to ‘fight him like a man’ about the gift of the girl’s cars, but when Antonio humbled himself to Gregorio, G. hated him even more. He ended his little self-talk by referring to me, “Antonio doesn’t even divorce his wife who he cannot stand.”

Now my mind was troubled and I couldn’t stop thinking about my conversation with Gregorio. He really is taken with this Elvira! And Antonio is interested in her daughter—I heard the girls gossiping about Camila being Antonio’s lover. That is just speculation on my daughter’s part. The Negrete men belong to me.

This thought leads me to my bête noir, my husband, and the love of my life—Anthony Negrete.  His father calls him Antonio, but to me he will always be Anthony, the one man I want that I have never really had. That isn’t to say that we have not been lovers. After our first furious coupling when he was just 14, he stayed with me for many years. But as my powers of sexual persuasion grew, so, too, did his wariness of me. Now he treats me like a pariah, using the phrase, “¡No me toques!”, if I ever come near him.

I think Anthony became suspicious when I took the International Business internship placement in Mumbai, India. Of course, that, too, was Brigitte’s doing. “India is a huge country, my dear”, she told me. Learn a little Hindi, make friends and take the placement because I have a surprise waiting for you in India.” It took some persuading for Gregorio to let me go, but when the Mumbai Dried Fruit and Spices Company in India said it wanted to strengthen relationships with it’s major American partner—Negrete the Raisin King—I was soon allowed to go as a family representative.

What an awakening I had in India!—A magnificent place in both its wealth and squalor.  Brigitte had arranged quite an internship for me. In the day, I worked with the executives at Mumbai Dried Fruit and Spices Company, but at night, I had another apprenticeship. For one year, every night was spent with Sri Blowba Jobba and his wife Handa in his Kharjeraho Academy.

Here we were trained in the ancient traditions of the Kama Sutra, how to use the giving and receiving of pleasure as a means to higher states of consciousness. The Academy was named after the ancient temple site in Khajeraho, Madya Pradesh, where fully ten percent of the sculptures in this complex depict acts of love. Many famous courtesans, housewives and spies trained here before me, including the great Mata Hari. Here I learned to drive men mad with pleasure and to bend them to my will.  But my special advantage, the one that sealed the deal with Sri Blowba, was the fact that I had unlimited access to the most important ingredients in his complex aphrodisiacal concoctions-raisins and avocados.

Naturally the Blowbas and I formed a joint venture when I graduated from the Academy and I am delighted to say are products are selling like tortillas in China.

My sister-in-law, Lucrezia, might have thrived in such an environment. She has natural sexual talent and is quite good looking. It is certain that she and Anthony have been lovers for many years. But Lucrezia is not very bright, lacks discipline and she has no real goals in life. Most disappointing, to my point of view, she is a whore—she gives her great commodity away for free. Honestly, I know this will sound unkind, but this makes me doubt if she is even a capitalist.

Lately, she has turned her obsessive-compulsive yearnings onto the owner of the neighboring estate, a tall, gallant man originally from Mexico named Pedro Ibarra. He is handsome (although I see no evidence of sensuality around his mouth), but he has NO money of his own and no facility for making any. Hopeless, really.

I believe he is too-good-for-his-own-good and is completely enamored of the young agricultural engineer we recently had working here at the ranch, Camila Najera.

Camila’s family once owned El Talisman, but Gregorio wanted the property and set her father up in a rigged card game to “bet the ranch” so to speak. Najera, being both a fool and a gambling addict, fell into Gregorio’s hands like a ripe avocado after a heat wave.

The poor fellow, Esteban Najera, lost his home that night although not to the Negretes! Surprise, surprise! It was the good guy next door, Pedro Ibarra who won the Talisman property and Camila and her family were forced out after her father suicided in the master bedroom the next morning. It was most unpleasant.

It’s just as well for Camila, she managed to get a decent University degree up at UC Davis and has a chance to make something of herself in that straight-career sort of way. But I hear that she and Ibarra are hopeless romantics and are mad about each other. We’ll see what Miss Crazy Lucrezia has to say about that.

Lucrezia’a most recent stunt has landed her in the hospital and it may ruin us all.

At the Hospital

In her hospital room Lucrezia begs Pedro not to leave her. He tells her over and over again that nothing will happen between them because he loves Camila. Pedro won’t play. He is not looking for another love.

Camila stands outside the hospital room and seethes that it is clear that she won’t let Lucrezia have Pedro. (What is Pedro, the prize pig to be auctioned off at the county fair?)When Antonio comes along he stirs the pot with Camila. Pedro comes out into the hall with Antonio and Camila and they repeat several identical exchanges in which Antonio and Pedro circle one another and sniff butts.

Pedro goes back into Lulu’s room and she gets him to promise that he will visit her tomorrow. Pedro promises. (Dolt).

Out in the hall Antonio admits to Camila that Lucrezia has serious mental illness. Uh huh. Psychiatrists cannot cure it. Pedro comes out to join the conversation, and interrupts them with, “What are you talking about? The only crazy person here is you, Antonio, in your plans to separate us (he and Camila)! Nothing will separate us! (at least not for five minutes).”

Now Antonio drops another bomb into the conversation—Pedro killed his wife Mariana to get her inheritance. Camila immediately believes the worst of Pedro, while Antonio smiles at the camera and encourages continued misunderstanding between Camila and Pedro.

Pedro finally admits that he was accused of killing Mariana, but acquitted. Again, Camila stomps off and gets in the elevator alone. “All these secrets will end our relationship.” What relationship, viewerville asks?

Antonio goes into Lulu’s room and repeatedly reminds her to deny everything about her beating when she talks to the police. He threatens her with more battering if she doesn’t comply.  Lulu meets with her doctor who tells her she was lucky she did not have serious head injuries—or none that have shown up YET. Lulu thanks the doctor for giving her an idea and tells Antonio she has a new plan.

Antonio restates his belief that if she denies that her father beat her the police cannot arrest Gregorio. Lucrezia meets with the police and lies that a stranger attacked her.

But Antonio is wrong. The police come to El Alcatraz and arrest Gregorio Negrete. He goes to the county jail overnight.

Meanwhile, Pedro and Camila’s endless and boring misunderstandings continue. Camila goes back to El Tal where Pedro calls and tries to talk to her, Tia tries to talk to her and Genoveva tries to talk to her. To no avail. Camila announces that her relationship with Pedro is all business. (This is so friggin’ stupid it gives me a headache).






Next Morning

Everybody finds out that Gregorio spent the night in jail.
-Gabriel ( I think) tells Pedro and Tia.
-Sarita tells Camila and Geno.
Pedro and Camila fight, again. Each of them blames a different Negrete sibling for their differences.

At the hospital, Lulu tells Antonio what she told the police, that a stranger attacked her. Lulu is worried that there will be hell to pay after Daddy spent the night in jail. Antonio tells Lu that she should not worry, daddy dearest will soon fall ill.

Antonio calls Elvira and tells her to up the poison dosage. (Whaaat— is she poisoning the meds one pill at a time?)

At The Only Inn Armani hears his mom use the word poison and asks Elvira about it just as he comes out to model the latest in spy wear. She is getting ready to borrow Renato’s SPORTSCAR (Corvette that we saw yesterday) and to return to El Talisman in a blaze of glory.

Elvira compliments him on his ‘fit—a new pair of glasses and a white sleeveless hoodie— will turn this mild-mannered weakling into Jose,  lover of the other F. sister! Lord, this is funny.

Doris visits the jail

The next morning Panchito and I visited Gregorio in jail. Panchito is a pathetic creature, one of G.’s illegitimate sons and he worships his Dad. I must admit I was a little shocked by what I overheard of their conversation.

G. promised to give Panchito more attention and invited him to sit down at the jail picnic table. Panchito, groveling as usual, says he would do anything for Gregorio. Gregorio asked if Antonio is there to see him and Panchito says no, just he and I. Then G. really surprised me when he said to Panchito, “I think we should talk about something very important. You know you are my son? I cannot acknowledge you now but I want you to do me a favor. Be my eyes and ears inside my own family. One day, you will be over all my other children.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather. Of course, Panchito agreed to the deal because all he wants is to be acknowledged as a Negrete. Poor bastard.

The best part of what I overheard was the last thing Gregorio told Panchito,  “Doris is the only other person that I can unconditionally count on.” I have got to call Brigitte, right now.

Call it hubris, or call it what you will, but I think I have Don Gregorio Negrete right where I want him.

Labels:


Comments:
All:

I have taken some liberties in my imagination with The Harlot's Tale. Really, it's the fault of the El Tal writing team. If they would have given us something on how Doris learned to drive men wild, I wouldn't have had to use my own sources.

As usual there are formatting issues. I think I am a formatting dolt on Blogger. My apologies.

I hope you enjoy The Harlot's Tale.

ElnaJune
 

EJ, this was so entertaining I almost don't want to watch the episode and find out all the delightful details that *didn't* actually happen -- but put me out of my misery: did Gag actually say Antonio "doesn't even look like his son"?
 

I didn't watch last night. I plan to check out this episode during futbol. Doris' tale is just brilliant! Thank you for filling in the gaps. :-)
 

Elna June...I couldn't remember who recapped Tuesday nights and I kept saying to myself "Who is this genius? Gawd, this is great!" Loved your imagined background on Doris and felt a little bereft when you turned to details of the actual episode. Because, as per your analysis of Pedro and Camila's conversation, This is so friggin' stupid!

Yes, el Tal is friggin'stupid but you recappers amaze me every week. This is literature, not a recap, and we are the happy recipients.

PS I think your recap posted twice but it's certainly worth a second read!
 

That was awesome EJ!

What a great idea to write a recap from one of the second line character's perspectives.
 

I just have to share this. Currently there is a group of students in my room. They are discussing avocados. I have no idea how they went from chemistry to avocados. I am fighting to contain my mirth.
 

EJ this is was a wonderful recap. You are right; the writers should have given us some sort of background for Doris. While yours is much to advanced for this bunch of scribes, they could have alluded to something. The recaps for the past few weeks only further demonstrate horrible TNs produce recap gold!
 

It's you, Sara. You are sending out subliminal avocado-vibes.
 

Top of the mornin' to ye

Blue Lass, yes, he really did say that. I laughed out loud for five minutes.

Sara, I am glad you enjoyed the recap. It was fun to imagine Doris' background. She is one sick cookie, just like the rest of the bunch at Alcatraz.

Audrey, so nice to hear your 'voice'. Thank you.

Judy B, one of the best writers we have ever had here on CC, thank you, thank you.

Karen,so great to hear from you! Thank you. I have a long OT email I have composing to you offline. Hopefully I will get it sent today.

Sara, I believe avocados have become part of the Talismaniacs collective consciousness . You made your students think of the yummy, greasy fruit. Hahaha!

I apologize to all for the double post. I cannot get the new and improved Blogger to let me edit!
 

I had avocados for breakfast. No, really. Not raisins, though -- I didn't want to put myself in a state.
 

Elna June, you have done it! You have brilliantly unmasked the Horis. And in doing so,you’ve done something I thought was impossible – you’ve made her interesting.

This is wonderful – so creative and funny. So many great lines and phrases!

“Learn a little Hindi, make friends ... “
“the Mumbai Dried Fruit and Spices Company” and “Negrete the Raisin King”
The day and night jobs, the aphrodisiacal raisin-avocado concoctions...
(BTW Blue Lass – glad to hear you’re not in a state. I think.)

But my favorite -- Doris’s reflections on Lucrecia:
“Honestly, I know this will sound unkind, but this makes me doubt if she is even a capitalist.”
 

I am still thinking about the recap. Doris' story is just so interesting. I wish I had half the imagination of this crew. Thank you again.
 

More AlcaTrashTalk and a few nice turns of phrase:

Doris warns the Pig about El Viral: Esa mujer es mala, suegro, no creo que le convenga. (That woman is bad news, f-in-law, I don’t think she’s good for you.)

Rita refers to El Viral as esa vieja which literally means “that old woman” but here it’s more “that bitch” (or “that old bitch”)

Camila refers to Lucrecia as una hipócrita

Pig refers to Antonio as a un pelele que no sirve para nada (a useless puppet, or more literally, a puppet who serves no purpose); as débil (weak), un miedoso (a scaredy-cat), and un bueno para nada (a good for nothing).

Lucrecia, nastily but unoriginally, refers to Camila as estúpida

Pig, alone in his jail cell, rails against maldita Lucrecia (damned L)

Gabriel refers to Pig as un desgraciado. (There are a lot of ways to translate this one but I think the most appropriate here is “swine”. It seems to roll off everyone’s tongue when the subject is the Pig.)

Cami, Geno and Sarita agree that Lu is mala y loca, evil and nuts

Not an insult but a phrase to savor:
un secreto a voces -- something “everybody” knows but no one acknowledges – like the fact that Panchito is a Pig Product.

Antonio rants that Panchito is un inútil (useless) un idiota and refers to him as ese índio, that “Indian”, a word he uses frequently for Pedro too.

A few more phrases to savor:

Hay que andarse con pie de plomo, nos guste o no. (Pedro strategizing with one Claudio: We have to go carefully, with caution, whether we like it or not. (Literally: We have to proceed with a lead foot!)

Doris to Antonio about her perceived rival, Camila, uses one of our favorite compounds:
Ni creas que esa quitamaridos se va a salir con la suya. (Don’t think that husband-stealer is going to get away with it/have her way.)

And finally, El Viral tells Armando she’s going to borrow Renato’s car so she can make a grand appearance at El Tal:
No pienso llegar como pordiosera (I don’t plan on coming there [looking] like a beggar. (from por Dios)
 

Elna June,

I haven't been able to watch this tn very often, but do get to read the recaps and comments on occasion. This one was a gem, funny, inventive, provocative, and lots more interesting than the substrate from which it arose.

I can't quite understand why a team of professional writers working during normal business hours have come up with such drivel, and yet our lovely recappers working alone in the wee hours of the morning produce such gems.

Is there an inverse proportion law regarding how much Spanish you learn and the crappiness of the script?

Thanks again EJ, and all the recappers.

David
 

Thank you for the vocabs NM! I can't wait to add them to my arsenal.
 

Dr. Elna Jung, thank you for a fascinating insight into the comehombres behind the mask. If only the show's writers had your imagination and love of detail.

So...Antonio keeps raging on about being el patrón and trashing Panchito about not being a Negrete and Gargoyle says Antonio doesn't seem like his son...is there a possibility that Antonio is not, in fact, Gag's son? It wouldn't surprise me if Lookrazy takes after their mama.

Army's Clark Kent disguise was hilarious. Does he think he's Superman?

Camila is a dolt, but I don't know why Pedro didn't tell her about the accusation and trial when he told her about Mariana. When oh when we that chica show up, on our screens at least if not at ElTal?
 

When WILL that chica show up...
 

I love this chapter! Finally the whore gets her proper respect. Makes me excited for the next chapter. Actually, I missed the first part of the show and I almost believed some of this until you got the part about college. College! Ha.


So I think I have the rhythm of this show figured out:

Camila and Pedro: I love yous!

Antonio and Lucrazy: I hate yous!

Crazy Evil Scheme.

Camila to Pedro: I hate you!

Pedro: Uh Doy.

Antonio&Lu: Smirk.

Camila: Now I'll use my brain and figure out this crazy evil scheme.

Camila to Pedro: I love you.

Pedro: Uh doy.

Antonio&Lu: Drat.

Repeat.

How long is this show because they are going to run out of crazy evil schemes pretty soon.


Speaking of crazy, are they setting up Lulu to pretend to be crazy? Or will she really go nuts and be roomies with Mariana in the funny farm? And do they grow avocados at the funny farm?

Kelly
 

EJ, I love this harlot's tale. Somehow you have suddenly made Doris the Horis a more interesting creature. (Well, not suddenly as I imagine it took some time to weave the tapestry of her background.)

"Sri Blowba Jobba and his wife Handa", bwahahaha! When I read that I almost spewed hot tea all over my laptop.

Well, the avocado doesn't fall far from the tree. Armani's disguise is about as brilliant as Mamamarmota's plots. Thank goodness F1 and F2 take after the Negrete side of the gene pool so at least he stands half a chance of success.

We speculated early on that Anthony is NOT really the spawn of Gagorio, and as the "plot" (I use the term loosely) progresses it appears that might be the case. Whether it is or not, I hate the way the Gagorio is playing Panchito. I have friends who have dealth with abandonment issues all their lives; it seems to be a deep problem that never goes away.

Anyhoo, Elna June, your are such a talented writer! I love how David phrased it so I will repeat: "I can't quite understand why a team of professional writers working during normal business hours have come up with such drivel, and yet our lovely recappers working alone in the wee hours of the morning produce such gems." And to that gem I can only add: "Ditto!!"
 

That would be dealt, not dealth. Sheesh.

EJ, just wanted to say that I found myself completely captivated by The Harlot's Tale as I read your recap. You do tell a good story.

Novela Maven, I love how you pulled out the great vocabulary. Pordiosera is wonderful, but so are all the others.
 

EJ as some of the characters in LHDM would say 'Buena esa!!'
Audrey, ITA with
What a great idea to write a recap from one of the second line character's perspectives.

and EJ, totally agree that Panchito and Pig conversation in the jail was the highlite surprise of the night, someone could have knocked me out with a feather as well.
 

Wow, EJ! What a masterpiece! Thank you. I loved hearing your take on Doris' voice. While I don't think she is really that intelligent or articulate, you sure are! EJ Bronte!

When I was first reading this I thought of lots of little jabs I could give Doris, like "of course you graduated with honors, sleeping with the professor", but you got to me believe. I have a You Go Girl feeling for Doris now.

Lines I loved:
-neither of those two has seen the bank statements of the other
-I have, perhaps fairly, been called somewhat lazy
-How could such a brutal, cruel and ugly man be the avocado and raisin king of Fresno?
-Sri Blowba Jobba and his wife Handa in his Kharjeraho Academy
-selling like tortillas in China
-Antonio and Pedro circle on antoher and sniff butts

But my favorite is the same as NM's:
-This makes me doubt if she is even a capitalist. lol lol lol

Thoughts from the show:
Elvira was looking out a window that is not transparent in her bedroom.
If Armani needs more of a disguise, I know where he can get a cat costume
As much as EJ has gotten me to now root for Doris, I just don't see what she wants with BOTH Antonio AND Pig. Doris, listen up... 2 Negretes do not equal 1 JFK, Jr.

Sara - I think your students are perhaps going to use avocados with their chemistry to try to replicate Doris' aphrodisiac potion. Do they know the secret ingredient is raisins?

Continuing our rants about the blog site itself from last night... has anyone else been getting the message "are you sure you want to navigate from this page" everytime they hit refresh?


Thanks again, EJ!

Rosemary la Otra
 

On the subject of abandonment, I have a friend who has the most needy cat I've ever seen. The cat has a hard time letting my friend visit with others. He needs ALL the attention. My friend embarrassedly explained that "Joey" had been taken to the shelter at 3 weeks old after his mother had been run over. This cat is now 13 and STILL dealing with abandonment issues!
 

Kelly, I love your generic dialog. I Can we just insert it into every recap, add a couple of insults, and be good to go?

Yeah, I think Lucrazy is being set up both to pretend to go mad and then actually go mad. But time will tell. The "writers" have actually come up with a few surprises lately -- they didn't make any sense, of course, but at least they weren't predictable.
 

R la O, funny story about Joey the cat. It is kind of like something that happened this weekend. I was about to do a little sailboat race on Saturday when I saw a friend on the dock and asked if she wanted to jump on as crew. She said she'd love to but she just rescued a very needy and insecure cat and until he got more confident she was taking him everywhere with her in his cat carrier. I told her that kitty was invited too, so we stowed him down below and raced the boat. He was pretty quiet and content unless the boat really heeled over (it was quite windy), and then we could hear him loudly meowing. Hennessey the cat didn't hold it against us though, because afterward when we let him out of the carrier he was quite content to walk all over the small boat and sit in our laps. I think Hennessey will probably get over his abandonment issues faster than Joey.
 

Julia:
I would wear the t-shirt—"Where is Mariana?". It is the only thing that interests me about the 'plot'.

Novela Maven: I loved your list. I am so glad someone is paying attention to the Spanish to be learned in episodes that I recap. I am not paying attention because I am so BORED by what is happening on-screen. Kelly captured the rhythm of ElTal perfectly in her comment.

I am glad several of you liked my favorite line, Doris'horrifying thought that Sister Lucrezia might not be a capitalist. It was the meanest thing she could think to say about Lucrezia. Hahahahaha.

David, so nice to see you and hear from you. Thanks for your kind words.
I don't know about the inverse law of TN crappiness and Spanish Learning; so I am putting this out to the Cap'n, Novela Maven, Marta, UA and others who have been recapping for many years—what do you all think?

Thanks, Marta,for your kind words. Could you believe it? They actually surprised me with the whole 'Arrest the Pig, Out the Son' plot development! Panchito just became an important player in one five minute scene.

Like you Cap'n, I thought the Pig's using of Panchito was cruel and ugly. Doris might be snide about him, but Panchito's neediness makes me very sad.

I am always so gratified by your kind words Sylvia. Thank you for the storyteller compliment, from you (and Will!) it means so much. Glad you loved the names of the Indian Tantric Sex Guru and his wife. LOL.

R la O:

I never really intended to make people root for Doris, by I think that is an unintended by-product of storytelling and empathy. When we learn the stories of others, we can imagine ourselves, just a little, in their shoes.

I think Doris (as I wrote her) is a pretty tragic figure. She is completely unloved and is not able to place any value on her relationships with people. I didn't give it a lot of time but it came into my mind that Doris had a severe attachment disorder, probably hereditary by exacerbated by adolescent trauma, to which I alluded.

Sadly, I think she is on the same runaway train to hell as the rest of the Negretes. You just know that as much as she thinks she has the world on a string, she is a spare girl in the Telenovela world and that leads nowhere good.

Hubris, or anvil alert for Doris.

EJ
 

Sylvia:

I loved the story of Hennessey the Cat! I think he may always be a bit needy by not as traumatized as poor Joey. Your friend was so wise to bring him along on your magic boat for a race.

EJ
 

I think we need to start a sailing camp for cats with abandonment issues. "Kats" with issues could go along and, whoops, get dumped overboard.
 

Brilliant idea Julia. I'll even volunteer the boat and I know a couple of ways to "accidentally" dump a KAT overboard when they least expect it. Sweet kitties, on the other hand, have no reason to fear for their nine lives.
 

Elna June, this is great and you couldn't have presented it at a better time for me as I sit here fretting about a trip to the dentist this afternoon. Maybe as he's grinding away I'll fantasize about the fleshed-out Doris/Cathy.

So donG is just one big softy? Who knew? From what we've seen of Pancho so far, he certainly has reason to be very proud.

I'm actually a bit disappointed in Pancho... he was such a treat as Jaime in Dinero... here the best he can do is pick his nose?

Carlos
 

WOW! What can I say! EJ, I would not have believed it. You did some great research on Doris' background. What a dame!

She is a real person, a Renaissance Woman, not someone who slinks around slightly ajar doors, fiddles with FIL, is Queen of the Night over at The Best Little Who-house in Fresno and tries to touch Anthony all the time (she should know better by now).

Note to Lucrezia: Missy, you are no Vanessa Arismendi and you, Mr. Ibarra are no Daniel, even if you are using the same hospital room. Gee, I hope they changed the sheets before admitting you.

Where did our smart little agronomy engineer park her beanie? I'm with you, Kelly, I think that's what the writers have pinned to their storyboards. Make that at least 20 times more before the boda?

I'll get busy and order some Where is Mariana t-shirts from Doris' contacts in Taiwan. If that doesn't work, I'll try Hong Kong or Malaysia--she's probably dealt with executives from all over Asia. Do we want it in white letters on black shirt or the other way around?

I really think Armi needs one of our T-shirts to really stand out from the rest of the crowd. BTW are there any phone booths left in Fresno for him to do a quick change? Wasn't Marmota sweet to offer to get him a car - after she taps into Ren's bank account--so Armi won't feel so worthless and insignificant next to Les Girls.

Basta--I'm grinding my teeth again.

EJ--A major piece of excellent writing. It could stand as a non-fiction essay all by itself. Congratulations, loved it.
Anita
 

HaHa Carlos--didn't see your comment until after I posted. That's what they did to me yesterday. Soft diet for 24 hours and still don't feel like chewing.
Anita
 

Hi, Carlos:

Fantasize away while in the dentist's chair. Nitrous anyone?

I believe Pancho has hidden depths. At least the actor playing him does...
EJ
 

Julia and Sylvia... now i am picturing the main cast (the 'Taz, ElTal and Najera family + Panchito and Tracy) all in a white river rafting competition... three boats... and where anything goes, insults, lies, offenses, mocking, even jousting with the paddles... (no, no puncturing the rafts, Antonio, that is roots for disqualification) THAT would be a fun show to watch.
 

Julia, sailing camp for cats! Lol now there's a venture even Doris would invest in.
 

Sara: in chemistry class, any mention of Avogadro's number always made me think of avocados. Maybe that was it.

So if "everyone" knows Panchito is Gaggy's son, does Antonio know? He's always sneering at Panchito for being less than, but is that because he doesn't know, or he does know and he's needling him about being illegitimate and unclaimed?

Did anyone else get a kick out of Sarita's Daisy-Duke-ish farmgirl outfit?
 

Aha! Julia, that was it!!

NovelaMavenM-Choose to believe this story or not. Yesterday I received my delivery of Laurousse's Dictionay of Spanish Sinónimos y Antónimos in the mail. This morning I opened it and the first word that jumped out at me was pelele. Psychic connection?
 

A true story from the educational trenches (what must you all think of my class/my teaching/ my students? lol.)

Anyhoo...as I taught my little heart out today there was a pause: One of those silences perfect for that one person to say something embarrassing/stupid. In this case is was "She a homewrecker[sic]" Yes, I did take the time to teach the word quitamaridos.
 

The question is does Antonio know that Panchito is the pig's bastard son. I thing he does know or at least has heard the rumor and believes it might be true. He makes a lot of wisecracks to Panchito about being a wannabe and acting like he thinks he's above his station.

Sara, if you were teaching Spanish in my local adult ed I would definitely be in your class!
 

Sara, yesterday I cautioned my students not to say they'd had a lot of "aventuras" over spring break. :)
 

Bahahaha! I will have to give my students the same advice. Sadly I've taught at some schools were they really would have "aventuras". Sad but true.
 

Lovely, Elna Jung! Pretty unique that Doris' world view is a combo of Tom Peters and Kraft-Ebing.

The scene in the carcel w/ Gregorio and Panchito was curiously touching. Gregorio works for his next degree of Cinico, while strains of Frank Zappa's "Idiot Bastard Son" play softly in the background.
 

Elna June, this is epically awesome. Thanks for getting into Doris' head and letting her entertain us. Man, was I rolling in my chair LOL!

Lulu meets with her doctor who tells her she was lucky she did not have serious head injuries—or none that have shown up YET. Lulu thanks the doctor for giving her an idea and tells Antonio she has a new plan. Holy CRAPola, ahahaha

And now to read comments...

(I love futbol but NOT during designated telenovela hours. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
 

Thanks muchly for the vocabulary, NovelaMaven. Thumbs up!
 

Aww, kitties with issues... <3 There are plenty of those, bless them...
 

While I wait for LQNPA I am working on my vocab list and I have a question.

Quitamaridos... masc. sing? fem. sing?

And oh be still my heart! While leafing (hojear) through my RAE Manual of Spanish Grammar (I am a dork) looking for the answer I got distracted by 14 glorious pages dedicated to compounds Shaky chihuahua excited does not begin to cover it...
 

Shake that chihuahua in our direction, girl. We need to be entertained.
 

I'm sort of toying with the idea of either posting a longish comment here or writing an official blog post. These compounds are fascinating. I really need help I think. Reading a Spanish grammar manual with my morning Joe has got to mean I'm a little off my rocker lol.

Speaking of which- I watched Tuesday 's ep last night. Loo is definitely looking like she's going to act crazy.

New drinking game: every time Camila says "que" take a shot. We'd be blotto in no time. Lol
 

We might be drunk even faster if we took a shot every time Pedro says, "Déjame explicar." If someone accused you in front of your sweetie of killing your own wife, don't you think your first words would be, "I didn't do it" -- not "I can explain"???

Oops. My beanie fell off while I was sleeping.
 

If someone accused you in front of your sweetie of killing your own wife, don't you think your first words would be, "I didn't do it" -- not "I can explain"???
----
Haha! True. I hope the entire series is not just an endless string of Loo/Antonio shenanigans. That will start to get Boris and Natasha after a while and I can only take so much. I'm hoping Mariana will show up soon. That would be a more interesting turn of events, but I am disturbed by the current lack of opening credits. Did Karyme bail and was there a recast? Am I making sense?
 

¡Hola Sara!

Verb+noun compounds are masculine, regardless of the gender of the noun. Their singular and plural forms are identical: el cumpleaños, los cumpleaños.

As for nouns like "quitamaridos" which obviously refer to a woman -- okay, usually -- I think they are treated like "modelo". That is, they aren't inflected with feminine endings but are used with feminine articles and pronouns when it's clear the subject is a woman:

"La modelo, Heidi Klum, ... "

So I think you'd say:

"esa maldita quitamaridos de quinta ..." por ejemplo.

You and la chica azul probably already know this, but just in case --

If you want a thrilling read, get yourselves a copy of "A New Reference Grammar of Modern Spanish: 4th edition" by John Butt (no, seriously, that's his name) and Carmen Benjamin.

It straddles the descriptive and prescriptive grammar fence. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll bore the crap out of all but your fellow obsessives.

And it's not that expensive (available in paperback.) Might be a newer edition but the one I have -- 2004 -- is to die for.

[NM is wagging tail furiously. Mr. M has already left for work so no need to explain suspicious pool of saliva on floor.]
 

*Sara runs off to look for grammar book on amazon*

Thanks for the info on quitamaridos!
 

Thank you for your recap. Not watching this - well maybe 5 minutes here and there when I'm changing the channel. But he said he had his daughters when he was 14, so was she 14 also? Sorry if this was explained already, can't seem to find it.
 

Nellie, she is older in real life, but her age was not referred to on the show.

**Blue Lass runs off to look up grammar book on Amazon**
 

Good Day to you marvelous teachers of Spanish grammar:

I loved the grammar-goddess postings by Sara, Novela Maven and Blue Lass. I hope you post here. I learn so much from your interactions, having only intermediate Spanish myself. Compounds always amuse.

I have a(nother)short rant about El Tal...I know you are shocked. You all know how I LOVE this TN.

El Tal is challenging to recap in a "straight" manner:

1. Crappy writing means no story arc to follow;
2. Crappy editing means that what stories there are jump incessantly back and forth with few and poorly done transitions.

First, no story. When I finished my notes from watching ElTal Tuesday night, I re-read them. They were nonsensical. Actually, they looked exactly like Kelly's comment of yesterday. By the time I arranged the story in a somewhat logical fashion, I had invented a plot and re-imagined the whole bloody thing.

Second, the editing was atrocious. I think the film editor called in sick for this epi, because the second half was so choppy we careened between scenes with no transitions.

I know there are some who prefer that the recapping stay closer to the storyline than I did on this recap. Fair enough. I will happily do that when the writers give me something more to work with. Big grin.

Elna June
 

Mike:

O my! Death by a thousand cuts! Kraft-Ebbing and Tom Peters as my inspiration??? You are absolutely killing me.

ROTFL.

EJ
 

EJ- I loved your recap. I think as a recapper one must make an executive decision: write (somewhat) well or follow the chronology of the show as aired. For clarity ( and sometimes for the sake of snark) one has to choose. Hopefully the gentle readers will not hold this against the recapper.
 

While we're waiting, here is another issue of the Freesnow Underground Gazette. In keeping with the Telenovela, there is no story Arc, and it jumps around.

FREESNOW UNDERGROUND GAZETTE
Vol. 1, No. 2 (Part 1)

NEW STUFF AT TAL*MART
Custom-designed costume for Mardi Gras—Super Pie Day T-shirt and matching tights. (Or maybe an iron-on Super π patch for one of Permasmirks leotard-like shirts)

New Shipment of assorted T-Shirts

I Heart the ending credits

I Heart Glitter Hooker Masks

I Heart Hanging Avocados

I Heart Tal*Mart (reverse says Sponsored by the Freesnow Underground Gazette)

ET--STOP filming and GO HOME (complete with ripped out neckline)

OBEY THE BELT BUCKLE

Speak to the Tiara

Super Pie Day shirts left-over from the Fresno Fourth of July Pie Day Festival. Come in XXL, in three bold colors, apple red, orange orange, and avocado green.

I Heart Genoveva

BRING BACK MARIANA

Talismaniacs United

O.M.G.! I Heart Tracy

Where in the World is Mariana (with little green avocado-like footsteps going around and around the shirt)

New Item, by special request—“I Heart Tal*Mart” Bumper Stickers—come in attractive white with avocado green lettering

Neck-belt thingie to hide hickeys and matching, wide, droopy belt

El Talepathist Maruja presents her El Tal*Tarot Cards, featuring Western Wear imagery and plump avocado symbolism. A Masquerade edition will be on special for Mardis Gras.

Rabbi Jacob Sacerdote and his magical tallis -- (And great opportunity for product placement -- Tal*Mart will be hard-pressed to keep up with the demand for its line of Judaica) -- Whole new meaning for Talis-man, no?

Glad to see you browsing in the WordNerd Department of Tal*Mart. It's going through a rapid growth phase right now so be patient if some Nerdería is out of stock. Sara and Blue Lass can't fill the shelves fast enough to meet the demand! Yes, we must offer a compound words only dictionary at Tal*Mart. I would buy it today. Me too -- but it would have to be an electronic edition so it could be updated in real time.

NEW AT THE ONLY TATOO PARLOR IN FRESNO
Permasmirks—New process, it lasts through 12 showers, then needs to be reapplied

THE ONLY HOLY MONASTERIO IN FRESNO
Announces that the Revolving Descalzado Brothers are going to bake raisin bread and sell it at the Fresno area Tal*Marts. The Order lists the following brothers-in-waiting to bake.

René Casados (has that honest, kindly look)

Cesar Evora (he has an ugly cry, will do well if they decide to bake onion bread)

The padre that was in Pura Sangre, friend of Eduardo and his mom

Arturo Peniche (Padre Juan Cristobal in ENDA, before his elevation to Bishop in CME)

Jorge da Silva as the priest

Diego Olivera as the priest (Or "Padre Hottie" as he was known at TDA who became a father before he became a Father)

Tio Meno from Tontas as the priest

René Gatica (Padre Pedro from Montecristo)

Beto Ochoa (from Gancho) had a brief stint in a monastery.

Ricardo Margaleff should join

Padre Severino (from CME)

But NOT Richard Chamberlain—Do we know if he speaks Spanish? Besides, he’s too blonde

Watch for Part 2, to be delivered later.
Anita, main editor
 

I heart new issues of FUG! Publishing the news I NEED to know...like where to hang out...the monastery, obvio!

Last night I was wondering how F&F got to be religious enough that they would take their cars to the priest to be blessed, but then I realized they'd probably seen those monks and priests around town. And then they thought "Church? A way to get out of the house on the weekends when all the adults in the family are recovering from their hangovers and whorehouse cooties? I'm in."
 

Oooo girls let's put on our cat suits and sneak into that monastery PRONTO.
 

I mean to say, "Oooo my fellow sobornamonjes, let's..."
 

Arturo Peniche was in CME? Crud. I hate I missed that. Oneore reason to kick myself for not watching.

Yeah. I'm kind of slow.
 

He was only in a few episodes, and he played the same character he played in ENDA, now promoted to bishop and living in D.F. He even talked about his daughter, the heroine from ENDA.

Did you see Niña de Mi Corazón? Arturo Peniche was in that. I thought it was a good show.
 

Rosemary thinks it is funny that Sara, Blue Lass and NM refer to themselves in 3rd person.

Rosemary is also loving the new issue of FUG.
 

Um Julia, do I need to wait to get home to figure out what your new picture is? Hard to tell from my phone. A Kat?
 

It's a parasail with a happy face print. I took the picture at a beach in the Dominican Republic.
 

Oh! A happy face parasail! Cute! I thought it was a Kat Kookie in honor of our Kat theme. Lol
 

Sara is preparing her master work on compounds and has stumbled upon the word for "unibrow". Cue the jittery chihuahua. More later.
 

Wheee, I thought I hated to shop but I luvs me some FUG online browsing. I'm going to order at least one each of Obey the Belt Buckle and Speak to the Tiara. For the O.M.G.! I Heart Tracy t-shirt, does it say "Of course my horse" on the back? Great list Anita. Richard Chamberlain indeed!

Sara, Unibrow was our nickname for Gagorio way back when he was in Barrera de Amor, a telenovela which was actually worse than this one if you can believe it. He played the galan, bwahahaha! I kid you not. I think he is tweezing now but he's still a unibrow.
 

Sara is chomping at the bit to go home and get to her computer to share round one of her list of compounds.

Sara would like to place an order for a Talk to the Tiara T-shirt. :)
 

PS: Cap'n , I call Miguel on LQNPA "Unibrow". Although recently I've begun calling him "DrunkMigui"
 

I just out DrunkMigui. He totally embraces and revels in the unibrow! Can't wait to see your list Profa.
 

Oops, meant to say I CHECKED out DrunkMigui. I didn't actually out drink DrunkMigui; it's still a little early for me and I have a meeting this afternoon.
 

I will try to be brief. I spent most of my planning period wading through explanations about syntagmatic compounds, proper comopounds and idioms and trolling the RAE online dictionary. I've got quite a list going, but today I will just give you some related to the body and its parts. Sorry if some of these words are repeats.

The head and its vicinity

cabeciduro pig-headed; stubborn

cabizbajo downcast, crest-fallen

cejijunto: unibrow (squee!

cuellilargo: long necked

lengüicorto(-a): reserved; shy of speaking

mondaoídos: I looked this up on the RAE online dictionary and discovered it was not registered, but mondaorejas was. The definition was a small spoon (cucharilla) for cleaning the ears. Ew.

pelicorto: short-haired

The Extremities
el cortáuñas:nail-clippers

maniatar: to tie up the hands (verb)

manirroto(-a): extravagant; generous; open-handed

patitieso(-a): (lit frozen foot) gobsmacked

perniquebrar: to break a leg (or both)

piernitendido(-a): legs extended

el quitaesmalte: nail polish remover
 

I guess I should say that I cannot comment on the current usage of these words.
 

Loving la lista, Sara!

I have a mondaoidos (ear spoon) story.

My Jr high bf was a darling Japanese guy. He went with his dad to the Obon Festival, and bought he and I ear cleaning spoons! How romantic. He said they feel so good, and it had a puff on the other end for not as deep cleaning. He called it a Mimikudi (sp?).

I kept mine for years, unused, along with the Buddhist beads... Was that called an Ojuzo?... That he gave me when I had mono, which he also probably gave me. Lol
 

After googling I see that my bf from 35 years ago misspoke. They are Mimikaki and Juzu. Well, he was Sansei.
 

One OBEY THE BELT BUCKLE, please, with dangling avocados on the back.

Ordered "A New Reference Grammar of Modern Spanish: 4th edition" from interlibrary loan. Can't wait.

I can't believe we now have cejijunto in our quivers! Qué maravilla!
 

Anita,

Thanks for another brilliant issue of the FUG. Now there's a journal with heart...s. Lots and lots of hearts. Maybe the FUG should have its own page so it doesn't get lost in the stream ...

Sara,

Mondaoídos -- intriguing and disgusting (kind of like El Tal, now that I think of it).

"Mondar" is a new one on me. I looked it up and found that its primary meaning is "to peel" (fruit rinds, potato skin, tree bark).

"To clean" is a secondary meaning.

"Mondarse los dientes" means to pick one's teeth.

"Mondarse de risa" means to die laughing.

"mondar a alguien" can mean to beat someone up (give them a hiding, a tanning, I guess), at least in Latin America. (However I have begun to suspect that in the New World any transitive verb, however innocent it appears on the surface, can mean 1. to beat up on; or 2. to boink.)
 

(However I have begun to suspect that in the New World any transitive verb, however innocent it appears on the surface, can mean 1. to beat up on; or 2. to boink.
----
That's hilarious. I really wish I had even a tad of your wit.
 

Elna Jung, perhaps I should have said Carl Icahn and von Sacher-Masoch instead. Your recap did have a sort of "Venus in Avocados" motif.

Anita, I copied/pasted your inventory list to La Plaza de Carary.

Julia, a parasail! What else could it be? (Well, maybe a hot air balloon... Or a cookie...)
 

Blue Lass- we have to be study buddies. When I said I was looking up the book on amazon that was code for buying the book. I didn't want anyone to think I hung on every NovelaMaven utterance and got something just cause she recommended it. That would be creepy. So I just said I was looking it up. Aren't I clever?

Oh wait...
 

Awwww, Sara. YOU are the funny one. (I'm the cute one.)

[NovelaMaven snorts in a decidedly unladylike fashion.]

Ya no más. So now when you hate the book, I'm gonna feel guilty. Too much responsibility. Arghhh!

Mike,
What's "the Plaza de Caray"?
 

NM--In case Mike has gone to bed, La Plaza de Caray is "OUR" meeting place on Google +. We started it as Cuando Me Enamoro was ending--we just wanted to keep the feeling going.

We added recipes, YouTube clips of interviews with Silvia Navarro and others with Juan Soler.

I think the last time Mike added anything was when we collected all the disgusting things we said about El Tal, all in the first couple of weeks.

Check it out. There may not be much left. It seems Google+ "disappears" things after awhile, just like Poor Mariana.
Anita
 

Anita,

Thank you! I'll poke around and see if I can find La Plaza. (I might not, even if it's there -- my sense of direction is pésima!)
 





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