Caray, Caray!

Alt title: Snake Bites Snake

Danilo is getting nervous, because BunMan's phone has been disconnected, and Marcelino's going to want his money soon. Horacio says it's time for Plan B, but Danilo protests that he never even had a Plan A. Then Dani comes up with a plan right on the spot: since El Dorado isn't watching, Dani will just take on more clients and he'll get the money that way. (There's a flaw in his logic, but I won't be a buzzkill.) Horacio says that more clients means more problems.

Genesis interrupts Danilo and Horacio's meeting to tell them that Soto died overnight. Danilo shoots a disbelieving look at Horacio, who replies with an ever-so-slight headshake.

Ryan calls Laura, who has apparently finished her cigarette over the weekend. Ryan is worried about her, and Chayo is beside herself. Laura reminds Ryan that scaring Chayo could put her health at risk, but Chayo was apparently just as scared when she didn't know what Laura was up to. Chayo doesn't approve of what Laura's doing. Laura's disappointed that Chayo isn't supporting her, knowing all that Laura's been through. Chayo yells some more until Laura hangs up.

Then Chayo argues with Ryan. Apparently, although it's okay for Chayo to disapprove of Laura's reckless behavior, it's not okay with Chayo if Ryan disapproves too! Seriously, I just got whiplash. She says that they have to have faith that when Laura cools off, she'll think with her head.

At school, Maria says that Tadeo thinks she's a slut. Kim says that Tad is a "drama queen," and she is under the impression that Maria had sex with Mark. Kim thinks this is a great achievement, because everyone wants to have sex with Mark. (Something tells me it's not that difficult to get in his pants.) Maria doesn't contradict Kim. Kim wants deets. She yells down to Mark, who is playing basketball, but he ignores them. Kim asks, is he ignoring you because you had sex with him, or because you didn't?

Maria admits that she didn't have sex with Mark, and if he won't talk to her now, oh well, some other time. Kim says no, he won't be back. Maria will have to approach him and show him that she's horny! That's the only way to be, around here. Kim will help her.

Fausto and La Toña are looking tired, but still fairly fresh in the back of that truck. They should be red-faced and panting. Fausto begs for water. Toña says they'll die, and Laura will rot in prison. Laura goes back there with, I can't tell what, something wrapped in foil? and something yellow, like a lemon? She says that's all there is. Toña won't eat it, though Fausto doesn't hesitate to dig in. Laura says that Toña forced her to live on only water, and Laura had to eat bugs to survive. Otherwise, she'd have ended up like that other girl she was with, who died right in front of her. So Toña can eat that stuff or die, it's up to her.

Fausto asks why Laura is doing this to him. He never starved her! (I want someone to kick him in the head.) Laura says she trusted him, and he took her into hell. Laura slams the door and locks it. Then Toña starts making pathetic sounds, and Fausto cries that she's dying. Laura looks at her gun, walks to the back of the van in slow motion, turns the key...

Milton asks about Soto at Furia. Genesis says he had a heart attack and had been sick lately. Milton thought he looked fine the other day. Danilo and Horacio see Milton and go on the offensive. Milton makes himself out to be a mild-mannered showbiz reporter. Genesis says that La Regia gave him permission to do a story on her. Milton agrees and says he was researching the ban on her song. Danilo says La Regia isn't here. She's dealing with a problem. Milton surmises that it must be a personal problem. Danilo says that La Regia and her daughter (who nobody mentioned!) are fine. He takes away Milton's visitor badge and kicks him out.

Ryan and Steve try to figure out what to do. Steve mentions that he's in trouble (presumably with Genesis), but declines to go into details just now. Steve has a friend who should be able to find the location of Laura's phone, even with the GPS turned off, by identifying the nearest cell towers.

Laura is just about to open up the van when she sees a rattlesnake. She says she'll open the door slowly, and I think she wants to say more, but Fausto pops out and tries to attack her. Laura jumps out of the way, and the snake gets to him first. Toña doesn't see this, though, and yells for him to kill Laura. Laura notes that Toña looks pretty good for someone who was just in the clutches of death. (Is it really so shocking that La Toña lied?) Laura guides them both back into the van at gunpoint and tells Fausto to use his belt to slow the venom.

Then she gives the rattlesnake a hug and a kiss and takes him to the vet to make sure that Fausto's blood doesn't make him sick. Not really. But she does look at the snake like it just saved her life.

Tadeo runs into Danilo and Horacio. Apparently, Tad made such a good impression at Morgana's show that they're going to give him a contract this week. Tadeo walks away, grateful. Horacio observes to Danilo that the young'uns are the most profitable because they'll work for peanuts.

In the van, Laura remembers the early days with Fausto, when he charmed her naive young self and said he couldn't wait for her to meet Ozzy (Ociel). He promises they'll travel the world; Laura's aunt doesn't trust him; Fausto promises they'll come back to visit Auntie at least once a month; next thing she knows, Laura's at the brothel and Blake is drooling over the new butterfly.

In Laura's flashback, people point and laugh at her. Fausto blocks the exit and pours booze down her throat. Then time passes in a flash; Laura is locked in a room, holding a baby in one hand and a gun in the other as Blake bangs on the door and tells her to open up. "You said you'd do anything for her." "Whatever you ask," Laura replies. "Even your own life?" he asks.

Now Laura is crossing the desert with Paloma in her flashback. (Is someone else with them?) And then watching Ryan hand Paloma over to the social worker.

Ryan calls. She doesn't want to talk to him, but she lets him gab about their happy future for a while as Steve's friend hurries to locate her phone. But Fausto's and Toña's screams start getting on her nerves, and she hangs up on Ryan.

Luisa informs Blake that Isidro appears to have returned to Mexico without Paloma, so Paloma will soon be put up for adoption. Blake says that could take up to two years. He wants to be sure that his lawyers are on it.

Joe and Mercy go to the social worker to ask if they can take Paloma home. It will be less traumatizing for her. The social worker agrees and says that Isidro appears to have gone back to Mexico, and his phone is disconnected. She mentions that there was another candidate who was interested in Paloma, but Mercy was the better choice. But, she reminds Mercy, this arrangement is only temporary; and they need to keep her away from her "mother" (I'm surprised they're referring to Laura that way) and Chayo.

Someone opens the door, and Paloma runs in to greet Mercy as "Abuelita."

Toña reports that Fausto's leg is turning black. I'm thinking they're lucky Laura didn't throw the snake in there with them. Fausto begs to be taken to a hospital. He tells Laura that her passport is in the glove box. He says Laura's not an evil person and remembers when she lived with her aunt Hermione. (Hermania? Hernia?) Yeah, he shouldn't have mentioned Auntie, because that really pisses Laura off. Thanks to Fausto, Aunt H. died thinking Laura was an awful person.

Fausto says that's not true. Aunt H knew he was no good; she even reported him to the police. She was sick, which made it easier to get rid of her; he swears she died peacefully. Laura points the gun at the back door of the van.

Steve's friend wasn't able to pinpoint Laura, but he did manage to identify the general area. Ryan takes off to look for her.

BunMan looks at the grill marks on his left hand. Talisman asks what the "patrón" said. BunMan says he doesn't like them being unable to move, but they have to sit tight. Talisman says they caught another one of our guys - that's the third one. BunMan isn't worried that the guy will talk, but he is worried about Danilo. They don't know what he might do. Talisman says that if they don't give Danilo the money he needs (to cover what Tomas stole), Marcelino will kill Danilo. BunMan is down with that. He wants to keep an eye on Furia, too.

At Mercy's house, Paloma is told that she can't see her mother or Chayo yet. Joe says this is a grownup matter and he doesn't even understand it himself. Rita comes in with the mail, including a magazine with Mercy's interview about Don Chayo (remember him?).

Mercy takes Paloma to the kitchen for breakfast, and Joe looks at the magazine. Rita points out a photo of Mercy when she was much younger, alongside Don Chayo and another man who Rita saw in another photo before, but when Mercy saw it she got upset. (Rita doesn't want Joe to mention it to Mercy, though I'm thinking Mercy's going to notice when she sees the article!)

Joe sits down with the magazine and looks at the photo, which is awkwardly Photoshopped to show Young Mercy, Young Don Chayo, and Young Pedro Carrillo together. (We know it's Pedro because Joe says "Pedro Carrillo" aloud.)

Laura has returned to the front of the van. She tells Ryan on the phone that she's made a decision. Since she can't have Paloma, she has nothing to lose. She hangs up. Then Mercy calls Ryan to tell him that Paloma is with them and they're going to arrange the adoption. Ryan calls Laura back, but gets the buzón. Then Steve calls to say that Laura (or her phone) is heading back to LA.

Laura abandons the van in an empty parking lot at a hospital (there's no such thing as an empty parking lot at a hospital), leaving the driver's door open and the key on the bumper. Fausto and Toña are still howling. Laura goes to a police station and says there's an abandoned van at the hospital with people trapped inside. She's turning herself in. She's been living a double life with a false identity, her real name is Laura Oviedo, and she killed a man three years ago. And no, she's not joking.

The cop gets flustered and calls for a doctor. He thinks she's having a nervous breakdown, but she shows him her passport and says those people in the van are in danger. The cop warns that he'll have to arrest her. "I'm turning myself in to pay for my crimes," she affirms. She's sure. "Arrest me," she pleads.

At school, Maria flings herself at Mark while he's on his way to anatomy class. She invites him to study her anatomy instead. He gets right to it - in the restroom, while everyone else is in class. That's how every girl dreams about her first time!

He must be faster than a speeding bullet. Afterwards, he kind of slams her against the lockers, kisses her, and says "we'll have to do this again" and she's like "see you later, Mark" as he rushes off to class. Kim comes around the corner and for a second, I think she looks like that girl from Beverly Hills 90210. She wants to hear all about it, but how much can there be to tell? (Has anyone seen the Mexican version of this? I feel like something is missing. But then, I think Maria feels the same way.) Maria isn't happy. Kim is impatient.

The police open up the van. La Toña gets out quickly and isn't wobbly on her feet at all, but Fausto has to be carried to the ambulance. (That's not how they do it... there should be a stretcher... where's my beanie....) Ryan sees the ruckus and asks what's happening. The police tell him to move along, nothing to see here.

On the phone, Danilo tells Marcelino that he's got the money, but he'd like a couple more days so that he can run it through another spin cycle or something. Marcelino agrees, but hangs up on him. Horacio is nervous about BunMan. Danilo coke-ily informs Horacio that he, the new El Dorado, is much badder than the previous one.

On her break at the coffee shop, Genesis bumps into BunMan - bodily. (He has cleverly disguised himself with a pair of eyeglasses, a la Clark Kent, but still has the bun.) He flirts with her a little, and she seems to find him charming.

They sit down together for coffee and he "finds out" that she works nearby at Furia. He takes off his glasses and says he's a writer, and he bets that place is full of stories, plus it would be an excuse to see her. She says she just ended a relationship and isn't ready for another one yet. He thinks that's quite the coincidence, because he's in the same position, and what are the odds that they'd bump into one another? What are the odds, indeed.

Genesis goes back to work just in time to answer a call from the LAPD reporting that they've arrested La Regia. Danilo, who is patrolling the lobby as usual, overhears. Genesis hangs up and tells him everything that Laura confessed to the police earlier, which is funny because she wasn't on the phone long enough to hear all of that. Danilo takes off. Genesis calls Ryan and tells him what's happening.

Maria is still recovering in the hallway at school when Leticia calls. Maria feels like she's getting busted, but Leticia just wants to know what Maria's been up to. ("Mary - " Kim starts, but Maria shushes her and runs outside.) Leticia says she's wrapping things up and will be home tomorrow.

While Paloma drinks some OJ, Mercy takes Joe aside to tell him that Ryan, Laura, and Chayo need to know that they can't be seen coming near Paloma. (Joe already knows this, and so do we.) If CPS catches them with her, they could take her away. Joe says that Paloma is in good hands here, because Mercy is such an honorable woman. (Like that time she hired Rita's boyfriend to steal a bundle of cash from Laura on her first day at Furia.) (Or the time she fired Rita for not asking her boyfriend to do some other dirty deed to harm Danilo.) (Or the time she cheated on her husband with her husband's married friend.)

Joe mentions the four-page article about her and Don Chayo. She notices that he's giving her a lot of compliments. Then he asks if there was ever someone who didn't quite fit among all her other respectable friends. She is mystified by the question. Joe says that this would be a bad time for a secret to come out, when she's trying to adopt Paloma. Then he gets a phone call, apparently from Ryan.

Blake is angry that he didn't get Paloma. Luisa tells him he can pull some strings. He gloats that when he gets Paloma, he will change her name to "Brittany," his own daughter's name, and see how Laura likes that. She'll be sorry for ruining his life! (His life seems pretty cushy to me, aside from the blindness. I'd love to have a killing machine as a personal assistant.) Luisa's face is inscrutable as always.

Ryan and Joe go to the police station to see Laura. Danilo shows up a moment later. They argue over who will get to see Laura first. Joe is going to try to get her out on bail.

Chayo is visiting with Paloma... so much for worrying about getting caught by CPS. Paloma wants Chayo and Mommy to be with her forever.

Mercy tells Genesis on the phone to send flowers to Soto's wife. Paloma is playing happily by herself. Chayo thinks she should leave, but Mercy says she should stay a little longer because she might not get to see Paloma again for a while. Chayo promises to be very discreet. Then she tells Mercy that Ryan told her that Laura turned herself in to the police. (Why didn't Joe tell Mercy that before he left?)

Danilo tells the cop at the desk that he's been waiting for hours to see Laura. The cop says he'll check. Then Danilo is surrounded by frenzied reporters wanting to know who La Regia killed. Danilo says she's not even being detained. Then he says that he came here for the same reason as the reporters, to check out the rumor. Danilo leads all of the reporters outside. Then we see Milton in the police station, all by himself, and he looks like he's up to no good! That scamp!

Laura's glad that Paloma is living with Mercy. She tells Ryan that she turned herself in because it's hard to always be hiding or running away, living someone else's life and shouldering all of RealStela's troubles as well. She apologizes to Ryan because they're going to know that she gave false testimony at his trial. He doesn't care. He just wants her to think about the future, when he and she and Paloma will be together.

But Laura doesn't think that will ever happen. She doesn't even want Paloma to know where she is. "Please," she pleads.

Next time: Will Genesis jump BunMan's bones and then tell Steve, "but we were on a break!"?

Labels: Estela