Caray, Caray!

Many thanks to Julia and Blue Lass for the inspiration for tonight's recap. I hope these ladies are not offended by my poor imitation of their fine work.
Lo Refrito
Heeeey, what are you two doing coming out of the bedroom?

Lo Nuevo
*Casa Castañon, skanky and sneaky*
Dr. Tovar: Gulp
Carmina: Uh...he's giving me a check-up.
Disgusto: What's wrong?
Dr. Tovar: Gulp
Carmina: I'll explain later. He's got more patients waiting.
Dr. Tovar: Yeah. Bye!

*Hacienda Harangue-o ™, mood music: soft porn*
Damian: I thought you left.
Flo: Aw, I was just joking. I'm so sorry! I even went to apologize to Elisa and invite her to the party!
Damian: How did you know where to go?
Flo: Unkahunkapunk told me!
Damian: Huh?
Flo: Yeah, he and Elisa are BFFs now!
Damian: (internally) Huh?

*Blanca's Casa de Modas. Eddie Haskell-esque*
Paolo: Is Elisa here, pretty lady? I'm Paolo!
Blanca: Nope
Paolo: Where does she live?
Blanca: I'm not an idiot. I'm not giving you that info.
Paolo: Oh all right. Here's a rose. Please tell her I'd like to take her to the party. Bye (turns to leave an runs into Gael) Dude!
Gael: Dude! (to Blanca) Where's Elisa?
Blance: She's here. Come see her tonight.
Gael: Yay!

*Casa Castañon. Hoodwinked*
Disgusto: Why didn't you tell me you were sick?
Carmina: Doc is still running tests.
Disgusto: I'm going with you to the Doctor from now on.
Carmina: No, really. You have enough problems right now.
Disgusto: Oh. Ok.
Carmina: Whew!

*Dr. Tovar's waiting room. Girly*
Paloma: But I wanna go to the parrrrtyyyy...
Elisa: No!
Paloma: Are you saying that because of Alf or the engagement announcement?
Elisa: Engagement? Piffle. I just don't wanna see that cow's face and listen to her mierda about my mama.
Dr. Tovar: Hi, girls!
Elisa: Can we talk?
Dr. Tovar: Ok.

*Dr. Tovar's office. Nervous *
Elisa: How's my aunt?
Dr. Tovar: Gulp.
Elisa: She tells me you are running some tests.
Dr. Tovar: Uh. Yeah. Waiting for the results.
Elisa: You'll tell me if she's really bad off?
Dr. Tovar: Sure. Now scram, kid. I've got things to do and patients to see.
Elisa: Ok. Thanks.
Dr. Tovar: Gulp with a side order of drat.

*Disgusto's office. Night. Bull-headed and stupid* Note: I took some license since this scene was spread out.
Lucio: Elisa is staying with us. Sorry about lying.
Disgusto: Dude! Why did you act so indignant?
Lucio: 'Cause you treat Elisa like crap. Ever since her mother died you act as if the girl is a burden.
Disgusto: I don't even know if the girl is mine.
Lucio: You're an idiot. Of course she's yours!
Disgusto: I have my doubts.
Lucio: two words: Paternity test.
Disgusto: I'm afraid.
Lucio: Dude. Don't be a twit. And even if she wasn't yours, you've been her dad all this time.
Disgusto: Every time I see her, I think of Steffie and her deception.
Lucio: Quit being an ass. If you keep treating Elisa like this you're going to lose her forever. Watch it or you will end up a sad, old man. Alone and with nothing.

*Refreshment stand. Refreshing*
Two ladies: Elisa gossip gossip caught hugging him in the plaza gossip gossip just like mom gossip gossip
Gael: Ladies, with all due respect. SPLASH! Old biddies!

*Street. Argumenative*
Gael: I hear there've been problems with dad.
Elisa: Yeah.
Gael: Why didn't you come look for me?
Elisa: It was late.
Gael: You looked for Damian.
Elisa: Whoa cowboy! He ran into me by coincidence. I didn't seek him out.
Gael: You were hugging!
Elisa: Dude! Not your business!
Gael: Is too! I love you and adore you.
Elisa: Er. No you don't.
Gael: Yes I do! Really!
Elisa: You're my bro!
Gael: You love Damian. *pout*
(Day-um. how much saxophone are they gonna use in tonight's soundtrack? I feel like I'm stuck in a bad 70's movie.)

*Blanca and Lucio's House. Confrontational*
Disgusto: It was a stupid fight.
Elisa: I love you and respect you, but I can't make you feel the same. Did you know Lolita broke her engagement 'cause she didn't want to leave me alone?
Disgusto: Huh?
Elisa: Yeah, mom died and you married Tía about five minutes later.
Disgusto: Um. yeah. But I'm here now, trying to make it up to you. You decide and let me know.
Elisa: *sob*

*Casa Harangue-o. Schemey*
Flo: Dude! You weren't really supposed to take Elisa to the party! I just invited her to get girlfriend points!
Paolo: Dude! It really benefits you more if she actually comes to the party. Trust me. Now, help me find out Elisa's address...or I can ask Damian if you prefer.
Flo: No. I'll find out.
Sabrina: Hi!!!

*Blanca and Lucio's House. Conflicted*
Elisa: I just don't know what to do.
Blanca: Well, the old fart did come to see you. That has to mean something.
Elisa: He only came 'cause my godfather told him. I can't stop thinking about everything Lola gave up!
Blanca: 'Cause she love you! Oh, here's a flower that Paolo left for you. He wants to take you to the party!
Elisa:*eye roll*
Blanca: Gael stopped by too.
Elisa: Yeah. I've seen him.

*Church. Whiny*
Gael: I told Elisa I loved her.
Padre: Yay! Maybe now y'all can have a more normal relationship.
Gael: She'll never love a guy like me. No name. No family No nuthin'.
Padre: Basta! I'm your family! Pep talk! You're a hard worker and...
Gael: Er. About that. I quit today.

*Barn. Bitchy*
Flo: Kissy kissy?
Damián: Someone can see us!
Flo: This place (La Ermita) is changing you. As soon as the party is over we are so outta here and back to a normal life.
Damian: Maybe you're right. It's late. Let's go.

*Dining Room. Tentative*
Carmina: This is a wonderful opportunity to get rid of the brat. She just creates more and more problems.
Elisa: Good evening.
Carmina: *choke* How nice you're back!*choke*
Disgusto: Have you eaten?
Elisa: No
Disgusto: Well, have a seat!
Carmina: *seethe*

*Hacienda Harangue-o Kitchen. Brow-beaten*
Tonia: Lolita bought our son a beer!
Braulio: No way! He probably scammed her!
Tonia: Way! And stop defending her. FYI: She was quite chummy with Horacio. *nyah!*

*Cocina Castañon. Guilt-trippy*
Elisa: Aw Lolita. Aren't you glad I'm back.
Lolita: Yeah, but you didn't even tell me where you were! I love you. I thought you loved me *sniff*
Elisa: I love you bunches! I know you've put up with a lot of crap for me.
Lolita: and I would put up with more. I love you! You are my child. I don't have a husband or my own kids. I live for you!
Elisa: That's why you never married?
Lolita: Promise you won't leave again?
Elisa: Ok. Now that we're square...Who's the dude?
Lolita: Drat those gossips!
Elisa: I'm not a little girl anymore and I want you happy! Go get yer man!

*Curandera hut. I told you so*
Ramona: Gael came here....
Paloma: ???
Ramona: Looking for Elisa.
Paloma: *internal sob* I don't care. I just care about the party.
Ramona: As stubborn as your mother!

*Cantina. With Bravado*
Gabino: What are you doing here kiddo?
Useless Vicente: Nuthin'
Braulio: Hey! You better not be doing stupid stuff! Your mom told me all about the beer!
Gabino: I'm out!
Braulio: And stay away from Gabino! He's no good!
Useless Vicente: No good? I wish you were like him!  He's all in charge of the procesadora and stuff! You're just an employee!

*Recámara Castañon. Disgusting*
Carmina: Feel better now that Elisa is back?
Disgusto: Sure.
Carmina: I'm seeing the doc tomorrow.
Disgusto: Shall  go with you?
Carmina: Nah. You know...I wonder what it would have been like if our son had survived. Now I'm sick and I may die. I hate to think of the child losing a parent like Elisa.
Disgusto: The three of us should make an effort to be a normal family.
Carmina: Are you asking me to stay here tonight?
Disgusto: Hugs.
Carmina: Ha! I win?!

*Hacienda Harangue-o. Generous*
Alf: What?! No engagement ring! Bad boyfriend!
Damian: Er.
Alf: Here, take mine.
Damian: That's the one dad gave you!
Alf: Take it! Oh, and here's another gift!
Damian: Horsey! I'll ride him now!
Alf: Not dressed like that! There are more gifts in your bedroom!

Bare chest and Belt buckle close ups. Giddyap! Rawhiiiiide!!!!!

*Elisa's Bedroom. Jealous*
Paloma: See the pretty dress Blanca loaned me for the party? Maybe I can convince Gael to go with me? He was looking for you, huh?
Elisa: Yes. Um... We're friends, right?
Paloma: He loves you doesn't he? *pout*
Elisa: Whatever. I love Damian! I'm totally jealous he's marrying someone else!

Avances

• Fight for Dam!
• Don't mess with Elisa!
• War!
• Jealousy!

Sorry for the rush job!

Labels: abismo

Labels: Talisman

I think this is the fourth wedding I've recapped on this TN.

The first was Pancho and Laurita. (Now I'm wondering if Tom's parents were at that wedding. I think they would have still been alive.) That was pretty nice, until Laurita dropped dead a dozen years later. Slacker.

The second wedding was Lupita and Alex. Alex dropped dead moments later.

The third was Adoración and Big-nose, whose name I've gladly forgotten already. Pina and Goya conspired to invite Big-nose's wife, which really put a damper on things.

I didn't recap our fourth and fifth weddings, which were, in some order, Candy marrying Napoleon under duress, and Fernanda's wedding to Doc Oc which was interrupted by an obnoxious outburst from snobby Pina.

I'll admit that of the recent weddings, each has been a little less horrible than the one before it. Nevertheless, I am amazed that everyone in this story doesn't suffer from wedding-induced post-traumatic stress by now. I, for one, am quite nervous. If the trend continues, someone is likely to spill taco sauce on a dry-clean-only jacket, or perhaps get their toes trampled while dancing.

But if these two fine people are determined to take a chance, we can only cheer them on, and hope that no one slips on a banana peel.

Part One: Rest is for dead people

I didn't catch the first few minutes, so I may be missing something here:

At the daycare, they're worried because Lupita's not back yet. Ana goes to lunch with Adrian, who promises not to kiss her.

Arnold calls Candy about the boutique. Pina overhears and is jealous. Well, what does she expect from Arnold - she wanted to be "just friends"! Pina is upset because Candy is her worst enemy. Arnold reminds her that he's always supported her, even at the cost of his friendship with Vice. Pina wants to know what Candy's got that she hasn't, "besides these," she says, gesturing for boobs. Arnold says she's fresh and spontaneous.

Lupita is at Avon with Pancho and Rebeca. She's worried about Nayeli, who never showed up at the daycare. Mónica arrives. They all make a fuss over her New Luke.

Pepe finds Frida some tires for the Pantera. She gives him a grateful hug. She says she doesn't know how she'll pay him back, but she will.

Moni tells Pancho she's so angry jealous about Frida she can't think straight. Pancho tells her of the trouble he had with a fair-haired fellow with a ridiculous tan. He was infected with such jealousy that he lost Rebeca. Sure Frida seems perfect for Pepe; that's just what they all thought about Mike for Rebe, too. Don't let jealousy poison your heart. Love is pure. Frida can't help how she feels, but Moni has to fight for Pepe.

Lupita and Rebeca look at the Department of Families website. Lupe tells Rebe how gross Nayeli's dad was, reeking of booze. Lupita would like to talk to N's mother before taking her to the Department. They'll take photos, too, in case they need proof.

Candy and Rebeca Sr. come back from a shopping trip. Napoleon is hiding behind a tree. But instead of seeing that, Candy sees a big hazy floating image of his face. Rebeca Sr. tries to talk some sense into her, but terrified Candy runs into the house, leaving Rebeca Sr. to carry all their bags.

(Those two get along so uncannily well that I have to wonder if Rebe Sr. is her birth mother.)

At lunch, Ana blames Adrian for Fred's behavior with Kari. He's an insecure mama's boy. Adrian says, "even so, you must have fallen in love with him for a reason."

Rebeca Sr. tells her husband (Julio) about Candy. He scolds her for getting involved. She decides to talk to Pancho. He turns his attention back to his jigsaw puzzle and remarks that it's difficult.

Lupe and Rebeca go driving around and find Nayeli on the side of the road. "Dad said if I go to the daycare, he'll hit me!"

Lambi is preparing Avon's taxes and tells Pancho there are some loopholes they can take advantage of. Pancho tells him not to. He wants everything to be perfectly legal! (I thought loopholes were legal. Maybe these are a different type of loophole.) Rebe Sr. arrives and Pancho entertains her with some awful mother-in-law jokes. (Is it bad luck to do that before the wedding?)

Enzo takes Chela on a blindfolded mystery tour. He takes off her blindfold to reveal... the Irabién home! Chela is confused. What's all this, then? Enzo says this will be their new home. "WHAT?!" she exclaims, in English. Yes, Pina sold Enzo the house. Now she can live near her nieces and nephews. He tells her, "my love for you is the best thing that's ever happened in my life."

Ana and Adrian encounter Kari and Fred on their way home. Awkward! Who has the moral upper hand here? NOBODY! Ana tells Kari, "I'm not even going to knock your teeth out... Fred is all yours. And this time I mean it." Since this is the second time, she's not going to forgive him. Adrian and Ana drive off, with Ana staring daggers at Fred and Kari.

Moni arrives at the garage just in time to see Frida hugging Pepe gratefully yet again. His half of the hug looks fairly casual, but his face takes on a very guilty hue when he hears Moni's voice. Moni delivers an ultimatum: it's her or me! Frida says she'll multiply herself by zero and go.

Pepe tells Moni he's in no position to fire Frida - he's not her boss - and Moni is the reason he's working two jobs and Frida needs this job because she doesn't have anything except the car. Moni says she had every right to ask him to choose. He agrees and apologizes. (Whuh??) Hug. Frida watches sadly from afar.

Adrian invites himself to the wedding as Ana's date, but then gets a phone call and has to go back to Guadalajara to be with a sick child.

Rebeca Sr. tells Pancho about Candy seeing Napoleón. "No manches," Pancho says. "¡Sí, mancho, Pancho!" (I knew someone was going to say that sooner or later!) He tells her he thought Candy was just having a nightmare the night of Día de los Muertos, but now that she's seeing things in broad daylight, he's having his doubts. Rebe Sr. suggests that she go to a psychiatrist.

Lupe, Nayeli, and Rebe (Jr.) come home where Ana is crying to Candy about Fred. Ana runs out crying. Rebe follows. Candy comforts the frightened child while Lupe gets her some soup (nobody feeds the kid when she's alone at home all day).

Fred tells Kari he's going to miss the house. He's lived there almost his entire life. Kari offers to cheer him up. He says he doesn't deserve her love or anyone's - Ana's right - he's insecure. Kari says she loves him just the way he is and he shouldn't change so much as an eyelash. "Until I free myself from my mom, I'm not going to have anyone in my life." Kari says he'll get a good job when he graduates, have an apartment and be independent. Fred realizes this is going to kill his mother.

Rebeca tells Ana it's okay to cry and gets her to tell her everything.

Pepe tells Moni that Frida needs his help. "Why does it have to be you?" It's upsetting enough for her to know that he's already kissed Frida and all that. He asks if she'd rather he hadn't told her. Moni says she's never doubted her love; has he ever doubted his? No. Te amo, etc.

Pancho and the Rebecas try to persuade Candy to see a psychiatrist. She insists she's not crazy. No one's saying she is. Candy says maybe Nap's a ghost. Rebeca Jr. lets slip that Nap kidnapped her. Rebe Sr. is aghast.

Pina is with a psychiatrist right now. He diagnoses her with poor self-esteem, codependence, and an addiction to conflict. It's become a way of life for her; it's how she interacts with the world. She needs to learn to live without conflict. (Predictably, she resists!)

Lupita and Tomás tell Nayeli she has rights, and her father shouldn't hit her. They'd like to take her to the Department of Families. She's afraid her father will find out. They'll protect her. What about her mom? He hits her too! Nayeli tells them where her mother's morning job is.

Rebeca (Jr.) meets with her father. She can see that he's troubled. He admits that he and Rebeca Sr. are having problems, but don't want to spoil the wedding. It's just that after 40 years of work, he wants some rest and quiet at a nice retirement place in Palm Beach. She's catching her second wind and feels that rest is for dead people. "But if you're happy, I'm happy," Julio tells his daughter.

Enzo tells Vice, "I'm buying Pina's house." He'd rather Vice hear it from him than someone else. "How nice for Quesadillas," Vice responds sarcastically. He is horrified and feeling sorry for himself. "Everyone helps Pina, but who helps poor little Vicente?"

Part Two: Candy sees live people

Arnold assures Pina that her psychiatrist helped him when Midori fired him and his life was a mess.

At home, Pancho gets good news on the phone and won't tell Rebeca what it is. "You're not going to believe it!" He takes her to a big outdoor picnic with balloon arches and a ton of food. Most of the family is there (Candy is elsewhere). They all crowd along the same side of the table, which makes for difficult conversation. Pancho hushes everyone repeatedly so that he can hem and haw endlessly. Finally he makes his big announcement: They got the cathedral in Toluca! (Big surprise.) Also, a special birthday surprise for Rebeca: A huge band plays Las Mañanitas for her. She takes the first big bite out of the cake - with her face. She blesses Ana and Lupe with frosting on their noses. They all do the Una Familia con Suerte cheer. There's a heavy shower of confetti, or as the local wildlife calls it, "litter."

Candy's not there because she's at the psychiatrist. Of all the mental health care professionals in the area, he just happens to be the same guy Pina went to earlier! Candy tells him that she sees dead people. She assures the doctor that Napoleon was definitely dead. The doctor says she might be hallucinating, but she's not crazy, and anyway, "we don't use that word around here." Her hallucinations are the product of a serious traumatic experience.

Napoleon, very much alive, looks at a wedding invitation and mutters, "I'll be there."

Rebe and Pancho look forward to waking up together every morning for the rest of their lives. Rebe says she looks awful in the morning. Pancho says he snores and he's difficult to wake.

Fred goes to Avon to tell Vice about his plan to become independent. Vice says Fred should let Kari help him. Fred says that would defeat the purpose of trying to become independent.

Pina angrily tells Arnold about her diagnosis. She really seems to enjoy arguing that she's not addicted to conflict! Arnold says maybe there's a remote possibility that the doctor is right.

Back at the birthday party (minus Pancho and Rebeca, and the confetti is mysteriously gone too), Chela tells the family she doesn't want to know the baby's gender. They'll call it Laurita, after her sister, if it's a girl. If it's a boy... Francisco! Everyone groans. Other suggestions from the family: Vicente (ha ha), Temo, Torcuato, Marciano, Pancrácio, Obdulio, Lara, Iberio, Evo, Masyosare...

Candy's session with the doctor is done. Rebe Sr. is waiting for her. Yes, she missed her own daughter's birthday party to make sure Candy would be okay. They talk about how much they like each other. (Hmm. Could it be the call of blood?)

Vice tells Fred he's doing just fine. Fred doesn't believe him. Vice admits he's lost. He cries. It's a pathetic sound.

Tom has gotten permission to take some time off from police academy. He and Lupe go to the bakery where Nayeli's mother works. She is nervous and defensive right away - before they can say anything, she tells them if they wants her to work in their house, she's already doing three shifts and she can't take on any more, so forget it. (Apparently, she's in demand!) But she relaxes when Lupe introduces herself as being from Nayeli's daycare. They assure her that Nayeli's okay and agree to wait till her shift is over so they can talk.

Vice tells Fred that what he feels for Candy is true love, just like Fred feels for Ana. Reconciling with Pina was just an illusion. (Give Vice a shred of credit for being able to accept that Fred really loves Ana, even if she's not Vice's first choice for him.) Pancho bursts in with a wedding invitation; of course he wants his cousin and Ana's boyfriend to attend. Oops, he didn't know that Fred and Ana are splitsville. (It doesn't seem to worry him much.) He says he feels a bad vibe in there and it smells like sulfur.

Nayeli's mom's shift at the bakery is done. She needs to hurry to her next job at someone's house, so they agree to walk and talk, and Lupita gets straight to the point. Mom becomes defensive again; Dad's not hitting Nayeli! Ugly bruise (moretón) on her arm? Surely she just whacked it against something. (Yeah, I'm sure there's a door in their house that has four fingers and a thumb.) They say they know he hits Mom too. Mom says Nayeli's lying. Lupe says kids always tell the truth. They want to help. Mom says who asked you - if you don't mind your own business I'll have you thrown in jail. (Oh yeah? Why not have your husband thrown in jail instead?)

Frida's sad and bitter. She tells Pepe it was one thing to hear him say he had a novia, and another thing to meet the stuck-up (estirada) Frenchy in real life. Pepe asks her not to bad-mouth his girl. Frida says, "I'm going to change" and walks away. (Not sure if she means change her clothes or change her attitude.)

Moni tells Enzo she feels as though something's broken between her and Pepe; it's Frida. Then she gets a phone call; she's invited to be a bridesmaid in the wedding. That cheers her up! She goes off to try on her dress.

Rebe teases her parents and Pancho about her bridal gown. Rebeca Sr. playfully punches Pancho in the stomach. (Let me tell you, there is no playful way to be punched in the stomach.) Is stomach-punching the groom a previously undisclosed Mexican pre-wedding custom? I'm joking, of course. The scene just struck me as odd. Maybe it's her revenge for all the bad suegra jokes he's been telling her.

Pancho and Rebeca are together in bed, enjoying their last night together as single people. He really, really wants to see her gown. She offers him three hints, and if he guesses right he can look:

1. It's long and white.
2. There are lots of sparkly crystals.
3. It's in the closet.

Pancho opens the closet door, and is attacked by an explosion of fluffy pillows. Ha! That's what you deserve, Mr. Snoopy McNosington.

Morning. There are fireworks at the cathedral. The plaza is packed with fans. Rebe's friend Bárbara is there. The wedding planner is ready for action. Pancho makes some vague but friendly statements to the press.

The bridesmaids are wearing bright green. These are by far the nicest bridesmaid gowns I've ever seen. The color isn't great for everyone, but it really pops with Moni's hair.

Fernanda and Pancho share a tender moment. Rebeca arrives in her white BMW, which is decked with flowers. Elena and Oríon show up, fresh from Japan.

Rebeca and her father enter the cathedral. Everyone oohs and ahhs at the sight of her. People comment on her gown.

Raimundo flirts with Arnold.

Enriqueta tells Lambi she's never been married, but she's open to offers. Lambi reveals that he is divorced. (When'd that happen? I didn't think that shrew he was married to would allow him to get away. Maybe she found a guy with more money.)

Ori says something to Elena about monarch butterflies.

Temo shouts, "You're cuerísimo!" (I can't find a definition for this.) Everyone laughs.

At home, Pina tells Adoración to pack some of her stuff. She says she's reading a perioquiro. (I don't know what that is either, but Ado laughs.) The book is called "How to Live a Life Without Conflict." Ado asks if change shouldn't come from within.

Fred comes home and tells Pina that he has something to tell her. No, it's not about him and Kari. There is no him and Kari. He wants to become independent. Ado overhears and cheers silently.

Back at the wedding, someone's waaaay up in the balcony. Candy watches the ceremony and flashes back to her own unhappy wedding. Then she senses movement and looks up. It's Napoleon. She starts to freak out.

"Nobody has loved you, nor will love you, as I do," Napoleon mutters.

Next time:
The rest of the wedding. There's still plenty of time for something to go wrong!

Have a wonderful Passover and Easter!

Labels: familia

Labels: relaciones, telemundo, valiente

[First half only]

Labels: no-podia