Friday, March 02, 2012

El Talismán #22 Thu 3/1/12 A crazy fox gets outfoxed by a foxy flower, an old dog is hounded by a pup, two dogs leading a dog’s life put on the dog with a dog's chance of success



Bear with me here, I went from feeling totally copacetic and listening to a light jazzy version of Perfidia on the radio straight over to the hot mess that is El Talismán. (Actually, as segues go I suppose it could have been a lot worse.) In short, the bard has left the building and I’m feeling a little surly. Shout out to Kelly for her conversations which I totally used (also Sara, Julia, Anita, probably more). Let’s see what our favorite dummkopfs are up to tonight... 

 I Hate Yous! 
We left off with Doris, star of the Harlot’s Tale, having a face-off with the Belt Buckle, aka Antonio Negrete, over at the police station. He stupidly threatens her right there in front of the police and guess what? She calls the hunky policia over to watch her back as she gives Tony the stink eye. Gagorio waddles in and he gets in Tony’s face saying if it weren’t for Doris and Panchito he’d still be stuck in jail. He says Tony is useless as always. Tony sneers. Gag says he’s off to the hospital to put a stop to this “show” (yep, he said it in English). LooKrazy’s gonna have to listen to him! More sneering. 

Meester Renato is talking himself out of falling in love with Elvira. “Just the money, dude,” he coaches himself. Just then Tracy blasts through the door accusing him of stealing her money. She’s gonna call the cops (hopefully the hunky one) and get all the women he conned to back up her story. “Good luck with that,” he calmly snarls. 

Conversation spread out over several scenes: 
Pedro: LooKrazy is obsessed with me. What can I do about it? 
Camila: You never tell me the whole truth. I think you don’t trust me. 
Pedro: Uh Doy. 
Pedro: Do you really think I killed Mariana? 
Camila: I don’t think I know who you really are. 
Pedro: Oh yeah, well I think you don’t trust me, so there. 
Camila: Why didn’t you tell me you were arrested? 
Pedro: I was waiting for the right time. 
Camila: You’re a manipulator. 
Pedro: Uh Doy. 

Crazy Evil Scheme #1 
Elvira brags to Armani (in lame disguise) that Meester Ren is nuts about her, is eating out of her hand and will soon be her husband. Meanwhile Meester Ren is telling his novia Rita that if crazy Tracy stirs up the coop (alborota el gallinero) it could cause problems for him. Elvira calls to ask if she can borrow his car. He doesn’t seem too thrilled about this. Rita is behind him “Say no, say no!” He makes up some lame excuse, car’s in the shop, he’ll call her later. Renato kvetches to his squeeze that he doesn’t have enough money to pay off the car. His bright idea, marry Elvira right away. Rita: QUE QUE QUE??? 

Cejijunto (Unibrow)
Gagorio waddles into LooKrazy’s hospital room to bleat that he got his fat a** thrown in jail and she put him there! Loo cries she didn’t tell the police anything but dad’s on a rampage and starts bullying her right in front of the doctor. Doc tells Gagorio to cool it or he’ll call security and have his big butt thrown outta there*. (*100% empty threat) 

 Gag demands to know who pulverized Loo’s face. Was it Pedro? Loo whines it happened in the street, she can’t remember. Stoopid doc pipes up “I thought you said your dad hit you.” Uh, thanks doc. Gag is all “See? She’s a nut job. She needs a shrink.” Doc agrees to a parent/teacher conference in his office. Gag hisses to Loo that he’s gonna have her thrown in the manicomio. 

Obey the Belt Buckle 
Antonio marches home in a royal snit and tries to get into the wall safe but somebody changed the combination. “Drat! I’ve got to find mommy’s will! I know, I’ll kill the safe!” Pulls gun out and starts shooting safe. The safe door swings open, Tony finds the will and looks for the clause where Mom left him the ranch. Poor maid runs in and Tony starts chasing her around the room with the gun. Ha ha just kidding, he sneers. He’s not about to kill the woman that takes care of his daughters and he won’t risk going to jail for a lowly maid like her. Yep, our Tony’s a real winner. 

I Don’t Trust Yous! 
Pedro and Camila still talking about being lying manipulators. 
Pedro: Every time I tried to talk to you Antonio was sniffing around. 
Camila: Oh yeah? Well everytime Tony was with me it was because LooKrazy was with you. 
Pedro: Ah, so when you make a mistake it’s because of Tony and LooKrazy, but when I make a mistake it’s all my fault.
Camila: I never hid anything from you or gave you reason to doubt me. 
Pedro: If you don’t have confidence in me there is nothing for us. Enough of this crap. No más! 

Tony finds the clause: I, Teresa de Negrete, leave to my children the half of the ranch that belongs to me. “Drat! Ever since she died dad’s been tricking me.” Tony sneers he doesn’t want to play sharesies, he will be the only dueño of El Alcatrash. Doris finds him and asks if he’s loco. Yep, he says, loco with happiness because now he can free himself from her and be the head honcho. 

Smirk 
Tony calls Loo to tell her their problems are over. He’s got the proof they are half owners of El Trash. Cool, she sez, I was worried dad was going to throw me in the nut house but now I know exactly what to do. Hey wait a minute, sez Tony, Cool your jets I’ll be right there. Doris hears all this since Tony is standing in the hallway talking at volume 11. 

Gagorio tries to convince the doc that Pedro Ibarra most definitely messed up Loo’s already kinda squashed-looking face. Doc says funny, Pi was here earlier and Loo didn’t seem afraid of him. Doc promises to do something right away but I couldn’t understand what it was and I don’t really care. 

Cami runs into Sarita and Geno and gripes that she and Pedro terminaron and she doesn’t want to hear another word about him. Geno gets a good double eye-roll in before the commercial. 

Elvira, clad in go-to-meetin’ headband, takes a cab to El Tal and stands out front talking to herself, “So many memories...Esteban. Oh wait, forget Esteban, he killed himself. My future is with Renato. Gosh I hope Camila’s got lots of money to loan me. Oh hello there Camila, I came to visit you.” Camila tells mom to cut the crap (dejate de rodeos) and get to the point. Of course mom needs a little dinero. Camila suggests she move back to Davis (Hooray! Good idea.) Mom says she wants to be close to Camila and anyway, she’s not going anywhere until she marries Renato. Cami’s all “in your dreams, you can’t find a millionaire on every corner.” Elvira’s stays on subject: when will she get the loan? P.S. Forget about Pedro, he’s a loser. 

Sacadineros (scams)
Meester Ren’s hottie is pithed off and being a super nag about him marrying Elvira. Meester Ren can’t figure out any other way to get Elvira’s money because she doesn’t even know she’s rich yet. He says he’s not going to lose his little gold mine. Dang, girlfriend’s face is kinda ugly when she doesn’t get her way. Tracy huffs up behind them and says that’s it, she’s outta there Meester Thief, and get ready because she’s about to call all his exes. Meester R says he didn’t steal her money, he uh...invested it. Yeah that’s right, he invested it. No? Not buying that. Tracy starts to leave and Meester R sweetly says she’d better not make him mad because she knows how he gets. “What, you’re going to kill me?” she asks. Nope, something better. He’ll have her family deported. Oh, nasty old Meester R. 

At first I thought Camila was talking to some guy but it’s Geno decked out in her stylish man-wear. I wonder what she did to pith off the wardrobe staff? Geno asks Cami if she ever actually asked Pedro about the details of when he was accused of Mariana’s murder. Uh, No. Cami frets what if the charges were true, that would mean Pedro is a murderer. Uh Doy. 

What happened to Tracy? All of a sudden she’s a sniveling mess, begging Meester R to forget about the money. He tells her she’s not going anywhere, she’s going to work for him and if she’s a good girl he’ll let her leave before he marries Elvira. And she’d better not try to flee because he’ll find her. Our harmless gigolo has turned into Meester Eevil.

Panchito and Valentin are in the hospital waiting room when the elevator door opens and out walks the Belt Buckle. Val tells Tony that Gag and the doc have been behind closed doors but nothing else to report. Panchito tells Val he can’t stand Tony; Val tells Panchito to cool off because before he knows it the Belt Buckle is going to be the top dog/big shot (mandamás) at El Trash. 

Tony looks for Loo but her room is empty so he yells at Valentin. Gag shows up and Tony blames him for Loo running away which of course she did since Gag beat her up. He yells this like he really believes it. (Check out the two ladies in the waiting room who are witnessing this. Their faces are priceless.) Dad tells Tony to get hospital security to look for her pronto! Tony gets all up in dad’s face and informs him when he finds Loo they’re going back home to their half of the rrrrrancho! 

Crazy Evil Scheme #2
Camila shows up at Pedro’s door all contrite and wanting to talk. Uh oh, phonus interruptus and it’s LooKrazia crying that daddy is going to lock her up in the manicomio. “Come for me Pedro and hurry before daddy finds me!” Cami asks what’s so important that he has to leave before they talk. “I have to go get LooKrazia” he says with a perfectly straight face. Camila: Que que QUE? 


She follows him outside and says they’re not done talking. Yes we are done, he says. He is only helping a nut-job, there is nothing else going on between them. For him love and trust go hand in hand. He loves Camila with all his heart but if she doesn’t trust him well then... 

Camila’s brain speaks: Everything that comes out of this chick’s mouth is incredibly stupid and she keeps saying the same thing over and over again. Trigger the kiss impulse NOW! 

Camila lunges in for a kiss and Piedro responds about as passionately as a rock. Geno and Sarita, on the other hand, are spying and appear quite excited. Does anyone actually work on this ranch?

Gagorio’s not happy to hear Tony’s news. He’s all “Wah, You’re crazy. El Trash is mine all mine and I’m not going to share!” Then it’s Tony’s turn to have a meltdown and one of the lobby ladies runs away, hee. He tells Gag that he’s got proof that half of the ranch is his. “Come on Valentin, let’s go and leave this old fart to die.” 

Oh man, it sucks to be an employee at El Trash. Gag goes ballistic on Valentin but Panchito breaks it up. Looks like the teams are Gag and Panchito vs Tony and Valentin. 

En la inopia (clueless)
What is up with Pedro? First a half-a$$ed kiss and now he gets kinda mad at Cami and drives off to pick up LooKrazia. Sarita and Geno are still excited and spying. Cami gripes ad nauseum to Geno about the same old crap.

Pedro finds LooKrazia, believes her obvious lies and says he’ll take her to El Tal. Weird editing, all of a sudden he is visiting his doctor pal (Mariana’s old doctor) to ask him how LooKrazy is doing. Doc says that he thinks Gagorio also had something to do with Mariana’s disappearance. 

Oh wait, here comes Loo happily prancing through the office in her short hospital gown. Doc must have examined her. Doc warns Piedra-for-brains to be careful of the crazy woman and her crazy family. 

Gagorio gets home in a rage and finds the open safe. He confides in Panchito and asks him to keep an eye on Valentin and all the other goings-on at El Trash. Panchito warns Gag about nut job Tony and tells him to be careful. Gag says Tony is nothing more than a puppet (títere) of his sister. 

El Viral’s such a deadbeat she doesn’t even have cab fare. (I forgot to say that Cami's not bringing the money to mom until later tonight.) She’s in a huge fight with the cabbie when Armani runs up. Elvira insists the cabbie is a robber. Armani rolls his eyes and whips out his wallet. Elvira blathers on about marrying Renato and avenging herself on Gregorio. 

Meester R’s cranky novia is still hounding him about marrying Elvira. If he marries la vieja then he can kiss Rita’s butt goodbye. “OK, bye then,” says Meester R. Rita presses but Ren stands firm. Elvira might be old but she’s hot, and more importantly she’s very rich. Ren is sick of poverty and like it or not he will marry El Viral. 

Drat!
The fox is in the hen house. As Pedro escorts LooKrazia upstairs she turns around and smiles very sweetly and triumphantly at Auntie. Ooh, auntie looks like she wants to squash Loo like a cucaracha.

But wait! Camila steps out from behind the door and announces to Pedro and Loo she’s no longer staying in the casita. She’s moving into the big house to keep LooKrazia company.
Pedro: Que que QUE? 



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Una Familia Con Suerte #145-146 Thu 3/1/12 Tomás goes to the hokey pokey. That’s what it’s all about.

We’re back at Avon, where Enzo has dropped his papers all dumbstruck upon coming face to face with Chela. They exude enough heat to kill all the polar bears, but then Enzo just walks away. Boo.
Ado seizes the phone from Freddy to blubber to Pina. She’s so worried and misses her so much! Unfortunately, in her discombobulation Ado hangs up, and phones only work once so we don’t find out how Yuyis and Marido de Yuyis are faring. Freddy decides Ado needs a project to distract her (she momentarily seems to think he is propositioning her). Later, we see that Ado had a LOT of energy to burn, as she has made about a million posters d’amor and lined the whole house from the front door to Freddy’s Love Lair with candles, flowers, and arrows for Ana to follow. Ana finds the prize at the end of the treasure hunt, and…
Tomás asks the jail guard to let him make his call. The guard is rude and taunts him about spending 30 years in prison, but lets him go to the phone. On the other end, the phone rings and rings and rings while Elena blubbers to the long-suffering Virgen. Finally she answers, but the guard hangs up. Lupita walks in and Elena sneers at her claims of worry. She says she has no idea where Tom is. Lupita knows she’s hiding something but gets thrown out.
In the office, Chela catches Pancho up and, seeing that he’s tired, tells him to come home and get in his PJs and she’ll give him a foot massage.
Fortunately, we skip right to the next morning. Pancho goes jogging past a news stand where Cristian’s death is the front-page story. While he’s at a pay phone reacting to that, he sees a trashy mag with the photo of Mike and Rebe’s pathetic kiss on the cover. Woe is him. Why any magazine reader would care about Mike is anyone’s guess. Pancho runs home to hug La Burra and indulge in some muy ugly crying. He’s about an 11 on Ferro’s 1 to 10 scale.
Pancho goes inside for brekky and Lupita can tell something’s wrong. She’s more worried about Tom and Elena, though. She tells Pancho that Tom still hasn’t appeared.
The guard lets Tom try to call again. Elena answers this time and he tells her he’s in jail and asks her to tell Pancho and Pepe.
Moni tells Enzo she’s worried about Violenta’s attacks and memory lapses. He thinks this is too much for her to deal with and she should move back in with him. Moni feels obligated to stay and watch out for her mother.
Candy and Vice bicker about the ownership of the apartment. Napoleon’s mystery sidekick calls Candy and she drops the phone. Candy tells Vice Napoleon’s after her. Oh noes.
Mike brings Rebe a latte and tries to use all the tips from “Wooing for Dummies” on her. Soft voice, hair patting, saying “te amo” a lot…why isn’t this working???? Rebe is cold to him. She’s saved by Lidia interrupting for a private chat with IckyMicky. Apparently they used to date, and she isn’t over him and is furious that he’s still trying to get back with Rebe. He thinks she should get over it. Only HIS hopeless crushes matter.
Pancho, Chela, Lupita, and Pepe swarm the casa popular for a word with Elena. She sobs that Tom’s in jail for murder. Elena claims that Cris was totally not dead when she left him. Also, of course she didn’t stay out all night. Tom just didn’t notice when she came home. Pancho gets on the phone to get a lawyer. Chela and Lupita don’t believe Tom would kill anyone. Pepe calls Moni and asks her to meet them at Licenciado Mendoza’s office.
Evileta calls Moni and screeches when Moni thinks it’s Jose. Moni can’t talk now. She hangs up and Vio has a tantrum, though her behavior is not nearly as bad as her earrings. Bows, chains, diamonds, AND feathers, and they hang way down to her chest.
Lupita makes tea for Elena. Remembering the drug-riddled hotel scene, Elena drops the teacup. Lupita knows she knows more than she’s saying. Elena rambles on about Tom’s violent temper…maybe he DID kill Cris. Lupita says no way. Elena has a cow about everyone always judging and blaming her.
Lawyer Mendoza tells the gang that Tomás signed a confession. They are shocked; he couldn’t have done it. Mendoza tells them he was caught red-handed in the room. They still don’t believe it. He will see what he can do. It doesn’t look good.
Vins takes Candy to Jimenez’s office and asks him to use his mad P.I. skillz to find Napoleon Villarreal’s address. Jimenez is terrified. A Mafioso?! Are they sure?! They are.
Tomás gets some smokin’ hot mug shots taken. On his official form, we find out he is 21 years old, 1.85m tall, and 80kg. Also, his nose is noted as “aguileña.”
Fernanda accompanies Octavio on a hot date to the operating room, where he is doing an appendectomy. She’s not sure her agreement to be part of his life meant they had to share EVERYTHING. When he starts to cut, she nearly passes out and has to leave. Still, she thinks it’s sweet that he invited her.
Pancho cries on Pepe’s shoulder and Pepe says there, there, don’t cry. Ana skips by and they kill her exuberant mood with the news.
Napoleon’s curly sidekick shows the Napobot a dossier on Vice. She says she’s at his orders, whatever he needs.
The execs are waiting, but Pancho doesn’t show up for their meeting. Typical, sez Vice. Ketita calls Pancho and he tells her to postpone, but Chela tells him he may as well go to work; there’s nothing he can do.
Ado’s beating duster feathers all over the sofa and Freddie and she asks him how things went last night. “Metiche!...but…heavenly!” he smiles. Chato rings the bell and offers a little bunch of flowers and the news that his supposed son is black. Ado doesn’t care if he’s orange, yellow, or green! SLAM! Chato barges back in but Freddie’s right there to push him back out. Chato hands over the flowers and Freddie chucks them at him and slams the door again. Ado thanks him and they hug. Awww.
Pancho arrives at the office and apologizes to Rebe but she is nasty to him. Then she boo-hoos to Mike. He thinks a trip to the opera will help. It’s Tosca, so she accepts and leaves with him. Chacho sees them and reports this to Pancho. Pancho tells him about Tomás so Chacho cancels his date with Sandra to be with them, taking a little time for flirting first. Sandra is smitten…he kisses her on the cheek!
Elena’s at the big house to ruin everyone’s dinner with her screechy lies. Chela still invites her to sleep over. Elena stomps upstairs. Chela’s nice enough to bring her tea in bed, sympathy not included. Elena boo-hoos some more. She wants a hug. DENIED.
Downstairs, the kids argue about what might have happened. No one believes Elena. Pepe is in a lot of pain but insists it’s nothing. Violenta calls and yells at Moni for ignoring her the whole day. Moni’s probably thinking, “I’ll see your one day and raise you 20 years.” Violenta does not care about Pepe’s problems!!! Unfortunately for her, Moni does. Gotta go. Vio rages to herself that she hates them all.
Tom is transferred to the prison, where the others celebrate the arrival of fresh meat. His cellmate is El Tanque, a That Guy who always plays the scary prison cellmate. Another prisoner (Victoria’s right-hand-man from TdA) is excited at the prospect of getting money out of this pretty new dude. I bet Tom’s regretting his fancy makeover now. Some little joker dude serenades Tomás.
Lupita cries and Pancho assures her they’ll get Tomás out. He tells her about the magazine cover. She tells him not to give up, but he says it’s over with Rebe para siempre. Chela overhears him saying something about being inseguro.
Rebe is in rapture taking in the opera. She doesn’t even seem to notice IckyMicky pawing her and sniffing her hair. After he takes her home and is denied entry, she collapses on the floor crying about Pancho.
Pepe unwraps his gross festering hand and fights back screams. He washes it and rebandages it. Qué in heck is the point of this? Why doesn’t he just go to a doctor?
Enzo spaces out in a meeting with Lidia and remembers happier times with Chela. Lidia asks what’s on his mind and he tells her he’s in love but let the lady go because she’s in love with someone else. Boy, can Lidia relate. Moni calls and reports on Violenta’s bizarre behavior, and he offers to go check up. He goes to Parking Lot and knocks on the door and calls on the phone, but there is no answer. He gets the super to let him in and finds Vio unconscious on the floor, surrounded by pills. Super calls for an ambulance and Enzo is somehow able to determine through Vio’s inflated chest that she is still alive.
Later, Enzo makes it to the mansion, where Chela is polite to him. How she can hold herself back, I haven’t the foggiest idea. Moni asks what’s up with Ma.
Chacho and Pancho convene. Pancho is all, “So how are you, Chacho? How’s business? Things going well with Sandra? What’s on YOUR mind?” Hahahaha, no. He just unloads his own problems, as usual. He says Mike is Rebe’s media naranja. {MEDIA?! That dude is ALL naranja, and then some!} He says Mike is of Rebe’s class, all sophisticated and smooth-talking. So he may as well just get with Chela, who is his own type, or whatever. “What about Tranzeti?” Chacho asks. “Nah, not my type,” says Pancho.
Napoleon’s operative follows Candy as her hot bodyguards escort her home. She calls Nappy to report that she knows where Candy lives. She seems to get a great deal of satisfaction from her job.
Octavio and Fernanda go to a party with ballroom dancing. It isn’t exciting but they’re happy, which is nice. Everyone starts clapping and chanting for them to kiss. Eh? Is this their wedding?
Avances: No more Mrs. Nice Lupita. She lets Elena have it. Mafiosa Moll goes on a leather-clad rampage. Micky and Rebe go on a romantic limo ride.

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Thursday, March 01, 2012

La Que No Podía Amar #46 Wednesday 2/29/12 MentiRosa AND a Quitamaridos

Lower your expectations m'dears. It's late and I didn't give a box of bayou beans about most of the story lines tonight.

El Refrito

  • Rohell has a fit and takes it out on his wedding pictre.
Lo Nuevo
  • Tía admires Elena's new jewelry arrivals and discusses all her money connections.Cupcake is married to a powerful man who provides all the cattle for the empacadora of her real Daddy. Through Ana, Tía is going to milk both business for dough!
  • Eat Doña María brand Bayou Beans! They're tasty and so easy to prepare. Just cut open a box and plop them in a preheated pan. Saves you so much time, you will be able to pay closer attention to the spoiled brat you work for! While you listen to shallow insipid people whine about not being able to eat on the terrace, your bayou beans will slowly simmer to perfection. When the selfish adults preen and gush over their new love interest you can be all ears. Bayou Beans will practically cook themselves. You can even engage in conversation! You can act surprised when a certain cold woman-child admits that it was Guscake behind the recent split from David....and all the while, the succulent aroma of bayou beans will fill the air. You won't even notice the stench of the whining, abdomen baring shrew whining about being an old maid without her inheritance.
  • Fede calls and tells Tía he found the Cupcake. Tía is thrilled. She wheedles a company driver out of Fede so she can go to Boring del Cielo. She thinks he should wait to spill the baby daddy bayou beans. After getting off the phone, she tells Elena about a letter that proves Cupcake is Fede's daughter. Tía also plans to swoop in and take Fede away from La Vaca.
  • Fede apologizes to Ana about misjudging her. He says Vainy and Cupcake have much in common. Ana just wants Fede to leave her alone. He thinks her marriage to save her brother was very noble. Information he got from Dany.  He is applying butter frosting to the Cupcake so his news will not come as such a shock. Cupcake just can't figure out why he wants to help so much. Vainy is his daughter and boy does that chick hate the Cupcake. Fede hopes Vainy will come around. He asks her to accept his help. He tells her to stay in the Bungalow and not leave since Vainy and David are prowling about.
  • Maria tells Rohell to chill. Same conversation as usual. Rohell crumples a picture.
  • Conned is still mad at Effer and his love for Sin. They fight. Effer wants to know que diablo she was thinking when she blabbed to Maria about him loving Sin. Did she want to get him in trouble? Conned said if she wanted that, she would have informed the Patrón as soon as she discovered Cintavo canoodling in the bedroom. Maria overhears. Conned leaves and Maria wants to have  a serious talk with Effer.
  • Carmen knows the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but Gus just wants to be friend. Meli lobbies for team Cartavo (or would Gusmen be better?) Fermin explains you can't change novi@s like you do dresses. Unless you are Sinthia. Haven't we had this conversation already?
  • Effer confesses to Maria he loves Sinthia. He says he was with Conned in the hopes of forgetting Sin. We get the standard TN un clavo saca a otro clavo cliché (one nail drives out the other.) María forbids to talk to Sin unless it's hacienda business. Oh would that Effer would follow her instructions! Then I wouldn't have to watch them together ever again!
  • Vainy and Vaca plot the land purchase in Boring del Cielo. Vaca tells Vainy to get all the lands put in Vainy's name so the illegitimate daughter can't get her grubby little hands on them.
  • Fede tells Cupcake that he, Vainy and David will be checking out the land so she can get out of the bungalow for a bit since they won't be back until after dinner.
  • Miguel is still drunk and Rohell still doesn't like it according to Maria. 
  • Cupcake runs into Guscake on the beach (actually he was running, she was strolling.) He still won't listen, so Cupcake returns the necklace and tells him adiós and que seas feliz.
  • Tía and Elena search for the letter Mariana wrote informing Fede of his paternity. Too bad Mariana never had the guts to send it. According to Tía this letter is her passport to a life of luxury.
  • M-grito asks about the necklace and Ana yammers on about it. I'm so tired of that friggin' thing.
  • Gus tells Carmen he's seeing someone in Tuxtla, but sill in love with Ana. He's leaving Boring del Cielo so both Carmen and Meli get the idea he is a FRIEND. Carmen is dense. (An aside: Gus is cute, but QTH? Why does every woman who crosses his path fall in love with him?)
  • Vainy, David and Fede. Fede is called back to Tuxtla for an audit, but Vainy doesn't want him traveling so much and she offers to go. A stupid, time wasting scene just so Vainy has reason to get up and get ready and see M-grito.
  • Gus says good-bye to Boring del Cielo take two.
  • Vainy sees Ana. Vainy tattles to Sin via the cell phone. Vainy wants to to tell Rohell ASAP. Sin tell her no. It really will be better for Vainy with Cupcake out of the picture. They scheme. 
  • Dany has no news for Bruno about Cupcakes whereabouts. Rohell calls and tells him to return to the hacienda with Dany and Tía in tow.
  • Ana feels la llamada de la sangre...though not in those words. She just feels safe and protected. He misses Gus and loves him, but alas he is with someone new. 
  • Sin and Effer FF>> I felt a little pity for Sin last week, but this week she has shown herself to be shallow, stupid, spoiled and one dimensional. 
  • Bruno can't find Tía and he's having a fit.
  • Sin tells Rohell she wants Gus and doesn't care what Rohell says.She gives lip service to wanting Gus money or not. I'm not holding my breath. Rohell gives his blessing and likes Gus for a cuñado. 
  • Bruno calls Gusano (Rutilio) and finds out Mersnotty is still in San Gab. Bruno tells Gusano to keep an eye out for Tía too. A bit of a deal was made about Gusano not knowing what Tía looked like and Bruno giving a description. This may or may not be important.
  • Maria is happy Rohell approved the Cintavo pairing. Rohell is just out for free Hydraulic engineering work.
  • M-grito whine about being bored. Cupcake has lines. The most important one: What does freedom matter if I can't have the one I love?
  • Gus calls to talk to Sin. Rohell wants to talk hydraulics with him. Gus wants to talk to Sin first, but since she's in San Gab at the moment he'll call back.
  • Sin and Mersnotty in San Gab acting like twits and saying cuñada over and over. How old are they? FF>> Oh, there's a brief Debbie Downer Ernesto reference. 
  • Ana and Fed have the same conversation. She wants to know why he's helping and he tells her to keep her heart and mind open.
  • Effer found the horse Cupcake fled with. Rohell wants the old man brought to him, but the guy is being questioned by the police...but he ain't talking. Rohell wants to know if Effer at least found out which way Cupcake and M-grito went. Old guy lives in St Lazaro
  • Tía arrives in Boring del Cielo and gives Fede the letter. Fede has a weird attack. Is he laughing or crying? He kisses the letter a couple times. He has no doubt Cupcake is his.
  • Vainy tells David about Fede's illegitimate daughter (since, you know, that's apparently *her* business and she has the right to blab.)
  • Cupcake enters lobby and sees Tía. Cupcake is a little mad that Fed blabbed. She was supposed to trust him! Tía convinces Fed to leave them alone. Tía explains that she knew Fed 20 years before when she worked in his office. She mentions Rohell and Cupcake says she's not going back. Tía claims ot only care about Ana's well-being. Tía has so much to tell the Cupcake! Cupcake doesn't want to hear it because Tía KNEW Gus was alive and KNEW he was looking for Ana.
Avances
  • Gus breaks up with Sin
  • Ana learns Fed is her Dad.
Excuse all the typos. No time to edit!

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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Una Familia Con Suerte #143-144 Wed 2/29/12 in which Berto gives advice everybody should take (breath deeply and get over yourself)

I missed the first bit of the show. By the time I got the machine working, Enzo was trying to get Vince to tell a secret. Vince sympathetically (!) notes, "you're really broken up about Chela."

Vince tells Enzo that Pancho is Fer's son. And that he falsified the DNA results. "Actually I didn't do it, I paid a tech to do it. Now you see why I need your - discretion." If Pancho is Fer's son, he will inherit her Avon holdings.

Enzo's stunned by Vince's bold skulduggery. "What if your aunt finds out?" "How can she? The tech is now living happily in Australia with koalas and kangaroos. But the worst of it is, Pancho and I are cousins!" Enzo laughs. Luckily Candy is not really Pancho's brother or Vince would be in love with his first cousin. But Ana and Freddie -- are they cousins for real?

Speaking of the King of Rome, Freddy is beaming at Ana at the Lopez dinner table. A big pink box is carried in; Ana lifts the box and there's a cake under it, and on the cake is her new cd called "Una Familia Con Suerte," with pictures of: Laura, Pancho, I dunno who, Rebe, Chela, Pepe and Moni, Sandrucha, Candy with somebody behind her I can't recognize, and Ana. I would have thought her BAND members would get on the cover not her random family members. But I don't make the news, I just report it. Freddy is proud of Ana, she is looking forward to touring and press coverage etc. Candy decides to help out and appoints herself manager and representative of Ana Lopez.

Tomas is in jail thinking his sister killed Dud. Elena has - wait for it - AMNESIA! She is calling Tomas but he can't answer - because he's in jail, duh.

Chela admits to Pancho she liked kissing him.

Fer's doctor must have proposed to her and she must not have said yes (yet). Lupe tells the doc there seems to be a cloud of love around them. "I adore Fer, I've loved her for years," he says - and for once somebody overhears something to their advantage! Fer creeps in and tells the doc she loves him too.

Rebe is not enjoying dinner with Mike and is drinking a lot of Tequila. She's pissed thinking Pancho is lovin' Chela (must have seen them kissing). Rebe drinks more tequila. "Remember our first kiss, at the beach," Mike mutters revoltingly. He makes Rebe close her eyes. "Remember the sun, the ocean, our love..."

He closes in with his pink lipstick and she doesn't pull away, but she doesn't reciprocate with enthusiasm. Yuk, he's a terrible kisser! Somebody hiding behind a handy column is taking pictures.

Finally Rebe recoils and says, "Wouldn't you have preferred kissing a corpse? With this, you've killed the memory of our first kiss. I'm angry and confused and I don't want to be here." She stalks out. Mike calls his assistant Lidia Hot Pants and she joins him at the restaurant. When he tells her he kissed Rebe, she gets mad, says she's jealous, and leaves.

Pancho is staggering around disturbed by Chela's love.

Vince asks Enzo to put the love-nest apartment in Candy's name, because she wants it that way. Enzo gives him 'egg eyes.'

Arnold can't get in touch with Pina in Brussels, he's worried about her. He notices Rebeca is in the dumps. "A few days ago I was excited about marrying Pancho, now I want to forget him."

In the meeting, Enzo tells Pancho he broke up with Chela. They're very chummy now that they got blotto together. Rebe comes in and won't look up.

Tomas is let out of his cell and taken to a guy in charge who points out Tomas was caught with a bloody towel, cleaning some murder weapon (boy, this is all new to me, I haven't watched since last Wednesday). I guess Tomas thinks his sister (an amnesiac, remember...) killed the Dud: Tomas therefore "admits" he killed the guy (to save his sister from hanging for it).

The Avon and Belle Face meeting is no laugh riot. Everybody is formal and nobody looks up. The real value of Belle Face has been established. Vince says Pina can't be at the meeting. Mike admits (I'm not sure why) that he committed fraud in the past and let Rebe take the blame; he praises her and says she is honest etc. Vince complains it isn't relevant.

Vince and Pancho shout childishly at each other in the meeting. Arnold tells everybody to breathe deeply and relax.

Elsewhere, Lupita has evil foreboding while, in prison, Tomas signs his confession and cries.

Rebe coldly informs Chela: "Now you have a clear field to get what you've always wanted." But on her way in to see Pancho, Chela runs into Enzo; he drops his papers, their hands touch, they have a long moment nose to nose. And, I am thrilled to see, the episode ends, it's just one hour tonight! Hurrah!

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El Talismán #21 Tue 2/28/12A Lesson in Hubris, or Doris Speaks

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Doris speaks…

It is called hubris, I think. I will have to ask Brigitte, my mentor in most things, certainly in all things philosophical. That overweening pride that provokes the Gods to take action, to bring a human down to a certain level, to exact justice on a man or woman for the sin of thinking too much of themself.

Call it what you will, I still argue that Don Gregorio Negrete is just a man, and therefore, he can be managed.

Last night, when he saw her at the GAGG Ball, Gregorio became somewhat interested again in Elvira Najera, his old lover. They traded words, and Gregorio insulted her in front of that gigolo Renato. I know what Renato is all about—money, but if I didn’t know better I would guess that neither of those two has seen the bank statements of the other. When we got home after the Ball, Gregorio said that the best thing about the ball was meeting Elvira and he swore to begin things again with her, referring to her as beautiful and classy. He talks to himself sometimes, even when I am in the room, and he was getting himself really worked up about Elvira before he said, “Goodnight, daughter-in-law.” 

This development does not fit with my plans and I will have to consider it carefully. The first step I took was to call Brigitte and tell her to move up my (Catherine’s) date with Gregorio. Now, I do not deny that Gregorio Negrete is capricious, and his moods are dangerous. He seethes with rage and any perceived slights to his dignity are met swiftly and with violence.  Still, he is a man, as other men, and I predict he after his night with Catherine, he will be under my sway.

Notice that I do not need overt control of Gregorio. That would take too much energy and I have, perhaps fairly, been called somewhat lazy. The point here is to have him under my influence, to get him to offer me what I have already decided to have, and then, for me to receive what I want with feigned indifference while tying it up in legal red tape so tight that I have control of it forever. What I want, of course, is controlling interest in Gregorio’s business enterprises.  Having been personally bought and paid for by Negrete as a young child I consider this no less than my patrimony.

Meanwhile, over at the Only Hotel Inn ™, Elvira returns to room after the GAGG Ball and rhapsodizes out loud about Renato. He is handsome, rich…She wants to amend her plan and marry Renato quickly.  Armando overhears his wacky mother. “Is Renato really that great?” demands Armani. “This was only your first date and appearances deceive.”

Elvira responds with a non sequitur,  “We saw Gregorio Negrete at the Ball. You cannot imagine the horrible things he said about me.

Mama Marmota is clear, she will move up her plans with Renato. What about Armani and the special project for torturing the Negrete sisters? Armani tries on some fake glasses that I believe to be part of his disguise as he woos F2. He shows his Mom but she comments critically that they don’t seem like enough of a disguise to her.

Doris on her background
It was Brigitte who got me interested in business matters. Such a fine businesswoman herself, she soon taught me to see the advantage of having control over my own resources—no victimhood for Brigitte! After my girls were born, I needed something to do. I completed my GED at home and began looking for more to interest me. Fresno State University was a close commute and it was there I met Brigitte. Math was always easy for me and in three years I finished a degree with highest honors in Economics. I got a few articles published, had an affair with the professor who was head of the department and, at Brigitte’s suggestion, when he moved to Stanford, I followed him there for business school.

While I was in grad school I was able to invest in some high tech start-ups; including Facebook. I had access to some of my own money by then and, by being a little frugal around the house with my allowance; I soon amassed a nest egg with which to invest. It was also at this time that I became a strong proponent of vertical integration as an investment strategy, and, through this lens (and with Brigitte’s urging) I began to take a serious interest in the business of harlotry. I invested in Indonesian rubber futures, latex refineries and aluminum foil packaging plants. Naturally, I came to own clothing companies that sew lingerie in China, distribution organizations and I keep a finger in the aphrodisiac trade. At this time, I am proud to say I have grown my net worth to something approaching $300 million dollars. Yes, I am a very wealthy woman and I could buy and sell Gregorio Negrete 10 times over, but half my fun in this life is watching him bluster his crude way around the house, kicking his own furniture and throwing his considerable weight around El Alcatraz imagining that he has everything and everyone in complete control. Fool.

I admit it, Gregorio fascinates me. I sometimes ask myself, “How could such a brutal, cruel and ugly man be the avocado and raisin king of Fresno?”  He certainly did not gain his kingdom through his finesse or expertise in business. He is somewhat careless in business matters. For example, he has not even noticed that the mortgages on all of the lands abutting El Alcatraz have quietly changed hands in the last five years—each is now owned by one of my offshore corporations. All adjacent lands (except for El Talisman, that lovely ranch on our northern border) are owned and controlled by me. Yes, I have him completely hemmed in.

No, Gregorio Negrete’s is inherited wealth and what matters most to me is that some day I will control his every penny. Only then will I feel I am fully able to act out a slow, meaningful revenge on Gregorio—and my father.

I am not terribly close to my daughters. I want you to know that this is really not their fault. They are attractive enough girls, though no beauties, but in intelligence they take after the Negrete side of their gene pool, more’s the pity. I was so young when they were born and their birth was so painful that I am afraid I blamed them for my misery and failed to bond deeply with them. I left most of their rearing to nannies and to Antonio, who always took a ridiculous amount of interest in them. When I was attending B-school, and traveling back and forth between Palo Alto and Fresno, I never neglected to bring them toys and gifts. My biggest commitment to them was to keep them safe from predators. Still, they have always been somewhat boring to me, and now that they are old enough to have real conversations all I ever overhear them discussing is boys. Truly an enervating topic, as men are obviously a means to an end. It is dangerous to ever let them be anything more.

Sleep just wasn’t happening last night in Fresno. I could hear Gregorio talking out loud to himself. He said that he doesn’t love his children but he has always admired Lucrezia. She is crazy and will do anything to get what she wants. Antonio, well Gregorio despises Antonio. He said that Antonio doesn’t even look like his son. He called Antonio weak. I guess he wanted Antonio to ‘fight him like a man’ about the gift of the girl’s cars, but when Antonio humbled himself to Gregorio, G. hated him even more. He ended his little self-talk by referring to me, “Antonio doesn’t even divorce his wife who he cannot stand.”

Now my mind was troubled and I couldn’t stop thinking about my conversation with Gregorio. He really is taken with this Elvira! And Antonio is interested in her daughter—I heard the girls gossiping about Camila being Antonio’s lover. That is just speculation on my daughter’s part. The Negrete men belong to me.

This thought leads me to my bête noir, my husband, and the love of my life—Anthony Negrete.  His father calls him Antonio, but to me he will always be Anthony, the one man I want that I have never really had. That isn’t to say that we have not been lovers. After our first furious coupling when he was just 14, he stayed with me for many years. But as my powers of sexual persuasion grew, so, too, did his wariness of me. Now he treats me like a pariah, using the phrase, “¡No me toques!”, if I ever come near him.

I think Anthony became suspicious when I took the International Business internship placement in Mumbai, India. Of course, that, too, was Brigitte’s doing. “India is a huge country, my dear”, she told me. Learn a little Hindi, make friends and take the placement because I have a surprise waiting for you in India.” It took some persuading for Gregorio to let me go, but when the Mumbai Dried Fruit and Spices Company in India said it wanted to strengthen relationships with it’s major American partner—Negrete the Raisin King—I was soon allowed to go as a family representative.

What an awakening I had in India!—A magnificent place in both its wealth and squalor.  Brigitte had arranged quite an internship for me. In the day, I worked with the executives at Mumbai Dried Fruit and Spices Company, but at night, I had another apprenticeship. For one year, every night was spent with Sri Blowba Jobba and his wife Handa in his Kharjeraho Academy.

Here we were trained in the ancient traditions of the Kama Sutra, how to use the giving and receiving of pleasure as a means to higher states of consciousness. The Academy was named after the ancient temple site in Khajeraho, Madya Pradesh, where fully ten percent of the sculptures in this complex depict acts of love. Many famous courtesans, housewives and spies trained here before me, including the great Mata Hari. Here I learned to drive men mad with pleasure and to bend them to my will.  But my special advantage, the one that sealed the deal with Sri Blowba, was the fact that I had unlimited access to the most important ingredients in his complex aphrodisiacal concoctions-raisins and avocados.

Naturally the Blowbas and I formed a joint venture when I graduated from the Academy and I am delighted to say are products are selling like tortillas in China.

My sister-in-law, Lucrezia, might have thrived in such an environment. She has natural sexual talent and is quite good looking. It is certain that she and Anthony have been lovers for many years. But Lucrezia is not very bright, lacks discipline and she has no real goals in life. Most disappointing, to my point of view, she is a whore—she gives her great commodity away for free. Honestly, I know this will sound unkind, but this makes me doubt if she is even a capitalist.

Lately, she has turned her obsessive-compulsive yearnings onto the owner of the neighboring estate, a tall, gallant man originally from Mexico named Pedro Ibarra. He is handsome (although I see no evidence of sensuality around his mouth), but he has NO money of his own and no facility for making any. Hopeless, really.

I believe he is too-good-for-his-own-good and is completely enamored of the young agricultural engineer we recently had working here at the ranch, Camila Najera.

Camila’s family once owned El Talisman, but Gregorio wanted the property and set her father up in a rigged card game to “bet the ranch” so to speak. Najera, being both a fool and a gambling addict, fell into Gregorio’s hands like a ripe avocado after a heat wave.

The poor fellow, Esteban Najera, lost his home that night although not to the Negretes! Surprise, surprise! It was the good guy next door, Pedro Ibarra who won the Talisman property and Camila and her family were forced out after her father suicided in the master bedroom the next morning. It was most unpleasant.

It’s just as well for Camila, she managed to get a decent University degree up at UC Davis and has a chance to make something of herself in that straight-career sort of way. But I hear that she and Ibarra are hopeless romantics and are mad about each other. We’ll see what Miss Crazy Lucrezia has to say about that.

Lucrezia’a most recent stunt has landed her in the hospital and it may ruin us all.

At the Hospital

In her hospital room Lucrezia begs Pedro not to leave her. He tells her over and over again that nothing will happen between them because he loves Camila. Pedro won’t play. He is not looking for another love.

Camila stands outside the hospital room and seethes that it is clear that she won’t let Lucrezia have Pedro. (What is Pedro, the prize pig to be auctioned off at the county fair?)When Antonio comes along he stirs the pot with Camila. Pedro comes out into the hall with Antonio and Camila and they repeat several identical exchanges in which Antonio and Pedro circle one another and sniff butts.

Pedro goes back into Lulu’s room and she gets him to promise that he will visit her tomorrow. Pedro promises. (Dolt).

Out in the hall Antonio admits to Camila that Lucrezia has serious mental illness. Uh huh. Psychiatrists cannot cure it. Pedro comes out to join the conversation, and interrupts them with, “What are you talking about? The only crazy person here is you, Antonio, in your plans to separate us (he and Camila)! Nothing will separate us! (at least not for five minutes).”

Now Antonio drops another bomb into the conversation—Pedro killed his wife Mariana to get her inheritance. Camila immediately believes the worst of Pedro, while Antonio smiles at the camera and encourages continued misunderstanding between Camila and Pedro.

Pedro finally admits that he was accused of killing Mariana, but acquitted. Again, Camila stomps off and gets in the elevator alone. “All these secrets will end our relationship.” What relationship, viewerville asks?

Antonio goes into Lulu’s room and repeatedly reminds her to deny everything about her beating when she talks to the police. He threatens her with more battering if she doesn’t comply.  Lulu meets with her doctor who tells her she was lucky she did not have serious head injuries—or none that have shown up YET. Lulu thanks the doctor for giving her an idea and tells Antonio she has a new plan.

Antonio restates his belief that if she denies that her father beat her the police cannot arrest Gregorio. Lucrezia meets with the police and lies that a stranger attacked her.

But Antonio is wrong. The police come to El Alcatraz and arrest Gregorio Negrete. He goes to the county jail overnight.

Meanwhile, Pedro and Camila’s endless and boring misunderstandings continue. Camila goes back to El Tal where Pedro calls and tries to talk to her, Tia tries to talk to her and Genoveva tries to talk to her. To no avail. Camila announces that her relationship with Pedro is all business. (This is so friggin’ stupid it gives me a headache).






Next Morning

Everybody finds out that Gregorio spent the night in jail.
-Gabriel ( I think) tells Pedro and Tia.
-Sarita tells Camila and Geno.
Pedro and Camila fight, again. Each of them blames a different Negrete sibling for their differences.

At the hospital, Lulu tells Antonio what she told the police, that a stranger attacked her. Lulu is worried that there will be hell to pay after Daddy spent the night in jail. Antonio tells Lu that she should not worry, daddy dearest will soon fall ill.

Antonio calls Elvira and tells her to up the poison dosage. (Whaaat— is she poisoning the meds one pill at a time?)

At The Only Inn Armani hears his mom use the word poison and asks Elvira about it just as he comes out to model the latest in spy wear. She is getting ready to borrow Renato’s SPORTSCAR (Corvette that we saw yesterday) and to return to El Talisman in a blaze of glory.

Elvira compliments him on his ‘fit—a new pair of glasses and a white sleeveless hoodie— will turn this mild-mannered weakling into Jose,  lover of the other F. sister! Lord, this is funny.

Doris visits the jail

The next morning Panchito and I visited Gregorio in jail. Panchito is a pathetic creature, one of G.’s illegitimate sons and he worships his Dad. I must admit I was a little shocked by what I overheard of their conversation.

G. promised to give Panchito more attention and invited him to sit down at the jail picnic table. Panchito, groveling as usual, says he would do anything for Gregorio. Gregorio asked if Antonio is there to see him and Panchito says no, just he and I. Then G. really surprised me when he said to Panchito, “I think we should talk about something very important. You know you are my son? I cannot acknowledge you now but I want you to do me a favor. Be my eyes and ears inside my own family. One day, you will be over all my other children.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather. Of course, Panchito agreed to the deal because all he wants is to be acknowledged as a Negrete. Poor bastard.

The best part of what I overheard was the last thing Gregorio told Panchito,  “Doris is the only other person that I can unconditionally count on.” I have got to call Brigitte, right now.

Call it hubris, or call it what you will, but I think I have Don Gregorio Negrete right where I want him.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

La Que No Podía Amar #45 Tuesday 2/28/12 Ugly Crying, Self-Pity, and Rigid Self-Righteousness

LQNPA, Cap 45, Feb 28, 2012: Ugly Crying, Self-Pity, and Rigid Self-Righteousness

While the recap is being cooked up, I'd like us to discuss UGLY CRYING among galanes in telenovelas. I'm of the opinion that Cesar Evora is the ugliest crier in all of Telenovelaland. (I base this on his red-nosed, red-eyed, squished-face, totally-getting-into-it crying in Llena de Amor.) But I find that Jorge Salinas is a close second. For example:
Okay, he's mercifully hiding his UGLY CRYING from us in this shot. Let's try again:

That's more like it . . .

A final example . . .

And some not-so-ugly crying. (Aw, Rogelio, Rogelio!)

Jorge Salinas can also do "Pretty Crying" (as witnessed earlier in this novela) and galanes like Jose Ron and Guy Ecker are also "Pretty Criers." This is no reflection on the acting ability of any of these guys; it's just an observation.

NOW ONTO THE RECAP FOR EPISODE 45:

(NOTE: Events may not be listed in complete order, but you should be able to figure out what belongs where!)

* We have a repeat of Rohellio's ugly crying from last night. He is talking big talk about how he'll just get over all of this, and he'll never love again, blah blah blah, but Maria says, nothing doing, you have Cupcake in your heart. Rohell breaks down and admits it, and through sobs, says, "But she loves another." Maria rests her head on his lap to comfort him, as he wipes away his tears, thoroughly shattered.

* Cupcake finds Fermin at Boring del Cielo and he is welcoming and friendly. They chat and she tells him that the Guscake is not believing that she's not a gold-digging bruja. "I tried to tell him, but he won't listen." (Sort of how she wouldn't listen to Rohell! But no, she won't make that connection.)

Cupcake and Margarito meet up with a friendly Fermin.

* Fed is at the Hacienda, not-so-subtly pumping everyone for info on Cupcake. He uses the somewhat strained excuse that since Cupcake is a friend of his former employee, Dani, and because Cupcake is a "buena muchacha," that he's worried. When he talks to Maria, she won't say much, only that Cupcake is very young, and she couldn't handle stuff. And that she took Margarito with her.

* Cupcake is directed to some bungalows (sounds like a motel?) where she and Margarito can stay. Fermin also tells her that Guscake is staying with him. Cupcake wants an opportunity to talk with the Guscake some more. Fermin says that Guscake took her so-called "betrayal" really hard.

* Carmen is asking Guscake about the return of Cupcake. No, he won't take her back, but the feelings of love are still there. "Why did she return if she's with this other guy?" Carmen asks. "I don't know, I didn't ask." (Well maybe you SHOULD, idiot!) He engages in some Pretty Crying as he says he's confused, blah blah blah.

Gus makes sure Carmen knows that he's still got a thing for the Cupcake.

A classic example of Pretty Crying.

* Consuelo and Maripaz are talking about their respective loser would-be or ex-novios, Miguel and Efrain. FF>>

* Miguel is put to work in the Hacienda, while Rohell looks on and chats. They're at a steep staircase, which Rohell says is his most hated part of the Hacienda, because it reminds him that he can't walk. Rohell then wallows in self-pity. He thinks that Cupcake used the "you murdered my novio" thing as an excuse to bail on his crippled self, because after all, what woman would want to be saddled with him. (Well at the moment that's true, but it's not because of your chair, but because of your thoroughly ROTTEN personality, dude!) Miguel tries to affirm that Cupcake was, indeed, very sincere, but Rohell isn't buying it. He then muses if perhaps he was destined to be alone, even if he could walk.

Rohell talks with Miguel, as we get a good view of Miguel's saggy britches.

* Fermin deposits Cupcake and Margarito at a bungalow. She thanks him and then asks about getting work in town. Fermin thinks he may be able to help. He seems very fond of her, thinks she's a great nurse, etc. She later tells Margarito that she plans on staying in Boring del Cielo, despite Guscake being mad at her, and that eventually she'll make him listen to the full details of her situation!

* That night, Fermin advises Guscake to stop being such a rigid, self-righteous pr*ck and actually listen to the Cupcake. (Of course he says it much nicer than that.) Later, Carmen advises him to seek out Cupcake, telling him that since he loves her, he should fight for that love.

* Back at the Hacienda, Miguel is having a chat with Consuelo, and she's telling him that Maripaz still cares for him. FF>> Miguel whines about being locked up like an animal. He sends Consuelo to get him coffee, and when her back is turned, he swipes some liquor and leaves, presumably to further embrace his drunken lifestyle.

* In the morning, Rohell goes to Miguel's room, where Miguel is sleeping off an evening of dedicated drinking. Rohell relishes dumping a pitcher of water on Miguel, and proceeds to chastise and admonish him, and tells him to suck it up and stop acting like a loserific drunkard. He reminds Miguel that he got him out of jail. Miguel, still staggeringly drunk, lunges on Rohell in a display of intoxicated gratitude, while Rohell recoils from (I assume) Miguel's less-than-fresh breath. Rohell tells Miguel that he needs to take this opportunity that life is giving him and not screw it up. He then instructs Hugo to keep an eye on Miguel.

Rohell doesn't need to get any nearer to Miguel to smell him, I'm thinking.

* Vainessa and David are talking business. David owns those lands at Boring del Cielo and Rohell is interested in buying. Vainessa tells him that if it'll annoy Rohell, she'd be willing to buy these lands herself. Smug smiles from both David and Vainessa.

* Fed calls Tia MentiRosa. It's confirmed that Cupcake left the Hacienda. Tia turns on the waterworks and hits Fed up for money, for helping the Cupcake, of course. He says he'll see what he can do, keep in touch, etc. Then Tia leaves a message with Bruno, and is seriously peeved over his douchebaggery in making it look like Rohell killed the Guscake.

* Bruno visits Tia MentiRosa. She is very peeved and is screaming and hitting him. He restrains her and with bug-eyed freakiness, lays out his plan. He needs Cupcake to return to the Hacienda and stay married to Rohell. Then he can work on Cupcake to get her to hate Rohell enough to hatch a "revenge" plot for the so-called murder of her novio. The plan involves bilking Rohell for his entire fortune, as well as Sinthia's half, if they can! AND . . . (Bruno says, twirling his evil villain mustache) he wants Cupcake for himself at the end.

Two greedy villains squabble.

* An interesting conversation between Bruno and Tia. They are peas in a pod. He wants money because he had it and lost it; she wants money because she's never had it. He admonishes her for "betraying" him by pushing Cupcake to marry Rohell, and says that the perks she gets now from Rohell (the house, the income) are "charity." They could be taken away at any time. He has something better planned!

* All of this evil plotting also requires that they do away with the Guscake, so Cupcake never finds out he didn't get murdered. (Too late for that, Bruno!) Tia is not all that keen on the killing part, but in the end, you know, whatever.

Bruno gets all bug-eyed and freaky. He explains that he had to set up Rohell so Cupcake would hate him, because she was starting to fall for Rohell and that couldn't be allowed.

* Bruno and Tia plot to get Cupcake staying with Tia, where she can work on Cupcake and have her know that she has Tia's "support."

* Guscake visits Cupcake, but in the end, won't budge. More self-righteous rigidness. "Talk to the hand!" he says, as she pleads and pleads and tries to get him to understand that she went with the rich dude because she THOUGHT GUSCAKE WAS DEAD, as in dead, deceased, assumed room temperature, no longer breathing oxygen, and so forth. But Guscake still won't listen, still won't be reasoned with, and plays the aggrieved and wronged boyfriend.

Oh he with the beautiful eyelashes visits Cupcake to further discuss things.

She tries to explain, but as usual, he won't listen.

* During  this frustrating conversation with the Guscake, it comes out that Tia knew that Guscake was alive and didn't say anything to the Cupcake. Cupcake looks impactada.

* Guscake absolutely flips when he finds out that the Cupcake is married. He accuses her of not mourning for him very long and can't believe she'd be kissing him while married to (and sleeping with) her husband. Cupcake can't get a word in edgewise to explain the true nature of her marriage. This is the final straw for him—he tells her that she is dead to him.

Impactado Gus.

* Vainessa tells her dad, Fed, that she wants to buy the Boring del Cielo lands from David, just to p*ss off Rohell. Fed is worried that she's too caught up with revenge. "Aw dad, just let me do this one thing!" she whines. They agree to meet at Boca del Cielo and talk about it some more.

* Consuelo is still heartbroken that Efrain is in love with Sinthia and there won't be any wedding. She's asking Sin (who has come into the kitchen) to not hurt Efrain anymore. Maria comes in, and wants to know what's up. Conned won't tattle on the affair between Effer and Sin, but Maria is suspicious and asks Sin if there's anything between her and Effer. Sinthia, in true selfish coldness, laughs and denies it, says that it's not her fault if Effer is in love with a "Princess" like her, and (while shooting a look of contempt towards Consuelo), says that he should aim a little lower, like another peon. Man, she is one arrogant, cold bruja in this episode.

* To further convince Maria that she's in no way involved with that peon Effer, Sinthia tells Maria that the guy she's really interested in is Mersnotty's brother, Gus. Just then Mersnotty comes in and Sinthia introduces her to Maria.

* Guscake rants to Carmen that Cupcake is married but doesn't love her husband, and at the same time wants to re-hook up with him. He's even more convinced than ever that Cupcake is a heartless, man-eating gold-digger. Carmen offers herself to Guscake to help him get over his broken heart. They hug and Cupcake sees. She pouts prettily as he sees her looking at him and Carmen hug. After Cupcake rushes off, Guscake tells Carmen that she's a great girl, but there can't be anything between them just now.

* Bruno calls Rohell as Tia listens in on the conversation. Cupcake hasn't shown up at Tia's house in Tuxtla. Rohell reports that Miguel (the Weakest Link) has been found and is back at the Hacienda. (Tia is happy about this.) "He'll be here until Cupcake returns and asks for forgiveness" he says. Rohell tells Bruno to keep leaning on Dani to see if she knows anything and to keep looking and pushing. He also says to keep an eye on the Tia as well.

Bruno reports back to Rohell as Tia listens in.

Rohell tells Bruno to keep looking.

* Vainessa and Sinthia are having a visit. Vain wants Sin to come with her for that business thing at Boring del Cielo. Sinthia passes because David will be there too. Besides, she's hanging out with her new friend, Mersnotty. Vainessa curls her lip at Mersnotty, still resentful because Mersnotty supposedly had a thing with Esteban. (But you dumped Esteban, so why do you care, Vainessa? Was it that your vanity was wounded?) Vainessa says she also wants to try to work on her dad to convince him to give up looking for that so-called other daughter of his.

Sin shows off her fabulous washboard abs as Vainessa leaves the room.

* Fed comes into Rohell's office to say goodbye, as he's off to Boring del Cielo. He hopes for Cupcake's swift and safe return, and offers any help he can give. Rohell thanks him. In slinks Vainessa. She tells Rohell that she hopes his wife never returns, as Fed shakes his head slightly in disapproval. Rohell gives her a look of veiled disgust.

Not thrilled to see Vainessa.

* Carmen, Fermin's daughter-in-law, is jealous of how Guscake is still hooked on Cupcake. She's going to try to snag the Guscake for herself, because somehow it's "not fair" that Cupcake should have him, since she's an evil gold-digging married woman. Later in the episode, Carmen approaches Cupcake and implies that she and the Guscake have something going on, and that Cupcake should just back off. Indeed, Cupcake did see Gus and Carmen hugging earlier and Gus knew she saw and he didn't leave her with the impression that nothing was going on, so . . .

Carmen tries to drive Cupcake away by implying that Guscake is involved with her, Carmen.

* In the evening, Effer reports to Rohell that they have searched for Cupcake, but so far, nothing. Do they keep on looking? Rohell snaps his whip on his desk and says of course, keep on keep on keep on.

"Don't stop looking for her!" he barks at Effer.

* Cupcake is able to call Dani and tell her that the Guscake is alive and not murdered by that old turd Rohell. Though of course Rohell is still to blame for hiring a hit on the Guscake, Cupcake is convinced. (I wonder what Rohell would think if he knew that both Dani and Miguel were fully aware that Cupcake was alive and well, and they said nothing. Now of course we know why Dani and Miguel aren't telling, but at the same time, Rohell still has no idea if Cupcake is even alive, or if she has succumbed to the wild terrain she had to travel through to escape.)

* Fed is in Boring del Cielo (on business with Vainessa, etc) and encounters the Cupcake. She's freaking, worried that he'll tattle on her, but he assures her he won't. They agree to meet later so they can talk.

Fed promises to help Cupcake and they arrange to meet later. But she can't show her face right now, because Vainessa and David are also at Boring del Cielo.

* In the dark, depressing solitude of his office, Rohell muses over his and Cupcake's wedding photo. In a fit of anger he throws it against the wall and he vows that he will "make her pay!" Okay, whatever, dude, I don't believe you, but if it makes you feel better to say it, go ahead . . .

In the dark solitude of his office, he looks at the Ugly Necklace he gave her, as well as the supposedly dead novio's necklace, and broods.

He looks at their wedding photo and wonders where she is.

END OF EPISODE!

AVANCES:

Vainessa sees Paula and Margarito at the bungalows and promptly calls Sinthia and tells her.

Repeat of Rohell vowing that she'll "pay" and a shot of Cupcake and Guscake kissing.

From the avances: Vainessa smiles smugly when she spots Margarito and Cupcake.

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Una Familia Con Suerte #141-142 Tue 2/28/12 What are we WATCHING?

Enzo takes the news that Chela doesn't love him pretty well... they're both crying, but he just doesn't want her to stay away from what she wants (Pancho) on account of him. Kind of a damp rag, but sweet.

Christian can't wait to go out with his underage secretary, and he bids his wife farewell as ominous music plays. She fondles a diamond with an evil look. Huh? Help me out a little here, I haven't been watching lately.

Our weak-willed house-mistress Candi has taken to yelling for Ado just like Pina. Chela shows up weeping.

Enzo tries to get in a word with Pancho, but totally gets steam-rolled by the entrance of the rowdy Cha-Cha buddies. Pancho takes all three out to la burra. They pile in to watch Mike hit on Rebe ("I like how things are progressing between us," he says) and put the world's most conspicuous tail on them as they go out for a drive.

Pina has a chat with Vins, but Sandra runs in to cut her off and warn her that Violeta is acting even crazier than usual. Cut to the Glamazon herself, who is muttering about killing Chela. Moni finds her in this state and is not pleased.

Maybe Pancho, Enzo, and the Cha-Cha boys weren't following Rebe... they're drinking together like old buds at some kind of party. Pancho asks "mr. mariachi" to play a song for his buddy Enzo. Enzo asks for a song that will silence his heart. Poor boy. They all chat about how difficult love is. They drunkenly attempt to sing along.

We break to a scene of Chela admitting to Lupita that she's madly in love with Pancho and then return to the boys, who are still drunkenly failing to sing with the Mariachis. They finish up and stumble off, joined by some random chick.

Glamazon's muttering has risen to full-on-crazy-screaming for the life of Chela. Monica doesn't know who to call.

Freddy and Ana have been sleeping together WHAT? Pina is trying to devise a way to stop them.

The boys are still drinking, and Pancho declares Enzo to be more than a friend: a brother. Wow, that was fast! Enzo admits he used to wash cars and he owes his success to Vins... Everyone looks hugely shocked, but they deal with it and have a very nice toast. They're mega-plastered, but they're a fun bunch... hope to see more of them. Then there's a very weird bit where footage of some (I assume) famous mariachi band is spliced into the rest of the show (not old footage, I don't think, just given a filter to make it look old). Some help? The singer looks quite made up, and in fact reminds me of Data from star trek. Plus a sombrero and mustache. The Mariachis have embroidered shirts that say, I think GAMA 1000. The singer throws his sombrero and Chato catches it, which I guess means that he'll be the next to get married.

The song has some very weird lyrics, and the singer fondles the gun tucked into his pants. He then pretends to give a rose to this lady in the audience, yanks it away, and hands it to her boyfriend. After giving off a few shrieking mariachi laughs, he kicks a teddy bear and fires a few shots into the crowd. Then he starts shooting the band one at a time as people throw flower-pots and his hat back at him. Enzo looks at his shot glass as if to say "what the hell was in that tequila?" But they're still mouthing the words to the song. The singer shoots Pancho and Enzo and it becomes clear that it was loaded with blanks. All in all, a surreal cameo.

Pina wants Ado to look out and tell her when pancho gets home in his "camionsucho."

Actually, the boys do make it home... They're all drunk, but they made it home. Pancho staggers in, drunkenly singing, only to meet his ENTIRE FAMILY, who are aghast to see him like this (except Pepe, who likes the song). They lay into him.

Enzo stumbles into his house. Moni calls, still worried about the screaming psycho Mamazon. He heads out to help her.

Rebe, having Sushi w/ Mike, and man is he in fine form for greasiness. She has a flashback-memory of "teaching" Pancho to use chopsticks. He tries to impress her by remembering her favorite things, but makes little headway.

Meanwhile, Pancho is a WRECK. He's drunkenly sobbing to his family about Rebe and Mike. Temo chides him for giving up so easily, but he's not ready to hear it. Then Chela admits -to Pancho- that Enzo "cut her off."

Now Elena is having drinks and flirting with her old married boss. They start kissing in the restaurant, and I throw up a little in my mouth.

Pina shows up at Pancho's to tell everyone that Ana has been sleeping with Freddy. Yikes. Everyone makes funny faces.

Oh god, this is gross. Lena and Christian... she's going at him with all guns blazing. He does the world's worst ever job of pretending to tell her to stop because, you know, it's just not right... No one is fooled. Cheapo camera effects reveal at least one of them to be drugged. He drops dead! Then she passes out.

Pancho is in the midst of a fit over Ana. He misses her playing with dolls and stuff, and now she's a woman. Boo hoo. He cries, everyone cries (except Pina). In the middle of all this, Adoracion runs in... The Mexican embassy in Brussels (or maybe it's Belfast, Adoracion isn't sure) is on the phone for Pina! Totally random turn of events... yay!

The Mexican consul: There has been a huge disaster. Apparently Yuyu's private jet has crashed. They don't know exactly what happened, but Pina is grabbing the next flight to Belgium. This has been an exceptionally absurd episode! Maybe Yuyu has died, and Mely is coming to live in Mexico.

When they're alone (in the bedroom... woohoo!) Chela admits to Pancho that she still loves him. THEY KISS! with their eyes closed, and when they open them mid kiss, they both leap to their feet in horror with amusing masks of discomfort on their faces. They part with much awkwardness, but the next morning Pancho awakes to a mean hangover and the sight of Chela showing up with some water for him. Temo shows up and eavesdrop on their awkward chat in the morning, and knows something is up.

The next morning, Mamazon wakes up looking much less crazy and, for once, a little sexy. She denies ever having flipped out the night before, much to everyone's consternation.

Temo whines about Mely.

Now comes a scene so weird I think it might have been accidentally spliced in from another show. Some woman in an unfortunate purple dress walks into a small office, says "hi, Napoleon" to a bust of Napoleon, wakes up a computer displaying a mid-90s-era screensaver, and proceeds to have a conversation with a camera on a robotic arm while watching a video of catgirl unmasked. Actually, I think the robot camera is named Napoleon, but I'm still in the dark.

Ana grills Pancho about Chela, but he turns it around and yells at her a little more about sex. She talks about using protection and he makes a hilarious face, like, "would that I could erase that image from my head."

Lena wakes up in a room with Christian's corpse (bearing her lipstick on his cheek). She freaks the hell out, as well she should. Eventually she pulls herself together enough to call Tomas to come help her out. He arrives, realizes how crazy things have gotten, and tells her to leave. He tries to wipe fingerprints off of everything, but finds a necklace on the bedside table which seems to have deep significance to him...

At this point I kind of tune out. Nothing really important happened. Pancho gets a call from Mike, but we don't find out what it is.

Wow, that was exhausting. Thanks, guys.






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Una Familia Con Suerte #139-140 Mon 2/27/12

Hi there.
I was not able to do the recap for last night. I'd forgotten to set the DVR, and I'd been away this weekend, so when I came home late, I realized what had happened but could no longer do anything about it. I apologize.

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