Caray, Caray!

Just to warn you, this one ended up being a little longer than usual. I figured since it was my last Duelo recap, and with it being an important episode, I would remove some of my internal controls that usually rein in my verbosity. I just let the rambling flow today. Here we go with the penultimate episode -

As the torch wielding lynch mob, with Thelma on horseback behind it, confronts Orlando, Luba, and Gaspar, Orlando and Thelma hurl insults at each other. Luba puts on her witch act to try and scare them off. Poor Gaspar yells out that Thelma is a bad person, though he still refers to her as ‘munequita,’ and that she has always been bad to him. She doesn’t care. She calls him retarded. Luba decides to reveal the truth about Thelma’s baby, but Thelma gets the crowd to agree, before Luba gets the words out, that Luba is a witch and can’t be believed. Orlando draws a gun to hold the crowd back.

Elias the wimp paces nervously while the prosecutor (Vargas?) tells him to calm down. Yeah right, he has a target on his forehead. Elias goes on about how much he loves Soledad. Elias continues his pacing.

Orlando shoots above the crowd to scare them back. There is a standoff. Orlando says they’ll find another way out of SE, Thelma says no way dude wherever you go we will find you. Orlando, Luba, and Gaspar leave, the crowd tries to follow them. This is a weak lynch mob, whenever they find Luba and Gaspar they try to kill them with yelling. It didn’t work the first couple times, just because now it is night and you actually lit your torches, it won’t work any better this time. I guess we shouldn’t expect a good plan, since the group is led by dumb and dumber, Vera and Ifigenio.

There is a knock on the church door, the priest opens it. In comes Don Loco with his gun out (I mean that literally, not some euphemism, this is on broadcast TV) and drags Soledad in behind him. Don Loco tells the priest that he and Soledad want to renew their wedding vows. Yes, he has completely lost it. The priest doesn’t really look like he’s up for it.

Luba, Gaspar, and Orlando return to their cave. Orlando says the cave is more secure than the immaculate cabin. Luba astutely says, “Where do you think they’ll look first when we aren’t at the cabin?” She left out ‘dumbass’ but the implication was there. Orlando says then they will be here waiting for them. Gaspar says something about the cofre, Orlando wants to know what is in it. Luba opens the cofre. Are we FINALLY GOING TO SEE WHAT IS IN THE DAMNED COFRE?

First we have to listen to Don Loco be crazy some more. He tells Soledad that it looks like she forgot the vow she made before God to be at his side until death. I guess he forgot the part of his vows where he shows some respect to his wife. Maybe in Mexico they don’t have the men say that part, but anyway. The priest says he is offending the house of God, I agree, but Don Loco tells him to hurry up already, they’re in a hurry. I don’t know if Soledad has just given up or she’s too scared to try and resist, or what. I was going to say that she has returned to her old completely helpless self, but I guess she never got away from that. She has done nothing to help herself for the entire six months of this show.

Elias, sporting a nice black eye, is still pacing around nervously. He appears to be drinking coffee, I don’t know if that’s the best thing for him now. With his nerves already frayed, that coffee will make him climb the walls and make a few extra trips to the bathroom. Emiliooo enters and says what are you waiting for? Let’s go! I guess he didn’t want to kick back with a cigar and watch other people do stuff, it’s time for action! Alina and Elias commiserate about their worry. They are off to SE to try and rescue Soledad. Emiliooo unnecessarily states that it will be difficult. Thank you for clearing that up.

Another cofre teaser – Luba tells Orlando that all the secrets of her herbs (is that really what she said?) are in the cofre. Gaspar says that she told him they could never tell what was in there, she says there isn’t any reason to remain quiet any longer.

The priest starts his ceremony. He asks DL if he reaffirms his vows to Soledad, he says yes. The priest asks Soledad, she just starts crying. DL tells her to answer. She says yes. She can barely get the words out. The priest looks disappointed.

Rosendo, who wears some sweet 70’s vintage clothing, is playing pool when the cops bust in and arrest him for the death of Claudia’s mother. I guess he wasn’t trying to hide out from the law. He goes along quietly. Claudia and Angel are there to witness it. Angel uses the excuse of comforting her to give her a full body, hip to hip, hug. I don’t blame him. I’d say he’s just days away from sealing the deal here. Crazy mom is out of the way, Rosendo is out of the way, I expect them to be married or at least engaged by the end of El Gran Final. She was dumb to cave to her mother the other day, but otherwise she seems normal enough. Don’t screw this up Angel. You stupidly ignored Sexy Nurse Suzi, you got lucky and rebounded with hottie store clerk Claudia. You won’t continue to be this lucky, quit while you’re ahead.

Emiliooo brings the gang to his hacienda. They sure got there fast. It’s going to be their base of operations. Emiliooo notes that nobody was there to receive them, he knows Santos is gone, but where is everyone else? Maybe Emiliooo and his merry band can break up the witch hunt.

Gaby says she isn’t afraid anymore, Doctora Loca told her that bad guys always get caught by the police. Tina is pleased that she is smiling again. Rodrigo comes in and they all have a happy reunion.

The lynch mob is outside Luba’s cave. One of them runs up and throws an explosive in the door, there is a nice big boom. Inside, they hear it and it makes the room shake, but nothing else. I guess the cave is farther inside the mountain than I thought. I always thought that the door there went directly outside, which would have had the explosion right in the middle of the living room. There must be some long entryway. Inside it sounds like an earthquake, the cave is collapsing. Luba, Gaspar, and Orlando make a run for it. I rewound to make sure, yes, someone grabbed the cofre on the way out. For a second I thought they left it there, and it would get buried, that would have been a nice plot twist but would have majorly pissed me off. Phew.

Coming out of the commercial, the bumper is Alina from back at the beginning of the show. She looks 20 times hotter here than in the show itself. What happened? Don’t they film the show over a shorter period of time than it even takes to watch it? How can she change so much in such a short period of time? It’s not like she got ugly or anything, but at the beginning of the show I regularly thought “Wow she’s hot” but I don’t remember the last time I thought that. I only noticed her ongoing battle with her shirts. Ah well, who knows.

SA is holding the baby in the living room of Emiliooo’s house. Emiliooo and Alina enter, surprised to see her there. Emiliooo has gone for quite an interesting look, a white buttoned shirt hanging out, a tan cowboy jacket, and an enormous cowboy hat. His footsteps sound like he’s wearing cowboy boots too. He isn’t used to walking in them, apparently, he stumbles a bit. Either that or he’s drunk. With the shirt hanging out, his look can be described as ‘drunk city guy dressed up as a cowboy.’ He asks SA what she is doing there. SA looks impactado, which is premature since the scene isn’t over at this point. Oh wait, it is. That might be the shortest scene in the history of this show. I’m going to go back and time it. 11 seconds. WTF. These writers have some serious ADD.

Luba and Gaspar run like hell through the forest. She yells at him to tell her where he left Orlando, Gaspar says he was in the cave. He’s going to go check, but she stops him. Luba is worried about him being missing, since he was protecting them with his gun. Gaspar whines that he doesn’t know where to go. Just then Thelma and the lynch mob (I’d say that is a great name for a band, but it was actually already used for a band, and they sucked. So never mind.) appear out of nowhere and Thelma says “oh, poor you.” Um, how did they get so close without Luba and Gaspar seeing the 50 torches? Thelma says she’s going to send them to hell. She starts the witch act again. The lynch mob grabs Luba and Gaspar and prepare to deal with them.

SA starts to tell her story. She says that Thelma and Orlando are here, uh, have they seen Thelma? Emiliooo says no. She says they have to stop her, she is going to do something horrible to Luba and Gaspar. Alina says they need to go check the cave. SA prays. Too late, accomplice.

Soledad and DL walk through the forest. She stops and announces that she is cold, hungry, tired, and thirsty. “Please, let me rest!” DL says there isn’t time for that, they have to get somewhere. She asks where. He says they are going up into the mountains to find a cave to be safe. She begs him to change his mind. Of course he doesn’t. What is it with this guy and caves?

Tina gives Rodrigo some tea. Rodrigo is happy to be home. Tina tells him about the phone calls from Thelma, and tells him that Thelma is the one who kidnapped Gaby. Rodrigo looks like he would kill her right then and there. With all the scores to be settled, there better be one hell of a grand shootout on Monday, not something lame like DL and Thelma both getting hit by a car.

Malena is impressed with Coral’s digs. Coral looks horrible, like she has a silver dollar cold sore. I know it’s a bruise, but bleah. She tells Malena the long list of people who are living with her now. Adela enters and is introduced to Malena. Coral tells Adela that tomorrow she’s going to hire some more household help. Poor Adela. They come here and while everyone else mooches off of Coral, Adela gets put to work. Angel and Claudia enter. They tell Coral that Rosendo killed Claudia’s mother. Coral is impactada.

DL and Soledad sit by a fire. I guess DL had this place stocked already, Soledad is drinking from a metal cup. She asks if they are going to live there, he says of course not. When they stop looking for him, they’ll go somewhere else. She says they’ll never stop looking, he says they will. He tries to kiss her, she says no, not now. He leaves her to rest. She prays to the Virgin for help.

Rodrigo is super pissed about Thelma. Tina explains that she wanted Alina far away, this was her crazy plan to make that happen. Rodrigo busts out that excellent line “Va a pagar muy caro.” She will pay dearly. Tina fills him in on Coral being suspicious first, then Doctora Loca got Gaby to spill the whole story. Since Tina, above all, is metiche, she can’t help but tell Rodrigo how Doctora Loca is nice, pretty, and a good person. Lady, he just found out that someone he knows kidnapped his daughter, he isn’t looking for a blind date. Cripes. And besides, Doctora Loca isn’t all that great, Tina, you don’t know about her burying her face in DL’s moustache. Ugh I got a flip in my stomach just writing that. Rodrigo says “yeah, yeah, she’s great.” He is polite to a fault. He should have told her that now is definitely not the time. Perhaps Tina knows that there are only 90 minutes left of this show and she’s trying to move it along.

Soledad is still awake. DL says he can see the stars, it is a romantic evening. Soledad tells him to leave her alone. He says this is their second honeymoon. He tries to get her to recall their first. She shuts him down. He tells her how much he loves her. She doesn’t want any of it. He figures she is just tired. She says yeah, that’s it, I need to rest.

Luba is tied to a stake, ready to burn. She tells the lynch mob to think about what they are doing. They decide to burn her. Gaspar, who isn’t tied up, cries miserably for his mama. Poor guy, he does a good job of being upset. I guess they are only going to burn Luba, I thought all this time that they wanted to torch both of them. Thelma tells Gaspar to shut up. She says if he didn’t do what he did at the Devil’s Cave, none of this would have happened. Ifigenio puts his torch to the kindling around Luba. She yells to Gaspar to save himself. She and Gaspar both cry and scream. Jeez it’s like a horror movie, it goes on and on. When will Emiliooo and Alina show up to save the day? Maybe after the commercial.

Hey was there no Asi es la Vida commercial today, or did I just fast forward through it?

The fire is still burning, Luba and Gaspar are still screaming. Emiliooo rides up and says “What’s going on here?” Alina, behind him, sees what is happening and tells him it’s Luba! Alina walks up next to Vera, who completely freaks out at seeing Alina alive. Suddenly the lynch mob starts trying to put out the fire. Ha I can’t get over Emiliooo riding up and asking what’s up, like he was approaching his buddies at the bar. “So what’s going on?” Idiot. Luba thanks the Virgin for saving her. Alina starts in on Vera, wanting to know what’s going on. Alina tells her that she is alive thanks to Luba and Gaspar. Vera says, “So she’s not a bad witch?” (I’m having a Monty Python moment here.) Alina says no, she is good and everyone needs to show her some respect. “She saved me from the evil of my father.” Emiliooo helps Luba down from her stake. She and Gaspar have a tearful reunion. Emiliooo confronts Thelma, wanting to know what she’s doing there. Alina runs up like a tattletale and says that Thelma is the one who incited the lynch mob to go after Luba.

Everyone tries to comfort Claudia. Claudia says now she is alone. Angel, on cue, says no, she isn’t alone, he is there for her. Coral says “What about me? Claudia you are like a sister to me.” Really? You hired her to work in your store like a week ago and now she is like a sister to you? I need to go get a job in her store, after a week I’ll be like a brother to her, then I’ll move my family into her mansion and mooch. Coral says that now with Claudia and Malena living here, they will be like a big family. Angel says they already locked up Rosendo, he hopes he’ll be inside for a long time. After how easily DL got out, don’t count on it. Duelo de Pasiones II – Rosendo Returns. Coming soon. Featuring an all 70’s/shiny shirt wearing cast.

Thelma runs away from Emiliooo. Vera the turncoat immediately screams out that Thelma is the one who got them all after Luba in the first place, and she knew the truth about Alina being alive! Ifigenio says yeah, let’s get her! They all cheer and start to run after Thelma. (I’m having another Monty Python moment here. If you have watched Life of Brian and Quest for the Holy Grail more than a few times this will seem like something right out of one of those. “Yes! We are all individuals!” There were frequent witch-related bits in there too. If you haven’t seen them, what is your problem? I can understand the TV show being too much to sit through, but those movies are classic.) Emiliooo tells the lynch mob to stop, they aren’t going anywhere. He is sure that Thelma is going to La Rinconada. He asks the crowd why they were going to torch her, Vera says because they thought she killed Alina! Emiliooo says that of course now they can see that they were wrong. He preaches that nobody can take their own justice, that is what the law is for. He tells them all to beg forgiveness from Luba. Alina checks on Luba and Gaspar, who are holding on to each other for dear life. Luba says how is she supposed to feel? She was on the brink of death!

Thelma storms in and yells at SA, wanting to know if she left the baby alone. SA says no, the baby is here in this house sleeping. Thelma tells her she shouldn’t have come. SA starts to tell her about Emiliooo, Thelma cuts her off and says yeah yeah, Emiliooo knows everything. He stopped them from killing Luba and Gaspar. SA then tells her that Gaby named her (Thelma) as her kidnapper. Uh oh Thelma, looks like it’s all falling apart. You are screwed. SA keeps on about Rodrigo, Thelma pours a drink and yells at her to shut up and help her think of a way out of all this. SA says no, not any more, she is as guilty as Thelma but she won’t fall any farther. Thelma tells her sarcastically to go to church and ask for forgiveness, then even though she could clearly see Emiliooo walking in, she says nobody will ever know what Gaspar did to her. Emiliooo, obviously, then asks, “What did Gaspar do to you?” Thelma gets an ‘uh oh” look. Yeah. Uh oh is right.

Elias tells Vargas that there are a lot of caves and DL knows them very well. Elias is desperate to know how Soledad is doing.

Emiliooo demands an answer. Thelma says she doesn’t have to answer. Alina wants to know why Thelma holds such a grudge against Luba and Gaspar. Thelma is taking the “I don’t have to tell you anything” approach, which of course is code for “I am so guilty of a number of things, I don’t even know where to start.” She says she’s leaving, Emiliooo stops her and says she’s staying until she provides some answers. Alina says that if Thelma doesn’t talk to them, she’ll have to talk to Vargas. Emiliooo agrees and says he’ll file accusations against her. Luba enters and says something confusing, but I think she means that she will tell everyone what Thelma won’t. Oh this is it, finally! Luba takes a long time to tell it, but she tells them that Thelma’s baby isn’t Emiliooo’s, it is Gaspar’s! Emiliooo is super end of show slow motion impactado. He looks like he got kicked in the nuts, then he looks down at Thelma like “oh you bitch.” The impactado was long enough for him to do all that. And right in the middle of a scene! We haven’t seen the super/end of show/slow motion impactado trifecta anywhere but at the very end of an episode. If any scene called for it, this was it. Thelma, of course, immediately starts yelling at Luba for telling her little secret. She says it’s a lie. Gaspar enters and says “My mama isn’t a liar! I kissed you in the Devil’s Cave!” Thelma insists it isn’t true. She tells Emiliooo that the baby is his, and she is his wife! (What does that have to do with anything?) Alina took some smart pills, because immediately she steps up and says she knows Luba doesn’t lie, so fine, nobody leaves, we’ll have a DNA test. Thelma is really grasping for straws, she tells Alina “Who are you to be involved in this? Shut up!” Emiliooo tells her no, YOU shut up. Recess is almost over kids, let’s get on with this. Thelma still tries to play the victim and tells Emilioo that she has put up with a lot from him, but she’ll never forgive him for humiliating her in front of these people. She storms out, SA hurrying along behind her (why?) but this time nobody stops her. Luba tells Emiliooo that he knows that she hasn’t ever lied to him, she is telling the truth. Emiliooo says he doesn’t know, she always told him that Gaspar created his infatuation with Thelma from nothing, now she is telling him something else. Wow when did everyone get so sensible? I have to agree that he has a point there. Emiliooo says he wants to think. Don’t hurt yourself. Luba tells Gaspar that it’s time to go, he is upset and wants to see his baby. Alina tries to be nice to Emiliooo and then leave, but he tells her to stay with him. That was like the total opposite of the 11 second scene, this one might have been more than five minutes. That’s an eternity for this show.

Thelma goes into her room and slams the door, leaving SA in the hall. She tells SA to leave her alone. SA then thought bubbles “Poor Thelma.” What? Poor Thelma? She will be getting what she deserves. Thelma in her room curses Gaspar. She knows what the DNA test will show.

SA talks to the baby, who is wide awake. He is quite a nice looking baby, no wonder SA can’t leave him alone. She tells him not to worry, he isn’t guilty of any of what his mom did. She says nothing will happen to him. Emiliooo and Alina enter, Emiliooo asks for and receives a moment alone with the baby. He asks the baby if he is his son. He has a sweet little talk about how he loved him when he first saw him and if he isn’t really his son, he still won’t leave him alone. Now he has to help Vargas find DL. Emiliooo shouldn’t worry, doesn’t he know that every virgin who has sex before marriage gets pregnant the first time? Alina must be about a week along at this point. Downstairs, he sees Orlando and snaps at him “what are you doing here?” Orlando says he has to talk to him, Thelma cheated on him, the baby isn’t his! Poor Orlando, he’s always late with the news. Hasn’t this happened to him before? Emiliooo is slightly impactado again. Maybe he’s wondering how everyone in the world knows about the baby except him.

Gaspar plays with the horse he whittled for his baby. He is upset that Emiliooo didn’t believe them. Gaspar wants to find a cave nicer than the one they had before and live there with his son. Luba says it’s a pretty dream, but the baby will never want for anything living with Emiliooo. Gaspar says he doesn’t need a hacienda, they lived in a cave and were poor, but they are happy and good people. His baby could grow up to be just like him. Alina enters and asks if it is true about Gaspar being the father. She doesn’t answer, but behind her Gaspar nods his head frantically.

Emiliooo wants to know how Orlando knows about this. Orlando says, “You already know?” Emiliooo says Luba just told him, but how does Orlando know? Orlando says he has testimony and proof that Gaspar got busy with Thelma at the Devil’s Cave. Dammit wouldn’t Emiliooo have realized that he didn’t have sex with Thelma anywhere near the time she would have conceived? The 200 years ago mentality these people fall into when it is convenient is maddening. Emiliooo asks why he should believe Orlando after what he did with Alina. Orlando says yes, he was jealous and he lied, but now he is telling the truth. Come to think of it, Orlando really is a snake. He tried that thing with Alina, and remember waaaay back at the beginning of the show, he was trying to get some from Thelma too? I had forgotten that. Emiliooo gets back to his normal self, ignoring reality, and says that he doesn’t believe Orlando or Luba. He tells Orlando to leave, or they are going to have to rumble.

Alina talks to Gaspar and Luba, she says that they need to do the DNA test. Gaspar, who suddenly can barely talk like he’s losing his voice, says he doesn’t want the baby anymore, his munequita took it from him. (What? I went back and it didn’t make sense the second time either. What am I missing here?). Alina says they need to clear it all up. Even if Emiliooo will be sad, they need to know the truth. She then tells Luba that DL took Soleda and they are hiding in the mountains.

I guess Orlando didn’t leave, so there’s gonna be a fight. Orlando says fine, don’t believe me, you’ll be working like a dog to support a retarded kid. Whoa, that’s a low blow, he deserves the whupping Emiliooo is about to give him. Bah the fight gets broken up before it really starts by a couple of the detectives/police/whoever came with Vargas. SA wants to know what’s going on, Emiliooo says Orlando is telling him lies that the baby is Gaspar’s. SA says this time Orlando isn’t lying, she herself knows for a fact that Gaspar is the father. Emiliooo is impactado for the third time at the same news. That has to be a record, impactado at the exact same thing three times in a row.

Luba and Alina worry about Soledad. Gaspar whines that the bad people like Don Loco an Thelma always win. Alina gears up for a speech and says “No Gaspar. Everything will work out, I have faith.” Luba then actually tells Alina that she is strong. Yeah right. She is almost as wimpy as Elias, though today she has shown more brains than usual. The conversation shifts to the cofre. Luba says that DL’s mother gave it to her before she died and Luba wasn’t able to ever give it to DL. Alina asks what the secret it. Luba says she’ll tell her, and tomorrow when the agents find DL, Alina can tell DL. I think that’s what she said. They are just rambling and being dramatic. Gaspar is holding the cofre, it looks like a metal lunchbox.

Emiliooo tries to look dramatically pensive. Thelma comes downstairs to talk to him. Why would she do that? She should be doing a repeat of the old Soledad/Samsonite escape. She calls his name and when he doesn’t answer says “I’m talking to you.” Man she has some nerve. I have to remember any time my wife might speak a little rudely to me that at least she isn’t this woman. Emiliooo says he doesn’t want to see her or hear from her ever again. She says fine, then admits herself that Emiliooo isn’t the father. She says it’s his fault, because she loved him and he always mistreated her and she was jealous. The only reason she was even at the Devil’s Cave that night was that she was looking for him. She says tearfully that the only reason she knocked boots with Gaspar is that she thought it was him, Emiliooo. (Wow she must have been drunk! Gaspar has about two feet more hair and about 75 pounds more muscle. Plus, he talks like a five year old.) Emiliooo wants to know why she said the baby was his. She says so they could be together. Emiliooo says he is going to give the baby to Gaspar, he’ll take care of the baby better than her. She says if he does that, she will kill them! I’m not sure if ‘them’ is Gaspar and the baby, or Gaspar and Luba, or Emiliooo and Alina, or what. But she will kill somebody!

Monday – El Gran Final! Por Fin! The advance shows SA in a complete meltdown because the baby is missing, then we see Gaspar holding his baby, telling him how much he loves him. Aww. (that wasn’t sarcasm.) Then, DL is standing in front of Soledad, who is on a horse, apparently trying to escape. From behind her pops out Alina, who says “Papa?” DL gasps “Alina!” Does he still think she’s dead?

Ok folks this is it! One more big show on Monday! We got the whole Thelma is evil and Gaspar is the father reveals out of the way, all that is left is to find out what is in the damn cofre and for DL to get his final reward. See you in Amar Sin Limites! (In a few weeks anyway, I’m on vacation to Mexico the next two Fridays and someone has graciously volunteered to step in and cover for me. I’ll be back in my regular Friday slot on August 3.)

Labels: duelo

Marfil and Diablo are still at the morgue. Marfil, who's all jittery, doesn't want the attendant to cover Debora's face. We get a lovely close-up of Debora's bullet wound perfectly centered on her forehead. Again, note how her hair is red and not blonde any more.

Princess Fi shows up at her long-lost friend Ishy's place. She tells him her marriage is over and how her former boyfriend just died. I believe she is now on the prowl for a new rich man, because Ishy is saying she just missed "Alejandro" who is rich and survived his yacht's sinking, but is now on his way to Atlanta.

Pedro and Max are at an attorney's office in Atlanta. Pedro tells the attorney he wants to recoup everything his evil brother stole from him. In addition, he wants to name Max as his sole beneficiary. Max tries to tell him that's too much, but Pedro won't hear of it. He's made up his mind; Max will get everything when Pedro dies!

Princess Fi tells Ishy that she's broke after leaving Cousin Eddie and doesn't like it. Her parents used to be rich, but they lost their fortune little by little. She lived like a queen with Cousin Eddie and wants to continue that life style. Ishy offers his humble house, but apparently Princess Fi doesn't want to live that way. I'm not quite clear on this part; can anyone help me? It doesn't make sense that she's homeless, but won't stay with Ishy. There must be something I'm misunderstanding.

Dimwit is back at Emili-Oh's Homeless Shelter for Wayward Individuals. Fidiota is trying to talk Dimwit into returning to Psycho Mansion, but Dimwit is refusing. Fidiota says "Very well, as you wish. By the way, I'm going to an AA meeting, as I need help. Roddy made me realize alcohol was causing me to be very hard on you girls and I almost lost you!" Dimwit tells Fidiota she never would have lost her girls. Suddenly Sylvie bursts in; Dimwit has a visitor. It's Cousin Eddie with a bouquet of red roses. Is anyone creeped out by him besides me? Fidiota rushes off to an appointment with Roddy so Dimwit can have a moment alone with Cousin Eddie. My skin is crawling!

Marfil wants a moment alone with Debora. The attendant gives her two minutes. After Diablo and the attendant have left, Marfil starts spewing her rage against Debora. She hates her. They were always rivals for their parents' attention, friends, etc. Debora was always a delinquent and evil. On and on. Marfil states, "And now you're dead forever! Maldita!!!!" Marfil starts laughing maniacally. Suddenly Debora's eyes open up wide and she grabs Marfil by the throat!

Cousin Eddie is bemoaning the fact that his marriage is over. "Dimwit, please promise me I won't lose you as a friend." He then asks her out for dinner and dancing after she's recovered, so they can have some fun and try to forget what's-their-names. Dimwit is skeptical and I'm even more creeped out! He then starts pleading and wheedling until she agrees to go to dinner only.

Debora is still choking Marfil until Marfil breaks free. When the camera pans down, we see Debora is still dead. Psyche! By now, Marfil is shaken up. As she's quaking in her Jimmy Choo's, Diablo and the attendant return. She then leans close to Debora and whispers "Hasta nunca! May you burn in hell!" She then covers up Debora's face with a sheet and walks out. The Orchestra of Doom kicks it up a notch.

Sylvie points out the obvious (while she's arranging the roses). Cousin Eddie is enchanted with Dimwit. Dimwit is still moaning over Max's demise.

Pasta is talking to Peyote, despite the fact she's still in a coma. He says he knows she can hear him. He then proceeds to tell him that Caramel went to the jail to talk to Puncho and confront him about being a bigamist and a trafficker in stolen jewelry. We then see Caramel coming to the jail to see Puncho; she's come to ask him for a divorce. Puncho looks pretty chastened. Commercial.

Fidiota is at Roddy's office. She's nervously anticipating her first AA meeting. We then get a PSA about alcoholism. "Don't worry, I'll be at your side," says Roddy. He then tells her he'd like to get married in three months.

Gaby and Dimwit are having another heart-to-heart talk. Little Doormat wants to know if Isabel poisoned Dimwit as a way of avenging Andres' death. Dimwit says she's sure it's some other reason, although she doesn't know what. Little Doormat then starts asking about Cousin Eddie. "He's just a friend," swears Dimwit. "I'll never love anyone else ever again!!! Blah, blah, blah. Dimwit wants to know why Little Doormat looks so sad. Little Doormat swears Dimwit to secrecy, but says she needs to tell someone. "Kick Me raped me!" Dimwit is impactada! This must be bad since we never got a trade-marked glassy stare with a head tilt. OK, so maybe there was a little of the head-tilt action going on.

Fidiota is a little stricken at the possibility of getting married in three months. Roddy wants to know if it's because Fidiota wants to get back with Pasta. "No," says Fidiota. "Pasta is out of my life for good! I want to marry you, just not in three months. I want everything to calm down first." Roddy smirks when Fidiota says Pasta is out of her life forever. If Fidiota doesn't want to rush things, he's fine with that. He just knows that the happiest times of his life will be when they're husband and wife.

Pasta and Caramel are hanging out at Peyote's bedside. Caramel is telling Pasta how she told Puncho she wanted a divorce. When Pasta asks how Puncho took it, Caramel says Puncho was sad. She adds she hates seeing him incarcerated. Pasta says Puncho is getting what he deserves. At that moment, Peyote starts gasping and heaving her chest. She looks like something out of the Exorcist. Pasta tells Caramel to find DoK stat!

Fidiota is now at the AA meeting, clutching Roddy's hand. The group leader announces they have a new participant. Fidiota stands up and introduces herself giving her full name. She admits she's an alcoholic. I thought AA only used first names.

Dimwit tells Gaby she needs to dump Kick Me. "Why are you staying with that jerk? You need to tell mom!" Little Doormat gets frantic; you promised you wouldn't say anything! If Larry finds out, he'll kill Kick Me and get in trouble. Swear you won't say a word. Promise me!!!! Promise me!!!! " Dimwit promises and the sisters embrace.

Pedro and Maxi-Moron are chatting about Pedro getting his fortune back. Maxi-Moron doesn't want to return to Miami until everyone forgets him.

Princess Fi is telling Octopus she has no money and will probably be homeless before too long. She asks if she can stay with Octopus and her son. Octopus points out Marfil lives there and probably won't be too open to the idea of Princess Fi joining them. Princess Fi then tells Octopus about a rich guy she heard about in Atlanta. His name is Alejandro. I'm sure Princess Fi is going to make her way to Atlanta before too long.

Octopus is at the hospital when Caramel and Pasta walk out. Peyote is dying!

Pedro and Maxi-Boring are now discussing his plans for revenge. Max, using his alias of Alejandro, is going to go after Diablo, Doc Evil, and Camila. Then, one day he will come face to face with the mother of his son, and when he does, he wants Dimwit to explain how she could have slept with Diablo! Dramatic music plays.

Caramel and Pasta are out in the hospital waiting area when Octopus walks up. Pasta tells Octy that Peyote just suffered from convulsions. Octopus is about to go see her daughter when DoK walks out and tells them Peyote just died! OK, I’m totally shocked they'd kill off one of the bigger characters. They all pile into Peyote's room, with Pasta and Caramel saying a heartfelt and sad goodbye. Octopus stands back and just stares with no expression on her face. Finally DoK says they all need to leave so they can get Peyote's body ready for the funeral. Pasta and Caramel are distraught and leave, glaring at Octopus on their way by. Finally a shell-shocked looking Octopus leaves. By now, Luscious and Yolanda arrive and hear the news. They are distraught as well. Again, Octopus just stands there stone-faced. This is a very sad scene.

Fidiota is sitting in Roddy's office discussing her feelings about her first AA meeting when the cell phone rings. It's Caramel giving her the news about Peyote. Fidiota is impactada and gives Caramel her sympathies.

Princess Fi comes in to the waiting room where Octopus is sitting by herself. Still with no expression. Princess Fi tells Octopus she's sorry to hear about Peyote. Octopus doesn't give her much of a response, except to say that now she's lost two of her children. Princess Fi is in tears; Octopus still has that impassive look on her face.

Marfil and Diablo are in bed again. The "Ick" factor is still overwhelming. Marfil gets a call from Larry telling her about Peyote. Marfil is impactada. She then tells Diablo and adds the Peyote was a parasite who drained Octopus' money. Diablo points out that Octopus has lost two of three children and starts laughing. Marfil doesn't look terribly amused.

Maxi-Tool is in Atlanta telling us how much he misses his family. He also says, "Forgive me for letting you think I'm dead!"

Fidiota is telling a bed-ridden Dimwit about Peyote. Dimwit wants to go to the funeral to support Pasta, Caramel, and Lunkhead. Fidiota is actually supportive.

Little Doormat is in her bedroom dressed in black. She sure is petite. Kick Me comes up and wants to know why she's dressed in this manner. She tells him she's going to Peyote's funeral; "Peyote died today." Since when do funerals happen so fast? Only in TeleMiami. At any rate, Kick Me is convinced she's going so she can see Lunkhead. He then forbids her to attend. Of course Little Doormat caves. He then takes off his sweaty work-out shirt and starts to hand it to her, but drops it on the floor before she can take it. He then orders her to pick it up and bring him some clean clothes.

Everyone is arriving at the funeral and Pasta and Octopus are standing at the door greeting people. Octopus' expression is still frozen. Dimwit, Fidiota, and Roddy show up and offer their condolences to Pasta and Octopus. Octopus accuses Fidiota of only coming to gloat at the misfortune falling upon Octopus. Fidiota replies she would never wish the death of children on anyone. She knows what it's like to lose her children! Octopus just glares at her.

Marfil shows up dressed in a perky white top. She's the only one at the funeral dressed in something other than black. Octopus asks Marfil to accompany her to the casket. When she gets to the casket, Octopus totally loses it! She stands there sobbing and begging forgiveness for being such a crappy mom. She is finally paying a huge Karmic debt. Larry tries to comfort her and they become a big sodden mass of grief. Perhaps Octopus is finally realizing the errors of her ways, because she now seems truly repentant.

Credits roll.

Labels: acorralada

I've noticed in the comments that people are still suffering from LFMB withdrawal. In addition to the chat room (a great place to leave messages and youtube links, but some people say they can't access it), don't forget there's also the forum on Telenovela-World. Blogger has a nice Comments feature, but it isn't really intended for ongoing conversations. There's no threading, and you have to scroll and scroll. A forum IS intended for ongoing conversations, and new stuff always gets added to the top so you can find it quickly. Go to the forum now and check it out!

Yes, it's been slow there lately. Know why? Because people go there, see that no one has posted, and leave. (I see the same thing happening in the chat room all the time - I'm guilty of it myself.) But if you want people to talk, sometimes you have to start the conversation. Go to Telenovela-World and start a thread there.

Oh all right I'll start it myself. OK done. Now go there. Please. :-)

Labels: fea

Rod, conscience-stricken, consents to Isa's wish that they sleep in the same bedroom from here on out. After showering, Rod loses himself in thought momentarily while combing his hair and Isa asks him sweetly what he's thinking about. He says nothing. Sitting expectantly in her little black negligee (pardon the pun about the bun), she smiles pertly and says she doesn't belieeeeeve him.

Rod jumps onto the bed. It seems he figures he's going to be a real papa now, he might as well play the part. So trying to be a real grown-up, Rod tells the little woman, "Look, the only thing that is important to me now is my child. Yep. My child.....and.....you!" "--Ah, I've never heard you talk that way before. That is lovely! Oh, I'll love you all my life," Isa magnanimously responds, hugging him. "Oh, I do love you." Then she turns to kiss him really trying to be as sensuous as possible. (Uh-oh. She didn't bother to turn the lights off.)

While Rod is trying to get into the proper mood, Gavi is tossing and turning in bed, sleepless and grumbling because all she can think of is him in his wife's embrace. In between rolls and pillow punches, "Damn you, Rodrigo! What a nitwit I am. You already let me down once! It's not right for you to keep me awake with memories of you. --Hmph! All cuddled up with your wife! Ay!" More pillow punches. "You're not worth it."

Rod, still in a contortional lip-lock with Isa, is trying to oblige...still trying...still trying..... Finally Isa comes up for air a second and whispers the magic words, "Kiss me, lover. Make me yours!" and the spell is broken. He bolts upright. "--No! It's not right. It's not right! You are going to have to give me time." "--Oh. Ok. Take all the time you need," Isa consoles him. (Just as well, since she is just as relieved as he is, 'cause she'd rather be with Frankie anyway.) "It's enough for now that you're here with me..... and our child." (Maybe try it with the lights off next time, Burly Bear, 'cause it seems the only way you are gonna get this deed done is in the dark, filled with thoughts of La Gaviota flitting about.)

Although there is no reason for a post coital nicotine break at this point Isa's thoughts start to wander anyway; and it hits her: "Say, would you be upset if it weren't a boy....I mean because of that business of the inheritance and all your grandfather's wishes?" "--No. I would love to have a daughter, too. It is only important that my child should be born healthy and be very happy." (Echh! Yawn....)

Morning mercifully dawns once more in the mescal fields. Down at the Dry Gulch, Acacia's dissolute, degenerate, and debilitated Uncle Meliton demands she call the doctor for him. She refuses and scolds him about his liver giving out on him because of all his drinking. She offers to mix him a special medicinal brew for his belly. He insists he wants a doctor! She tells him while walking out the door, that if he wants one so badly then he can get up and go get him himself.

James has returned to the hacienda and runs into Rod on the stairs on his way to his room. He explains to Rod that Acacia refuses to leave the place despite the danger in remaining under the same roof with her uncle, but he's going back for a final answer later on. Rod seems to think he should just drag her away caveman style, er... rather, cowboy-style like a galloping gaucho. (Ha! I can just imagine James trying that!) James laughs and then asks about Rod and Isa.

Rod explains that he has reconciled with Isadora for the sake of the child. He tells how he begged her forgiveness and how she relented and returned to the ranch with him. Now, the only thing that remains is to throw himself into the marriage, since that is how he plans to forget Gaviota. Even James has a hard time believing this. He doesn't look any more convinced of it than Rod does.

As Gavi is walking out of the apartment building on her way to work, the kid who washed windows at their last apartment house rides past her on his bike and yells out a flirtatious remark. Suddenly she looks up and he realizes it was Mariana. He stops to apologize and they chat a second or two about how she is living there now when Liliana told everybody she'd gone off for parts unknown.

Rod and James continue commiserating with each other. Rod talks about how he's going to turn over a new leaf in hopes of making a decent home for his wife and child. He regrets though that his marriage is a loveless one. Isadora is a great lady and deserves better (yawn, u-huh). James suggests that perhaps in time he will come to love Isadora like she loves him.

Rod sadly says he thinks that that emotion is buried for him now that he's figuratively killed off Gavi. James, worldly and wise beyond measure, suggests that a baby could rekindle hope of life and love for Rod. Rod chuckles and kids his buddy then about hurrying up and marrying Acacia so their kids can play together. (I am afraid the writers have been watching too many Geico caveman commercials on American t.v.).

Acacia returns with a concoction of herbs for Meliton to drink. As soon as she leaves he takes a whiff and throws it at the wall mumbling about how she wants to put a spell on him. Meanwhile, Acacia returns to her room and finds James' hat he'd left there by accident the night before. Hugging it, she cries at the memory of James begging her to leave with him and allow time to erase all memory of her uncle's abusive behavior.

Just then Meliton enters and sees Acacia holding onto it. Meliton is enraged and threatens to break James apart if he ever comes back there. "Tell him you already have an owner!" He takes his belt off and begins to strap her with it. Panicked and in pain she screams for her uncle to stop.

Gavi continues trying to set appointments for the days ahead. Potential customers are breaking their appointments because of their so-called endless meetings. Secretaries continue hanging up on her. In a tip of the hat to all of us who at one time or another have sat on her side of that telephone receiver, and who are painfully reliving those bittersweet events of yesteryear --or those who currently are earning their spurs-- we now cheer.

We see Gavi boldly, and sooo satisfyingly, venture forth with what so many of us familiar with cold calling wished we could, but may never dare to, ask: "So tell me, if he's always in so many meetings, when does your boss find the time to actually work?" The line goes dead on the other end with a definitive click. (Anonymity does have its advantages at times, you know?)

Dani, Sofia and Grammy P are eating breakfast that same morning, in another scene where the writers' summer interns take over during a cigarette break for the A-Team. Sofia mentions that Frankie is supposed to come around after his job interview with a hotel chain is finished. Right then Rod calls to speak with Daniel. "Hey there. It's your brother in exile speaking." "--Oh, you mean they finally allowed you to call and talk?" Pilar and Sofia warn Dani off telling her brother anything about what they've learned about La Gaviota.

Rod says she supposedly wanted to speak to him and he wants to know why. Miffed, and uncharacteristically curt, she mouths the niceties about his reconciliation with his self-sacrificing wife as well as the upcoming honeymoon they plan to take. "I hear voices. Whose?" "--Just Grammy and Sofia." "--You sound strange. Something going on there?" "Naw, just the delirium of your reconciliation. Don't be so paranoid." She cuts the call short and hangs up. Rod ruminates. (We know this because?) he knits his brows together and says to himself, "Hmmm. Daniel is hiding something." (Uh, can somebody there please turn his dimmer switch up a bit for him?)

"--Satisfied?" Dani sniffs at the two biddies still shooting daggers from their eyes at her from across the table and complains about how they're making her keep quiet. "We agreed --" Sofia reminds her. "--No, WE didn't agree about anything. As soon as I find the place Gaviota is staying, I am telling Rod the truth! He needs to know."

Elvis arrives then with a gift for Dani. He refuses to enter the dining room and she must go out to the parlor. Grammy P takes the opportunity to gripe to Sofia about how that boy should be out looking for work instead of bothering them so early in the morning (like Frivolous Frankie supposedly is).

Elvis has brought Dani some fish and an aquarium. Grammy runs out to scold him and is cold when Elvis tries to kiss her good-morning on the cheek. Dani scolds her and complains that she's playing favorites with Frankie, but Grammy denies it just as the Golden Boy appears in the entrance way to pick up Sofia. Grammy does the kiss-kiss on both cheeks with Frankie. "You dear boy! Go into the dining room and have breakfast."

"Hey there, beautiful," Wheezy-Sleazy, Gavi's sales manager, comes in trying again to get her to meet with him for dinner to discuss those "sales" techniques of his. She slyly puts him off with a white lie about a late dinner appointment with a customer who afterwards wants her to visit the sainted sickly mother of a friend with him. The boss is free to join them of course, Gavi says. She'll give him a ring when she gets the rest of the details about time and place. He leaves and she is relieved for the moment.

Back again at the hacienda, Rodrigo walks in on Isa while she's purring over her successful reconciliation to her mother. The instant he walks in her cat's meow mutates into mewling. On cue, Isa changes her tone and pretends to be discussing her father's terrible plight and the horrid, humiliating conditions at the prison. "Tell him I'll be there on Sunday and I'll be taking the last flight out to see him. Don't worry, mommie." (Pause the video. I have got to gag. -- Here, kitty, kitty. Now, where did I leave that dish of poisoned cream?) Rod is pained at his wife's whimpers over her father's predicament. He gets down on his knees.

Isa hesitates. She again plays her husband like a well-tuned Stradivarius, for all she's [hoping he'll be] worth. (She and Frankie truly are soul-mates.) "Your sister shouldn't have told you! I told her not to!" "--Hey, I'm your husband. I had to find out." Rod, insists this situation is too risky for her in her condition and promises to do whatever it takes to get Ricardo out of jail. "--You would have to meet with his lawyer."

Rod then suggests Isa should arrange the meeting with the creditors and Ricardo's lawyer. She is surprised. Oh, no, he couldn't do that for her! "--Nobody has ever done anything that nice for me before. Oh, I don't deserve you!" She gives him a hug, smugly smiling to herself. The Cheshire Cat has nothin' on this glamour-puss.

James cannot get the memory of Acacia screaming at him to kill her uncle and show his love for her. "Could her hate really be that strong?" (Duh. Try switching places with her for a month or three and then get back to me.)

Acacia, after fleeing from her beating, hides somewhere in the hay. Drunk and sick and mad as a hatter, Meliton staggers into the barn. He yells out to her that he knows she is in there. When he finds her crouched in the corner he tells her that she's like the beasts in the barnyard who only learn by being beaten. Then he tells her he sold the animals and so they'll be leaving early the next day for good, high-tailing it for parts unknown. At that point Meliton rushes towards her.

Acacia, frightened to death, sees the pitchfork near her and grabs for it. Her uncle lunges forward and trips, accidentally falling onto it. In a last moment of fear she decides; she finishes him off with it. His lifeless, bloody body rolls over onto her and she jumps up, pushing it out of the away. She begins screaming and crying, feeling simultaneously horrified and relieved.

Back at Montalveña, Isa insists she doesn't want Rod feeling obligated simply because she's having his child. However, the only thing that will take care of her father's problem is to cover the debt with the creditors before her daddy's trial takes place. Once more he imagines himself man of the manse and explains that he promised himself when they moved back in together he would assume responsibility for "his family". Neither does he want Isadora to think he suspects her of using her pregnancy as a way of getting her father out of jail, he gallantly adds.

Rod, who seriously needs a trip to Oz to ask the wizard for a brain, feels the only thing left to resolve the situation is to back her father financially and to finance his debt, despite the huge amount involved. So he will agree to guarantee her father's debts.

At Grammy's Frankie is telling somebody on the phone about the beauty he met the night before named Jennifer. He tells the person she is not wealthy, seems to be maybe a secretary or a teacher who lives in some no-account apartment building near the old 'hood. He goes on about how he used the old palm-reading line of his and she went for it hook, line and sinker. Just then Sofia enters the room and asks who is on the phone. "Oh, just Sr. Hofman. I have a business appointment with him at dinner tonight." He talks her out of joining them and changes the subject by suggesting they go somewhere more "edifying". Sofia giggles knowingly.

Ricardo is literally going crazy being inside "the joint." He's screaming through the glass in the visitation room to Nuria about how his "Princesa" promised him! "She promised me that she would get Rod to agree to back me and get me out of here! Why is it taking so long?" He screams frantically that it is simply too much for him being stuck in this place and he doesn't know how much longer he can stand it.

Mommy Dearest is shocked and desperate at the change in her husband. She tries to explain to him that he needs to be a bit more patient as Isa has only just gotten back together with Rodrigo. "This is a delicate situation and Isa will need a bit more time to work on him." "--What do you mean, calm down. I can't calm down! I can't! I can't!" (Somebody better take Daddy's belt and put the guy on suicide watch.)

Rod is at the tequila tasting academy, reading Mariana's notes about how much of an investment this project will take. "What a squeeze (literally a climbing vine) that woman was," he thinks. He begins to daydream about her. In walks a female vision of beauty worthy of a 1940's style detective novel. She's dressed to the nines in fur. It's Gaviota strutting in to complain: "I asked your cousin for 10 million pesos to keep me away from you, but I only managed to get 5 million from the tightwad." Rod comes to his senses and bangs the desk in frustration.

Back at Montalvo Corp., Bruno and Patricio are worried because it seems the FDA refused to release their shipments of tequila into the States at a number of the various points of entry for reasons of suspicion of bio-terrorism. This stands to cost them millions of dollars in lost revenue, and in particular, in law suits from their customers for not filling their contracts for delivery of the purchased product. Patricio laments that it is a shame, but it is totally out of their hands.

During this discussion, a contrite Minnie pays a visit to her father-in-law. Bruno called her in to give her his support and to tell her he disapproves of the actions of his son. He and Patricio both offer her their continued support and say for them she will always be considered family and always will be Aaron's wife. (That is definitely large coming from Patricio, considering the humiliating way Minnie treated him and Lluvia at the Christmas party.)

Minnie thanks them and says they're all the family she has. Bruno hopes Aaron will think better of it all and return to her. She finds out then that Aaron already left for Miami and laments he didn't even call to say good-bye. She cries and says she must get used to the idea of being without him but that's hard as he's been her entire life.

Meanwhile, Aaron arrives back at the house in Miami and Pammy greets him with earnest kisses. She asks how things are going with the divorce, but Aaron doesn't quite know how to answer her. Aaron then gets a text message about the hold up of tequila continuing at the US border. He assures her finally that the lawyer says he shortly should be free to marry her. All he can truly say is that for now his wife has been pacified a bit. "Well, does she still have some hope of reconciling, or what?" "--We're just waiting for the audience with the judge to give the divorce decree." "What are you afraid of, then?" "--Nothing. I just don't like the idea of confronting Minerva is all."

Bruno calls in Oñate and asks him to get him all the information pertaining to the halted shipments and to get hold of both the Tequila Regulatory Commission and the FDA officials. This is costing them a bundle. Bruno calls Rod at the hacienda and tells him about the embargo of the tequila shipments from Mexico by the US and explains that Rod will have to suspend purchase of any more agave product till the US cancels the embargo. He then begs Rod to consider returning to the corporate office to head it up as he has to return to the New York office soon.

Rod says he's sorry, but that he is unwilling to return under any circumstances. After he hangs up Rod tells himself he cannot return to the place he re-encountered Gaviota, particularly after discovering she was not the woman he'd once loved.

As for Gavi, if it weren't for bad luck she'd be having no luck at all. She has just had another prospect tell his secretary to get rid of her somehow. As she's leaving the building she runs into Eduardo Zaldivar, her Christmas Eve date to the Tequila Guild's Dinner-Dance. He's overjoyed to see her again, but she's a bit uncomfortable at running into him.

Eduardo asks what's she's doing these days and she explains she's in sales, but no, things are not quite as she'd thought they'd be selling encyclopedias. She explains she really had no other options. Nervously then, she says good-bye. Eduardo asks her to stay and chat. "I really can't."
"--Aw. Don't you have a few minutes to chat?" "--Well, there's no reason....." "--Come on, let's chat."

Josefina and Clarita gripe about all the rotten things that have happened to Gavi since she got involved with the Montalvos. Jose curses Rodrigo in particular for the rotten way he dealt with her. Clarita would love the chance to tell him what she thinks of him!

That afternoon Isa tells Rod that the creditors have accepted to see him the following day back in Mexico City. Rod says fine, then he'll make arrangements to go, but while there he plans to visit the Tequila Manufacturers' Guild as he needs to discuss things with them regarding problems they're having with their tequila shipments. Isa wants to return to the city with him since it has to do with her father. Since the doctor told her she could continue her life normally he agrees. He calls Elvira to make the travel arrangements.

Gavi and Eduardo sit down and talk over coffee. She apologizes saying he must think the worst of her once he realized she was running around with Rodrigo Montalvo, a married man. "That is over and done with, though, and in the worst way possible." Eddy is refreshingly sympathetic and Gavi warms to him. He replies that he's the last person to judge her about how she conducts her personal life.

Eddy suggests that she is unaware of what's been happening recently. "What exactly?" He answers "Things like the nasty way both Minerva and Fedra Montalvo have been running you down to the Guild members and warning them away from you." "--Oh, I could just imagine, but tell me." "--Well, they called us to advise us and the whole Guild about your dismissal and --" "--Lets see. Lets see here. What are those people saying was the reason?" "--They've been telling everyone how they uncovered your mismanagement of company finances." Gavi is amazed when she hears this. "You mean to tell me they're accusing me of being a thief??"

Labels: Destilando

(Tobias del Valle y Campo, circa 1821)

[recapper’s note: Thanks to everyone who said such lovely things about my sub recap last week! I wasn’t able to answer you, or participate in other recaps because my browser was fritzing – sometimes it just won’t load the comments page, which is incredibly frustrating. Thanks again!]

The last moments of the muy impactado scene from Thursday night. Esme and Comandante Sara Kali embrace as the partygoers, who don’t seem to notice Zorro in their midst, look on. Then Esme slowly approaches the Queen with a gentle expression, introduces herself to her second cousin, and…starts talking about her VENGEANCE!!! In front of the crowd she accuses Montero of imprisoning her, stealing her baby, and attempting to murder her. The Queen knows Montero couldn’t have been the only one behind these acts; and in addition to Fernando, likely had an even more powerful ally. She orders the new Gobernador to arrest Montero. Evidently, Alejandro believed he could simply pose in front of Montero and arrest him, but Montero socks him, and in the confusion as soldiers rush to Alej’s aid, Montero grabs the Queen and holds her hostage with a gun to her throat. Everyone has a new reason to be muy impactado.

At Mangle’s house, she and Olmos continue their struggle. He wants affection before he leaves for Spain; she’d prefer to not be raped. She manages to push him to the ground and grabs an oil lamp that she throws at him. It breaks and sets him aflame. Olmos [not yet having the benefit of those “Stop! Drop! And Rolllllll Around PSAs from a 150 years later] wails in pain. She answers his plea for help by stabbing him with a piece of the cut glass from the lamp.

Agapito is mooching off Tobias and Cata’s food when he hears a noise and prepares to defend himself (ulcer #1)…but it’s only Tobiasina, needing his help to deal with his gunshot graze from Pizarro, but Agapito better get out of the open, since Pizarro is chasing him. Tobiasina, evidently having been passed the VENGEANCE card by Esme, swears that he will get Pizarro even if he dies in the attempt.

Montero has cover from his soldiers as he begins to make his way out of the Palace with the captive Queen. The Duke says “Wait! Take me with you!” and at last the Queen knows for sure what a traitor he is – she had suspected for a while. Zorro advances and Montero orders the soldiers to kill the masked (male) bandit, but Xenameralda knocks the soldier’s gun and the shot fires to the ceiling. Chaos #1 breaks out, and the Gypsies and Padre Tomas lend a hand, a gun butt, and whatever’s available. The whole crowd runs out of the party screaming. Cata, outside waiting against her will for Pizarro, wonders what’s going on. Montero dissembles for the Queen’s armed guards at her coach and tells them that someone has tried to kill her. Her coach drives off with Montero yelling for the soldiers to shoot at will.

[The verbally-challenged super trio, for foreign language, muteness, and sometimes slurred wine speech]Kamba, Bernardo, and Garcia rush in from an alley and join Chaos #2 outside. Kamba impedes a cannon directed at the place from hitting its intended target by wheeling it around and it strikes the wall. In the entryway, Esmeralda assures Zorro she’ll be fine, and he should go after the Queen. She and the Gypsies then scramble to find a suitable hiding place for Sara Kali. Shortly after their exit, Almudena tells Padre Tomas she doesn’t want to leave Alejandro (ulcer #2), but the good Padre insists that she accompany him to the church for safety.

Kamba is gut-checked by a soldier lighting the fuse for a second cannon shot – then the soldier is struck by an arrow out of nowhere….

AMAZONS!!!!!!!

The Los Angeles Women Warriors Association arrives and wars with Montero’s soldiers. In the confusion, Catalina takes the opportunity to run away. Esmeralda is impactada to see her dear friends, trainers [and rawhide/buffalo pelt lingerie models]. Dania and her sister salute the grateful Esme.

CUE AMOR GITANO – OPENING CREDITS

Alejandro has followed Duke Jacobo to the rafters? inside balcony? of the palace and they exchange words about treason, restoring the rightful Queen to the throne, and which one of their dead bodies the other will have to step over to get what he wants. Not satisfied with the edge weapons, Alejandro sheaths his sword in its scabbard and nonverbally challenges Jacobo to a straight fight by raising his boxing fists. Um, not so much, seems to be the Duke’s feeling, though he does manage to get a couple of good punches in before deciding to jump down to the floor – which looks like it has to be at least a good 15 feet below. Alejandro helps out with a shove, and the Duke lands on a table. Alejandro jumps down after him, landing on both feet. Alejandro places Duke Jacobo under arrest and orders his “soldiers” to take him to the prison.

Dania tells Esmeralda that she still owed her one and her sister [whose name I forget] agreed. She notes that there’s something different about Esme, who confirms that she’s got back her baby, her mother, and her man. Does this mean Esme won’t be returning to the tribe? No, she tells Dania ruefully, and they have a group hug. It’s best if the Amazons leave now – things could get dangerous (ulcer #3).

Catalina runs after Pizarro, wanting to know what’s going on. He also wants to know what happened at the party after he fled, having failed to murder Montero. They exchange information: he was stabbed by a degenerate guy dressed as a woman; and she saw Montero take the Queen hostage – AND Esmeralda’s alive. Pizarro is impactado – and perdido. He’s sunk (ulcer #4). But wait! He has an idea, and pulls Catalina along (subtract ulcer #4). She implores him to let her go if he really loves her, because she doesn’t want to go with him. His response is to pull a gun on her and tell her it’s too late for her to choose.

Mangle, still a little shaken from her barbeque with Olmos, encounters Santiago in another room in her house. He’s brought the baby, after running through an obstacle course of nannies, soldiers, and hacienda men. Distracted, she complains that he has brought the child to the first place los de la Vega will look. He needs to take him somewhere else. She goes to get his money. Santiago commiserates with Alejandrito about his mother. Hearing someone enter off screen, he looks up and his expression changes to mild horror.

Bernardo intercepts Dololes’ and Amelia’s coach – the two women are devastated (ulcers 4 and 5, possibly gastroenteritis), and fill him in on Santiago’s kidnapping of Alejandrito. Bernardo rushes to tell Diego (ulcer #6).

Esme and Sara Kali [not quite as pressed about finding a hiding place, as they are still in the street] compare the suffering they experienced when they each thought the other was dead, and the way they missed each other, even before they “met.” Esmeralda promises her mother that they will be together from now on.

Zorro approaches El Callao and dispatches each soldier one by one. The petite Cifuentes runs at the masked (male) bandit with an early, Western version of the rebel yell, but stops dead in his tracks in front of the hero. Just don’t kill me, he says, as he offers Z his sword. All Zorro wants is to know where Montero is, and where he might have taken the Queen, but Cifuentes doesn’t know anything. Reinforcements arrive, but Cifuentes holds them off from attacking our hero.

Esme and Sara Kali, now trying to hide, are found by Renzo. He lets them know that Hermes is safe, and Jonas and Azucena are waiting for them around the corner. “Princess?” he hopefully addresses Esme [and her expression suggests she could write the For Men version of the book He’s Just Not That Into You]. She reluctantly hears his words of happiness, barely meeting his eyes. While he talks about being happy to see HER, and to know SHE’s alive, she says how much she missed all of THEM, and wanted to be back with her PEOPLE again…but first she had to take care of her VENGEANCE! They leave for safety.

We see what Santiago has made the fish face at: Olmos [looking like the “Massive Head Wound Harry” character from Dana Carvey’s years on Saturday Night Live] begs him to tell the authorities that the person who murdered him was Mariangel Sanchez de Moncada. Santiago smells a rat [and burnt flesh]. Olmos must’ve done something to Mangle to warrant that act, but Olmos denies it. The woman destroys everything she touches. In fact, she doesn’t even love the child Santiago now holds – she’s just using him to get money from Diego de la Vega. Santiago is impactado. He tells himself what a huge mistake he’s made (ulcer #7). From behind, Mangle has returned with his “payment,” which consists of a dagger swipe to his right arm. Santiago accuses her of tricking him, but she says no, I just used you [which is one level above lying to him, but two levels below betraying him]. Evidently the dagger wound is pretty debilitating, as it prevents the 6-foot-plus Santiago from preventing the 5-4 or less Mangle from taking the baby from his arms. She curses at SM and Olmos as she leaves.

Montero arrives with the captive Queen at Chez Incarceration, newly staffed after the massacre of Leroy and the other “hombres de confianza” by Pizarro at the weapons drop. He sends the men out to kill the Queen’s driver. Montero blames Fernando for the imprisonment of SK, but the Queen spits back at him that no one else probably ordered him to do the things he did to Esmeralda. Won’t you please just sit down, make yourself comfortable, and shut up, he asks the Queen. When Montero is found, the Queen will order him to be killed [Montero would like a method that doesn’t require a hood – can’t touch the hair] Montero, tired of hearing from another nagging woman besides Mangle, forgoes the seat and makes the Queen go into the special Comandante Suite in the basement.

Bernardo finds Diegorro and tells him that Santiago kidnapped the baby – Diegorro suspects SM took the babe to Mangle (ulcer #8).

Santiago’s expression as he helps Olmos rise from the ground and sit in a chair resembles that of Mariangel when she woke up from the potion. Olmos fills him in on Mangle’s lamp-glass attack, leaving out little details like the incident that let up to it. He further informs Santiago [and as Cathy would say, the rest of the viewing audience, especially those folks tuning in for the last two weeks of the novela] that the baby Mangle stole isn’t even hers, but Diego’s and Esmeralda’s, born during her imprisonment by Montero. Mangle’s baby was born dead, and he switched the babies, etc, etc, etc. Olmos wants SM’s help to flee the city, but Santiago determines that he must find Mariangle. Olmos yells that only he knows where she is, and Santiago relents.

Gerardo, Olmos’ “hombre de confianza” opens the door despite Pizza not using the secret knock this time. Pizza wants to know where the hell Olmos is. He orders a soldier to find Olmos and bring him there ASAP. Pizza is tense, as are his associates and captives, G, Cata, and Laisha (ulcers 9, 10, and 11).

Alejandro is planning the search for Monte and the Reina, and dispatches his men. Almudena arrives, having escaped Padre Tomas’ evil protective clutches. Alejandro is relieved to see her, but wants Dena to go back to the hacienda. No way, JosAlej – she needs to see Esme. She confirms that she knew Esme was alive, but had promised to keep the secret. Amelia and Dololes rush in with the horrible news of the baby-napping. Into this anguished scene, Esme arrives with SK and Dena runs to hug her surrogate daughter. Esme feels the need to introduce Dena to SK [wouldn’t these ladies have met in Spain?], and Esme’s two mothers embrace warmly. Unfortunately, Alejandro has to break the news that his grandson has been kidnapped. Esmeralda is quite a bit more than impactada.

Santiago begs Olmos to help him find Alejandrito. Olmos agrees, but only if SM will allow him to punish Mangle afterward. It’s a deal. Pizza’s soldier interrupts the plotters , and he stares in horror at Olmos Kruger.

Mangle’s arrival at Chez Incarceration wakes up the snoring Montero –and she’s brought the baby. [In an improbably sweet and unexpected scene] Montero gets all gushy to finally meet “his” son. Montero lets Mangle know that their world is turned upside down – Esmeralda is alive AND Sara Kali is alive AND Pizarro betrayed him AND he had to kidnap the Queen to escape and now she’s in the basement. This starts a fight, and Montero picks up and soothes the crying baby, disturbed by his shouting caregivers.

Pizarro wants to leave ASAP, and signs don’t point to Olmos’ arrival. He instructs Gerardo that if Olmos isn’t there an hour before the express ship to Spain sails, they’re leaving without him. He then proceeds to yell at Catalina to stop crying. Laisha observes this sadly.

As Mangle predicted, folks arrive at her house to search for the baby. Esme finds blood on the floor, and a baby bonnet/blanket [?] Diegorro arrives; Bernardo told him about the napping, and he reassures Esme that Mangle won’t harm the baby – they need to use him for money. Does Esme remember at all where she was incarcerated? Yes, in hard-to-find cabin, which turns out to be a site Diego had visited, but didn’t return to, thinking Montero wouldn’t use it again after Zorro discovered it. They’ll go investigate the cabin, but they have to be veeeeeerrrrry careful – Montero may have set a trap.

Montero plans his escape with his men while Mangle listens, uninterested and annoyed. Like a dutiful father, Montero asks her if it isn’t time for her to feed their son, and she snaps at him that she’s not a cow – find an Indian woman to take care of that! Turning back to business, Montero instructs his man Macario to prepare the gunpowder, which they’ll set up to get rid of anyone who comes to Chez Incarceration searching for him. After the men take off, he returns with a huge smile to play with his son [once again, Montero is truly enchanted with this kid! He probably just sees him as an extension of himself, tho’]

Evidently, Pizarro’s man managed to take off with Santiago and Olmos, but SM manages to disarm him. SM and Olmos take off on their original mission to find Mangle and the baby. The soldier comes to and conveniently mutters out loud – so a following Tobiasina can overhear him – that he’s going back to Pizarro empty-handed. Tobiasina promises that tonight Pizarro will see that “la muerte se presentara vestida de mujer.” (Death will show up dressed as a woman)

Sara Kali is doing planning of her own, with help from Jonas and Renzo. Renzo notes Ana Camila off to the side, quiet. What is it? She feels silly telling him this, but she thought she noticed something about the way he looked at Esmeralda, his great love, returned from the dead [Hmmmm… feeling silly? Does that warrant an ulcer? Sure – ulcer #12]. There’s nothing to fear about him and Esme – he loves Ana Camila. When the Second Annual Gypsy Queen Quest is over, they’ll discuss this in-depth, and she accepts that.

Pizarro is doing reassuring of his own, for Catalina [in his own gruff, against-the-woman’s-will sort of way]. His soldier bursts in with the news that he was attacked by Olmos’ associate on the way back to this barn/cabin. That’s it! Pizarro wants to leave NOW! But then, Tobiasina bursts in – with 19th century wig cap, and black evening gown - there’s no way you’re taking my woman, Pizarro! Tobiasina is there to get his VENGEANCE!!! Catalina looks ready to swoon in happiness at this romantic, dashing, suicidal gesture by her man; Pizza looks bemused or annoyed [as interpreted by his moving his eyes side to side and shifting his head a little].

The masked (female) bandit suits up. Garcia is worried about this next mission (ulcer #13), but Esme isn’t going alone – she’ll be with Zorro. Because they’re tracking Montero, it’s not safe for Garcia to be seen. She also has to be careful to protect Zorro’s identity. Garcia’s ears prick up - does la senora know the true identity of Zorro? She asks him to not ask any more questions, but softens the blow by thanking him for supporting her quest to find her son – his grandson. They share a tender moment as she reminds him that he is her son’s grandson and always will be.

Montero, Mangle, and his Not-So-Merry Men camp out in the forest for the night before they head to the coast in the morning. Montero corrects Mangle that they are actually more safe because they have the Queen in their possession than they would be without her. Mangle finally sees the humor in the situation – the supreme military authority of Los Angeles is now a fugitive. He reminds her that she is, too, and now they have their son with them. Montero wishes he could have seen Diego de la Vega’s face when he learned the child wasn’t his…oh,well. Mangle still doesn’t believe they can shake Diego that easily, after all, he is Zorro. Well, Montero snarks, if he goes looking for us at Chez Incarceration, he’ll get an explosive surprise…

Meanwhile, back at said shack…

The Man and Woman in Black case the joint. They suspect the captives are in the basement. Before they go in, Diegorro tells Esmeralda that if something happens, she is to get away as far as possible with the baby – he’ll “cover” her escape. He pulls down her train robber bandanna and they kiss passionately yet tenderly. When they pull back from the kiss, they hear a voice from the foliage. “Don’t move.” Esme re-masks and with Diego turns to face Santiago Michelena, who has a firm expression and an even firmer grasp on the pistol he points at them…

END OF EPISODE
Ulcer count: 13
The official last ep of the show will be Monday, July 23rd!

Labels: Zorro

Your temporary fill-in recapper here. I love Yo Amo a Juan Querendon, the first Mexican farce I've ever seen!

• We start with the cute jammies-only birthday party for Nidia; the scores of candles on her cake go up like a torch (I did this once, I put 50 or 60 candles on a cake, I don't recommend it). Juan's happy voiceover: "This is what keeps me with them... Doña Nidia's a little concerned about getting older but she should enjoy every one of her years." They decide they'll have a 'little' party that night.
  
  
• Chelo, the maid at CL and Monika's house, picks up the fainted wife. Monika thinks she's anemic - then the Doctor muses that she's under way too much stress and a heart attack at her age is likely to be fatal! But of course it turns out she's pregnant. "How could that happen, no puede ser, I'm so careful, there's no room in my plans for children."
  
  The maid dishes out one Public Service Announcement after another about the joy of having children, the miracle of life inside you etc., and that maybe this is best, the missus has been jetting around way too much, leaving the massah on his own too often, and that is, uh, not so good for marriage. A kid is just the ticket. And besides, a couple as gorgeous as Monica and CL should have a dozen children.
  
  
• Pastor wakes up, wrapped in red satin sheets, still wearing his apron and satin shirt, way hungover. He immediately calls Juan (interrupted just as he's about to dive for a piece of birthday cake): "Juanito, I feel terrible, in fact fatal, there are birdies flying around my head, help me, I never drank so much (cries), nothing went as I'd planned, I don't even remember what happened." Juan, very relieved to hear this, assures him everything last night went great.
  
  "Juanito, please come get me right away." "NOW???!!" "Please don't shout." Juan says he can be there in half an hour; he lies to the ladies that he's needed for a big important problem at work.
  
  At Pastor's borrowed flat (where the Silver Fox used to boink Yvonne) Juan whips up a hangover remedy. Pastor morosely apologizes for complaining when Juan's been "such a prince." He attacks him from behind to deliver "an embrace of appreciation." Juan says, "Aw it's nothing, it's what friends do for each other," then says he can't be Pastor's date that night since he has to attend his aunt's birthday party. Pastor wrings from him a promise that they'll be together the next day.
  
  Juan drives Pastor home; Pastor half-heartedly proposes that Juan come in to say hi to Mommy Dearest. Juan is about to slip off, afraid to face "The Panther," when her rasping screech is heard. "This is some hour to be arriving home, decent people never sleep away from their own houses and especially not with mulletheads like HIM. Pastor, go wait in your room, I'll deal with you later, right now I'll talk to this monkey."
  
  To Juan: "I'm fed up with this to the crown of my head. Look here, boy, don't you hurt my idiot drunken son. I'll have to scrape him up off the sidewalk with a spatula, he falls in love with any old hairball, even that Fernando [Juan begins to smile in dazed appreciation that he'll have this hitherto-secret tidbit to blackmail Fernando with], they were friends for just a few months then Fernando jilted him. Don't you dare treat my boy badly, ok now to change the subject, would you like to stay and eat?" Juan, startled: "Oh, no, no, I can't, I..." "Just as well, I didn't want you anyway, I was only being polite." "Well, next time..."
  
  "I hope," she concludes sternly, "there won't be a next time."
  
  
• In their cute little yellow shirts and caps the seminar participants in Tasco are engaging in bonding activities - e.g., a scavenger hunt. Paula cheerfully participates but Cesar wanders around by himself and doesn't even try. Paula visits him on the greensward, does some industrial-strength flirting, shows him how to hold his compass. "You're not even trying, after all these years of owning a corporation you've never learned how to be part of a team?" He says teamwork and cooperation aren't part of his style.
  
  
• Yvonne calls Ana (Paula's mother) yet again and says: "You might want to warn Paula, who's messing with a married man, that his wife is on the way to Tasco and would not like to find her husband in bed with your daughter." Ana tries calling Paula but they don't connect.
  
  
• Parafan yells at the flower vendor that the flowers are too expensive, it's robbery, "You've just lost a first-rate customer."
  
  He arrives at Nidia's with a huge bunch of luridly died carnations which Yadira judges to be third-rate: "He's so putadisimo with you, ma!" (I think that means cheap or like a son of a bitch.)
  
  In a moment of weakness Nidia asks Yadira timidly: "Do you think Alirio and I would make a good couple?" "Do you love him?" "I, uh, esteem him, he does whatever I want and I don't meet many men like that..." "But do you love him?" "With time, maybe I could learn to love him..."
  
  Nidia's eye starts to twitch like Lety's and as she equivocates and finally admits she doesn't love him, Yadira gives a resounding thumbs down. "Ma, a good man needs to have: money, eyes, mouth, hands, ("chomi, chomi"), he has to move well and not be a pest, and Alirio flunks all these criteria so forget him!"
  
  Juan primps in his boudoir mirror, debating whether to tie his hair back like a horse's tail, "But that would hide my highlights!" He lets it free and flips it as Gaviota does. "I'll wrap myself up like a present for them!" He sashays out the door in an ecstasy of self-approbation and runs into Marely in her black minidress. "Oh, the next world beauty queen, I need a pretty girl to take to the party." She says he looks elegant and he modestly replies, "One does one's best."
  
  Nidia descends the stairs a la Marilyn Monroe, to extended applause: feather boa, elbow-length gloves, spangles on her eyelids, an inverted silver cone on her hair. Alirio presents the beautiful birthday girl to the assembled multitude, then asks how she likes the flowers. She doesn't - they're cheap carnations - he should have at least coughed up for roses!
  
  As the party progresses, Juan is in a corner trying unsuccessfully to get Fernando to back off with Yadira because Enrique really loves her (while Fern's only known her for a week)...
  
  Suddenly that selfsame recently discarded fiancee shows up uninvited. He has a present for Nidia and makes a pretty speech, and after the third or fourth compliment Nidia invites him to stay, ignoring Yadira's furious signals. He and Fernando glower at each other.
  
  Yadira drags Ma into another room to yell about Kike's presence; she says she (heh) doesn't have room in her life for a pathetic chauffeur (Enrique). (Remember, she thinks Fernando is a rich impresario.)
  
  Nidia says Kike has been a member of the family since long before he was Yadira's BF and that Samuel (the dead husband) liked him. My closed captions weren't working so I'm not sure, but it's possible she said Samuel started that way too and Kike is following the same road. Yadira = unmoved. She says blood's gonna run in the street.
  
  
• I reluctantly end this recap with a brief summary of all the nauseating, boring Paula vs. the Silver Fox scenes. All are performed with goo-goo aka bedroom eyes, half opened mouths with little bits of saliva dripping discreetly down both chins.
  
  Paula, with a soupçon of coy candor, breathes: "Mom says I'm an innocent gazelle and you are an implacable predator seeking another trophy for your collection." She says she's going to bed early, he begs her not to, she leaves, she soon returns, having removed her little shawl to reveal her deliciously protuberant breast implants squeezed out over the top of her scarlet minidress.
  
  To the tiresome sound of a thousand undeserved cymbal crashes and some idiotic "sweet nothings," Paula squeezes out of Cesar Luis the confession that he's wanted to carry her off to bed since the first moment he first saw her... but now... he wants... (more drool)... to make love with her. And this is quite clearly what she's been angling for, as well.
  
  Therefore I decree: Paula, joining Juan on the list of those who are causing their own downfalls by their own actions, now deserves everything that may happen to her. Let the blood run in the streets.

Labels: Juan