Caray, Caray!

Last Night: Sofia is telling the sisters she’s known who killed the Reyes parents and why she hasn’t told Juan yet. Gabi and Feo are lying in bed reveling in the good news of the recent death of Coyote. We get to see Darth die again.

Feo wakes up in the middle of the night thinking how he’s going to be the sole heir of the Elizondo fortune when the ghost of Rosario comes back to haunt him once again. He’s scared to death and his eyes look like they’re ready to bug out of his head. He’s trying to convince himself that her ghost isn’t real.

The boys head over to their parent’s grave to tell them that their murderer, Darth, is death. They leave the snake belt on the grave as a prize. They’re sorry Darth died before he could be brought to justice to pay for his crimes. But, finally, Juan Jose and Maria Libia can rest in peace. Now the boys just have to find out who killed their sister and find justice for her. The boys swear o Mommy and Daddy to stay together forever.

Again with the full moon. Root is walking alone wondering where the heck her Daddy Darth is. Rosendo runs up to tell her that her father is dead. She flips out and wants to know who killed him. Stupid Rosendo tells her that Juan killed her father by pushing him over the edge of the canyon. Root screams like an animal, Rosendo comforts her.

Back at the dispensario, the boys come to tell Paddy Tad what happened to Darth. Miracle Priest is sitting up in a chair clutching a cross to his chest. Pad says the boys can finally rest because they’ve kept their promise to their parents. But the boys say no, they still have to find the killer of their sister. Juan tells Pad that Coyote told him that Libia was murdered. Then Juan tells his brothers and Paddy that Soledad told him that Eva is Sofia’s real mother. [Nobody has mentioned that Root is Gabi’s daughter, though.] Juan says he’s going to tell Sofia, the boys agree, but Pad says no, don’t tell her. Pad says he can’t tell him why, but to wait and not to tell Sofia or Eva. [What happened to no more lies?] Oscar tells Juan the Padre must know something, he knows lots of confessional secrets, and it’s better to do what Pad says and not tell Sofia yet.

Juan goes to Sofia’s bedroom to tell her what happened to Darth. Sofia wants to confess that she’s known about Darth being the one who murdered his parents, but he tells her he’s not in the mood to talk, he’d rather play hide the salami. They get down to business.

Oscar shows up in Jimena’s room and she’s thrilled that he can walk again. He says it’s all thanks to her love for him. Jimena asks what happened to Darth? Oscar says he’ll tell her later, now let’s do the horizontal mambo!

Yikes! The hacienda has turned into a bordello, because now Franco is in Sarita’s room, and since Sarita’s hair is loose and unpinned, you know she wants her pipes cleaned too!

Root busts into Gabi and Feo’s bedroom to tell them her father is dead and that Juan killed him. Gabi tells Rot she’s happy Darth is dead. Root promises revenge against Gabi for the deaths of her father and brother. Gabi tells Root she’s turned into a weak woman, she’s disappointed her, she’s more like Eva’s daughter now. Gabi throws her out of her house. Root says she’ll leave, but before she goes, once again she promises revenge against Gabi, and against Feo too! Feo reminds Gabi that her enemies are droppin’ like flies, but Gabi reminds Feo she still has to worry about Root. Why is Gabi sleeping in her clothes?

Back at the Doble R, Eva is asking Oscar, Franco, Tio Vicente how Root is – they tell her she’s distraught, and of course Eva runs to go see the daughter that always rejects her. After Eva’s gone, Franco comments about the big surprise coming Eva’s way. Tio wants to know the secret, he says he’ll guard it with his life. The boys tell him that Sofia is really Eva’s daughter, and that Root is really Gabriela’s daughter. (But this is the first time anyone has mentioned this out loud!) Tio Vicente is impactado. Talk about Quintina selling the bread, and her stripper show, blah, blah.

Over to the stripper show. The sisters compliment Quintina on her dancing.

Pablito is in the kitchen pretending to have muscles so he can join Quintina’s Stripper Show. Tio comes in and says none of that, Pablito has to go to school and study. But Pablito says he wants to be a star.

At the Doble E, Gabi’s goin’ tells Fatima to tell Rosendo to get the truck ready – she’s going into town to formally accuse Juan of Darth’s murder, but Juan comes in and says he’s not a murderer, he was only after justice, and he wants the same for her. Juan says he knows she’s been hiding the fact that Darth killed his parents and she’s got some ‘splainin’ to do. She says no way is he going to accuse the mother of the woman he loves like that. He says he knows she’s not Sofia’s mother, that she’s Root’s mother and that’s why she and Root are so venomous. Juan tells her that Soledad told him the truth. She tries to tell him that she doesn’t know who Sofia’s mother is, but she’s Sarita and Jimena’s mother and is he going to destroy their lives and the lives of his brothers? He says she’s going to jail no matter what. Gabs is definitely worried. We’re getting a whole new view of a different part of the hacienda in this scene. I know that they rent the real hacienda out for weddings, events, etc. – maybe the regular set was being used the day they filmed that scene?

Over at the Cabana, Eva tries to console Root. Root finally starts coming around, realizing she has nobody else. She says she wishes that Eva really had been her mother. Eva says they can live together and recover the time they’ve lost and start a new life together. [Eva’s been trying to get the heck out of Ciudad Serdan for a long time – wasn’t she going to run off with Rosario too?] Root truly looks happy at the thought of going far away with Eva to start life all over without resentment and hate, but full of love. Root cries, Eva holds her.

Sofia is thinking how she needs to tell Juan the truth about knowing who the killer of his parents was. Juan comes busting in and wants to go see the kids. She wants to talk. She confesses to knowing everything about the murder of his parents. Juan is muy impactada. He wants to know why she didn’t tell him. She explains she was afraid of how he would react. Now Juan is pissed off – he doesn’t understand how she could hide something so important from him. He walks out on her. More Sofia alligator tears, blah,blah.

Root, in a total hoochie mama outfit, sneaks up on Feo and is seducing him. There must be a Frederick’s of Hollywood outlet store in Ciudad Serdan that was having a 75% off sale today. They’re kissing, she wants to make a deal with him. Root tells Feo that if he doesn’t do what she wants, she’ll take the dagger with his fingerprints on it that he used to try to kill Paddy Tad to Officer Mutton Chops, and then the whole pueblo will tear him limb from limb. She says she’ll wait for him at the cabana tonight and she’ll tell him what she wants.

Juan comes yelling malhaya! back into the kitchen and tells the boys that Sofia betrayed him. Do we really have to live through another misunderstanding between them? Ugh. He tells them Sofia knew Darth murdered their parents. Juan says he’ll never forgive her. Tio Elf says he knew also, and Tio told Sofia not to tell Juan. They argue. Tio Elf explains that the boys have to leave behind all the hatred and vengeance, that part of their life is over. Oscar and Juan are mad as hell. Franco and Tio explain to Juan and Oscar that they also had kept a secret from the girls at one time. Juan looks like the idea might really be sinkin’ into that thick head of his. I finally figured out who Juan reminds me of – he’s the Mexican version of Jethro Clampett!

Sofia went running to the recuperating Miracle Padre to tell him Juan’s mad at her. Poor Pad, never gets any rest or respect. Pad tells her now is not the time to suffer, Juan will come to his senses and come back to her. He tells her to try and understand Juan, he has a big, noble heart, just like her, and has the capacity to forgive. She says this time nothing will separate her from Juan.

Over at Root’s Hoochie Hideaway, she’s writhing alone on her bed, planning her big surprise for Feo. She thinks if everything goes right, she’s going far away with Eva to live happily ever after. But first, she has to write Gabi a letter.

Juan is still trying to figure out a way to blame Sofia, when she storms into the kitchen and tells him he’s going to listen to her reasons for keeping the secret from him or he doesn’t deserve her love. The boys leave the two of them alone. She explains that she didn’t want to tell him because she knows how impulsive he is and was afraid of his reaction. She thought something terrible would happen, that he would kill Darth, or even worse, Darth would kill him. She says he knows damn well she’d never do anything to hurt him. He says he thought there wouldn’t be any more secrets between them. She says she did it for him, to protect him. Juan forgives her. Wow, that was a close one – I thought we’d have to suffer until the ultimo capitulo for a reconciliation. They kiss.

Root’s writing her letter to Mommy Crabs, to her that she and Feo were lovers, and how much they enjoyed betraying Gabi together. She seals the envelope.

Starsky, ex-Crutch, and Jethro are brainstorming about the murder of their sister. They narrow down the suspects to Feo and Crabs. Juan thinks one of the employees at the hacienda might know something.

Root gives Eva the letter to give to Gabriela in case something happens to her. Eva should disown Root for wearing that skankalicious dress! Root also tells Eva she’s decided to accept Eva’s offer to run far away with her. Eva is on Cloud 9. Eva wants to leave right now, but Root tells her she has to take care of something first.

The boys are interviewing Rosendo about the night of Libia’s death. Rosendo tells them that Feo left the hacienda in the truck that night, going very fast, like he was following someone.

Root goes to see Gabi and Gabi tries to throw her out. Root says before she goes, she wants to give Gabi a big surprise. Sofia walks in and wants to know what’s going on. Root says Gabi knows a truth that Sofia would be interested to know. Sofia questions Gabi. Root eggs Gabi on to tell her. Gabi tells Sofia that Root was the one who put the snake in the girl’s bedroom! Root and Sofia are both muy impactada! Boy, that Gabi’s a slick one!

Malhaya otra vez! The boys can’t find Feo, they’ll look for him again tomorrow. Eva runs in to tell them the good news about she and Root going away together to live happily ever after. Danger Will Robinson! One big anvil about to drop. Juan says she can’t leave. Eva’s like no, you don’t understand, my hoochie mama daughter has finally accepted me, we’re out of here. Juan’s like yeah, that’s why you’re not going anywhere! Juan doesn’t want to break his promise to Pad about not telling Sofia or Eva, but the boys tell him that he can’t let Eva go. Eva is totally confused. Juan tells Eva that Root is not her daughter, she’s Gabriela’s daughter and about Raquel’s baby swapping. Eva is devastated. She fed up with this – she wants to know who the hell her daughter is! Juan finally tells Eva that Sofia is her daughter! Eva is impactada, but in a good way.

Labels: Fuego

Well that was a nice Countdown with Keith Olbermann intro. Speaking of interesting music; let’s drum-up a gay afternoon orchestra and play light, airy British picnic music as Gabi tells herself she’s the Angel of the Apocalypse…Bwahahahaha. More like Angel of halter tops gone amiss. Clearly, the musical director kicked back a few of whatever Ricky keeps in his secret pouch before compiling today’s melodious mix of mishap. It’s the perfect interlude for a declaration of war—that is, if you’re fighting over who get’s the last short bread cookie at a riverside brunch…

Sally Scarface feels compelled and confident enough to repeat something Six-feet under Raquel told her about Sofia; it’s probably not true. As if we didn’t know since day one, Sofia’s real mommy is Eva. And everyone in North America knows, except Sofa who, among other things, lacks a cable connection and much less a tin can and string. Don’t you all be so surprised all at once.

Well, we know Gabi is thinking clearly again on account of the flowing amounts of liquor. Some people are simply better when they’re not conscious. As if this weren’t enough, Coyote is now officially public enemy “numero uno,” and will probably attack her at any time now. That’s why she has taken up the custom of shooting at anything that isn’t her beloved goblet. Then again, maybe she shouldn’t shoot her ex-husband because, as Thomas Jefferson Washington Carver so prophetically said; the enemy of my enemy is my husband…

Seems that PadTad had a run-in with one wild, demonic donkey and lived to tell about it. The whole town, or at least the small handful of people who weren’t holding out for his downfall, is present and is lead in a recalcitrant chant commemorating the great Paddy by the ever-clueless Quinti. However, nothing was sweeter to my ears than the heartfelt rendition of “Ave Maria” Franco so generously regaled to us. I am confident that you will appreciate the true beauty after considering that this is post-South Beach marijuana bust; it’s obviously taken a lot for him to return to voice-over quality in a sound-controlled booth. Hallelujah, PadTad, Jesus and the Saints.

After many years of desperately searching for a reason to be bitter and kill innocent people, Sally finally summons Juan to get payback for Ricky’s brutal murder of the only remaining proof that someone actually found her desirable many, many moons ago. Can’t you see that memories of the drunken sex-capade are all she has left to cling to? You must kill Ricky, Juan-y.

The girls are all like “what a lovely mass, and Franco should open the SuperBowl, blah, etc., blah.” Gabi’s all like “did he die, did he die? God, I hope so.” No, he’s alive and preaching to any inanimate objects that will listen. “What a pity,” only she thought bubbles this one because she’s so drunk she forgot about her own personal vendettas and is just more “chill” like this. Note to criticizing AA rep. Sofia and discerning reader: If the traps, landmines, tree explosions, cyanide pills, heart conditions, and hidden strings on the steps didn’t kill her, it’s almost certain that the alcohol won’t either.

In a performance worthy of Mighty Joe Juan Robles-Reyes, Ricky goes to Sally in a fearful fit of tears and “forgive me’s.” She breaks down into one of her blind rages and delivers a performance curiously reminiscent of that of little Hellen Keller in the 2000 ABC remake of “The Miracle Worker.” No, honey, that's the well, I'm over hear. That’s just like life to introduce us to our estranged narco-trafficking children and take them away before we can formally accept to ourselves and others that they are the biological fruits of our loins.

In keeping with tonight’s British country side war scene Sundays, Juan is on his own less-taken war path of vengeance for Ricky’s wrongdoings. Just when you thought his thickheaded astuteness and insistence were unbreakable, Root convinces him not to kill the father of her late brother. As if he were even remotely capable, he asserts that he will gather the compromising evidence to ruin Ricky for good. See, look, I have a piece of paper he once signed in my armoire—clearly that means he killed Raquel. And see this belt; Gabi had it in her possession, so that means he killed my parents. And he thought Fernie would have been old enough to kill his parents… Yes, this scene is the culmination of a year of torturous ignorance and naïveté. Pinch me, I’m dreaming…

After taking his own son’s life, the only way Ricky can make it right is by taking more lives. Like, for instance, Gabi, who, as we all know, forced Ricky to kill Coyote. Then of course, there’s that whore Sofia who probably looked at Coyote the wrong way. Quick, while he lets go of Sofia, go tell Juan that he’s got Sofia at gun point. The monstrous Ricky goes for a stab at Gabi. Just then Fernie intervenes with his gun. If she dies, then there’s no hope at him becoming universal heir or even horse-shit scooper-upper. Not so fast, because faster than a speeding bullet is a speeding 45-year-old man in boots and mariachi gear. Take that, old man, and that, and that. How do those spurs taste? Just like WWF, Juan runs up the stairs, sits on Ricky’s face, then rolls him down the stairs. You killed my parents, I kill you. Now taste this leather belt. Gasp! If only we could all put 40 years of history behind us and all get lives… “Beg me, beg me.” Juan contemplates killing Ricky. Yes, even though this is something Juan thought about every day of his life and dreamed about in the womb, the subject still requires more contemplation. In this side of the ring, Gabi is encouraging the death of this murderer. In the other corner Sofia, who is pretty much the town psychologist, convinces Juan to not kill Ricky. That’s right; turn him over to the local (equally incompetent) authorities. Just when you thought the sheriff was going to lock Ricky away for the night, Ricky punched him out and ran away. I am so putting in for a federal grant for this police locale…

Thus, we have our wild horse chase. Which, I’m willing to bet is the same exact scene they used when Juan’s baby was missing and he went tumbling down the waterfall for a moon-light swim.

The other happy couple, i.e. Gabi and Fernie, are enjoying a nice cognac in bed while contemplating whom to kill next. How about my licentious daughter Root? We will kill her for having a better leather push-up. Indeed, dear.

So, Ricky is all out and about and shooting at shadows or anything else that moves. Then he sees Juan right in front of him and stops shooting. Just for that, he deserves to die. Anyway, the gangs all there in their Disneyworld ponchos and BB guns. I hope he’s ready to meet his maker…

Well, it just goes to show you, as in every other episode, if you get enough alcohol and barbiturates in someone, you can get them to make you the universal heir to their fortune. Provided they haven’t wasted it on halter tops and brandy.

Once an incompetent buffoon, always an incompetent buffoon. I can’t even describe how stupid this death scene was. But, if you have to know… Juan had several opportunities to kill his father’s assassin; but he didn’t. Then, Ricky almost killed Juan on several occasions; but he didn’t. Then Ricky almost fell off a cliff after Juan shot his snake belt (funny that the thing that killed his parents saved him), but Franco told Juan to pull him back up because “the Reyes aren’t killers.” So, Juan turned his back to the storm and almost got stabbed, except a Gardner snake slithered on Ricky’s boot and, sadly enough, forced him to drop his knife and fall off the cliff which was easily 30 yards away. Now the Reyes will never have to feel guilty about beating up an old man who might not have killed their parents. Yay for moral justice!

Labels: Fuego

Last of my recaps for Cheryl, who'll be back from Mexico any day now...

"Die, Soledad! But first, tell me who your son is! I tried to burn you alive once before, I'll get you this time, here, sniff this gas!" That's Gabriela yelling as she flings gasoline all around Soledad's place and throws a match in it. Obediently, Soledad sniffs, gasps, chokes, and stands stock-still instead of leaving the house.

Gab brains her with a crucifix, yes, this has got to be about the top of the list of punishable offenses. Only thing worse, braining your own mother with a crucifix. Or a baby.

Gab just about runs her truck into Coyote's truck, yes, I see why we were discussing his neckwear yesterday. My mother had one of those fox fur neckpieces...

"Be more careful, Gab." "I was, uh, distracted." "Well, can't stand here and chat, I have to go see Juan." "Juan? He and those brothers are my worst enemies!" "Well, then, so am I. You never noticed I was faking my affection for you? I'm your worst enemy." Big reveal: his parentage. She counters: "Well, don't worry about your mother's happiness, I just took care of it. She won't be suffering any longer."

Juan busts into Soledad's house, scoops her up a la the Incredible Hulk, takes her outside, goes back in and extinguishes the fire in about 25 seconds. Soledad anxiously orders him to find Coyote.

He finds Coyote. As Darth rolls his bug-eyes emotionlessly behind a tree - imagining that Coyote is ratting him out for killing Juan's parents - Coyote is actually trying to tell Juan who assassinated Libia. However, he pauses so frequently, so portentously, and with so many ellipses that Darth shoots him before any helpful information gets out. If they put their minds to it, these people could tell each other all they need to know in about four seconds. --Ed.]

It's a bad day for Soledad: first almost burned to death again, then her son gets shot. As she cradles him in her arms shouting "Hijo! Hijo!" at him, he asks for her blessing and dies. She sobs and gives a lot of speeches. She sends all the silent awkward looking extras away.

Father Bouffy (now you've really got me staring at his forehead trying to find the wig line) is asphyxiating in bed (if you read the closed captions, they tell you so). Bouffy is muttering about breaking the sacrament of the confessional because he has to stop the evil of Gabriela and Fernando. He calls for Commandant Muttonchops! Mutton comes stumbling in and asks "Who shot you?" [No harm in trying to make his work easier. --Ed.]

"I don't know, I have a suspicion, but that's not why I called you here. I denounce ... (asfixia) I denounce ... " Too late! Too many ellipses!

Muttonchops watches him dying without bothering to call for the doctor. Luckily, though, the doctor happens by just then and, luckily, he has with him today's most cutting edge technology: a stethoscope, which he applies firmly to Pad's writhing torso.

The Reyes brothers and their girls are reviewing in the next room. A shout brings them scurrying to Pad's bed. They count off, all present! "Love each other! Guard your love!" "Oh we will we will!" "Don't squabble!" And he seems to be gone! We cut to church, it's a funeral, some preacher is telling our grieving assembled cast: "Don't let your light become darkness!" Then we snap back to the hospital bed where Juan's big argument in favor of Tad not dying is: "You promised you'd perform our marriage!"

Why doesn't the doctor give Bouffy some oxygen? "I go in peace!" And there's a bright light, and Tad is dressed in white, and it's the pearly gates, and he spreads his arms, but then he breaks into song:

Whoah, Death come a knockin' on that Christian's door,
Said, "Old Christian, are you ready to go?"
He said, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Because I ain't got on my travelin' shoes...
(Ain't paid my dues, yes, sayin'...)
...No, no, no, Oh Lordy, no, no, no
Because I ain't got on my travelin' shoes..."
Pad explains to God: "I left a job unfinished," so boom, he's back in his hospital bed looking pretty darn good. It's a miracle!

[If you taped this, go back and look at the doctor in the background: he spreads his arms in pious amazement and then stares all astonished at his stethoscope like, "Whoah, stethoscope, according to you this guy was gonna be dead!" Fine method acting. --Ed.]

Bouffy recaps his whole pearly-gates experience to his boss, His Eminency (previously seen as that sleazy lawyer guy in Juan Querendón) and says he didn't actually break his sacrament; he'll have to "stop the evil" himself.

Elsewhere, Ruth is all happy, thinking about her brother. "You're my only, last hope!" She innocently adds: "He won't fail me!"

But Darth, a relaxed and cheerful drunk, arrives to boast: he's gotten rid of one of his worst enemies, now there's only Furd and Gabriela to deal with. "Who'd you get rid of?" "Coyote of course, he bothered me, he bothered me right much!" "You killed him?" "He was my enemy, he had to die!"

She screams and hits him, he's confused. "You killed my brother! Your own son!" He rolls his bug eyes. Ruth shrieks and breaks things. "I'm alone again, my father is an assassin." She considers shooting herself in the mouth.

It's another full moon!

Gab is reading something pretty dreadful, or else she's just monologuing as she stares in her book: "I am the Angel of the Apocalypse! ... burning people ... sending of plagues..." what is she wearing, it looks like a black straitjacket pulled down over a white blouse. She's mad at herself for not figuring out that Coyote was the vengeful son, and she gives snake eyes to her pill bottle - she thinks Coyote put poison in it. "War is Declared!" she declares, hmm, what was it before?

Soledad has gone to a convent to end her days. She will pray for her son and make sad speeches. Juan goes to visit her and offer his assistance. "Don't blame yourself, Juan, he chose the path of hate and vengeance. Now sit down, I have to tell you: Raquel confessed to me that Sofia is not Gabriela's daughter, she is the daughter of Eva." Whoah, be still my heart. Where are my travelin' shoes? I'm out of here, Cheryl, back to you!

Labels: Fuego

We start with Coyote and his loyal dead pets learning that Feo killed Libia.

Evil Uribe is fretting to Ruth because he can’t get close to Soledad, that the house is surrounded.

Pa Uribe tells Root someone tried to kill el Padre and he found a dagger in the horse stalls so knows it was Fer that tried to kill him. He has it hidden and won’t tell her where it is. Root adds to the hatred by telling Pa said Fer tried to abuse her last night, but Coyote saved her. Uribe warns her she needs to stay close or her enemies will get her. Root wants to leave here for a new life but first wants to find out who her brother is, and she thinks that Sole and her brother might actually forgive him if he tells the truth that he was a victim of Gabi and they can all go somewhere and live together far away from here. What is she smoking? These people have sworn vengence for 40 years and all of a sudden they are going to play nice nice? Didn’t they already live somewhere else for a long time anyway? Hmm…

Ruth tells Pa she’ll see if she can’t change things, she’s going to look for Sole. She tells him…don’t move. He’s thinkin’ “I won’t but I’ll drink this fifth of tequila….”

Fer gives money to Gabi as and advance on the contract they signed. He does it as a sign of his “loyalty” for Gabi she accuses him of having something to do with Ruth, of course he denies it and yells at her for trusting a guy whose full name she doesn’t even know over him? Well, he does have a point there.

Ruth is interrogating Sole and tells her she knows her Dad and he really loved Sole. She wants to know who he bro is. Bro, with pets in tow, shows up and admits to her he is the brother.

Ruth is all excited. Sole leaves them to chat. He tells her how much he wished that he could have gotten to know her, but life didn’t allow it. She syas they still have time to be together and start over. He says he almost wishes she wasn’t around him. He can’t tell her why and asks her to leave, but he’ll look for her later. She begs him not to disappoint her that he is her only hope. She gives him a huge backwards hug. He makes that funky sad smile and proclaims he will have to disappoint even against his will, sorry, he’s got to kill Daddy, or something.

Fer is yelling some crap at Gabi but she’s not listening. Oh no, she’s telling herself she thinks it’s best if he thinks she does believe in him, and if he betrays her she’ll undo him. She then says she has to go see the padre and asks him to come in.

Ruth goes to look for Pa but he’s not there. She wants to tell him who his son is but he betrayed her and left. And we see indeed he drank nearly that whole tequila bottle. I’m surprised he could walk anywhere.

Gabi shows up to see the padre but Juan wants to prevent her from going in. Juan warns Feo he suspects him of doing this but Feo says nope, besides I’ve confessed to him many times that makes it impossible for me to kill him. Juan says watch out, if he dies you will be first on my sh*t list.

Gabi tells Pad that she never really repented, ha! He goes into shock and she tells him nothing would thrill her more than if he died. Nice. The nun goes for the doc and Juan comes in and is told by Pad to go and find the bishop.

Ruth is on happy pills as she paces and wonders where her drunkard Pa went off to so she can tell him who’s her bro.

Juan essentially kidnaps the bishop from Puebla.

Feo returns Ma to rest and proclaims that damn priest has more lives than a cat. That’s because he lives in Telenovela land. He walks into his office and who is there but evil Uribe who shows him the bag that had the hidden dagger in it. Evil Uribe says now they are even that he knows the secet so don’t f with him.

Juan returns with the Bishop who kicks Juan out. Finally this guy has some balls. Tad wants to reveal a secret of confession to the bishop. Bish is impactado.

Ruth and Crabbi’s turn to face off. Crabbi throws out insults about Juan rejecting her and that they are the sameshe knows Ruth pulled the serpent on the babies. Nope, Ruth doesn’t want to end up like her it gave her pleasure to be bad to people but Ruth had no choice but she will be saved. Ruth swears she will be saved by her brother. The son of the only woman that Ricardo really loved. Crabbi will know soon enough who he is. So take that.

Coyote is spying on Ruth leaving the hacienda and he deduces that something is bothering her. He wonders if he should give up his revenge to help her out. He has to think really hard about this. I say don’t think too hard lest you crack that egghead of yours. He recalls that Feo killed Libia and decides that Juan needs to know this.

Bishop refuses Pad’s request. Pad’s talking anyway he decides. Let God judge him.

Juan gets the news that Coyote wants to see him. He tells Oscar he has to go because it’s about Libia. Somehow evil drunk Uribe marches on the scene. He makes fun of Juan as the hero and Juan says look I know you offed Raquel you had a motive, remember those documents. Justice will catch up with you and you’ll pay. Urbie jibes, yeah just like it did the killer of your parents, you lost. This was great. Buffed Juan is no match for the Uber drunk Uribe and he clocks him to the floor. Uribe gets up eventually and wonders what Juan is going to Coyote for and maybe he needs to see Gabi about it.

Gabi goes to see Sole. She wants to know who the son is. Sole of course isn’t giving up the goods. Crabi curses her and then comes back with a can of gas and waives it in front of Sole’s face. She can of course smell what it is and screams. The thing I’m wondering is, this happened once before, so wouldn’t your next move be to try to run out the door? I know she’s blind and all, but she knows how to get to her front door I think, she could at least try while psycho beatch is pouring gas all over the place. But, alas, she waits too long and gets knocked out with a giant cross instead. Now she’s done for.

Uribe catches up with Coyote on the road to his house and wants to ask him what he’s going to tell Juan. He tells him it’s about a Reyes death, why? Might you have something to do with one? He says people have thought so, but I killed no one if Gabi said so it’s a big fat lie. Hmmmm Coyote whips out his trusty peace of snakeskin and says well what’s this??? Uribe looks impactado. Coyote says I know you killed Raquel, but I’ll have to deal with you later. His gunmen move it to make sure of that.

Looks like Sole is coughing so maybe she’ll be ok.

Coyote is not far now, but of course he almost runs into Gabi as she is trying to get away. He tells her to watch her driving. She wants him to hang out a little, but he says nope, I have to talk to Juan, sorry. She says, Juan he’s my enemy what business do you have with him? He says well that’s just it. How stupid you are. I got close to you to do away with you, you are my enemy, I am the son of Uribe and Soledad you idiot. Gabi is impactado.

We are left with a millisecond of a brawny guy in a giant sombrero busting in the door on the burning house. Guess Juan saves the day?? We’ll see tomorrow.

Labels: Fuego

Capítulo 187

As we in Viewerville begin another of our nightly forays into the land of Mexiloon, we join-in-progress as two-thirds of the Reyes Brothers’ brain trust is at the Double E (Hacienda de las Elizondo y del asqueroso ese, Escandon) watching Fernando throwing papers from his safe into a satchel. Ah-hah! Fer has left the mysterious little wooden chest behind so Franco immediately hands it to Oscar, the crip on the crutches, to open. However, before The Disabled One can perform this nifty balancing act, Fernando suddenly grabs the mystery-box out of his hand and stashes it along with the rest of his stuff into the satchel then exits stage left. (“It’s a fine mess you’ve gotten us into, Stanley!” --Sorry, but the similarity to Laurel and Hardy here is just too overwhelming to ignore.) Now all the incriminating evidence is gone in a flash cuz Feo’s got his stash.

At the same time back at Comisario Central, Muttonchops is forced to let Darth Rico go for lack of evidence. However, DV cannot leave town because there’s still a homicide investigation. Darth says no way he’d dream of leaving this berg till he’s finished what he came for. He makes a show of ambidextrously checking his two pistols and struts out the door. Padre Tadeo, who’s come to get Fermin released, walks out from the cell area and is told that Raquel Uribe was found dead at the bottom of a ravine and that Juan has accused Darth of killing her. Pad Tad thinks to himself that he hopes now Gabi will wise up and kick out that murderous bunch from her hacienda. He then takes Fermin back to the rectory.

Back at the Double E, Juan goes upstairs to his room after seeing Fer walk out the door with his man-purse. HIs brainiac brothers tell him what just happened. We get two minutes of Larry, Curly and Mo arguing about how they just let Fer get one over on them. The only thing missing are the eye boinks and the head-slaps.

Meanwhile, Feo enters the rectory office and hides his m'urse of goodies in the base of a pedestal underneath a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. (¡Qué ironía!) Padre Tadeo enters immediately afterward and asks him why he’s there. Feo fudges and says he has been waiting to speak to him and the priest lights into him immediately about being in no mood to hear a confession about his murdering Raquel Uribe. For only the second time in his life Fernando is honest and denies any knowledge that Raqui was offed. Fermin is unlucky enough to walk in behind Tadeo. Feo warns him about opening his mouth. Pad Tad jumps in to tell him to save it because Fermin fears not, that Fer’s time to pay for his wicked ways is fast approaching and BTW, Gabriela has now confessed and repented whole-heartedly of all her sins so not to go counting on help from her end either. Feo knows she’d actually have to have a heart first so he just stands there and smirks.

Speaking of the aforementioned Heartless One, she is now sitting in her bed and devising another plan to keep Jimena and Sarita with her at the hacienda indefinitely (if not longer). She tells herself that if Sofia leaves then they’ll follow her and she’ll be left all alone there. So, whatever it takes, she’s got to keep Sofia there for her own protection.

Sofia, meanwhile, is downstairs telling her sisters she’s leaving the hacienda because she’s finally had enough of Mama’s guff. Jimena says she’s coming too and asks Sarita if she’s still determined to stay by Mama’s side and give up her chance at happiness with Franco. (Yeah, Sarita. So how’s it working out for you so far? --Will somebody head to the drugstore in town and get Dr. Phil on the phone, cuz this gal is in definite need of some serious intervention.)

Somehow Padre Tadeo has lost track of Fermin and comes back into the rectory office looking for him. He spies a note supposedly from Fermin saying he’s run away because he’s too freakin’ afraid of Fer. Pad Tad tells himself that he must understand that not just anyone can face Eeevil. Speaking of which, the Blood-Sucker, Fernando (note the hanging garlic framing his malevolent mug at the market stall) stops to look at a number of nasty-looking knives. He thinks back to Padre’s words of warning. He snickers to himself and says no, it’s more like time has come to get rid of his enemies and knowing Gabi the way he does, there’s no way she is ever going to truly repent for her sins. He chooses the dagger he wants.

Night falls, and time stands still, as the everlasting “luna llena” (full moon) of Mexidoom rises. Gabi goes downstairs and tearfully begs her daughters not to leave her. Sofia says she’s getting what she wants most, her hacienda, and they’re leaving her to it. Gabi pulls a tantrum and cries that her daughters are all that really matter to her. She even gets on her knees just to make it look good. She promises to change her ways, but Jimena and Sarita tell her she’ll never change. (Hey, is that a suitcase in Sarita’s hands? Hmmm. Maybe Jimena’s a better life coach than I gave her credit for.) Gabi then promises to give her consent to their relationships with the Reyes’s. Just then Juan and his brothers arrive to take the three of them back to the Double R (Hacienda de los Robles-Reyes) with them. She whines and snivels on Juan’s shoulder and tells him she’ll even consent to them with her daughters. Just don't please take them away just yet. Everybody thinks the old witch has gone ‘round the bend.

Pad Tad and his faithful donkey, Platero –yes, the donkey does have a name—are walking back through the woods to the rectory after a very successful day ministering to the faithful when the Grim Reaper suddenly appears from behind in the moonlight. Fernando, jumps out at the priest from the bushes to crescendos of Phantom of the Opera-style refrains. Disguised once more behind a scarf, a serape and a huge sombrero, he attacks Padre Tadeo and stabs him in the gut. (Feo took the tiniest dagger in the bunch. Granted a four-inch blade can kill, but I still find it hard to believe that he actually was able to penetrate through two or three layers of smock and undies or whatever and mortally wound Tadeo. That little thing doesn’t look like it could cut butter, let alone mortally wound somebody. Silly me.) Lightning flashes from the heavens and Padre Tadeo helplessly drops to the ground as Fernando sneers at his handiwork and thinks to himself, “Good riddance, little priest!”

Juan is disgusted with the whole Mama scene and tells Gabi that it’s come to this because nobody can stand her any longer, and both Franco and Oscar tell her they won’t permit her or anybody else to abuse the women they love any more. She promises never to insult them or to interfere with the three couples again. Juan gives up in frustration then and tells Sofia and her sisters it’s their choice. He says they’ll stay there to protect them but just until her mother is recovered, though as far as he’s concerned he doesn’t believe a word of it. Sofia gives in and they all agree to stay on till she’s better. Mother Hen pecks her way back upstairs and her three little chicks follow. (Ugh.)

Oscar tells Juan and Franco he thinks she’s faking too, and it’ll be forever till they get their women back. Juan swears he won’t fall for that again and it will only be until Gabi gets better. (Ha! Oscar is on to something here. A woman with a heart condition that calls for surgery might not ever get well again. They could be waiting till Hell freezes over.) Franco reminds them that the priest told them she’d confessed her sins and repented, but Juan figures she deceived the priest.

Speaking of which, the poor prelate is prostrate as the rain storm moves in. He asks for forgiveness and waits to die. Fernando takes off his disguise and looks over at him from a clearing in the bushes. “Poor Padre Tadeo. Well that’s life! Good things don’t last long.” Suddenly lightening flashes and causes two crossed branches to catch fire. (Holy symbolism, Batman!) Fer walks away in the opposite direction.

Back at the Double E, Oscar is still complaining to Juan about Gabriela’s faking. Juan says he’ll make sure the old lady doesn’t go back on her word and then he reminds them they still need to find their parents’ and Libia’s murderers and to see justice is done.

Upstairs, back in her bed, Gabi thinks to herself that she really hated all that begging and groveling she did in front of the Reyes’s to make sure that her daughters would stick around. She figures that at least Juan will be good protection against Fernando and if worse comes to worst she might even tell Juan about Fernando’s being the one responsible for killing his sister.

At the same time, Feo pulls up in front of the barn. Darth Rico just happens to be skulking in the bushes and sees him. He follows him into the barn and notices him hiding something but doesn’t know exactly what. Darth confronts him but Fernando says it’s nothing that concerns Rico, but he has heard that Raquel is dead and he’s sure that Rico murdered her. DV sniffs. “What can I tell you? She deserved it for fooling around with you!” He slugs Feo unexpectedly in the snout. Fer gets up and tells him he owes him for betraying his father and that it’s his fault he lost everything and committed suicide. DV tells him his daddy was a simple-minded fool the same as Fer and it’s “Wrestle-mania II” for a while till Rico falls to the ground and Feo pulls a nearby pitchfork on him. He’s got his foot on Rico’s neck and Rico is too winded to get out from under him. “You’re time has come!” He’s just about to spear him when Rosendo walks in on them and asks what’s going on. “Nothing. Ricardo was just learning about farming implements and I was demonstrating.” Fer thinks twice about things then and throws the pitchfork back into the hay.

The Reyes’s ride out to Libia’s grave to tell her even though they’ve given up on vengeance for the good of their women and their little daughters, they’re still gonna grab the guy what done her in. It starts to pour outside.

We beam back to the Double E where Gabi has sent for El Coyote. “Pardon the informality of my bedroom.” She hands him the bottle of pills Feo gave her and asks him to check to see if they’re really what’s written on the label because she’s afraid that Fernando is trying to kill her.

On the way back from the Bat Cave, the Reyes’s come across Pad Tad’s half-dead body lying in puddles of mud and they take him into town.

Alone, outside the hacienda, El Coyote takes the pills and crumples the snake trim he’s still carrying with him. “You’re time has come, Gabriela Aceveda, yours and Ricardo Uribe’s also. Forgive me, God, but this is much stronger than I.”

The Reyes’s arrive back in town. Juan carries Pad Tad in his arms and s-l-o-w-l-y walks toward the little clinic as the town folk suddenly appear in droves with torches. (Ok. Now, the guy is bleeding to death—not that we see even the first drop of blood on him—and the whole town, Juan included, gets hit with an attack of Tortoise-ites?) It’s raining cats and dogs outside. Juan suddenly stops in the middle of the town square to pray to the diosito to save the priest. (Now, is it just me, or, shouldn’t he do that AFTER he drops him off at the clinic????? I mean, normally these people run around like chickens with their heads cut off whenever there’s the slightest emergency, but now everybody suddenly gets the S-L-O-W-S????) “Don’t take him from us yet, Lord.” (Yeah, at least not till they get him into the freakin’ clinic!!)

Finally the good doctor races out into the rain and tells them Tadeo's still breathing (now that IS a miracle) and they take him inside and leave him there, knife wounds and all. The doc examines him. (No rush to get an ambulance or a truck to race him off to the ER at the hospital in Puebla City like they did for Gabi and for Sofia. Nope. Nothin’ doin’. I guess Pad Tad’s on his own with this one.)

While all this is going on in town, Darth starts to search the barn for whatever it was that Fer hid. Eventually he finds the bloody dagger (conveniently wrapped in plastic) and slides it under his jacket for safekeeping till the time is right to use it against Fer.

Back at the Double R, Hortensia, Quintina and Eva discuss the fact that Juan and his brothers have started looking into their sister’s death again.

Over at the Double E, Rigo comes to tell Sofia and the others what has happened to Padre Tadeo. He takes Sofia and Jimena to town with him and Sarita stays to look after Mama. Once they get to the little clinic Sofia gets the rundown on Pad Tad from Juan. Everyone is in the waiting room waiting for news. It doesn’t look good. He may not last. Nabor walks over and tells them that he can’t prove anything, but Fernando Escandon has been threatening the priest for a long while now. Caras impactadas all ‘round.

Back at the bungalow Root is looking for Papa Bear. Suddenly Fer (the busy beaver) jumps her and starts choking her because she won’t tell him what she said to get Juan to give her back that document she signed giving Fer half her inheritance. Out of nowhere Coyote appears and pulls him off her. Fer tells him to stick his nose out of it and he starts to go after Coyote, but the posse appear just as suddenly out of nowhere and cock their rifles. “You’re pretty brave as long as you’ve got your men aiming at me, but one of these days I’m going to get you when you’re all alone.” “—Anytime! And don’t mess with Root again or you’ll have to deal with me.” Feo threatens him again but Coyote just stares him down. Feo brushes off his hat and leaves.

Root wants to know why Coyote was there protecting her. He tells her they’ll get together the next morning and have a long chat, but he doesn’t have time right then for it. “You must learn (Grasshopper) that in order to survive one must be patient.” Root is mesmerized.

Back at the clinic, Eva rushes in to tell Juan and Sofia that the town is up in arms and looking to lynch whoever is responsible for attacking Padre Tadeo. (I say fine. It’s about time we get a little vigilante vengeance thing going where Feo is concerned.) Pad Tad regains consciousness just in time to make Juan promise he won’t allow the town to do something they’d regret later. Juan promises and then goes out to talk to the angry mob. Everyone mumbles. The Borg Sisters (resistance is futile) chant in unison, “Nothing that you might say will change our desire for revenge!” (Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do.) Juan wins out though, and he convinces everybody to pray.

Back at Hellhaven, Gabi tells Sarita that it’s too bad about Padre Tadeo, but after all, he was sort of looking for it by always meddling where he didn’t belong. Sarita can’t believe The New and Improved Mama would say such a thing, especially after getting right with God. Gabi is quick to correct her daughter’s errant thoughts. “I never separated myself from God, just from Tadeo’s parish. (Sorry, but I have always thought that huge cross on her wall should have been more appropriately turned upside down the way she practices religion.) They agree to visit him the next morning if he doesn’t croak first. Sarita drones on. Gabi nods as if she's listening but actually is lost in her own thoughts that it would be better for her if he dies now that he knows so many of her deep, dark secrets. The priest has just been a regular nuisance for her and she hopes to Hell that he does die.

The town prays for the priest outside the little clinic throughout the night and into the next morning. The good doctor checks Tadeo for vitals and tells Sofia and Juan that there has been a slight improvement. Juan and Sofia rush to his bedside and Juan whispers to him that he must make the effort to get better. He promises to never look for revenge again and to trust in the law. Sofia reminds the padre that the town needs him. He’s their hope and their faith, their word of God. (All right already. We get the picture.) Everything is sweetness and sunlight….

Meanwhile, Coyote is getting ready to drive back to Gabi with the pill bottle. He says to himself that the medicine has definitely been tampered with and if she continues to take it she will get worse day by day. (Woah there! What kind of new leather ghetto garb is our boy wearing now? Will you get a load of the fox collar on that leather jacket of his? Hey, far be it from me to say anything, but isn’t it like the middle of summer there?) Coyote tells himself that Fernando may want to kill her but he’s not going to succeed. Before he does, Coyote will do her in himself.

Coyote gets back to the hacienda and gives Gabi back her meds. He tells her they’re perfectly fine and to take one now to make sure she doesn’t mess up her schedule. She is all smiles and swallows a tablet. She fawns over how trustworthy a man he is. He says his respect for her is just as high, yada, yada. He asks her then why she feels Fer is trying to kill her. “He must owe on a few deaths, huh?” (Sorry, but that phrase threw me.) At first she balks, but he tells her that she needs to trust him and come out with it all so he’ll be forewarned should things come to that and he’s needed to protect her.

Gabi still is hesitant so Coyote says it’s obvious that she loves Fer much more than he loves her. She asks what he means. He explains that the night before he found Feo abusing Root and it seemed they had an odd sort of relationship. It seemed to him they had something going on between the two of them. (Anvil #2 has just dropped.) Gabi refuses to believe this. “It can’t be! He swore—“ “—Don’t get upset. I made a mistake.” He gets ready to leave her "in the hands of her husband whom she so greatly trusts.” Gabi calls him back and says he’s right, that she really does trust Coyote more than Fer. Coyote reels her in a little farther and says apparently not because she won’t open up to him like she used to.

Gabi finally gives in and says okay, to show Coyote how much she really trusts him she’ll tell him something only she knows. He’s all ears. “Speak to me in full confidence. I would never dare to betray you…..” “--I know. Okay. You’re right about Fernando. He’s guilty of a number of crimes.” Coyote knows he just hit pay-dirt. “Among them is the death of the Reyes’s sister.” Coyote realizes it’s not just pay-dirt. It's an all-out El Jefe sized gusher! “Yes," says Gabi conspiratorially. "Fernando murdered Libia Reyes.”

Labels: Fuego

Permalink posted by Jardinera654 @ 4:22 PM 56 comments

From last night: Juan goes off to help search for Raq. Paddy Tad tells the girls he’s absolved Crabs of her sins. Feo shows up to find the doctor just leaving and the attorney walks in. Juan has Capricho tied to one end of a rope while he lowers himself down into the Canyon of Death. He finds Raquel – she almost looks better dead than alive. The stench of Raq’s decomposing body overwhelms Juan.

We get treated to another cameo of Raq’s dead face, while the local representative of the Grim Reaper Franchise lurks behind a bush. Juan fires a gun to alert Coyote’s search party that he’s found Raq. As Coyote comes down the embankment (unlike Juan without a horse up above to hang on to!), Mr. G. Reaper continues to lurk. Juan says they have to let Officer Mutton Chops know and he’ll go, Coyote will stay, because the vultures will eat her (“se la comen los buitres”). I guess they haven’t been hungry for the last few days? Grim continues to look on. Juan calls to Capricho to pull him out.

Back at Crabi’s deathbed, the girls tell her they will be the only ones caring for her from now on. She agrees and says Sofia was right.

Coyote talks to Dead Raq, asking forgiveness for not being able to protect her from his Daddy Darth. While we get a close up shot of Señor Reaper’s sickle, Coyote notices something in Dead Raq’s hand. Holy Snake Jackets Batman! It’s a fake snake head complete with an extended snake tongue that she must have ripped off of Darth’s jacket before she fell! Coyote has no doubt that Darth killed Raq – he crumples the snake in his hand while the Reaper looks on, vowing to kill Darth. Coyote leaves the scene, even though Juan told him to wait there. Grim Reaper steps forward and casts his dark shadow over Raq’s body, reaches down and closes Raq’s eyes. (This whole Grim Reaper thing makes me crazy. I know they’ve shown him before as a prelude to a death, but what’s the purpose of all the airtime he’s getting after Raq’s death? Isn’t his work done there, and has he really been standing out there all this time holding the sickle?)

Feo and the lawyer are exiting the office when Sofia comes down the Staircase of Horror. She yells at Feo for not bringing the doctor. Feo and the lawyer explain to Sofia that the judge’s decision making Slowfia the owner of everything isn’t effective until Gaby signs the papers. Sofia pulls Feo aside and tells him he better get packin’, she’s throwing him out. Feo says the lawyer said he could sign on behalf of Gabi as Gabi’s power of attorney, and he would let him but only if he was going to sign in favor of Stupidfia, but he’s not signin’ nothin’, and that he and Sofia are now co-owners of the Elizondo fortune. The lawyer looks pissed. This whole thing about the signature makes no sense to me at all, but it’s probably because I can’t find my beanie.

Over to the Quintina Stripper Show, the Señoras of Ciudad Serdan are getting the opportunity to check out the beefcake before the show. Asexual Buzzkill Hortensia is horrified by the immorality of it all. I’m just horrified by, well . . . it all.

Sofia asks the lawyer if this signature nonsense is true. He’s says unfortunately it is true. The lawyer admits it was his own mistake, but he realized it too late. He trusted Feo, but Feo tricked him. The lawyer calls Feo a thief. Feo’s mad and throws him out, but before he goes, the lawyer tells Sofia that he will fix everything. Sofia tells Feo she’ll be having a word with Gabi about this whole thing, but Feo tells her not to waste her time, her mother doesn’t even want to see her. Sofia explains to Feo about the sudden turn of events and how she and her sisters are now “In” and Feo’s “Out”. Feo tells Sofia she has to tell him everything because he’s a 50% owner now. Feo thought bubbles that Gabi’s time has come. I doubt anything will happen to Gabi though, because Señor Reaper is otherwise occupied at the moment with Raq.

Back in the bedroom, Crabs is clingy with Sarita and Jimena, and doesn’t want to be left alone for a second. She thinks about how she almost died if it weren’t for the medicine the doctor gave her. She knows Feo tried to kill her by switching the prescription the doctor gave her, and that she has to protect herself and have only her daughters take care of her. She opens her nightstand and pulls out the bottle of pills that Fernando gave her. She’s going to save them and give them to Coyote to find out what they are. She thinks how strange it is that Coyote is the only person she trusts.

Soledad fills Coyote in on Darth’s visit. He wants them to leave the house ASAP. Soledad won’t leave until they know what happened to Raq. Coyote tells Mama Coyote that Raq’s dead, and shows her the snake head decoration he found in Raq’s dead hand. Soledad is impactada – she thinks it’s her fault Raq is dead. Soledad laments over how Darth always adored snakes, and wouldn’t you know, he even formed a Secret Society of Snakes (say that 5 times fast!), called “The Snakes” with Feo’s Daddy, Roberto Escandon. They even made the symbol of their society a snake. (How original! Those evil guys are so creative. They even had leather jackets like the Lords of Flatbush!) Apparently, Darth Rico betrayed Roberto, leaving him penniless, which is why Roberto killed himself. (Soledad knew all this back in the day and was still in love with the Grand Poobah of the The Snakes?) Soledad says Crabi had a lot to do with the tragedy of Feo’s Daddy’s death.

Back in Crab’s world, she’s busy giving Sarita a big guilt trip of making her chose between her mother and Franco. As usual, Wimpy Sarita caves.

Outside, and on his way to see Gabi, Darth curses Gabi for turning him into a killer, and for never being able to know his own son. He runs into Root, when all of a sudden the Officer M. Chops and Crew show up to take him away to be questioned about Raq’s disappearance. Officer Chops tells Darth the Reyes Bros. have formally accused him.

Upstairs, Jimena is reading Sarita the riot act for agreeing to leave Franco and stay with their mother. Sarita says she feels torn, “entre la espada y la pared” (between the sword and the wall).

Over at the Reyes Rancho they’re all talking about what’s happened and how it’s much better for the little girls and the mute nuns to live with them. They ask Eva to tell them once again exactly what happened at Hacienda San Agustin the night of Libia’s death, because they still have doubts that it was an accident. Eva retells her story saying that Libia left the house “afligida” (heartbroken), and that later on Gabi and Feo were alone in the office talking, but she doesn’t know about what. Oscar thinks they need to talk to Gabi about that night also.

Feo is in the office gushing about his victory over Sofia. He thinks he really needs to get rid of Gabi as quickly as possible, and then Snake Jefe Uribe.

At the police station, Darth Rico says that Raq abandoned him, and doesn’t know anything about her disappearance. Juan strolls in and starts yelling about finding the papers saying Raq owned everything, and that’s why Darth killed her. Officer Chops says to Juan, “Whoa, wait a minute, you accused him of the disappearance of Raq, not her murder.” Juan breaks the news that he just found Raq’s body. Darth fakes shock at this news. Root just looks down and shakes her head. Darth starts screaming that there’s no evidence that he killed Raq. (I guess he hadn’t noticed he was one snake short of a jacket?) Juan screams that the proof is in the pudding, I mean the papers that Darth is hiding in the cabaña. Ciudad Serdan’s finest, aka the Mexican Barney Fifes, are searching the cabaña and one of them finds the infamous snake belt and asks Root about it. (Why he even asked about the belt is beyond me – he knows he’s supposed to be looking for papers, not belts! Maybe he just liked it a lot and figured since Darth’s going to be locked up in La Casa Grande probably for life maybe he could have the really cool belt?) Root takes the belt away and says it’s not evidence of anything. Juan shows up just in time to miss seeing the snake belt from his nightmares. Nobody finds any papers.

The sisters are trying to figure out how they’re going to explain what’s happened with Feo and the Hacienda to Gabi, they don’t want to make her worse. Gabi pressures them for answers. Sofia explains that Feo is now half owner of the hacienda. Gabi’s not having any of this and gets out of bed. Uh oh, on the precipice of the Staircase of Doom, Gabi confronts Feo. He tries to explain that he used his rights as her husband to protect her from Sofia. (How long will it take these numbskulls to learn that you don’t have a fight on the stairs!) Feo doesn’t want to argue and tries to get Crabs to go back to the bedroom and take her medicine (the poison medicine, of course). Feo tells Sofia not to forget he has 50% ownership of the Hacienda, when Juan walks in and says he’s giving Sofia his part of the hacienda so she will have majority control. Feo wants to talk to Gabs alone in the bedroom and walks away. Juan breaks the news that Raq is dead, he thinks Darth killed her, explains about the papers and the Uribe fortune. He says Darth is in jail and now it won’t be long before he starts squealing on his accomplices. Gabi is impactada. Feo listens from afar. Gabi says she needs to go back to bed.

Franco and Oscar are interviewing Horty about Libia’s death. Horty remembers that a big, black truck, going very fast, passed her on the road that night on the way back to the pueblo after Bernie’s wake. She didn’t see who was driving, but it looked like they were chasing somebody. They’re thinking that all the trucks at Gabi’s house are black, but they have to figure out who left the wake that night, and for how long, but first they’ve got to tell Juan about all this. (Doesn’t Coyote drive a big, black truck too? I know he didn’t do it, but Gabi hasn’t cornered the market on big, black trucks!)

Back at the jail, Feo is taunting Darth in his cell about killing Raq, and about Raq cheating n Darth with him. Feo threatens to bring charges against Darth for Raq’s murder also, it won’t look good for Darth if that accusation comes from Raq’s amante. Root shows up and tells Feo he better be careful or she’ll spill the frijoles about Feo plotting to kill Gabi. Feo tries to use the fact that Root signed over ½ of her inheritance from Gabi over to him and he’s got the papers to prove it and will tell Gabi. Root says, “What papers, these papers?”, and hands them over to Daddy in his cell, who promptly tears them up. Feo = muy impactado. In the background we hear Root say, “Ooops”. Feo attacks Root and slams her up against a wall, but then let’s her go and walks out of the jail, knowing he’s been beaten this time. Root tells Daddy that the coppers found nothing in the house to prove he killed Raq – he’ll be a free man.

Sofia’s lines, Juan’s lines. More Sofia’s lines and some crying (Sorry, Union rules - have to meet the nightly tears quota).

Feo gets into his big, black, truck (hmmm . . who was just talking about a big, black truck?), and is thinking Root couldn’t have opened the safe, the Reyes’ Bros. must’ve broken into his safe and that’s how Root got the papers.

Franco Starsky and Oscar Crutch (Starsky & Crutch! LOL!! Sorry, I’m a dork, I’m crackin’ myself up!) are bringing Juan up to date on the investigation of Libia’s death. Juan says, “Malhaya” (a word I learned means “Sh*t” just two recaps ago!) Juan says they have to question every person that was at the wake that night about who left the house quickly.

Well, Mommy/Daughter Love Fest 2009 has now officially ended, and Crabs has left the building. Gabi blames Sofia for Feo being able to take advantage of her. Gabi says it’s all Sofia’s fault – everything that’s EVER happened is Sofia’s fault, Sofia doesn’t deserve a mother like Gabi. Stupidfia tells Gabi that nothing she ever does for her is enough, and says she’s giving Gabi everything back and will be packing up and leaving the house. (What about protecting her sisters’ interests????)

Back in the communal bedroom with the safe, Oscar (“The Fingers”) Reyes is giving Franco the combination to open the safe.

Eva runs to the jail to console Root. Eva’s lines, Root’s lines. Root rejects her again and Eva leaves.

The safe will not open. “Fingers” gets down on the floor to open it himself, while Franco is the lookout. (Why not just lock the door???) Oscar gets the combination correct, and they start unloading the goods. Juan pulls out a bunch of papers and the box that has Libia’s necklace in it. He seems fascinated by the box now, but hardly paid any attention to it the other day! Just as he’s about to open the box Franco tells him he hears Sofia crying and Juan puts the box back in the safe. Oscar stares at the box. Back on the Staircase of Doom, Sofia tells Juan about her mother rejecting her again. She agrees to move to the Doble R with Juan and the girls (the nuns too, I’m sure). Feo passes them on the stairs and walks in on Franco and Oscar, still in the bedroom in front of the closed safe. Feo wants to know what they’re doing. Oscar is on the floor and Franco is above him and they pretend they’re doing Oscar’s exercises. Feo accuses them of breaking into the safe. Feo takes a bag out of the closet, and starts emptying the contents of the safe into his bag. Duh! Feo forgets to take the box with him! Franco pulls it out of the safe and hands it to Oscar.

End of capitulo.

Labels: Fuego

Hello, Fuego fans -

It just occurred to me that over the course of this tediously extended novela many characters have been abandoned by the wayside, perhaps because the actors had better gigs to go to. Has anybody been keeping track of the departed? Since I stopped watching for months and months, I didn't see what happened to, for instance:

• Rosario died, right? But what happened to her son? To her strange mother?
  
• Don Augustin got "married" and moved away? Never to be seen again?
  
• Tweedledum and Tweedledee - no interest in their poor sister Root? Where are they?
  
• The Babe Doctor and her daddy doctor - nu?
  
• I haven't seen Pablito for a long time - he didn't get offed, did he?
  
• The donkey! Does Padre Bouffy have a car now? How is he getting around?
  

Are there any more? Where's Sylvia and her spreadsheet? Are they going to show up in a gigantic wad in the finale?

We could also use a death count. Anybody game to tally up the players?

Labels: Fuego

I cried when I had no shoes… until I saw Cheney, who couldn’t walk—then I laughed really hard. Obviously, being in the “chair” was his “choice,” but now that Cheney has something to fight for, namely Jimena and the entertainment of his apathetic bros., he’s picking up from where he left off and moving on with his two crutches, not to be confused in stature or cerebral matter with his two non-supportive bros.

Little Raquel has gone and lost herself again, and the ingenious Juan wants the cops to find her because then they will surely find Ricky. Because we all know the saying; where Raquel is, Ricky…isn’t. Anyway, clearly her disappearance is linked to Libia’s death. Sure the two events happened within years of each other, but just look at the time they arrested Juan for Sofia’s rape. Something tells Juan that Libia was probably not swept away with the current. Gotta love the sibling intuition…

Root feels constrained and un-appreciated by her parents. Clearly, being raised with leather whips and super-tight bras was way too cumbersome for the average unstable single-child. Coyote commiserates because they have the same father. However, he only thought bubbles this because his communicative processing skills were retarted by his similarly-neglecful/unstable upbringing.

“Libia either died by accident, or not by accident.” Oh, my god. After what seems like decades of dead-end thumb-twiddling and hide-and-go-seek, we finally apply the miracle of technology and education beyond fourth grade to reach this promising conclusion. Coyote’s intelligence is a godsend/inspiration, and will probably lead to Libia’s eternal flowery rest in peace.

Ricky goes to Sally in search for answers regarding his “hijo.” But first she wants to know what he did with Raquel—kill her like he killed the Robles-Reyes? Well, that’s beside the point because, yet again, we have another case of “I loved you first.” See, Ricky and Sally were an item, probably before the gangrene and blindness set in, but that damn Gabi convinced the meek, but hawt Sally that Ricky didn’t love her anymore. Fast-forward 45 years: Ricky still has the hots for Sally, despite her diminished self worth and ever-changing countenance and skin tone. Buddy, you snooze—especially with other people—you lose. She asks him to forget about her and their son. Not like it will be hard, considering he forgot about her for 45 years and then, as a result of multiple bystanders and the mysterious workings of destiny, it occurred to him that he always loved Sally.

If there was ever one trace of reality in this show, it’s the fact that the “happy couple” always argues, not unlike many of the failed marriages I imagine the writers of this show have (you’d have to be a loser to call this shit “romantic”). Anyway, Juan, like in every other dialogue, insists that hacienda life is counterproductive to the infantile development of the foster hooligans. Well, I lived here through my mid-thirties and I grew up just fine (?)... Now more than ever, even though no one realizes it, it’s time to return those children to the willing and able hands of the local clergywomen and hope that they someday drum up enough motor skills to work in a federally-funded metal workshop. How about we just wait for mamma to get better and then we’ll go on vay-kay! Ok, dear, because I will always support your opinions, unless they contradict or interfere with my personal vendetta to systematically destroy your family unit—or what’s left of it.

Not that I care about the “plot” of this escapade, but if Gabi dies from another one of her daily diabetic, stress-induced hallucinations, I will despise this show so much that I will probably just love the show out of frustration. Anyway, she can’t breathe because Fernie did something to her and he said that when he comes back she would be dead. Then the whole family threw their arms in the air, but they, too, are marked with Gabi’s paralyzing likeness and simply stand on the stairs waiting for a cue from the scene director or PadTad, whichever gets his act together first.

After contemplation and small talk, everyone gathers around the dying woman’s bed. Even though everyone should have prayed for this day, and considering the fact that not one of them has the ability to convincingly feign emotions, it’s somewhat troubling that everyone seems concerned for Gabi’s health. Rooty, the fountain of emotions, tries to console her dying mother, but Sofia, the one who’s not even related and was loathed by said dying woman, tells her to hit the road because she’s a dirty tramp. Well, there’s another reason for Root to feel shitty about her parents. When will Sofia stop beating a soon-to-be dead horse-whipper?

Of course, PadTad wasn’t about to miss out on this affair staged in his fav. family’s home, and came with bible and holy water in toe to prepare the body for heaven, or whatever they do to make hypocrites feel better. Naturally, Gabi wants to confess herself so as not to go to hell. I remember the days when she said PadTad wasn’t “religious enough,” but now she’s all like “whoa, save me.” Apparently when you’re about to die and on your last breath, your voice projects in a booming, echoing, reflective manner. We all know what she did (hell, we lived through months of it), but we need the church music to make it sound more serious, and besides, her monotonous voice just makes her seem like even more of a bitch, who, might I say, was really just incompetent and half-assed in everything she ever attempted. How will history remember Gabi? Like Jimbo and Plato, she was a rebel without a cause. What’s more: a menopausal, unstable, and brandy-soaked brain with illusions of being a bad-ass, but really only leaving the sort-of legacy of booze-dependence and uncontrolled sensuality to her sort-of daughter. How’d I do?

At this point, I have no clue who Eva’s daughter really is, but whichever rebellious daughter is regrettably hers, just know that her conversation with Root is the exact same one we went through with Rosie, Sofie, Sarita, Rosie again, Sofie, and Root two times before last week’s Wednesday episode. Acceptance, repentance, cry on shoulder-nce. Rinse tear-soaked scarf and repeat.

Of course Gabi’s sins are serious, but God forgives and understands and cleanses as long as you swear that you’re sorry. So basically, if there’s a chance in hell that Gabi’s not going there in a one-way hand basket, there is hope for every other perverted, twisted, and malicious murderer/rapist/self-worshiping god(dess). That must be the “new-age” theological theory they teach in those liberal arts colleges…

The doctor comes after Gabi’s soul cleansing and gives her some curious pills from an unmarked container. Well, just like that, you’re stable—physically speaking. Surely, Fernie tried to kill her. If this 234th near-death experience and explicit confession to the wondrously-forgiving PadTad and god, I think it’s safe to say she’s, to quote our Patti, “Got a New Attitude.”

Well, I’m convinced that if the “doctor” would have paid attention during freshman biology, he would have been able to perhaps guess that Gabi’s condition was the result of drugs and not mother nature’s fury. Fernie is naturally upset that the doctor “happened to be in the neighborhood (he’s practically a live-in).” Then some guy needs Gabi to sign papers so that “everything can legally be Sofia’s.” Well, I’m Gabi’s sort-of husband, so that’s just as good. Good enough for me.

This time the search party (for Raquel) has organized itself according to 18th century standards and even included horses and machetes among its searching techniques. Juan stumbles across what looks like a dead Santa. Let’s just say the makeup department is operating on a non-existent budget, or that’s not Santa…

Tomorrow: Gabi’s good as new and walking around minutes later. She’s disappointed in Fernie for attempting, for the billionth time that week, to kill her. In other news, and I don’t see how this is possible, Fernie is the joint-owner with Sofia of “everything.” Woohoo for him!

*As I edit this post, I ask myself; did anything actually transpire that moved the "plot" forward? Maybe I'm just cranky...

Labels: Fuego

This is the third of my four recaps for Cheryl, and the subtitles are still dead. I'm going to wait till the switchover to digital signal and then complain. In the meantime...

From yesterday: Franco would give Sara up out of respect for Sarita's devotion to her awful mother, but Oscar points out the mother is a ghastly witch and Franco shouldn't yield. Darth, drunk as a skunk, comes to the hacienda and shouts for Gab's sympathy: their spouses did it together! Dismayed, Furd leaps up the stairs to reassure Gab he has tender love for her and never strays. She falls down the Staircase of Death but, as Julie sadly reported, does not die.

Juan appears, scoops Gab up in his Manly Arms, and puts her to bed while Sofia and Sara fuss around. Sofia's ruffled satin blouse is exceptionally hideous.

Root scolds Darth as he lounges against the would-be Stairs of Death: "Daddy, shame! You're the one who told ME to act only in cold blood!" "I was mad." Root's angst-bubble: "Will Furd tell Mommy I boinked him?"

Soledad tells the Bouffy Padre she feels guilty that Raquel went to confront Darth and now she's gone. Helpfully the Padre consoles her: "Each of us has a destiny that can't be evaded." Soledad wants to report Raquel's absence to the authorities. Hey, good idea!

To compress all these bed scenes: Gab doesn't want to see the good daughters and says so clearly, over and over and over. She only wants to see Ruth and Furd. However, she doesn't trust them. Though Furd swears he loves only her and that Darth is lying, Gab heard differently from Raquel herself. She also knows or intuits that Furd's boots have been under Ruth's bed...

...Furd and Ruth give each other hateful looks, but jointly assure Gab that they, and only they, love her with a deep, disinterested love (ie nothing to do with her moolah, though Furd casts speculative glances at her jewelry.)

Furd thinks Root will have to help him hustle Gab along towards the Pearly (or not) Gates. That's because he thinks he still has, in his safe, the paper she signed giving him half of Gab's fortune. However, Juan gives the paper to Root (in exchange for her having revealed to Sofia the drugged sex caper), so she's free of that particular blackmail, and she is not exactly with Furd's Pearly-Gates program. She is searching, searching: for love, for a way out of her life of hatred... She feels emptiness; Furd says she's weak.

The Doctor comes (probably on a donkey). He inspects Gab and tells her - and then the others - that she hasn't done any of the things he told her to. She drinks and doesn't watch her diet and is surrounded by stress (is this a Public Service Announcement?) and so she's much sicker and if she doesn't mend her ways she could die of a heart attack at any moment. He leaves.

Quintina and her solterona friends (a soltera is a single woman; a solterona is a big hunk of hopelessly pathetic single woman. Like me for instance...) are sewing rhinestones on things and preparing for some dumb ceremony, Quintina will be M.C. and she picks up her skirt and shows her red underpants.

The moon is still full.

Eva appears several times, futilely telling Root not to be so bitter, that real love is giving so others can be happy. She tells the Good Daughters she is there for them like a mother. It makes me want to puke.

Coyote (aka Ricardo Uribe Jr.) comes to pay his respects to Gab and hears that the Stairway of Death almost killed her. He and Juan have important discussions...

...Coyote reveals his true identity and his desire for vengeance against his father (Darth) and Gabriela. Juan remembers he promised Soledad to take care of her son, to dissuade him from his fatalistic path of vengeance. He sort of tries to, yelling that retaliation doesn't work very well and that Soledad doesn't deserve to suffer this way and she won't like it if her son falls off a cliff while trying to avenge her.

"Thank God you have a mother - I'd love to be able to talk to mine -" Juan gets so wrapped up in flashing back his own tale of vengeance, he gets all excited and sort of ends up encouraging the whole idea.

They both wonder, meanwhile, where Raquel is. Then, Coyote says: "Many unexpected things happen on rainy nights like the one during which Libia died. Maybe you should investigate further." "Hmm, maybe I should investigate further," our sharp-witted hero replies.

And Juan vengeance-bubbles: "My heart tells me the people responsible for my parents' deaths are very nearby..."

Simultaneously, Darth remembers Raquel falling off the cliff and seems a little remorseful. "I've killed twice, FIRST THOSE REYES and now my own wife! Gabriela is to blame!" He winces, ugh, Raquel gloating about Furd's superior amatory ability... "I have to get vengeance on him..."

He realizes Soledad must be the mother of his mystery son. He rides all over asking peasants if they've seen a scarfaced woman. He finally gets pointed to her house. Juan, also on horseback, is close on his tail.

Furd goes off to fill Gab's prescriptions and comes home with poison polvo. "Here, take this." Gab watches him with haunted eyes and swallows the bitter pill.

Finally: Oscar is out of the wheelchair and onto crutches. The Reyes brothers rejoice hugely. I'm kind of uncomfortable with the idea that only on legs can Oscar really be part of the action, but I guess that's too politically correct for Mexidoon.

Tomorrow: Sofia pardons Juan (yawn); Gabriela is not doing so well on her Furd-administered medical regimen...

Labels: Fuego

Tonight's episode is brought to you by the Fateful Falls Tourist Commission of Mexidoon in conjunction with the Rape Forest Appreciation Society and the Dry Ice Woods Preservation Agency.

We rewind so far back that Raquel is still at the bungalow. She knees Darth Ricardo in the nuts and runs in the dumbest direction possible, towards a cliff rather than the hacienda or a road. He backs her up to the edge. She tells Darth that Feo was her lover, and he was hotter in bed than Darth ever was. Holding onto him for dear life, she also surprises him with the news that he has a son named after him (Darthito?), but leaves out that he's AKA Coyote, and also refuses to tell Darth who the son's mother is. She laughs like a maniac, but then loses her footing and falls from his grasp. She plummets to her death clutching a piece of snakeskin from Darth's jacket.

Darth screams at her to rot in hell. He is impactado... not because of his wife dead on the ground below, but because he has a son. "Where is my son?" he howls. The coyotes shout their reply, but their subtle hints float right over Darth's clueless head. (My question: will the coyotes feast on Raquel's corpse, or will her body remain undisturbed until it's discovered?)

Oscar gets the safe open. The first thing they notice is a big envelope full of cash, proving that Feo isn't as poor as he claims. Next, they look at the documents. Franco grabs for the little box that carries the nuclear anvil payload, i.e. Libia's necklace, but gets distracted when Juan finds the papers Ruth signed offering half of her inheritance from Gabi to Feo. This puts Gabriela's accident with the out-of-control car in a whole new light.

Franco disagrees; it was Ruth herself who saved Gabi's life. (Eh, isn't Juan the one who pulled Gabi out of the car? Never mind.) Juan says if Gabi dies, then according to this document, everything goes to Ruth AND FEO. Juan isn't crazy about getting in the middle of this mess, but he and Oscar agree that the document can help them.

They are not paying attention to Franco, who is opening the little box. However, even as he is opening the lid, Oh no! Hide everything! Rosendo's approaching voice sends them all into a panic. He slams it shut and gives it to Oscar, who stashes almost everything (including the little box) back in the safe and closes it, and hides Ruth's contract (and the envelope it was in) under his lap-blanket while Franco and Juan rush Rosendo and sing loudly so that Rosendo can't see or hear what Oscar's doing.

Rosendo is going into town and offers a ride. I think Oscar says he needs underwear (yes, that's one meaning of calzones; think about that next time you order dinner). Franco offers to go with, too. (I think the main thing is that Oscar probably needs a ride home.) Rosendo tries to wheel Oscar to the door. Franco somehow manages to ward Rosendo off for a moment so that Oscar can give the papers to Juan behind his back.

Juan brings the papers to Ruth and threatens to show them to Gabriela. Ruth claims that Gabi won't be interested in anything he has to say. He scratches at some invisible fleas and says okay, Gabi doesn't have to see them... he can take them to the comisario instead; maybe he'll open an investigation into Gabi's accident.

Ruth apparently hasn't been in this town long enough to realize that such an investigation would be way beyond the comisario's skills, so she agrees (reluctantly) to Juan's demands: she must tell Sofía the truth, that nothing ever went on between them.

Sofi and Eva are reviewing new Crap from Afar. Eva feels that Sofi is being too rough on Juan. Sofía is confused. Eva tries to explain to her that Juan was tricked. Sofi promises to think about it, but first she needs to deal with Ricardo, Ruth, and Fernando to protect her mother even though she doesn't want to be protected.

Eva is in favor of Gabi leaving for a while. Sofía is worried that Gabi will be in danger if she's with Feo. "Doña Gabriela knows how to take care of herself," Eva says. "She's very sharp and always turns a situation to her advantage."

Sarita tries to get her mother to stop drinking and go to bed. Gabi lays on the guilt trip so thick that I expect even gullible Sarita to see through it, but no. Gabi just piles on more verbal abuse. "I always believed that you were like me, but you fooled me. You've become a cheap imitation of your sister Sofía. I used to care very specially for you, Sarita, but that's all done." Sarita weakly protests. Gabi's lines ("you and your sisters are always against me"), Sarita's lines ("wee wee wee"). She wants her humble and obedient daughter back. Then she gets up, all feeble and weepy, and says that if Sarita wants to be forgiven, she must prove her love, come back to Mommy, and become obedient again and forget about her stupid love story with that baker Franco Reyes.

Ricardo is drinking and yammering to himself in the bungalow, amazed that he has a son, and delighted (in a crazed, drunken way) that no one will find out that he killed Raquel.

Coyote wonders where Raquel is. "Something tells me Ricardo Uribe found her."

Ruth is waiting sullenly in Sofía's bedroom with Juan. In fact, they're actually sitting together on the bed, much to Sofía's annoyance when she finally shows up with Eva. Ruth confesses all (she needs some prompting from Juan). She drugged him and put him in the bed, and then she got in the bed, and that's it.

Eva is so happy that Ruth has done this wonderful thing, admitting the truth. Ruth is repulsed by her display of motherly pride. Sofía is confused as to why Ruth is admitting it now. Ruth says it's because her plan failed. Sofía wants to know who helped her. Ruth refuses to say, and Eva is still so over the moon with joy about Ruth's confession that she feels that nothing more needs to be said. Sofía seems a little miffed by Eva's dismissal of her concerns, but Juan also seems to feel that the case is closed. Ruth mutters about their mushy displays and spits. Classy!

Eva follows her into the hallway. Ruth begs Eva to leave her alone. She doesn't want to yell at her or be mean to her, but she doesn't want to be around her, either. "The day you become a mother, you'll understand," Eva says. A mother must fight for her children and never give up.

Struggling, Ruth starts, "It's that you're not..." but Eva interrupts, yeah I know you can never see me as your mother, but I still have hope in my heart that someday the time will come when you call me "Mama."

Ruth hesitates, but prudence wins out and she denies Eva again. More Eva's lines. Ruth struggles to keep her secret and avoid being hateful - you can see the strain in her face and posture - and says there's no reason for Eva to feel badly on her account. Eva says a mother will give her life for her children, so if Ruth ever needs her or decides to forgive her, she'll be there to give her the love that she didn't have before. She'll save it for Ruth.

Coyote watches through the window while Ricardo drinks and broods silently. He muses that he doesn't feel anything for his father and wonders where Ruth is.

Juan asks Sofía what he has to do to get her to forgive him. She wants more time. She's not satisfied with Ruth's bizarre and sudden explanation. Juan says, "Okay, fine. When your mother and Feo leave here, I'm gone too. You and your sisters don't need me for anything, so there it is. But think it over, because if you don't forgive me, then Ruth and her accomplice will have gotten their way. Don't you see?"

Franco's in Sarita's room. Sarita is crying her head off over the things Gabi said to her. Franco says Gabi is very selfish. Sarita struggles - she has to choose between her mother and Franco. He says it's not fair that she thinks more about her mother's whims than about him. She's the one who has to understand! He loves her with all his heart, with all his blood and fire. But if she's going to sacrifice their love, then it's best that they separate forever.

He kisses her and exits via the balcony. Have we ever seen these guys get in or out of a motor vehicle? Something tells me that they'd hop in over the open window, Dukes of Hazzard Style, rather than use the door.

Coyote asks Gabi's maid if she's seen Raquel. Fatima hasn't seen her in ages and doesn't know where she might be. She runs off to find Gabi.

Gabi strong-arms a helpless painting while Feo watches. It's a one-fisted fight, because Gabi is still holding hands with Brandy. She's drunk and grumpy. Feo says he can't go on putting up with her mood swings. "You don't have to put up with anything if you don't want to," she informs him. "I told you I've got enough money to get out of here and live ALONE if that's what I choose. Don't think I'm going to die if I don't have you at my side."

Feo asks her to either tell him what's going on, or he'll leave. She looks as though she's about to dare him to go, when Fatima announces that Coyote's here. Gabi smirks and tells Feo that Coyote's always been sweet with her; perhaps she'll ask him to go away with her.

She staggers down to the parlor. Coyote is just as suave and gallant as ever. Gabi woozily confides that she's fixing to take off for a while. Her kids have betrayed her and she doesn't trust anyone. She pours drinks and tells him she doesn't even trust Feo. This brings a big smile to Coyote's face.

Upstairs in the hallway, Feo tells himself that Gabi's mistaken if she thinks she'll be free of him, but she won't see him until he relieves her of the rest of her fortune.

He goes to his old bedroom, but it's locked. Juan pretends not to know who's at the door. ("Feo who?") Feo tries to put him on the defensive, asking why did he lock the door. Juan says it's to keep out the icky creeping animals that they both know could come in.

Feo says he needs to pack because he and Gabi are leaving tomorrow. Feo is surprised that the wardrobe is locked too. "I told you I'm distrustful," Juan jokes (and adds a crack about them not liking each others' clothes). He drops the keys on the floor. Feo warily picks them up, being careful not to turn his back. He keeps an eye on Juan in the mirror as he unlocks the wardrobe.

Coyote says he can't bear the thought that Gabi might have left without saying goodbye to him. He asks if Ricardo is going with. Gabi laughs; no, it's just her. And Feo? Haha! Hellz no, he doesn't deserve it. Coyote is glad she has finally realized that she deserves someone better than Feo - "Someone like, say, me." She gives him a happy drunken smile.

Jimena shows up in Oscar's bedroom. Unfortunately, the Reyes do not seem to have balconies outside their bedrooms, so she had to come through the door. She's glad that he'll be walking soon, and she needs hugs. Oscar is happy; he missed her so much. He asks her to stay the night - he's scared and needs her to protect him. Smoochisimos!

With trembling hands, Quintina and the grownup Marias are measuring the dancers' inseams and chests. The meager appeal of this scene is mostly visual (it's at 8:00 in this clip).

Soledad wonders where Raquel and Coyote are. She's getting worried that she shouldn't have told Raquel to put her fear aside. She'll never forgive herself if something happened to her.

Coyote comes home and reports that he didn't find Raquel. He promises to find her if it's the last thing he does. (¡Últimas palabras famosas!)

Feo's still packing his bags. Juan encourages him to pack everything, including the contents of that safe. "What have you got in there? Lots of money, jewels, important documents?" Feo says no, he's totally broke, he has nothing. Juan asks, "then why do you want a safe?" "I told you, I'm broke!" He leaves without touching the safe. Juan wishes him bon voyage.

Coyote hands out guns to his posse and tells them to find Raquel. "Don't come back without her!"

Ruth comes home to find her dad quite drunk. "Something happened that I didn't want to happen," he explains. (To his credit, at least she didn't become invisible to him the moment he found out he had a son.) He got Raquel to sign the papers. Ruth doesn't get why he's so out of sorts. He tells her about Ricardo Uribe Jr. Ruth wants to know who/where he is. Raquel wasn't able to tell him who/where the son is because she's dead. Ruth puts her wrist to her mouth, horrified. Ricardo covers his mouth too, but I think it's either because he's giggling or he's going to barf.

Ruth accuses him of killing Raquel and pummels him with little girly punches and slaps. He says it was an accident. She confessed to being Feo's lover, too. (Ruth is having multiple impactadas tonight.) "Always Fernando Escandón," Darth mutters as he staggers out the door. She follows him outside.

Sofía stands in front of a stage fan and remembers all of her lines and Juan's lines. "I can't lose Juan!" she concludes.

Guess what phase of the moon it is?

Juan tells himself that Sofía doesn't love him as much as he thought. He decides he's going to leave the hacienda forever tomorrow morning.

Drunk Darth Ricardo confronts Feo, who is lurking on the lawn for a smoke. Darth wants Feo to pay for messin' with Mrs. Darth. Feo isn't interested, but Darth throws both of his guns on the ground and waves his nasty knife at Feo. Feo easily dodges a few wild swings and disarms him. Then he threatens to kill Ricardo "for what you did to my family." But first, he wants to know who was Darth's accomplice. Ruth tries to intervene, but Feo really wants an answer from Darth. "Tell me or die!" Ruth picks up one of the guns. Feo protests that she can't do this to him - they're accomplices! Darth Rico hits him from behind. Feo hits him. Ruth hits Feo. Rico threatens to tell Gabi about Feo's affair with Raquel and runs toward the hacienda.

Feo gets the gun away from Ruth and warns that if Rico tells Gabriela then their own little games will be revealed as well, so she'd better go and shut him up. She takes this advice to heart and goes running for the hacienda. Feo has a weird anguished fit.

Oscar and Franco talk. (Wait, where'd Jimena go?) Franco is ready to break up, so as not to get between Sarita and her mother. Oscar disagrees. Since when do the Reyes have to ask permission for what they want? He tells Franco to fight and win, and show Sarita how much he loves and respects her. "If you don't want to do it for yourselves, the do it for me, for Juan, and for the whole pueblo!"

Ricardo comes into the hacienda screaming for Gabi. "She has to know everything!" Ruth tries to shush him. He tells Gabi (also still drunk, calls him "Ricardito") about Raquel and Feo. "Don't pay any attention to that guy, he's drunk," Feo offers.

"Drunk, but not stupid," Ricardo replies. Sofía reminds her mother that she warned her that he was cheating on her, "and not only with Raquel." Gabi isn't interested in S's testimony. Feo goes up the stairs and tries to reassure Gabi. She tries to shake loose from him and falls down the stairs.

Unfortunately, she does not die. Not yet, anyway. Of course not. Nobody ever dies on my night. I mean, there was Raquel tonight, but that was a rerun. And there was that head of the guard that El Chino killed in Pasión. That's it for me and fond farewells. Oh well. I've still got a few more weeks.

Mexico airdate: 1 de octubre
Next time: No more avances, now that we're in últimos capitulos! Waaah!

Labels: Fuego