Caray, Caray!

Luigi's bilious attack - brought on by the discovery that Aldo has lovingly inscribed his book to Lety the Platypus rather than to Luigi - turns to noisy rage. He criticises Aldo's poor taste, grows indignant over his "deception," and marvels that, rather than fixing on somebody good-looking ("Even Ali Boobies!"), the sexy handsome Aldo has defied the proper order of the universe by fixing his interest on someone ugly.

The furious screams can be heard in the next room (where Alicia's corsetry is looking more like Marie Antoinette's than ever). Pituca and Pitaca (aka Omar and Fern), their curiosity piqued, peer around the corner and hear Luigi make a fateful telephone call to Aldo's publishers. Pretending to be Aldo, Luigi tells them to re-direct the book shipment to an address in the middle of nowhere. He hangs up snarling, "Aldo, you'll pay, you'll all pay!"

In Omar's office it's Chin Cham Pu again for the chair. Chin Cham Pu is either the same as paper-scissors-rock or is, here, followed by that other time-honored way to see who gets the Seat of Power. Fern takes the throne.

"Should we intervene and thwart Luigi's trick?" Fern is of two minds. On the one hand, he would certainly enjoy watching Aldo be embarrassed. On the other hand, Aldo's book event is critical to Conceptos' survival. (Omar brings up Fern's idea of the giant wooden book rolling into the Expo on little bitty wheels.) Fern debates further: "It's Lety's project. I'd love to stick it to that stupid DomensaEEN but I can't do that to mi Lety."

Fern gets all hyper-ventilated - let's review, he's rattled trying to decide whether it's worth flushing the whole Conceptos recovery down the drain simply to annoy Aldo. In order to calm his nerves he decides to prune his bonsai tree; when he calls for the scissors, Omar realizes that in actual fact HE, Omar, had won the deciding game. "Hey, stone wins over paper! You tricked me!" They trade places.

At the presentation (it looks like a crummy little cafeteria in a hospital basement) Aldo has completely lost his New Age cool, he is ruffled and desperate because his book hasn't arrived. [I kept thinking, "Jeez, get over it," but the principle of All Filler All The Time dictates that this must be a great emergency. -- Ed.] Luigi watches from behind a column while all agonize over the missing books.

(Aldo's dad meets Lety's parents and there is mutual admiration.)

Meanwhile ... in the middle of nowhere, in the rain, delivery guys are trying to figure out where to leave Aldo's books since the specified address is locked up and dark. (Tell me why these guys don't have a cellphone to call the office.)

Fern and Omar drive up; Fern says: "We'll implement Plan A, and if that doesn't work, we'll go to Plan B." Fern tries to convince the delivery guys to give him the books (calling them "little booklets of recipes") but the guys aren't having it, so he coughs into his hand, "PLAN B!" He engages the guys in fatuous, frenetic conversation while Omar removes all the packets of books from their truck. If you like pratfalls, there was one. The guys like Fern so much they ask him to suck down some tequilas with them, but he and Omar make a getaway.

Aldo is onstage, his voice breaking with emotion, sadly cancelling his presentation, when Omar and Fern burst in with arms full of books (more pratfalls). Luigi is dumbfounded: "Super Pituca and Pitaca to the rescue, it can't be!"

Aldo's father takes the mic and says, "I'm proud to present this book, I haven't read it yet, but it proves my son is a great chef who deserves his success. Aldo, I'm glad you disobeyed me and followed your dream!" All rise in spontaneous ovation! Props to dad from Aldo, who says further, "Somebody once called my tome a 'little booklet of recipes'..." ("Who would have such bad taste?" mutters Fern, who was the somebody.) "... that wasn't my intention. Each of us should live in our own way, and my way is in this book."

Luigi staggers off backstage wondering why Fern helped Aldo - "Does he know Aldo loves the Elephant Woman? What can I do NOW to make this the worst night of their lives?"

Meanwhile Carla, all dolled up, is waiting in her hotel lobby. Fern forgot to come for her. She's sure it's because of Lety.

The presentation is over. Erasmo confides to Aldo: "I didn't really understand all that stuff about the connection between Taste and Life." "It'll take a lot of time to explain it," warns Aldo. "That's OK, I have a little bottle put away for special occasions."

Most everybody's gone; Omar and Fern see Aldo and Lety nuzzle and exchange a sweet little kiss. Aldo asks Lety to leave: "I have to have a talk with MANDIOLA and it won't be a friendly one." Fern and Aldo are so hilarious together - they dodge and weave through the tables, wishing they could sock each other some more. They end up in a hallway squabbling, prodding, and picking at each other except when they greet passing guests (graciously and in unison).

"It's not enough you tried to ruin my presentation, now you want to make a scene with your boxing?" "I rescued your books so you wouldn't look like an idiot, I did it for Lety."

The delivery guy shows up with the police and wants to get Fern arrested. (He calls Fern "the little blond" again, which surprises both Aldo and Fern. "He said that before" Fern confides perplexedly.)

Aldo says everything is fine and signs for the books. Fern says it wasn't he, Fern, who made the dastardly phone call diverting the books to the boonies. Aldo believes him. Lety doesn't, though, saying: "He's an expert liar." Anais shows up again, with Caro. She wants to interview Lety. Yawn.

Tomas shows up at Alicia's desk and invites her to the expo. "And we can take my car." "You mean MY car." "Let's say, OUR car."

She goes off to repair her makeup and comes back so guapa that Tomas's hands are magnetically attracted to her immense, pressurized, artificial globes. Hovering and having a mimisqui of his own, he's almost reached his goal when Marcia shows up, furious. The reason she's been so delayed? Alicia forgot to confirm her plane reservation! "And Alicia, were you about to leave?" "Yes," crows Tomas, who's been thoughtbubbling "This is my lucky night." "Uh, no, I was waiting for you," says Alicia.

Fern, twitching in the way we have come to know as an outer manifestation of his insane love and jealousy, tells Omar: "I didn't tell DomensaEEN who really made the call because I have no wish to get in good with him, I just wanted to help Lety." Omar suddenly realizes Fern has forgotten, in the excitement, to pick up Carla. "Capital crime! Infamy! Who would stand up a bonbon like Carla?"

Carla has just now arrived at the Expo under her own steam. Fern rushes past her and then realizes he doesn't have to hurry since she's already here. He spins some vague blather about a tiny problem which was nonetheless very "grave" and Carla surmises it must have had something to do with Lety, and he complains, "You think everything is about Lety."

He says she looks divine, and they get closer and closer, and he's very nervous, and she says, "Well it doesn't matter now, I'm here and we're going to have a great evening," and the Golden Circle of Goodbye closes around their faces.

Labels: fea

We start with Sylvie sobbing after Camila pulled off her wig in front of all 10 party guests, revealing that Sylvie is bald. Camila apparently had no idea, despite living with Sylvie for how long now? 50 episodes? I have to say I feel so bad for poor Sylvie; one should not be messing with a woman's hair. Kike and Larry think it's funny. Figures. The rest of the room is impactada. This revelation certainly eclipses whatever scene F/G thought she'd make with her exit.

Max is waxing poetic about his passionate kiss with Diana. He needs to get a life.

Doc Evil is also waxing poetic about his "near-kiss" with Diana. He's all but salivating. Andres tells him he sounds like a broken record. Andres is right! We then get treated to hearing all the things Doc Evil wants to do with Diana. Ugh!

Sylvie is still sobbing. Lunkhead makes the astute observation, "You're bald!" No putting one past Psycho Mansion's resident genius. Emili-Oh, ever the gentleman, brings a coat and covers Sylvie's head. He's such a gem! Anyway, Octave asks F/G if she's satisfied now. F/G says she is, and adds the party was a circus. Diana lags behind just long enough to sidle up to the Real Marfil and whisper, "I'm going to take away your husband." Marfil stands there doing her best dragon lady impersonation.

Meanwhile back at Isabel's, Debora, the Gunsmoke escapee, is tied to the bed and thankfully gagged. Isabel walks in gloating, while Debora is trying to scream while gagged. Isabel happily tells Debora where's she's located; on the same bed and in the same house where Debora held Marfil prisoner! Marfil has now turned the tables.

Marfil walks into Max's room; obviously Max has nothing to say to her. She wants him to kiss her the way he was kissing "the nurse." "Not tonight dear, I've got a headache," replies Max. He then tells Marfil to return to her own room. Double-whammy for Marfil tonight; first she catches Max with the nurse, then Max banishes her to the other bedroom. It's just not her night!

Octave is ranting about what a scandal the party turned out to be. She's so humiliated. Peyote thinks it's the best party the joint has ever seen. Octave's parties are always so boring and tiring. This was a circus! It just doesn't get any better! Max comes sashaying down the staircase and walks by the coven without saying a word. Octave wants to know where he's going. Max is silent. Peyote cheerfully tells him good-bye. Apparently Peyote was the only one who thought the party was fun. Everyone else, including Alex, Nina, and I, thought the party was a total snooze.

Pilar is chewing on Larry for looking at Gaby during the party. More jealous rants; nothing new. It ends with Larry telling Pilar that Gaby is more beautiful than Pilar. At this point, Octave walks into the room and wants a moment alone with Pilar.

F/G escorts the girls into their house, gloating about how much of a success the evening was. She's got them all convinced the three of them are so much better than everyone else. F/G is as delusional as the rest of the motley crew at Psycho Mansion. About the only one with any class at the party was Emili-Oh. F/G continues to try and stir up the girls, "Did you see the looks on Max and Larry's faces? You've made them suffer!" Diana, who is smirking, likes this idea. ***I'm beginning to think Diana and Diego deserve one another.*** Poor Little Doormat just feels awful about Larry. She admits she's not as strong as her sister. F/G leaves and Gaby goes to bed.

BBBBBRRRRRNNNNGGGG! It's the phone. Since Diana is answering it, I can bet the call is for her! Sure enough, it's Doc Evil. Suspenseful music hits a crescendo!

Debora is still trying to scream. Boy, that gag has been the highlight of this show! Isabel is adding salt to the wound by pointing out Marfil has returned to her place at Psycho Mansion alongside Max, while Debora gets to stay at Psycho Apartment until Marfil figures out the rest of her little plan. Woe is Debora. Isabel is laughing as she tells Debora it's "night-night" time and pulls out a syringe.

Marfil is in her bedroom complaining to Brun-A (note the "a" since she actually is looking like a woman now) about Max leaving for whereabouts unknown. Marfil is also whining about Diana. Bruna asks about the change in outfits; Marfil kind of brushes off the question and changes the subject. Bruna thought-bubbles, "Could this be Marfil? If so, what has happened to Debora? Did Marfil kill Debora?" Marfil tells Bruna to leave.

Marfil thought bubbles, "I can't let Bruna know I'm the real Marfil. Bruna is a traitor who took Debora's side!"

Octave tells Pilar she will never forgive her for standing up Luscious Larry at the altar. Ever. Pilar is apologetic and trying to grovel when Octave tells her to stop. Although what Pilar did was unforgivable, Octave wants to form an alliance with Pilar to destroy the Little Doormat. Suddenly Pilar is falling all over herself to help out Octave. Octave won't regret it. Octave can count on her. Yada, yada, yada. Octave, it seems, has a plan. She's going to make a call tomorrow.

Doc Evil is telling Diana how much he was turned on by her, and how much he wants her. She tells him she's a married woman. He replies her marriage is no biggie, he has to have her. "I'm not the same woman I was before," says Diana. "I know," says Doc Evil, "I like this woman better." The whole exchange is so slimy it has the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. Finally Doc Evil hangs up and Diana tells us Doc Evil is the biggest example of trash. She plans to direct the worst of her vengeance against him. Ominous music plays.

Diana now walks into the bedroom where Diego is hanging out. "Do you realize it's 3:00 in the morning? A decent woman doesn't stay out so late. What happened between you and Max?" asks Diego. "What could happen?" replies Diana. More squabbling. Diana tells him to keep his voice down or he'll wake the baby. Diana then announces she's going to get a glass of water. Diego never asks who just called at 3:00 am. There's a knock on the door as Diana is in the living room. Grand Central Station! It's now Max.

Camila arrives at Doc Evil's apartment sin Sylvie. "What a night! First Diana is all dolled up like something out of a 1970's prom, then Sylvie turns out to be bald." Apparently, Sylvie is over at Emili-Oh's apartment because she is so inconsolable. Doc Evil gloats that he almost got to kiss Diana. Camila is impactada. Doc Evil then starts forcing himself on Camila to make up for his striking out with Diana. Camila tries to fight him off, saying she doesn't want to be his "second plate." After struggling for awhile, Camila starts enjoying this moment of passion.

Max says he needs to see Diana to tell her how beautiful she looked at the party. Although he prefers the sweet Diana, this new Diana will do. He wants to know why she's changed. Diana asks if he's come to her house to take her by force. "No," says Max, "I have to see you again and kiss you." D—"I'm not the same stupid nurse who worked at your house. She died. I hate you!" Max tries to defend his actions. M—'"Why have you changed?" D—I changed because of YOU!" Dramatic music plays.

Yolanda is in Octave's room asking why Yolanda is still up. "I can't sleep." Yolanda says she understands. Octave rants some more about F/G. Yolanda leaves to get some tea to help Octave sleep.

Max and Diana are still sniveling. She hates him for not believing in her, for hurting her, for "victimizing" her, etc. He keeps apologizing and saying how much he loves her. This goes on far too long. Finally Max tells Diana she's never going to be happy without him. He then walks out. Diana tells herself she's not going to cry or be a coward.

F/G is telling Paco how wonderful the evening went. Her daughters were brilliant. Paco wants to know what happened with Octave. "She was on her best behavior." Paco mistakenly thinks that F/G will drop her moronic plan for revenge. F/G quickly dispels him of that fantasy.

Sylvie is still crying at Emili-Oh's house and he's still trying to console her. She is devastated that she was the laughing stock in front of everyone, including Larry. Emili-Oh is being very sweet. I really like Emili-Oh's hair when it's not slicked back. Finally, Emili-Oh leaves to go to the beach and work out. Sylvie just wants to be alone.

Debora has a visitor. It's Marfil. More of the "Payback's a Perra." For some stupid reason, Marfil tells Isabel to remove the gag. Debora's mouth goes into over-drive. The gist of this whole ridiculous scene is Marfil saying she initially wanted Debora to rot in jail, but now she just wants her dead. Debora wants to know about Bruna. "Bruna has no idea I've returned!" She then walks out and Isabel re-gags Debora, thankfully. Isabel asks if it's true Marfil plans to kill Debora. Marfil calmly tells Isabel she'll let her know later. "As you wish," says an agreeable and loyal Isabel.

Emili-Oh runs into Larry at the beach. They discuss the "exciting" party of the night before. Up walks Kike and a pissing match starts over Gaby. Larry tells Kike to stay away from his wife.

Rene and Peyote are hanging out at the pool. She announces she is going to get married. Rene thinks that's a dumb idea, "What do you see in that loser?"

Caramel and Pancho are in Paco's office. Pancho wants to discuss a business deal. Paco wants to know what kind of business deal since last he knew Pancho didn't have a job. It seems Pancho wants to have a lady's night and charge a $20 cover charge. Paco says he runs a decent establishment and doesn't want anything so cheesy, although last I looked, his nautical theme certainly can't be mistaken for some pricey joint in Beverly Hills. Pancho tells Caramel "I told you so!" Caramel then starts applying the pressure to Daddy Dearest until he caves.

Octave is paying a visit to Reynoso. She's come to make a deal. Reynoso refuses to betray F/G. Octave offers to deposit one million dollars in an account in the Grand Cayman Islands. Reynoso says he's already got enough money. Octave then pulls a gun on him. The choice is his.

Emili-Oh has to separate Larry and Kike. Kike taunts Larry "If Gaby is your wife, why are you separated? You can have Pilar, I like Gaby better!" Larry is apoplectic.

Diego is on the patio painting more of those ghoulish paintings. Now his pallet contains black, gray, brown, and now, TAN!!!!! Diana announces she wants to go back to work at the hospital as a nurse. Diego doesn't want her working. Of course the argument escalates to him wanting to know if she kissed anyone at the party and how convenient it is that the day after the party, Diana suddenly wants to go back to work. The usual. Does it ever end?

Caramel is babbling on and on about her dad agreeing to Pancho's business proposition. It's a start. Pancho points out it is only because Caramel talked Paco into it. Caramel tells Pancho she's going to keep a close eye on him. "Me? What for? I'm a saint!" states Pancho. Caramel then announces she wants a baby. Pancho asks, "What on earth for? We're young!" He then walks out and Caramel is tripping over her bottom lip.

Octave and Reynoso are arguing. Octave is demanding the proof he has against her. It's in the court, says Reynoso. "Liar!" She pulls a gun and they wrestle. The gun appears to be pointing at the ground when we hear a shot. Reynoso looks impactado!

Diana is talking to the director of the hospital. When she hangs up, she tells Diego she's going to start work the following day. Diego asks about Doc Evil and Diana replies she's not afraid of him. Diego then wants to know if she'll be seeing Max. "Of course not!" Diego whines that he wishes Diana would love him. Diana thought bubbles "I wish I could." Diego asks if she thinks she'll ever love him. Diana is thought bubbling, "I'm going to try to make myself love him, but he just doesn't trip my trigger the way Max does." Her little reverie is broken up by Diego pointing out she hasn't answered his question. Boy this exchange is getting old and boring.

Reynoso has just fallen to the floor. He tells Octave she'll never get away with it. Octave steps on the camera with her red, pointy CFM shoe, and then on Reynoso. "You're going to denounce me? I won't let you!" She then fires two more shots.

Diana is bringing Diego juice when the phone rings. Shock of shocks, it's Max. He wants to talk. With Diego sitting right there she says she's got to go because Max is crying. "The baby? You've named the baby Max? Is he my son?" Lots of dramatic music as the credits roll.

Labels: acorralada

Jalisco is known as the birthplace of Tequila & Mariachi. It also has the largest population of "European/white" folks...

Jalisco borders the Pacific Ocean to the west, the state of Nayarit to the northwest, to the north Zacatecas, Aguascalientes, San Luis Potosi, to the east is Guanajuato and the southern borders are Colima & Michoacan. Guadalajara is the capital, which kinda explains the whole Mariachi belting out of Guadalajara..Guadalajara. The state only has .4% indigenous population, the majority of the population is Mestizo and Criollio, there is a great deal of Slavic, French and German ancestry and during the French intervention (1863-1867) the populations all mixed...Well shout out to Cinco de Mayo & the French on general principles, four years and the populations got all mixed...ahhh those French.

The story begins in this really like fast forward thing where our hero "Rodrigo Montalvo" throws back a couple of doble tequilas, with our equally bewitching heroine "Gaviota" (no last name as that seems to be up for debate), next thing a little literal rollin in the agave. NOTE: Tequila is made from agave, which is not a catus but a member of the lily and amaryllis family. Rod is on a bus saying he'll be back in a year. Gav is telling her mother, Clara, she is pregnant and off to find Rod, well gee he went to London, so now that we narrowed that down.
Anyway she hooks up with some photographer, who promises to take her to Paris. Gav shows her mother, Clara a map showing that Gay Paree is just a hop, skip and a chunnel ride to London. Well we see her sitting in front of the Eiffel Tower, now she is in London. She is standing on a street corner, & good golly Miss Molly, Rod is on the other corner, Gav calls his name, he looks around, she runs across the street and she is hit hard enough that her body flies half way to Scotland, in the distance you can hear "Bravehart Bravehart; incoming". I was seriously having a WTF moment.

Okay, now we go back in time...Two oldsters are arriving in Tequila, Jalisco, Mexico...By the By Tequila is a real town in Jalisco...Wikipedia you gotta love it.
Anyway the old guy Don Amador is breathing hard and basically has come home to die. No where does the air smell as it does in Tequila, the guy has a close feel for the land.

Now on a bus traveling on a rural rock road...(hey the roads in Guererro look just like that only those boulders are bigger)..Gav is belting out a Mariachi tune along with a Mariachi band who happens to be on the bus also, everyone is having a fine time.
The bus arrives in what I assume to be Tequila, the people are picked up to go pick the Agave. Yep Clara and her daughter Gav are migrant workers, they have just gotten back from Chihuahua, where the weather was muy frio. Gav looks pretty fresh for having worked in the fields her entire life. NOTE: my husband did that until he was seventeen, in Mexico, yes it sucks, it is one of the lower rungs on the ladder.
A guy trys to help Gav up into the pick-up and she elbows him in the ribs...This Gav, she's a fiesty one.

Meanwhile back at Tequila Acres, Don Amador isn't looking so good & it sounds like he is down to about 10% lung capcity. He gazes out the window and repeats Clarita...Clarita..is that his heavy breathing or is that an anvil falling?
Roman seems to be the main lackey at the ranch, El Patron, tells him he must always give work to Clara & her daughter...Hmmmmmm?

Clara & Gav make themselves at home in their little workers house, they put up the obigatory "Lady of Guadalupe" painting and candles. Gav is going to study her letters, as she never got to go to secondary school and doesn't want to forget how to read and write. Clara says she is gonna slip out for a moment.

Don Amador, too plans to slip out down to the fields, but alas he has a "spell" and must sit down. Pilar questions him about some love he had twenty-five years ago, and she never knew the name...well this send Amador into a death spiral...Well he will take this to the grave. Once again the other woman question and I hear a dropping anvil.

Pilar tells their son Felipe that Pa isn't doing well, Felipe goes upstairs and tries to get Pa to promise he will return to Mexico City, but the writing is already on the wall.

Now Clara returns to the cabin, shanty, whatever and she and Gav sneak up to the big house to watch a TeleNovela, cause they are so romantic. The rich folk have a big ole TV right on the patio and the ladies must be hard of hearing cause that fine TeleNovela sound is blaring, Gav is hanging on every romantic word.

The next day the folks are working out in the fields and Gav is belting out another lively tune, I guess she doesn't know "Swing Low Sweet Chariot", anyway Pilar, that is Mrs. Don is rather annoyed (I think she doesn't want the poor folk to have fun), anyhow to make a long story short, Don takes a turn for the worse, the Padre comes does the official last rites and Don Amador slips out of the land of the living.

Time to make phone calls, Bruno the other son and big exporter to Europe of fine Tequila gets the call that Pa is dead, he will return to Tequila.
Daniela, Rod's sister, who is a twirling dancer in Paris gets a call...she'll be right there. Next Sofia, Rod's other sister, who is in London, gets a call...she tells her boyfriend, James, (I think he is supposed to be English..spoken with a Spanish accent), Sofia and James sound like they are reading dialog from a Hugh Grant movie, "What is it darling". Anyway Sofia too will be going home, James wants to go with her, but she is all What happens in London, stays in London.

Now we see Rod in bed with blonde chick...she is all what's wrong?.she is sneering...He is like I can't...Rod goes out into living room drinking and hanging his head in frustration & shame. Aaron his primo, comes out of another room, with a brunette chick superglued to him...Well, it seems this scenerio has happened before, to Rod at least, I'm thinking this has never evah happened to Aaron. Blondie comes out and tells Rod he is a fraud...ewwwww, snap, sneers somemore and walks out. I'm all thinking she is going straight home to Blog your inadequacies in "MY SPACE", dude you'll be a legend before noon. Aaron and Rod discuss how this always happens, it seems Rod suffers from Chronic Impotence, OMG can't he get a potence transplant? I simply don't know what to say. The phone rings, Rod & Aaron have gotten the word, Gramps is dead, so it is off to Mexico once Aaron gets some superglue remover and gets the burnette off him.

It is funeral time in Tequila, there are all sorts of reporters hanging around the outside of the family compound, this guy was quite the big deal, I bet it was probably like that when "Captain Morgan" died. All this needs is a whiff of scandal and you've got an "Anna Nicole" media frenzy.
The workers are hanging around in the background and we see the family arriving. Clara and Gav are watching the family get out of a car, Clara explains that the first one is Aaron, the next is Sofie, then finally Rodrigo. Gav is muy impacted, it's like she just got the cupid's arrow in the butt. Gav just keeps repeating how guapo he is, and yes he is.

Aaron is quietly talking to someone when in comes Minerva, (bwahaaaa she looks like a Minerva, you could stretch her name out like Minnnnnerrrrva and she'd go all BSC. She is his mi amor, she is in quite a little snit, and is one of those drama queens who keeps getting louder, I think Aaron didn't call her and she had to read about it in the paper. Aaron makes nice with her and she shuts up. Yep it is just the first nite and she is already on my list.

Bruno, who seems a bit cursi, introduces his son Aaron, and comments that he is getting his doctorates is Commercial Finance, he then introduces his nephew, Rod and says he is getting his doctorate in Agricultral Science...A comment is made about Don Amador's love of the land and Rod says he feels the same way about the land. We hear an ominous DONG, and sideways look from Aaron, tells me Aaron has other plans.

Okay the pallbearers all grab the casket and a parade with rockets and a marching band takes Don Amador to the church, I asked my husband if he ever saw a funeral like that in Mexico, but he said no. Damn the French it is no doubt their influence.

At the church, Clara & Gav are hanging around the back door, Clara has some orange wild flowers, Gav wants to take them to the alter, but Clara says no, they are too poor, Gav says the rich and poor are equal in heaven. So Gav proceeds to march right up, meanwhile Rod has gone up and knelt down in front of the alter. Gav goes up and kneels right next to him. Both are praying for the soul of Don Amador, meanwhile Aaron is undressing Gav with his eyes. Gav & Rod turn and look at each other and the air nearly snaps with the electricity...Hmmmm I do believe Rod just had a manhood stirring, and he's in church too.

Gav rises and walks back to the back of the church, Aaron comes up and makes some remark, like, that meat isn't for your plate..(I might be off on that...but anyway alluding to the fact that Rod can't get the job done).

Later the family is back at the compound, lamenting dead Don Amador, the family is discussing, how they all gotta get back to their lives. You can hear singing and this drives Dona Pilar, crazy, she thinks the workers are being disrespectful, what with picking agave and getting on with the business of making her an even more spoiled rich woman.

Of course who else, Gav, damn that girl is feisty and has a set of lungs, Rod comes riding up on a horse, I mean he had to get a horse to get to the fields, that girl can seriously project her voice. He rides along and asks who is singing, all the workers hang their heads in a "don't beat me master" type way, but our little spit fire chimes right in that it was her. Rod back tracts and politely asks her to tone it down cause granny is on edge. He thanks her and when they say good-bye, you know it isn't good-bye, cause they are all enamored with each other.



Tune in tommorrow when Gav shows how well she is doing with her studies by reading to the workers the struggles of Cesar Chavaz

If Clara had a thing with Amador, would Gav be Rod's aunt? Are we one blood tie away from a Greek Tragedy?

A shout out to Wikpedia for all the fun facts.

Labels: Destilando

Hello all,

With the proliferation of novelas being recapped, our resources are getting a bit thin. Specifically, we're short for Destilando, and will be missing a 7:00 person when Duelo ends. If you would like to try, write me at caray@mappamundi.com

thanks!
Jane

Labels: acorralada, Destilando, duelo, fea, mundo, recappers-needed, Zorro

Come on, cats, and grab your hats, I mean this joint ain’t jumpin’.

But first, a quick recap of yesterday’s exchange between Real Marfil and Isabel. RM has just announced that tonight, the true Marfil will take her rightful place. Isabel asks if she’s thinking of causing a scandal by unmasking her sister. No. Devora will exit stage left and Marfil will enter stage right. The Machivellian subtlety of this plan is lost on Isabel. Marfil isn’t going to expose Devora. It doesn’t suit her to scream out in front of everyone that she’s an imposter. Devora would only retaliate by accusing her of kidnapping Diana’s baby and Maximiliano would end up despising them both. Now Isabel’s getting it. Devora needs to leave the mansion without anyone noticing. Marfil will then enter the mansion. They’re so identical, no one will notice the change. (Wow. That’s awesome strategy. She must have boned up on Sun Tzu’s Art of War during her convalescence.) But Devora’s a fiera, Isabel points out, she won’t want to give back Marfil’s identity. How is Marfil going to get her out of the house? Close-up of Marfil smiling enigmatically at the teleprompter. Her eye make-up gets more MDF-like as this novela progresses. Hmmm…

Part Two of the festivities at Casa Irascible begins with a replay of Gaviota’s Grand Entrance, with her daughters in tow. Gav dug up one of Joan Collins’s old costumes from Dynasty, marabou shrug, diamond rivière, and all. Little Doormat calls to mind Sharon Tate in the 60’s schlockbuster Valley of the Dolls. Change Diana’s gown from pink and red to light and dark blue and you have my older sister at her junior prom in 1979. Yolanda might have them all beat, however. Her chartreuse dress is more than just a bad idea gone wrong. It is irredeemably vile. But wait. There’s more low couture on the way. We’re getting a replay of the library scene. Camila looks like she just stopped by on her way to an adult film awards show, but Faux Marfil’s black satin and moulting boa are a disappointment. Still, her Gunsmoke ’do easily rivals any of Sylvia’s wigs.

And speaking of Sylvia and her wigs, here she is chatting with Dr. Evil. This wig and its accessories did not come from Jennifer Garner. No, I think Sylvia got this from the 1967 revival of Hello Dolly starring Libertad Lamarque, a.k.a. Piedad Bracho in La Usurpadora.* Anyway, Sylvia/Dolly and Ignacio wonder what’s going on. Andrés joins them and they all wonder some more, getting in a dig or two at the Garces Girls.

Back in the library, Faux Marfil tries to convince Camila that what she saw and heard was nothing, Andrés is just a sabandija (slob or louse according to my dictionary). Bubbling with high spirits and girlish laughter, Camila taunts her. So now Faux Marfil likes slobs/lice. Real nice. Not to worry, because Max is going to find out right now. That Camila. She’s just all kinds of a tease.

We return to the party. Max is standing off to the left with Emili-oh, gazing fixedly at our Three Graces, so elegant and soignées. Yolanda, who has been standing off to the right with Peyola, Lunkhead, and Octavia, approaches Gaviota and her girls. After a bit of loaded small-talk she welcomes them, then retreats, glad to have "todos los honores" over with.

From the far right of the salon, René, Pilar, Jorge, and two women with fake smiles are also checking out las hermanas Soriano and their fearless leader. Pilar gets irritated when René and Jorge remark on how great Little Doormat looks. You can’t blame her, really. Gaby cleans up right nice. As for Pilar, well, that little brown dress with the plunging neckline only makes her look like the Gingerbread Tramp. En fin, René tells her to hide her jealousy and before she can bicker back much, Kique swaggers up. Pilar is not happy to see him. She asks if he came to cause trouble for her. Kique replies that he didn’t come to see Pilar. He came to see Gaby. He looks over at Little Doormat, no longer the mousy virgin whimpering over Luscious Larry. Close-up of Gaby, sophisticated coquette, looking back at Kique.

We return to the library where Faux Marfil is imploring Camila to keep her mouth shut. They play cat and mouse for a bit, then Camila says she won’t tell just yet. She can wait to unmask Faux Marfil. She’ll sweep the floor with Our Little Blonde Weasel. Exit Camila. Faux Marfil throws a hissy fit and then leaves the library.

We check in on the party again. Now Yolanda’s dress looks yellow. This does not improve it any. She and Emili-oh exchange stiff pleasantries with our three lovelies. When Kique approaches, they bail. Luscious Larry has been watching from afar with Mamacita, impassive in her white sequined sheath. Our Airhead Adonis begins to lose it when he sees Kique moving in on his esposa, who’s looking hotter than he remembered. Octavia restrains him.

Back to Kique, who tells Gaby she looks lovely and kisses her hand. Little Doormat seems to have forgotten this is the same dirtbag she caught in bed with Pilar before the Ill-Fated Boda. She tells him he looks handsome and elegant. Kique leads her off and we get a close-up of Octavia, trying to look displeased while Lunkhead Larry seethes with anger. Close-up of Gaviota watching them with a smug, condescending little smile on her bright red lips.

Pilar’s mood seems to have improved – maybe René broke out the wacky dust. At any rate, she and her friends are yukking it up when Sylvia decides to join them. They take one look at the ostrich plumes, plastic jewels, etc., and move away en masse. Pobre de Sylvia. That’s no way to treat a Comic Sex Kitten. Enter Camila. Sylvia grabs her with a “Look who’s here!” Camila sees Gaviota, Gaby, and Diana. She is impactada.

Meanwhile, Gaviota saunters oh-so-casually over to Octavia. For a moment we get to savour the delicate irony of the Wicked Older Woman in white and the Avenging Angel in black. Gav compliments Octav on taking such good care of the house she stole. If it weren’t for the snake-like glimmer in her eyes, one would swear Octavia was embalmed. “Excuse me. I have to attend to the other guests,” is her reply. She crosses the salon, presumably to chat with one of the six extras who make up her prestigious social circle. But maybe the scarcity of guests is indicative of just how exclusive a gathering it really is. Yeah. Sure. Right.

Enter Faux Marfil. She exchanges glances with Octavia in passing; Octavia turns from Pilar and friends to watch Faux Marfil. FM goes up to Diana and asks if Our Heroine holds a grudge against her. On the contrary, Diana replies as Gaviota appears behind her, smirking with approval. "In this milieu hypocrisy is much in fashion." Diana walks away and we get a close-up of Faux Marfil, with Bruna now watching in the background. FM silently mimicks Diana’s response, making childish faces. Just like Bruna when she’s got that merry prankster itch. Hmmm…

Diana has a chat with her mother-in-law. Lala says that Octavia is eating her heart out right now, and Maximiliano isn’t exactly having the time of his life, either. Diana observes that he is suffering from her indifference. Lala’s not pleased. She points out that Diego is suffering, too. He’s jealous, afraid she’ll wind up back in Maximiliano’s arms. That’s not going to happen, Our Heroine declares. Lala’s not convinced. Diana insists that she hates Max, more than she ever thought she could. Max and Diana exchange close-ups. A great love is hiding behind that hatred, says Lala. Diana claims that she feels only rancor towards Max. Gaviota has made up her mind to crush los Irazabal and Diana’s going to support her.

Cut to Faux Marfil vamping Jorge. She doesn’t waste much time on him before strolling over to Max, Lunkhead, and Peyola. So what does Max think of the change in the garrapata? Max thinks she’s beautiful and says so. Even Larry knows what’s coming next. He has a flash of good sense and excuses himself, taking Paola with him. Out come the claws as Faux Marfil hisses that she won’t allow Max to call Diana beautiful. Bruna continues her surveillance as Max answers that it would be stupid not to acknowledge Diana. Faux Marfil practically drips venom as she says he can devour Diana with his eyes all he wants, but he won’t get her to forgive him. If he gets near her, she’ll laugh at him. With a psychotic little giggle, Faux Marfil wanders off, and we pan past Our Heroine having a glass of champagne with Jorge.

Off in the corner, Camila, Dr. Evil, Andrés, and Silvia have regrouped. Ignacio comments on Diana’s transformation. Camila sneers that Our Heroine’s lack of class shows right through the clothes and jewels. (Three words, Camila: Pot. Kettle. Black.) Dr. Evil disagrees, blathering on about how she doesn’t resemble the low-life nurse he tried to take down in court. She’s still a prole, Camila insists contemptuously. Ignacio’s dying to kiss her, although “besar” is just a euphemism for what he really has in mind. Close-up of Diana conversing with Jorge. Cut back to Ignacio. He wants to make Diana his. Realizing that dream won’t be easy, Andrés tells him. “Obstacles don’t exist for me, Andrés.”

The Orchestra of Doom gets louder and more menacing as we cut back to Diana, looking past Jorge at Max. She is having another telepathic conversation with him, telling him he can’t imagine how low he’s going to go. Cut to Max, looking constipated as he thought-bubbles that he loves this version of Diana as well, so splendid and distant. He walks away to clear the stage for Dr. Evil, who does some thought-bubbling of his own. Diana looks so appetizing, so attractive. She’s within arm’s reach. She’ll be his one day.

Unfortunately for Andrés and Bruna, not all the characters who’d like to hop in the sack with Our Heroine get a thought-bubble close-up. We have to leave the House of Usher to visit the Little House in the Barrio. Diego is ranting to Pancho. It’s the usual litany of jealousy and woe. Pancho gives him useless macho advice. A man wears the pants, if a woman of his got out of line, he’d slap her into shape, etc. No, Diego couldn’t hit Diana. That’s why she treats him like a puppet, says Bro, obviously she wears the pants in the family. Diego rolls his eyes in exasperation.

So much for the break from Psycho Manor. Like me, Octavia wants to know how long this witless travesty of a party is going to last. She just wants to go to her room and curl up with a good guide to poisons. Yolanda counsels patience. Easy for her to say – they’re guzzling champagne and I am not.

Gaviota’s milling around, but she’s not mingling, rather like the Masque of the Red Death. She rejoins Diana and tells her it’s time for the circus to begin. Somehow this update fails to ignite my curiosity and I wonder what Kique and Gaby have been up to all this time. Maybe Kique slipped her one of his potions. Maybe it unleashed her inner fiera and now they’re upstairs rolling around on a bed, tearing each other’s….well, okay, probably not. Bueno, Gaviota tells Our Heroine that neither Max nor Dr. Evil have taken their eyes off her all evening. Diana must go to the library and give Ignacio a captivating glance along the way. He’ll follow her, filling Max with jealousy. Once in the library with Ignacio, Diana must flirt with him. Our Heroine is suddenly aghast. Flirt with that guy? Gaviota assures her it will be worth it. After a moment, Diana gets a sly, almost malicious little smile on her face.

The Orchestra of Doom plays loud, ominous music as Our Heroine moves in on Ignacio with all the sultry allure of a country bumpkin in gingham and bonnet, carrying her schoolbooks on a strap. She gives Montiel her best come-hither glance. Close-up of Max, furrowing his brow and looking down his nose. Cut back to Diana. Larry watches in the background as she briefly puts a hand on Dr. Evil’s lapel, then goes into the Library of Unbridled Lust as directed. Ignacio exchanges smug looks with Andrés. Gaviota takes in the exchange, cool and calculating, before turning her attention to Max. With Octavia and Yolanda for an audience, Gav tells Max what he just saw. Close-up of Max, trying to process this information. Close-up of Gaviota, glancing back at the library. Commercial.

We come back from commercial to the library. Things are going as planned: Ignacio has followed Diana and closed the door behind him. Using her newfound feminine wiles, she tells him she’s not the same nurse he tried to take down for not giving in to him. He wants to start over. Everything could be perfect between them. Our Heroine begs to differ. All he wants is to take her to bed. She’s not looking for a fling. She’s a Married Woman. Married to an invalid who doesn’t make her happy, Ignacio observes. Diana continues to play Hot Tamale Mollie. Dr. Evil takes the bait and moves in for the clinch.

We leave them to stop in at Paco’s bar. He’s all dressed up with no place to go, unlucky in love, it sucks to be Paco. Caramelo, in her True to the Navy uniform, tries to console him. I’ll bet a peppy rendition of “Something for the Boys” would do the trick, but Caramelo sticks to the usual platitudes. He’s still young and handsome, etc., etc. He finally concedes that she is right but feels to compelled to remind us that Gaviota will never love him back. Pobre de Paco.

We head back to the House of Usher to see if that clambake has started to swing yet. Gaby walks by on Kique’s arm. Larry, who’s now hanging out with René and Jorge, watches and fumes. René fails to understand Lunkhead’s jealousy; Gaby may be his wife, but they didn’t even consummate the marriage. Jorge says Larry has to resign himself to losing her. No way, Larry replies, not to that idiot Kique. So are you in love with her or not? René asks. Larry doesn’t know, and as he elaborates, he makes it plain that he’s too damned stupid to realize he’s actually saying “Yes.” René can’t believe it. Even with all the gray matter that he’s sacrificed to the Party Gods, he’s still smarter than Larry. René tells Larry he should leave Little Doormat alone if he’s not in love with her. She’s suffered enough.

In the library, where there’s not a book in sight, things are heating up on Dr. Evil’s part. It’s not just a passing fancy, he says, he’s never stopped thinking about her, blah, blah, blah. Just as he’s ready to move in for the kiss, she pulls away. He’s shameless, always been a liar, never speaks the truth. Ignacio’s really jonesing for that kiss. Even though they’re both standing right by the door, neither sees it open. It’s Max, qué sorpresa. He watches from the doorway as Dr. Evil pants in Our Heroine’s face, causing her hair to flutter about. Diana looks quite pleased with the effect she’s having on her nemesis. And on Max – I’m pretty sure Diana sees him over Ignacio’s shoulder. Max looks quite grim. The camera cuts back and forth between Max and Diana while Dr. Evil pants on.

Out in the salon, Larry’s had enough. No castoff wife-in-name-only of his is going to get mixed up with Kique. He pulls her away, almost making her spill her big-girl glass of champagne. She gets annoyed. Apparently Gaby’s dress came with a backbone. She didn’t get to know Kique when she was just a maid; now she finds him simpático, handsome, charming. Have you changed so much? Larry asks. They need to talk. Yes, Gaby replies, about their divorce. “No, not about our divorce. About us. About our marriage.” Gaby lets him have it, laundry-listing every instance of his bad behavior since they got married, from not consummating the marriage to letting her be banished to the servant’s quarters. She goes off in a huff. Kique toasts Larry on a job well done. Pilar narrows her eyes and scowls. Gaviota lifts her chin and smiles.

Meanwhile, Diana is still allowing Dr. Evil to paw and pant and beg. Finally she says the magic words: “Kiss me, my fool.” Before Ignacio can claim his prize, Max bounds into the room, pulls him away, and threatens to kill him. Close-up of Dr. Evil with his sleepy cobra look. Close-up of Max with his fiera look. Close-up of Diana with her Gaviota look.

After the commercial, we find ourselves with Gaby and Larry again. Is she another woman? She seems so different. Of course she is. And he brought about that change. Larry wants to know if she hates him. Maybe, and maybe not. Right now she’s only sure of the fact that she finds him guapísimo. She follows this remark with a lingering caress.

On the other side of the salon, Pilar becomes furious. She turns and grabs her blonde friend in leopard print, rudely interrupting Blondie's discussion of Hegel’s Phenomenology of the Spirit. Or maybe she was debating pump vs. sandal. Either way, Pilar’s amiga is not pleased. Pilar crabs about Little Doormat fondling “her” Larry. He’s no longer “Pilar’s” Larry, he’s Gaby’s husband. “He’s mine!” Pilar cries. “Are you sure?” asks René. Peyote notes that Little Doormat has changed inside and out. She’s not the shy little maid of yore. She’s determined to get her husband back. “That will never happen!” Pilar vows. Peyola laughs. René says “Ya bailó Bertha. Troy’s going to burn.”

Outside the mansion, two men in ski masks are skulking around in the bushes. They are met by Real Marfil in her baby-pink gown with matching plush cape. “You finally got here,” she says.

(At this point a red screen interrupts to say that Comcast is currently not receiving a signal for this channel. This annoying red screen pops up throughout the rest of the capítulo, so apologies if I missed anything important.)

Inside, Bruna comes up to Marfil. Bruna is some dish with her hair all curled and her cranberry lace cocktail dress. She tells Señora Devora that she can’t believe her eyes, the things she’s seen at this party. (I hope Devora’s Pepto Bismal pink lipstick is among those atrocities.) Devora asks where Max is, but Bruna doesn’t know. He’s probably with that little nurse disguised as a society lady, Devora snarls. She goes to hunt Max down. Every conversation at this party has an audience. This one has Gaviota, the picture of B-movie chic in her marabou shrug and chandelier earrings.

Back in the library, Max tells Dr. Evil to get out. They argue and finally Ignacio suggests to Diana that they leave together. She’s still playing the femme fatale. Max grabs the good doctor and throws him towards the door. Dr. Evil promises to look Diana up sometime. “Of course, Ignacio, whenever you like.” Max is furioso. Just what kind of hussy has she become, carrying on with the scumbag who tried to put her in jail? Diana tells him to watch his mouth. He calls her a hussy again. She slaps him and storms out. Close-up of Max, completely bewildered.

Out in the salon, Dr. Evil tells his faithful henchman that it’s time to go. After watching them leave, Larry tells Gaby they should go, too, find someplace where there aren’t so many people so they can talk. Before they reach a decision, Pilar shows up. She wants to know why Larry’s talking to la sirvientita. Gaby’s glad that Pilar stopped by. She wanted to congratulate her on her taste in men, specifically, Kique. She can see why Pilar jilted Larry for a studmuffin like Kique. Lunkhead can’t believe Little Doormat likes that idiot. Larry thought he was her kind of idiot, poor lamb. Gaby wonders what’s it’s like to kiss Kique. Pilar ought to be able to answer that. She knows Kique very intimately, after all. Pilar tells her to shut up. René, who apparently has been standing just outside the frame all along (and mugging the whole time, no doubt) drags Pilar away before she can sink her claws into Gaby. Gaby, meanwhile, tests her new ability to Drive Men Mad by sending Lunkhead off to get her another glass of bubbly. He protests that she never used to drink. She expresses her amazement that he remembers anything at all about her, she was such a cipher in his life. Whipped, Larry goes to fetch her a fresh glass. Gaviota is pleased by this development. Gaby isn’t.

Diana rejoins the glamorous throng. She tells Gaviota “Mission accomplished.” Enter Max. He stops, as if about to say something to Diana, then changes his mind and keeps going.

Yolanda, Emili-oh, Octavia, and Faux Marfil are standing by the stairs. Devora is in complaint mode. I’ve decided that her annoying singsong is the Colombian equivalent of the Valley Girl speech pattern. She wants to know why Octav doesn’t just chase that baratija and her sister out of the house. Octavia says she can’t. Max joins them and tells Faux Marfil that the circus is over, they’re going upstairs. FM’s not going anywhere until Diana leaves the premises. They have a little scuffle, but Faux Marfil breaks free and stomps off. Max almost goes after her but Yolanda stops him.

Faux Marfil is out in the garden, grousing aloud about Our Heroine. The masked men grab her and chloroform her. (Now why have none of the other characters thought of that?) Real Marfil waits until Faux Marfil goes limp. She tells her henchmen to take Devora away and finish the job. Shadowy close-up of Real Marfil. “The time has come for you to take your place, Devora. I mean, my place.” On this cryptic note we go to commercial.

We return to the salon. René is telling Pilar for the umpteenth time to just cool it, because Larry is Gaby’s husband. Meanwhile, Lunkhead is trying to explain how confused he’s been all these months. How interesting, Gaby answers, and sends him off for yet another glass of champagne. Pilar takes this opportunity to confront Little Doormat again. They argue over Larry. “Larry’s mine,” says Gaby, “and I’ll show you right now.” As Larry approaches with her refill, she kisses him with such intensity you’d think she was trying to perform a mouth-to-mouth tonsillectomy. Pilar can’t stand it and pulls Little Doormat off. Gaby nonchalantly takes her champagne from Larry and throws it in Pilar’s face. The guests are horrified. Pilar is drenched. Amazing how much wine that glass held. I’m surprised Gaby can still walk after downing a couple of those. Gaby polishes off the last little sip. She’s pretty darned pleased with herself.

Cut to Silvia and Camila, impactadas. They tell each other what just happened. Camila breaks off to stop Diana from going upstairs. She accuses Our Heroine of trying to crawl into Max’s bed, slut that she is. At least Max would welcome Diana into his bed, which is more than Camila can say. Touché, Diana! Camila’s about to follow her up the stairs, but Emili-oh intervenes. He tells her to stay out of it. Camila decides that she needs to warn Faux Marfil. Silvia decides to go to the powder room.

Meanwhile, Gaby warns Pilar to stay out of her way. What just happened was only a taste of what she’s capable of. She was raised by Granny Miguelina, and she can wield more formidable weapons, like buckets and garden hoses. Kique asks Gaby if she’d like to go. She would, and they do.

We catch up with Diana in Doña Santa’s room. She’s watching the dear old lady sleep. As if on cue, Granny wakes up. Is it Diana or is she dreaming? Has Diana come back to be her nurse? No, she came to attend the party downstairs. Doña Santa is bummed. Nobody invited her. Awww. Pobre de Granny. But how beautiful and elegant Diana looks. She reminds Granny of Cinderella at the ball. They rehash the tale and Diana contrasts the happy ending in the prince’s palace with the unhappy ending in the Irascible palace. Poor Granny doesn’t quite understand, bless her little bloomers. Never mind, it’s late, she needs to go back to sleep. Diana tucks Granny and her doll in for the night.

Cut to Max walking down the hall. Diana tries to walk past him but Max blocks her. Did she really want Dr. Evil to kiss her? Diana turns her back on Maxi. Yes. She likes him as a man. She discovered that she’s attracted to him. Max pulls her around. He’ll show her who’s the better kisser. Go, Max! Diana resists but he manages to plant one on her, anyway. She slaps him. He goes for it again and the second slap is noticeably weaker. Max goes for it a third time. The theme song fades in and the scene goes into slo-mo. They kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss until we break for commercial.

When we return, Real Marfil enters the salon. And you know, her plan just might work. If you ignore the hairdo, the make-up, the jewelry, and the clothes, she really does look exactly like Faux Marfil. It’s positively uncanny. Enter Camila, glad to have finally found her. Marfil disparagingly gives her the once-over. And why is Camila looking for her? Diana followed Max to his room. They’re probably deceiving her right now. Marfil whirls around, ready to charge up the stairs, but Camila seizes her by the arm. Didn’t Marfil have a different hairdo, a different dress? “I’m in my house,” Marfil says, as if this answers the question. Before she can get up the staircase, Bruna appears, and she, too, notes that Debora doesn’t look the same as she did ten minutes ago. Damn. Marfil hadn’t counted on people having such an eye for detail. That’s not important, she says, hyperventilating. Is it true that Diana followed Max to his room? Bruna didn’t notice. Marfil hurries upstairs.

Cut to Max and Diana, still making out in the hall. They are so intoxicated by that heady brew of love, hate, lust, revenge (and booze) that they fail to notice Marfil’s arrival. Our enraged Playboy/Easter Bunny demands to know what Max is doing kissing that woman. Diana tells Marfil she’d forgotten what a good kisser her husband is. ¡Desgarrada! shrieks Marfil, lunging at Diana. Max holds her back. Diana proposes a little bet, similar to the one Faux Marfil had going with Camila. Marfil scoffs at the idea. Diana’s not a worthy rival. “I have the same weapons as you and I can play in the same arena,” says Our Glamorous Gladiatrix, coyly waving adios. Marfil continues to struggle and scream.

Max drags Marfil to the bedroom and shoves her in. She’s dead-set on showing Diana who Marfil de Irazabal is, but Max isn’t having any more escándalos tonight. Marfil thinks that’s a load of crap. He was kissing Diana. Marfil is his wife. Our Hero doesn’t mince words. It’s no secret to Marfil that Diana is the woman he loves. Marfil begins calling him names, pounding her manicured little fists against his manly chest. Max shuts her up pretty quickly, and you’ve got to give the boy credit. No matter which Marfil he’s dealing with, he makes the shrieking stop. Anyway, he notices that she looks nothing like the satanic saloon girl who’s made the Irascible Soirée of Shame that much more of a trial. When did she change her clothes and hair? “No te importa,” she gasps, turning away. Maxi stares at her for a second, then bangs the door shut on his way out. Close-up of Marfil trying to catch her breath.

At Dr. Evil’s Lair, Ignacio rehashes the library scene for Andrés, omitting the part where Max threw him out like a sack of garbage and focusing instead on his near success with Our Heroine. Andrés is doubtful. Dr. Evil orders a drink. As Andrés gets up to make it, Ignacio thought-bubbles like any clean-scrubbed, wholesome studmuffin in love. He’d give anything to hold Diana in his arms, ad nauseam. This is out of character. There’s something nefarious brewin’ here.

Midnight seems to have struck at the party. Gabriela Soriano de Irazabal, Seductive Young Woman of the World, has turned back into the pumpkin we all know and love as Little Doormat. She wants to know if they can go home. They’ve done their job, they’ve humiliated the Irascibles. Gaviota graciously agrees. The night has been perfect. Kique would like to see Gaby again. She’s not sure. Gaviota urges her to accept. WTF??? Does Gav not know Kique’s rep? Has – no, never mind, Gaby’s a dunce. We’ll just roll with it. Gaby accepts, he kisses her hand and then looks back across the room at Luscious Larry. “See? I’m taking another of your women.” Larry’s pissed. Gaby looks guilt-stricken.

Diana hurries down the stairs. Camila and Silvia block her as she reaches the bottom step. Did Marfil catch her in Maxi’s bed? It wouldn’t surprise Diana if Camila had sent Marfil after her. As it happened, Camila did her a favor. Marfil was wracked with jealousy when she caught Max passionately kissing Diana. Enter Gaviota. Is Diana ready to go? She is – it smells a lot like garbage around here. Silvia calls her an estúpida. Exit Gav and Diana.

They don’t get very far. Marfil comes halfway down the stairs and announces to everyone that la mujer esa wants to steal her husband. She calls Our Heroine una cualquiera. Close-up of Diana looking pretty ticked. Midshot of Octavia, so bored she can’t even hold her head up, while Yolanda stands numbly beside her. Close-up of Gaviota fixing Marfil with a death stare. Midshot of those wacky funsters Camila, Bruna, and Silvia, sharing a “Ha-ha!” moment. Cut back to Gaviota and the girls. “Let’s go,” says Diana, and they head for the door. But Camila and Silvia have to get into the act again. Camila tells Diana she’s not leaving and Silvia pushes her. Diana grabs her by the wig and off it all comes, feathers, baubles, everything. Silvia is bald. Everyone is impactado. Except for Pilar’s cranky blonde friend in the leopard print sheath, who’s laughing at Silvia’s trauma. As she stands there clutching her bald head and crying “No! No!”, we get a series of close-ups: Bruna, aghast; Gaby, half-smiling; Octavia, sullen, and Yolanda, concerned; Marfil, poker-faced; Diana, also half-smiling.

Roll credits.

*Libertad Lamarque was Argentina’s “Reina del Tango” until 1945, when she allegedly bitch-slapped Eva Perón on the set of their one film together. Lamarque later denied slapping Evita and claimed that she wasn’t blackballed, but she spent most of the following six decades living and working in Mexico.

Labels: acorralada

Alina is screaming in Jose’s face, wanting to know who the letter (the letter that started this whole drama; the letter that Alfonsina lied to Don Loco about, telling him it was for Soledad; the letter that is rock solid, better than DNA, evidence that Soledad had sex with Jose and got pregnant with Alina, despite the fact that Alina and Jose are about the same age) was actually written to. Thelma doesn’t want the truth to come out, it would give Alina her proper name and status back, so she keeps yelling about how rude it is to be yelling at Jose while he’s on the verge of death. We need Red from Shawshank Redemption to narrate just for a second, to tell Jose to get busy living, or get busy dying. Emiliooo says he will go watch the door, so that Don Loco won’t burst in before Jose spills the beans. After Emiliooo leaves, Thelma REALLY screeches at Alina to lay off of Jose. It hurt my ears. She hit a screech that is normally only attainable by two-year-olds at the grocery store. Jose wants water, Thelma encourages Alina to give him water, I think she knows that drinking water almost killed him last time. Do we have any idea why drinking water would kill Jose? What kind of sickness is that? I’ve never heard of someone getting shot, then being denied water. Is he one of those aliens from “Signs” or what? Anyway, Alina gives him some water and he doesn’t immediately react. Thelma keeps a close eye on the proceedings.

Santos says it can’t be true that Max raped Rosita. Rosita tells him not to do anything. Santos dramatically sweeps half the table onto the floor and says she can’t ask that of him! Rosita just cries and says she didn’t want to say anything because Max is Santos’s father. Santos says he doesn’t deserve to be called father and proclaims that he will kill Max, in a very dramatic way to make sure we know he means it.

Mexico City – Malena wants Mariana to go home and get some rest, but Mariana refuses. Malena says it isn’t fair that Mariana is all alone, Mariana says she isn’t alone, she has her (Malena) and Dr. Love, too. Malena says something derogatory about Jose, then says that she’s glad Jose didn’t catch up with Mariana when he went to Sierra Escondida. Mariana is impactada, “What? He went there looking for me?” Ooops nice one Malena. She recovers by telling Mariana everything she overheard before, that Jose fathered a child while he was gone. Mariana is impactada again.

Santos has wasted no time. He stands in the middle of a trail with his gun in front of him, pointed at Max, who is sitting on his horse. They stare at each other. Wow I know this show jumps around but that was a new record. We’re already moving on to the next scene.

Santos’s juggy mom is making shrimp cocktails with her boobs hanging out. For all the sexy and trying to be sexy women we’ve seen on these shows, I don’t think I’ve ever seen one with their boobs half an inch from bursting free like Santos’s mom. The funny thing is that she isn’t supposed to be any type of vixen or anything like that at all, she’s supposed to be some grown man’s MOM. Like a potential GRANDMOTHER. And they have her neckline about three inches above her waist again and again. It just seems strange. Anyway, for some reason she is using ketchup in the shrimp cocktails. Maybe it is cocktail sauce in a squeeze bottle, but it looks like ketchup. She squirts a bunch on the table by accident, perhaps to show us how distracted she is with what’s going on with Santos. Her friend Chela asks what’s up, Hottie Mom says she got a bad feeling in her chest, like her son is in danger.

Her son is still pointing a gun at Max. Max teases Santos and Santos threatens to kill him. Max laughs and gets off of his horse. He tells Santos that he sees his hand shaking and walks right up to the gun and takes off his hat. Whenever Max is in some dramatic scene, he takes off his hat or it falls off. He tells Santos to go ahead and shoot, show what kind of man he is. Santos tells him that he’ll be sorry about what he did, Max says he doesn’t think so. “This isn’t the first time I’ve done that, go ask your mom about it.” Santos’s hand is shaking so much I’m surprised the gun doesn’t go off by accident. Santos thought bubbles his mom’s voice telling him the truth about Max being his father. Max screams at him to kill him already! Santos starts blubbering like a baby and lowers the gun, Max tells him he doesn’t have the balls to do it. Literally Max said he doesn’t have the pants to do it, but that must just be how they say it in Mexico. Max punches him, which knocks him down, the keeps picking him back up to hit him again, over and over, cursing him out the entire time. Finally he throws him off the trail into the corn field and draws his own gun. He changes his mind puts the gun away, saying Santos isn’t worth the bullet. He’s going to teach him a lesson with his hands. He rolls up his sleeves and moves in on Santos, who is still lying on the ground. He’s about as big a wuss as Elias, he goes down in a heap immediately in a fight. At least Elias doesn’t cry at whoever he’s mad at first, Santos didn’t even get any good yelling out at Max. Not his finest hour.

Don Loco and Soledad are riding in the carriage. She says they are going too fast, they’ll be killed. Don Loco says she can’t die, she has to witness the death of her lover. Soledad screams at the driver to slow down, Don Loco overrules her and tells the guy to keep the pedal to the metal.

Malena tells Mariana how she overheard Jose telling Arcadio about his affair. Dr. Love shows up and tells Mariana she has to come right away. They go into the girl’s room and Mariana cries a lot. Marianita’s machines are beeping the right way for her to still be alive, but she’s out cold. Mariana pleads with her to stay aline. She stands up and loses it, she grabs Dr. Love and shakes the shit out of him, screaming at him to save Marianita. The girl wakes up and sees some of it and calls for her mamita. She tells Mariana not to cry. Mariana doesn’t listen of course and keeps crying. Big shocker there, right? A novela, a hospital, a dying child, it is the perfect storm of crying.

Orlando and Emiliooo patrol outside the door of the hacienda. Orlando says Don Loco is sure to come armed, Emiliooo says he’s strapped too. They are in their uniforms, I would expect that they are supposed to be armed at all times when wearing them. Well, they are engineers and not infantry or something, so maybe not. Orlando asks if Emiliooo is capable of killing Don Loco if he has to, Emiliooo says anything to keep him from killing Jose. Alina has to know that she is the legitimate daughter of Don Loco.

Soledad begs Don Loco not to do it, Don Loco spits venom and hate in return. They continue on. Same old thing.

Jose is now convulsing from his mysterious water allergy (this still sounds wacky as hell to me, who foams at the mouth from drinking a little water? I mean, in any situation ever? I’m not a doctor so I could be wrong but I’ve never heard of anything like that) and Thelma gloats that Alina is the one who gave him the water. “Happy now?” she says. They scream at each other and alternately Alina screams at Jose to tell her about the letter. He comes to a bit, asks who she is, she says Alina, remember me? Jose is out of it and sees Mariana and his baby daughter instead of Alina. He starts going on how Don Loco has to know that she is his daughter, he keeps calling her daughter. Thelma says, “See? SEE? There, he said it.” Alina says no way, he’s talking about someone else. She tries to get Jose to clarify, but instead he kicks the bucket. Alina screams at the top of her lungs. Lots of screaming today. We go into commercial, it looks like we have new in/out of commercial scenes. Jose running through the forest, pre-buzz cut, and Alina and Emilioooo making out, but this time in a different place than before. Ok we’re back. Alina yells at Jose some more and she and Thelma scream at each other some more. Thelma really digs into her, “You don’t like being the daughter of a caporal, huh? You want to be the daughter of Don Loco, huh? Well you AREN’T. Get over it. Get used to the idea that your mother is a slut.” Alina doesn’t like this, obviously, and slaps the Thelma into next Tuesday. Hey wait – Jose is groaning and moving around. I thought he croaked. Alina screamed like he was dead, not like he just passed out again. The fake dying is starting to drive me nuts. When someone does die, like Blanca, I can’t believe it until a week goes by without them popping up again. Or until we see them put into the ground. Thelma calls Alina “Estupida!” and glares at her while Alina cries like my son when I tell him he gets no TV for the rest of the day.

Don Loco and Soledad walk towards the door to go in to the hacienda, Orlando and Emiliooo prepare to try and keep him out. Don Loco says he has unfinished business with Jose, but Emiliooo tells him that Jose is dying and needs to be left alone. Don Loco demands to enter, Emilooo says no. Orlando pleads with Don Loco to just go away, don’t make it worse. Don Loco says he’ll do anything to go in and pulls a gun on Orlando. Orlando puts up his hands and steps aside, to reveal Emilioooo with his gun drawn too, pointing at Don Loco. They stand there pointing their guns at each other. Don Loco says he’ll shoot. They stare some more.

Jose has come to again and continues to think that Alina is his daughter while Thelma rants on and on. Alina cries some more, she’s very frustrated. Jose passes out again.

Coral is saying goodbye to the crowd at Edelmira’s place. Granillo is pouting. They all say they’ll miss her. Coral’s goodbye is very short and she bails without even waiting for a response. “I’ll miss you too bye.” Edelmira says they need to find someone to take her place. Granillo starts blubbering, it’s actually pretty funny.

A worker comes out of the cornfield and finds Santos left for dead. Santos tells the guy that Max did it. He manages to whine about how useless he is while being rescued.

Chela and Santos’s mom talk about Santos, Max, and Rosita. Nothing new.

Max is at Rosita’s house, she screams at him to leave. Max says that with him, she’ll never want for anything. Money, house, last name, whatever. He tells her that she knows the baby she is carrying is his. She doesn’t want anything of his. He says that if she says no, he’ll deny the baby and she’ll get nothing. He leaves and she cries.

Castulo talks to himself and says that Rosita marked him up pretty good, he touches the scratches on his chest, but it was good so it doesn’t matter. I guess we didn’t know the real Castulo before, we’re seeing another side of him. He is surprised that Max is taking credit for the rape.

Back at the hospital Juanito the singing boy shows up with a flower for Marianita, he finds Malena in the hallway and tells her that he wants to tell Marianita that he’s going to sing on TV again, he’s going from here right to the studio. Malena tells him that the girl isn’t doing well, maybe he should leave the flower with her. Juanito cries and says he has to see her himself. Malena says ok, but don’t let her see you crying. Juanito gives a little speech that I didn’t quite understand all of, but it was very sweet, like he always is.

Don Loco and Emiliooo continue to waggle their guns at each other. Don Loco manages to convince Emiliooo (because Emilioooo is an IDIOT) that they should both go in, together, to see Jose. Orlando just about flips out, he can’t believe it. This is the first, and probably last, time that I agree with Orlando. WTF. Emiliooo and Don Loco put their guns away and turn to go in, Emiliooo tells Orlando that Jose has a lot of things that he and Don Loco both need to hear. Orlando pretends to be upsent until they leave, then he smiles. Ah, it turns out I don’t agree with Orlando after all, he was just kidding that he didn’t want Don Loco to go in.

Alina begs Jose again, etc etc. I’m getting tired of typing that. It’s like when Don Loco used to go to Soledad’s room every night. I’m glad Don Loco is coming too, just to get something different. Jose still thinks Alina is his daughter. Yawn. Let’s move on PLEASE. The screen flashes back and forth between Jose and Marianita, both on the verge of death.

Mariana takes Marianita’s hand and cries some more, the girl wakes up and says “Mamita” then her eyes roll up and she keels over, dead. She BETTER be dead this time. Oh crap that sounds bad. I mean if someone is going to die, they should stay dead. The scene changes to Jose, who lolls his head over to the side and dies at the same time. Again, if someone is going to die, die for real dammit. Alina thinks he’ll wake up again, but Thelma, from ACROSS THE ROOM, says “no, he’s dead.” What? How does she know from 15 feet away? She can barely even see him through Alina sitting on the bed shaking Jose to wake him up all this time. Does she have some kind of death radar or something? She was as sure of him being dead as she would be of the sky being blue. Ridiculous. Every scene with someone dying, or fake dying, in this show ends up being completely wacked. Not just the death or fake death, for two minutes everyone else is even more out there than usual. Alina cries some more and screams at Jose to wake up. Thelma tells her to leave him alone. Right, because Thelma is the sensitive and considerate one, right? Right. Alina cries some more. We go back to the hospital and hear the flatline on the heart monitor. Mariana looks at Dr. Love, he just looks away and doesn’t try to revive her. I expect that like next week or something, she’ll magically be alive again. Maybe not, since we got the extended crazy mother screaming death scene. We see a little scene from heaven, or a cloud, or something, of Jose and Marianita running towards each other at last, Marianita with a full head of long hair. At least they are happy, everybody who is still alive is miserable. Mariana holds Marianita’s body and cries some more. Dr. Love, who is so sensitive, tells her that she needs to leave the girl here and leave. Mariana keeps yelling at her to open her eyes. The door opens and Dr. Love tries to stop Juanito from coming in, but he must be infected with the same wuss disease as some of the other men on this show, a sick 10-year-old boy overpowers him and gets into the room. He cries and cries, he’s upset that she isn’t here any more to see him on TV. Dr. Love says that she isn’t gone, she’s in heaven and she’ll watch over them from there. I know this isn’t the time for something like this, but wow does Juanito need braces. I’m afraid to even say it out loud, but I noticed it so I have to comment. He’s crying and crying (great acting job, especially for a kid, his crying is way more genuine than when the adults cry) and all I can think of is that you could put a finger between his front teeth. I know, I’m going to hell.

The anonymous farm work and Rosita lay Santos down on Rosita’s couch, the worker tells her how he found Santos. Rosita says Max is a coward, Santos says he himself is the coward, he couldn’t kill Max. Rosita says no, that’s not true, but she’s just being nice. Santos totally wussed out. Santos tells Rosita “We’re going to get married. We’re going to say that I’m the father of the baby.” He doesn’t ask, he just tells her. Well, then AFTER that he says “I want to marry you Rosita.” You got it backwards dude. Rosita looks like she tasted something bad. I don’t know if she is touched or disgusted.

Thelma puts the sheet over Jose just as Don Loco enters. He asks where that desgraciado is, Thelma tells him that Jose is dead. “He’s dead? I didn’t get to kill him!” Don Loco mumbles to himself. Soledad asks Alina if it is true that Jose is dead. Alina says yes and Soledad starts crying. Don Loco, of course, says “That’s why you’re crying, right? Your lover is dead and he’ll never return for you?” Soledad says no, she’s crying because he died before telling the truth. Thelma, because she’s so helpful, says no, he did talk before he died. Alina interrupts and says he didn’t say anything! Thelma says yes he did, you heard it yourself, he called you daughter. HIS daughter. Don Loco is muy impactado. Soledad shakes her head no, but Don Loco looks as if he has gone completely over the edge. Alina protests that he was delirious, he didn’t mean that. Thelma keeps twisting the knife, saying that he said it over and over, of course he meant it. Emiliooo tells her to be sure what she’s saying. Thelma tells Alina that she can’t deny that he called her daughter. Alina says no, she can’t deny it, but it was obvious that he was delirious! Soledad pleads innocence, Don Loco says he never had any doubt that Jose was Alina’s father. Thelma tells Soledad that Jose mentioned her too, he said that he didn’t deserve her because they are from different classes. Emiliooo tells her to shut it, but Don Loco says whatever, it’s all clear now, Alina is not his daughter. Alina cries on Soledad’s shoulder. Don Loco just looks a little constipated, almost like he’s let down that he can’t carry on his crusade of torture any more.

Rosita says it isn’t fair to Santos to marry her for the baby, he says it’s fair because he loves her. Santos wants the baby to have a real father, not like him, the son of Max Valtierra. They tell each other lovey things and start making out. She doesn’t seem to mind all the blood. Gross.

Soledad swears she never cheated. I know this is the central plot to the whole show, but it’s getting boring. This is the 3,958^th time Soledad has sworn she was faithful. Let’s turn the page. Don Loco grabs her but Emiliooo tells him to let her go, he won’t permit that he hurts her. Don Loco tells Alina that he’ll leave her here with her dead father.

Vera and one of the guys, maybe it’s her husband, are talking about when she gave water to Jose. The decide that Thelma wants Jose dead so he can’t tell the truth and give Alina her proper status back.

Alina begs Emiliooo to let her out, he says no, she has to wait until Don Loco has cooled off. Thelma leaves. Orlando, Emiliooo, and Alina come to the amazing realization that Don Loco is, well, loco. He is sick with jealousy. It took a few months, but they finally figured it out. Alina wishes that Jose was alive to tell the truth. Emiliooo says he already did, Thelma heard the whole thing. Alina asks him if he, too, believes all that crap about Jose being her father?

Sexy Nurse Suzi is listening to Angel’s lungs with a stethoscope, I think she just wants to put her hands up his shirt. She scolds him for not taking good enough care of himself. She has gone back to her see-through tight shirt again today. The topic turns to Jose, poor Angel who is last to know anything, wants to know what the guy’s name is, Suzi tells him it’s Jose. Angel says why didn’t you tell me before? “I’ve got to find Alina.” Suzi runs after him to tell him to stop running, it will hurt him. Angel you sap. Haven’t you figured out yet that you are always at least a day late? He has the worst intelligence connections of anybody. Jose is dead before Angel even hears that he’s in the house.

Emilioooo doesn’t want to answer Alina. He says it doesn’t matter what he thinks, which obviously, means he agrees with Thelma. Eddie Haskel, I mean Orlando, pipes up that he agrees with Alina, Jose was obviously delirious. Alina doesn’t respond, she just rips into Emiliooo for not believing in her and storms out.

Angel coughs. He now has the hood up on his sweatshirt, he looks like Tom Cruise in Minority Report when he goes to the bad neighborhood to score drugs. Thelma is casually strolling through the house and Angel asks her where Emiliooo is. She says surely with the dead guy. Angel asks who died. Thelma says Jose Gomez, Flor’s real father. The news sends Angel into a coughing fit. She says “Don’t tell me it bothers you to be in love with the daughter of nobody? You yourself are ‘Don’ nobody.” Angel coughs his way down the hall and away.

Alina is outside with Donkey. She says she doesn’t have any hope left. Etc. Where is this daughter he spoke of, or did he just imagine her in his delirium? Don Loco doesn’t want any more to do with her, so whatever, but what will happen with her mama?

Emiliooo tells Orlando to get the other guys to give Jose a Christian burial. Orlando says he’s on it. Orlando makes a comment about Alina, Emiliooo says it’s not her fault. Orlando gives him the full rundown of how she’s not upper class, she’s illegitimate, Emiliooo says whatever, he has more important things to think about. He leaves Orlando there looking stupid. He’s trying to look pensive, but it isn’t working.

Emiliooo runs into Angel and confirms that Jose died. They fight about why Angel cares about any of that. Angel tells him that he did what the general asked him to do, capture that guy, so now Emiliooo will return to Puebla, right? Emiliooo says “That’s just what you want, so you can be alone with Alina!” Angel’s look tells us that that is EXACTLY what he wants.

Ifgenio and some other guy get Jose on a cart and drive off to bury him. Orlando asks Alina if she wants to come to the burial to say goodbye, Alina says no, even though everyone thinks so, Jose is not her father. Orlando starts to walk away and says “I don’t believe he was your father.” Of course she falls for it. “No?” “No.” She whines that Emiliooo doesn’t believe her. Orlando says whatever, he (Orlando) is her friend, she can trust him. She thanks him. He leaves, satisfied.

Emiliooo is mad that Angel wants him out of the way so Angel can get to Alina. Angel says he does what he wants, he doesn’t need Emiliooo to leave, and besides Emiliooo is married. Ah, says Emiliooo, that is your pretext to betray me! Cripes these two are too much. Angel says he should hit Emiliooo for always reacting that way, he (Emilioooo) needs to realize he has no hope with Alina! Emiliooo tells him to go ahead, hit him. Surprisingly, Angel does hit him. It doesn’t knock him down, but it does draw blood. Emiliooo almost hits him back, but changes his mind and leaves. Angel clutches his chest and calls after Emiliooo. He struggles for breath and looks ready to collapse.

Soledad and Don Loco enter Soledad’s room. She begs him to not keep her locked up any more. He asks where does she want to go, to her lover’s grave? She says that all isn’t true. Don Loco gives a little speech about always hoping that it wasn’t true that she cheated on him, etc etc, now he’s never going to forgive her. They go back and forth, she says it isn’t true, he says it is and she hurt him, back and forth, Don Loco even has the nerve to cry about it. He has an orange flashback of Thelma telling Alina that Jose called her daughter. He cries some more. He orange flashbacks Thelma telling Soledad that Jose mentioned her too. In the present Soledad begs to know what Don Loco is going to do to her now.

Monday – Castulo overhears Rosita say that she is pregnant and Thelma decides to see if Gaspar is dead or not.

Labels: duelo